Chapter Six
Slowly, she opened the door that led out onto the balcony. Standing there wearing his white shirt buttoned up and his simple dark slacks, Connor seemed to be shivering. The air had a real chill to it. Instead of letting him in, she stepped out onto the balcony in front of him and closed the door behind her.
Swallowing nervously, she met his dark brown eyes for the first time in a long while.
Seeing his kind, crooked smile return to his mouth really made her know. It wasn’t just friendly banter between them.
“Why are you here?” she asked quietly. “You haven’t spoken to me in weeks!” She rubbed her arms to keep warm, silently wishing she’d just let him into her bedchamber. She silently cursed society norms.
“I know,” he said sadly, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been a right arse to ye. It’s just … I don’ know how to speak to ye like this. I’ve been very angry with ye for a while because ye … I don’ know. I had to see ye,” he stammered. Running a hand awkwardly through his curly, blond hair he looked at her with pain in his dark eyes.
Sabine folded her arms across her chest defensively. “Why?” she pressed.
His face looked like he’d just sucked on a lemon. His lips pursed and he squinted his eyes. “Sabine,” he sighed. “When ye spoke to me last, ye pushed me too far. I dinna like talking about my da’, it’s hard for me. Ye can’ understand because your da’ is exactly the kind of father ye deserve. Mine … well, he wasn’t. I snapped at ye, I though ye were being nosy and I dinna think it was any of your business. I was ready to talk to ye but then ye were courting that man,” he growled. “What do ye see in him?” he demanded to know, getting side tracked.
Sabine bit her lip, ashamed. “You’ll think I’m horrible,” she whispered.
“So ye don’ like him?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
She shook her head. “I don’t. I just felt like I couldn’t say ‘no’,” she admitted.
A small smile teased at his lips. “Good, he’s no’ very nice,” he told her. “He might be a gentlemen with a load of coin but he does no’ care for servants. It’s quite rude.”
“Why does it matter to you, Connor?” Sabine inquired. She was fishing for answers. He was standing on her balcony which meant he had climbed up the vines. Clearly he had reasons … something he needed to talk to her about.
He swallowed rather loudly. “It matters because I … I dinna like seeing ye with him. He touched your arm and kissed your cheek and it made me angry. I could no’ understand why ye chose him when we …” he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.
“When we what?” she prompted.
“It’s no’ my place,” he said quietly. His crossed his arms across his chest the same as she had.
Sabine let out an audible groan. “Can you forget about the fact that I’m the daughter of an Earl and you’re the stable hand for one minute?” she asked, exasperatedly. “Just speak your mind.”
Connor took a deep breath and met her eyes sharply. “Alright, I’ll be honest with ye,” he nodded. “You’re on my mind … all the time,” he said slowly. Unfolding his arms, he took one of her little hands in his. “You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morn, and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. After I snapped at ye that last time we spoke I immediately regretted it. I was goin’ to apologise to ye but I heard ye were being courted by tha’ Mr Rochester so I thought I dinna stand a chance against him.
After that I could no’ bear to be around ye knowing that ye were thinking of marrying someone else. I thought it must have been all in my imagination. I thought tha’ ye dinna think of me in any other way than your employee.
But tonight, I could no’ stand it anymore. I was lying in bed and I had to see ye. I had to see ye one last time.” He squeezed her hand tightly before letting it go.
“Last time?” Sabine said breathlessly. Her heart was racing. She was sure that Connor could hear it. He did not think it was just friendly banter either. He thought of her romantically, she wasn’t alone.
“I’ll be handing in my notice tomorrow. I can’ be here anymore. I need to forget ye,” he said sadly.
“Forget me?” she gasped. “Why? Why must you leave?”
“Sabine, ye don’ understand how the world works. High don’ mix with low,” he sighed. “I’m goin’ to leave and find another job somewhere. If your mama and da’ knew how I felt about ye then they’d never give me a reference. I need to leave now.”
Tear filled Sabine’s eyes. She knew he was right, but that didn’t mean she liked it. Why couldn’t high mix with low? Why did there even have to be a high and a low? She knew plenty of people with money that didn’t deserve it.
“How do you feel about me?” she whispered. She wanted to hear it just once if he was to leave.
“Sabine,” he said in a pained voice. “Don’ make me say it.”
“I want you to tell me,” she pressed.
His other hand reached up and caressed her cheek bone. “I won’ say it, Sabine. I can’. To admit that to myself then I’ll lose my nerve.”
“Where will you go?” she asked as her voice cracked.
Abandoning the appropriate distance, Connor wrapped his arms around Sabine tightly.
Her head fit right in the nape of his neck. She felt so comfortable in his arms, they enveloped her completely and she smelt the musky scent that she had smelled when he had lent her his shirt.
“I don’ know,” he replied quietly. “Perhaps up to Yorkshire or somewhere.”
“I want you to stay,” she whispered. With her head laying against his chest, she could hear how fast his heart was beating, it almost matched her own. He was as nervous and as scared as she was.
“I can’ be here and be simply ‘friends’ with ye, Sabine, I can’ do it,” he sighed, leaning his head against the top of her head. “Because sooner or later you’re goin’ to get married and I don’ want to watch tha’.”
Sabine pulled her head away from his body and looked up at him. His brown eyes were very glassy, as if he was trying to control his emotions as well. If two people had to separate because of their social status then she would not have it. Standing up on her toes, she did something she had never done before. She pressed her lips against his surprised ones for the shortest of moments. She pulled away and looked to the ground as her cheeks flamed red.
She’d never kissed a man before, she’d only ever seen her parents kiss. She had no idea what she was doing. Perhaps she was terrible and Connor hated it. Someone as handsome as him had probably kissed a thousand women ten times more experienced than she was.
He placed his finger underneath her chin and pulled her face upwards so that he could kiss her again. Pressing his lips to hers, Sabine closed her eyes feeling rather hesitant and nervous. Timidly she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck as he arms tightened around her waist.
As she felt his tongue against her lips, she pulled away, knowing she wasn’t ready for that. Instead she cuddled back into his chest and he seemed happy with that.
“You can’t leave me now,” she murmured. “I won’t let you.”
He ran his hands up her back soothingly. “What am I supposed to do, Sabine? I can’ marry you, your da’ would shoot me if I even asked!”
“He wouldn’t!” she protested. She realised that he had just mentioned marrying her. Looking into his eyes she could imagine it. Connor was like no other she had ever known. “Papa isn’t like that. He would be happy for me, honestly, he would.”
“Sabine, you’re being naïve,” Connor said sadly. “I don’ have any money, I have nothing to offer ye. Do ye really think your father would hand over his only daughter to the likes of me?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.
Sabine knew that that made sense. Her father wouldn’t give his blessing to a marriage between her and Connor. But it simply wasn’t fair. “You can’t just leave,” she said sadly. “You won’t leave me here alone.”
Connor looked at her sadly. “I know how ye feel about being alone, lass. I’m sorry. But in order for us both to move on, I can’ be here. Ye father would never allow our marriage.”
Sabine’s shoulders slumped. “Why must we seek parental permission anyway?” she groaned. “I’m three and twenty years old, I shouldn’t have to ask my father if I want to do things!”
Connor’s eyes widened as a thought came to his mind.
“What is it?” Sabine asked.
“Are ye serious about tha’?” he asked. “About not asking your da’?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“I mean would ye be willing to marry without his permission. Once it’s done, there’s nothing anyone can do about it,” he said, sounding excited.
“Do you mean run away?” she asked in disbelief.
“Have ye ever heard of Gretna Green?”
Sabine nodded slowly. Of course she had heard of Gretna Green. Many young lovers had travelled to Scotland to marry without the permission of their parents. Gretna Green was where the dreams of the forbidden lovers came true. “Yes,” she whispered.
“I won’ be able to get your father to listen to me if we’re not already married. If we go to Gretna Green, then we can come back here and speak with your parents,” his grin widened with delight but Sabine was less excited.
She hadn’t imagined that running away would be the way she got married. She’d always imagined walking down the aisle on her father’s arm with all her family there to witness. “Doesn’t running away imply that we’ve something to be ashamed about?” she asked.
“Ye have nothing to be ashamed about, Sabine,” he said tenderly, realising her reservations. He looked around on the small balcony and settled on the corner of the stone rectangle. “Sit with me,” he invited her. He sat down on extended his arm for her.
Sabine settled in his arms and lay her head on his shoulders.
“It is I with the shame. I don’ have the money to build ye a house,” he sighed.
“I don’t need money to be happy,” she told him.
“That’s what rich people say. And then when they don’t have money they realise that money does indeed make them happy,” he said simply, seeming as if he knew that for a fact. “Or it at least makes things easier.”
“I don’t want to run away, Connor,” she told him firmly. “If I’m to marry you then I shall do it in front of everyone I know.”
Connor let out a sad sigh. “Alright,” he conceded. “How do you plan on telling your da’?” he asked.
“I don’t,” she replied. “Not yet anyway. I’ve … I’ve sort of been bad mouthing you to my parents for the past few months.” Looking up at Connor, she saw that his eyes were wide, but that he wore and amused smirk.
“What have ye been saying about me?” he asked curiously. His arm around her tightened slightly.
“That I didn’t like you. That I hate your Scottish colloquialisms, and that I hate how you’ve disordered my stables,” she said quickly. If ever dinner conversation had crossed to Connor McKenzie, Sabine was quick to extend her opinion. Two months of neglect had put her in an awful mood when it came to him.
Connor chuckled. “I suppose after two months of being an arse, I deserve that,” he nodded. “But really, what is wrong with the stables?”
Sabine ignored the question. “I won’t speak to my parents until after I get back from my Christmas holiday,” she decided.
“Where are ye goin’?” he asked, sounding slightly annoyed that she was going away.
“Yorkshire,” she replied. “My family all gather every year at my grandmamma’s farm and we spend Christmas together. Where will you be spending the holiday?” she wondered. Perhaps he would go back to his family? The thought seemed ludicrous though.
“I hadn’t thought,” he admitted. “I might go an’ stay with my sister and her family. I haven’t seen them since before I go’ this job. Dinna worry about the horses, I’ll make sure someone comes down to feed and water them every day. I’ll ask the blacksmith in the village to come and make sure they’re shoes are fine as well.”
She giggled at the fact that he knew Sabine’s first worry so well. She thought back to his mention of his family. “Merida,” Sabine recalled. She thought it was very unusual, but pretty name. It had to be Scottish, as was his name.
“Yes, Merida,” he nodded. “She actually married at Gretna Green,” he told her. “That’s why I know about it.”
“Really?” Sabine raised her eyebrows. “Whose was the objection to her marriage? Your parents of his?”
“Mine,” he replied dully. “I dinna see why. Grant was a decent man an’ he loved Merida. He was just very poor. My da’ told Grant to get out of his house and my mama supported him even though she saw it broke Merida’s heart. I’d never seen Merida so sad. Tha’ was the final straw for me an’ my parents. They dismissed my sister’s happiness based on a man’s lack of money. Grant took Merida away tha’ night and they stole away to Gretna Green. My da’ disowned Merida so I left. I haven’t looked back, no’ for three years.”
Sabine realised that Connor had just divulged to her his past, the past that he had been so reluctant to talk about. She now knew what had made him leave home. It was his father’s refusal of his sister’s marriage and his prompt disowning of her.
“Are Merida and Grant happy?” she asked after a while.
Connor smiled widely. “They’re no’ rich at all, but ye won’t meet two happier folks. They’ve two children – two year old Jamie and a little bairn, Lila. She was born right before I left. Grant became a blacksmith after he and Merida married. He does no’ earn much, but he supports his family.” Connor smiled fondly as he thought of his family.
“I’m happy that your sister found love and contentment after your father refused them,” she smiled sincerely. “And if my father refuses then we shall do the same thing,” she promised him. “But not as our first choice. When I return in January I’ll speak to my father.”
“We’ll speak to him, together,” he promised, taking her hand. “Just so he does no’ suspect anything though, ye might wan’ to keep bad mouthing me. If ye stop suddenly he might begin to wonder,” he pointed out. “So, shall I keep annoying ye with my Scottish colloquialisms?”
Sabine giggled and nodded. “I don’t mind them. I find ‘lass’ endearing. I actually missed it, I only ever said that I hated it,” she admitted.
“Well then, lass,” he emphasised. “Ye might wan’ to get some sleep. The sun will be rising soon and we don’ wan’ ye falling asleep at breakfast,” he winked. Connor got to his feet and helped Sabine up.
She felt as though she might indeed wake up from a dream at any moment. She couldn’t believe that Connor had actually climbed up to her balcony and informed her that he was leaving, for them only to discuss their impending marriage, with or without her father’s consent.
She then realised, just as he was about to climb over the balcony, that he’d never actually voiced how he felt about her. His objections being because he was leaving. He was no longer leaving so those objections could not be kept.
“Connor,” she said excitedly.
“Aye?” he said in a strained voice as he sat on the stone wall of the balcony. Sabine saw that he was contemplating his next move.
“Do you love me?” she asked vulnerably.
His devious, crooked grin flashed across his face as his brown eyes flooded with sincerity. “Ye can’ comprehend how much, lass,” he said simply.
She beamed happily as he disappeared over the ledge. Racing to the edge, she watched as he climbed down the ivy vines carefully, before dropping the remainder of the distance.
He gave her a final wave before he made his way back towards the stables to get some sleep before he had to start the day.
As she was about to turn around to go back to sleep herself. She was the hint of light the rising sun brought as it began to shine across the Southerby estate. At that moment, she didn’t fret about the obstacles and Connor would face.
She was loved. He loved her. He didn’t mind that she had few interests or that she was quite outspoken when it came to how she liked things done. He loved her regardless. Sabine felt something that she had never before experienced, self – confidence.
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This story is NO WAY near finished. There is still quite a lot of drama to go :)
But I can't wait to introduce 'ye' all to Merida McKinnon (nee McKenzie) :D Just a little future hint for you :)
Vote and comment!!!!