𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝙰𝙵𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝟹𝟽 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝙴𝙴 𝙼𝙴
*:･ﾟ✧*:༶•┈┈୨ ☆ ୧┈┈•༶ *:✧*:･ﾟ
"Kai!" My legs took off before I could even command them to, running to where they just entered from the moment my eyes fell on him before I was jumping in his embrace, throwing my arms around his neck. I sensed his emotions shift from distress to glint of relief, just a little, it was still weighted down by all those ugly feelings that suddenly hit me. Fear, hurt, worry. He was really scared.
"Hey, JJ," I heard the smile in his voice, pulling me closer, until my feet lifted off of the ground, "I never thought I'd ever say this, but I really missed you."
"I was so worried," I just said, leaning back as he put me down, "I didn't understand anything since yesterday when we heard Emmaline scream, and then now when you guys called about her," I paused, my heart dropping as I looked at Uncle Warner carrying Emma with J next to him, walking to the medical wing I forgot even existed here with Sonya and Sara who came running. I looked back at Kai, frowning when my gaze fell on his arm.
"Kai," I said, feeling a worry line appear between my eyebrows at the sight of the bloody cloth, "are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he grabbed her hand when I went to touch the cloth wrapped around his wound, "just a small injury."
"Kai," Zade's familiar voice snapped my head up to him walking towards us, "you're back."
"Yup," Kai offered him a smile when Zade pulled to him, patting his back before leaning back, "you made it back alright that day?"
"Oh... yeah," Zade hesitated before slightly shaking his head, "yeah. Hey, I don't know what you know about everything—"
"Are you going to hug everyone except me or are you saving the best for last?" My eyebrows shot up, whipping my head back to Nazeera walking up to us. I didn't feel her come in from all those emotions consuming me. It felt like I was somehow suffocating. I forgot how hard this was, how I was never alone, never in control of my own feelings.
"Mum?" Kai practically breathed the word out, his feet moving until she pulled him flush against her, watching him hug her tighter, "Mum."
"Hey, habibi," she whispered, her hand going to the back of his head, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here. If I was, I would have never let anyone touch you."
I tried to focus on what they were saying, but then one emotion out of every single one around me hit me with a jolt, so strong, so... sharp. I don't know how I knew, but my gaze fell on Atlas, seeing his jaw clenched as he watched Nazeera and Kai.
I think this was such a new emotion for me, so new and yet I had an idea what it was. Jealousy. He was jealous. His eyes were pinned on Kai, his uninjured hand fisting on his side. He was jealous of Kai.
I knew this was jealousy because I felt it once, more than once, when I looked at Emma sometimes, but I don't think it was ever this strong. This was real jealousy. Like he hated the sight in front of him, like he was jealous of Kai to the point that he hated seeing this.
What's his deal? I found myself thinking, I don't know anything about him or his family. I get feeling jealous of Kai since his mum is here while his own wasn't. I would feel it too, I would feel bad for myself, but this kind of jealousy indicated more than just that. There was something so much bigger going on in that head of his, that heart.
"Atlas!" Aurora's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, watching her come running towards where Atlas is as he let out a smile when she carefully hugged him because of his still broken arm, his emotions shifting to relief. It was like her presence washed over all of his thoughts for a minute.
"Hey, Rory," he grinned wider when she tightened her hold around him before leaning back.
"I don't know how this is possible but I think I've missed you these past couple of days more than I miss you when you're in another continent," she said, but her smile was still intact when Atlas scoffed, "speaking of other continents, want to call Nia?"
"Did she miss me though?" He gave her a look, "I bet she threw a party."
"Don't say that!" She threw her arm around him, "let's go heal you first though. I'll call James down, I don't know what the hell he's doing."
"What do you mean?" Kai asked before she could leave.
"Nothing, he just hasn't come out of his room for a while, I don't think he knows you're here yet," she shrugged, "I'll go tell him."
Who's Nia? I mean I knew her, Aurora's sister, knew about her at least since she is one of them. But who's Nia to him? The moment she was mentioned the anger and jealousy that had clouded his expression moments before seemed to melt away, replaced by a sense of longing and satisfaction.
After James took Kai and Atlas to heal them, I headed upstairs to my room and thought I'd draw everything and everyone out since I'm alone for a few. I didn't want to think about what happened to Emma or Kai or even me. I didn't want to have any thoughts, even my own, but that's not what happened.
Because one thought lingered. One person.
I don't think I've ever seen someone this angry at someone else's happiness. That was pure envy. The ugly kind. Like he couldn't bear the sight of Kai and Nazeera at this moment.
When I couldn't get my mind off of it, I decided to do the one thing that would shut off my mind, make it focus on one thing, drawing.
So I grabbed my sketchbook and crayons after locking my door, and I didn't even have to stare at the white paper for a long time before I grabbed all the shades of blue I have.
Blue.
I thought his blue eyes were so different than any other I've ever seen, I said they were like the calm ocean, the soft waves lapping against the shore, inviting and serene. But now it was as if that ocean was caught in a storm, tumultuous waves crashing against one another, dark clouds looming overhead.
The tranquility that once resided within them had been replaced by a tempest of emotions, each wave carrying with it the weight of anger, jealousy, and bitterness. When I looked into his eyes, I couldn't help but feel the intensity of the storm brewing within him, a storm that threatened to swallow everything in its path.
With trembling hands, I picked up my sketchbook and a charcoal pencil, feeling the urge to capture the tumultuous storm raging within Atlas's eyes. As I pressed the pencil against the paper, my strokes were quick and erratic, mirroring the chaotic swirls of emotion that danced within his gaze.
With each stroke, I attempted to capture the intensity of the storm, the dark clouds churning overhead and the crashing waves that threatened to consume everything in their path. The charcoal smudged against the paper, creating shadows that seemed to echo the depths of Atlas's anger and jealousy.
As I drew, I found myself lost in the tempestuous scene unfolding on the page, my own emotions mingling with those I sought to capture. The storm within Atlas's eyes started to mirrored the storm within my own heart, a turbulent maelstrom of conflicting feelings that threatened to overwhelm me.
A lot of feelings that caused a flood, not fitting for my mind alone. A storm. A storm that I was stuck in, not being able to escape or get lost within it, I was just forced to watch everything swirl around me, every emotion hit me while I took it in and tried to make room for myself.
But still, I continued to sketch, driven by an unspoken need to capture the essence of the storm, to bring to life the tumultuous emotions that raged within him. And me.
As I finally set down my pencil, I found myself staring at a drawing that captured not just a stormy ocean, but the very essence of not just Atlas's soul. But mine also.
I think it was my soul portrayed in his eye color.
✧༺★༻∞
"What are you doing?" I asked James when I stumbled across him walking towards the lab. Kai was in with Emma, who was still sleeping, so I don't think he's going to come out anytime soon.
"Uh, studying these things?" He motioned to the small bag in his hand.
"What is that?"
"Some sort of pills," James started, "J said that Kai told her they gave them to all of you to disable your powers."
"What?" I frowned, disable our powers?
"Yeah, I know, it's weird," he replied, "I didn't know something like this even existed."
"That's why my powers weren't working," I unintentionally said out loud.
"They put it in the food— wait, hold on," he said when his phone rang, taking it out before sighing and answering, "hey, J."
I couldn't hear her at the end of the line but James's replies indicated that Uncle Warner was losing his mind and sending J to the verge of insanity again, so James better go check on Emma and tell them specifically when she's going to wake up.
"I need to go before he beheads me," James told me before putting his phone back in his pocket, doing a double look towards the lab door before handing em the bag, "can you give this to the girls? Tell them I'll be right there."
"Yeah, sure," he took it from him, watching him until he was out of sight and was about to head to the lab but my feet stopped me, my eyes going to the bag in my hand again. They can shut down my powers. I couldn't shake it off. The idea of temporarily turning off my abilities seemed like a welcome break, a chance to escape the relentless wave of emotions that threatened to overtake me.
Without fully comprehending my own actions, I reached into the bag and retrieved a handful of pills, my fingers closing around them tightly as if they were a lifeline in the midst of a storm I felt I was in. The weight of them in my palm felt heavy, a tangible reminder of the power they held to alter the very essence of my powers.
I was about to head to the lab and give them the rest of what's in there when I felt a presence behind me, my breath catching at the thought of who might have saw me. I held my breath and slowly looked back, my eyes meeting with icy blue ones. Nothing like the ones I was forced to be stuck with for those past days, not anywhere near the colors I used to paint that ocean I drew in my sketchbook earlier. Nothing like Atlas.
Ivan.
As Ivan's icy blue eyes bore into mine, I felt a surge of panic ripple through me, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. His gaze held an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. I tried to sense his emotions, but he gave nothing away. There was nothing to feel. He just stood there, his hands tucked into his pockets with his head tilted at me, like he was studying me, as if I'm a math equation he was trying to solve.
"What do you want?" I swallowed past the lump in my throat, tightening my hold around the pills. I was doing something so wrong. That's why I was panicking, that's why being caught by someone I truly didn't care about made me frozen, his gaze suffocating any coherent thought.
"Nothing that has to do with you," he shrugged, rocking on his heals before making his way towards me, making me take a step back, but he just rolled his eyes, walking right past me, but not after he leaned in right next to my ear, talking in a low voice, "when you steal, you don't do it sloppy where anyone, who's not going to be as... understanding as I am, sees."
And then he leaned back up, not even bothering to look at me before he walked away. I watched him go, his figure disappearing around the corner, before finally exhaling a shaky breath. My fingers tightened around the pills in my hand, the weight of his words sinking in.
With a racing heart, I hurriedly made my way to the lab, the weight of the pills in my pocket served as a comforting reminder that, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I was in control. Like I was in control of choosing what I get to feel and not feel, when and how. Like it's nor forced upon me.
After I gave Sonya and Sara the pills I rushed upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me and sitting on the edge of my bed, taking the pills out of my pockets and staring at them. How many did they put in one sandwich? I think it probably lasts a day since when I came here earlier today, my powers were back on. Because I didn't eat anything.
With trembling fingers, I popped a pill into my mouth, swallowing it down with a gulp of water from the bottle on my nightstand. Almost immediately, I felt a sense of relief wash over me as the familiar hum of my powers dulled to a mere whisper.
My powers were off again.
✧༺★༻∞
"You didn't need to do all that," I smiled at Emma just linked her arm in mine with a matching grin, "you needed to rest."
"I've been resting," she brushed me off, "I literally turned into a Drama Queen, who sleeps for a whole day?"
I scoffed even when I wanted her to not joke about dying. Dying wasn't funny to me, it was freaking terrifying. I don't know how she's holding up like this, throwing me a party, and laughing all the time like nothing happened.
We just sang happy birthday and we were going to eat the cake now. I was definitely surprised today. Not just by Emma throwing me this party, but with her sticking by my side the whole time, even when Kai is, like, glued to her. He felt like the third wheel, not me. Which, as horrible as it sounds, made me happy.
Since they got together, I thought she wouldn't see anyone but him, she acted like it sometimes. Emma can be mid conversation and fall silent when he walks in, I think she forgets someone else is there aside from him. But that turned out to not be true. She turned out to know how to act and when. I mean I knew that, but I thought the Emma who's dating Kai is going to be different than the Emma I knew.
It made me feel a little jealous. How she can handle herself, how she seemed to have all her thoughts lined up, her priorities set straight. I could never do that. How can she focus on everything right now? If I was her, I would have looked myself up for days. That's what I plan on doing anyway. I really wasn't in the mood for a party or people, but she did all that. For me. I'd just be so ungrateful to turn it down or make her feel unappreciated.
"Why is he invited?" I nodded towards Atlas who was talking to Silas with a plate in his hand, "don't I get a say on who should eat from my birthday cake?"
"Come on," Emma pinned me with a look after chewing, "what was I supposed to do? Tell him to lock himself in his room?"
"Well, I can't—" I cut myself off, looking away for a second to collect whatever was going to spill out of my mouth. I can't see Amelia anywhere. That's what I was going to say, but I didn't want to remind her. Plus, I can't really compare Atlas with Amelia. At least to her.
Tell me if she's lying. You can feel it, right? Is that how it works?
It was how it works. I could've known. I could have ended this, whether it's good or bad. I could've ended Emma's overthinking. But I couldn't use my powers. I couldn't feel anything anymore because I took a pill again this morning. It felt so much easier, lighter.
I needed to deal with myself first. If I hadn't taken them, I would have suffocated myself. I would have drowned in that damn storm, drowned in my own body. It wouldn't have been fair to me. I needed to freaking breathe.
Plus, I was kind of glad I took it. Looking around, seeing how happy everyone was right now. Everyone is happy we're back. I'm grateful we're back. But... I'm not happy. Not yet. I'm not ready yet. My mind is still stuck in there.
I died.
I was kidnapped.
"I would hav lived in guilt my whole life because of... you."
The last thought made my eyes snap to where Atlas was, seeing him laugh at something Silas said, my jaw clenching at the sight. How is he able to do that? Why is it so easy for him? For all of them. Because Kai had made his way to us when I zoned out, he was now sitting next to Emma's right, his fingers brushing a strand of her hair out of her face while she smiled at something he said that I'd missed.
Why is everyone so happy? Didn't they all suffer like I did? Wasn't it all new to them?
I watched Emma's hand goes to his, linking them together as he rested them on his lap, his thumb tapping the promise ring they got together. It made my heart sink. They're acting so... normal. They sang and gave me small gifts like I wasn't kidnapped and stuck with someone who said I wasn't worth thinking about for on my birthday.
The contrast between their carefree laughter and my own turbulent thoughts was stark, leaving me feeling isolated and disconnected from the happiness that seemed to surround me. I couldn't understand how they could carry on as if nothing had happened, as if the trauma we had endured together hadn't left its mark on us all.
As I watched Kai and Emma, their easy affection for each other only served to deepen my sense of alienation. It was as if they existed in a world untouched by pain, while I was trapped in the aftermath of our shared ordeal, unable to move past the memories that haunted me.
I clenched my fists, my frustration and bitterness bubbling to the surface. Why did they get to be happy while I was left to struggle with my own demons? It felt unfair, unjust, like I was somehow being punished for something beyond my control.
A familiar note pulled me out of my thoughts, my eyebrows lowering when my gaze met James, suddenly sitting with the guitar he played happy birthday on, looking at me with grin as I tilted my head when Aurora took a seat next to him, throwing a thumbs up towards Emma.
I turned my head to her giving me a very innocent smile until I snapped, "you did not."
"Oh, come on!" She groaned, throwing her head back, "it's just a dance."
"I cannot believe I agreed to this mess," Kai sighed with a shake of his head, "I'm too old for this, Emmaline."
"No such thing," Emma shot back, "you're still young and beautiful, that's why I love you. Now, just dance, damn it."
I heard James chuckle, still playing the intro of the familiar song Kai and I used to dance when we were young. It was kind of Kenji's fault. It's always Kenji's fault. He didn't just have old movies and cartoons, but also songs. And I was obsessed, and I mean obsessed, with a song called Party In The U.S.A. And for some reason I made Kai dance with me the dance I made up, and he's been doomed to be my dance partner forever since then.
"Come on, JJ," James said when Kai stood up, standing in front of me before bowing down dramatically with his hand extended.
"You're joking right now."
"You're really going to make me do this alone?" Kai raised an eyebrow, looking up at me without fixing his posture until I took his hand.
"I cannot believe you're going to make me do this right now," I shook my head as we walked to the middle.
"Making you?" Kai tilted his head the moment Aurora started singing the verses I know and love by heart. I didn't even have time to focus on the fact that I was surprised that she sings before I spun around, doing the moves I made up with Kai behind me, probably doing the same until we both danced backwards until we faced each other, a laugh escaping me at him rolling his eyes.
I can't believe I'm doing this, God. I snapped my fingers twice to the beat before spinning around him, swaying my hips with my hair at the same time, hearing him cat whistle me until I pinned him with a look but gave him my hand anyway, letting him spin me once before guiding both hands to my waist, swaying his upper body left when I swayed mine right, laughing each time our eyes met.
"Your cousin is crazy," Kai said over James's guitar sound as we both jumped to the rhythm with my hands around his neck.
"Well, you chose her as a girlfriend," I shrugged, "what does that say about you?"
"It says I literally won in life," he grinned at me, spinning me one more time before we were face to face again, "how are you feeling?"
"Great," I lied with a smile, "you?"
"I've been better— hey, this one's your favorite move," I huffed out a laugh and linked my left arm with his, spinning one time before clapping and linking the other arm spinning again until he hugged me to him when I accidentally stepped on his foot, laughing a little, "every time."
"You get in my way!" I fired back, but this time a real laugh escaped me when he messed with my hair and pulled me to him in an actual hug.
"You'll be alright, Jett," he spoke lowly, "I don't know how you do it. You're so strong."
"Do what?" I breathed out, my chest falling up and down from dancing as I looked up at him.
"Deal with everyone's emotions over your own," he explained, his hands resting on my shoulders, "I don't think I'd ever be able to do that."
That was like a bullet on my skin, a hit on the face. I'm not strong, I'm a coward. I run away from my problems.
"Guys!" Emmaline rushed towards us, her hair swaying behind her until she was right in front of me, giving both Kai and I a grin, "that was fire."
"It's never happening again, I'm telling you," Kai warned, but Emma just roleld her eyes.
"Whatever, Zade already got it on camera," she pointed over her shoulder to Zade putting the camera down and waving at us with a smile.
"He's dead," Kai said in a flat voice, making Emma's smile drop along with Zade's when Kai moved.
"Hey— wait!" Emma yelled after Kai, following him when Zade ran out of his spot.
"Your girlfriend told me to do it I swear!" Zade shouted, moving behind the seats.
"How much did she pay you?" Kai asked in a threatening tone, "I know you, you do nothing for free."
"What can I say," Zade shrugged with a satisfied grin, "I'm a business man— hey!"
Zade ran again when Kai used his powers to appear in front of him, Emma letting out a yelp of surprise before following them, yelling at Kai to stop trying to extinct her family blood line.
She makes me feel so bad about myself. About who I am. I hated it. I hated how I looked at her right now, toning everything out. I loved her so much. I loved her so much to the point that it pained me, that it grew this feeling in me that was on the other side of the string, loathe. It was a word so strong to even associate with her. It didn't fit her. That's what I hated the most, so I pointed the arrow at me, loathed myself instead.
Emma and hatred couldn't be locked up in the same room, one had to go for the other to stay. Emma's the sweetest thing that could happen to someone. She's not supposed to be this okay. She's not supposed to feel this happy. I hated myself for thinking that, it's not that I wanted her to feel happy, it's that I wanted myself to feel okay. To be like her.
I felt my heart squeeze at all three of them laughing together, at Kai untying the ribbon from her hair to annoy her, it formed a knot in my own stomach that matched the one that was untied to free her hair. I watched her try to contain a smile that drew on her face anyway.
It was torturing me. She was torturing me by being herself. By being the sweet, kind, pure Emmaline she was. Like that Emmaline didn't die, like nothing changed, like I didn't hear her scream ring in my ears. I'm trying. I'm trying to rationalize that people are different. That she might cope in a way that's opposite to mine. But that wasn't it. People are people. She's not like people. She's different. She's Emmaline.
I could never be like her, I could never be that great. She got the one thing that I wanted. Peace. I just wanted a peace of mind. She got it all. She got it all under control, she was in shallow water while I'm drowning.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream until my throat was raw, until all the anger and frustration and jealousy that bubbled inside me spilled out into the night air. But instead, I forced myself to smile, to pretend like everything was okay, like I wasn't falling apart inside.
What if she's acting for your sake? What if she's actually hurt and not doing well?
Then this is worse. Because then I'd be extremely, painfully jealous. Her being actually happy could justify why she's acting like this, living this peacefully, but her hurting on the inside would just fuel this anger and envy inside of me. I could never be this strong. I could never be this kind.
I hated that there are people actually like this, that she is like this. It made me despise how I think, how rotten my mind must be to look at her that way, how jealous my gaze must have been.
The moment I felt a tear slip out, I jumped in place, looking down before making my way away from everyone. I can't do this right now. I can't do this in front of all those people.
So I quickly let my legs move, go to the elevator until I reached my floor, walking towards my room before anyone could see. And then I locked the door behind me, throwing myself on the bed. I hated feeling this way. I hated feeling so weak, so vulnerable. But no matter how hard I tried to push the feelings aside, they clawed at me relentlessly, refusing to be ignored.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the memories, the emotions, the overwhelming sense of despair that threatened to consume me whole.
——————
A/N:
I wrote half this being half or more than half asleep. So if something is messed up please forgive me.
Yall should play Lucy and Teenage Dream for this chapter.
Also I'm sorry there was no Atlas but I need to you to remember it's a Jett novella , so I lowkey need to focus on her sometimes as a character🫶🏻
Also yall I imagine kai and jett's dance as taylor and Steve's dance from tsitp. It's cutsie.