You're so fucking tired of this.
Nothing ever goes your way. The moment you let your guard down and allow yourself to feel somewhat optimistic-like during your date with Xavier earlier-some other shit has to happen and drag you back to cold, bitter reality. You're constantly being reminded that you have no right to hope, or dream, and no matter how hard you try, it all feels pointless in the end.
You can't help but think that it might have been easier if Felix actually killed you.
Speaking of Felix, he looks just about as taken aback as you are, except your expression is gradually turning to somber resignation.
"Karl?" Felix blinks. "What are you trying to say? Just leave her alone. I fucked up big-time... and we already gave her the money. She doesn't need to get involved with us. Can't we pretend like the whole thing never happened?"
The last part of what he just said is incredibly insulting, considering you nearly died tonight, but you get the sense that he's not saying it to avoid culpability. It actually feels like he's trying to spare you for a change, which is weird, because he was willing to break into your apartment earlier just to take what he wanted. Perhaps the guilt has finally gotten to him.
Unfortunately, it's too little, too late.
"Shut up," Karl grits out. "Now that I know what's been happening, I have no choice but to clean up your mess. Honestly, I don't what your father was thinking, letting you come to this city and do as you please. I've never questioned his judgment before, but he should have known better than to leave you to your own devices."
"Didn't he send you to watch over me? Maybe you should have done your job properly. I won't tell my dad about your negligence, so wouldn't it be better for all of us to sweep this under the rug?"
For the first time ever, you find yourself agreeing with Felix. He acted like he would go insane without being able to drink your blood-and to his credit, he pretty much did-but he doesn't seem to be pushing to keep you around anymore. The shock of nearly killing someone was clearly too much for him to stomach.
Maybe, with a bit of convincing on his part, Karl will agree to let you go?
"I'll give back the money," you mumble. "If that's what it takes. I don't care anymore. Just please let me live my life. I have no intention of getting either of you in trouble. I've always been good at keeping to myself and minding my own business. I'll give back the money, and I'm sorry that you had to pay for my blood transfusion. If you want me to cover the cost of that as well, I will. I just really want to leave. I'm begging you."
It's pathetic that you're apologizing to the people responsible for the fact that you nearly died earlier, but even though money means the world to you, you would much rather pay them off and cut ties completely.
But based on the way Karl narrows his eyes at you, he doesn't seem willing to entertain your suggestion.
"Money isn't the issue," he scowls. "It's the fact that you're a massive liability. And I don't blame you. The fault lies with Felix for getting careless and doing such foolish things. But if I let you walk away now and pretend like this never happened, at some point, it could end up screwing us over. That simply isn't an option."
You blink tiredly. To be frank, you're too exhausted to even muster up any more tears. Your bleary eyes flicker towards the blood bag hanging above you, and even though you should probably be used to the sight of blood by now, you cringe at how the dark red fluid drips down through the tube.
It's true that you can't always blame everyone else for your problems, but sometimes, it truly, genuinely isn't your goddamn fault.
This just isn't fair.
"So, what am I supposed to do?" you ask, voice practically lifeless. "Are you going to keep me trapped here? Will I never be able to leave this place ever again?"
"That's certainly one option, but luckily for you, I'm willing to be more flexible."
Right. That's me. The luckiest person alive.
"From now on, you will be in direct contact with me," Karl states. "Felix and I will meet with you at least once a week, and you are required to respond to all my messages promptly and confirm your location. I will be tracking your phone, so you don't get any funny ideas. And since Felix is so enamored with the taste of your blood, I will compensate you accordingly so long as you provide him with what he needs. That way the arrangement is more than fair."
This guy must be out of his goddamn mind. More than fair...? It doesn't matter how he slices it, from this moment onward, they are basically holding you hostage. How is this any different than what Johnny does by holding your parents' debt over your head and threatening to kill you if you don't meet his demands?
It's the exact same fucking situation. You'll be making money instead of giving it away, but ultimately, your life is in the hands of someone else.
You blink again, eyelids feeling heavier by the second. It's obvious that you have no choice. Now, even if you earn enough money to eventually pay off your debt, it looks like you'll still be trapped. Your only hope is that the money you earn in the process might one day be enough for you to run away and start a new life somewhere else, but you doubt they would ever give you that kind of opportunity.
So, it's settled then.
Your life is officially over.
"Maybe you should just kill me," you say, completely defeated. "Ideally, please make it as painless as possible. Drug me and put me to sleep first or something. I don't know. I just don't see the point anymore."
Felix's brows skyrocket. "W-What? Don't say that, [Name]. It's going to be okay. I'm really sorry for what happened. I seriously can't even begin to apologize. But you're going to be alright. Karl doesn't know what he's talking about. He just needs a moment to calm down and think things through. Right, Karl?"
Much to Felix's dismay-and also yours-Karl isn't deterred in the slightest.
"Such an overdramatic response," Karl sighs heavily. "Obviously I'm not going to kill you, since I went to all this trouble to keep you alive. I'm sure you don't mean that anyways. If you really are prepared to lay down your life, then you would have already done it yourself. But you cling to what little you have left, just like all of us do. I know you have no intention of dying, so please, don't waste my time with this whiny nonsense."
You thought you were all out of tears, but surprisingly, you can feel your eyes stinging, and soon enough, your vision blurs.
He's right. Even though everything is hopeless, there's a reason you still haven't killed yourself. You don't have what it takes to willingly embrace death. No matter how painful your life is, no matter how bleak it gets, you don't even have the backbone to put an end to it.
"Karl!" Felix exclaims. "Cut it the fuck out! I thought we agreed to let her leave after compensating her. She nearly died tonight, and you want to stress her out even more? She's not the type to report us. Otherwise, she would have already said something about me by now. Please, can we just drop it? I feel awful. I still can't believe we ended up in this position."
It's disgustingly ironic. Up until tonight, he was desperate to keep drinking your blood, no matter what, but now he's begging to let you go-even though it's definitely not going to happen.
"You have no say in this," Karl shrugs. "It looks like you're regretting your actions, but that just means you shouldn't have caused so much trouble in the first place. I have no reason to trust her. The safest option is to keep her close. We have too much to lose by letting her go free."
You feel like protesting further, but you already know there's no point. You're not sure who in their right mind would be stupid enough to make an enemy out of a bunch of gangsters, so what he's doing is certainly overkill, but you suppose the only other alternative in Karl's eyes is killing you outright.
As far as he's concerned, he's letting you off easy.
"In fact, let me draft a contract," Karl says. "That'll be some good insurance to have. Written proof that you consented to sell your blood privately to Felix won't look good for you. People will be less likely to trust the words of someone who engaged in illegal business."
You nod weakly. "Fine. I'll sign whatever contract you want. It doesn't make a difference, because I already promised not to say a word."
"Come on, Karl," Felix keeps trying to insist. "We don't have to do this. I really want to put it behind us. I'm ashamed of the mistakes I made. Please, please just let her go. This is way too cruel."
Felix isn't willing to give in, and while you appreciate that he's trying so hard to convince him (which is really the least he can do, after he nearly killed you), it's clear that Karl isn't going to change his mind. You've known him for all of five minutes, but already, it seems to be an indisputable fact.
Karl narrows his eyes. "Good. Be ashamed. That'll keep you from doing stupid shit in the future. In this instance, however, it's too late. I don't have the power to go back in time and change the past. [Name] puts us at risk, and I refuse to let her out of our sight."
Felix lowers his head, visibly shaken. You're at the point where you've resigned yourself to your fate. It's not like you're not used to it by now. Perhaps you should stop having any hopes or expectations in the first place. Yeah. That's probably for the best. You should embrace the fact that you're in hell, plain and simple.
"Give me a moment to draft the contract," Karl says, reaching for a pen and paper. "And don't worry. I'm being remarkably generous, because based on the apartment you live in, it looks like you could really use the money. You'll benefit from this arrangement, and so will we. No one has any reason to feel dissatisfied."
He's right. You don't feel dissatisfied. As a matter of fact, you no longer feel anything at all.
In place of your heart, only emptiness remains.
You wait for Karl to be finished, and all the while, Felix tugs at his hair, stewing in his own guilt. Needless to say, you don't feel any empathy for him, regardless of how much he regrets his actions. He's the whole reason you're even in this mess. You will resent him until your dying breath.
"There you go," Karl eventually says, extending the contract towards you. "Sign right there, please. You can take a moment to read it over. It clearly outlines that you've agreed to provide Felix with your blood on a regular basis. It says that you have the right to refuse to give blood if your body is not in an adequate condition, but otherwise, you will adhere to Felix's schedule and preferences."
"I already said I don't want it anymore," Felix mutters bitterly. "Don't make her do this. I don't need any reason to hate myself."
Karl ignores him, smiling as he holds the contract out expectantly. You pause for a moment before taking it in your hands. Whether you sign the contract or not makes no real difference. Either way, these assholes now have a death grip on your heart.
It's a good thing you've gotten used to being miserable.
"Done," you say. You've officially signed the contract, and Karl nods, looking pleased with your cooperation.
"I will be present to ensure that Felix doesn't lose control and takes only a small portion of your blood at a time," Karl reassures. "You won't be in any danger from now on. It's true that killing you would be much easier, but it's clear that Felix cares about you. Call me sentimental, but I've got a soft spot for him. Even if he's a real dumbass at times."
"What soft spot?" Felix glares. "I asked you over and over again to let [Name] go, but you still resorted to these slimy tactics."
Karl chuckles. "Okay, so would you rather I kill her?"
"No. Of course not. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Well, those are the only two options. I've already explained why she poses a risk to us, so if I were you, I'd be happy that she's still breathing, rather than buried ten feet in the ground. You don't get to be picky after all the shit you've done."
Felix opens his mouth to protest again, but he must have finally realized it's pointless, because he quickly lowers his gaze, having adopted the same defeated expression as yours.
"I promise to cooperate with all your rules. Can I go now?" you ask wearily.
"Yes," Karl nods. "Unless you'd rather wait a bit longer and make sure you've recovered all your strength. There's still a bit left until the transfusion is completely done."
In all honesty, you still feel pretty weak-as is often the case when people lose a nearly fatal amount of blood-but the thought of staying here any longer makes you sick to your stomach.
You're alive, and at this point, that's the most you can hope for.
"I'm fine," you say. "I just want to go home and sleep."
"Alright, then. Don't push yourself. You've agreed to provide Felix with your blood from now on, and it would be a shame if you couldn't hold up your end of the deal."
Fuck you.
Karl flashes you a sickeningly sweet smile, which is clearly intended to rub you the wrong way, and he proceeds to carefully remove the IV from your arm. He offers you his hand to help you to your feet, but you clench your jaw and insist on standing up yourself. You have little to no pride left at all, but you refuse to rely on scumbags like him.
"I hope you don't mind, but I took your phone earlier," Karl says. He withdraws it from his pocket and hands it to you. "I've taken the liberty of installing software that will allow me to track where you go. Needless to say, you must ensure your phone is constantly on, so that it regularly updates me. If you ever turn your phone off for whatever reason, I will assume the worst, and I will come after you. Do you understand?"
"What am I supposed to do if my phone breaks or something?" you gape. "I can't control external factors. I already promised not to rat either of you out, so what more do you want from me?"
"I guess you'll just have to be exceedingly careful," he shrugs. "Well, I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Perhaps I'll provide you with a back-up phone later on, just to be sure we don't encounter such issues. But I hope you know that trying to deceive me won't go over well. I'll know if you're lying to me. That much, I can promise you."
This is sounding more suffocating by the second, but regardless, all you can do is nod begrudgingly.
You rub at the sore spot where the IV needle was lodged in your arm just a few moments ago. "Okay. I understand. I really do, so I can leave now, right?"
"Yes. Keep your phone on and respond to all my messages, and meet with Felix on a regular basis. So long as you cooperate with us and are fully transparent, there shouldn't be any problems. You'll get used to it over time. It shouldn't affect the quality of your life. You'll even be getting paid."
You do your best to keep from openly scowling. What a load of shit. He can glorify it all he wants, at the end of the day, you're basically his fucking prisoner.
"When did you even install something like that on [Name]'s phone?" Felix blinks in disbelief.
"Earlier. When you were hyperventilating in the bathroom before her condition stabilized."
Felix shamefully averts his gaze, not that you give a rat's ass about his feelings. What's more important is the fact that Karl had already planned on tracking you from the start. Even if he claimed you were 'free' to go, no doubt he would have kept a close eye on you for the foreseeable future.
Whatever. There's no point in getting tied up in the details anymore. You were fucked from the moment Felix got a taste of your blood.
"I suppose we'll leave it here for tonight," Karl says. "All things considered, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't make me regret giving you a bit of liberty. The alternative is undoubtedly worse."
You stare at him, eyes tired and heavy, then you eventually nod one last time. It doesn't look like there's any way out of this. The most you can do is play it safe to avoid ending up face down in a ditch.
Karl steps aside to let you pass through, and you move as briskly as your weakened body will allow you.
You're already halfway out the door, with no intention of looking back, but before you can step outside, Felix grabs onto your wrist.
You jerk away from him in the blink of an eye, eyes wide and trembling.
"S-Sorry," Felix apologizes. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to say... I'm really sorry for how things turned out. I don't even know where to begin. I'm going to do whatever I can to convince Karl to leave you alone. My father is the one in charge, so if I build a good case, I might be able to get Karl to back off."
"Didn't Karl say earlier that your father would have left me to die back there?" you glare. "If you confide in him, I can bet what decision he'll make. So, if you want to get me killed for real this time, go right ahead. Otherwise, drop it. You've already done enough."
Felix balls his hands into fists. "I'll... I'll figure something out. I promise."
"Don't bother. You'll just fuck up my life even more."
You walk out the door before he can say anything else. It's all bullshit anyways. There's no turning back from this. Gangsters are hardly the type to forgive and forget.
Outside, the sky is pitch black. It's the middle of the night, and the streets are completely desolate. You sway unsteadily on your feet, exhausted from lack of proper sleep, lack of blood, and lack of hope.
Just a few hours ago, you were happy. Now, the time you spent with Xavier feels like a distant dream. It feels like an illusion you concocted to cope with your miserable circumstances. Perhaps it actually is.
You're not even sure where you plan on going. Your apartment was broken into, and the window is still gaping open, practically inviting strangers in. The thought of being attacked by some other creep is hardly farfetched, considering how atrocious your luck is.
The fear has almost completely dissipated by this point. Even the shock is starting to wear off. You're not really surprised anymore. It's the sort of thing you've come to expect by now.
Feeling as if you have nothing left to lose, you open up your contacts list and dial one of the numbers. It's the middle of night, so you doubt he'll pick up. It's been ages since you last heard from him anyways.
But much to your surprise, a familiar voice greets you.
"...[Name]?"
Caleb answers the call, sounding groggy and disoriented. It's obvious he was just woken up.
Honestly, you don't know what to say. You're surprised that he even answered, especially after all the time he spent ignoring your messages.
Unsettled by your silence, Caleb clears his throat. "Hey. Is everything okay? It's the middle of the night. Are you safe?"
No. I'm never safe.
That's what you want to tell him, but you find it difficult to form the right words. You thought you were completely numb after everything that happened, after the new shitstorm life threw your way, but against all odds, you find yourself shaking, and a new wave of sobs builds in the back of your throat.
"C-Caleb," you whimper pitifully. "I'm sorry, but... can I please spend the night?"