Chapter 30: Normalcy.
"You remember too much,
my mother said to me,
Why hold onto all that?
And I said,
Where do I put it down?"
'The Glass Essay', Anne Carson—
It wasn't the best idea to meet up today.
My shift at the café is longer than expected. Chan has something due tomorrow morning for one of his college subjects and I kind of owe him for what he did yesterday, so I tell him to go home and finish the assignment.
He's reluctant, of course he is, but I push him out the door with force and he gives up eventually, embarrased that the eyes of some clients are strictly on us.
At six thirty in the afternoon, I text Jisung that we should meet up some other day.
Trailing my eyes through the familiar place, I find myself smiling at the normalcy of everything, the routine I've managed to get back into despite being on the verge of a breakdown just yesterday. The fact that the people I love, the essentials in my life, haven't left even after I let myself be vulnerable in front of them, makes a smile creep up to my face.
I find Felix's figure in the corner of the café, headphones on, tongue poking out and focus strictly on the homework he has to finish, the same I have as well. I'll take care of it later.
The place isn't full, only a few faces coming into my vision when I let my eyes wander around. There's a calm atmosphere that has settled as soon as busy hours were over, it soothes me into comfort. The bell at the door rings and takes my focus with it.
Jisung bursts in, smile wide on his lips and direction set on his feet as he walks directly towars me.
I can't help the fond twist of my lips that settles into a kind grin. "What are you doing here?" I say. My voice comes off too sweet, maybe, but I'm past the point of caring.
Jisung jumps and sits on the counter as if this was my house. I slap him off, because clients are staring. "Hey!" he complains.
"No one wants their food close to somewhere your butt as touched, Jisung." A bit dramatically, I'll admit, because I want to piss him off, I start searching for the disinfectant and a wipe.
Jisung pouts. "I'm happy to see you too." His eyes are trained on my every move, I can feel them. "I came because I still want to brainstorm for the project, Min."
I softly hum, acknowledging his statement and cleaning the counter still. He slaps my hand and I have to fight the urge to spray him with the disinfectant on the face. When I'm done, I put away the stuff with some glaring from Jisung's part.
However, he doesn't hold the fierce, half-annoyed stare for much longer after I open the little door on the counter, inviting him to join me here were only staff is supposed to be. As he settles with a content smile somewhere close to me, my heat starts picking up pace, especially after he slides a sly arm to wrap around my shoulders.
Looking away, I awkwardly scratch the back of my neck to distract myself from the obvious crimson crawling up to the tips of my ears. "I don't even know what the project is about." I mumble.
Jisung laughs, that pretty way of chuckling that, against my will, brings a grin to my face. "Do you even listen when our teacher speaks?"
I shake my head. "I'm mostly zoned out during history, sorry. I just find it really boring."
"And not maths?" he looks at me with disbelief shining in his eyes.
I shake my head, ready to retell my reasons for absolutely loving maths and science subjects in general. Especially biology, if you asked me. "Look, history is all war and greed, but maths? It feels like an escape room." Jisung looks at me, enchanted, and I get shy because how can I not when two sparkling brown galaxies are staring up at me with all the admiration in the world?
"You're gonna have to explain that metaphor, because I did not get it." he says.
I shake my head. "Some other time, we're getting off topic."
Jisung whines very dramatically, but his complaints about how now I've let him intrigued are cut short when a client walks up to the cashier get their other. I prepare it, an easy coffee and a croissant, and hand it to the customer with my waiter smile.
When I get back to Jisung's side, he's quick to lean into my personal space again and, this time, his arm wraps around my waist instead of my shoulders. "Where do you think you're putting that sneaky limb of yours?" I joke, narrowing my eyes at him, internally panicking.
Jisung shrugs and holds me tighter. "It's comfortable." he mumbles. I wonder if he's noticed my burning ears already.
I brush it off mentally, as if I'm not overly conscious of every part where his body presses against mine. "Do you want something to eat? I'll pay."
He shakes his head and I hum. "The project is about World War two, by the way. We can research about anything as long as it happened between nineteen thirty-nine and nineteen forty-five."
"Do you have something in mind? Something you really want to do?" I ask next. I don't really care what we do because I'll end up hating it regardless, like everything else history-related, so it's best if Jisung chooses the topic.
Besides, I can tell that he's excited to talk about what he had planned if the sparkle of excitement in his eyes is anything to go by. "I've had a few ideas, actually." That first sentence is a sneak peek of his upcoming rambling, so I mentally prepare for the sea of words that is about to fill my ears.
However, instead of Jisung's melodic voice, is Felix's deep one that I hear first. "Min, I'm going home now." he says, sounding tired. "Are you coming later or staying at Jisung's?"
Before I'm able to answer, the asshole standing right next to me opens his big mouth to blurt out that 'Of course Minho's sleeping at mine! We're gonna cuddle all night long!'. The only rational thing I can do is smack the back of his head, obviously. "I think I'll stay with the idiot, he needs to help me with homework too."
"Why did you smack me if you were gonna say the same thing I did?" Jisung complains.
I playfully roll my eyes. "I didn't say cringe, false information like you."
At that, Jisung scowls. "It isn't false, we are going to cuddle."
Felix chuckles at the whole ordeal. "You fight like a married couple." If my ears could physically flush more crimson, they would.
"Quit your bullshit." My desperate attempt to sound intimidating instead of embarrassed is unsurprisingly fruitless.
With a smile, Felix waves at us and leaves, backpack full on his back with textbooks and stuff. Before that, he promises he'll call me and makes Jisung swear he'll take care of me as if I wasn't literally two years older than him and the actual adult in the room. Jisung, all too vehemently, takes Felix's hand and swears on his life that he'll make me the happiest man alive.
The words stir something in my stomach. I feel like vomiting rainbows, flowers and butterflies.
I'm actually happy when a customer leaves the café and I have to clean up the, now vacant, table. It means that I'll be able to divorce this conversation that is filled with phrases too similar to the ones said in sappy weddings.
The ring of the bell tells me Felix is finally gone to get the rest he deserves. That, and a clingy squirrel latching to my side while humming a soft song, one I've never heard before.
It's catchy, I realize as I set my focus on the subtle melody. Jisung keeps singing it softly and the more it goes on, the more I feel like I'm falling in love with it. Without any lyrics to go by, the sound is still mesmerizing and manages to fully captivate me. It feels like a sunny summer morning, I love it.
"Which song is that? I really like it." I say as I turn around to go back to the counter. If I get the chance to have such a masterpiece on my playlist, I'll take it.
Jisung opens his eyes wide and blushes like crazy, but a smile dances on his lips. "You really like it?" he asks. I nod and hum to further confirm that I, in fact, love it. It was love at first hear, or something. "I just made it up."
Now it's my turn to widen my eyes. Did he just come up with a full song while watching me clean a dirty table? "How?" I settle on asking.
He just shrugs. Then, he opens his eyes as he realizes something. "Minhoooo!" he whines. "We haven't talked about the project at all!"
Oh.
He's right. "Well, then, tell me your ideas because I have none." The sparkle of excitement is back and my eyes scan him fondly.
Someone enters the café, but I don't turn my head or move. My eyes are strictly on Jisung, waiting for him to speak up his mind.
"Is this the way you attend customers when I'm not here?" Chan says.
Reluctantly, I turn my head to look at him. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugs and smiles. "Finished my assignment. You can go home now." I look at the clock behind me.
It reads 7:45pm. My shift should have ended one hour and forty-five minutes ago, but I was going to stay until closing time to cover for Chan. I sigh, happy because I'm just exhausted and already looking forward to going home.
Except, I'm not going home. I'm going to Jisung's house. Where Jisung's parents are. Where Jisung lives.
Said boy is already intertwining our fingers, pulling me towards the staff room so I can change and grab my stuff. Said boy is visibly vibrating with excitement and I'm starting to get nervous.
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song: another day (stray kids)