On Jonas's request, Azure had agreed to play one more game with Arsenal before heading to rehab, the coach considering Azure would be a key element for the game against Manchester City.
The rest of the squad had yet to be informed of Azure's decision to step aside from football temporarily.
Not that the tattooed woman cared about the other girls' possible reaction. Except perhaps Kim's. And Laura's. And Lotte's. And Be- maybe she did care a little.
As Azure stepped onto the pitch for the final game before heading to rehab, a mix of emotions swirled within her. The familiar scent of freshly cut grass and the sound of cheering fans filled the air, but beneath the surface, there was an underlying tension as she grappled with the weight of her decision.
She knew that this game would be her last for a while, perhaps even longer than she dared to admit.
She took a look around at her teammates warming up, her eyes locking with Katie's for a second.
Taking a deep breath, Azure focused her mind and centered her thoughts, channeling her energy into the game ahead. She knew that despite her personal struggles, she had a job to do on the field, a responsibility to her teammates and her coach that she couldn't afford to neglect.
"You alright?" Azure heard a voice beside her, and she turned to see Kim, concern etched on her features.
"Yeah, why?" Azure asked, trying her best to appear confident in front of her captain.
Kim studied Azure for a moment, her gaze searching and intense. "You sure?" she asked, her tone gentle yet probing. "You seem... off."
Azure hesitated for a moment, torn between wanting to confide in Kim and keeping her struggles to herself. But something in Kim's eyes told her that she could trust her, that she didn't have to bear the weight of her burdens alone.
"I'm going to rehab after this," Azure admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I... I have a problem, Kim. With alcohol. And I need help."
Kim's eyes widened in surprise at Azure's confession, a mixture of shock and concern flickering across her features. But before she could respond, Jonas called everyone back to the locker room.
"We'll talk after," Kim said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument as she placed a comforting hand on Azure's shoulder before following the rest of the team off the pitch.
Azure didn't react to Kim's sudden touch, probably too deep in her mind to care.
In the locker room, Jonas's pre-match speech went completely over Azure's head. She stole glances at her teammates, noting the familiar expressions of determination and focus etched on their faces. Once again, Katie's gaze crossed hers, but no words were exchanged.
Katie did offer Azure a small, discreet smirk. It was as if the Irish woman knew how Azure's game was going to unfold, her confidence in Azure unwavering despite the turmoil within. And as the game began, Azure found herself swept up in the rhythm of the match, the adrenaline pumping through her veins as she focused on the task at hand.
The only issue was; Alex Greenwood.
As the minutes ticked by, frustration began to gnaw at Azure's nerves, her every move countered by Greenwood's tenacity. Despite her best efforts, Azure found herself increasingly isolated on the field, her confidence wavering as doubts crept into her mind.
As formidable of a player Azure was, her anger issues were her main issue. And everyone knew that, including the English defender.
Greenwood seemed to exploit every opportunity to get under Azure's skin, her taunts and jabs only serving to fuel the fire of Azure's frustration. With each clash on the field, the tension between them grew, escalating into a full-blown confrontation that threatened to boil over at any moment.
On a clear opportunity on goal, the blonde tried a vicious tackle, her feet colliding with Azure's, making her lose balance and fall in the middle of the box.
As Azure lay there, clutching her ankle in pain, she felt a surge of anger and frustration welling up within her, threatening to consume her in its fiery grip. The referee didn't whistle.
"Ref, that's a clear penalty!" Azure heard Leah yell, her voice echoing in the chaos of the moment. But the referee remained unmoved, her decision final as the game continued around them.
With a fierce determination burning in her eyes, Azure pushed herself to her feet, gritting her teeth against the pain as she limped back into position.
"Aze, you okay?" Katie asked, jogging alongside her.
"Yeah, I'm okay." She replied, a grimace on her face she tried to mask.
"You sure? You don't wanna get subb-"
"I said I'm okay, Katie!" Azure yelled, her voice sharp with frustration as she cut Katie off mid-sentence. But as soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them, the guilt and shame washing over her in a wave of self-recrimination.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Her teammate asked, shoving Azure angrily, her own frustration boiling over at the sudden outburst.
"Don't fucking touch me!" Azure yelled back, shoving Katie in return.
Soon enough, the two women were circled with players from both teams, forcefully separating the two teammates.
Once the two women were at a considerable distance, the referee issued both of them yellow cards, only increasing Azure's anger.
"What? Ref, it's my player!" Azure shouted when she was shown the yellow.
"You want to get another one?" The referee warned, her tone firm as she glared at Azure.
Taking a deep breath, Azure forced herself to calm down, knowing that losing her cool would only hurt her team. With a nod of acknowledgment, she backed away, her frustration still simmering beneath the surface as she refocused her attention on the game ahead.
Despite her best efforts to regain her composure, Azure couldn't shake the lingering frustration that clouded her mind. As the game resumed, she found herself struggling to focus, her every move plagued by doubt and distraction.
But amidst the chaos and tension of the match, a voice cut through the noise, breaking through the haze of Azure's anger and frustration.
"Hey, Aze! Focus!" Katie's voice rang out from across the pitch, her words filled with urgency and concern.
Azure's gaze snapped to Katie, her eyes meeting the Irish woman's with a mixture of guilt and gratitude.
Then, Katie raised two fingers, and Azure knew exactly what that meant.
She jogged into position, placing herself on the right wing, confusing both Greenwood and Beth's defender.
Katie raised her arm, asking Kim for the ball.
Kim noticed Katie's signal and swiftly passed the ball to her, trusting in her teammate's instincts. With a quick glance, Katie nodded towards Azure, a silent command passing between them as they executed a perfectly coordinated play.
As the ball flew towards Azure, she sprinted forward, her every muscle tensed with anticipation. With a swift flick of her foot, she controlled the ball, expertly maneuvering past the opposing defenders with ease.
As she approached the goal, Azure could feel the weight of the moment pressing down on her, the adrenaline coursing through her veins as she focused all of her energy on the task at hand. With a fierce determination burning in her eyes, she unleashed a powerful shot towards the net, her every movement fueled by a desire to prove herself, to silence her doubts, and to reclaim her place on the field.
And as the ball soared through the air, time seemed to stand still, the crowd holding its breath in anticipation. And then, with a resounding thud, the ball collided with the back of the net, the sound echoing through the stadium like a thunderclap.
The crowd erupted into cheers, their voices echoing in a cacophony of sound as they celebrated Azure's incredible goal. Without even thinking about it, Azure ran to Katie, and Katie ran to Azure, the Irish woman jumping into Azure's arms, celebrating as if they had never fought a day in their life.
They rejoined their teammates a few seconds later, a smile gracing both their lips.
The referee blew the end of the game a few minutes later, Arsenal ending up victorious thanks to Azure's goal.
The tattooed woman quickly shook the opponents' hands, knowing her captain would scold her if she didn't, then made her way back to the locker room, being, as usual, the first one there.
She sat down in front of her assigned locker, her head resting against the cold metal. She closed her eyes, trying to tune out the muted sound of fans yelling and music playing outside.
Then, the door of the locker room opened, and Azure felt someone sit next to her. She opened her eyes, and met Kim's gaze.
They stood silent for a few seconds, before the captain spoke.
"So, it's for real then?" She asked, and Azure nodded. "Are you going to tell the girls?"
Azure sighed softly, running her hand over her face. "I was kinda hoping Katie or Jonas would once I was gone."
Kim nodded, her expression thoughtful as she considered Azure's words. "I understand," she replied, her tone gentle yet firm. "But I think they deserve to hear it from you, Azure. They're your teammates, your friends. And they care about you. They deserve to know what's going on."
Azure sighed softly, her shoulders slumping with the weight of Kim's words. She knew that Kim was right, knew that she couldn't keep hiding her struggles from her teammates forever. But the thought of facing their reactions, of admitting her vulnerabilities to them, filled her with a sense of dread that she couldn't shake.
"I know," she murmured softly, her voice tinged with resignation. "I just... I don't know how to tell them, Kim. I'm scared of how they'll react. Scared of what they'll think of me." She confessed. "Arsenal signed me for almost 500k, and yeah sure I score goals, but outside of that, all I've done is tear the team apart. I see it, you know? I'm like the plague, every time I walk near you guys, you all stop laughing, stop talking."
Kim listened quietly to Azure's words, her expression softening with empathy as she reached out and placed a comforting hand on Azure's shoulder. Azure flinched. Kim removed her hand. "Azure, you're not the plague," she reassured her teammate, her voice filled with sincerity. "You're a valued member of this team, on and off the pitch. And yeah, maybe things haven't always been smooth sailing, but that doesn't change the fact that we're a family, and families stick together through thick and thin."
Azure was about to answer, when the locker room door flew open, a bunch of their teammates entering the room, clapping their hands and laughing together.
Azure's and Kim's eyes met, and Azure shook her head. "Not right now. They're happy."
Kim nodded in understanding, recognizing the importance of timing when it came to sensitive conversations. "Alright," she replied softly, her voice filled with understanding. "We'll find the right moment."
Kim walked back to her own locker, while Azure got up and started taking off her sweaty gear, before hopping in the shower, letting the hot water wash away the physical and emotional strain of the game. As the water cascaded over her, Azure closed her eyes, trying her best not to let tears escape.
The chaos of the locker room seemed to invade Azure's mind, keeping her from even hearing her own thoughts.
So she finished her shower quickly, then changed into a fresh outfit, grabbed her bag, and left in the direction of the bus.
"Aze!" She suddenly heard someone call for her.
Not someone.
Katie.
Only Katie called her that.
She turned around, and came face to face with the Irish. Of course, she was still in her jersey and shorts.
Katie reached Azure, slightly out of breath from the quick jog. "Can I talk to you?" She asked, pointing to the restroom only her team had access to.
With a silent nod, Azure followed Katie into the restroom, the sound of the bustling locker room fading into the background as they found themselves alone in the quiet confines of the small space.
Once the door was closed behind them, Katie turned to Azure, reached out, and placed her hands on her neck, then crashed her lips against Azure's, kissing her with a fierce intensity that took Azure's breath away.
For a moment, Azure was too stunned to respond, her mind reeling from the suddenness of Katie's actions. But as she felt the warmth of Katie's lips against hers, a surge of emotion welled up within her, a mixture of longing, desire, and love that she couldn't deny.
Wrapping her arms around Katie's waist, Azure pulled her closer, deepening the kiss as she poured all of her pent-up emotions into the embrace. At that moment, nothing else mattered but the two of them, lost in the intensity of their passion and the depth of their connection.
As they finally pulled apart, their breaths coming in ragged gasps, Azure gazed into Katie's eyes, her heart pounding in her chest. "Katie..." she whispered softly, her voice filled with a mixture of wonder and longing. "I thought we were taking things slow."
"We will. Once you're gone. Right now, I just- I want you so bad." Katie confessed, her voice raw with emotion. "I want to be close to you, to hold you, to feel you near me. Cause maybe it's the last time I can in a while, and I'm gonna miss that so much. And fuck, you were so sexy on the pitch."
Azure's heart swelled with emotion at Katie's words, her own longing and desire echoing the sentiment. She reached out and gently cupped Katie's face in her hands, her touch tender and filled with love. "Did I ever tell you I love your accent?"
Katie chuckled softly at Azure's attempt to lighten the mood, a smile gracing her lips as she leaned into Azure's touch. "You've mentioned it once or twice," she replied teasingly, her voice warm with affection. "But I never get tired of hearing it."
Azure smiled back, her heart lighter despite the weight of their impending separation. "You know that any of the girls could walk in at any moment, right?"
Katie grinned mischievously, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Let them," she replied boldly, her voice filled with confidence. "I'm not afraid of a little scandal."
Azure couldn't help but laugh at Katie's fearless attitude, her own worries momentarily forgotten in the warmth of their connection. "You're impossible," she teased, her tone affectionate as she leaned in to steal another kiss.
Katie chuckled softly, her arms wrapping around Azure's waist as she pulled her close. "And yet, here you are, falling for me," she teased back, her voice filled with playful banter as they shared another tender moment together.
They kissed and kissed again, until Azure told Katie to go shower and change, and that they'd meet back inside the bus.
Katie reluctantly agreed, knowing she was going to get shouted at for still being in her kit, and both women left the restroom, Katie going back to the locker room and Azure boarding the bus, being of course the first one there.
By the time anyone else arrived on the bus, Azure had her earphones on, and was on the verge of falling asleep.
Laura was the first one to enter the bus. She stood in front of Azure for a few seconds, her eyes shining, then sat down next to her and threw herself into Azure's arms, the taller girl jumping in surprise.
Physical contact. She hated physical.
She was about to push Laura away and give her a piece of her mind, when she realized that the Austrian was crying.
Azure's initial reaction of discomfort melted away as she felt Laura's tears against her shoulder, a surge of empathy washing over her. Despite her own struggles and reservations, she couldn't ignore the pain and anguish radiating from her teammate, her heart going out to her in that moment of vulnerability.
"Laura, what's wrong?" Azure asked softly, her voice gentle and filled with concern as she wrapped her arms around the Austrian woman, offering her a comforting embrace.
Laura didn't answer, but Beth, sitting in from of them did. "Jonas told us. About rehab. Is it true?"
Azure hesitated for a moment, caught off guard by Beth's question. She glanced around the bus, noticing the curious gazes of her teammates, their expressions a mix of concern and confusion.
"Yeah, it's true," Azure replied softly, her voice tinged with resignation. "I'm... I'm going to rehab. For my drinking."
There was a moment of silence as her words sank in, the weight of her admission hanging heavy in the air. Laura's grip on Azure tightened, her tears continuing to flow as she clung to her teammate for support.
"I'm sorry guys, I- I didn't mean to ruin the mood," Azure said, gently stroking Laura's back.
The bus fell silent, the only sound the soft sniffles of Laura as she leaned into Azure's embrace. But then, Kim's voice cut through the tension, breaking the somber atmosphere with a note of determination.
"You're not ruining anything, Azure," Kim declared firmly, her voice filled with conviction. "You're brave for admitting you need help. And you're not alone in this. We're here for you, every step of the way."
"Thanks," Azure whispered, a small smile playing on her lips.
Laura lifted her head from Azure's shoulder, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "I'm sorry," she murmured softly, her voice filled with remorse. "I didn't mean to cry all over you."
Azure offered her a gentle smile, her heart swelling with compassion for her teammate. "It's okay," she replied softly, her voice warm with reassurance.
The remaining of the drive back from Meadow Park to Colney was silent. Azure allowed Laura to hold her hand, the younger girl seemingly still on the verge of crying.
When they arrived back at the training camp, and all left the bus, Azure shook everyone's hands, even allowing a hug from Lotte, and a small tap on her back from Beth.
After several good luck wishes exchanged, everyone went back to their respective cars, and drove home in the silent night, azure knowing more than anyone how hard tomorrow would be.