Serkan got a decent night of sleep for the first time in many months. It wasn't the sea air, rather it was his decision to face reality again and resume being a partner in his own firm. Serkan needed focus, he knew that he had been lacking it. He loved architecture, the creation of beauty with stone, steel, wood and concrete. The discipline appealed to his character. Serkan knew that his recent lifestyle wasn't who he was, it was who he allowed himself to become. It was where he escaped to and he was miserable. Serkan's biggest fear was that he had damaged his friendship with Engin and Pyril beyond repair. That loss would be the end of him and the end of ArtLife.
If he lost ArtLife through his own stupidity Serkan knew that his cycle of self-sabotage and moral decay would continue. The life of a playboy wasn't him, he knew this, but he had been running from dealing with the death of Alp and running from himself for too long. As he dressed that morning Serkan envisioned himself putting on a suit of armor, hardening his exterior to protect what was inside. He had told no one that he was returning this morning.
When he woke refreshed at his normal five a.m. Serkan thought that he might be returning to himself. He had stood looking out at the sea after his workout and made a vow to turn his life back on course. Serkan could do without sex, meaningless sex. He couldn't remember the last time that he made love, he didn't know if he ever had. Serkan threw away the rest of his coffee and headed to the office.
The surprise on Tolga's face as he took Serkan's keys should have given him an idea of how long it had been since he had shown himself in the office. Well that changed today, at least that was his intention. Leyla Haktan had been waiting at the front desk for months for Serkan to return. She knew that he had been destroyed by his brother's death, they all had, but Serkan had taken it internally, bottling up his grief and then acted in a manner very unlike himself.
Leyla had been horrified the first time she had gone to his apartment to drop of papers after hours, the party that was in full swing and the women in various state of undress hanging on Serkan made her nauseous. His drunken behavior and invitation to join the party and stop acting like she had a stick up her ass enraged her. To this day he had never apologized, instead he told her no business after hours. She had worked for the man since ArtLife was founded, she had feared and respected him, now she pitied him and mourned all that he had lost or thrown away.
Serkan Bolat was one of the most talented architects in the field and he was throwing away his God given talents to chase women and be a drunk. Leyla got angry every time she thought of him wasting his life. He was dragging the company that he and his partners had worked so hard to build down the drain. Leyla didn't know how much longer she could pretend to work for him. All their contact was via email and had been for months. Serkan was still designing but had none of the passion that he had before and that was criminal in her opinion.
Her shock was apparent when the object of her thoughts walked through the door looking almost like his old self, tanned and slimmer but his eyes seemed clear, "Good morning Serkan. It's a pleasure to see you here today."
He stopped in front of Leyla and could see her shock, confusion, sadness and a hint of disgust still in her eyes. Serkan knew that he had damaged his relationship with her as well. Not that she worshipped him, Leyla had respected him, hell, he had respected himself too but no longer did. Change was past due.
"Good morning Leyla. What do I have on my calendar today? Anything? Or is the shock of my appearance stolen your voice?" he began to head upstairs to his office. A momentarily stunned Leyla hurried to follow and began to rattle off the calls and meetings that he had on his calendar. Over the past year she never knew which ones he would attend, sometimes missing calls altogether without warning.
Leyla had taken abuse from him for years, now it was her turn to give some of it back. She followed him into his office, "Not lost my tongue, though I will admit to being surprised to see you," Leyla went for broke, "Are you staying the whole day or did you just end up here by accident?"
Serkan studied Leyla, she had every right to be angry, he had treated her terribly. It tasted foreign coming from his lips, "I owe you an apology Leyla. You have every right to be angry with me," she stood in front of him not giving an inch, "I do apologize for my treatment of you, it was crude and cruel," still not an inch.
"So are you here to work or just here for messages?" she asked with quite a bit of disdain.
"Here to work. Here to try to begin mending fences . . . . . .here to try to get my life back together," he confessed.
She nodded, it was about time, almost two years late but still better than nothing. She handed over his messages and calendar for the day, "As you can see your calendar is a bit on the light side and you only have a couple of messages. Should I inform people of your return?"
He was looking at what she handed him. One meeting and two messages, he had been more absent then he even realized but then when you are looking at things from the bottom of a bottle your perspective was distorted, "No need to inform people. I'll go see Engin and Pyril as soon as they get here."
Frowning, "They're already here."
Serkan looked at her in surprise. Since when did Engin and Pyril get to the office at seven and then it hit him, since he had stopped being a partner to them. "Thank you Leyla, are they in Pyril's office?"
She nodded before turning to leave, Serkan watched her go and geared himself up for a tough meeting. Heading down the hall, Serkan noticed that none of the staff would meet his eyes. He had thoroughly torched his reputation and now would need to earn their respect again. Serkan let out a derisive puff of air, he needed to learn to respect himself again too. He was about to knock on Pyril's door when he heard them talking, arguing.
"I'm done Pyril, I can't do it anymore. We need to dissolve this partnership and strike out on our own. Serkan hasn't given a shit about us in almost two years, he's too busy drinking and screwing his way through life."
He rested against the wall, he was so ashamed, it was time to face the music. He knocked and waited to be invited in. A terse "Come in," was sent his way.
Serkan entered the office to the blank stares of Engin and Pyril, "What are you doing here Serkan?" asked Pyril coldly. "We didn't think that you knew that this place existed anymore."
"I deserve that. . . . . . "
Engin got in his face, enraged, "You deserve that? You have no idea what you deserve. You've left us while you've been out whoring around. It's been Pyril and I that have been keeping this business afloat. I don't give a flying fuck that you are the majority partner. You've done next to nothing for almost two years!"
He stepped back at the anger directed at him. Serkan's first reaction was to reply in kind or be flippant but he knew that would only enrage Engin further. He tried for honesty instead, "I know Engin. I know that I've fallen down on the job and failed you and Pyril as a partner. Hell I've failed myself as a basic human being," Serkan sat down hard, "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore, so I'm starting from ground zero. I'm starting with what I know, and that's being an architect. I thought that I could work my way back to being a decent human again."
Pyril laughed without any warmth, "And we're supposed to believe you why? Because you showed up today?" she got up from her chair and began to leave. Serkan stood and stopped her.
"Pyril, please wait. It isn't because I showed up today but I do plan on getting my life back on track. I could make excuses all day long but that would be all they are, excuses. There is no pardoning my behavior. . . . . ." that was when she slapped him.
"You have treated us like dirt Serkan. Engin is supposed to be your best friend and you have done nothing for him, for us. You have taken yourself out of our lives in favor of cheap women and booze. . . . Oh we got the baby gift . . . . . from Leyla! Do you even know our child's name? Or gender? Do you?"
Serkan blinked at her, she was right, he didn't know. He closed his eyes to hide his shame and said softly, "You're right, I don't know. I've been so caught up in myself that everyone else has taken a backseat. I am truly sorry for my behavior." She didn't care to hear his apology and left the office.
He turned to Engin, "You want to dissolve the partnership? I heard you. It's what I deserve but what I'd really like is a second chance to prove that I'm still worthy of being a partner, of being a friend."
His oldest friend shook his head sadly, "I don't know that we can trust you not to abandon us again. . . . . You weren't the only one devastated by Alp's death. He was my friend, my brother too, but you made everything about you. Never once did you give a thought to how I was dealing with his loss. It never occurred to you to be concerned about anyone but yourself."
"I have no words Engin, none that will justify my behavior, absolutely none. I haven't recognized myself in a very long time and instead of getting help I kept running, burying myself deeper. I never intended to hurt you and Pyril. I'm still pretty messed up but I promise to try. I can't go on like I had been living but damn it I just felt so empty. Instead of turning to you I turned to meaningless things and they made me feel worse so I drank to deaden the pain and started the cycle all over again."
Engin stared at the man who had been his best friend since he was five and he didn't recognize him, "So why are you here today?"
Turning damp eyes to Engin he confessed, "Because this was my home for years, this was where I knew who I was. I've lost myself and I'm hoping that by being here I can find myself again. Being an architect is who I am. I have to go back to my core to find myself again. . . . . . I understand if you and Pyril don't trust me. I don't know that I trust myself but I have to start somewhere. I have to gain my self-respect back."
"Good luck Serkan, you're going to need it. In case you haven't noticed a lot of the people in this office won't be too happy to have you back. You burned a lot of bridges."
He nodded his head in agreement, "I can see that, even Leyla looks at me with disgust. When I came to this office no one would even meet my eyes. I don't know what I was thinking Engin, we were all so happy and then it was gone."
Engin sat across from him, "And your solution was to become this wasteful playboy? A different woman every night, drunk out of your skull? Do you know why Leyla looks at you with disgust? You told her she needed to get laid Serkan, she came to your apartment with work and you had the nerve to tell her that."
"I don't remember. I truly don't."
"And how about all those times that I dragged your drunk ass to the shower, do you remember that? Or chased some random woman out of your bed? Any of this familiar?"
Hanging his head, Serkan said quietly, "I'd like to pretend that I don't remember, but I do. You took better care of me than I took of myself. I'm sorry Engin, I know those words are useless unless I back then up and I intend to. I need to earn back your respect and your friendship, all I ask is that you give me a chance."
"One chance Serkan, don't screw it up. This is from me not Pyril, I'm not sure if she's going to forgive you anytime soon."
"Fair enough Engin," Serkan knew that he had a long way to go to earn the rust and respect back, "I guess if I had always been a shit this wouldn't have been as big of a deal," trying for humor.
"Not even funny Serkan, not even funny. I'll walk with you back to your office and try to start catching you up on where we are on some of the current projects," Engin escorted him out of the office so that Pyril could come back in.
The two men were working on a tentative truce. If Serkan hadn't been so ridiculously talented Engin would have given up a long time ago but this was his best friend, he had already lost Alp, he didn't want to lose Serkan too. Engin was also thankful that Serkan was able to pick up on projects quickly and see where the design was weak and make improvements. They spent four hours together before taking a break, the time had flown by as Serkan became immersed in the projects. This was the man that Engin remembered.
Before Engin left for lunch Serkan stopped him, "I don't have a right to ask this yet, but your child?"
Engin rolled his eyes, "A son Serkan, we had a son. His name is Can and he's six months old now. Don't tell Pyril I told you because you received his birth announcement."
"I guess that I need to go through my mail again. Thank you Engin, for meeting with me and for giving me another opportunity to prove that I still deserve to call you friend."
Serkan didn't want to leave the safety of his office and asked Leyla if she could order lunch in for him. He should probably check his food before he ate it to make sure that she hadn't slipped in some arsenic or ground glass. When it came it was the same salad that he always ordered, this small bit of routine was a comfort to him. Serkan stayed at the office late, he had asked Seyfi if he wouldn't mind stopping by his apartment to pick up his mail that had accumulated. He agreed to pick it up at his mother's house but he didn't give a date or time, just the agreement to pick it up.
He stuck to the routine of getting in the office early and leaving late, it was something that he had done quite frequently. Serkan had made it two weeks as of this morning without a repeat of the slap from Pyril or the disdain from Leyla. He was deep in a design when Leyla knocked on his door, "Um Serkan? You have guests in the large conference room."
Not bothering to look up, "Tell them to make an appointment and I'll see them then."
"Um, I don't think that they're the type to make an appointment Serkan."
He put his pencil down with a decided snap, "Fine, I'll see them."
They were finally looking at him in the drafting room but this time their look wasn't one that Serkan could decipher. He strode into the conference room and came to a dead stop when an angry older woman confronted him, "I've done the job as long as I could. The attorney says that they belong to you," she slapped an envelope on his chest and marched out leaving a very bewildered Serkan staring at the three children in front of him.
The oldest glared at him before jumping out of her chair, Serkan couldn't interpret the look that she tossed to her brother and sister before she flung her arms around him, followed by the boy and other girl, "Daddy!" she cried, "We missed you so much."