a/n: this chapter will taste better if you listen to enchanted while reading it
"the lingering question kept me up."
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y/n's pov:
"y/n? earth to y/n?" xochitl waves her hand in front of my face, "are you ready?"
"ready as i'll ever be," i say, swallowing down the butterflies that are currently trying to exit my throat.
i take the guitar from her hands and adjust the mic taped to my face. final touches. i saw walker earlier. i actually ran away from him after we made eye contact. if i'm going to let him apologize, why should i make it easy for him? i finger out a few chords just to make sure i remember. when xochitl asked me to perform, she wanted me to play my new song. i didn't want to play my new song. it's valentines day, i told her, let me play a love song. she agreed. so here i am, performing at a valentines day ball for a couple hundred strangers. and a few not so strangers. xochitl makes an "it's time" motion and i nod. when i walk out onto the stage, i think everyone is holding their breath. the lights are all dim, the spotlight is on me now. i come to stand in front of the mic. i try to find walker in the crowd. he's not hard to spot. he's tall and he's also staring directly at me. that does wonders for my nerves. i look away.
i clear my throat, "happy valentines day everyone!! i hope all of you have found your rose-mate or at least have found someone!! feel free to dance to this or not dance, either way, enjoy!"
then i close my eyes, take a deep breath and start singing.
there i was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
same old tired lonely place
walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy,
vanished when i saw your face
i sway to the music, letting myself sink into the melody. the guitar is solid under my fingers. the vibration of the strings against the palm of my hand. these words are etched into my heart, like walker's face is burned into the backs of my eyelids.
all i can say is, it was enchanting to meet you
i'm looking at walker. i hope he knows i can see him. i'm singing this for him. an apology for how i've acted. a question. the hope in his eyes drowns out everything i've felt over the past through days. hazel hums along in the back of my head. i can always feel her strongest when i'm singing. she loved my voice. that's why i made it my career. because i can never let go of her. she is me and i am my voice. so i keep singing on and on. i'll keep singing until my vocal chords tangle and my lungs collapse.
this night is sparkling, don't you let it go
i'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
i make my way down the stairs, the crowd parts as i step down. some people are dancing. others are just standing, swaying. eyes closed, mouths slightly open.
i'll spend forever, wondering if you knew
i was enchanted to meet you
i play the little guitar solo as i head towards walker. it sounds richer on the acoustic somehow. like this is what it was meant to be played on.
this is me praying that, this was the very first page
not where the storyline ends
my thoughts will echo your name, until i see you again
he's looking at me like i just handed him the moon. we 're standing face to face, for the first time since he broke a piece off my heart and took it with him.
these are the words i held back, as i was leaving to soon
i was enchanted to meet you
the next lyrics are a plea.
please don't be in love with someone else
please don't have somebody waiting on you
he sings them with me. i once read somewhere that he isn't a very good singer. he isn't half bad tonight. he's got a little smile on his face. i dare to let my lips curve up. the entire room is singing with us now, but i'm only looking at him.
please don't be in love with someone else
please don't have somebody waiting on you
i turn around and head back up the stage. my heart is beating out of my chest. if he didn't get that message, i'm going to scream.
this night is sparkling, don't you let it go
i finish the song and the crowd roars. i smile, bow and then head offstage.
"girl, i don't know what that was, but i saw that look. you're in love," xochitl grins, taking the guitar from me and handing it to someone else to put away.
"you can hear it in the silence," i sing, off-key on purpose, completely ignoring what she just said.
she grabs my shoulders and shakes them, "y/n! go get your man!"
i giggle as she shoves me into the crowd. my rose is still in my pocket, thank gods. time to go find walker. after seven minutes of searching inside, asking various people if they'd seen him, enough people had told me to go outside that i listened. i head out the backdoor, not sure why he'd be in the front. unless he left. with my luck, he did, but i'm clinging onto hope and adrenaline, hoping that the stupidity won't catch up with me before i find him. the back exit is actually the entrance to a garden. it's beautiful. moonlit and serene. theres carefully trimmed hedges and not so carefully trimmed rose bushes. small peonies and bigger dahlias. it smells positively enchanting. in the center of all of it, is a huge weeping willow tree. it's branches wave in the wind. under the tree, is a stone bench and on that stone bench, sits a boy. my boy. i head towards him and when i finally get to him, i don't say anything, i just sit next to him. we're silent for a moment. both of us stuck in that electric moment before someone says a word.
then he says, "why did you write that song about me?"
immediately, i can tell that he isn't happy. the hurt in his voice breaks my heart.
"i don't know, i was sad," i say, feeling small.
feeling like that can't possibly be an excuse.
"it hurt me, y'know," he says, his voice dull.
he fiddles with his rose.
"you hurt me too, y'know," i mimic his tone.
he turns toward me, " i really liked you, y/n. i really did. i thought, oh i don't know, maybe we had something. but all you've done is play with my feelings. i feel like i've been used by someone i've barely met. you don't get to release a song, about me and then act like you're the victim."
wait, what the fuck.
"i was the victim, walker. you're the one who said that stuff, not me," anger creeps into my voice.
"you overreacted and you know it," his voice rises, "i came here to apologize after you spent the whole week either acting like i killed your dog or like we never met at all. i'm tired of your games and i'm tired of waiting for you to make up your mind."
i blink. it's starting to sink in. i'm so stupid. he's right, i have been playing with his feelings. using him.
"walker, i never meant to-"
"take your stupid rose," he interrupts, throwing the rose at me.
"what?"
"take it. i know you set it up, so they'd be the same," he snarls.
i'm so confused. i pull my rose out of my pocket and he's right. same red petals, same maroon ribbon. what a sick coincidence.
"i didn't do that?"
"i don't care anymore," he stands up.
"walker, wait!" i call after him as he starts to walk away.
he turns around. anger furrows his brows. i've never seen him like this before. he looks like he could kill someone. it's scaring me. i back up a few steps. he seems to realize and his gaze softens for a second, but returns just as quick. i might've imagined it, but i know better.
"y/n, it is in both of our best interest, if you just stay away from me," he says, eyes cold.
my heart freezes over and drops into my stomach. this is not what i was expecting at all.
"i never want to see you again."
"o-ok," i say.
the adrenaline has died out. i'm left with nothing but the cold hard truth. he turns around and storms off. i stumble over to the bench and my knees buckle. the cool stone catches me, digging into the backs of my thighs. i can't hold it in anymore. i let it out. all the anger and frustration. the betrayal and regret. but mostly, the sadness. the walls i spent painstaking years building up, come crashing down. tears fall down my cheeks, dripping onto my hands and my dress, probably ruining it. it's just one more thing on the ever growing list of things i've ruined. i sob. my head in my hands. my makeup smears on my palms. messy like me. i'm such a mess. i want to drown in my tears. i want to hold my eyes closed until they never open again. i dig my fingernails into my palms. i can't take it anymore. i didn't ask for this, but it's still my fault. footsteps approach behind me. i know exactly who it is.
"y/n? what's wrong?" xochitl says, coming up beside me.
she sees the state i'm in and pulls me into her arms.
"oh no, what happened!" she says.
"i messed it up again, just like i always do," i cry.
"honey, i'm sure we can fix this," she coos, petting my hair.
i feel empty.
"he said he never wants to see me again."
"he doesn't even know what he wants," she scoffs.
she pulls me up into her arms, so she can give me a real hug. i melt into her. i'm so tired. i let the exhaustion grab hold of me as my eyes roll back and i pass out.
hello darkness.
hello hazel.
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bet you didn't see that one coming (i didn't either)
-1.7k words