By the fourth hour since everyone separated, everyone was mostly asleep but me.I was both staring into the fire in the front room sitting on the couch, and fidgeting with my athame in my hand opening and folding then flicking it open again. Thoughts were going through my mind, my family at the vampire estate without me, the vision that I saw about this chase guy that had murdered at least a dozen people both friends and associates of mine. My eyes glistened against
the red and orange flames and there was a black stick in my mouth that reflected the colored flames revealing it to be glistening black and had a glowing orange tip that smelled like a forest, the smoke masked by the flames and smoke of the fireplace that was as big as me. In my mind Nox was trying to console me, talking to me, and comforting me. "What are your plans at this point young master? I know you've been in a rougher position than this before but you've
handled this like an alpha that's for sure but what comes about...now? Once again you've got a squad, but what will come of this?" I nodded and said "Im not gonna lie I don't know right now I was not expecting this mission to have so many moving parts, so many lives involved and so many questions è preoccupante" which meant "its concerning," in Italian, I said, and gripped my necklace and said "My gods are challenging me by letting me be here at the same time as these warriors involved aradian tears and rattlesnake venom...
Chase has been drinking blood from vampires and werewolves and ritually slaying witches, Kraven is hiding his intentions where my sisters and brother are concerned, the ideals so far that we are eventually going to have to face..someone the fact that I have met the werewolves, the vampires, and the witches once or more and still kick proves my strength. Still, I cannot be complacent....quella sarà la mia fine" that meant "it will be the end of me" in Italian. It was at
that moment I started to sing slightly well more like a whisper to calm myself down "Long ago..inside a distant memory there is a voice that says "Do you believe in a world of happy endings? even when the road seems long every breath you take will lead you closer to a special place within your never-ever..." the fire burned in my heart and in my eyes as I checked at my black fingerless gloved fingernails and played with my silver barbell spike earrings.
As I was flickering my knife back and forth I heard something go creak and when I turned Selene was like "you get caught with that thing out Someone gonna accuse you of having violent tendencies or suicidal tendencies at the very least" and I jumped slightly "oh shit Avrei potuto tagliarti" which meant "I could have cut you"in italian I cursed and almost dropped my open bladed knife
on my foot and I blinked "shit how long have you been there?" and she walked over to me and said "I've been here since you began singing to yourself" and I blushed slightly and coughed "sorry I can't sleep so you heard me..thinking out loud" and she nodded and sat down and said,
"I can't blame you for not having any clues, we've fought these beasts this family for years on end like I said almost a better of a thousand years at the most we are trained for it and we're supernatural creatures...if you were to do what we couldn't in 1000 years it'd be a miracle.."
I sighed and looked back at her with the flames behind me and i said "we came to figure out why your kind was being murdererd and we-" and she interrupted "and you have done that you found the culprit its chase now let us death dealers handle the rest we are bred to handle
this..do you really want to bring death to your family's doorstep?" and I scowled slightly thinking and looking at the flames and said " its nothing we havent dealt with before we Night family members have two laws that we follow...we go to the ends of the earth for our goals and we
finish what we start" and she scowled slightly, almost emotionless listening and said "just because you have the capability to handle things doesnt mean you should have to" and I nodded slightly and said "Lo stesso vale per te(the same goes for you), as far as I can tell we're two sides of the same
coin" and she just stared at me like I punched her in the face slightly shocked and I smirked and said "whats with that face? do I sense a slight hint disapproval?" and she ran her hands through her long black hair she was so much like my setsuna aka Selena and she said "you cant compare your assignments to our traditions to our talents our skills to our abilities"
I sighed and said "Something I once was told that you can't compare degrees to numbers, quality over quantity you've dealt with werewolves with guns I dealt with a cannibalistic demon of San Croce at 17 who ate children, I've dealt with a massive sphinx underneath an institution, a wraith, Ive deal with a cyclops, a massive sea dragon, Ive been killed by demonic possession
statues and made an appearance in the very hell itself only whispered about Ive fought organization of sorcerers and yes just a bit ago I fought eight werewolves and took out of five of them, trust me we, Judas, Setsuna and the rest of my family and I...we're trained just like you and we dont intend to come this far and then run with our tails between our legs non nella
nostra linea di sangue" which meant "its not in our bloodlines" and She looked at me, and crossed her arms, silent as I looked at her intensely and at that moment she whispered "what are you scared of Ciaran? Who are you angry at?" I clenched my fist and brought up my internal shields in my mind bouncing her out and said in a threatening way "Stay out of my mind o te ne pentirai" I meant "or you'll regret it" in Italian it in a low voice and I held my knife in a more threatening way.
Energy flowed into my athame then before she calmly walked over to me and in the firelight, I held my knife at her throat my hands started to shake slightly and she glared at my eyes my emerald eyes meeting her blue eyes and I saw resolve in her eyes as she reached out and held my hand that had my knife "It's ok Ciaran you're safe here...I sense there's more to you than just what you've told me... you're shaking like you have PTSD...I dont know what you fought that
made you born to hunt...but it takes a lot to build a wall around your heart" I nodded and let go and my knife crashed to the floor with a clank and after a moment of staring into the eyes of Selene I said "you asked me what I was afraid of what I was angry at..." and She nodded and looked at me with a stressed look on my face and she said "let me tell you Ciaran...I have been on
this earth for 120 years the date of my birth was 1383, I've only viewed this war for that long, and I found your resolve to be that of a prepared death dealer...only those who know death have the level of Danger in your eyes when I entered your mind for the brief moment even as you told me you were born slightly after world war two..1945 I have 500 years on you and I'm hesitant to see what you hide...so I'll ask you again..what are you afraid of...what are you angry about?"
I sighed and took a deep breath and looked at her and said "I dont..know what Im angry about I dont know what Im afraid of at this point, I can say Im mad at Alexis for making me a target but that not entirely true because she told me that she's not in charge of our pain, I can say Im mad at judas because he withheld information but he had reason for it, I can say IM mad at Abaddon for chaining me but he merely did what his nature allowed, and I can say Selena for killing my sister but she had a reason to save us all..I can say Im mad at everyone and everything in my
way,, but that's not true because 80% of the people in front of my face are working with others who have a reason to fight me and those people who hunt me..so honestly to say me being mad is only wasting time and energy..I'm confused, stressed, and frustrated at myself scared of myself is the viable answer perché non c'è altra risposta" and I sighed deeply with my fingers itching my
eyes and sniffled and put another cig in my mouth it had to be my third since the day started and before I could lit it and drag on it and blow the smoke out into the fire, Selene stopped my hands from lighting it and took it from my mouth and I closed my eyes slightly and said
"People see me as a warrior, as a hero IM confused why people stand behind me..IM a hotwired soldier with PTSD with nuclear power at my fingers fighting for vengeance over the wrongs of my family and because winners tell the story if we lose our dream of paradise is over Odio la mia vita e tutti coloro che ne fanno parte" which meant "I hate my life and everyone in it" in Italian and Selene sighed and nodded and said "your a human Ciaran, a sensitive strong human
slayer that has been so hard to kill that you might as well be a vampire or a werewolf or something supernatural something bulletproof but the fact is you're still a human, witches are powerful but they are still humans and the fact is humans are a race meant to destroy yourselves, and thus meant to die; you have one life it makes anything you do matter" and I
nodded and clenched my fist and she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and said 'Im going back upstairs dont take too long in the reflection of the flames" I nodded and picked up my athame from the floor and when I looked again, she had vanished and I shook my head and nodded before flicking it closed and slipping it away and said "so that's what that feels like"