Author's Note: *pokes head out from behind curtain* Sooooo uh...I'm GUESSING the last chapter may have made some of y'all upset...rightfully so!
But I promised a happy ending, and this chapter marks the start of it.
Strap yourselves in guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Because LEMME tell you...I've been waiting for this chapter for SO GODDAMN LONG!
Hope you enjoy!
Trigger Warning(s): Uncensored language, disassociation leading into a non-verbal episode due to sensory overload and honestly feeling 2x more pain than a normal person should in a situation like this, implied off-screen murder, implied off-screen character death, references to past physical/magical violence against another character, references to past suicidal ideation, references to past trauma, references to past child abuse/endangerment (both physical and emotional), and borderline misuse of medical equipment. Viewer discretion is advised.
---
BANG!
Grillbz felt it before he heard it...
The weightless panic that overtook him...
The fast beating of his soul as it pumped adrenaline throughout his system...
The fear...the shock...the outrage...the biting urge to protect, protect, PROTECT...!
...but then his mind and vision went completely white...his chest feeling as if it was exploding from the inside out as it felt like a hole was blown right through it.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Even before the others in the room could properly register what just happened on screen, they ALL heard the blood-curdling scream that exploded from Grillbz's mouth with reckless abandon; the elemental clutching his chest for dear life as he fell forward onto his knees, gasping for breath as he felt every nerve in his body positively WAIL with pain.
"DAD?! DAD ARE YOU OKAY?! DAD!"
Grillbz felt as if all sound left his ears, the sounds of his daughter calling and pleading to him sounding so muted and quiet compared to the cacophony of noise that was sounding in his head. The color in his flaming hair was shifting from black to purple to blue to white so quickly it almost made him look like a strobe light, his voice completely gone as he panted harshly, trying to keep oxygen pumping in and out of his system as his soul seemed to struggle to sustain a body that wasn't even dying to begin with.
There was beeping heard in the distance...so quick and repetitive it almost sounded like one long, high pitched drone of noise; marking the HP leaving Sans' body as his soul struggled to hold itself together.
He could feel hands on him...wrapping around him...trying to pull him to his feet...cupping his face to get his attention...trying to get him to focus on anything but the pain...
But all he could hear was the ringing...the high pitched ringing in his head that throbbed and pulsed with every beat of the soul monitor as it grew faster and faster; drowning out the voices around him so much that in spite of hearing the words spoken to him, it was all meshing together so much he could barely discern the meaning of any of them.
"-Grillbz?! GRILLBZ ARE YOU OKAY?! GRILLBZ-!"
"-Grillby, honey, can you hear us?! Are you there?! Come on honey, look at me! PLEASE-!"
"-Wait, no...that can only mean...oh fuck no he didn't...-"
"-What do you mean? Do you mean he...no. No no no no NO! No it CAN'T be! Sans?! SANS! BROTHER-!"
"-Wait...Sans? PAPA?! IS PAPA OKAY?! IS HE STILL THERE?! WHERE IS HE?! I CAN'T SEE HIM! CAN WE ZOOM IN OR SOMETHING?! PAPA-!"
"-HE GOT HIT! WE'RE DOWN TO 0-!"
"-Shit shit SHIT-!"
"-This isn't good...his HP is leaving fast...it won't be long now.-"
"-How much time does he have?! Could this still work-?!"
"-I-I DON'T KNOW! That was a blow right to the chest! Without something for his soul to be held in, he's too exposed and barely has the strength to sustain himself to begin with! I don't KNOW how much time he has-!"
"-Well we'd better FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT! It's ready isn't it-?!"
"-BARELY! I JUST inserted the needle into Sans' soul and it's ALREADY starting to deteriorate! Even if we hooked him up right now there's no TELLING what'll happen-!"
"-No...please...there has to be SOMETHING we can do! We came so far...we can't just let him go-!"
"-I know I KNOW! Uhhh uhhh...wh-what about Grillbz?! How's he holding up?! IS HIS SOUL OKAY-?!"
"-HE DEFINITELY LOST ANOTHER HP! Oh shit his soul...oh no Grillbz...-"
"-There weren't these many cracks before, were there?! How the hell is it still intact-?!"
"-He's been unresponsive since he collapsed...if he felt that gunshot...I don't even know if he can HEAR US right now. Even if he COULD...that kind of pain...this isn't like before! He's experiencing two dying monsters' worth of pain right now! That kind of overstimulation...with the state his soul is in...I don't think he COULD respond right now even if he wanted to! It's WAY too much to process all at once-!"
"-Wait...wait wait WAIT! Why can't I read his stats anymore?! GUYS! HIS SOUL WON'T COME BACK OUT! WE DON'T GOT A READ ON HIS CONDITION-!"
"-WHAT CAN WE DO-?!"
"-I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO-!"
"-YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SCIENTIST, AREN'T YOU-?!"
"-I CAN'T MAKE THIS KIND OF CALL IF THE DONOR IN QUESTION IS UNRESPONSIVE! HIS SOUL COULD BREAK ON SIGHT IF HE ISN'T AT LEAST MENTALLY PRESENT TO MAINTAIN IT DURING THE PROCEDURE! HE CAN'T DO THIS IF HE'S DISASSOCIATING THIS BAD! HE'S NOT IN STABLE CONDITION-!"
"-NEITHER OF THEM ARE IN STABLE CONDITION ALPHYS-!"
"-DAD PLEASE! WAKE UP-!"
"-Grillby, please, you NEED to talk to us! PLEASE! I know it's hard! I know it's WAY too much right now! I understand that honey! But PLEASE! We can't help either of you if you don't tell us what's going on! You don't have to speak if it's too much right now, it's okay! Just PLEASE! Give us a sign that you can hear us! That you're okay! GRILLBY-!"
He could hear voices...swimming in and out of his brain...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
It was like someone was messing with the volume knob in his head...turning it up and down with reckless abandon...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
There was so much...it was all so much...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
He could hear arguing...and fighting...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
He could hear sobbing...and shouting...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
So loud...it was all...so goddamn loud...so...fucking much...so many voices in his head...none of them shutting up for even a moment...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
Why won't it stop?
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
Why won't someone just make it stop?
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
Just make it stop...make it stop...make it stop make it stop make it stop MAKE IT STOP-!
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"-SANS WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! I'm a human soul! I would've survived! I WOULD'VE BEEN OKAY! A BULLET'S NOTHING! You gave me so much worse in SO MANY resets! WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO IT?!"
Wait...what was that?
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
...he could hear talking...talking so soft that it was almost hard to discern amongst the chaos going around him...sounding like it was coming from a radio turned so low it was almost on mute...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"I had to stop it...I couldn't just...let you get hurt again...I couldn't...I couldn't fail you again..."
Sans...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"You didn't FAIL ME! You NEVER failed me! It was MY FAULT! I LET HIM HURT YOU BECAUSE I WAS TOO WEAK TO STOP IT! I FAILED YOU! I was trying to PROTECT YOU and now you...y-you...because of ME you're..."
Chara...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"Was...never your fault...you...were so young...had so much to lose...I couldn't see...couldn't see how much you changed...pulled away too far...let this happen...I'm...I'm so sorry..."
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him...I'm so sorry I couldn't save you...I wanted to...I tried so hard but..."
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"And I promise...even if my time's up...that doesn't mean yours is....they'll get you out of here...I KNOW they will...they'll find a way to get you away from him...you don't have to suffer alone anymore, okay? Just keep fighting...keep surviving...you're gonna be okay again...I...I promise...just keep going...just like you always do...please...for me..."
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
Them...he did it for them...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"I-I'll try Sans...I'll really try..."
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
He had the chance to pull back...but he didn't...even when an out was right in front of him...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
He stayed....he stayed to save them...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"I-I'm sorry guys..."
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
He was dying...Sans was actually dying...
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
"I'm s-sorry...I couldn't keep my promise..."
Beeepbeeepbeeep...
...because he refused to let a child experience death at the hands of such a corrupted soul again.
BeeepbeeepbeeepBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
That one long drone of the monitor cut through the fog of his mind like a blade, his eyes snapping into focus as he glanced around frantically; his brain racing into overdrive as it began to finally process all of the sensations it was trying to spare him from in the last few minutes.
The burning throb in his chest...
The numbness settling in his limbs...
The feeling of hands gently holding his face shaking slightly as he turned to look at the owner of them, the face of his mother tearfully looking at him in relief.
"Grillbz? Oh Grillby, honey, THERE you are! Thought I lost you for a second there...you back with us?"
Grillbz's eyes would widen before he'd wince slightly in pain, raising his head to look past his mother's shoulder towards where everyone was crowding around the screen; the only hint he could get at whatever was going on being Fiyoku curled up on a chair nearby with her face buried in her hands.
What was going on? How was he doing? He couldn't see anything from over here. He NEEDED to know what was happening! Why did he have to melt off his glasses earlier? His nearsightedness was REALLY inconvenient right now! Damn astigmatism...
He'd feel his mother's hands move his face back to hers, her eyes searching his carefully.
"Sweetheart, please, I KNOW you're scared, but I need you to stay with me for a sec, okay? You weren't here for a few minutes and your soul isn't letting anyone read your stats. I need an update. Please...what's going on in there right now? Are you alright? Anything physical that needs healing? I need to know what condition you're in..." Adara would state seriously, watching as Grillbz's eyes darted between her and the crowd behind her for a second before he'd shake his head quickly; one hand gripping at his chest tightly as he raised the other to sign the best he could to her, only one thought on his mind since coming back.
"Sans...how...bad? He...okay?"
Adara would stare at Grillbz for a moment as she took in what he signed to her, inhaling deeply as she tried hard to keep her tears back.
"His soul became completely unresponsive about 30 seconds ago...his body is still showing signs of life, but probably not for much longer. His soul is deteriorating far too quickly for him to effectively maintain his physical form long term even WITH Chara's determination trying to keep him together in the simulator. If we could get your soul hooked up we MIGHT have a chance...but with your soul going on physical lockdown like this from the strain I don't see a safe way we could do that...I'm sorry honey...I'm so so sorry..."
Grillbz would go completely still at the news, hand dropping to his lap as he could only stare down at the ground for a moment; eyes wide in shock as silent tears began to form.
No...no she couldn't be serious...after all of this effort she couldn't ACTUALLY mean-!
"Oh shit...Sans isn't moving anymore..." he heard Kacee say, interrupting his thoughts and compelling Adara to look towards her wife as she began to get up, moving towards the screen.
"How long does he have now?" she would ask, looking down at the screen as Toriel put her arms around Papyrus and Frisk nearby; trying hard to keep it together as the two broke down in her embrace, Flowey not even able to look in their direction as he just stared down at the soil of his pot in a silent vigil.
"Based on how fast his soul is breaking apart...it won't be long now...maybe another two minutes before it loses shape completely..." Alphys would mutter, removing her glasses as she looked down at the ground.
"Given the circumstances and the state of Grillbz's soul...I don't know how we could manage a transplant without risk of breaking it even further...I'm sorry but...it looks like we're too late..."
...too...too late?
No...no no no no no no no no no no NO! It couldn't just end like this! Not after all they've been through! Not after all he had to endure! Not after everything HE did to him! So many words unsaid...so much left undone...so much of their lives still left to live...it couldn't just end HERE! He couldn't just be LOSING HIM like this after all they've survived together! After all of the hell they've faced together, he couldn't just be WATCHING his best friend die right now like it was all for nothing! This couldn't just be the end!
No...no he couldn't lose him like this...he couldn't just lose him...not after he JUST accepted that none of it was his fault...not after he was finally accepting the fact that he DID deserve to live...not after years of agony and self hatred was FINALLY beginning to start healing. He couldn't be losing him now...he couldn't he couldn't he couldn't...
...he won't...
He isn't.
His stupid, broken soul be damned.
He is NOT losing him to that MONSTROSITY again!
Fiyoku's head would lift from where it was shoved in her hands for a moment, her teary face wracked with shock when she began to hear the sound of movement behind her.
"D-Dad?" she'd question, turning around to find the source of movement; only to go wide eyed at the sight before her.
Every fiber of his being was screaming, but Grillbz internally screamed right back as he gritted his teeth; hissing in pain as he forced himself to his feet, bracing himself against the chair behind him as he stumbled forward towards the cot Papyrus had only been in a short while ago.
"Woa woa woa, Grillby wait! Hold on-!"
The quiet sounds of protest from his mother barely registered as he cried out slightly in pain, his grip on his chest so tight it threatened to rip through his shirt as he used his free hand to reach towards the cot.
He couldn't feel his legs...he could feel his balance leaving him as he attempted a step forward...
"Hey hey HEY hey hey! Grillbz, slow down-!" he heard his former teacher say, arms reaching to help him back up when he fell forward on the cot; his free hand braced against the top of it as he pulled himself closer to the machine recently placed next to it.
No...no time...he HAD to keep going...
"Oh shit...ALPHYS GET THE MACHINE READY! I THINK HE'S GOING FOR IT!"
Had to get to him...had to get to him...
"Wait, what is he doing?! Grillbz?! GRILLBZ?!"
He panted slightly as he almost tripped over the wires beneath his feet, his hand barely catching against the cart next to him as the tray on top rattled from the impact; the needle staring right at him as he followed the line to where it connected to Sans' soul.
"ONLY 60 SECONDS LEFT! WHATEVER YOU'RE TRYING TO DO YOU'D BETTER MAKE IT FAST!"
He did his best to ignore the shouts of surprise and protest behind him as he reached for the needle, biting back another agonized sob as he gripped is harshly; his hand shaking as he stared at it for a moment, eyes wide as he began to process what he was about to do.
"Holy shit, IS HE REALLY GOING TO DO IT?!"
"It's dusting fast, it's gonna be close!"
"IS HE CRAZY?!"
"30 SECONDS!"
"Grillbz I SWEAR to god you'd better know what you're doing!"
"But his soul's on lockdown! It can't even leave his chest! WHAT IS HE PLANNING TO DO?!"
"CAN THIS EVEN STILL WORK?! WHAT IS HE THINKING?!"
"GRILLBZ ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?!"
"GRILLBZ!"
"GRILLBY!"
"GRILLBZ!"
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR DAD?!"
His eyes would widen as he turned towards Fiyoku's direction, everything feeling as if it were in slow motion for a moment as he took in what he was seeing.
Fiyoku was staring straight at him, hands balled into fists as she looked on with such a determined expression, mouth quivering a moment as tears fell before she leveled him with a proud smile; raising both hands to sign one simple phrase to him.
"Come back safe...I love you..."
He would gape at her in shock for only a moment before he'd return the smile, tilting his head to the side with such paternal fondness as he mouths:
"I will....love you too... our precious Sparkler..."
And just like that...as if given permission...with Alphys nervously counting down...amidst all the shouting and panic flowing around him...with the soul of his love almost completely flaked away next to him...all shaking in his body immediately vanished. And for the first time in his life...he felt no fear. No regret...no what-ifs...no second thoughts...
Instead, he saw a warm smile...felt the softness of a sky blue hoodie...heard the sound of his laugh...memorized the phantom pressure of a smaller hand in his...and smelled the scent of rain, cinnamon, and freshly fallen snow...
"...3...2..."
His Sans...his idiot.
His stupid, crazy, dorky, funny, fantastic, intelligent, adorable, infuriating, unbelievable, talented, brave, beautiful, chaotic and WONDERFUL idiot.
And thus...with a shaky inhale and his eyes screwed shut...he drove the needle into his chest just as it seemed like his soul was about to shatter completely; white magic and glowing elemental blood mixing and gathering around the newly made wound as the needle made contact with his soul just before Alphys could finish counting down.
His voice was so gone that the scream that followed was practically silent as the pain registered a second too late, the force of it so mind-numbingly powerful that it nearly made him collapse; his free arm barely breaking his fall as the other kept the needle firmly in place within his chest.
He looked up with bleary eyes, his lack of glasses making the image hard to make out, but still holding his focus all the same.
Sans' soul was shaking, particles of magic gathering around it as it seemed to process the new source of energy it was connected to; the bits of dust that were just beginning to float around Sans' body practically stopping in midair as if someone had clicked pause on reality.
His mind filtered out the sound around him as it merely focused on the soul monitor, waiting with bated breath for a change...ANY sort of change...
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Come on, come on, COME ON...!'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Please Sans...come back to us...come back to us PLEASE...!'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
"...Sans?" He scarcely breathed, wheezing slightly as he forced himself to reach for his hand, taking it gently in his own as he used the last of his strength to pull himself up next to the cot; leaning back against it as he squeezed Sans' hand as tightly as he could.
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
His thumb gently pressed into the back of Sans' hand, tracing a heart against the bony surface over and over as he pressed his forehead against Sans' sleeve.
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'I love you...I love you...I love you...'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Please...'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Please don't go...'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Don't leave me...please...'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Please...not like this...come back to me...'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
'Come back to me...'
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
"...please Sansy...please...come back to me..."
-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEp...beep....beeep....beeep...
All the weight that was holding him upright immediately left his body as he became boneless against the side of the cot, the breath he didn't realize he was still holding leaving him as he tiredly smiled in relief.
There he was. There was his idiot.
His blurry vision was beginning to darken as he felt his eyelids grow heavy...he could feel the sting of the needle deep within his chest as it felt like the glass pane that was his soul had just been blown clean through with a hammer...
The shouting that had surely been there a few moments ago was now blissful, palpable silence as nothing but the beeping of the soul monitor and the tapping against Alphys' keyboard filled his head...
There was magic and blood dripping onto the floor...his soul felt like it was being ripped apart...his mind was almost completely blank as white-hot agony traveled up and down his weightless body...any energy he had left was completely dissipating...
...and yet...he was smiling...
Some blood dripped down his chin as he took a few shallow breaths, laying his head against the softness of Sans' hoodie as he allowed the pain to circulate; using it to keep himself from going under completely as he heard the sound of his mother bringing medical supplies over to him, her concerned...scared...angry...but undeniably RELIEVED expression the last thing he sees as he feels his eyes slip shut.
It was alright now...
He was okay...he was still breathing...his soul was still beating...the soft pulse of life was felt deep within his chest as he allowed the rhythm of the soul monitor to lull him into peaceful meditation...the pain ebbing ever so slightly as he felt the familiar warmth of his mother's hands against his chest; her healing magic doing the work needed to take the edge off...
It still hurt...it hurt so fucking badly...like millions of knives stabbing into his chest...like every fiber of his being was being held together by no more than thin bits of thread...like all it would take is one misplaced breath and he'd become nothing more than a pile of dust...
...but it was okay...nothing more than an afterthought as he let himself slip deeper and deeper into the furthest reaches of his mind...the beautiful quiet that filled his head unlike anything he had ever experienced before as he shifted all his focus on his soul and ensuring that any and all of the HP that Sans needed wound up EXACTLY where it needed to be...
It was all okay now...he made it just in time...he was okay...it was all going to be okay now...
Despite everything...they were both still alive...
And he intended to keep it that way.
---
Sans knew what dying felt like.
He had felt it more times than most would ever realistically feel in one lifetime and had memorized the feeling so closely that it hardly mattered how it came to him, he could recognize it instantly as if it were second nature. While the experience would once render him petrified, and he couldn't deny the countless sleepless nights where the memory of it would get the better of him, he'd grown accustomed to it to such a point that he hardly let it phase him anymore. It's hard to maintain a consistent fear of something that you've grown to know so well.
Sans didn't exactly know what came AFTER death, however; at least not from firsthand experience. He could only imagine he'd end up in the void the way most souls were meant to, but the timeline typically restarted before he'd have a chance to awaken in ANY form of an afterlife whenever past genocide runs ran their course.
He could never be completely sure of what the void was actually like...and the brief glimpse he had gotten from his little experiment all those years ago was hardly an accurate view...
So this...THIS was new.
Instead of a black abyss greeting him like he was expecting, his eyes opened to see himself surrounded by a deep blue; silvery white stars blinking all around him as Sans turned around slowly, taking in the sight with nothing short of confusion.
This...wasn't at ALL what he was expecting.
How the hell had he gotten here? And where exactly WAS here anyway?
He certainly wasn't in the soul simulator anymore; Chara and Rune nowhere in sight. In fact...there wasn't ANYONE else around as far as he could tell; nothing but the blinking of stars and borderline deafening silence being all he could discern; not even a wisp of wind meeting his face or a discernible temperature that he could use to let him know where he was.
It wouldn't have been MUCH to go off of, to be fair, but he honestly would take anything at this point.
Despite the pain that was coursing through his body just a few moments ago, he suddenly found it to be nonexistent as he looked down; finding that the bloody gashes and broken ribs he had received before going unconscious were completely gone now.
He hadn't gotten healed, had he?
No...that couldn't be right...Chara wouldn't be able to do something like that...much less with an armed Rune only a few feet away last time he could recall.
And if they weren't anywhere to be seen...that could only mean...
No this...this couldn't be the Void, could it? He wasn't actually...
He hesitantly brought a hand up over his chest with a curious expression, eyes widening in horror at what he found.
No soul beat...
No...it...no...no it couldn't be...he KNEW he went unconscious but was he actually-?
He could feel every bone in his body practically vibrate in suspense as he made a pulling motion at his chest with his hand, trying to summon his soul into view; only to go wide eyed when no soul came out. He tried a few more times, watching with bated breath as he hoped, BEGGED for his soul to be made visible...
...but nothing came. There weren't even any stats that he could read as the reality of the situation made itself all too known.
There was no use trying to lie to himself or play dumb. He knew the truth.
He really was gone.
Given the circumstances he certainly wasn't surprised, and he honestly didn't know who he was fooling when he tried acting like there was even a hair of a chance of him still being alive. However, it didn't stop the undeniable grief from filling his chest as tears collected in his eyes; slipping down his cheeks as he allowed himself to slowly come down to sit on the ground below him, burying his face in his knees as his arms hugged around them; the weight of the situation feeling so heavy that it felt like his bones would shatter at any moment from the invisible force being exerted down on him.
He was gone...he was actually gone.
And what a way to go too...at the hands of a monstrous soul that had been praying for his downfall from the beginning...and just when he was starting to actually WANT to live too...when he had made a promise he actually thought he'd be able to keep for once in his sad life...just when there might have actually been a chance for this all to end without any more bloodshed...
All of that effort...all for nothing.
"As if you couldn't get more pathetic...." he muttered to himself quietly, voice trailing off as he felt himself break; shoulders shaking as his sobs echoed in the empty nothingness around him.
He really thought he could get through to him...
He thought he had finally found a way to get him to stand down...
He thought he was going to finally get to end this...and peacefully no less...
He thought it was finally going to be over...
He showed mercy...
He showed mercy that he still somehow had for the person that had taken so much from him...
But in the end, it was all for nothing. He was no Frisk...he couldn't convince a blackened soul to stand down the way they could...he couldn't appeal to the frightened kid that he KNEW was still there after so many years of anger had taken such a firm hold on his soul.
He really thought he stood a chance...he thought he could convince Rune that he wasn't alone...that he was understood...that there was still a chance for him to be better...all of the things that he himself had desperately wanted to hear for so long.
But it wasn't enough...
Despite his best efforts and everything he sacrificed to get to that point...he just wasn't enough...
He failed...
When it really mattered...he failed...
His grip tightened around himself as he tried so hard to keep his sobs back, only a long, pathetic whine managing to escape as he raised one hand to pull his hood over his head; curling up further into a tight ball as his failure began to settle over him like some cruel, weighted blanket; the force combined with the gravity of his own demise making it feel like he was fusing to the ground without any chance of getting back up again.
He had promised he'd make it back...he had given his word...
They weren't supposed to watch him die today...
And he tried...he tried so hard...so fucking hard...
...he really tried so hard to get back to them...
But now he was here...alone in the middle of nowhere with no other soul in sight...
No family...
No friends...
No Papyrus...
No Grillbz...
He was alone...thanks to his own shortcomings...he was completely and utterly alone...
"...I think it came from over here..."
Or...not?
"Are you sure Wing Ding? I didn't think souls could still end up in this part of the void..."
Wait...those voices...
"POSITIVE! That pulse was undeniable! There's someone else out here! I know it!"
He KNEW those voices...
"But what if it's one of them? We couldn't see them anymore after they hooked them up...and if we're dealing with who I THINK we're dealing with...y-you don't think he-?"
No...no it couldn't be...
"Serif, don't worry! This is our sons we're talking about! They've survived this long, haven't they? And in the worst circumstances no less! If this is who we think it is, he doesn't stand a chance! Aren't you the one always saying to try and stay positive? Let's not go assuming the worst just yet! I'm sure they're fi-"
"Wait! GASTER! OVER THERE! I think I see someone! They're right over-!"
The speaker immediately cut their sentence short as Sans looked up with wide eyes and glanced around quickly, his grip loosening on his knees as he became acutely aware of how not-alone he suddenly was.
It only took a few seconds for his sights to settle on the source of the disturbance...and what lay before him would've probably stopped his soul dead in its tracks if it was still somehow beating.
Right there...just a few feet away from him...were a pair of monsters he hadn't seen in years...one wearing a lab coat scorched with burn marks...and the other wearing a familiar blue hoodie...
The same hoodie that now covered his own form so perfectly.
They were looking right at him, the whites in their eyes completely pinpricked as they seemed to be just as shocked to see him as he was.
"S...Sansy?" the one with the hoodie gasped, the one in the lab coat unable to speak at all as he stared at Sans as if he were staring at a ghost; too stunned to even utter a word.
For a moment or two, it was completely silent; the air completely still before Sans was finally able to get his voice to work, nothing but complete and utter disbelief heard within it as all he could ask was:
"M-Mom? Dad?"
Once his voice filled the air, it's as if time suddenly picked back up again as the two monsters looked at the small skeleton before them and began running forward with a desperation that could only be rivaled by Sans' as he himself began to stumble to his feet to try and get to them.
"H-Holy shit, Sans?! SANSY IS THAT YOU?!"
"There's no way...there's no fucking way...SANS?!"
"Mom...dad...I...am I...are you actually...a-a-are you really...no, no it's not...I-I have to be hallucinating or some shit right? The-there's no way that you're actually-MMPH!"
Sans suddenly felt the air knocked out of him as Serif got to him first, wrapping her arms around him and lifting him up off the ground slightly as she pulled him into a tight hug; her face buried in his shoulder as she held him so tightly she might've snapped his spine in half if she wasn't careful.
"Oh my god it IS you...you're here...you're actually here...oh my baby...oh my sweet Sansy...god you...I mean I KNEW you did but...you've grown so much...who the fuck gave you permission?" she'd mutter quickly with a tearful laugh, setting him back on the ground but not letting go of him as she just held onto him; as if trying to cram all 24 years she spent not being able to hold him into one embrace.
Sans could feel weight being added on from behind as another pair of arms wrapped around the both of them, Gaster's head resting on top of his son's head as he held him and his wife as close to him as he could.
"Oh Sans...this is so soon...what on Earth happened to get you sent out here?" he'd whisper, the familiar feeling of his arms around Sans' shoulders causing the shorter skeleton to finally let go of whatever was still holding him together as he began to cry all over again; returning his mother's embrace and allowing himself to be held closer to his father's chest.
They were here...they were really here...
"I-I didn't...I-I didn't think I'd ever s-see you again..." he'd stutter, breath hitching harshly in his throat as Serif reached up and pulled his hood down his head; bringing her hand behind his head to hold him closer to her as he only found himself sobbing harder.
"I know honey...I know...neither did we...not for a long while yet..."
"I-I missed you...I missed you so much..." he wheezed, sniffing slightly as Serif lifted her head to look him in the eyes with tears of her own, a broken smile on her face.
"We missed you too sweetheart...both of you...more than words could ever say." she'd respond, putting a small smile on Sans' own face as he tried his best to wipe at his eyes with his hoodie sleeve.
Gaster took the opportunity to lead the three of them down to the ground, everyone soon seated comfortably as Sans looked between them with an expression that could only be described as a strange mix of relief and anxiousness.
"So all this time...you really WERE out here? Our theory was right?" he asked, causing Gaster to nod in response.
"Yep! Granted the Void is a lot less...void-y than we envisioned...but it's certainly here! I'm honestly surprised I wound up here to be honest...the Core doesn't exactly leave dust behind-" he'd mutter, cutting himself off immediately when he sees Sans look away slightly at those words with a tense expression.
"Y'know, not important. What's important is I AM here and I was able to find your mom...and then we both found you. Sure it's sooner than we'd like but...we're glad you're okay...well...as okay as one CAN be, given the circumstances..."
That would cause Sans to look up quickly at those words, guilt coming to his face at the implications as he noticed his parents suddenly look tense themselves.
"I...I know that it was possible to get a glimpse into the void from over there but...am I inclined to believe that you guys could see us from over here? Because if so I...I um...I know how it must've looked..." he'd say softly.
Gaster sighed slightly, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"We...couldn't see everything...but...we saw a fair bit of it yeah..." he'd confirm, voice filled with grief as he looked down at his son.
Sans' eyes would widen at that response before he looked down with a wet sigh.
"I...was afraid of that..." he admitted, wiping at his face again when he felt tears forming again.
"We weren't ALWAYS able to see much, but we tried to keep tabs on you both whenever we could...and admittedly...once you got hooked up to the machine, we couldn't see either of you anymore." Serif added, causing Sans to look up with a surprised look.
"You...couldn't see what happened in there?" he asked, earning shakes of the head from both his parents.
"Nothing at all...so whenever we sensed another soul come here...I was REALLY hoping that it wouldn't be one of you...but...it was a possibility from the start, given the circumstances."
Sans shook his head at those words.
"No...no it was never gonna be him...I made sure of it."
Serif shook her head slightly at that.
"I know you did Sansy...and don't think we're not happy about that. But the fact that EITHER of you ended up here so soon...the fact that had to even be a POSSIBILITY when neither of us could do anything to prevent it...that's not a fate I would wish on EITHER of you! Especially given who you were facing..." she'd argue slightly, Sans unable to dismiss her words as he gave a heavy sigh.
"Yeah...I get it...though to be frank, things didn't go EXACTLY according to plan...circumstances...changed while I was in there...circumstances that if I hadn't gotten Papyrus out when I did...could've likely resulted in two deaths instead of just one." Sans admitted, causing Gaster to look over with an unreadable expression.
"So I'm guessing our assumption was correct. You...you found him didn't you..." Gaster would chime in, causing Sans to look up towards him with wide eyes.
"You...you mean Rune?" he'd ask, looking shocked as Gaster nodded.
"You both...KNEW he was involved in this?"
Serif would inhale sharply at those words before slowly exhaling, her hands moving down to hold his own as she looked up to face him.
"Not until after we wound up here, unfortunately...though I had a suspicion from the moment I arrived that he wasn't really gone. Human souls are stubborn. You both know that just as well as I do. They could be dead for years and not ever come into the void if they felt they had unfinished business to settle first; a luxury that not even Boss Monsters are able to have. When he never wound up here...it became pretty obvious he was still out there..." she'd admit, glancing away slightly with a look of shame.
"And knowing how things in our fight ended...I knew he couldn't be up to anything good. I kept an eye on him for so long...trying to figure out what was keeping him in your plane of existence for so long...and when I realized what he intended to do...with THEM of all people...I tried so hard to find a way out of here...even for a moment. I wanted so badly to let you know what was happening...who he managed to get his hands on. I didn't...I didn't want him to come near any of you...especially not YOU again. Not after what happened last time. But...obviously...I never found it."
She would nod towards Gaster as she finished that statement, Gaster sighing slightly as he looked down at them both, both hands curling over where Serif's intertwined with Sans' as he directed his son's attention to him.
"You predicted the possibility of corruption from the moment you managed to get a look at Chara's soul and I made the mistake of not heeding to that warning." he'd say, taking a moment to adjust his glasses as he shut his eyes with a saddened look.
"I was so overconfident that they'd be okay under the care of the Dreemurrs. I didn't even stop to THINK of the possibility that another soul could overpower them the way he did. Given the state of their soul when they arrived...it was a threat I REALLY should've at least considered before...everything happened. So much could've been prevented if I had just listened..."
Sans would shake his head quickly, pulling his hands away from his parents' as he wiped at his face.
"It wasn't your fault..." he'd say softly, staring at the ground pointedly to avoid eye contact with the skeletons before him.
"The change was so gradual and we never got a read on their stats before you fell...you couldn't have known..." he added, eyes widening slightly when Serif tilted his face back towards hers; a concerned expression on her face.
"It wasn't YOUR fault either honey...you KNOW that, right?"
Sans would stare at her a moment before looking away, compelling Gaster to circle around to face him as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders gently.
"Oh kiddo..." he'd sigh, rubbing his shoulder softly as he and Serif both allowed Sans to speak once more.
"I...I couldn't see it. I couldn't see how much he was destroying them. For so long I thought that they were actively CHOOSING to do everything they did! That despite how much better their soul seemed to be doing, for no real reason they were just CHOOSING to cause harm anyway! I-I couldn't see it! I didn't know! Asriel WARNED ME something might be wrong and I didn't listen! I couldn't see what he was seeing and wound up just HURTING them over and over again over shit they didn't even do! I hurt them SO fucking badly SO many times because I couldn't see that a whole other SOUL was occupying their body! A soul that had gotten so corrupted that it dragged them down with him! A scared child was suffering for god KNOWS how long and I couldn't even SEE it!" he ranted, the sudden outburst causing Gaster's grip to still on Sans' shoulder in surprise.
"Sans, that ISN'T your fault! You were in the same boat as I was! We worked directly with the Dreemurrs for YEARS! We would be the first to KNOW if something was up! If I was unable to catch it, there's no way YOU could've! We were working with the information we had, and the chances of a possession case was so out of the question at the time we wouldn't have thought to check stats back then! We were ill-prepared, but with such a unique situation, how could we NOT be? You can't blame yourself for that!" he'd respond, Serif nodding in agreement.
"Your father is RIGHT, Sansy. I know that with everything that ended up going down, it's so easy to think of the what-ifs. Believe me, I of all people would understand that. It's that line of thinking that's messed me up so many times with past judgment encounters I've initiated. But please...you can't keep being so hard on yourself. There's really no need. It's like you said! The change was gradual and by the time it got to the point of no return, it was too late. It was out of your hands! Expecting yourself to be on top of it so perfectly when you didn't even know that THAT kind of threat was even there is just unfair to you! There was no way you could've prevented it with the knowledge you had to work with!" she added.
"Except I COULD'VE!" Sans would reply, looking at them with a devastated expression as one hand clutched at his skull in distress.
"Even if I missed my chance to prevent it at FIRST, I had SO many chances to make it right when it kept going! You weren't THERE mom! You have no IDEA how many times I've had to be in close contact with them. How many times I had to initiate an encounter against them in that judgment hall! I had COUNTLESS opportunities to get the information I needed! So MANY opportunities to make things right! Of ALL the people in the damn Underground I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THAT SOMETHING LIKE THIS WAS GOING ON! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY JOB! IT WAS LITERALLY MY FUCKING JOB AND I NEVER ONCE TRIED TO CHECK THEIR STATS!" he'd continue, dropping his face in one hand as his other hand buried itself deep in one of his hoodie's pockets.
"I had info given DIRECTLY to me by a key witness that something might be wrong, had YEARS of evidence to back it up, and in the end I only thought to check their stats when he already had a new host under his belt! I could've saved them so much pain if I had JUST checked their stats SOONER! I could've ENDED this so much sooner if I JUST did BETTER at the ONE FUCKING JOB I WAS SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY BE GOOD AT!"
Serif and Gaster would stare in shock for a moment at that statement, looking at each other before Serif reached over and cupped her hand around Sans' face in concern.
"Sansy..." she'd say quietly, compelling him to look back up at them both with a tearful gaze.
"I learned firsthand what souls like that could do and it was TERRIFYING! Even NOW I can't even look at a kitchen knife without wanting to just end it all right then and there. Just the sound of his VOICE put me in such a state I couldn't even MOVE; leaving PAPYRUS to fend for himself against the guy I was supposed to be RESCUING him from! The shit he did...the shit that souls like him are CAPABLE of doing...I didn't want anyone to have to learn the hard way how badly those kinds of encounters can fuck you up. I NEVER wanted another kid to EVER have to experience what I did! After what happened to you both, I wanted to be able to do BETTER! I poured everything I HAD into figuring out how souls worked so I could understand how to better defend against corrupted ones that passed through! I wanted to be able to know how blackened souls worked and be able to defend against them without risking more lives in the process! But even with all my best efforts it all amounted to NOTHING! Because no matter how vigilant I thought I was, no matter how much about souls I thought I knew, a corrupted soul managed to stay under the radar for YEARS and innocent souls DIED because I wasn't able to detect it! I was sworn to ensure that no harm came to the uncorrupted when I became a Judge and I wound up doing the OPPOSITE of that! I tried SO HARD to do better! SO HARD to make sure that what you both went through would never happen again! I thought that I could do what you did! I thought that I could save lives! I thought I could make you proud!" he'd admit, looking away as he closed his eyes in shame.
"But all I did was fuck up so badly that I put everyone I love in danger and destroy myself completely while doing it. Papyrus ended up involved in this when it never should've even been something he had to worry about to begin with. I was supposed to protect him! I was supposed to keep him safe...but I failed. I failed so horribly and I..." he'd continue, breath catching in his breath a moment as his voice cracked slightly with what he had to say next.
"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that I couldn't do more. I thought I could...give him a better life for you...I thought I could get your son through all this in one piece and give him the kind of life I KNEW you could've given him if you were still there but...but I couldn't do it. I just broke him beyond repair. I'm...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I tried so hard but I...I failed you-"
"That'll be ENOUGH of that from you!" Serif interrupted, both hands cupping his face as she directed his attention to her once more, a serious expression on her face as she forced him to look her in the eye as she continued.
"You are NOT going to keep sitting here villainizing yourself when everything you just said is bullshit!" she exclaimed bluntly, putting a shocked look on Sans' face.
"B-But-"
"NOPE! Not hearing it! You've said your piece! Now it's our turn!" she interrupted again, glancing over only slightly to acknowledge her husband as he circled around once more to sit beside her, reaching down to take his son's hands in his own once more as Serif continued.
"You've spent so many years raising your standards for yourself so unbelievably high to the point it started breaking you and I for one am NOT going to tolerate that when I finally don't have to just sit back and watch it happen anymore!"
Sans flinched slightly at her tone, but relaxed instantly when Serif slipped her hands down to his shoulders and looked on with a sorrowful look.
"Sansy...honey...I don't know WHERE you got the idea that we would EVER think you were a FAILURE for going through what you did! You lost me so young and had to practically become a parent out of nowhere while still dealing with your own shit...that is NOT something you should blame yourself for! That isn't something you should EVER blame yourself for!" Serif would continue, Gaster nodding as he picked up the conversation again.
"And to top it all off you were thrust into all of THIS...having to deal with something as impossible as TIMELINES resetting and facing death so many times over so many years without any way of stopping it...and virtually ALONE no less! With all of that at play, the fact that you were able to make it through with only two real attempts at your own life under your belt is an honest to god miracle."
Sans' form would stiffen at those words, tears forming once more in his eyes when he saw his father near tears as well; looking the most broken he had ever seen his father be before.
"Yeah...we know...and please don't think for one SECOND that we'd EVER shame you or be angry at you for that. When we said we could see a lot of what was going on with you both, we meant it. Through the best and the worst, we were always there watching you and praying to whatever god would listen that you would both make it through okay. We saw how much everything was destroying you both...the kind of pain you've had to face since my death. I...was so SCARED for you. We were BOTH so SCARED for you! Never knowing when you would take a breath and it would be your last. Never knowing when you'd wind up here either by your own hand or by someone else's. Seeing you become so acquainted with death and just smiling through like nothing was going on. Watching you push through every single struggle you faced to take care of your brother when he was beginning to spiral himself...to take care of those kids when they really needed you...to be there for SO many people and having to be STUCK HERE unable to do ANYTHING but watch! Having to just watch life break you in so many ways and not even be able to even TRY and tell you that it'll be okay...that it wasn't your fault. Having to just watch you be torn apart from the inside out and not be able to do anything about it...it hurt in a way that can never be properly described." Gaster confessed, wiping at his face slightly when Serif would lean into his side, providing a comforting weight for her husband before turning back towards their son.
"Sweetheart, you NEVER had anything you needed to prove...much less to us. You put so much of yourself into trying to redeem yourself for what happened when there was no need for redemption to begin with. What happened to us wasn't your fault. It was NEVER your fault! And I KNOW you know that! I know that after telling yourself the opposite for so long it'll be awhile before you can truly accept it...but I'm telling you. Right here and now for ABSOLUTE certainty..." she'd start, leaning forward to make unbreaking eye contact with Sans before continuing with the most serious tone of voice she could muster.
"You are NOT responsible for ANY of Rune's actions. You were NEVER responsible and never WILL be responsible! We never ONCE blamed you for what happened and never ONCE wanted you to feel like you had to suffer just to somehow 'earn' the right to live."
Sans' eyes would go wide at her words, breath catching in his throat and fresh tears forming as Gaster quickly chimed in.
"And as for what happened to Chara and Frisk in those killing timelines...that isn't something you should beat yourself up over either."
Sans would look incredulously at him a moment at the idea.
"I was killing literal CHILDREN who did NOTHING to deserve it! I can't just act like that's okay-!" he'd protest, Serif raising a hand to silence him as she interjects.
"You're right. It WASN'T okay. But at the time you didn't KNOW that! All you knew was that a dangerous human had come in and was killing the people you loved and was resetting the timeline to do it over and over again for what appeared to be just for kicks. You were the last thing that stood between them and Asgore and you had a job to do. You had PEOPLE to protect! You were so scared and angry and grieving...I won't deny that you might've lost yourself for a bit when it was happening...but how could either of us blame you for that? Having to witness your brother die over and over again...witnessing friends and people you've grown to love have to be subjected to such torment with only you truly knowing what was happening...that would be enough to drive ANY person over the edge...much less having to experience it over and over again without any real way of knowing why. You didn't have all the answers, so you worked with the information you DID have. You fought and fought valiantly to protect others, just as you swore to do when you became a judge. You did what you were SUPPOSED to do and no amount of self-blame or what-ifs is ever going to change that. You did what you NEEDED to do to protect people you loved and that is something you should NEVER feel guilty or ashamed of."
"But...but I..."
Gaster would level Sans with a steady look as he raises a hand to give Sans' upper arm a comforting squeeze when it looked like Sans was struggling to process what his mom was saying for a moment.
"Kiddo...just because you're able to remember doesn't mean you have to be held to any higher standard than anyone else going through those resets. You don't OWE anyone ANYTHING! You're just one person and you were never going to be perfect. You were NEVER going to do everything right 100% of the time and that's OKAY! That isn't a reason to villainize yourself and believe you deserve nothing but pain. You're NOT a bad person Sans! The fact that you regret so much and hold yourself to such a high standard is PROOF of that! A bad person wouldn't have the self reflection to understand they got something wrong and try to do better. A bad person wouldn't burden themselves with so much just to ensure nobody else has to suffer with them. A bad person wouldn't do NEARLY as much as you've done in order to do right by those you feel you've hurt. Even when it DID become too much...even when you DID want to give into your own grief and just...disappear...it was never because you WANTED to leave everyone behind...it was never because you were trying to be selfish...it was because you were tired of feeling like you were letting everyone down and genuinely thought that if you left, the lives of the people you love would become better. You WANTED the people you loved to be HAPPY with or without you! And even through ALL THAT, you STILL managed to pull yourself together after every temptation to BE THERE for them when they needed you most! Even when it would've been easier to give in, even when it hurt, you kept going because you LOVED them! That doesn't sound like a bad person to me."
Serif would nod in agreement before taking over again.
"I know that it'll take awhile for you to believe that...don't think we don't know how much of a struggle it had been for you to even admit to anyone that you needed help because you felt like you didn't deserve it. That you didn't deserve to be cared about or worried about. With all the forces at play and so much outside of your control, blaming yourself was the only way for there to feel like ANY of it could be made better. It was the only way to take control back because at least THEN it wouldn't feel like everything that happened would go unpunished. We understand that honey. We KNOW why you put so much onto yourself. We KNOW how much it hurt. We KNOW that when push came to shove, it was all you really had. The pain and the hope for justice to be served was the only thing you had to hang onto when everything became too much because it was the only thing you were able to control even a little bit. We aren't saying that you weren't justified to feel that way. We aren't saying that you did ANYTHING wrong. What we ARE saying is that you never DESERVED it. You never deserved to feel like dying would be the only way to ensure your loved ones got to be happy. You never deserved to feel like you had to suffer just to earn the right to live a happy life yourself. You never deserved to feel like you were burdening others just by existing. You never did ANYTHING to deserve all the pain you've had to endure. You never had to prove yourself to ANYONE. And most importantly..."
Sans would feel his mouth shake slightly as he felt his gaze shift to his mother's once more, her hand on his cheek as she looked on with such a broken but undeniably loving gaze; the words she spoke next piercing through his mind and hitting deep where his soul would be.
"You never had to reach that impossible standard...never had to take the blame for factors beyond your control...never had to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders...never had to sacrifice your own life for anyone else's...never had to take on so much responsibility...never had to stretch yourself so thin...never had to be the perfect brother OR parent... never had to walk the same paths we did...never had to take on such burdening expectations you placed on yourself to have all the answers and correct decades worth of pain alone...to earn our love or to make us proud of you. We've ALWAYS been proud of you, Sansy. No matter what you chose to do, no matter what mistakes you've made, no matter how you decided to live your life...whether you spent it fixing the horrors of the past out of a desire to help or spent it just moving on and healing so you could focus on moving forward and being happy...we would STILL be proud of you. We would STILL love you! That is something you NEVER had to earn and something that you NEVER lost through all the years we've been apart. You never had to avenge our deaths in order for that to be true. All you needed to do in order for us to be proud of you was to do what you've always done. Live your life...love your brother...and see the best in people. And you've DONE that! Even when it was SO hard you DID that! You BOTH did that! And words cannot express how beyond proud we are to know that our sons grew up to be some of the strongest and kindest souls that anyone could ever hope to meet."
And as if those words couldn't hit any deeper in his core...as if the foreign emotion flaring in his chest couldn't get any more raw or overwhelming...Sans felt whatever was left of his self control completely shatter the moment Gaster cut in by looking into his eye with that same smile that he had before he fell and said:
"And you never had to do anything special for that to be true. Because despite everything, you were still you...and that alone was more than enough. You get that, buddy? YOU were enough. You were ALWAYS more than enough."
He...was enough...
He had always been...enough...
It was such a small expectation to meet...so miniscule in the grand scheme of things...
But if that was all he had to do...
If all he had to do in order to do right by others...to do right by them...to do right by everyone he's ever cared about or loved was to simply...exist?
Sans didn't know when he wound up in his parents' arms again; sandwiched between them and caged in their embrace so tightly it was like they never wanted to let go. But he likely wouldn't have cared enough to even acknowledge it as all he could do was sob...
And for the first time in what felt like forever, Sans wasn't doing so because living had grown too painful to bear...not because of pain, or grief, or self loathing, or anger.
No...he was bawling his eyes out because for the first time in his life he was finally told that his existence was more than enough to be worthy and deserving of living...and he BELIEVED it.
For the first time in all his years...he actually BELIEVED it!
That cage he had trapped himself in...that cage he had built around himself so he could never forget all the ways he hated himself and all the mistakes he had made...that cage he had locked himself into in order to not burden others with how broken he had become...that cage that he had created purely so that no matter how much time passed he could never forgive himself for all that he had done...
That cage he had locked himself into for the sole purpose of punishing himself for just existing...
...it had finally been unlocked...
...and Sans had never felt more free.
---
He could never know how long they stayed like that, but when Sans felt his breath finally come easier to him, when he could finally feel his pained but undeniably RELIEVED cries peter out into deep, slow breaths with the occasional sniffle, he looked up to see the faces of his parents looking at him with such obvious pride and joy that he was genuinely shocked that for even a moment he ever considered the idea that they thought he had actually failed them.
It all felt so real...so unmistakably real...there was nothing left in his mind in that moment that could convince him otherwise.
He wiped at his face slightly with an embarrassed half chuckle, sniffing slightly before speaking in a hoarse, cried-out voice.
"Guess all the shit people say about crying being therapeutic had some truth to it...hehehehe..." he'd joke, Serif snickering slightly in response as Gaster simply grinned and hugged his son into his side with one arm.
"I just...thank you. I know that you were just speaking the truth and that you'd probably think I have nothing to thank you for but...still. I don't think...I ever realized how badly I needed to hear that and have it...actually be true."
Serif would smile as she reaches over to stroke his cheek.
"You're stubborn to a fault...that's most certainly a family trait. The amount of times that your dad and I fucked up and beat ourselves over the heads with hatred over it is in the thousands. Because that's what people do. They fuck up. And honestly, that's okay. It took us a long time to learn that. Sometimes the most important things we have to learn have to be learned the hard way. But at least in the end, even if it hurt to get there, you still learned. And I'm just glad that after years of watching you and genuinely fearing what would become of you due to your own grief...we finally got to tell you that. Even if it means that you're just as dead as we are in order to have been able to hear it." she admitted, Sans scoffing slightly in amusement before looking down with a look that looked less sad than before and more...disappointed.
"It's funny...I knew from the start of all this that it was likely I'd end up here in the end...but I never really stopped to think about all the shit I never got to do before I did. I was so focused on what I considered to be top priority...it never even occurred to me that there would be...so much I would regret never getting to live by the time I actually died. I had died so many times and never made it to the afterlife. It always got reset before I could. So now that I'm here...I just...can't help but be at least a LITTLE mad at myself. Knowing there was a whole life I could've been living that I spent just wallowing in my own shit because I felt like I didn't DESERVE that life to begin with. I was such an idiot...I wasted so much time..."
"I mean...for what it's worth." Gaster started, bumping his shoulder against his son's slightly to get his attention.
"Even if you experienced a lot of pain...the life you ended up living still wound up being pretty great. There was a lot of hurt...and a lot of grief...but you surrounded yourself with a lot of REALLY great people. People that even with how badly you felt about yourself...we KNEW you cherished and enjoyed every second you got to spend with them...even if you didn't always get to express it."
Sans would feel himself softly smile at those words, the mental image that came to mind at that description coming to him unbidden; and the loving fondness that comes to his face as a result is enough to catch his parents' attention and instantly clue them in on who he was thinking of.
"He's a good man. I knew that from the moment I got to meet him." Gaster would confess, Sans' eyes widening slightly as he's snapped back to reality for a second.
"Wh-Who?" he'd barely stutter, looking embarrassed as Serif would simply chuckle.
"C'mon now Sansy...even if we haven't seen you for years, we've been watching for a long while. You KNOW who we're talking about."
Sans would flush blue for only a moment with a flustered look before he simply rolls his eyes and allows his smile to return, though this one looked a bit sadder than the fond one he was wearing before.
"Yeah...I know. I miss all of them...so much...and there are so many regrets I'll always carry with me over so much I never got to tell them or experience with them. But he...I never...there's a lot I never got to say to him. And it just...hurts that I'll never get to. At least with Papy...even if it wasn't EVERYTHING...I was able to express so much that I've always wanted to express to him before he disconnected from the simulator. Even if it wasn't a proper goodbye, he still got to see me before I left. Grillbz...I promised him I'd come back...I gave him my word...and now even if I WANTED to...I can never really...I'll never get to see him again...and there's nothing I can do to change that."
Serif would give a sympathetic smile as she pulls her son into a hug, Sans accepting it gratefully as he simply gives an accepting sigh.
"I wish I could have met him...seeing how happy he made you...I know I would've liked him so much." she'd whisper, Sans nodding into her shoulder in response.
"You would've loved him mom...he was..." Sans would start, eyes closing as all he could think about was...him.
The way his smile would get so big and his eyes would light up everytime Sans stepped into the room...like any free thought he had was now being dedicated to him and him alone as soon as he arrived...
The sound of his laugh...his REAL laugh...the one that caused him to snort like a kitten and wheeze so aggressively that Sans did everything in his power to hear that sound every chance he got...
The soft but firm feeling of his arms around him...pulling him close to his chest in a way that made Sans feel so small compared to him but so undeniably safe...like nothing could ever hurt him as long as he stayed in his arms...
The sweet, beautiful sound of his voice when he spoke...when he sang...when he whispered to him softly in the early hours of morning whenever he had a nightmare...a voice that he wishes he could have recorded right into the depths of his soul just so he could listen to it on loop whenever he wanted to...
The way his swoopy hair would change color and give away whatever he was feeling so easily...turning him into a living work of art no matter what emotion was being expressed...
The way his freckles stood out so clearly on his face when he blushed...sparkling like glitter and tempting Sans to just reach out and touch them every time he saw them...memorizing every single one as if they were a constellation in the sky...
The way he looked so lovingly at Fiyoku...like he would move heaven and earth for her if it meant seeing her happy...the way he looked at HIM as if he would do the same for Sans...
The few moments where he would get so angry and so passionate over things he cared about...a side of him that could almost be scary, but was so raw and real that Sans couldn't help but adore it all the more...
The smell of his cooking...his soft hands over his brittle bones whenever he was healing him...the way he was always so worried about him...his cute glasses...how he always dressed like he had somewhere important to be but how ADORABLE he looked whenever he let himself let loose a bit...how strong and powerful he was even when he never showed it...the comforting warmth that surrounded him as they snuggled up on the couch and binge-watched shitty TV at 2 in the morning...the way he always knew what Sans needed to hear without ever having to ask...the way that no matter how far Sans fell away, he was always there to catch him and bring him back...
The smell of campfires and french fries that clung to his clothes and made Sans feel like he was home whenever they hugged.
His Grillbz. His fellow link in a chain. The one person in the entire world that Sans felt knew him better than he knew himself. A guy that looked at the mess that Sans was and still found good in it. Grillbz...he was just...
"...everything. Grillbz was...everything." he'd finish, tightening his hug around his mom as he finally speaks up, causing a soft smile to come to Serif's face at how much truth was in his voice...how much love there was.
She had felt it herself whenever she had met Gaster...and it was the most wonderful feeling she could ever hope to experience. To know that her son got to experience that too before he died...even for a little while...
It made her so beyond happy.
"I know...and words can't express how glad I am that you found him. He was there with you through so much...if I had the chance to thank him in person, I would. A thousand times over."
"We both would." Gaster agreed, wrapping his arms around both of them.
"We know how much he meant to you..."
Sans would feel so much comfort and warmth around him, the bittersweetness of his statement couldn't hide even if he wanted it to; the whites in his eyes shaking with emotion, but no tears were left to shed as he could only state the obvious in a broken but happy tone.
"I loved him...I loved him so fucking much..."
And Sans knew, deep down, that if there was any way for him to rise from the dead, any chance he had to finally get to look Grillbz in the eye and tell him that...he would take it in a heartbeat.
But now that he couldn't, he could only mentally kick himself for staying quiet for so long. For never letting Grillbz know how much he really meant to him even after there would've been no turning back.
Being dead certainly put things in perspective...really made you realize how important stuff like this really was...
How there was so much more he wanted to do...
How he hadn't wanted to go yet...
How there were so much left to experience...so much left to say...
But now all he could do was watch. Watch alongside his parents as his loved ones lived on without him there...the very thing he had wanted for so many years...
Only this time it hurt way worse.
His parents were right...it was so soon...he had gotten here so soon and now that he was here...now that he had seen them again...
...he realized how not-ready to die he really was.
Seeing Serif and Gaster again was all he could ever hope for when arriving in the Void, but even he could tell that they weren't ready to see him either.
They didn't want him to be here yet.
They wanted him to live.
And for the first time in so long...he wanted to live too.
He wasn't ready to leave it all behind...he wasn't ready to die...
He wanted to go back...he wanted to go back so badly...
He wanted to tell them all how much he loved them...wanted to show them how much better they had made his life just by being there...
He wanted to see Papyrus find something he loved to do and excel in it like he always knew he would...
He wanted to see Fiyoku graduate high school...he wanted to be there to pull his little Sparkler in his arms and let her know how proud he was of her...
He wanted to see Frisk and Toriel keep on bonding...he wanted to see them so happy in the family they managed to find in each other...
He wanted to see Alphys and Undyne get married...
He wanted to see Flowey get better and move forward as his own person...
He wanted to meet Latte's siblings...
He wanted to make up for lost time with Latte herself...
He wanted to go to Grillby's and see his favorite person again...
He wanted to feel the rain on his face...
He wanted to have just one more movie night...
He wanted to savor and enjoy food like he'd never get to eat it again...
He wanted to get better...
He wanted to heal...
He wanted to teach...
He wanted to keep being there for people...
He wanted to tell jokes even when they were terrible...
He wanted to laugh so hard until he cried...
He wanted to tell Grillbz that he loved him...
...he wanted to see the stars again...
He wanted to live...he wanted to live he wanted to live he wanted to live he wanted-
"Um...Wing Ding? Is that normal?"
The sound of his mother's words cut through his racing thoughts as he snapped back to reality, confusion on his face as he attempted to process what she was talking about.
"What? What do you-?" Sans would start, only for his eyes to widen when he sees a soft blue glow taking up the edges of his vision...
...and felt the familiar beating of his soul in his chest...
Gaster's face suddenly filled his vision as his father looked him over, seeing the faint outline of the soul that Sans CERTAINLY didn't have a few moments ago and staring with a bewildered look.
"But that's...that's impossible...his soul should've shattered after he lost all his HP. It's how he winds up here to begin with. There's no way for him to just have it again out of nowhere! Even IF resurrection was possible, 1 HP certainly wouldn't be strong enough to bring it back together completely...the only way that would be possible is if-"
Gaster's rambling was interrupted when Sans suddenly let out a strangled gasp as he fell forward slightly, hand brought up to his chest in alarm as it felt like a thousand volts of electricity erupted in his soul; eyes wide in shocked, borderline panic as the foreign feeling only grew more and more powerful...
Like a wildfire erupting and spreading through every fiber of his being.
The familiar, dull ache that he had grown to associate with his soul felt like it was being drowned out completely; replaced with a white hot burn that felt like lava was being poured straight into his bloodstream.
Only it didn't hurt...quite the opposite actually.
If anything, Sans felt the most coherent and energized that he's ever felt.
There was no pain...there was no sense of weakness...no feeling of dread hanging over his head as if even the smallest sneeze in his direction would be enough to kill him...
It was like strength that had long since been dormant within his body had finally reawakened...and the feeling was only getting stronger by the second.
Serif waved a hand over his soul to bring up his stats, eyes wide at what she sees.
"This...this isn't...I didn't even think that would be possible...you had been at 1 HP for so long because of your condition but...15...30...60...120...240..."
As the number grew larger and larger, Sans could only marvel at the feeling he was experiencing. The feeling of control. Of being awake. The feeling of not being on the cusp of death. A feeling he had long since forgotten as the number grew bigger and bigger, Serif only stopping her count when she reached 1,000.
1,000 HP.
That was more HP than Sans had even before his deficiency had taken hold.
And his soul...it felt the most alive it has felt in years.
He had never felt so...alive.
He was...alive.
"I don't know how it happened but...it looks like they found a way to bring you back from the other side...and with how much HP they got...it won't be long before-" Gaster would start, only to be interrupted when Sans' soul would rise from his chest and float behind him; spinning a few times before it grew and formed into what looked like a swirling vortex of blue and white light.
An exit.
Sans looked between the door and his parents with a look of pure uncertainty.
"Wait I...I can go back? That's possible?"
Gaster would give a mild shrug.
"I don't know. I figured it would be possible, but I never got to see if it were true for myself."
Sans would look between them and back at the door, as if pondering what he should do.
"But...but I just got to see you again...I don't...I don't know when I'll be back..." he admitted, looking up at them with a slightly sad look.
"Is this...is this really okay?"
Serif wouldn't hesitate to lean forward and hug her son close to her, standing up with him as she held him close in her embrace.
"You'll come back when you're good and ready. When you've lived your life long and well and you finally join the Void because of old age or some shit...not because someone else made that decision for you."
Gaster would put an arm around Sans as the hug broke, looking him in the eye with a determined look.
"You don't have to stay here, kiddo. We've lived our lives and have been gone a long time. We're not going anywhere. But YOU have a chance to go back. YOU have a chance to finally get to live for yourself without guilt or regret. We'll see you again when it's ACTUALLY time for you to be here....and we'll be there waiting with open arms and nothing but pride after seeing the amazing life you finally got to have."
"But I...I..." Sans would start, only for his eyes to widen when Serif takes his hands in hers and levels him with a smile, Gaster circling around to join her as his hand never leaves Sans' shoulder.
"See some more stars for us Sans...okay?"
Sans could only stare for a moment before he'd give a tearful grin and hug them both, squeezing as much unspoken love as he could muster into that one embrace as if to cram years worth of goodbyes into one.
"I love you guys..." he'd mutter, feeling Serif kiss his forehead as Gaster presses his cheek against the top of Sans' skull.
"We love you too, Sansy."
"And we always will."
Sans would look up at them one final time with a determined expression on his face before turning around and walking towards the exit, his pace soon quickening to a sprint as he feels nothing but light engulf him as he leaves the starry landscape of the Void behind; his parents waving being the last thing he sees as the exit closes behind him and all that fills his vision is pure white.
He was going back...
...he was really going back.
---
Author's Note: AAAAAAND IT'S DONE!!!!!!! I love this chapter so fucking much and I'm so glad you all finally get to read it!
Sans finally got to hear how much he's worth from two people he REALLY needed to hear it from...the two people he had thrown so much of his life into avenging when all they ever wanted to do was live.
And now thanks to Grillbz...he'll finally get to do that.
Let's see Rune try to take a stab at him, NOW huh? ^^
I don't know when the next chapter will come out, but I'll begin working on it soon. Will keep y'all posted on my progress! Hope you enjoy and I'll see you next time!
Later peeps!
- Author~Kun
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