These past few weeks Ishan had constantly been in Shubman's presence. Whether it was to buy stuff for wedding, shopping for the wedding clothes or picking up a guest, somehow he always ended up doing the task with Shubman by the grace of Miss great Charlotte. Also Lily has took quite a liking to Shubman so when the rest of the time they were not doing anything related to the preps, she will hang out with him, forcing Ishan to join them as well.
Ishan wouldn't say he hated that, instead he felt a strange sense of relief and comfort by the man's presence but it was getting increasingly difficult for him as whenever Shubman would glance at him with those eyes of his, Ishan's heart would thud loudly against his chest, making him fear that anyone could hear it. Whenever Shubman would laugh, his eyes crinkling in pretty crescent moons, the smile line appearing on his face with his gorgeous dimples gracing his cheeks, the only thought dancing around in Ishan's mind would be pinning the man to the nearby wall and kissing him senseless. Whenever he would slip up and call him Ish, it would transcend Ishan back to some of the most happiest moments in his life and then, the realisation that the time is gone would come like a harsh slap of reality.
For Ishan Shubman's presence was acting as the constant reminder of the future he could've had with him and it stung. So much.
"Mamu, why don't you go on a some dates with Shubi and see if you both click?" Lily suggested, jumping on Ishan's bed.
Ishan sighed, putting his book down, "Why are you so adamant on the idea of us dating?"
She pouted, "'Cause I like Shubi and I want him to be a part of my family."
Shubman chuckled, sitting beside her on the bed and ruffling her hair, "Don't worry, bacche, I'll still be a part of your family."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Ishan smiled fondly at their interaction. It was on a Sunday afternoon, on which they had decided to take a break from the hustle-bustle of the wedding preparations and just relax when Lily barged into his room dragging Shubman along with her and proposed her idea of them dating.
"Lily, beta, come here for a minute." They heard Piya's voice from outside.
"Oh, maa is calling me, I'll be back in a minute." Lily said, dashing out of the room.
"Looks like she took quite a liking to you." Ishan said, smiling.
"Not surprising, everyone likes me." Shubman winked.
Ishan chuckled, nodding his head, "I agree."
"Huh?"
"I said I agree, it's quite easy to like you." Ishan replied smiling as picked up his book again.
"Does that mean you like me as well?" Shubman asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"No," Ishan replied with an eye roll.
Shubman chuckled, asking, "What are you reading?"
Ishan smiled, "Oh, this. This is the latest release by my favourite author. You should read it. It's really good."
"Favourite author, huh?" Shubman said, biting back his smile at Ishan's excited tone.
"Yeah, you know the writing style kinda reminded me of you and the dumb pen name choice as well. I mean, I didn't think anyone other than you could think of publishing their books by the name of Thor but then I thought how can it be you-" Ishan's rambling quieted down as he registered the lengthy smile on Shubman's face. His face morphed into one of realisation and he squealed, "No way! Oh my God, are you serious?"
Shubman chuckled, "Yes, it's me."
"Wow, that's so cool. But I thought you weren't going to pursue writing?"
Shubman grinned, leaning onto the bed frame, "Someone told me that letting others control my every step will suffocate me. Agar apne mukaam ko haasil karne ke liye kuch karna khudgarzi hai to kabhi kabhi thoda khudgarz hona aur khud ke liye jeena itna bhi bura nahi," He smiled softly, looking at Ishan as he added, "I just decided to listen to that wise person."
Ishan felt warmth spreading throughout his whole body as Shubman quoted the words Ishan had told him once.
"I'm so proud of you, Shubi." Ishan said and he was, he felt incredibly proud of Shubman for pursuing what he actually loves, standing up for himself and not giving up on his dreams.
"I know you are," Shubman whispered, looking down at his hands with a small smile. Why did it feel so nice to hear that from Ishan? Maybe because Ishan was the only person who saw him, for his achievements as well as his failures, for his mistakes as well as his accomplishments, for his flaws as well as his qualities, on his good days and on days he didn't even had the energy to get up. Ishan never expected him to be perfect. For Ishan Shubman was a human with feelings, not some puppet you could control according to your own desires. Ishan made him feel heard, seen and acknowledged as a person and that feeling was so freeing when your whole life people had always tried to control you. So knowing Ishan was proud of him made his insides feel giddy and heart burst out with warmth.
Ishan noticed that Shubman was a little overwhelmed by the whole situation so he tried to lighten up the mood, "By the way, Shubi, Thor, seriously? Was there no other name in the whole world?"
"Shut up, Thor is cool," Shubman said, giving him a blank stare causing Ishan to laugh.
"Well, I never thought I'd be in the great presence of such an incredible writer, can I have an autograph, Mr. Thor?" Ishan asked, smiling cheekily.
"Stop making fun of me," Shubman pouted.
Ishan chuckled, forcefully pushing away the urge to kiss the pout, "I'm serious, I really love your work. De de na ek autograph."
Shubman giggled as Ishan forwarded him the book and a pen to sign. He signed the book and gave it back to Ishan before they heard a knock on the door, before the person peeked their head inside. It was Piya.
"Am I interrupting something?" She asked, smiling teasingly.
Ishan sighed, already being used to their relentless teasing for no goddamn reason at all, "No di, you're not interrupting anything. What's up?"
"Oh, we were just about to watch a movie. You wanna join us?"
"Sure, why not?" Ishan replied before looking at Shubman, "Do you, Shubi?"
"Yeah, I'd love to." Shubman said.
"Cool, come out then," Piya smiled, leaving the room.
-
"Main to thak gayi, bhaisaab," Piya drawled, mimicking the famous meme as she dropped on the couch, wiping the non-existent sweat from her forehead.
"Don't, love. Please don't," Charlotte spoke, giving her a mock disgusted glance causing everyone to laugh.
"Where's Lily?" Ishan asked.
"She slept." Piya replied, scrolling through difference movies.
"What are we watching, di?" Shubman asked, making himself comfortable on the couch.
"Let's watch Guzaarish. You like Hrithik Roshan, right?"
"How do you know?" Shubman asked, confused.
"Ishan told us, obviously. We already knew about your likes and dislikes even before meeting you cause of Ishan reciting the Shubman puran, almost everyday. " Charlotte replied, chuckling while Ishan just burned holes in her head with his gaze.
"Really, Ishan? You sound obsessed with me." Shubman teased.
"He might be, who knows?" Piya joined in the teasing.
Ishan groaned, "Shut up and just play the movie."
"Okay, fine, fine." Piya chuckled, starting the movie.
Halfway through the movie Ishan noticed Shubman has slept as he felt Shubman's head falling on his shoulder. His eyes went to the man's sleeping face and a smile involuntarily made it's way onto his lips.
"Take him to his room so he can sleep peacefully," Piya said, pausing the movie.
Ishan nodded, gently tapping Shubman's cheek to wake him up who just stirred a little, snuggling more into his shoulder.
"What are you doing, Ishan? Don't wake him up."
"Then how am I supposed to take him to his room?"
"Pick him up, genius." Charlotte said, sarcastically.
"What?" Ishan exclaimed, his heart already racing at the thought of Shubman being in his arms.
"What's so shocking in that? What's the point of your relentless gym sessions if you have to wake the boy up to take him to his bed?" Charlotte said quietly to not wake Shubman up.
Ishan sighed as he gently removed Shubman's head from his shoulder before carefully picking him up in his arms. Having Shubman so close was not healthy for Ishan's heart but he somehow managed to get him to his room before gently lowering him to his bed.
Ishan smiled, softly brushing Shubman's hair away from his forehead as he sat beside him. Besides all the conflicting emotions he's going through right now, Shubman's presence had really made his heart feel full. Shubman was always the sunshine to his gloomy days, his boost of energy, the drop of life for his dry heart. Suddenly being snatched of the most precious human in his life had almost driven him to the edge of insanity. Maybe, it was his own fault but if it was then he so badly regret it. Every second without Shubman was a second wasted, it was torturous.
He took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts before gently placing a kiss on Shubman's palm, "I'm sorry, I miss you." He whispered with a trembling voice.
As Ishan got up to leave, he felt Shubman gripping his hand even in his sleep while mumbling, "Don't go, please," that succeeded in further shattering Ishan's already broken heart.
-
Finally the wedding's done. What will happen now? Maybe everything will go back to normal. Ishan thought. He was sitting in his room balcony staring at scenery ahead of him before Charlotte barged in his room.
"Ishan, you need to go talk to him."
Ishan looked at her, confused, "What?"
"Shubman. You need to go talk to Shubman. He'll leave tomorrow."
"There's nothing to talk."
Charlotte frowned, "Of course, there is. You need to tell him that you still love him."
Ishan chuckled bitterly, looking away from her, "I don't love him."
She scoffed, "Do you think I'm an idiot? You and I, we both know how big of a lie that is. You still fucking love him, maybe even more than your own self."
When Ishan didn't say anything, she sighed, softening her tone, "Sweetie, please, you need to stop lying to yourself."
"Fine, maybe I do but I have learned to live without him now." Ishan spoke, staring at the sky with a mirthless smile, the words sounding hollow to his own ears. He knew they were lies. Pure lies.
Charlotte took a deep breath, she wanted to smack this boy so bad but that's not the way. That's not the way, she told herself.
"No, you haven't," She said softly, turning him around to face her, "You haven't learned to live without him. Heck, were you even living all these years? No, you were just surviving cause you had no other choice." She said, again turning Ishan towards herself as he tried to avoid her eyes, "No, look at me. Ishan, how many times have I caught you crying alone in the office remembering him?"
Ishan gulped, squeezing his eyes shut. He know she is right but is there anything he can do about it? He couldn't do anything then and maybe he wouldn't be able to do anything now as well.
"Ishan, sweetie, you remember him by everything. You remember him whenever you look at tulips. You remember him whenever someone offers you a chocolate. I know why you love staring at the sky. Because the moon reminds you of him.
She smiled sadly, squeezing his hand, "Listen, as much as it pains me to say this, the truth is, you're not living, you're now just a walking shell of the memories you had with him."
Ishan took a deep breath, trying to stop his tears at bay, "What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he had moved on, found someone new? I don't expect him to keep waiting for me."
Charlotte placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, smiling softly, "Then maybe you need to hear that to finally be able to move on."
Ishan choked back a sob, tears finally slipping out of his eyes.
"Ishan, he deserves this, you deserve this. Both of you deserve this chance. Fate had bought you infront of each other again for a reason. Life doesn't give everyone a second chance, please don't let it go. Otherwise pachas saal baad jab tu kisi hospital mein leta hoga tab sochega ki vo yahi tha aur tere paas mauka tha, agar zara si himmat kar leta to saali zindagi kuch aur ho sakti thi." She finished, dramatically adding the three idiots references.
Ishan laughed, wiping away his tears as he nodded. Charlotte pulled him in a hug, rubbing his back, "You got this, baccha."
-
Ishan took a deep breath as he stood infront of Shubman's room. His sweaty hands trembled a bit as he knocked on the door.
"It's open," Ishan heard Shubman's voice from inside. He opened the door and went inside, noticing Shubman sitting on the couch in balcony with his laptop.
"Oh, hi Ishan. Kya hua?" Shubman asked, smiling. Ishan sighed, feeling his nerves relaxing by the beautiful smile. How the hell does this boy still have such an effect on me? He wondered.
"Can we talk?" Ishan asked, hesitantly.
"Yeah, come." Shubman said, keeping his laptop aside.
"How have you been?" Ishan asked softly as he sat beside him. He realised they haven't actually talked about how have they been in the past few years and what's going on in their life.
"Do you want me to be honest or just say I'm fine, how about you as the norm?"
Ishan chuckled, "I can't force you to be honest if you don't want to."
"Right," He smiled, "Well, I'll be honest, I haven't been fine. I'm a bit better now but still not perfectly fine."
"Same," Ishan replied, leaning back on the couch. It was probably a very weird conversation to be having right now but it felt so comforting for the both of them.
"How's everything back home?"
"I haven't been in touch with them for quite a while now." Shubman replied, blankly staring off into the distance.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Ishan asked softly.
Maybe Shubman does. He does want to talk about it. To be honest, Ishan was the only person in his life with whom he shared things, all of his intimate secrets, his heartfelt desires, everything. Ishan was always there to listen and all these years without Ishan, he just bottled everything up. It got heavy at times but he somehow pulled through, having no other choice.
"I did everything, Ishan. I tried my best," Shubman spoke as he looked at Ishan, "I joined a medical college cause they wanted me to. I decided to give up writing cause they wanted me to. I even lost the most important person in my life cause they wanted me to. They were still not satisfied, I did everything in my power to make them happy but they were still not satisfied,"
Ishan heart clenched looking at the terrifyingly numb look in Shubman's eyes, like he had been so used to this pain that it's not even unusual anymore.
Shubman continued, "It was like they couldn't digest the fact that I'm a human as well. For them I was just a puppet they could control. It was suffocating. Ishan, I- I tried my best, I tried my best to be the perfect child they wanted but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I'm such a bad son. I'm so ungrateful," Shubman spoke, his voice coming out in ragged breaths.
Ishan immediately pulled him in a hug, gently rubbing his back. His heart broke as Shubman held him tightly while mumbling "I'm such a bad son, I'm so selfish" over and over again.
"No, you're not, Shubi. It's fine, I'm here. Just let it out," At Ishan's gentle words, Shubman burst out in a fit of sobs. His loud wails piercing through Ishan's heart as his own eyes blurred a little with tears.
"I-I always- always tried my best. Why couldn't they understand me? Am I that bad?" Shubman choked, clutching onto Ishan's shirt tightly. Ishan just let him cry while softly caressing his head. After Shubman calmed down a little, Ishan pulled back.
He felt his insides twisting at the tear stricken face of Shubman, his eyes were swollen, nose red and his lips were still trembling a little. Ishan gently wiped his tears away before cupping his face, "You're not a bad son, Shubi. Putting your own self first doesn't make you selfish, it makes you brave and I'm so proud of you for being brave."
Shubman let on a small smile, again placing Ishan's hand on his cheek, not letting the latter retreat it back and leaned onto the touch, "I can't tell you how much I missed this." He whispered.
"Main bhi," Ishan whispered back, tenderly stroking his face, "Shubi, do you think we could give us a one more chance?"
"I want to, more than anything but what if it doesn't work out again?" Shubman asked. He couldn't afford to lose Ishan again but then a life without Ishan was no less than a hell as well.
"We will make make it," Ishan stated, firmly, "Cause I don't know about you but I can't stand to live one more second without you in my life."
Shubman gasped dramatically, "Are you implying that it's easy for me to live without you, huh?"
"Shut up," Ishan groaned, "You know that's not what I meant."
"Really?" Shubman asked, wriggling his eyebrows.
"God, you're so annoying."
Shubman chuckled, "I love you." He whispered softly.
Ishan closed his eyes, absorbing the words. Words he thought he'd never hear again. They still made him feel as giddy as before, as if he has everything in the world. They still felt like the soft breeze in the morning, calming his every nerve, every jitter. So refreshing, so raw, so soothing.
"I can say it now, right?" Shubman teased.
Ishan laughed, hugging him tightly, "I love you too. I love you, I love you, I love you so much, Meri Jaan."
"Tere muh se ye meri jaan sunne ke liye taras gaya tha main."
"You wouldn't have to anymore, Meri Jaan." Ishan whispered, snuggling onto him.
"What were you doing by the way?"
"Writing something." Shubman replied, basking in the warmth of his Ishan.
Ishan's eyes lit up as he looked at him, "Are you releasing something new?"
"I just started, Ish."
"Oh, I'm already excited," Ishan mumbled, burying his face into Shubman's neck.
Shubman yawned, wrapping his arms around Ishan tightly.
"Are you sleepy, baby?"
"Hmm."
"Then, you should sleep. Come on, get up." Ishan said, trying to get up but Shubman held him down.
"No, I don't want to," He whined.
"Do you want me to pick you up and take you to the bed, again?" Ishan asked, teasingly.
"Again?"
"Who do you think took you to your room when you slept while watching movie the other day?"
"Oh, it was you. You didn't break a bone or something, right?" Shubman laughed.
Ishan rolled his eyes, "Shut up, I can pick you up easily. You're not even that heavy."
"Sure, sure."
"Are you challenging me?" Ishan exclaimed as he got up.
Shubman giggled as Ishan picked him up, "No, I'm not. Oh my God, baby, put me down."
"Do you actually want me to?" Ishan smiled, leaning closer to his face.
Shubman thought for a second before fully leaning onto Ishan and wrapping his arms around his neck, "No, actually. I kinda like it."
Ishan chuckled, carrying him inside. Shubman smiled, nestling more into his neck.
"What are you doing, Meri Jaan? I might actually drop you." Ishan said, feeling ticklish by the movements.
After reaching the bed, he gently put Shubman down and kissed his forehead, "Good night, Meri Jaan."
"Where are you going?" Shubman asked, pulling him back as Ishan started to leave.
"To my room?"
"Why?" Shubman pouted, "Don't. Just sleep here, please."
"Are you sure, baby?"
"It's not like we haven't slept together before, huh. Infact we had done so much more than just sleeping." Shubman said, winking.
"Damn," Ishan whispered, amused by the boldness before Shubman pulled him down onto the bed, snuggling into him. He chuckled, hugging his Shubman back.
"I missed you," Shubman spoke after a while of silence.
Ishan looked at him before gently pecking his cheek, "I missed you too, Meri Jaan."
"Not more than me though," Shubman joked.
"Okay, fine, not more than you," Ishan said, happily willing to agree to whatever the man say.
"I love you." Shubman whispered one last time before finally falling asleep."
"I love you too." Ishan replied before drifting off as well.
-
Ishan woke up by the sunlight hitting his face through the balcony. He grogily looked around before noticing the sleeping figure beside him. So it wasn't a dream.
Ishan smiled, positioning his hand infront of Shubman's face to block off the sunlight. He slowly traced the outline of the latter's face by his other hand, the smile never leaving his lips.
Shubman stirred, finally opening his eyes, "Good morning." He drawled with his pretty and sleepy smile.
"Good morning, Jaan." Ishan replied as the man pulled him closer, cuddling him.
Ishan sighed blissfully, "This feels like a dream, a beautiful dream, doesn't it?"
"Kind of, but it's not." Shubman spoke, peppering Ishan's face with soft, feathery kisses causing the other man to giggle.
He stopped, staring at Ishan's lips before looking up at his eyes, "Can I kiss you?"
Ishan smiled, immediately pulling him in a kiss. Shubman's lips felt soft against his own, as soft as Ishan could remember. The warm, giddy and familiar sensation filled his senses as he pulled Shubman as close as he could to his body.
Shubman smiled into the kiss, finally feeling like he's back to where he belonged.
"You have bad breath," Ishan commented while pulling out of the kiss, panting.
"You're so unromantic, Ishan." Shubman deadpanned.
Ishan chuckled before they heard a knock on the door. The door slowly opened revealing Piya with a breakfast tray.
"Hey, good morning," She beamed, "I bought you your breakfast here incase you were tired by any little rendezvous that might've happened last night." She teased.
Ishan groaned, turning a bright shade of red, "Shut up, di. Nothing like that happened."
"Ah, that's a bummer," She sighed, disappointed, "It's okay though, you still got plenty of time."
Ishan and Shubman, both looked at her, half in disbelief and half flustered.
"Okay, so, Charlotte had planned a date for both of you today. Be ready on time, bye." She smiled, exiting the room.
"What's up with them?" Shubman asked, amused.
Ishan sighed, "I think they just got tired of seeing me single, alone and miserable."
"Aww, baby, were you miserable without me?"
"No, I was going around dancing everyday," Ishan remarked sarcastically, "Of course, I was. What else do you think, genius?"
"Okay, geez. I get it." Shubman said, raising his hands up in surrender. Ishan smiled, pulling him into a kiss again.
-
Hii, guys. So this was it. Honestly kinda longer than usual but I'm satisfied with it.
See, now, I'm not fond of the idea of giving people second chances, specially when it concerns your self respect. But in this case, I think they deserved this chance. They were just two young souls who got snatched of their love by the cruel twist of fate. One could say they should've fought for their love better but honestly it's easier said than done. The fights become a lot more difficult when the people infront of you are the people you love the most, the people you call your family. What matters is taking a stand for your love if you get a chance again, or maybe on your first chance, which I think they did.
Also read this as a reminder of never letting anyone else control your life. It might be difficult to fight but think of the relief, the happiness when your life would be your own. Living someone else's life will suffocate you.
Okay, bye.
Remember, you matter 💗🌌