Hisoka was casually building his harem of black haired people who could debatably kill him at any given time.
And by that I mean the only people that qualified were already in his harem.
Maybe there was love potions in the McDonald's food or something. As Feitan rarely stopped clinging to him.
Though most of the clinging was him actively trying to murder Hisoka, as Hisoka held him by the back of his shirt. Highly resembling a kitten being picked up by the scruff of their neck.
Which only adds to the all transmuters are cats theory...
"Let. Me. Down." Feitan hissed, trying to bite Hisoka's arm, but was in too awkward of a position to do so.
Hisoka just continued helping the customer, not paying Feitan any mind.
The customer kept glancing over to Feitan. And the second Hisoka's attention was on another person, they mouthed "Blink eighteen times if you need help"
That was ridiculous amount of times to blink. And Feitan, certified cat, was too tired for that.
Noticing Feitan starting to fall asleep, yet again. As he spent most his time napping. Hisoka finally stopped holding him by the his shirt. Which was more like a dress, in Hisoka's opinion.
Pulling Feitan closer to his chest, he continued working the register as Feitan leaned against him. Quickly beginning to doze off.
One of Hisoka's many wives entered the store though. And as soon as they saw Hisoka holding another person so intimately, they immediately started singing.
"I remember years ago, someone told me I should take," there was a random pause here for some reason, as they stumbled backwards, tears building in their eyes, "Caution when it came to love."
"I did."
Hisoka could argue that by marrying him they really did not.
"And you were strong and I was not,"
Hisoka could agree with that, though. As did Feitan who grumbled and tossed a knife at the singing lady, who was interrupting his nap.
But, the lady suddenly turned into the lost, hybrid princess. Their eyes glowing as they made the knife stop and float midair with poorly made editing effects.
Switching songs, they started to sing louder, the original Karma. Before Jojo Seaweed, or whatever her name was
"I should've known from the start," They shouted, leaning forward as they balled their hands into fists and shut their eyes tight, "You play reckless with my heart, heart!"
Placing their hand over their heart, they opened their eyes, terrible effects surrounding them yet again, as they became even more hybrid than before, "AND NOW YOU WANNA SAY GOODBYE-YE, SO IM GONNA ### YOU GO!! YOUR ##### GONNA PAY FOR, #####"
Hisoka was unimpressed. His fingers running through Feitan's hair as the short man started waking up due to the singing.
Leaving Hisoka's arms. He dragged the girl into the play place, never to be seen again.
Of course, he couldn't even mourn the loss of his favorite midget's cuddles. As Humeown Purrson was running off, trench coat on fire. Stumbling over their own paws as they tried to stop drop and roll.
Kittens running everywhere, the mice chose that moment to start invading the floors. Meaning the customers were either screaming because Feitan was actively torturing someone in the play place, the fire, or the mice.
Or all three. Probably all three.
"HISOKA THERES AN ISSUE WITH THE GRILL!" The escaped convict shouted, him, and the other employees slowly becoming engulfed in flames.
"I guess you could say..." The teenage girl grinned, leaning against the doorway, "I'm burning with desire for you."
"I don't flirt with married women," Hisoka purred, ruffling their hair, which was tossed into a messy bun, "My apologies~"
"You're literally my husband."
"No exceptions, I'm afraid~"
"You were flirting with like eighteen married women yesterday!"
"I'm turning over a new leaf, dear."
"Fine. I guess our relationship is.." They grinned up at him, a fire dancing in their eyes. Mostly because the eyes were reflecting the light of the literal fire surrounding them, "a slow burn."
"I take pleasure in watching you burn to death." Hisoka purred, tucking a loose strand of hair behind their ear. Their blue orbs staring up at him innocently.
And then they burned to death.
But luckily devils don't fly. So they ended up coming back perfectly fine and ready to continue their shift.
—
"Ah, I almost forgot I was leaving today~" Hisoka was mostly thinking out loud rather than to anyone in particular. It was the middle of rush hour, so obviously nobody was there, and nobody would show up until five minutes to close.
Everyone's heads snapped towards him. And there was a lot of screaming and questions for the next eighty minutes.
"What do you mean, leaving!? We were supposed to get married!"
"Meow meow meow meow!?!?"
"Mmh.. I'm so fucking high right now.. I want.. kaleidoscope.."
"You're not reporting me to the authorities are you?"
*Mice noises*
"Who am I supposed to have clown children with now!?"
"I.. can't spell... I-I'm a waste- waste of space, why- why did I- I think I could- could make it.."
(Note: if you are dyslexic, please make sure you're smoking weed, not emotional instability seed👍 common mistake, easy to mix up)
"Meow meow..?"
"I can't go back there buddy. Hisoka you're my only hope, I can't- I can't go back there-"
"Hey baby girls, Dave here, mind if I just.. take a Quick Look at that ice cream machine."
"Dave! Dave Hisoka's leaving us, he's never coming back!"
"She's right, I'm not~"
"Mmh.. tall clown man.. pretty voice.. gonna marry.."
"I can't go back there man, the worms, the worms will get to me again. You gotta understand, I can't go back there, they know, they know they know they know-"
"Dang, must suck. Anyways about that ice cream machine..?"
"No, Dave~" Hisoka purred, playing with a deck of cards, just to give his hands something to do, "Perhaps tomorrow, when I'm no longer here~"
"Who's gonna cum on the Jesus mural in the men's bathroom when you're gone!?" The girl sobbed, clinging onto Dave, who didn't consent to that. But he's used to customers trauma dumping on him, so didn't complain.
"People have been coming on the Jesus mural?"
"You've been in the boys bathroom?"
"My bad, guys. I'll refrain." The drug addict mumbled, before flopping down onto the floor and starting to foam at the mouth.
"Thanks buddy, I know it's hard to stop defiling Jesus murals in the boys bathroom, but you'll get there."
"Talking from firsthand experience or..?"
"Shhh"
—
The troupe, who had come in to check on Hisoka, stood around him in a circle. Applauding him for his survival of seven nights at McDonald's.
It was rough, but he managed. And all it took was falling madly in love with his coworkers who would've thought.
Word Count: 1208
Fun Facts:
• I don't think this chapter funny enough, but wanna publish book so oh well. Stayed up like five hours late for this👍 3:59 am here, no time to proofread or edit, gotta publish
• Abd then they lived happily ever after‼️‼️🦅💥
• Might add a bonus chapter where Shal is dared to work at a completely different McDonald's for a week, and ends up quits on day one due to the stress