Pagod akong ngumiti at kumaway kina Stella, Macky, Jaguar, at Hubert nang nai-drop nila ako sa entrada ng condo tower nina Kuya at Claire. I saw my bodyguard's SUV subtly overtook the parked Benz van of my team and drove away. Bumungad din naman agad si Andres at ang isa niya pang kasamahan mula sa gilid at pumwesto na sa may likuran ko. I thought they all went back to ECG to go get my car from its basement since I instructed them to do so. I'm so tired already to do it myself. Maga-alas onse na rin at gusto ko nang magpa-hinga.
"Good night, team!" I tried to still give them a lively wave. They all beamed at me and Macky then closed the door and the van took off. I sighed.
Pumihit ako upang pumasok na. I saw Andres and his colleague silently standing near the entrance door. I looked up at Andres when I got closer.
"Si Perez? Paano iyon makakabalik?" I asked. Galing sa pirming pag-titig sa kung saan ay bumaling ang mga mata niya sa'kin. Tila robot. He wasn't like this when I first got them. Ngayon ay parang ingat na ingat.
"Uh, pagkatapos pong mai-drop yung mga kasamahan niyo sa hotel nila ay didiretso siya patungo sa ECG. Dun niya iiwan ang van ng kompanya at sasabay na kina Baltazar pabalik dito." Anito. Kumunot ang noo ko.
"Baltazar?" I stared at him intently despite my heavy and tired eyelids.
"Ah, eh, 'yung kumuha po ng sasakyan niyo dun sa ECG. Hihintayin nila si Perez." He nodded professionally and looked away. Napa-buntong hininga na lamang ako at tumango bago tuluyang nag-lakad papasok upang maka-uwi na.
I don't know what that asshole imposed on my bodyguards and the seriousness of it but judging by the sudden change and firmness of Andres' behavior kind of already explained it all. Poor working men. They must have been so scared to fumble this job after that prick pulled some strings in their agency.
Napapa-isip tuloy ako dun sa gagong 'yun nang naka-akyat na at nasa kwarto na ako habang nagski-skin care at nag-hahanda na sa pag-tulog.
Bigla ba namang nilagnat? Ang arte. Ang emedora. Ang daming ganap. For all I know, it's all just the same old tricks. And I'm already too good to fall for it again.
I can't forget all that he pulled earlier this day. Everything that's said by him. Every cries... Every display of emotions.
Emotions that were very absent in him many years ago. Emotions that I never fully witnessed or even thought he would be capable of ever showing. Without any trace of restraint. Without any inhibitions.
And it challenged me so much, I admit that, because the old me that was with him years ago really never would have thought of seeing him like that at all. That despite my current disposition in life, and my deep resentment towards him, my present self still didn't see all that coming. And I hate how there were few swift moments earlier that I almost wanted to soften. And I had, and probably will have, to always painfully numb myself down so I can pull my shit together and prevent myself from weakening.
Na kahit pala ganoon ka ka-galit sa isang tao, may sisilip at sisilip pa ring konsensya at awa sa'yo. And I would have never forgiven myself if I really did let myself give in and freely cry inside the van when I learned that he was sick and I decided to leave him behind.
Buti na lang... At nag-matigas pa rin ako. Kahit... Kahit hanggang ngayon eh may konting awa pa ring lumulusob sa sikmura ko.
Umirap na lamang ako nang natapos sa ginagawa at humiga na sa kama. Thankful that I don't have to deal with that man again until Monday next week and I'll have all my time to myself this weekend. I can't see him yet after today. That was draining. A very very ridiculously faith shaken day. And all I need now is a revamp.
Kaya naman kinabukasan ay inabala ko ang sarili sa pakikipag-bonding sa munting pamilya ko. I was happy to see a lively and back to his usual self Apollo when I came out of my room for brunch.
Maingay ang nursery rhyme videos sa TV sa living room habang nanonood ang cute na si Ace. Naka-higa ito sakaniyang portable baby bed at tahimik lang naman. I don't even know if it's advisable for a baby that old to already watch YouTube but I'm glad that he was far enough from the TV.
Nilapitan ko ito at hinalikan sa pisngi ngunit dinedma lang ako. I chuckled before leaving him alone and strut towards the kitchen. Doon ko nakita ang lambingan nina Apollo at Claire na nag-hahanda ng brunch namin sa lamesa. Natigil sila nang nakita ako at dun nga ako nasiyahan nang nakitang maaliwalas na ang mukha ni Apollo.
"Anak niyo nag-back tumbling na dun kanina tapos nandito kayo at nag-lalampungan. Buti nasalo ko." Bungad ko sakanila at sabay na namilog ang kanilang mga mata. I smirked.
"Seryoso, Aps? Ace?" Si Claire sabay takbo sa sala. Ganun na rin sana si Kuya kaso agad niyang nakita ang natatawang mukha ko kaya tumigil at sinamaan ako ng tingin. Oh, how my brother knows every bit of me from head to toe. After all, he's witnessed me growing up and vice versa. It's a sibling thing, I guess.
"Hampasin ko 'yang mukha mo, eh. Pinagtitripan mo anak ko." Aniya. Mas lalo akong tumawa at lumapit na sa island counter at nag-timpla ng gatas. Inirapan ko siya.
"Sus. Buti naman at back to normal ka na. Lakas mong nag-hibernate sa loob ng kwarto niyo parang ilang taon kitang 'di nakikita, eh." I joked. While I know that it may be a sensitive topic to joke about but he knows me. We love each other very much but we don't express it through sugary words and emotional moments. The first and last time we did that was when he sent me away in the bus terminal for Baler.
He smirked and shook his head. Nameywang ang kanan at itinukod ang kaliwang kamay sa island counter. He watched me make my drink.
"Unlike you, I'm more resilient. Faster, actually." Ganti niya. I gasped and looked at him horrified. This asshole! Akma ko siyang tatapunan ng takip ng garapon ng gatas.
"Tang ina mo." Tanging na-sabi ko na lang. He sneered but I noticed how he intently stared at me.
"Talagang tang ina kasi ba't wala akong narinig sa'yo na nagta-trabaho ka na pala sa gagong ex mo?" Taas kilay niya. I instantly felt my face paled and looked away. Inikot-ikot ko ang kutsara sa baso ng gatas ko. Oh, fuck.
"Who told you?" Mahinang sabi ko. Na-bahag ang buntot. Shit. Nasaan na 'yung chararat kong sis in law!
"Who told me? Really? Akala mo talaga 'di nagre-report sa'kin 'yang mga bodyguards mo?" Tanong niya at umayos ng tayo. I inhaled deeply and took a sip of my milk before facing him. I sighed in defeat.
"I just didn't want to disturb you from fixing what you needed to fix. Sasabihin ko naman. Plus, it's very under my control. I can handle it now." I said with an assuring tone. His brows arched. Looking very sarcastic and condescending.
"Your control, huh. Is that why he's got you under his employ now? Locked in and blackmailed." Tuya niya. Napa-irap na ako.
"Not in his employ, Apollo. V mag appointed me to this project where he happens to be the subject. This won't be long. And I'm not locked in or blackmailed or manipulated. It's the other way around this time." I said with angst in my voice, trying to sooth and assure him.
This is my fucking brother talking! I need to be dead serious. Especially about this matter. Of all people, siya iyong dapat kong panginigan kapag iyong sira ulong iyon na ang pinag-uusapan. He's done and invested in me too much that his opinion should always have been the only one I'd consider. Pero tapos na nga, heto na ako. His recent work problem was an inappropriate time for me to bug him about my issues again.
"And he happens to be a major stockholder of that V damn mag. Which technically makes you his employee. How did you let yourself fall in this trap..." He groaned and walked towards the dining table. Nakita kong pumasok si Claire at nag-aalalang tiningnan kami. Oh, gosh.
"Hindi nga mag-tatagal, Kuya. 1 to 2 months lang ang duration. Or even shorter. Konti na lang at matatapos na rin ang contract ko sa V mag. You know I can't terminate it and put my own company at stake. You're a businessman yourself." Sabi ko. Umupo siya sa kabisera ng lamesa at uminom ng kape. Nilapitan siya ni Claire at binulungan, parang kinukumbinsi rin. She then smiled at me apologetically. I smiled back to assure her I'm not taking this against her.
"And you really think you can get away after that? You really think Tyson is that dumb to let you just be? Apple, your newly acquired power and resources pale in comparison to his! Tingnan lang natin kung tatantanan ka pa nun." Iling-iling niya ulit. I sighed and walked towards the table. Umupo ako at nag-simulang mag-sandok ng pagkain.
"I know, Kuya... But I also would have never agreed to this if I didn't gain much confidence that I have the upper hand this time. Isa iyon sa mga nag-tulak sa'king tumuloy bukod sa business aspects. I've seen it with my very eyes how weak and regressed that man is now. Under na under. Very controllable. I am now the winning party." Sabi ko. Bumunghalit siya ng tawa na siyang ikinagulat ko. Pati si Claire nagulat. I felt so offended but fuck! Kinakabahan talaga ako kapag si Kuya na!
"Corny mo talaga, Apple. That's how he may be is towards you now but behind it? The things that he can still do to manipulate things in his favor? Don't be blinded by that bullshit 'under-underan' comedy he shows now. Alam ko, Apple, dahil nasaksihan ko ang mga ginawa niyang ex mo nung umalis ka. That man is even more powerful than a local politician!" He spat. I closed my eyes tightly.
Damn. So much for being happy with seeing him lively and back to normal now. Back to normal nga naman talaga. Back to sermon si akes. Jusko.
"See... This is why I didn't tell you this. You were having your own dilemmas and some family problems, too. What kind of a sister am I had I really inserted myself in the picture and have you more stressed because of me?" I asked. He sighed and nodded at Claire who's still standing beside him, caressing his back. Tumalima rin naman agad si Claire at umupo na rin.
"Pwede bang happy happy na lang? Aga aga nanga-award ka na agad. Tawa na lang po tayo." I cracked a joke after a long silence. Claire wasn't able to hold her laughter so I laughed more too. Hayy, buti na lang talaga at kasundong-kasundo ko 'to si Claire. Support talaga lagi kahit minsan napapa-gitnaan na siya namin ni Apollo.
"Nagka-anak at asawa lang ako, Apple, pero hindi ako tumigil sa pagiging Kuya mo. Papatay ako anumang oras kapag ikaw nasaktan na naman. Pero parang gusto mo talaga yata akong maka-patay, eh, kasi pinag-dudutdutan mo talaga sarili mo sa makakapanakit sa'yo." Aniya at nag-iwas ng tingin. My heart instantly warmed at that. Si Claire rin ay napa-labi.
I wanted to get emotional with him so bad because of that but I also didn't really want to spoil our morning and his comeback era. Eme. Kaya pinili ko na lamang na e-sustain ang pangpe-playtime bilang balanse sa mabigat na usapan naming ito.
"Bibisitahin naman kita sa Bilibid. Dalhan kita toothbrush at toothpaste." I grinned and made a silly face at him. Claire laughed again.
"Tang ina mo, diyan ka magaling, sige. Huwag kang makinig sa'kin..." Seryoso pa ring sabi ni Apollo pero alam kong nayayanig na rin 'yan sa mga biro ko.
Like I said, he's no longer very aggressive and mad about a Tyson topic anymore unlike before. Now that he's a family man, he gets to somehow take this lightly. Maanghang nga lang mag-salita at sermon pa rin pero hindi na tulad nang dati na halos mag-wawala na kapag nagpapaka-tanga na naman ako.
"Sige na, Kuya, nandito naman na rin lang ako, tatapusin ko na lang. Tapos uuwi na'ko ng amerika pagkatapos. Dalhin ko si Ace, ite-train kong maging model ng Unapplegetic." I added. Papa-subo na sana siya ng pagkain nang sinabi ko iyon at halos tumakbo ako nang duruin niya ako ng bread knife.
"Tang ina mo, Apple Neone! Quotang-quota ka na sa'kin. Pinag-bigyan na kita. Wala akong lalaking kapatid lumaki. Let me finally have a man in my life for fuck's sake! I fucking let you ditched it!" Aniya at bahagyang nangingiti. Tumawa na lamang ako at hindi na siya nilaro pa.
I spent all day just playing with Ace and chismisan with Claire. Buti nga rin at walang silang lakad kaya naging tila family day na rin ang Sabado'ng iyon.
Kinabukasan nang Linggo ay nag-simba kami. We attended the morning mass. Bitbit lahat ng bodyguards at wagas kung maka-mando si Apollo sa mga ito na maging vigilante. I just eventually understood him. Maybe it really is men's nature to be protective of their family.
Nang naka-uwi sa bahay after ng simba ay bigla akong nasa mood mag-luto. It's been so long since I cooked happily and willingly. Na-isip ko ring mag-handa ng mga rekados upang ipag-luto ang team ko bukas ng Lunes. Dadalhan ko sila ng pagkaing pinoy na homemade sa opisina.
Ang lala nga nang naging chismisan namin ni Claire dahil tinulungan niya ako. Matapos naming naihanda iyong mga rekados ng lulutuin ko bukas ng umaga eh nagulat ako sa biglang sinabi ni Claire.
"Magdi-dinner na pala. Anong uulamin natin, Sis? Parang gusto ko ng Bistek. Nagki-crave ako lately." Nguso niya habang nag-huhugas ng mga plato.
Napa-tigil ako sa pag-tatapon ng mga balat ng gulay sa basurahan at napa-lingon sakaniya. Waves of memories gushed over me. I shut my eyes tightly and disregarded the thought. She doesn't know it was his favorite. Stop, Apple.
"Gaga ka, buntis ka na naman ba? Teh, awat ka naman sa kaka-sakay sa burat ng Kuya ko. Ang bata bata pa ni Ace, oh." Patutsada ko. Sumabog ang halakhak ni Claire at tumili. I giggled too and continued throwing all the mess to the trash bin.
"Bibig mo, Apple! Nakakaloka ka! Buti na lang 'di pa nakaka-intindi si Ace." Aniya. I continued chuckling.
"Pero sige, ako na maglu-luto. Basta gumising ka rin nang maaga bukas at tulungan mo'ko." Sabi ko. She grinned and nodded happily.
So ayun nga, kahit masarap naman ang Bistek ko pero sobrang pait pa rin ng nararamdaman ko habang naghahapunan kami. Hindi ko talaga ma-iwaksi nang todo todo. Since I left home, I never looked back and thought of this dish again. Or even thought of eating it again. Ngayon lang. Kaya tang ina lang talaga at bakit may mga bagay pa ring kahit kay liit eh ang hirap hirap kalimutan.
Inaya ko na lang si Kuya ng inuman pagkatapos ng dinner para mamaya sa pag-tulog eh hindi na ako kung saan saan maligaw na naman sa mga iniisip. Nasa sala kaming lahat at naka-upo sa sofa habang umiinom kami ng Jack Daniels ni Kuya at si Claire naman ay nagpapa-dede at tulog kay Ace.
Leche talaga. Kahit itong iniinom namin ngayon may naaalala ako. Pero dahil mas common ko namang nakikita ang JD lalo na sa US eh hindi masyadong naging mapait ang loob ko. Unlike that dish...
I still managed to sleep peacefully that night. Grateful that despite Apollo's rage in learning my current set up with my ex now, he still was calm and was not pushy about it anymore. And I know he trusts me, somehow. I did my best to show him I'm not gonna be that old Apple anymore even after reuniting with my retarded ex. Kasi alam kong konting tanga-tangahan at rupok lang ang maipakita ko sakaniya, baka mas lalo lang siyang tumutol. So with that, I cannot afford to disappoint him especially now. All for my Kuya...
At confident naman din ako roon. Totoo naman. Nakakaya ko na. Hindi na ako madaling madala. Nayayanig minsan, oo, pero nakaka-bangon at nakakapan-laban ulit. Apple Neone 19-20 years old could never. Purr.
Kaya naman nang nag Lunes ay nang na-iluto, nakapag-handa at pa-ganda na ako, ay ganda-gandahan at confident na confident akong pumasok ng opisina. I thanked Claire for preparing the big paperbag containing all the food that we cooked while I took a bath.
"Good morning, Ma'am." Bati ni Benjamin nang nakarating ako sa opisina ni Tyson. I still loathe the fact that I'm really gonna have to share office with him.
"Good morning, Benj." Sabi ko. Maga-alas nuebe pa lang naman at maaga pa. Wala pa nga ang team ko. Wala rin si Tyson. Tumaas ang kilay ko.
"Nakaayos na po ang office table niyo at lahat nang kakailanganin niyo. Pasensya na at natagalan." Ani Benj habang nag-lalakad kami patungo sa dulo kung nasaan ang mag-katabing table namin ni Tyson.
"It's okay, Benj. Buti naman at nagta-tagalog ka pala. Akala ko AI ka, eh." Biro ko. Nakita kong nanigas ito sandali at tila hindi alam ang ire-react. I chuckled at him. Masyado ka yatang takot sa boss mo. Hindi bale, Benj, simula ngayon, ako na ang boss mo. Ninyong dalawa ng boss mo.
"Ah, opo. I just choose to talk in pure English when Engineer is around. He mostly converse with us here in English." Aniya. Mas napa-taas ang kilay ko habang nilalapag sa ibabaw ng malaki at malapad kong office table ang bag at ang malaking paperbag ng pagkain. Parang teacher sa umaga na kaka-pasok lang sa faculty. Emee.
"I see. Where is he? What time does he usually comes in?" I asked while arranging my stuff. Acting nonchalant about my nosy question. Sana hindi ito chismoso sa boss niya, nakuu.
"Uh, usually around this time too. But today he'll come in late. Still recovering from fever." Benj stood in front of me like a robot. Dagdag ko na lang din kaya 'to kina Andres. Team robot.
"Oh? Okay. Anyway, I brought food for lunch. Huwag ka na bumili at marami 'to para sa'tin ng team ko." Ngiti ko. He timidly smiled at me and bowed respectfully. Jusko naman, Kuya, mas thunder ka pa sa'kin. Ginawa mo naman akong Buddha.
"Thank you, Ma'am. I will be just in the floor below. You can use this intercom if you need any help." Anito at tinuro ang intercom sa table ni Tyson. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up.
Nang na-iwan na ako mag-isa ay napa-buntong hininga ako. Ang tahimik at ang lamig. Nage-echo pa ang boses ko sa sobrang laki ng palapag na ito na ginawang opisina lang ng damuhong iyon. Parang mauubusan ng space, eh!
Inabala ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa kaka-trabaho sa harap ng Laptop ko. I checked a lot of emails, pending papers, and the draft of the article and what we have worked on it so far.
Nang nag alas dyez ay napa-tayo ako at na-isip na baka nandito naman na sina Stella. Sa ibaba kasi talaga sila pinwesto ni Tyson kaya medyo inis ako nang bumaba sa palapag nila.
Nagulat ako nang bumungad sa akin ang maraming tao na abala at palakad-lakad sa bungad ng palapag. May hilera ng maliliit na office na puro glass wall at door din ang division. At sa gitna naman ay square na porma at hilera ng mga cubicles. Kulay dark blue ang halos accent ng mga furniture at kagamitan sa buong palapag. Kagaya ng office ni Tyson, ang palapag na ito ay walang mga dingding na pumapagitna at pasikot-sikot. It's like an open area for their employees. Nakikita mo ang lahat na nagta-trabaho. Kahit iyong mga office sa gilid na may glass doors, kitang kita ang mga nasa loob na mga may managerial role yata.
"Apple, here!" Tawag galing kung saan. Nahagilap ko si Stella at Macky na kumakaway. I instantly smiled at excitedly walked towards them.
"Team! I'm so happy and excited for this week! Are you all fine here?" Tanong ko nang naka-lapit. Agad tumango-tango si Stella.
"Akla, ang bongga ng espasyo namin rito! Bongga 'yang si Papa Tyson mo, ha! Galante!" Baklang-baklang aniya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at muntik na siyang na-kurot kaya napa-ngisi siya at peace sign.
"Ay, sorry. Sorry lang naman. Pero, Apple, ang laki ng brainstorming table namin! Tapos may kanya kanya pa kaming office table rin. At own water dispenser and coffee maker!" Tuwang tuwa niyang sabi. Macky went closer to us and gave me a beso beso. He nodded as if agreeing. I craned my neck to see the boys and as usual, they have their own world, setting up some sort of equipment for work.
Mula sa entrada ng palapag na ito ay nasa may kaliwang bahagi pinwesto ang team ko katabi ng glass wall na overlooking ang syudad din. Malayo dun sa gitna kung saan puro cubicles at tila mga Engineers, Interns o kung ano ano pa ang naka-pwesto.
I talked to them and discussed about our agenda for today. More on editing lang naman kami dahil maghi-hintay pa kami sa susunod na go signal ni Benjamin ukol sa availability ni Tyson for another interview. His schedule must be that packed that we have to only wait for him. Nag-article pa siya!
Nang napanatag naman ako kalaunan sa kalagayan ng team ko rito ay nagulat ako nang may nahagilap na pamilyar na mukhang papalapit sa kinaroroonan ko. Naka-black blazer ito at may bitbit na folder.
"Oh my gosh, Kim?" I called. Napa-baling ito sa'kin at nanlaki ang mga mata. She almost shrieked. I giggled.
"Apple?! Oh my fucking... Gosh! Look at you!" She excitedly ran towards me and we hugged each other so so tight. It's been years!
"You work here?" I asked. She nodded.
"Yes! Gosh, it's been years! Why didn't you graduate with us in Ateneo, huh? Gaga ka, you vanished!" She chuckled. Tumawa tawa lang rin ako kahit napaka-controversial ng question na 'yun. I acted cool and jolly.
"Napa-galitan kasi ako nina Mom at Dad, eh, pina-uwi ako ng states para asiksuhin ang lumulubog na naming kompanya. Eme!" I giggled. She loudly laughed this time and stomped her feet in pure fun. Gosh, Kim and Lorrie were the first ones I got friends with when I transferred to ADMU. And between the two of them, she's the one who has a similar personality with mine. Nakakaloka! Ang liit ng mundo!
"I'm happy to see you here!" Sabi ko.
"Me too! I'm the senior recruitment specialist here. You? Bago ka lang ba? Parang hindi dumaan profile mo sa'kin, ah." Aniya. I shook my head and grinned.
"Hindi, gaga, I'm working in a Magazine company. I'm here to write an article about ECG. This is my team." Sabi ko. Nakita kong abala na silang lahat kaya hindi na naka-bati si Kim at ngumiti na lamang.
"Wow! Ang taray! Halika nga, dun tayo sa office ko. We have to have so much talking to do!" Aniya at hinila ako patungo roon sa hilera ng office na may glass walls at doors. Binuksan niya ang pinaka-una at nakita kong sakto lang naman ang space sa loob.
Nakalimutan ko ang oras at panahon at nalibang ako sa pakikipag-usap kay Kim. She's got a family now too but she looks exactly the same. Tuwang tuwa siya kasi ang ganda ganda ko na raw ngayon. Dinagdagan niya naman na maganda naman na raw ako kahit noon pa kaya hindi ko siya na-tadyakan. Chariz.
Napunta kami kalaunan sa nature ng trabaho niya at kung ano ano ang mga ginagawa niya as Senior Recruitment Specialist. Isa raw siya sa mga final na dadaanan ng mga applicants.
"Katulad nito, may iinterviewhin akong tatlong Engineers na lumilipat ng bakod. I know one of them pa nga, eh. Schoolmate natin noong college. Classmate ng isa sa mga boss, si Tyson." Kwento niya habang ipinapakita ang laman ng hawak hawak niyang folder kanina. Mga CV pala iyon ng mga iinterviewhin niya today.
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya at tiningnan ang tinuro niyang applicant. It took me a while to scan the face of the man and when I finally recognized him... My lips parted.
"Familiar, 'di ba? Okay naman ang credentials niya. Plus, dating schoolmate pa. I'm considering him than the other two." Patuloy ni Kim habang may sinusulat na sa kung ano. My mind went black. Parang tumahimik ang buong paligid.
I still remember all of it. Everything they said. Him and his 'Engineering Gang'. I can still vividly remember how I cried so hard in the bathroom after watching and hearing everything. And how much it hurt me and how painful it was for my heart while I tried so hard to dismiss it and chose not to talk about it at all.
I looked up at Kim and smiled.
"What time is the interview? Who's first?" I asked. Bahagyang lumulutang na ang isip sa mga bagay bagay na tumatakbo rito. Mundo nga naman... Bilog.
"Eleven. He's first. It's okay, we still have 17 minutes." Kibit balikat niya at nag-patuloy sa pagta-type ngayon sa computer niya. I nodded.
"Here? Will he come inside here?" I continued. Tumango si Kim nang hindi ako tinitingnan. A smile slowly formed in my lips.
I fell silent for a couple of seconds before sighing. I intently looked at Kim before calling her attention.
"Kim... There's something that I need to ask from you. A favor. A very important favor. It's about reclaiming what was stolen from me years ago. Healing what was broken in me..." I started.
Napa-tingin si Kim sa'kin at kunot noong napa-tigil. She nodded.
"Okay... What is it?" She asked. I smiled and shared to her the whole story. Pure disbelief and shock displayed all over her face. At kitang-kita ko pagkatapos ang palipat-lipat niyang tingin sa'kin at sa CV noong taong iyon.
"But that's very dangerous, Apple. A grave offense if caught. It will cost me my job." Aniya. Tumango ako.
"I know. That's why I need you to just trust me because you're just in safe hands with me. Akong bahala sa'yo. Hindi ka mawawalan ng trabaho. I just need this... To avenge myself. Your classmate from years ago..."
Pinisil ko ang mga kamay niya at dahan-dahan siyang tumango. She then shut her eyes tightly and grinned at me.
"Punyeta ka, nae-excite ako kahit delikado! Galingan mo, ah! Pa-iyakin mo rin sa banyo!" Aniya at lumabas na ulit ang pagiging fellow Claire variant niya sa'kin. I giggled excitedly too.
Nag-usap pa kami nang ilang minuto bago pumatak ang alas onse at lumabas na si Kim. Siya na raw ang tatawag sa aplikante.
At ako naman, para mas may dramatic effect, umupo na sa swivel chair ni Kim at itinalikod ito para hindi agad ako makita ng aplikante pagkapasok niya. I grinned.
It's another playtime...
Hindi nag-tagal ay tumunog na ang glass door at humalimuyak ang panlalaking perfume. My smile grew wider.
"Good day, Ma'am." Kibo nito.
Oh... That voice. One of those voices... I've heard you once again, huh...
Dahan-dahan kong pina-ikot ang swivel chair at nang tuluyang nai-harap ako nito sa lalaking naka-tayo sa harapan ng table ni Kim ay ngumiti ako. Nang pagkalapad-lapad.
"Good day, Mr. Javier! Please have a seat!" Giliw na giliw kong bati at lahad sa upuan. He smiled at me but I saw how it gradually died down. Like he's slowly recognizing me...
Yup, I'm that girl. The woman you called 'He'.
"We've been meaning to see you again for your final interview! Please, make yourself comfortable." Alok ko ulit. Napa-lunok siya at hilaw na napapa-ngiti bago dahan-dahang umupo sa chair sa harap ng table. Napa-tingin ako sa buong outfit niya.
Oh, wow. With all that damn suit and tie. Only to be...
I smirked and pretended to click on something in Kim's computer. Jusko, at nage-Excel pala ang gaga.
"T-thank you, uh, Kim... Kimberly Española?" Patanong niyang sagot. I raised a brow and smoothly switched my eyes from the computer screen to him. I smiled again and nodded.
"Yes." I confidently said. He gulped again. He looked away as if he's contemplating about something. And then he turned to me again.
"Aren't you Apple? From college?" Ma-ingat niyang tanong ngunit halatang gulong-gulo na siya. I sneered.
"What? Are you gonna 'misname' me too?" I asked sweetly. Kitang kita ko ang pagkaka-tigagal ng mukha niya. Funny how one of the people who misgendered me years ago can afford to look flabbergasted right now.
"I'm sorry. I don't understand." He apologetically said. I nodded while still giving him a kind yet condescending smile.
"Of course you don't. You really don't. Right?" I asked and then slowly transitioned my facial expression from welcoming to very unwelcoming.
"I apologize—"
"You don't know how an unkind, uneducated, and tactless opinion about people you know nothing about could permanently leave a deep scar in their lives. A scar that may heal, but stays..." Simula ko.
Kumunot ang noo niya at napa-ayos ng upo. He fixed his tie and gulped again.
"Hey, I know you, okay. I know you are Apple. Kilala ko Kuya mo. We're friends." Aniya at ngumiti na nanginginig ang labi. I nodded. He said it as if it will make everything okay. As if it's a cheat code. Unfortunately, it's not. Never.
"And do you also know what would my Kuya do to you if he learns about how and what you and your friends called me years ago? If you're truly a friend of his?" I asked. His face is now so pale. I can literally see small beads of sweat in his forehead despite the very cold temperature of the AC. Oh, the satisfaction of these all...
"That was years ago, Apple... We were young and... I'm sorry." Napa-yuko siya at tila hindi na alam pa kung anong idudugtong roon. Ano nga ba, 'di ba? Nothing could ever justify transphobia. Period.
"Right. That was years ago. And yet, look, that's all still inside me. Stabbed deep down. I appreciate you apologizing. It's very kind of you. But you may have never apologized and be sorry at all had we not face each other like this. Trapped in a situation like this. You and your other friends... Whom all have yet to apologize, too." I smiled and sighed. He looked away and his forehead started to redden.
"Please, I'm here for work... I'm applying. Can I speak to Miss Española, please." He said after seconds of not being able to answer me. I nodded and opened Kim's folder. I looked down on his curriculum vitae. Hmm...
"Sure. We can talk about work, Mr. Javier..." I raised his CV up and squinted my eyes as if reading it. I then put it down so I can look at him again and read him, too.
"I've checked your CV and I really can say you have enough credentials fit for the role. However, the other candidates have way more promising credentials fitting for it too." I started. His face paled even more. You really think I don't call the shots now, huh? I do and you don't need Miss Española. I am Miss Española!
"The only thing you have that's bigger than what they have is your transphobia..." I continued reading him to filth. I saw how red veins started to appear in each corner of his eyes.
He must have probably dreamed and planned transferring to ECG so much, huh? For him to act like he's going to cry any minute. Gosh. I could only imagine how upsetting it will be to lose the chance you have for such a giant and prominent construction company. Your very own field.
I, of all people, know very much how fulfilling it feels like to have doors opened for you. Alam ko. At gugustuhin ko rin iyong maranasan ng iba. Ngunit minsan...hindi kabilang roon ang mga nakapag-sara ng pinto para sa iba. Those who have slammed doors for inclusivity. Those who refused to share equal rights with the minority.
And sometimes... We have to turn around and do it to them, too. We have to slam doors on their faces too. To make them feel how it's like. How excluding it feels like.
So... while I may really have the ability to open doors, I also have the power to close some too.
And today is it. That's it today. A door has been closed. By a woman. A trans woman. Pre-op and post-op. From past, present, and future... We can, too. We will, too...
'Oh, spare me, Jerro!'
I can still vividly remember and hear his other remarks from that old live video many years ago. That's what he said, huh...
"Gross, isn't it? To be denied the opportunity because of personal reasons?" I calmly asked. He looks so pitiful now. Couldn't even look at me straight in the eye anymore.
I sighed and put on my genuine smile again to him. Letting go of all the hatred, grudge, and bitterness from all of these.
"You don't have to worry, I am sparing you from the hell you would experience in this company. So, yeah, Bam... you are spared." I smirked. Finally saying his name.
Yes, that's right. Say his name. Bam.
I smiled genuinely one last time at his troubled face before standing up. Nilagpasan ko siyang naka-upo at tila tulala na sakaniyang upuan. Mas lumapad ang ngiti ko nang sinalubong ako ni Kim sa labas lamang ng pinto.
"I got you." I winked at her. She sneered and went inside. Bago pa man ako tuluyang naka-layo ay narinig ko na ang sinabi niya kay Bam.
"We deeply regret to inform you that we have decided to proceed with the next applicant, Mr. Javier–"
Iyon lamang at tuluyan nang nag-laho ang boses niya. I smiled in satisfaction as I feel how euphoric that all was.
Binalikan ko ang team ko at inaya nang umakyat sa office ni Tyson para sa lunch. They all got so excited and trained behind me like baby ducks.
Nang naka-akyat pabalik sa itaas ay natigilan ako nang nakitang naroroon na si Tyson sa harap ng table niya. Naka-tayo at hindi mapakali. Mabilis siyang napa-lingon nang marinig ang ingay namin.
"Hi, Engineer!"
"Good afternoon, Engineer!"
Bati nila kay Tyson. His knitted forehead calmed down and smiled languidly at them. He then turned his eyes back to me. Only on me.
"Good afternoon, Team. How are you all? Hope you had a nice weekend." Nag vibrate yata ang dibdib ko sa baritonong boses niya. Tila naninibago dahil dalawang araw ko ring hindi narinig. Wait, what? Tumigil ka, Apple Neone.
"Oh, we had lots of rest, indeed. We decided not to tour around and party as what we originally planned. Will probably move that next weekend." Si Jaguar ang sumagot at maangas na tumango kay Tyson. Tila close na close na silang dalawa. Maangas ring tumango si Tyson at ngumisi. Napa-ismid ako. Bird of the same...
"Yeah, yeah, you should. With partying, uh, let me know first. Especially if it's with the whole team. I'd arrange it for you." Ani Tyson at bumaling pa sa'kin nang binanggit ang 'whole team'. Desisyon na naman si akla. Jusko.
"Whoa, thanks. Appreciate that, bro." Sagot ni Jaguar. Nahuli ko ang pag-siko sakaniya ni Stella. Jusko, Jaguar, ha. Akala ko Team Apple ka eh Team Damulag ka pala. Hala, eh, dun ka na at mukha ka rin namang si Nobita. Emeee.
Tyson chuckled and turned to me again. Mapupungay ang mga mata. I looked away and passed by them so I can prepare our food.
"Oh, by the way, Engineer, are you fully recovered now? We were worried about you when we learned you suddenly had a fever." Si Macky naman ngayon ang umeksena. Napa-lingon talaga ako habang inilalabas ang mga aluminum trays ng ulam, kanin, salad at isang pasta. Echoserang bakla talaga 'to.
"Oh, that. Yeah... I'm fine now. Don't mind it." Tyson lowly and awkwardly chucked. As if he was caught off guard by the question. He's not the type to be very open about his life. More so about the instances wherein he was weak and fragile.
Sinasagot niya lang nang mabuti at mabait ang team ko kasi nandito ako. Kung iba at ordinaryong empleyado niya lang ang nag-tanong nun ay baka hindi niya man lang babalingan. Oh loko, manira ng tao ang agenda natin today!
"Team, Benj, let's eat." Tawag ko na sakanila. Nakita ko si Benj na kakapasok lang at may bitbit na extra'ng plastic table. He placed it in the middle.
"Tulungan na kita, akla. Baka ma-binat ka at lumabas ulit ang mga muscles mo." Ani Stella at tumawa. Kanal na kanal talaga 'to pero naiinis ako kasi hindi rin ako maka-ganti ng kanalan dahil taray tarayan mode si ate niyo kapag nandiyan ang balasubas. Tahimik na lamang naming inilipat ang mga food trays sa plastic table sa gitna at binigyan sila isa isa ng paper plates at utensils.
"Huy, ayain mo si Engineer!" Mariing bulong ni Stella. Agad akong sumimangot at umirap.
"Ayoko nga."
"Hala, gaga 'to. Boss natin 'yan! Mapapa-layas tayo nito nang wala sa oras, eh." Giit niya. I chuckled.
"Ba't tayo mapapalayas eh umiiyak 'yan kapag nilalayasan." Bulong ko habang pinapanood sina Jaguar at Hubert na pina-una namin sa pag-kuha. Macky was busy taking pictures of the food.
"Ano? Bakla, ano?" Naguguluhang pang-uusisa ni Stella ngunit iniwan ko na siya upang lumapit ulit sa lamesa.
"This is a lot, Apple! What restaurant is this from?" Manghang sabi ni Macky. Nahagip ng mga mata ko sa likuran niya si Tyson na nasa office table niya pa rin. Naka-tayo lang at nagmamasid sa'min. I noticed the darkness of his under eyes. And he looked gloomy. May sakit pa ba siya? Kaya talaga na late? I shrugged it off.
"I cooked these. My delayed welcome treat." Ngiti ko. Nakita ko si Benj sa gilid na tahimik lang din at nag-hihintay na matapos sina Macky.
"Benj? Pwede ba tayong mag-tawag ng iilang employees sa baba? The utility? Paakyatin natin dito. Marami talaga akong dinalang pagkain, eh." I asked. Agad itong umayos ng tayo ngunit bumaling kay Tyson. Tila nag-hahanap ng permiso. Oh, right. God.
"Go ahead. Utility." Tipid na tango ni Tyson. Agad tumalima si Benj.
"Engineer, kain na po tayo!" Aya ni Stella ngunit nanatiling naka-titig lang si Tyson sa'kin. I gave Stella a look. I told you so...
"Hey, Apple, I think you got this mixed up here. Is this yours?" Tawag ni Macky sabay itinaas ang isang tupperware na maliit. Kumunot ang noo ko at lumapit upang kunin iyon.
"Yeah, probably..." Lito kong sabi dahil hindi ko naman ito dinala. Pero ang tupperware ay familiar. Sa kusina ni Claire ito.
Bumalik na lamang ako sa office table ko upang iligpit iyon sa bag ko. Sinilip ko ang laman nito at nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang nakitang Bistek at kanin ang nasa loob! Leftover kagabi! Nanatili namang ma-ingay na kumukuha ng pagkain ang team ko roon.
Nang nasa table ko na ako ay agad kong naramdaman ang pag-lapit ni Tyson. Oh, jeez. Here we go again. At least, nakapag revamped naman ako kahit papaano at ready na ulit sumabak sa kontrabida roles. Nasimulan ko na nga kanina, eh. Charot.
"Hey... Good afternoon." Malumanay at malambing na bulong ni Tyson na tumigil sa harap ng lamesa ko. He stared at me intently with languid eyes. This man still looks sick!
"Afternoon." Tipid kong sabi habang binubuksan ang Birkin ko. Taray, 'di ba. Na mine ko lang sa live dahil mabilis ako mag screenshot. Eeemmzz.
"How are you? You cooked all those? Did you carry all of it?" He worriedly asked. Muntik akong mapapikit sa inis na hatid nang malambing at magaspang niyang boses. He's unusually soft spoken today.
"What do you think..." I answered sarcastically. He sighed and put his hands inside his pockets. He's wearing navy blue trousers, a cream polo shirt inside, and a deep blue coat. I looked away.
"I'm sorry. I got late. Just feeling under the weather today." Aniya tila nagpapaliwanag at nagu-update. Huh? So?
"It's fine."
"I missed you, Buttercup..." He whispered. Nanindig ang mga balahibo ko habang ramdam na ramdam ko ang puno ng emosyon niyang boses at sinabi. Mabuti na lamang at na-ipasok ko na ang tupperware sa bag ko. Handa nang umalis.
"Engineer, come grab some! Apple..." Tinig ni Macky. Jusko naman. Ayaw kaming tantanan. Etong si Stella talaga panigurado!
"B..." Tawag niya. Hindi pinapansin ang mga tao sa likod.
"Excuse me. Babalik na ko roon." Sabi ko at umikot na sa harap ng lamesa ngunit hinarang niya ako.
"Inaya na nila ako. Ikaw... Ayaw mo ba akong ayain?" He softly said, lips slightly pouting. Iyong hindi sadya. His lips just naturally curled as if mirroring his emotions. Gustong pansinin. Amuin. Lambingin.
Hello? Nahihibang ba siya? Duh. Kumain ka kung gusto mo. Daming arte.
I tried to pass by him again but he blocked me. He sighed and caressed his forehead. Looking so defeated.
"Alright. I'm sorry... I just can't help but feel jealous seeing you feed other people but me. Cooked for other people but me. People who don't have a slightest idea of how much I've longed and missed your cooking. Your tasty homemade dishes. Your care." He sighed again. Napa-kislot ako nang tumama ang hininga niya sa mga braso ko. At ang init init niyon. What the? Talaga bang hindi pa magaling itong lalaking ito? Shit!
"Don't fight me, please... I know you warned me about jealousy. This is not violent jealousy, Buttercup, I promise. Just... Silly little feelings." He lowly and humorlessly chuckled. At yumuko, tila nahihiya. Still looking and sounding so unwell and gloomy.
And, what? He now seems to really can freely express his emotions, huh? Not just the usual rage and aggressive emotions. He now gets to express his soft, little, and silly emotions. Dapat na ba akong matuwa?
"I guess I still am allowed to feel jealous about little things, yeah? Kahit iyon na lang." He bit his lower lip and looked up the ceiling. He sighed heavily one last time before walking away. Umupo na siya ngayon sa swivel chair niya.
Hindi ko hinayaan ang sariling malunod mula sa eksenang iyon at bumalik na ulit sa team ko. Labis labis ang kabog ng dibdib. Hinimas ko ito upang pakalmahin.
Sakto naman at naka-balik na rin si Benjamin kasama ang mga naka unipormeng utility. Mga may edad nang mga lalaki at babae. I welcomed them and guided them to the table to grab food. Tuwang tuwa sila.
Maingay ang buong opisina habang kumakain kaming lahat. I saw how Benjamin approached Tyson who's silently working on his table to also invite him to eat but I saw how Tyson lifelessly shook his head. His eyes never leaving his Laptop's screen. Bigo na lamang na napa-balik si Benjamin at sumali sa pag-kain.
What's gotten into him? Ang luma-lumanay. Napaka-plastik tingnan. Not even the slightest grumpiness was displayed. I know since we met again, he tries to behave properly when I'm around. Nagpapa-bibo. Pero nakikitaan pa rin siya nang pagka-suplado niya.
Ngunit ngayon, parang naging ibang tao. A whole complete different person. I sneered. I know better. Nilalagnat lang iyan kaya walang lakas mag-angas angasan. Pa-bili siya ng gamot dun sa Eurie niya.
Nag-chikahan pa kami ng mga utility pagkatapos naming lahat kumain at nang nag ala una na ng hapon ay bumalik na ang mga ito sakanilang mga trabaho.
Bumaba na rin ang team ko matapos magpaalam kay Tyson na tahimik pa rin at nag-titipa sa Laptop niya. I noticed how frequent he drinks water from the purple tumbler that he placed just beside his Laptop. Baka naman nagwa-water therapy.
I settled on my chair too and tried to start working as well. Benjamin also have left just a couple of minutes ago. Kaming dalawa na lamang ang nandito.
I tried to brush my thoughts away and focus on working. But minutes and minutes have passed. And an hour and a half now... Still, no pestering and annoying tactics and ridiculous words from him.
Pabaling-baling ako sakaniya kada minuto. Aba! Hindi talaga namamansin. O nagpapa-pansin. Hindi gaya nung mga nakaraang araw. Urgh.
Bakit parang mas gusto kong ganun siya...
No! Punyeta! Hindi! Itigil ang kabaklaan!
I saw him drink water again and shut his eyes tightly. Pagkatapos ay palihim akong nagulat nang nag-labas siya ng gamot at akmang ininom iyon. Naningkit ang mga mata ko upang makita iyon at nalamang isa lang naman iyong Paracetamol. Binubuksan niya ito, parang nahihirapan pa.
He's going to take meds with an empty stomach? Is he really crazy?!
I shut my eyes tightly. Ugh! Apple, please, no! Alam kong paniguradong ganiyan siya kasi lumaki iyang walang tamang aruga ng magulang. Busy ang ama. Wala na ang nanay. He doesn't know how to take care of himself and that's it! You shouldn't feel pity anymore! It's not your obligation at all. Nor even a responsibility.
Mariin akong napa-pikit at bago ko pa man ma-isip nang maigi ang susunod na gagawin, tumayo na ako. Fuck it.
"Tyson Matheus." Seryoso at mariin kong saway nang nakitang nasa palad niya na ang gamot at akmang iinumin na. He turned to me, with eyes tired and adorable. Fuck. Nakaka-inis!
"B?" He innocently asked. I sighed and grabbed the tupperware from my bag. I don't know why this Bistek leftover from last night got here or even think about Claire doing it, but I'm glad I saved this here. Ubos na kasi ang dinala kong mga food trays kanina. I grabbed some clean utensils too.
At pambihira nga naman, 'di ba, at sa lahat eh Bistek na paborito niya pa talaga ang na-tira at ibibigay ko ngayon sakaniya! Baka mas ma-ulol pa lalo. Sheesh.
Nag-lakad ako patungo sa harap ng table niya. Inabot ko ang Paracetamol tablet mula sa naka-bukas niyang palad at ibinigay sakaniya ang tupperware. Maliit lamang iyon pero may kanin na na punong puno ng Bistek sa ibabaw. At least, magka-laman ang sikmura niya. The last thing I want to happen here is to have my boss dead and could not get my paycheck. Oo, uutuin ko muna ang sarili ko.
"Eat and then drink your meds. You're crazy enough already. You can't go crazier." Malamig kong sabi at ipinatong ang Paracetamol sa ibabaw ng tumbler. I gave him the utensils and walked away. Hindi na siya nililingon pa.
Bumalik ako sa Laptop ko at nagabala-abalahan. For the next few minutes, I didn't hear any reaction from him. Kaya sinilip ko nang palihim. Kitang kita ko ang pag-awang ng mga labi at pag-titig niya sa naka-bukas nang tupperware ngayon. Agad akong nag-iwas.
I continued doing nothing on my computer. Scroll scroll. Type type ng kung ano ano. Tapos ide-delete. Napa-buntong hininga ako nang narinig siyang sumusubo na.
Just when I'm about to finally and really focus on working, the sound of a muffled sniff was what I heard next. Tila sinisipon at singhot nang singhot.
Kunot noo ulit akong bumaling sakaniya ngunit mas natigilan nang naka-talikod na sa banda ko ang swivel chair niya. His whole body and chair was facing his left side. I can't see him.
"Tyson." I called. Trying to remain cold in his ears. Mabilis naman siyang lumingon at na-gimbal ako nang nakitang pulang pula na ang mga mata at ilong niya sa pag-iyak na naman. Ang kanang kamay ay hawak ang tupperware at ang kaliwa ay ang kutsara. Punong-puno pa nga ang bibig at ngumunguya pa. Tila umiiyak habang kumakain.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked in disbelief. He swiftly shook his head and turned away again. Not letting me see him. Tang ina!
"Nothing. I... I just m-missed this so much." Mahinang sagot niya.
At buti na lang na naka-talikod siya sa'kin dahil hindi ko nakayanan ang pag-kalabog ng dibdib ko. Napa-sapo ako sa dibdib ko at nanginig ang mga labi. I felt tears threatening to come out from each corners of my eyes but I held on, still. I didn't dare to blink to prevent the tears from flowing.
Tyson still has his back on me and I can still hear him sniffing every other minute. Pumikit ako at mabilis inalala ang lahat lahat. I breathed heavily and when my threatening tears seemed to have retreated, I composed myself again and looked away. Finally started working. For real.
That day was, indeed, gloomy. Pagkatapos kumain at huminahon ni Tyson nun ay hindi naman niya na ako ginulo pa. Tahimik lang talaga siya. Bandang alas dos nang pumasok muli si Benjamin at sinabing dadalo na raw si Tyson sa meeting niya. Kahit nun, tahimik lang din siyang tumayo at sumama kay Benjamin. Nagpaalam lang saglit sa'kin at umalis na.
Hanggang sa uwian ay hindi na bumalik si Tyson. Nagulat na lamang ako nang nag-liligpit na ako ng gamit bandang alas singko eh pumasok si Benjamin at ito na lamang ang nag-sabi sa'king nasa magkaka-sunod na board meetings raw si Tyson at binilinan si Benjamin na ihatid ako pababa sa sasakyan ko.
I didn't know what to feel next after that. So for the next weekdays, I was surprised at how I managed to continue and function like a game character. Bleeding but very void of emotions. Emotions that are overwhelming yet very short lived. And I know that it's because I push them back so hard most of the time. Depriving myself of the privilege to fully express them. Not anymore. Hindi na talaga... Ayoko na.
Pumapasok naman si Tyson kinabukasan nun hanggang Thursday. At talagang naka standby lang muna kami ng team dahil wala pa talagang free time si Tyson para sa susunod naming coverage.
And in all those days, he rarely gets to stay in his office because of so many meetings and outdoor site visits. Very much busy he was. I had to slap myself when I almost felt like he's... He's... No. Fuck.
He still acts very sweet and caring to me naman. Kapag hindi na nakaka-balik ay si Benjamin ang pinapaalalay sa'kin. Kapag napapag-kasunduan namin ng team na mag-lunch sa labas ay hindi muna kami hahayaan ni Benjamin at tatawagan pa ang boss niya. Tapos ay kapag papayag ay sasama mismo si Benjamin sa'min. Hatid sundo ng van.
He would text and ask me how I'm doing. Mga ganun. Kahit hindi ko nirereplyan. Kaya naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil ang tibay tibay ko naman na pero parang kapag matagal siyang nawawala... Parang...
Punyeta. Itigil ang kasal! Emzz.
Today is Friday at maga-alas singko na. Uuwi na ako. Kaninang alas onse pa umalis si Tyson para sa panibagong meeting at hindi na naka-balik.
I sighed and started to walk towards the lift. Magkikita kami ng team sa may Morato for dinner. Today is Friday and they finally decided to go out and dine and drink outside.
Nakakainis nga kasi I don't feel like partying talaga for some reason. Buti na lang at okay lang naman daw kahit sa chill na resto bar lang. Pwedeng sa weekend na lamang kami mag club.
Nakapang-corporate attire rin kasi ako, eh. Hindi ako nakapag-dala ng pang-pokpok na outfitan. Madir na madir ang atake ko today.
Hinatid ako ni Benjamin as usual sa basement at siniguradong maayos akong nakaalis gaya ng utos yata ng amo niya. Sina Andres naman ay naririyan lang rin sa tabi tabi.
Dumiretso na ako sa napiling resto bar namin ni Stella. Madilim na nang naka-rating ako. Nandun na silang apat kaya agad na kaming umorder.
The boys immediately ordered large glass of beers. Nagulat ako nang maypa-live band pala ang atake rito. May kumakantang lalaking vocalist habang kumakain kami ng steak at iba pa.
Mabilis natapos sina Jaguar at Hubert at nag-lalaklakan na agad sa mga beer nila.
"Let's order drinks, too?" Aya ko kina Stella at Macky. Tumango sila kaya nag-tawag kami ng waiter. I ordered whisky while Stella and Macky ordered a Korean liquor.
Tumutungga na kami pagkatapos ma-linisan at ma-ligpit ng waiters ang mga pinag-kainan namin. Mabilis kong nilarok ang baso ng alak ko at napa-pikit at nginig pa. I need this! Stress reliever.
"Good evening, Engineer! Have a seat, jusko." Tila nagulantang na boses ni Stella ang narinig ko kaya agad akong napa-dilat.
And boy, Tyson Matheus, in his fresh sweatshirt and black pants has just arrived and looking like he's ready to join our table. Uninvited.
Ang papa-relax ko na sanang buhay ay na-udlot. Lalo na nang bigyan siya ng chair ng waiter at tumabi sa'kin. I inhaled his manly scent. Tila na-ligo pa yata bago pumunta rito. Naka suit and tie iyan kanina, eh!
"Good evening, Team." Bati ni Tyson at nakipag-fist bump sa mga lalaki. He smiled at the two nosy hoes.
"Good evening, B." Magalang at tipid niyang bulong pagkatapos. Agad kumalabog ang dibdib ko. Nakita ko ang pang-lalaki ng mga mata nila Stella at Macky sa nakita at mabilis na nag-patay malisya upang bigyan kami ng privacy.
"Have you had dinner already? You should've told me. Or Benjamin, if you guys want to eat out and drink. I'd arrange it for you and the team." Bulong niya pa rin. Sumisiksik ang bango sa ilong ko. Jusko.
"We can go out on our own. Don't bother." Sabi ko at nag-salin ulit ng alak. I drank it straight. Bottoms up.
"Tsk. Slow down, B. Hindi ko gusto 'yan, ah." Malambing niyang sita. Oh, fuck it. Just fuck it. I hate this man so much! I really do!
"Why are you here, by the way? You're uninvited. This is a team building. Dun ka sa mga meetings mo." Sabi ko at umirap. I slightly gasped when the lights of the resto bar dimmed down.
I heard Tyson chuckle. Bumaling ako sakaniya na nasa kanan ko at nakitang mapupungay ang mga mata niyang naka-titig sa'kin. Naputol lamang iyon nang inabutan siya ng malaking beer glass ni Jaguar. Ngumisi siya sakanila at maangas na tumango.
"Thanks, men." He said in a boyish tone. The two responded in the same manner. Napa-irap ako.
"I'm sorry. I was just so busy. I had to. I missed you so much too, Buttercup. That's why I'm here. Uninvited but making it up to my baby girl." Aniya habang sobrang lapit ng mukha sa kanang pisngi ko. Umingos ako at inirapan ulit siya. Pilit dine-dedma ang kakaiba at bagong itinawag niya sa'kin.
"Excuse me? Who said I missed you?" Ni-head to foot ko pa siya para dagdag effect. He just lowly chuckled again.
"Alright, alright. Whatever you say. I love you, hmmm." Malambing niyang sabi bago bumaling kina Jaguar at Hubert nang kinausap siya ng mga ito. Ang kaliwang kamay ay naka-akbay at bantay sa sandalan ng upuan ko kahit ang atensyon ay nasa mga kapwa niya lalaki.
Nag-salin ulit ako. Nakita ko sina Stella at Macky na kinikilig at usiserang binibigyan ako ng tingin. I bit my lower lip as I felt my cheeks heat up.
"Kumain ka na, Engineer? Sorry po at hindi ka na namin naaya. Alam kasi namin busy ka, eh." Kausap ni Stella. Ang daldal talaga neto. Hindi nai-intimidate kay Tyson. Natawa na lamang ako.
"Girl, that vocalist needs to come the fuck down." Reklamo ni Macky sabay sassy na inaayos ang imaginary hair niya. Hindi na naka-sagot pa si Tyson.
Napa-tingin din tuloy kami ni Stella sa stage. It's a different guy. Not the vocalist from earlier.
"That's a guest, too, Macky. Guests here can request a song or jam on stage." Sabi ko. He gasped exasperatedly.
"Palitan na nga 'yan si Kuya! Lasing na, eh." Ani Stella at sakto pang nag static 'yung mic kaya napa-ngiwi kami at takip ng teynga.
"Hey? B? Are you hurt?" Nag-aaalalang hinila ni Tyson ang kamay kong nasa teynga at sinilip iyon. Agad kong binawi ang kamay ko at nag-kibit balikat. Oa! Super oa!
Patuloy pa rin sina Stella at Macky sa pagre-reklamo sa sintunadong nakiki-jam sa stage. I was sipping on my drink when I felt Tyson stand up from his seat. Napa-tingala kaming lahat sakaniya. I even saw some of the customers from the other tables were ogling him.
"Excuse me." Aniya at nag-lakad palayo. Hindi ko na sinundan pa at tamad na lamang na nag-taas ng kilay. Stella and Macky chuckled.
"Baka iihi lang."
Pilit kong dinedma ang mga naiisip ko sa lalaking iyon habang wala pa siya at nakipag-chikahan nang malala sa dalawang malantod. May sariling topic si Jaguar at Hubert.
I filled them in in some parts of this whole thing. Adding more information to what I only gave them last time. Lalo na't umiinit na rin ang batok ko.
They were so invested in my tea that when people started screaming and giggling all of a sudden, we looked around, very confused and disoriented.
"There are times when I'm lying in my bed, how I bellow and cry from this stupid gate..."
A very familiar tune and voice echoed all over the place. Agad dumagundong ang dibdib ko at napa-lingon sa mini stage ng resto bar. And there, I saw... Him.
"And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day... Almost rubbed-down, swelling..."
Nag-huhuramentado na rin ang dalawang bakla sa gilid ko habang ako'y nanatiling tigagal, kinakabahan, at pilit pa ring nanlalaban. Kahit na ba unti unti kong nararamdamang... Humihina... Fuck! Tang ina.
"As I keep on dipping my face in these cold hands of mine, Heaven knows how embittered I am..."
The resto bar suddenly felt like a noisy club as women guests started to cheer more. And I'm here... Left and hurting... Watching him sitting on a wooden high chair. Eyes closed and both hands gripping on the mic that's stuck on the mic stand. He looks nothing like the typical distant, cold, rude, and asshole that was Tyson Echiverri.
This is a whole different person. He looks like a new person. A new him.
"'Cause this angel has flown away from me... Leaving me with drunken misery, I should have clipped her wings and made her mine for all eternity..."
I saw his left hand left the mic and held on to the microphone stand. I continued to feel millions of electricity gushing over my whole entire body.
"Now, this angel has flown away from me... Thought I had the strength to set her free, did what I did because I love her so... Will she ever find her way back home to me? Hmmm..."
And he opened his closed eyes, and they perfectly found me amongst the number of people in the room and landed on me. He smiled and mouthed the words I forgot I've always longed to hear from him years ago.