Chapter 60
Saturday January 7th
Harry's POV
"You want to take Theo for the morning?" Lennon looked me, slightly confused. I've never asked her before to have Theo one on one, so she was probably trying to determine what I was up to. She didn't need to know though. Not yet, at least.
It was the perfect morning for it. plus, I sort of needed to get it done this morning since Lennon told me she'd be telling Theo the truth about me later this afternoon, and I would like to get this completed while the kid still enjoys my presence.
"Yeah. To like Target or something" I responded. I was prepared to go out in public, I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt. I also brought sunglasses and a baseball cap to held hide my face, and pants to cover up any tattoos on my legs. It's not like anybody will be expecting me to be roaming a Target on a Saturday morning, so I hoped that would be good enough.
This morning I had a slight panic that my request would not be accepted. I had momentarily forgotten about the fact that Lennon might not want me to be driving Theo around. Not because of me, but because of the accident. I was worried for a few minutes until I remembered that their babysitter drives them home from school three times a week, so it should end up okay.
"Okay. Yeah, that should be fine" Lennon agreed, and I internally cheered.
"Great, thank you" I smiled. "I'll go get him ready"
I walked away before she could say anything else, and entered the living room where Theo was currently playing with the twins. I watched them for a second while none of them noticed I was standing there, because Theo was trying to help Atticus latch back onto his pacifier while using his other hand to rub Delia's stomach, and it was the cutest thing ever.
Now it was time for the next part of the plan; get Theo to leave the house with me.
"Theo" I announced I was there, and he looked up at me and smiled when his eyes met mine. "You wanna go out to a store bud?"
"What store?" He asked, standing up.
"Target"
"Oh! Can I get a cake pop?" His eyes widened.
"Of course you can" I agreed, because why wouldn't i? He can have as many cake pops as he wants.
"Yay!" He smiled.
Lennon came in to watch the twins, and I took Theo into his room and watched as he picked out what clothes and shoes he wanted to wear today. He decided on a pair of black pants, a white shirt, and a light blue jacket with Toy Story characters on it. I fixed up his curls because they were a mess from when he woke up this morning, and helped lace up his converse sneakers.
Before we left the house, he said big goodbyes to his mom, his dog, and his siblings, making sure they each got a kiss before he left. Lennon and I swapped car keys so that we didn't have to move car seats, but so she could still have a vehicle should she need one. I strapped Theo into his seat, double checking the straps as thoroughly as Lennon would.
We drove to Target, and the car ride was mostly filled with Theo telling me different stories about things that probably never happened. It was quite weird to just be with him, because it wasn't something I was used to. Usually it's the 5 of us all hanging out, and even when I was babysitting I still had the twins, so it wasn't just one on one time with Theo.
I held onto Theo's hand tightly as we walked in the parking lot. Then of course the first thing that we did when we entered Target was turn right to go to the small Starbucks area. I ordered a coffee for myself and a strawberry sprinkled cake pop for Theo, who was super excited when the girl behind the counter handed it to him.
"Thanks Hawwy!" Theo smiled at me, taking his first bite.
"Welcome buddy" I responded. We took a spot at one of the empty side tables, so that he didn't leave a trail of crumbs on the Target floor, and so I could explain to him what we were doing here. I had a few questions to ask him as well. "So Theo"
"What?"
"Mommy's birthday is next week, so I thought we could pick out some presents for her. Does that sound fun?" I asked. I had a few other gifts that weren't just me walking around Target and grabbing what I could find, but I wanted Theo to be a part of the process and I figured we could find things she would like here as well. Also, I needed some craft supplies.
"Yeah! I know what she wants" Theo nodded.
"Okay perfect! What else does mommy usually do for your birthday?" I asked, just trying to get a hint. I wanted to make Lennon's day as special for her as she makes the day for the kids. Especially when she told me the other day that her birthday "isn't really a huge deal". That's definitely not the case, she deserves to be as celebrated as she does for everyone else.
"Birthday donuts!" Theo gasped. "They're word donuts that say Happy Birthday!"
Noted.
"Awesome! What else?"
"Lots of balloons! Mommy puts some on my door, and then they fall down, and it's so silly!" Theo laughed. "And colors!"
I'm assuming he meant decorations. Which reminded me that décor was also on my shopping list for today.
"Oh! And she makes a pancake with how old you are! Do you know how many mommy is?" Theo tilted his head, trying to think of the answer himself.
"Yeah, I know how old she is" I chuckled. 2 and a half weeks older than me.
"Good, cause I forgot. And then we just do whatever the birthday person wants"
"Sounds great, thank you Theo"
"But" Theo paused. "We only do all dat on my birthday and daddy's birthday"
Ignoring the obvious slap in the face for a second, I froze trying to understand what he was saying. Does he mean that Lennon does all that stuff on their birthdays, but no one does it for hers? And by no one, I mean Hudson because clearly Theo is excluded from that.
If what he's saying is true, between that and the fact Lennon was sure no one was going to fill her stocking, I started to feel extremely bad. It's probably not my place to be thinking like this, but did Hudson really not do these things for her? It was shocking to me, but I wouldn't dare say anything about it to her.
"Oh" I bit my lip. "Well this year, we'll do it for mommy's birthday. I think she'd really like that"
"Me too!" Theo clapped his hands together and used a napkin to wipe his face. "I'm done"
"Alright, let's go" I cleaned off the table and then we headed into the main part of the store.
I grabbed a cart and stuck Theo in the back part of it. the last thing I wanted to do was lose my child, so I made sure he was contained. We went to the decoration section first and we decided to make the theme be Lennon's favorite color, which is yellow, and then white to even it out.
We grabbed a mixture of yellow and white in everything we could find. Tablecloth, napkins, plates, balloons, hangy ceiling things, banners, streamers, if it was a party decoration it was getting added to the cart. When we decided we had enough things, we moved on to the arts and crafts section.
I wanted to have Theo make something for her, but my creativity skill is a little lackluster when it comes to this sense. I grabbed a canvas, different colored paints, brushes, and glitter and figured we could make something work out of that.
We also made sure to grab some wrapping paper, bags, and tissue papers so I would have stuff to wrap her presents in. once we found all the party necessities, it was time to start looking around for some presents.
Not really knowing where to start, I asked Theo, who said we should go to the makeup section. I knew Lennon doesn't really wear a lot of makeup, but I assumed Theo had an idea of what he wanted, so I rolled the cart that way.
I was right, because he actually ended up wanting perfume.
The two of us smelt every single perfume scent that they had, and twenty minutes later, we finally agreed on one and added it to the cart. I also got a refill of her shampoo and conditioner, I knew she still used the same brand from when we were together, so that was easy.
In the jewelry section, Theo picked out a necklace that he was really happy about. He told the older woman next to us that his mommy is going to look so pretty when she wears it, to which she smiled at us and told me I was doing a great job raising my son. Luckily, Theo was too busy admiring the necklace to hear her.
We also picked out another sweater I thought she would like. I did a good job with the one from Christmas because she's worn it a few times in the short amount of time that she's had it, so I felt confident in the one we picked out.
After grabbing a few more smaller things, I took a look at our cart which was quite full between our items and Theo. Of course, before we left I took Theo to the toy section and let him pick out something for all his help, and because I just wanted to see him smile when I told him he can pick out whatever he wants.
After paying for everything, I loaded all the bags and Theo into the car. We made a stop at the park so that we could do Lennon's craft gift without her knowing about it. We parked near the back so we were out of the way and then I explained to Theo what we were doing, and he got excited when he learned he was going to paint.
I ended up using the brush and writing "I" and "You" on the canvas but left a space in between them. I painted Theo's hands the same color, and we used his handprints to make the shape of a heart so it spelt out "I love you" in the center of the piece.
We used the rest of the colors and made a variety of different colored Theo handprints around the rest of the canvas. It turned out really cute, and I knew she'd love it.
When we were done and I cleaned all the paint off of Theo's hands, I set the canvas on the passenger seat gently so that it could dry. After our very successful trip, I drove us back home, and Theo was so excited to tell his mom where we went. I told him everything else had to be a secret though, hopefully he can keep it for a week.
"Yeah! And I got a cakepop! And Hawwy got me this toy!" Theo was proudly showing the box off to Lennon when I walked in.
"Oh my goodness!" Lennon cupped her cheeks with her hands, in shock. "Did you have so much fun?"
"Yes!" Theo screamed.
"I'm so glad, did you say thank you?"
"Oh" Theo looked at me. "Thank you Hawwy!"
"You're welcome buddy"
I ended up sticking around for a little bit to play with Theo's new toy with him, but I didn't stay too long because I knew Lennon wanted to have some alone time with him before she broke the news to him. I left a little bit before the twin's naptime, and gave Theo a big hug, worried that it might be the last one that he gives me for a while. The reality of it is we just don't know how Theo is going to react.
And I'd be lying if I said that didn't frighten me just a little bit.
LENNON'S POV
It was getting closer and closer to the time that I would be telling Theo the truth about his dad. I've been on edge all morning, so in hindsight it was kind of a good thing that Harry took Theo out of the house for some special time because I've been a nervous wreck all morning.
He could react to the news amazingly. He could even be happy about it. He loves Harry, and loves being around him. This would be the best reaction of course.
But on the other hand, he could react poorly. He could feel lied to, or betrayed, or anything under the sun. I didn't know how much a 4 year old could really grasp, so it could all be confusing to him. Luckily, Theo is smart for his age, but we just don't know for sure.
I've been running it through my head all morning of what I wanted to say to him. I honestly wasn't exactly sure how much information I should be giving him. If I just say oh by the way Theo, Harry is your biological father, he's surely going to have questions about what that even means.
The more I ran through every scenario in my head, the more I started to make myself panic. For a moment I even changed my mind and was going to put it off till another time, because I was so nervous, but decided that's unfair. Instead, I decided that I'm going to figure it out as we go and see what questions Theo has for me and let that determine the flow of the conversation.
It'll all be okay Lennon.
It was time to put the twins down for their nap, which in result meant time to tell Theo the truth. It would obviously be best to have this conversation when the babies weren't around and we didn't have any distractions.
I hugged my babies extra tight and laid them down in their cribs, wishing them sweet dreams, before quietly shutting the nursery door. I went back to the living room where Theo was watching his show, so I decided to let him finish his episode and not interrupt.
Which gave me a few more minutes of last minute panicking.
"Theo" I said, when the end credits came on. "Can we talk for a minute?"
"Sure mommy" Theo agreed, and I turned the TV off.
I told him to follow me to the table where I had set out our lunch since it was that time of day anyways, and maybe the cookies on his plate will help him not freak out. It was wishful thinking.
My sweet boy sat across from me at the table and started to take small bites of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, complimenting me that it tasted delicious, and then asked me what I wanted to talk about.
Here we go.
"Theo, this is going to be an important conversation, okay? And you can ask whatever questions you need to, and I'll do my best to answer them" I started off.
"Okay" Theo nodded.
"It might be a little confusing, but I'll help you figure it out" I continued.
"Okay"
"So, you know how Harry is one of our friends?"
"Yeah! I love Hawwy!" Theo giggled.
"I'm so glad" I smiled, hoping his reaction is still the same in a couple of minutes. "So I've actually known Harry a long time. I met Harry before you were even born! Isn't that cool?"
"Woah" Theo gasped. "That's a long time"
"It is" I agreed, trying to figure out where to go next with this. "And you know your dad, of course"
"Yeah" Theo frowned at the mention of him. "I miss daddy"
"Me too" I sighed. I don't know what part of this hurts the most. "So usually what happens is a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, and they have a baby. Like how mommy and daddy were having your baby brother and sister"
"Okay"
"But it was a little different for you baby. I didn't meet daddy until you were already born! You were already a year old when I met Hudson and we became a family"
Theo looked at me confused, and I knew I was doing an awful job at this. Then again, all the parenting books that I read most definitely did not prepare me for a conversation like this one. "What does that mean?"
"So mommy and daddy didn't love each other before we had a baby, we loved each other after you were already born"
Theo stared at me. "Then how was baby Theo born?"
Here it goes.
"Want to hear a secret?" I asked, hoping that if I made it sort of fun it would help.
"Yeah!"
I lowered my voice. "Mommy loved someone else before she loved daddy"
Theo's eyes widened, which let me know he seems to have understood that part. "What?!"
I chuckled at his reaction. "Can you guess who it was?"
"UHM" Theo thought for a moment. "Santa Claus?!?"
"No, not Santa" I chuckled. "It was Harry"
"What?!"
"I know! So one day before baby Theo was born, Harry and I were in a relationship. We loved each other so much, and we wanted to have a baby. And I was so lucky that the baby we had was you"
Theo's eyebrows furrowed again, now he was losing the plot once again. "Huh?"
"Harry and I had a baby together. And that baby was you. You know that I'm your mommy, yeah?"
"Yeah"
"Which means that Harry is actually your daddy" I broke the news, and I watched the wheels spin in his brain. He stopped eating bites of his sandwich and looked between the wall and I. His eyes squinted and his tongue poked out the corner of his mouth as he tried to focus on putting the pieces together.
It felt like an eternity, but a few minutes later he spoke. "But Hawwy's not my daddy, he's my friend"
"I know this is confusing... but Harry is your dad"
"No!" Theo gasped, which made me jump slightly in my seat. "Daddy is my daddy"
How do I tell him he's right but also wrong at the same time? Because yes Hudson is considered his dad, he took care of him, and stepped up for him. But how do I get him to realize that Harry also is his dad.
I took a deep breath. "Yes, Hudson is your dad. Because dads are supposed to take care of you, and read you stories, and give you so many hugs and kisses. Which Hudson did for you, right? But remember, I didn't meet Hudson until you were a little bit older. So Hudson is still a dad to you, but Harry is as well. Harry reads you stories and gives you hugs and kisses, yeah? So it's okay to have more than one"
Right about now I was wishing Theo was just a few years older so this could really make more sense to him.
"But why I only know Harry for a little bit?" Theo asked, and I knew this was his way of asking where he's been all his life. He wants to know why he only remembers one of his dads. How do I explain this?
"So when baby Theo was born, mommy loved Harry. You, me, and Harry were a family and we spent so much time together. When you were a little bit older, things started to go from happy to sad... and Harry had to go away for a little bit, even though it made him sad to do so" I explained, watching carefully for his reaction.
Theo thought for a moment. "Like how daddy went away?"
"It's a little different" I answered. "Daddy is sleeping in the stars, but Harry just had to find a new home for a little bit"
"Why?" Theo asked. "Was he hurt like daddy?"
"I think Harry was sad. And sometimes when people are sad, they need to be alone for a little bit. Kind of like how you go play in your room by yourself when you're sad, does that make sense?" I asked, trying to connect dots in any way that I could.
"Oh, yeah" Theo frowned. "I'm confused mommy"
"I know" I sighed. "So Harry was sad and went to a new place, and mommy took care of you. When Harry was sad, I met Hudson, and then me and Hudson took care of you. Does that make a little sense?"
"Hawwy sad. You and daddy hug me" Theo repeated.
"Yes!" I cheered. "And then a little while later, daddy had to go sleep in the stars, you know that"
Theo nodded.
"And now, Harry feels so much better, and he's so happy, so he was able to come back home! That's a good thing. Because now Harry can play trains with you, and give you hugs, and buy you toys!" I said cheerfully.
"So Hawwy my daddy, but daddy is also daddy?" Theo put his hands on his head. I was probably giving the poor kid a headache.
"Yes. You're exactly right"
"But Hawwy went bye byes and no give me hugs"
Of course that's what he had to takeaway from the conversation. I was hoping he didn't really catch onto that. Of course, I couldn't lie to him and say that's not true, because he clearly knows it is as he stated it and didn't question me.
"Yes, because sometimes when people are sad or struggling, it makes it hard to give hugs. But now that he's better, he gives you so many hugs" I tried to save it.
"Oh"
I didn't say anything for a couple moments, just giving him some time to run it all through his head. He moved on from eating his sandwich, to his cookies.
"Mommy?" Theo spoke up, but quietly, a few minutes later.
"Yes baby?"
"I don't want Hawwy to be my daddy. He's my friend"
I bit my lip, and looked at him. Of course, Harry and I had talked about all of this. We were both on board that neither one of us would be forcing Theo into calling Harry dad. I knew how much Harry was hoping it would happen, but in the end we agreed that it would be best for Theo to determine when and if he feels comfortable using that term for him.
"That's okay. You can still call Harry your friend" I assured him.
"Not daddy?" Theo clarified.
"You can call Harry dad if you want to, but you don't have to. Okay?" I reiterated.
"Okay" Theo looked at me.
"Do you have any other questions teddy?"
"Uhm" He paused. "Oh! Why did Lia call Hawwy Da?"
"Oh, that's because Lia is a baby and she's learning how to talk. She was just being silly" I smiled at him.
"Okay" He nodded.
"Anything else?" I asked.
"Can I have more cookies?" He asked, and of course I told him yes.
I put a few extra on his plate and then listened as he started to talk about rocketships and frogs. I think the conversation with him went okay. He doesn't seem to be too upset or mad, which is a good thing.
I know it will be hard to break it to Harry that Theo isn't interested in calling him dad, but I think we'll be okay in the aspect of their relationship. Who knows? Maybe one day down the line Theo will be open to it, but for right now I would consider the conversation a win.
I also forgotten that I pulled out some pictures from Theo's childhood of Harry holding him when he was a baby that I wanted to show him, but since I forgot and Theo moved on, maybe another time would be best. He seems to be doing okay with the news, so I was fine with keeping it at where we were at for right now.
Instead, I texted Harry and let him know that the truth was out, and he eagerly responded wanting to know the reaction Theo gave. I told him that Theo seems to be taking it well, but he still wants to be friends with Harry. I received a heart and a smiley face back from Harry, so hopefully that meant he was okay. I made a mental note to check in on him in a little bit just in case.
As for now, Theo was aware of his childhood and how crazy it was to get here, and I felt a little bit lighter now knowing I wasn't keeping something this huge from him anymore.
Welllll Theo knows 😅😅😅
Xoxo
Sierraaaaa