So, here are the results of the ‘Best Heartbreaking Chapter’ category. Congratulations to those who win, and congratulations to those too who participated. I hope nobody gets demotivated. These types of opportunities help us to improve more.
➷ Please take the judge's opinions as advices. Don't disrespect your judge.
➷ Don't unfollow the Judge, the community or the host. It will lead to your entry in the blacklist.
JUDGE : Myrddin ( mxtsuro )
I would like to thank the judge for such detailed and honest reviews that will definitely help the contestants to improve.
“Reviews”
The First Draft by ineedsomesleeptoday (36/50)
o Character: 7/10
o Emotional Impact: 7/10
o Realistic Element: 7.5/10
o Writing Style: 7/10
o Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Review: Greetings, my name is Myrddin, your humble troubadour of Avalon! In the twelfth chapter of "The First Draft" by the author ineedsomesleeptoday, we are presented with an intricate and emotionally charged narrative. The chapter commences by introducing us to the protagonist, Spencer, as he arrives at his humble abode, which he shares with his brother, John. The initial interaction between the two siblings is portrayed in a manner that reflects the familiar dynamics often observed among real-life brothers and sisters. The chapter begins by shedding light on the complex emotional landscape of Spencer, whose disposition is tainted by a deep-seated melancholy. This pervasive sadness is later revealed to be a result of a traumatic memory involving the tragic demise of his three closest friends: Mike, Jayden, and Sarah. The story then delves into the unfolding of events as a minor dispute arises among the four characters, including Spencer, during a celebratory gathering following a significant event for their band. Spencer's announcement of his acceptance into an international school for higher studies triggers a sense of unease and concern among his best friends and bandmates, who fear the implications this decision might have on the future of their group. This underlying tension serves as the catalyst for a series of events that culminate in a tragic car accident, claiming the lives of all involved, except for Spencer himself. The aftermath of this devastating incident has left him with an overwhelming sense of self-reproach, as he continues to blame himself for the untimely deaths of his late companions, referring to himself as a "murderer." The author's ability to weave together the complex emotions and intricate relationships of the characters in this chapter is truly commendable. The narrative effectively captures the essence of human nature and the societal influences that shape our lives, allowing readers to empathize with the characters and their circumstances. While the structure of the chapter is well-crafted, it could have benefited from a more in-depth exploration of the setting and the use of vivid descriptions to evoke stronger emotions in the reader. In summary, the chapter demonstrates an impressive command of the English language and presents an engaging narrative structure. Nevertheless, the incorporation of additional descriptive elements could have significantly heightened the emotional resonance and contributed to a more immersive reading experience for the
audience. Concurrently, I think improving the story's pace can lead to a smoother narrative progression. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of the chapter's context without creating a hurried atmosphere.
An instance where implementing the "show, don't tell" rule of writing could enhance a narrative is:
Instead;
In the midst of a fateful moment, a calamitous event unfolded before their very eyes. The once gleaming car, now a twisted wreck, bore the brunt of the horrific accident. As the world seemed to halt, Spencer, miraculously unscathed, attempted to free himself from the confines of the crumpled vehicle. Meanwhile, Sarah, trapped within the cacophony of shattered glass and metal, let out a blood-curdling scream, her voice echoing through the air, pleading for assistance. Alas, Spencer's energy, drained by the shock of the incident, proved insufficient to carry out her desperate request. With all his might, he endeavoured to pull them both from the wreckage, but his efforts bore no fruit, leaving them both entangled in the tragedy that had befallen them.
DISCLAIMER: Kindly take note that the following rewrite is merely an example, inspired by Myrddin's writing style; every writer has their own unique approach.
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Forever is the Sweetest Con by Rosecherry2602 (35/50)
o Character: 7/10
o Emotional Impact: 7/10
o Realistic Element: 7/10
o Writing Style: 7/10
o Overall Impression: 7/10
Review: It is I, Myrddin, your flamboyant ward! Come with me to Camelot. Rosecherry2602’s chapter titled “The One” from her book “Forever is the Sweetest Con” presents a captivating KPop fanfiction centred around the relationship between Kim Aera and Jeon Jungkook. The chapter begins with Kim Aera’s introspective monologue, written in a prose-like manner, as she eagerly awaits BTS’s concert performance. One notable aspect of the chapter is the skillful use of figurative metaphors, which adds a distinct imagery to the unfolding plotline. Personally, I found this metaphorical application to be a strong point of the chapter. As the chapter progresses, the initial paragraphs provide insights into Kim Aera’s point of view, gradually building up to a pivotal revelation that she intends to share with her beloved. This revelation is portrayed as something that will forever alter their relationship. The chapter initially establishes a lighthearted tone but takes an unexpected turn towards the end when Kim Aera confesses her father's disapproval of their relationship. She also reflects on how Jeon Jungkook has become the guiding light in her life, igniting a flame in her heart and soul that she had never experienced before. This newfound love is contrasted with her seemingly predetermined fate, manipulated by those around her, particularly her father. The concluding part of the chapter depicts the inevitable and bittersweet separation between the two characters, with both clinging to a glimmer of hope. Technically, the chapter is commendably written in English, although there are a few typographical errors scattered throughout, which will be highlighted below. The characters portrayed in the chapter can be relatable to those who have experienced the challenges of young love within the constraints of strict families, conservative households, and socio-economic divides. The author deserves praise for showcasing common obstacles that arise from past connections. Overall, Rosecherry2602’s chapter “The One” in “Forever is the Sweetest Con” offers a brief exploration of the complex dynamics between Kim Aera and Jungkook, skillfully weaving together emotions, revelations, and societal barriers.
A brief excerpt from the original chapter, showcasing some of the most common typographical errors present throughout the chapter;
SIDE NOTE: The orange circles have been used to highlight specific phrases that require further refinement or editing, while the purple circles indicate unnecessary commas that have been placed immediately following a certain word. The red markings, on the other hand, are indicative of layout issues within the text. The blue arrow is simply to put pinpointing the missing article between “were” and “complete”.
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House of BTS Imagines by CJ_parkjennykim (34.5/50)
o Character: 7/10
o Emotional Impact: 8/10
o Realistic Element: 7/10
o Writing Style: 5.5/10
o Overall Impression: 7/10
Review: Here comes Myrddin, your friendly neighbour! Sit with me inside my spire while sipping a warm cup of tea, shall we? In the vast expanse of KPop fanfiction entries, CJ_PARKJENNYKIM has contributed a captivating narrative with her book, "House of BTS Imagines". The chapter titled "Like Crazy" is a fascinating exploration of the Jimin x Y/N ship, exhibiting a seemingly innocent exterior that belies a far more complex and profound inner narrative. The chapter commences with an engaging portrayal of Jimin, immersed in a dream-like state, indulging in sweet fantasies about Y/N, his beloved. This vivid depiction of Jimin's internal struggle, his preference for the fantasy over the harsh reality, is a poignant reflection of human nature. It is a profound exploration of our innate tendency to seek solace in illusions when confronted with the harsh realities of life, a psychological escape mechanism that many employ to cope with distressing emotions. As the narrative unfolds, the reader witnesses Jimin being roused from his reverie by Taehyung, a stark reminder that reality is inescapable. The chapter subtly hints at the shared emotional turmoil within their group, following Y/N's demise, adding layers of depth to the narrative. The chapter concludes with a heart-wrenching scene at Y/N's grave, where Jimin lays bare his emotions, still unable to accept the loss. The storyline, although somewhat conventional, effectively evokes a powerful emotional response. The theme of loss and grief is universal, and the narrative's realistic portrayal resonates deeply with the readers. From a technical perspective, the chapter could benefit from some refinement. There are several instances of minor typographical errors, including issues with capitalization, layout, and punctuation, along with major grammatical errors. These technical issues, while not detracting significantly from the overall narrative, do interrupt the reading flow and could be corrected for a smoother reading experience. Moreover, the narrative structure could be enhanced by incorporating more descriptive language, particularly in emotionally charged scenes, to intensify the sense of angst. Such embellishments would add depth to the narrative and create a more immersive experience for the reader. Despite these technical shortcomings, the chapter's overall concept is commendable. The storyline is well-conceived and effectively communicates the emotional turmoil of the characters, making it a compelling read. In conclusion, "Like Crazy" is a bittersweet, emotionally charged chapter that, despite its clichéd storyline and minor technical flaws, successfully captivates the reader with its realistic portrayal of loss and grief.
A brief excerpt from the original chapter, showcasing some of the most common typographical errors present throughout the chapter;
SIDE NOTE: The orange circles have been used to highlight specific phrases that require further refinement or editing, while the purple circles indicate unnecessary commas that have been placed immediately following dialogue. The red markings, on the other hand, are indicative of layout issues within the text. Additionally, the cyan arrow marks the capitalization error, plus the yellow squares connote missing punctuation marks.
An example paragraph from the original chapter that displays a very lengthy sentence with no full stop;
Instead;
In that singular, heart-stopping moment, he yearned for nothing more than to surrender himself to the mesmerizing luminescence of this otherworldly sanctuary. His senses yearned for the intoxicating sweetness of Y/N’s lips against his own, an elixir that would offer him a respite from the tormenting reality of her absence. A wave of poignant longing, an insatiable thirst for her tangible existence, coursed through his veins, pulsing at the very epicentre of his being. It was a raw, visceral sensation that unleashed a torrent of tears, tracing a path down his cheeks, each droplet a testament to his profound longing. As Y/N reciprocated his kiss, he was catapulted into a realm of blissful oblivion, a sanctuary where his emotions teetered precariously on the precipice of fragility, threatening to shatter into a million pieces at the slightest provocation. The euphoria was so potent, so overwhelming, that it felt as though he was in a perpetual freefall, caught in an eternal moment of exquisite surrender.
DISCLAIMER: Kindly take note that the following rewrite is merely an example, inspired by Myrddin's writing style; every writer has their own unique approach.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
I Do Believe in Your Galaxy by NivethaBaranikumar (31.5/50)
o Character: 6.5/10
o Emotional Impact: 6.5/10
o Realistic Element: 6.5/10
o Writing Style: 5/10
o Overall Impression: 7/10
Review: Myrddin is here to read you an endless spiel of epic journey all about the land of Faes! NivethaBaranikumar gracefully introduces readers to a captivating KPop fanfiction with the book “I Do Believe in Your Galaxy” that revolves around the enchanting relationship between the esteemed characters Kim Taehyung and Y/N. Within the realm of this chapter review, our focus is drawn to the chapters that evoke the deepest wells of sorrow within the narrative, namely Chapter 37 and Chapter 38. Chapter 37 unveils a narrative technique that delicately weaves together the perspectives of the two main protagonists. While this technique possesses the potential to enrapture readers, it may have inadvertently disrupted the seamless flow of the story. The chapter commences with Kim Taehyung’s tumultuous nightmare, which serves as a poignant catalyst for the revelation of Y/N's tragic past. This revelation strikes a resounding chord within him, as he comes to the painful realisation that he had remained oblivious to the profound depths of Y/N’s traumatic experiences throughout their sacred union as husband and wife. The chapter deftly explores the theme of family, as Y/N courageously unveils the chilling tapestry of her upbringing. Within the fabric of her narrative, we bear witness to the absence of familial warmth, the haunting spectre of an absent mother, the emotional chasm created by a distant father, and the weight of an older brother burdened by the weighty mantle of severe mental health issues. This intricate tapestry of familial strife resonates deeply with readers who have traversed similar landscapes, particularly those hailing from underdeveloped or developing nations. Furthermore, the chapter subtly touches upon the theme of bullying, as Y/N candidly recounts the disheartening reality of being ensnared in superficial friendships, forged solely on the foundation of her perceived wealth. This all-too-familiar experience strikes a chord with individuals who have found themselves entangled in relationships that lack genuine connection, where they are reduced to mere pawns in a materialistic game. Chapter 38 ventures further into the depths of Y/N’s past, unearthing concealed secrets that cast a sombre shadow over the narrative. Y/N bares her soul, revealing the intimate intricacies of her experiences with her father and older brother, casting light upon her brother’s descent into the abyss of cannibalistic behaviour. We stand witness to the harrowing threats that she faced and the subsequent manipulation of justice through the corrupting influence of wealth, as her father employed financial means to stifle the issue when the authorities became involved. This chilling revelation serves as a stark reminder of the unfortunate reality that money possesses the power to bend the scales of justice. The chapter culminates with the impending return of Y/N’s older brother from Germany, casting an ominous pall over the narrative, foreshadowing a sense of impending doom. These two chapters deftly navigate the labyrinthine complexities of family dynamics, particularly within the cultural tapestry of Asian households. The stark juxtaposition between the warmth and unconditional support emanating from Kim Taehyung’s family and the fractured dysfunction inherent in Y/N’s blood relations adds layers of emotional depth and resonance to the story. While the contextual exploration within these chapters is undeniably captivating, there exists an opportunity for refinement in the execution. For instance, a more immersive storytelling approach, such as the incorporation of carefully crafted flashbacks, could have heightened the impact of the narrative, allowing readers to immerse themselves fully in the tragedy that unfolded. In terms of realism, the story deftly establishes connections to real-life experiences, albeit with certain elements that may solely resonate with a select minority of readers. The inclusion of Y/N’s backstory, while treading familiar ground, serves as a poignant reminder of the indomitable power of personal history in shaping present relationships. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that both chapters suffer from a plethora of grammatical and typographical errors, ranging from the omission of possessive pronouns to inconsistencies in punctuation. Additionally, capitalization errors, particularly with proper nouns, detract from the overall reading experience, momentarily diverting the reader’s attention from the profound narrative unfolding before them. Despite these minor flaws, the author should be commended for their valiant effort in seamlessly intertwining the threads of Y/N’s past with her present relationships, creating a tapestry of emotional depth and complexity that captivates readers.
A brief excerpt from the original chapter (CH37), showcasing some of the most common typographical errors present throughout the chapter;
SIDE NOTE: The orange circles have been used to highlight specific phrases that require further refinement or editing. The red markings, on the other hand, are indicative of layout issues within the text. Additionally, the cyan arrow marks the capitalization error, plus the yellow squares connote missing punctuation marks. Meanwhile, the green circle is simply pertaining to article mistakes. The black circle is signifying an error with spacing.
Her Cursed Prince by ParkAaimin (35.5/50)
o Character: 7/10
o Emotional Impact: 7/10
o Realistic Element: 7/10
o Writing Style: 7.5/10
o Overall Impression: 7/10
Review: Welcome ladies and gentlemen; Myrddin here at your service! ParkAaimin presented readers with her fanfiction titled “Her Cursed Prince”, featuring an original character paired with Kim Seokjin. In Chapter 1, titled “The Lonely Prince,” the narrative begins from the perspective of the male lead character, delving deep into his personal backstory. Kim Seokjin, our protagonist, describes his daily routine and solitary existence in the depths of a desolate forest. Despite his luxurious surroundings, he lives a solitary life due to an unknown curse that has plagued him for some time. The author skillfully portrays how this constant loneliness has shaped his worldview, highlighting the profound sense of helplessness that accompanies his acceptance of his fate. The theme of loneliness explored in this chapter is one that resonates with many readers, as it reflects the fast-paced nature of our daily lives and the societal divisions that often leave individuals feeling isolated and misunderstood. Kim Seokjin reflects on the fact that he is loved for what he possesses rather than who he truly is, a sentiment that many can relate to, especially those who have experienced being taken for granted. The author also explores the character’s coping mechanism through art, which serves as a relatable outlet for many readers. The introduction of Moon Suah, a secret fan of Kim Seokjin’s work, adds a glimmer of hope to the narrative. When she sends him a letter expressing her admiration for his art, it marks the first time someone has acknowledged his existence, leading to an emotional response from the protagonist. This moment serves as a turning point for Kim Seokjin, as he finds a newfound sense of hope and purpose. Overall, Chapter 1 serves as an introductory backdrop for the main characters, primarily focusing on establishing Kim Seokjin’s premise. The themes of exclusion, loneliness, and isolation are skillfully woven throughout the chapter, allowing readers to empathise with the characters’ experiences. The command of the English language used in the writing is commendable, with the author demonstrating a solid grasp of the fundamentals. However, there are a few typographical errors that could be addressed. Additionally, it is worth noting that the chapter relies more on narration than on literary devices that could further enhance the impact on the audience. Incorporating more “show” rather than “tell” elements could elevate the storytelling and engage readers on a deeper level. Nevertheless, the author should be applauded for a strong start to the story.
A brief excerpt from the original chapter, showcasing some of the most common typographical errors present throughout the chapter;
SIDE NOTE : The orange circles have been used to highlight specific phrases that require further refinement or editing. Additionally, the cyan arrow marks the capitalization error, plus the yellow squares connote missing punctuation marks.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
In Another’s Shoes by ParkAaimin (33.5/50)
o Character: 7/10
o Emotional Impact: 6.5/10
o Realistic Element: 7/10
o Writing Style: 6/10
o Overall Impression: 7/10
Review: In a world of Fae and sorcery, Myrddin is I, the pinnacle of wizardry! In this critique, I will be delving into a more comprehensive analysis of two specific chapters, namely “The Blood was Crimson” and “Crimson Cradle”, from the book “In Another’s Shoes” by ParkAaimin. This narrative is an intriguing Jeon Jungkook x Y/N fanfiction, which has been submitted as a contest entry. The narrative primarily revolves around the diary entries of a character named Aaira, whose body, for reasons undisclosed in the aforementioned chapters, seems to have been inhabited by Y/N, our principal female protagonist. “The Blood was Crimson” is a chapter that unfolds from the perspective of Y/N, and it distinctly illustrates her reaction to the unveiling of Jeon Jungkook’s backstory, as revealed through Aaira’s diary entries. These entries provide a glimpse into the disarrayed psychological state of Aaira, as she grapples with the harsh reality of Jeon Jungkook’s true identity, a man she believed she had known her entire life. The diary entries explore the depths of Aaira’s emotional turmoil, characterised by a profound sense of betrayal, anxiety, fear, and unease. The narrative subtly implies the dark past of Jeon Jungkook as a mafia boss, which prompts Aaira to question everything she thought she knew about him and their relationship. The plot takes an unexpected turn when Jeon Jungkook’s family is introduced in the later parts of the diary entry. The revelation that Aaira is pregnant with their child triggers a strong reaction from Jeon Jungkook, who takes the news to heart. The diary entry concludes with the heart-wrenching scene of Aaira attempting to end her life, along with the life of their unborn child, following a heated argument with her husband. The subsequent chapter, “Crimson Cradle”, opens with another diary entry by Aaira, now being read by Y/N. This chapter elucidates the aftermath of the suicide attempt, revealing that both Aaira and her son, Aimin, have survived. Jeon Jungkook’s mental instability becomes increasingly apparent in this chapter, as evidenced by his borderline possessive attitude towards his child, and his threatening demeanor towards Aaira. These two chapters skillfully portray the blurred lines between a subtly abusive relationship, dark familial ties, and the fragility of the human condition. However, from a technical standpoint, there is room for improvement in the transition between Y/N’s perspective and Aaira’s diary entries to enhance the overall flow of the narrative. Additionally, the chapters contain numerous capitalization errors, particularly with proper nouns, along with minor issues related to missing or misplaced punctuation marks. The structure of the dialogues possesses a huge room for improvement as well, altogether with the descriptiveness of the settings to further build the world around the characters. Despite these minor technical flaws, these chapters successfully depict the complexities of family life and the intricate dynamics between a husband and a wife, adding depth and richness to the narrative.
A brief excerpt from the original chapter (CH12), showcasing some of the most common typographical errors present throughout the chapter;
SIDE NOTE : The orange circles have been used to highlight specific phrases that require further refinement or editing, while the purple circles indicate unnecessary commas that have been placed immediately following a certain word. Additionally, the cyan arrow marks the capitalization error, plus the yellow squares connote missing punctuation marks.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Inseparable by Angelic_Maddness (38.5/50)
o Character: 7.5/10
o Emotional Impact: 7.5/10
o Realistic Element: 8/10
o Writing Style: 8/10
o Overall Impression: 7.5/10
Review: Here I am, Myrddin, ready to sprinkle a bit of pixie dust over the world beyond the citadel of Avalon! As a preface to this critique, I would like to extend a cautionary note to potential readers: the content of this review delves into explicit elements of the narrative which falls under the erotica subcategory. The piece under scrutiny is an entry for the contest, penned by the author known as Angelic_Maddness, titled “Inseparable”. This analysis will concentrate on two specific chapters from the book: “Anastasia: Part Seven” and “Ava: Part Four”. The protagonist of the story Is a centuries-old immortal vampire named Gabriel Andrei Dascalu, and the narrative unfolds in a bygone era, a detail that plays a significant role in the two chapters under review. Both chapters probe the darker side of immortality, the perpetual existence that involves witnessing the demise of mortal loved ones, a poignant reminder of the fragility of human life in the grand scheme of existence. The exploration of the poignant experience of witnessing the end of a life through the lens of death is a universal theme that resonates with both the fictional immortals and real-life mortals alike. “Anastasia: Part Seven” traces the journey of Anastasia, affectionately referred to as “Ana”, and her beloved Gabriel as they traverse the globe, creating ephemeral memories and sharing transient stories across different geographies and eras. Their shared experiences encompass a spectrum of emotions, from adventurous to sensuous. The first half of the chapter narrates their adventures spanning Asia to Europe, while the latter half grapples with the looming demise of Anastasia, who falls ill with influenza. Historically, influenza was a deadly disease, and in keeping with this reality, Anastasia succumbs to it, leaving Gabriel heartbroken. However, he vows to seek her out, her soul, affirming their inseparability. Next, we turn our attention to “Ava: Part Four”, a chapter that adopts a more intense tone. The narrative delves into real-life anecdotes pertaining to the atrocities of the World War II Holocaust, particularly the sexual assaults inflicted upon women prior to the genocide. The chapter begins with Gabriel witnessing the suppressed memories of Ava, who endures the traumatic loss of her family, followed by multiple sexual assaults during the war. The narrative revolves around Ava’s repressed memories, with Gabriel and other characters like Gladys, Dr. Petrov, and Tatiana attempting to concoct a magical potion to erase these horrific memories. The chapter reflects the harsh realities of war, not just the Holocaust, but the universal human experience of war, where innocent bystanders become unwilling victims due to the complex interplay of socio-political factors. From a technical standpoint, I scrutinized the chapters for potential issues, but found the writing to be meticulously proofread, devoid of noticeable grammatical or typographical errors. The command over the English language demonstrated by the author is commendable. However, I believe that a touch more descriptiveness, perhaps through the addition of some figurative language, could enhance the overall narrative, making it more appealing to those who appreciate a more prosaic style. Despite this minor critique, the chapters present a unique blend of fantasy and historical elements, likely to resonate with history enthusiasts.
NOTICE: In consideration of potential sensitivities, Myrddin has made the decision not to include any excerpt screenshot for this review due to many of them have been known to depict a spectrum of mature content that could potentially trigger certain viewers.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
“Results”
➷ First Position
Angelic_Maddness for “Inseparable”
➷ Second Position
ineedsomesleeptoday for “The First Draft”
➷ Third Position
ParkAaimin for “Her Cursed Prince”
➷ Rewards will be distributed soon.
➷ Heartiest congratulations to everyone. If you want the certificate and sticker by Pinterest (in case, you use a laptop), then dm me... ♥