Adora's POV
TW: Self harm
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Recently I've been having nightmares. They haven't been this bad since i broke up with Marina. Usually nightmares are normal but i keep having them every time i sleep, even when i don't mean to. They keep making me have accidents and I have to go to the laundry place every day. I do not know what's wrong with me. The worst part is they are about Kiara and Vernie, they take advantage of me when im little, just like how Marina did. It makes me scared-er to regress infront of them but i have a little bit before, and i know they wouldn't do that but i still feel worried about it.
Tomorrow is my birthday and i hope im feeling better soon. I feel like I want to cry. This usually happens when I hold everything in. I miss Kiara and Vernie. I'll call Kiara.
"Hey baby."
"hey." I like hearing her voice.
"What are you doing?"
"..." I stay silent. "i don't know." I'm starting to slip because im not feeling well. I've been laying down for hours.
"What are you upset about?"
".."
"I'll be over in a little."
After a little while Vernie opens my door. I forgot to lock it. She sits beside me and moves my hair out of my face. I thought Kiara was coming.
"What's wrong princess?"
"i don't know."
"Do you want to go for a ride in the car?"
"no."
"We can get McDonald's."
I love McDonald's but i just can't get up.
"not hungry."
"That's okay. Do you want to go to the mall?"
"no..lithium." I think I might have to take my medication again.
"Lithium? Is that what you want?"
I nod.
"Okay, I'll get it for you princess."
Vernie waits until Kiara is here to leave. Even though I said I didn't want to go out, Kiara is still making me.
"no!! i don't want to change. i don't want to go outside."
"It will help you." She makes me go to my bathroom with her and takes my clothes off.
"i don't want bath."
"You love baths."
She puts me in the bath then gets in with me. At least im not by myself. I lay my head on her chest. The water does feel nice and warm.
"How long has it been since you've stopped taking your medicine?"
I shrug, I can't remember that far back.
"More than a year?"
I nod. I didn't think Id need it anymore.
After our bath, she makes me go outside with her. We walk around campus for a while, and I feel a lot better than before. I show Kiara my favorite place. Behind the dorms there's an opening in the woods and it leads to a bunch of flowers in one spot. But around it there aren't many flowers that grow. That's why I like it so much, it's weird.
"its cool right?"
"Do you come here often?"
"yea. its quiet, th-that's why I like it so much."
"You should always tell someone where you are before coming here. So you'll be-"
A lady comes out of nowhere and she looks down at me. She's very pretty. I usually always see her around here. I thought she was a staff or something.
"hey Adora, come with me, i have a present for you."
Her voice is raspy, like she has been smoking since she was born.
"what's the present?" I love presents!!
"Baby, let's go."
Before i could get the chance to get my gift, Kiara takes my hand and makes me leave.
"i wanted my present!!"
"She wasn't going to give you one. She was lying."
Vernie's car parks right infront of us and Kiara puts me in the backseat before getting in the passenger. I still want my gift.
"where are we going?"
"Have you eaten today?"
"no."
Vernie drives to a McDonalds drive thru. I really don't want to eat but im hungry. After we go through the drive thru she hands me a happy meal. I've always loved McDonald's. I open it and take out the toy inside, it's Princess Peach from Mario! I haven't got this one before. She's so cute. But they didn't order anything.
"why didn't you order anything?"
"I don't eat fast food."
Well now i just feel fat.
"then..then why did you get me some?"
"Because you haven't eaten today."
How many calories are in this? I guess I'll just search it up later. I eat some of my fries, but that's it. I don't want to eat too much.
"your making me feel fat."
"I'm not trying to. And you're not fat, stop saying that."
"do you want me to lie?"
Kiara turns around and gives me a look. A look that screams 'don't talk back.' I'm quiet for the rest of the ride, nobody told me we were going to Kiara's house. I don't mind that much, I love her house. Her bed is so much more comfortable than my bed. And it smells like her.
We get out of the car and I'm tired from all of that walking and eating so I go upstairs and lay on her bed. Vernie comes in later and gives me pills and a sippy cup with water in it. It has a unicorn print on it, I love it. I take the pills and I was going to go to sleep but I don't want to have another nightmare and an accident. I go to the bathroom, lock the door, and stare at myself up close in the mirror.
Why do Kiara and Vernie even date me? I'm the most un-perfect person ever. I wish I was less like me. I used to think something was wrong with me because before I dated Marina, nobody wanted to date me. Now I know something is wrong with me, but I don't know what it is. Maybe my weight? Or how I act like a child? My face? My mind? My body shape? Maybe it's all of those things.
I pull up my sleeves and rip off the bandages from my wrists. Now it burns but that's the point. I didn't realize I was crying until someone wiggled the door knob. I wipe my tears, pulls down my sleeves, throw away the bandages and cover it with toilet paper.
"Baby, we don't lock doors."
I unlock and open the door. "sorry m-..Kiara."
"Don't do it again. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
I reach my arms out to her and she picks me up. I wrap my legs around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder. She takes me to a room I've never seen before. It has a light yellow wallpaper with pastel balloons all over it, there's a closet full of clothes, a chest with toys in it, and there's a bed. It's a bed that looks like a toddler bed but it's bigger, for grown ups. Kiara sets me down on the pink, sheet covered mattress and puts the soft, pink covers over me.
"i don't want to sleep."
"Why? You need a nap."
"ill-ill have nightmares again." I can't live through the embarrassment of me peeing myself in my sleep.
"I'll read you a story, so you won't have them."
"okay."
She pulls out a drawer from the nightstand desk thing and hands me a pacifier. It's pink and glittery and has a unicorn on it, I kind of feel embarrassed but I feel like I need it right now. Then she pulls out another drawer and gets a book. As Kiara reads to me I feel my eyes closing.