WARNINGS; Mentions of attempted suicide, Depression symptoms, Minor violence, Mentions of death
The air was thick with adrenaline and fear, each breath coming in ragged gasps as you ran down a narrow and dark alleyway on the outskirts of the city. You whirled your head behind, your heart hammered in your chest as they were slowly gaining on you. You wished you took those P.E endurance training sessions seriously in highschool at the moment. It felt like a never ending maze with each turn you took. Your muscles were aching, you were sure of it, but you couldn't feel a thing for the time being due to the adrenaline pumping through your veins. With a final desperate attempt of escaping, you rounded a final corner before being faced with nothing but a huge brick wall.
Your chest puffed up and down, with nowhere else to run, you turned to face your pursuers. "Man,...howthefuck...didI..endup...likethis?.." you gasped through each phrase before everything went black.
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It was nearing the end of your shift, and you were working on cleaning the bar. Wiping down the counter meticulously, your thoughts drifted to your encounter just a few hours ago.
You stood there silently, stopping your cleaning, you clenched the rag in your hand, causing your knuckles to turn white. "You just had to come back..." you whispered under your breath, staring down at the wooden floor bitterly. Your shoulders slumped as you looked down at the counter, a sigh leaving your lips. You co-workers watching from afar, worry plastered on some of their faces. "Hey,...Should we check up on him?" one asked. "I'm not sure,...he looks really upset.." another murmured. "You think it's 'cause of the guy who dragged him out earlier?.." the third co-worker muttered. "I'm fine." the trio shuddered at the sound of your voice. Their gaze landed on you glaring at them.
"Our shifts are over, let's hurry and close up." you ordered, walking in-between your co-workers. They looked at each other and silently nodded.
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"Hey Shidou, what's up with you dude? Y'a left for a good while, and when y'a came back you were all gloomy and shit. You looked even emoer than Rin over here" Karasu slung his arm over Shidou's shoulder with a confused look. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Karasu?!" Rin faced back and glowered at the ravenette. Karasu ignored his glare and kept poking at Shidou, "Y'a ran into your ex or sum?" Shidou slightly froze at the comment. "In a way." Shidou took Karasu's arm off of him and waved the rest of the group goodbye, taking off in the opposite direction, the direction towards a certain rundown neighbourhood.
The air was fresh, cold even. On this cold night, beneath the gaze of moonlight and the stars, the memories of the early evening flashed through his mind. "Please come back..." He didn't know who he was asking, you or his past self. His head hung low with his hands warm in the pockets of his thick winter jacket.
He walked in the midst of the night alone bathing in the moonlight, his shoulders weighed down by the heavy weight of regret. His face contorted in shame as he let out a sigh full of unspoken apologies.
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Before Shidou knew it, he was facing you, in front of the same very house he used to run to in hopes of finding a certain boy to play soccer with so many years ago. "I..Don't know how I got here.." he admitted. "Yeah, no shit, you look like a lost child without his mommy." you retorted. There was only silence for a moment, before you broke it with an exasperated sigh. "What do you want, Shidou? This is the only chance I'm giving you to speak to me." His ears perked up at the comment. "I-...I'm sorry (M/n)..." his apologetic words laced with sincerity rolled off his tongue so easily. You remained silent, your fists clenched again, and your eyebrows furrowed, "Just what the fuck are you apologising for? Leaving without a word? Barely even making an effort to visit me? Never contacting me despite the countless letters I sent? WHAT IS SHIDOU?!" You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling a migraine forming. "Leave." Shidou's eyes widened, "Wait-" "I said leave." You cut him off with a glare. "Whatever..." Shidou tsked as he walked off.
You watched his figure grow smaller the further he walked away from you. You finally turned towards your door and opened it. Stepping in, you closed the door behind you only for it to literally fucking fall out the frame. You looked down at your now broken door, "Fuck me.."
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Disgusting, that's all that rang in your vacuum head. Your reflection showed a broke 21 year old barely getting by with the most horrendous greasy bed head mankind has ever laid eyes upon. Ever since your parents' passing, it felt as if life just went into auto mode, you had been put on repeat like a broken record. Repeating the same lines each and every day. As you slid down the bathroom counter, you sat on the cold tiled floor. Nothing felt real, at least not anymore. At first, you had your parents' health to keep you busy, it's what kept you moving, maybe not forward, but it kept you moving either way. Now, in the early mornings of February, you didn't know what you were still moving for anymore. You didn't have anyone or anything to take care of anymore, it was just you. You tuck your head in your arms, trying to gather what is left of your mental strength to get through another day.
You opened your eyes, waking up to the sound of your phone ringing. From the bathroom floor, you try to find your phone on the counter by sliding your hand on its surface. Once you felt the cold object in your hand, you brought it down to your level, taking a look at the caller ID. At the sight of your manager's name, you immediately attempt to compose yourself before accepting the call.
"Hello, is there something you need me for?" you asked quietly. "Hey (L/n), I don't want to sugarcoat it, so I'll get straight to the point. I'm sorry but you're fired..." if you hadn't just woken up from a nap on your bathroom floor, you would have contested and argued with your manager, but all you could do was remain silent. "I see, will I still be getting my paycheck at least?" your manager quickly replied how your check will be sent via mail in a day or two. "Then, thank you for having me..." you hung up before he could say anything else.
You weren't mad, nor were you sad that you were getting laid off from your shitty job, so why were tears escaping down your face? Soon, hiccups followed, then a broken sob was let out. Maybe it's because you hadn't shown any form of emotion in the past years, maybe it's because you cried so much on the day where you realised how Shidou disappeared and would never come back that you just didn't have anymore tears left to cry. You sobbed on the so very cold blue and white tiled floor. Oh, how you sobbed your poor heart out. Each one coming out more broken than the previous one.
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Beautiful, the city lights, you never thought you'd ever get to see a scenery like this. You had your very own light show. The car lights resembling shooting stars raced along the streets of Tokyo, you wondered which one would win if they had truly been shooting stars. You wished you could've seen a shooting star, but you knew that you'd never get to see one. At least you'll be able to become one now, that's what your mother always said when you used to recount your goals in life to her. "You're gonna be a shooting star, sweetheart". Oh, how naive you were. No worries though, you'll soon join them in the constellations, the same constellations you'd observe every night from your tiny balcony.
You stepped up onto the edge. Admiring the city lights one final time before shutting your eyelids and slowly beginning to lean forward.
Yet, you're stopped by a sudden burst. You turn your head to face them, "I guess my plans will have to be delayed..". Booked it, you made it out of there in record time.
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You had always told yourself that if you were to die, it would be by your own means, in a perfectly choreographed dance. Their yells were growing louder and louder, they were gaining on you. With each turn you made, you were convinced you were stuck in a maze made of brick walls. Ah, it would have seemed that your luck had finally run out. You stared at the massive wall standing before you, panting. "Man,...howthefuck...didI...endup...likethis?.." the last thing you felt was a hard blow to the head.
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Bright, that was the first thing you thought of when you opened your eyes again. "Thought I lost y'a there..." you knew that voice, you knew it all too well. "Just who were those thugs who chased y'a through the city like that?" That's right, that's how you ended up here. You were chased. "Loan...sharks..my parents..owed a shit ton of money..." your throat was terribly dry, your voice came out so hoarse. You sounded like a dying man. "Your parents...owed?" you remained silent, you prepared yourself for what he was about to say. "If they managed to pay off the debt, why are they still going after y'a?" Nevermind, he still isn't as bright, you guessed some things really never do change. "That's none of your business..." the infamous silence returned and lingered between the two of you.
"I never forgot you, I know I sound like a liar, and I don't blame you..They took away our phones and only let us communicate with our families if we impressed the coach enough" "Then, after the project, why didn't you come find me sooner?.." He was silent for a moment, but it was short-lived. "After each game, I was always wondering if you were watching from the big screen. "I never forgot, I would never be able to, no matter how hard I tried."
"I love you, I always have. I was just dumb and naive."
"Then stop it."
"What?" You could hear the confusion in his voice.
"Stop loving me because I can't love you, at least not anymore."
Your gaze never left the ceiling, not even for a millisecond.