GUESS WHO'S FUCKING BACK Y'ALL!!????
In reality I never really left I just made a new book. But now that that's finished I want to hop back on this one again because I fucking love to write on this!!
I have a cold so that sucks really bad because I have to cough the whole time and my throat is itchy.😖😖😖
Anyway. This is kind of long so.. I'm making this the start of a new little thing we arrived to in our book, if yk what I mean.😇 there's a part about the concealer and a part about how Matt is actually feeling. it's a mix between angst, humor and fluff. Who doesn't want that?
Anyways I'm gonna stop rambling here an let y'all read this chapter. I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm happy to be back on here and I love you guys💗💗💗❤️❤️❤️❤️
T.W. cursing, mentions of self harm, self harm scars, mention of high school😓😨
(Not me trigger warning y'all for cursing after that paragraph😇)
(I also wanted to say that I noticed some of y'all commenting and relating to things in my book and i wanted to let y'all know that I'm always here if you need to talk or vent💗💗)
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Matt looked at Chris in shock. Reunion? Hell no. Reunion when the weather outside is warmer than Nick's blood boiling when Chris brings up potatoes? Not a fucking chance. Matt hated high school, everyone there sucked. He is not going anywhere and especially not in this heat.
"No." He says. Nick and Chris look at him with worry in their eyes. They didn't expect anything different from him though. Matt hated everyone in high school. Mainly because they all seemed to have so much fun in life. Matt became jealous. Why can't I just be normal? He asked himself, over and over again. He didn't want to be reminded of that. The times he would have an anxiety attack every time he was out in public. When he threw up because of how the anxiety would get to him. He can't help but wanting to kill himself thinking back at that. He finds it embarrassing..
Nick sees Matt's pupils dilate, meaning he's completely zoned out and trapped inside his mind. He looks to his side to see Chris who is also looking at Matt with a worried expression.
Nick sighs.
"Matt calm down, okay?" He starts. Matt snaps out of his thoughts and looks back at Nick, who is now walking up to him. "I know you probably don't wanna go because of how you hated high school and.. stuff like that. But, maybe it's fun. You haven't left the house in two weeks. I think it's probably a good idea to meet some other people." He tries to reason.
Matt hesitates. "I don't know, I really don't want to.." he sees Chris and Nick's faces dropping. Confusion takes over his body which then turns into guilt quickly. Oh, they wanted to go.. Nick and Chris wanted to go and Matt was holding them back. He mentally sighs and decides not to be selfish for once. "Fine." He says before walking back to his room and shutting the door.
A few hours later he hears a gentle knock on his door followed by Nick coming into his room. "Hey." Matt says. "Hey," Nick answers. He sighs and walks over to Matt, sitting at his bedside. "So.. I'm sorry for pushing you to go to the thing, me and Chris just thought it was fun. But we don't have to go if you don't want to." He smiles while looking Matt in the eyes.
"No it's fine, I shouldn't hold you back because I'm- because I.. am more introverted." He struggles. Matt smiles and Nick returns the smile softly.
"Chris and I had an idea.." he says hesitantly. Matt looks at him a little confused but decides to listen and hear them out for once.
"We thought, maybe because it's so warm. and you're probably going to have to wear a short sleeved shirt- we thought maybe we could cover your arms.. like in concealer or something."
Matt looks at Nick in confusion for a moment. He tried to put concealer on his wrists once, when he just started. He didn't realize it could get infected though, but it did. And it hurt like hell. "Yeah that could work." He blurs out. He looks back at Nick. He has a hesitant spark in his eyes and he looks worried but Matt just makes a motion for Nick to leave and then falls back down on his bed.
When he thinks about tomorrow the motivation slowly leaves his body. Hundreds of what if's enter his mind. His heart aches.
Why is this happening?
I'm fine.
I'm better.
I don't have these waves of anxiety anymore.
Not even when I think of things that I don't look forward to.
Not even when I'm in public places.
My anxiety is gone.
I recovered.
Right?
Energy leaves his body. These thoughts drain him. They drain him until he sees no color in the world anymore. They drain him until his eyes get heavy. They drain him until the darkness of sleep welcomes him.
I'm better.
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Matt wakes up with a heavy heart. What feels heavier though is his body. He has to drag it out of bed if he wanted to. Which he doesn't, he doesn't want to get out of bed so he doesn't. He stays there for another two hours. Staring at nothing other than the ceiling. Nick and Chris probably think he's still sleeping. After two hours passed he looks at his bedroom door, sighs and reluctantly pulls the sheets off him. As soon as he has shuffled closer to the door the smell of eggs fill his nose. But for some weird ass reason Matt wants nothing more than to throw up at the smell. Normally he would've been excited for breakfast. Now all he thinks about is consuming the food like a disgusting pig.
Gross..
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He slowly opens his door and makes his way to the kitchen. He gets welcomed by Chris and Nick sitting in the kitchen, both enjoying their breakfast. Matt considers turning around and running back to his bed for a second but then his eyes meet Nick's and gets welcomed by a warm smile from the other.
"Morning Matt." Nick says casually with a smile. "Hi." Matt answers, he tries to break into a smile but it seems like it isn't enough for Nick because his face changes into worry and the smile he just had faded at Matt's 'hi'.
He doesn't say anything though, just looks up and down at Matt and then turns around to get him some eggs. He hesitantly sits down next to Chris who is eating his eggs like he hasn't eaten in days.
Before he knows it, there's a plate in front of him. Five minutes go by without Matt putting any piece of food in his mouth. He just stares at it. "Matt," Nick says, he sounds like an angry mother. Matt looks up at him to see the worried look in his eyes. Guilt immediately washes over him. Of course he's worrying his brother's when they literally just woke up. "Sorry, I'll eat." Matt apologizes innocently. "It's okay." Nick sighs.
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"Nick this is not the right fucking color dude." Chris laughs. He's looking at how Nick is trying to apply concealer to Matt's arm and it's honestly really funny. Someone get Chris some popcorn.
"It's not my fault he's so fucking pale!" Nick yells defensively. He dips the concealer stick back into the tube and pulls it out again to cover the rest of Matt's arms.
"'He' is right here you fucking dumbass, you don't have to talk about me in third person." Matt rolls his eyes. At that Chris breaks out in laughter again.
"Okay, lose the fucking attitude Matt. I'm helping you right here." Matt sighs again, in his head popping up a thought that he's glad he never said.
Nick then moves to grab a brush and starts to spread the liquid out on Matt's arms. "This is fucking ridiculous.." Matt mutters under his breath. He flinches at Nick starting to aggressively work with the brush. "Wha-" Matt gets cut off by Nick.
"I fucking agree, This stupid stuff doesn't even cover it!" He yells angrily.
Chris is now chewing loudly on popcorn.
Good for him.
"Nick just leave it dude! We'll just stay home, I'm not even in the mood anymore to go out." Nick's face turns into confusion for a second, not taking his eyes off Matt's arm. "What do you mean? You're literally laughing you're ass off there."
"Exactly! I don't wanna get my mood ruined by some high school bullies who are jealous because we're probably the only ones not working at McDonald's." Chris says casually while stuffing his mouth full with popcorn.
Nick now snaps his head at Chris and looks at him with a dropped jaw. "Are you fucking kidding? Does this mean I literally just, SMEARED Matt's arm in make up just so you could say: Im NoT In ThE FuCkInG MoOd AnYmOrE!?" He exclaims angrily, the las part being said in a mocking voice.
Chris nods. "Yep." He breaks into a bright, innocent smile while looking at Nick.
Nick then slams the brush on the ground and glares at Chris. It causes both of his brother's to slightly flinch, nick feels bad for Matt so he casually gives Matt a rub on his hand. Chris on the other hand..
"You're a fucking idiot!" Nick yells. Chris burst into laughter almost immediately while Matt tries his best to keep his laughter to himself.
"Come on Matt, let's get this Fucking shut off your arm.." Nick sighs, still angry. He stands up, grabs Matt's hand and drags him with him, causing Matt to trip and almost fall.
Chris laughs at the pair and shrugs to himself, glad they don't have to go anymore and even happier that Matt doesn't have to walk around with a stain of concealer on his arm.
Nick is slightly disappointed but also happy since what Chris had just said before was probably painfully true.
He drags a giggling Matt to the bathroom. When they arrived Nick reminds himself to stop being angry and naturally becomes ten times gentler.
He takes Matt's arm and wets a washcloth to wash the makeup off. He gently rubs over the younger's arm since this wasn't just an arm, it was Matt's scarred arm, and there was no way Nick was going to be rough on his literal scars. So he takes his time to clean his arm and then grabs a towel to dry it.
When he's done he looks up at Matt again, not letting go of his arm. "That went well." Matt laughs. "Yeah.." Nick sighs. "Thank you though, for helping me." Nick smiles at his little brother and they lock eyes for a second. "That's what I'm here for!" He says.
Something suddenly changes in Matt's eyes. He steps forward and pulls Nick in for a tight hug. Nick gladly hugs Matt back and ruffles through the boy's hair. "Mhm." Matt then brings out.
"You okay Matty? You've been a little off the last days." Matt smiles, for some reason Nick always knows when there's something going on. "Yeah, I'm okay." Matt buries his head in Nick's shoulder, enjoying the elder's body warmth and gentle hands massaging his scalp.
"NICK!!" A voice whines from the kitchen. "MATT!" The voice calls again. Matt instantly breaks into giggles. "Can this kid really not without us for ten minutes?" Nick laughs. "You know he can't." Matt answers, both not letting go of the hug.
The door suddenly flies open. "You guys are hugging without me?" Chris whines. "What about it?" Matt questions coldly. Nick then puts a hand out and motions for Chris to join them, which he gladly does.
They stand there like that. enjoying their little hug, melting into each other's touch.
"Love y'all." Matt says with a soft voice.
"Love y'all back."
They definitely bursted into laughter after that.
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