Jason Archer
It was the middle of the next day. Apollo, Alaric, and Emery went off to the Chapel Hill campus to see Aurora and Declan. Axton stayed behind for a nap. Emery informed me they'd return in a few hours since I didn't want to go. I'd already texted Aurora and told her I'd see her in a few days. After yesterday, I wasn't emotionally ready to handle an influx of people. Especially not two of Triple-A. One of them being Apollo. The one I had to figure out how to apologize to.
How did I explain that I saw the light? Not the death one, but the one where I listened to someone speak instead of shoving them away?
Sighing, I flipped over the book in my hands and continued reading. Alaric spoke to me earlier today. He asked if I liked to read. Not really. But I wasn't going to deny a conversation with him, so I told him I wasn't a huge fan, but I was willing to hear why he asked. He told me he had a book that would get me engaged, and he handed me his favorite book.
Then he proceeded to tell me about his fascination with Edgar Allen Poe thanks to Aurora and Declan. Apparently, their whole relationship was built off the dead poet. So, he also gave me a book of his short stories and poems. I set that aside. I knew he was a horror author. And the fact that I already knew about the Edgar Allen Poe bottom line with Aurora and Declan–I didn't need to be in that mindset right now.
My phone vibrated, and when I looked, it was another call from my Mom. My parents knew by now that I'd dropped out of college. I was avoiding that confrontation like the plague. They weren't happy. I understood they were paying for my education, and I appreciated it–but if they weren't going to hear me–there was no point in telling them about my abrupt need to drop out of school.
Sighing, I tossed my phone to the other end of the bed and read again. That was until I heard something that sounded like a cry come from across the hall. I'd kept my door open in case Axton woke up and decided we were having a chat. And maybe I welcomed it a little bit more than I should. Trusting him was a dangerous thing I decided to do. We haven't really spoken much since yesterday.
He kept sending me glances at the dinner table like he knew this dirty secret that no one else knew. The secret itself didn't make him happy, but more than he knew it, did.
I heard the cry again, and this time, I set down my book after bookmarking the page. Alaric told me if I dogeared his pages, he'd have my head. I listened to that warning a little too well. But only someone who enjoyed immense pain would dog-ear a book page.
The cry floated through the room again, and I was on my feet, and across the hall in less than ten seconds. Axton's room? Apollo's, maybe? It felt...more like Apollo's room. I wasn't sure who stayed where. I never paid attention to who went where. There were no legos, so it wasn't Alaric's room. But there were posters on the wall of an athlete I didn't know the name of. Men.
Apollo's room.
There was also a...toy car, I think, sitting in a glass case in the corner. Axton didn't strike me as the kind of person to collect things like toy cars, but for some reason, Apollo struck me as that kind of person.
Another cry drew my eyes to the bed where I saw Axton rolling around the bed like he was fighting demons in his sleep. I furrowed my brows. Emery mentioned something about Triple-A taking care of Axton when we spoke on the phone one time. I didn't know what he meant back then, but maybe...now I did. He mentioned some trauma with his Father, which blew me away the more I thought about it. Six years old.
I approached the bed and touched his shoulder. "Axton?"
Whatever the fuck he sensed, I wasn't sure, made him grab my arm and pull me on the bed. I gasped before his arms were wrapped around me, and he was hanging off me like a vine. "Thank you."
"For what?!" I tried to wiggle out of his hold. "Axton, let me go. Oh, my god. You weren't lying. You're a snuggler. I'd like to commend your lack of care when it comes to the gender of your snuggle buddy, but I am not that person."
He wasn't awake–not really. He didn't answer me. He didn't let me go, either. I was stuck in an iron grip that held me captive. Maybe it should have terrified me that this straight boy was attached to me, but...it didn't. Not after yesterday. It didn't solve everything, but enough. Enough that I could breathe around him. Not that I expected him to drag me into...Apollo's bed, I believed, but I couldn't move. So, I patted his hand as his whimpers died down.
While I was stuck there, I started to wonder what nightmares plagued him. What caused him to panic in his sleep? And why did someone lying with him calm him so quickly? It had to mean that Apollo, at the very least, stayed with him, and held him when he was scared.
It took me an insane amount of time to process that. Axton was this, tall guy, who held killer energy about him any other part of the day. Yet, now he was snuggled into my back. It made him appear smaller than the aggressive energy he put off. Somehow, it helped me see him in that light that shined over him yesterday.
I used to like snuggling. It was my favorite pastime. But after everything that happened to me–I haven't chased another hook-up. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't need cuddles to make me feel better. But what if I did? Because the way I allowed myself to relax in the arms of someone I shouldn't considering his sexuality, and my fear–scared me to death.
Not enough to think about it more.
Last night, I slept like shit.
And it caught up with me when I knew there was no getting out of this position without possibly causing Axton more panic. If I woke him, then I'd have to deal with whatever monster came out when I did. And I wasn't about to find out what happened when I woke him from his panic-addled sleep.
My mistake was closing my eyes. My biggest mistake was falling asleep. And the nail in the coffin was after an undisclosed amount of time I felt someone staring at me through the grogginess of my sleep. It made me crinkle my nose. The arms around me were warm, so I didn't move. I fell back into the warmth of the arms around me. I pretended they were someone who loved me–cherished me.
Okay, I was crazy.
And those laser eyes were still staring.
Then a poke to my shoulder made me groan. "Go away."
I tried to turn over but was held in place by the strong arms wrapped around me. The eyes wouldn't relent. So, I cracked open my eyes, and to my fucking horror, there wasn't one pair of eyes staring at me, but three.
Emery was slack-jawed. Alaric was entertained. Apollo was fucking pissed. Shocker.
Apollo reached over and pinched Axton somewhere I couldn't see. Somewhere near his face. "Ace!"
Axton whined like a child in my ear. "Shut the fuck up, Apollo. I'm comfy."
"That is not me."
Axton must have opened his eyes because I gasped when I was suddenly tumbling toward the floor. He kicked me onto the floor! I popped my head up and glared at him. "This is your fault!" I shouted at him. He pressed his lips together, his eyes conveying an apology while he tried for rage. Right. Okay. "Jesus, you whined, and wouldn't shut up." And I conveyed back the same apology. His eyes held understanding. I saw it because I chose to see it. "I was your captive. This is far from my fault!"
"You could have woken me!"
"I tried, you mammoth!" I clawed at the end of the bed, standing up as I sucked in a breath. "You wouldn't move! I was trapped in my own little horror show. Who knew you were such a cuddler?"
I did. I hated that I knew, but I did. I could tell he wanted to smirk at me because he'd told me yesterday. Odd to know he wasn't lying. "Save it, you blowhard. I am not embarrassed to like cuddling. Emery has even partaken, haven't you, Boy Scout?"
Emery grumbled under his breath. "Listen, I know all too well that he really doesn't like to wake up. Not even when I have to pee, mind you. Apollo knows where to pinch him to wake him up. Which, by the way, I do know now."
I arched a curious brow. "You cuddle all of your besties?"
"Not embarrassed but nice try." He rolled his eyes. "Get out. This is my domain."
Apollo sat on the edge of the bed. "It's my domain."
Alaric snorted. "This was a treat."
Desperate to hold onto my secret. Both of them–I stormed out of the room with fake rage I didn't feel anymore. It felt like all the anger melted from my body, and all I wanted to do was make things right with everyone.
If this situation happened before yesterday, I would have found it within myself to be embarrassed, but it was rather nice to have a nap. A nap where the cuddling wasn't attached to someone I liked romantically. Even if maybe I pretended he was someone who could love me. Not Axton. Hell no. But someone who was my partner. Someone...who could love me the way I wanted. Craved.
Once craved, anyway.
Not so much anymore.
Emery chased after me, giggling like a schoolgirl as I stopped in my room. "Yeah, I should have warned you before we left. He doesn't have nightmares too often. However, naps seem to be a source of his nightmares where frequency is involved."
I started messing with things on my dresser to distract myself. "Yeah, well, I couldn't very well ignore his cries. It was honestly...pathetic." I finished with a sigh. "Whatever. It happened. It doesn't need to be talked about."
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." I faced him. "So, I was thinking earlier before I was rabidly attacked by the fucking cuddle monster, that we could go out and do something? You, me, and maybe Alaric." I swallowed the fear taking root in my stomach. "I feel like...I need to do more. And please don't tell me I don't. I need to make an effort here."
Emery smiled. "Sure, Jason. I'd love to do that. What would you like to do? There are plenty of things to do that revolve around Christmas. I love Christmas."
"Whatever you want to do."
"Baking class! We'll have to bring Triple-A. And maybe Mama. We can make cookies. What do you think?"
"Triple-A?" I tried for my usual reluctance, but I was sure I missed the mark. "Whatever. That's fine. That...works."
Satisfied, Emery hopped off to tell everyone we'd be doing the cookie class tomorrow, apparently. He ran back to tell me that we'd draw names out of a hat. He was really pushing me to get to know Triple-A. Unknown to him, I saw the side of Axton he wanted me to see already. So, I'd even take him as a partner.
Emery dragged me back into Apollo's room, writing names on a piece of paper. He was having Triple-A choose their partners. Axton hummed, trying to voice that he hated he wouldn't be working with Apollo. He needed to be careful because I even heard the lack of heat behind it.
Axton drew first. "Oh, Emery, Sweetheart." He waved the slip of paper. "Looks like we can have cookie talk this time."
Apollo grabbed a piece of paper from Emery, opening it, and my heart fell to my ass when he lifted his gaze to me. "Jason."
Fuck.
He was less than happy with the results while Alaric cheered that he was cooking with Valeria. He jogged out of the room to let her know what we were doing, and Emery chased after him. It was cute. They were so in love. I loved that for them. But my idea was to work with Emery and Alaric first. It appeared the Gods above had other plans for me. So, I changed course. I'd figure out how to get into Apollo's good graces.
After I finally escaped, we were called down for dinner. Everyone conversed while I sat there–watching. Valeria spoke to me a few times but ended up speaking to everyone. It kind of hurt to know I had to keep my friendship with Axton a secret. Part of me wanted to know him a little better, but that meant spilling the hardest issue of my life in front of everyone.
Apollo didn't need to know. He could know something happened, but not about it.
Though, he seemed to have a lingering problem with someone. If that phone call I overheard was anything to go by. But I didn't let myself think too much about it. Nothing in Apollo's life was privy for me to know.
Once everyone finished dinner and cleaned up, I crawled back to my room and picked up the book Alaric had given me. We haven't spoken since this morning, but he was busy with Emery. Emery was several hands full. And I meant that in the most endearing way. Sometimes I wondered if he had some undiagnosed form of ADHD, but I wasn't at liberty to diagnose anyone after I dropped out from getting my psychology degree.
I wasn't the picture of good mental health anymore.
After a few hours passed, my door opened, and when I expected Emery, I saw Axton pop his head in with a smirk. "You railed me good."
I slowly shut the book. "Never say that again." I set it aside, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "And something makes me think you meant to make it sound that way."
He dipped inside, closing the door behind him. "Yes, it's ingrained in my DNA to be dirty-minded. It makes things more fun."
"Did you need something?"
"Nope." He plucked my wallet from the dresser, and I was shocked to watch him start ruffling through it like it was his. So much so, that I couldn't even open my mouth to tell him to stop. "Baking cookies with Apollo tomorrow should be fun for you." He pulled out one of the twenty-dollar bills from my wallet and examined it before he shoved it back inside. Then he snatched my driver's license. "Jason Tate Archer." He flashed my license at me. "Cute mugshot."
I was already off the bed, snatching my wallet and license from his grubby little hands. "Are you quite finished?"
He shrugged. "Everyone retreated to their rooms. Normally I'm bothering Apollo–still plan to do that, but I came to see what you were doing." He dropped into the giant chair beside my dresser, keeping his eyes on me. No longer did they hold hostility. Still weird. "Sorry about earlier. Normally Apollo is all snuggled in bed with me. Or Alaric. Maybe Emery."
"Right, and that's why you were in Apollo's bed?"
"Yes and no. Apollo's bed is the mainland, if you will. If anyone is sad, they lay in Apollo's bed. It became a thing because of me. So, I usually nap in there in case those cute little nightmares want to plague me."
"You're an odd person."
"Heard worse, and it's not like you're wrong." And he didn't look offended in the least. I was starting to think there wasn't anything that offended him. "Apollo has depression. I can tell you that–he doesn't hide it. So, there are times Emery hides in Apollo's bed when he's sad because of a book Alaric had him read. Sad because his little empathetic heart stuck again. Alaric, the same, kind of. And then me."
"Not sure why you're divulging this information to me."
Axton smirked like he knew things I didn't. "Well, if you plan to warm up to my best friend, then I'm telling you because it's important." His face grew serious. Nope. I didn't like that one bit. "And that's what he is. My best friend. What you thought you knew is way off base. Alaric has this playful personality–love him for it. Apollo, though? He's as loyal as they come. Patient. Unlike Alaric, he will tell you how it is without sugarcoating it, but we all need a friend like that. I've been friends with Apollo since I was born into this damned world."
My brows rose in surprise. "Oh, that...somehow makes sense," I remembered things Aurora told me about Triple-A. "I was told Apollo is most protective over you."
"He'd be the same with Alaric if needed, but Alaric is a lot more open than I am. It's not like I need his protection. I more appreciate it for what it is. The world is cruel, Jason. I don't rely on him for everything, but he's there if I need him. Vice versa. Alaric, all the same."
"Thank you for the Triple-A history lesson."
He patted the arms of the chair and sprang out of it. "You're welcome." He grinned. Starting to hate that grin of his. "Tomorrow, if you want to warm up to Apollo, start with an apology. I know that will be difficult. You can work around your trauma to explain. You don't have to tell him more than you need to. Tell him you have a hard time trusting people. We do, too. It's not like he's going to explain why that is to you–he'll understand. Then...I don't know, asshole, listen to what he has to say. That is, if he's willing to tell you now."
I frowned. "Thanks, yeah, I'll...try and figure that out."
Axton bowed his head before he disappeared to bother the boy I was going to have to apologize to. And with how close Emery and Apollo were based on the story I'd been given about his bed being a comfort zone–I feared he'd try and tour around my emotions. He'd try and figure out what made me tick. Get close.
And what if I couldn't allow that?
Our first meeting sparked because of my interest in him.
A crush.
A stupid crush.
I didn't want to be well and truly fucked.
And not in a fun way.