The night before last was strange.
After I suggested to Astarion that we go to bed, his entire demeanor had changed. I wasn't comfortable with continuing our escapades knowing that he was drunk on the blood, and as much as I had felt the need myself, I wanted every time with him to be remembered.
I had laid awake all night, hoping he would move closer, or at least graze me with a soft touch, but there was nothing.
The very next day passed with silence. Astarion had been gone when I woke and absent all day. It wasn't until the evening when I saw him and by then, I was too weary to speak.
Now, it was the next day, and there was still nothing. I semi-demanded to be taken through the city and, Astarion, true to his word, showed me around in a dull and monotonous tour. Gone was his excitement and love for the city, replaced by some brooding strangeness. I followed him from dress shop to dress shop. Visited each bay and harbor. I felt so depressed by the time we had reached the real estate portion, that I dragged along behind Astarion's lead, staring at the ground as we trudged on.
"Watch it, lady!" A rough shove brought me back from my moping, but I nearly fell backwards with the sudden impact.
"Tav!" Astarion's arms shot out to catch me and he twirled me up against him, shielding me from the source of the force.
"Watch where you're going!" A pale dwarf shouted up at us.
"Yes, yes, apologies, sir," Astarion waved the man off and ushered me off the stone cobblestone street, pushing me to the side of a shaded building. "What is the matter with you? You could get yourself hurt if you don't pay attention around here, Tav," he lectured me, waving a finger in my face. The hurt from the past thirty-two hours twisted like a knife in my gut. I smacked his hand away and marched ahead of him.
"Tav? Hold on just a moment -"
"You must me Master Szarr!" A lovely and melodic voice interrupted Astarion. "And you! You must but the lady of the manor. Oh, wonderful to meet your acquaintance, Lady Tav." A young dragonborn woman stood before us, her rows of viscous teeth bared in a smile.
"Ahem. Tav, this is Cera. She's going to show us another possible studio," Astarion muttered through a false grin.
"Oh. Wonderful," I rolled my eyes and refused to meet his piercing gaze.
"Yes! Wonderful!" Cera could sense the animosity between us but wasn't about to blow this sale.
We were led around the corner and into a small building carved into the seaside mountains. The outside was a pale sandstone that matched its surroundings. I stepped inside first, and although I didn't want to give Astarion the satisfaction of finding possibly the most perfect place, I had to admit, this might have been the one. The walls were painted in coral pinks and sunshine yellow, with a few large windows that went around the entire room, which was only about the size of our current bedroom. It would be the perfect amount of space for just my artwork and me.
"As you can see, we have some glorious windows looking out to the sea, with the sun setting in your view every night for the next hundred years! Isn't it gorgeous?"
"It's fine," I commented, crossing my arms and taking a step toward the windows. Seeing the small cottages and entire fleets of boats out along the shore, seeing the people mill about their day... it felt like this was where I was meant to be.
"Well, not everyone is a sucker for a good view," Cera laughed nervously. "We also have the newest thing - indoor plumbing! No more pots left to stink up the washroom."
"We have that at home, don't we?" I asked Astarion, smirking at the frustration in his eyes. He had hoped I would like this one, and my distasteful remarks were smacks to his ego.
"Ah yes, well, there is also the tiled floor, which is made completely out of mermaid scales!" Cera smiled wildly, looking between Astarion and I with growing discomfort. "Ethically sourced, of course."
"I'm allergic," I lied.
"What is wrong with you?" Astarion growled at me.
"Me? What's wrong with me?" I snapped back at him. "I'm not the one dragging down the entire day. If you didn't want to come along, you could have just said."
"Excuse me? You needed me today, there's no way you would have found your way without me," Astarion argued, cheeks flushing. "I set all of this up at your request - I singled out places I thought that you would like, I took your measurements for the tailor. I wanted to do this with you today."
"Well, it sure didn't seem like it, Astarion." I was on the verge of crying.
"Look, I think we might need to settle things down a bit," Cera tried to quietly intervene, tugging on Astarion's elbow.
"Leave us, Cera!" Astarion shouted at the dragonborn, and she squeaked before running out and shutting the door behind her. With her gone, Astarion grabbed my chin and yanked me toward him, but I shoved out of his reach.
"What did I do, Tav?" His arms were held out in front of him in a pleading fashion. "Help me understand. First it was the kissing - "
"We did not do any kissing the past two nights. You wouldn't even touch me!" I yelled at him. "I wanted today to be fun, but you've been an ass since the sun came up this morning. What did I do to deserve this?"
Astarion stared at me with bewildered eyes. "You're falling out of love with me, Tav - I think I have the right to be pissed off."
"Gods, help me," I pinched my nose between my fingers to alleviate the oncoming headache. "What in the realms do you mean?"
"You've never said no to a night of lovemaking. No one has ever said no to me before," he said, annoyance emphasizing every word that he uttered.
"So, you're upset with me because I wouldn't have sex with you two nights ago?" I chuckled, despite myself. "Because I don't offer my body at every chance I get, that makes me undeserving of you? Like that's somehow all that I'm worth?"
"No, that's not what I -"
"Fuck you, Astarion."
I began to walk away but he grabbed me around the waist faster than I could register what was happening. I fought against him with fat tears in my eyes that blurred my vision. I opened my mouth to shout for Cera, but his hand cupped over my lips to block out any sound.
"Now, now, love, there's no need for that," he murmured into my ear. "Now, I need you to listen. Can you do that for me? Just for a moment?"
I nodded my head yes.
He turned me to face him and with gentle hands brushed the hair and tears out of my face. "You know I love you. I love your body. I love your heart, most of all," he whispered. "I realize now that I've been causing you the same unease that I've been feeling these past days."
"Why have you been so unkind to me? You say you love me, but I haven't felt it, Astarion", I cried. "You were drunk, and I felt uncomfortable, like I was going to be taking advantage of you. You were so intoxicated, you could barely walk, I didn't want you to not remember taking me."
"We're such fools," Astarion shook his head and sighed. "I'm not used to being turned down. I think for me, sex gives me a sense of worth. It makes me feel important to you. People don 't discard what's important to them." He kissed my bare shoulder. "I envisioned Gale taking you back to Waterdeep, away from Baldur's Gate and away from me."
Astarion's lips found their way to my neck and right under my earlobe where my pulse raced.
"I saw him kissing you just like this," Astarion whispered, his hot breath igniting my skin. He nipped at my jaw and while one hand played idly with my breast through the dress I wore, the other trailed down to my hip bone and I was putty in his embrace.
"He knew that I watched from afar, but he teased me with you, Tav," Astarion careful lifted up the hem of my skirt and slid a hand underneath, reaching my crotch under the thin skirt. He began to rub his hands in circles, and the heat from the anger I had earlier felt, instantly turned to lust.
"I watched him slide in and out of you." Astarion sucked on my neck and stuck a finger up my aching hole, pushing in and out with ease - letting me know that my body was ready and eager.
"And Gods, Tav, you looked so sexy, so utterly delicious," Astarion's hand left my breast and circled my throat, then squeezed, suddenly cutting off my airway. "I had to kill him."
He pinched my clit, and I came all over his fingers, wetness soaking through my underwear and my thighs shook with pleasure. Astarion released his hold on me just as the door reopened and Cera poked her head through.
"What are our final thoughts on the place?"
"We'll take it," Astarion said, giving me that smoldering grin of his.