driver: Lance Stroll
pronouns: Not Mentioned
prompt: "Roses" and "Honest" by Shawn Mendes
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Lance was jealous, it wasn't a great feeling especially when it was mixed with a lot of regret because it just seemed to get worse when coming to think about it, the thought of letting you go ate him inside out everytime he came to thought of it and it was more present whenever you appeared in reunions or he saw your face in his social media and it gave him the drive to push the pedal to the bottom whenever he was in a race to fill him with the anger to really push through and try to make it more and more to the top, it pissed him off that he let you go because he couldn't give what he promised to give you, he knew you deserved a lot more than he could even give and it broke his heart to even come to the realization and the decision to end things with you but it filled him with anger to have lost your love and have lost you all completely because although you were still friends there was a lack of evident communication between him and you and there wasn't really a way to fix that because the way he ended things was really heartbreaking, but you made a new life in a way of saying, you found someone that could give and could receive, that someone became someone truly special to you and your family, but Lance still was in your mind in a way, probably because of the sudden break of your new found feelings when he called you that night.
can you meet me downstreet? Lance had messaged you that night, in that moment you had thought it was a surprise date as he sometimes did, so you went and ran to him when you saw him.
"hi." He spoke, he hugged you tightly like he was afraid to let you go, and he was, you had no idea at the moment but when everything went down it just clicked to you the way he hugged you like it might be the last time. "I need to talk to you." He sighed, you had pulled away.
"what's wrong?" You asked, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"there's no easy way of saying this." He began, you frowned and dropped your hands away from him as you were holding his hands. "I need to tell you that this isn't your fault." He tried to hold your hands.
"what do you mean, Lance?" You frowned, your chest tightened.
"i don't mean to hurt you." He spoke, there wasn't a way he could make it easier for him or you he just had to be honest. "I can't give you want you need, you deserve more than I can promise and I've tried to make it easier for you but I don't want your life to stop because of me..." He said softly.
"you're not the one to take decisions for me, Lance, I'm not stopping my life because of you!" You said, he was sure the conversation wouldn't go to plan and that the regret would just follow him around until he found a way to go past it, but even now in the present there was no way of even forgetting it. "are you having feelings for someone else?" You asked directly, the relationship hadn't gone for long at that moment, maybe five months, but there was always the chance.
"I swear to God to you, there's nobody else!" He answered, your eyes began to water.
"then why? we began recently..." You spoke, his heart felt tight.
"when I tell you every feeling I felt was honest and sincere, I'm being completely honest with you and that's what I want, but I think we rushed into this and...made promises we weren't sure we could keep even with me having the chance to pursue my dream and it's not that you're an obstacle but are we sure that we'll survive the long distance?" He asked.
"well... we barely even tried." You said. "Lance just don't do this... can we try?" You asked.
"I won't be able to give you want you want... I'll be barely present, maybe not even present in our anniversaries, I can't keep the promises I made in the beginning and I'm sorry for getting your hopes up but I'm just trying to be honest." He placed his hands softly in your cheeks. "I don't wanna see you cry..." He softly said as he wiped your small tears rolling.
"I'm willing to try." You whispered gripping his clothes with your weak hands.
"you know I hate to hurt you and if I stay this pain will last as long as we try to keep it going and if I leave right now the pain won't last long." He stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.
"how do you know that?" You asked.
"I don't... but I know that as detailed of a man I can be for you... it might not be enough and you truly deserve more than I can promise." He said and his hands slowly slipped from your face. "you need to find someone better... I know for a fact that you will find someone so much better than me." He smiled sadly, he was saving the tears and the pain, it broke him to see you cry and look at him with a lost sight.
"so that's it then...?" You asked, he nodded.
"I'm afraid it is." He stated, you nodded and wiped your tears with a hand even though it wasn't enough. "I'll still love you, maybe forever." He said.
"me too Lance, have a good life." You smiled and pulled him into a hug, he nuzzled his face into your shoulder as he hugged you tightly now the both of you knowing that the tighter it was the less easy it was to let go of the other, but still you were the first one to pull away before leaving and Lance stood there watching you leave as you hugged yourself for comfort.
That wasn't the last time you saw each other but it was the last time you saw each other in private, after that, as the years went by he saw how you got better and better and got the life that you wanted which for him seemed too impossible for you to achieve when locked with him, he was proud of the person you were becoming and knew that the person he knew in the past would be proud as well maybe not as much as he always was when seeing your achievements in your social media, and after three years had gone by of the break up you found someone better as Lance said when the things ended, it made him jealous but it was his entire fault that you were thriving and he wasn't there next to you to hug you and tell you how proud he was of you, and whenever he got the chance to see you at a gathering he just kept his distance and watched as you enjoyed the party with everyone else.
"the one that got away huh?" One of your friends in common had approached him.
"yeah." Lance laughed.
"I found out that they might get engaged this year." He shared, Lance looked at where you were and your hand was held with your partner, who you now considered to be your true love or at least to his face. "they have like... everything planned, it's crazy." He sipped his beer.
"do they?" Lance asked.
"oh yeah! you haven't talked to them? they really can't stop yapping about it, it's unbelievable." He laughed and sipped once more. "why don't you go and talk to them?" He asked.
"I don't think that's a good thing to do..." Lance laughed, and the conversation was left there, he tried to find the opportunity to approach you and talk to you again after what seemed to be ages ago, and he didn't, he thought it was something wrong to do and considered it to be really inconvenient to even do to you because he knew he might not be in his best mood when talking to your partner.
He had that harsh thought in his mind that he might not have been enough for you even though he could've tried but he didn't wanna risk it all and the chance to losing you even more, those gatherings were something common to happen after that one, and even though there was the rumour going on that you might get engaged by the end of the year you couldn't bring yourself to do something like that and convinced your partner to take one more year waiting for that to happen, probably because you had seen Lance again and some feelings were brought back to you that hadn't been seen for a while. For Lance you looked much happier, and it brought him happiness to some extent but still made his heart ache when thinking that he could've never made you that happy, and in some universe you might've had the worst experience in the relationship, so it was a relief to think that you weren't the one living through it. He knew that if he tried to talk to you he might do something he would regret even more than letting you go, he knew that he might even lose control over what he does in that moment and he didn't want to take you away from what made you happier than ever and ruin your chances on having an incredible future and be left behind because he didn't mind being in the outside looking to the inside how much happier you were but still couldn't help but think what could've been.
But one day, something changed, Lance was in town visiting his family over the season and caught you shopping for some groceries in the supermarket that was nearby, it was a complete surprise, seeing you there surprised him a lot, he didn't expect to see you there by yourself and it was also a surprise for you, you didn't know he was in town at all and he was just standing there in front of your cart with the same expression you were probably showing.
"hi." You spoke to break the ice.
"how have you been?" He asked, seeing your face again felt like he was in luck.
"good! I've been good... how have you been? how's the driver life?" You asked politely gripping the handle of the cart anxiously.
"same... it is what it is." Lance chuckled, his heart was beating quickly into his chest, you looked better than ever, so changed and it felt like he was falling all over again for him, and he looked really changed as well and your eyes scanned him trying not to give yourself away too much, but he did notice how your eyes fluttered between his face and his body to see what had changed and it was plenty.
"Lance!" A female voice called from the beginning of the aisle. "here you are..." The girl grabbed his arm surprising him, she was a girl he was getting to know but wasn't necessarily dating. "oh hi! I'm Jo!" She introduced herself and extended her hand, you were shocked, the girl was beautiful and the feeling of sorrow filled your chest, you shaked her hand and said your name stunned.
"uh... this is a friend of mine." Lance introduced you, you nodded and gave the most hurt smile your face could make, it was totally out of your mind the fact that you were dating someone you promised loyalty but when it came to Lance your mind was a complete word puzzle.
"old friends, really old friends." You spoke, the girl nodded.
"nice to meet you." She smiled, you excused yourself and said a really apologetic goodbye before leaving the two alone, after that, once you got home your partner welcomed you home making you regret every single thought you had in the way home and feel like you didn't deserve to have such an amazing person with you and still want something else or worse, someone else.
The months went by and Lance was arriving to his house to be greeted by an invitation in his front porch, he thought the moment had come but it wasn't, well... not exactly.
dear Lance Stroll,
You've been cordially invited to the engagement party of...
He stopped himself from reading, was this real? You finally got engaged and he was invited to celebrate such thing, there was no way he was going but he felt like a bad person to deny the invitation considering how much it must've taken you to finally cave into the idea of inviting him and proposing the idea to your now fiance, and how much it also took you to find his current address where he would for sure find the letter of invitation and then a small paper flew out of the small envelope.
hi Lance! I know it's really out of the blue, but it would make me really happy
if you could come to the party, I've been meaning to get back in touch with
you for the past few months because I regret having shut all contact, so please
consider coming yes?
All the love.
The paper had your handwriting on it, he winced and went into the house and after much given thought he wrote back telling you he was going and to consider him in the guest list because he "wouldn't miss it for the world", after that it was just a ticking time bomb until the day of the engagement party. When you got his answer you could not believe he had accepted, so you arranged everything for him to be as near as possible maybe because you wanted to regain contact with him or maybe just because there was a small possibility you would consider him back and you just didn't want to accept that.
Lance arrived to the engagement party carrying a gift that was mainly meant for you but named it after you and your partner, once you saw him arrive you made your way quickly to him forgetting about your fiance behind and the people invited who were greeting you.
"you came!" You smiled with a lot of hope behind your eyes.
"you invited me, I wouldn't miss it..." Lance said, you pulled him into a hug and he hugged you back not believing how it happened again, you looked incredible in the gown you were wearing for the party.
"thank you for coming." You whispered while holding the hug, he smiled.
"not a problem." He mentioned, you pulled away and grabbed the gift in his hands, you thanked him. "I'm not staying long though, I have some training to do tomorrow morning." He lied, there wasn't a training session scheduled for tomorrow, he just needed an excuse to leave a little earlier than expected just in case.
"oh don't worry." You smiled, you stayed there without anything to say but still not wanting to leave his side, and he had his hand in his pocket, holding a necklace, that was just for you and it was going to stay that way, until your fiance called you, it was time for you to go with your future and leave the past where it was and Lance knew that for a fact, you apologized and promised him to come back to then go up to your fiance who pulled you close immediately, Lance watched from afar how you were enjoying everything around you as it had meant to be, for you and your fiance.
He looked for his seat in a table and walked there before everything got too much, and the evening passed, and he looked at your bright smile whenever you showed it, he started imagining if he was the one to be in the place of your partner, holding you close and kissing you, waking up to you in the mornings, getting to share more than one meal in the day, getting to watch movies together and the most important thing of all, being the one to win your love before anyone else, have won the race to your heart and not have broken it like he did that one night many years ago. He regretted everything he had done in that moment, just like he had ever since that night, he was regretting having said what he said, he felt like he just stood there as you took the train he was also supposed to take but was dumb enough to be scared of what could happen in the ride that he couldn't bring himself to even jump behind you even if his foot got stuck in the door metaphorically speaking, he would've been with you anyways, he could've been yours and you could've been his but he was just scared, now it seemed like a stupid thing to have been scared about but he always thought it was better for you to leave unscathed and for him to be the one getting the thorns of the roses and protect you from the pain he knew you were gonna get if you stayed.
He always thought of that metaphor, your love felt like a garden of tulips, soft at the touch and very delicate, with long leaves that felt like a shelter whenever it was needed and petals that changed from a bright red full of passion to a soft pink full of innocence and purity in different seasons and when treated in the right way where if there was anything badly happening to such tulip it would turn black and even though it seemed mysterious he swore to never have that happen, he always wanted his tulip the nice reddish pink color it had been since he met you. But his love? was a garden full of roses that had a very hard black undertone with dark red in the ends of the petals, with a stem full of thorns that could be hurtful to the soft touch and a harsh texture on the petals that even though you could water it and give it nutrients it might still grow like that and even more so in some cases but he didn't even want to let you try and go past his garden full of roses and let you get hurt while trying to get by or tame it.
Once it was late enough for him to decide it was about time to leave, he stood up and said goodbye to some people he had talked to throughout the evening and some that he knew, he didn't want to say goodbye to you because you were having fun and he didn't know what he would do if he had you in front of him, but you find your way up to him.
"leaving?" You asked approaching him, he turned to you and glanced at the exit. "you don't want to keep contact again, don't you?" You asked straight forward, Lance sighed and shook his head.
"it's not really that I don't want to I just... prefer leaving you to live a good life, you seem happy." Lance smiled. "I don't think I ever saw you be this happy outside of your comfort zone and it's... I'm proud of you." He spoke, you smiled and hugged him.
"I'm proud of you too Lance..." You whispered against his chest, you didn't expect him to hug you back and he didn't either, it would be harder to leave that way. "I'm really glad you came... at least for one last time." You smiled after pulling away from the hug, his eyes were filled with tears as he saw the love of his life stand in front of him, he saw in your eyes that you still felt something or maybe he was just convincing himself about something that seemed like a lie when he thought about it, he fidgeted with the necklace in his pocket and pulled it out.
"you can tell me to stop if you already know, and though i'm not sure if my heart can take it, but the look on your face says don't let me go..." He spoke as he held the necklace in his hand.
"Lance... I'm going to get married." You spoke.
"I don't want to start a fire with this flame, but I'm worried that your heart might feel the same..." He said, you sighed fidgeting with your fingertips.
"please don't do this again." You spoke hurt, he looked at you and handed you the necklace, it had a rose shaped figure engraved in silver.
"I hope life treats you well." He said. "I will love you always." He spoke before turning his back to you and leaving the venue, and there you stood being the one watching the other leave into the darkness of the city.
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Months after your engagement party, you were getting the things ready for your marriage, after that night you never got to see Lance ever again and it seemed like that was the definitive last time he would even appear if it wasn't in the TV with some achievement done by either him or his father. And there stood the necklace, in your neck, you rarely even took it off because it took a different meaning when you found yourself looking at it and seeing that it was the last thing you were ever going to see from the love of your life, your fiance had asked what was that necklace and where you got it from and you simply replied telling him that it was a engagement gift a friend had given you at the party and it wasn't a lie! You wouldn't lie about such thing, at least not that bluntly, you didn't have the heart to even tell your partner the deep love you had for Lance and probably would have for the rest of your life because ever since the last conversation you noticed that you would've taken the chance of risking six years of a relationship over an old unresolved love to build a live from scratch with him if he had asked you in that moment.
You had been driving around town trying to find the few last things for the wedding that you needed, since the wedding was in under a week, you noticed there was an expensive car nearby but you didn't care, you arrived to your doorstep and saw a dark red rose with the thorns carefully taken out.
I got you this rose and I need to know
Will you let it die or let it grow?
-L
You looked around trying to find him, but there was no trace of him not even a small thing beside the rose, you picked it up from the floor and arranged it with the rest of the things you were holding so you could open the door and get home. Beside the house, stood Lance in hiding, he felt like in a movie but he was taken aback to see that you had arrived that he just ran to the nearest place to hide in so you wouldn't see him, and he got closer to the window where it had a pretty good view from the inside of your house as you had opened the drapes before leaving, and there you stood staring at the rose and pulling it close to your chest, before taking a small vase that you filled with water before putting the beautiful rose there, he smiled to himself and decided it was time to leave, he took that as a yes, maybe in another universe, maybe in another moment, maybe in the past or the future but the fact that you might still feel the same as years ago relaxed him, there was still a slight chance if you weren't about to take the most huge step in your life that was committing completely to another person.
Only if it was the one you wanted deep down after all this time.
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Thanks for reading!
- Lavander!