Ishan's phone was ringing for the 14th time in a row while he was busy bawling tears, he was in his room sitting on the edge of the bed, curtains veiling the windows were allowing dim evening lights to slant in.
15th ring of the phone invaded Ishan's ears, somewhat tapering his sombre state as he turned his head to look at it continuously buzzing and discovered Raj bhaiya calling. Managing to cease his sobs and composing himself, he took a deep breath wiping his tears before extending his hand to pick up the phone and receive the call.
"Hello, han bhaiya", he snuffled, clearing his throat, his voice even heavier.
"Abey call toh uthalo mummy ki, tumhe parso se call kar karke pareshaan hain bechari aur hum khud tumhe kabse call laga rahe hain, utha hi nahi rahe ho!", Raj bhai chided as Ishan snuffled again.
"Bhaiya wo busy tha, matches, practice sessions, bilkul hi time nahi mila"
"Are toh ek second toh hoga tumhare pass batane k liye ki unka beta theek hai, swasth hai, agar busy ho toh kuch der baad call back bhi toh kar sakte ho. Abhi thordi der aur call nahi uthate na toh hum seedha Shubman ko hi phone lagane waale the"
Similar to sprinkling salt on the burn, a pang of hurt pierced Ishan's heart at the mention of name, "Sorry bhaiya bhoolgye, kar lenge mummy se baat, ab daantna band karo", Ishan pouted hearing Raj bhai tut, "Are daant nahi rahe hain bhai, chinta hone lagti hai"
"Hmm, nahi hoga abse" Ishan assured, musingly drawing figures on the bedsheets.
"Acha yeh batao, theek ho tum? Awaz itni baithi baithi kyu lag rahi hai? Cold hua hai kya?"
Ishan's heart exuded in gloom, as he gulped the lump in his throat to not let himself burst in tears then and there, "Han, shayad cold hi hua hai"
"Toh dawa vagerah lelo koi"
"Lelenge, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
"Kaam par jaa rahe the, fassgye hain traffic mein"
Raj bhai told as Ishan heard a relevant blaring horn from the other side being followed by a very candid curse 'chutiya saala', it caused a smile to form on his lips, without his brother's struggles he wouldn't be here, his father would have never permitted him to play in the first place if it wasn't for Raj bhaiya who decided to drop cricketing and instead chose a 'stable profession' as a surgeon.
His thoughts halted as he caught Raj bhai roaring another profanity 'abay chutiya itni jaldi hai ki traffic signal hi tord denge matlab', this time Ishan couldn't help but erupt into a laughter, hearing Raj bhai snicker too.
"Kya? Has kya rahe ho? Humari aadhi zindagi traffic mein hi jaa rahi hai, funny toh kisi bhi angle se nahi hai yeh, aadhe ghante se koshish kar rahe hain ki hospital pahunch jaye par aadha ghanta toh humein yahin khade khade nikal gya hai or yeh bawla suar humari car mein dent aur maargya"
Ishan chortled even louder which soon faltered into a weak smile, bustle of horns and vehicles constantly pervading his ears, "Bhaiya?"
"Hmm?"
"Apko kabhi pyar hua hai kya kisi se?"
"Karte toh hain tumhari bhabhi se"
Ishan clicked his tongue, hissing, "Are matlab kabhi apko kisi aise se pyar hua jissey nahi hona chahiye tha par hogya aur ab aap keh bhi nahi sakte ki aap usse pyar karte ho"
"Han hua hai na cricket se"
Ishan sulked, "Aap toh aur bura feel kara rahe ho, insaan ki baat kar raha hun mai"
Raj bhai chuckled and went silent for a while before answering, "Shayad nahi, aise toh nahi hua kabhi humare saath"
"Kya chal kya raha hai, tum yeh aise sawal kyu puch rahe ho? Tumhe hogya hai kya pyar?" He further added, asking it like he was talking about the climate, unaware of his brother's pathetic situation.
Ishan felt an overwhelming surge of emotions, timidity, excitement, dejection, longing, apprehension surrounded him, absolutely imprisoned him, however, one thing he didn't felt which he had been feeling for days and days was the confusion, all his doubts were crystal clear now and undoubtedly he was in love with his bestfriend, Shubman Gill, he was in love with a person he shouldn't have fallen for.
He wonders when and how did it happen.... memories flashing in his mind like a film
Perhaps then when he was persistent to bring Shubman out of his shell in their former days because he just couldn't withstand the boy being all nervous and insecure when he had so much potential and was born to be a star, perhaps then when he saw him smiling for the first time and he wanted to dive deep into those dimples and never come out again, perhaps then when Shubman followed him like a puppy being attached to his hip and he pushed him away pretending to be irritated but secretly liked it, perhaps then when knowingly or unknowingly Shubman had become his habit, perhaps then when he himself felt physically hurt whenever Shubman got injured, perhaps then when he celebrated Shubman's victory like his own, perhaps then when his heart skipped a beat whenever a smile smeared Shubman's lips making his applecheeks puffed and eyes creased, perhaps then whenever Shubman frowned at him not understanding anything and leaned closer for an explanation, perhaps then when Shubman smiled at him and his dark brown eyes sparkled beaming nothing but innocence and giddy, perhaps then when Shubman looked at him with those puppy eyes radiating nothing but pureness, perhaps then when everytime Shubman engulfed him into a warm embrace and he felt comfort sheathing him like he couldn't know comfort better than this, like comfort wouldn't even exist without this man, perhaps then whenever they met after a long time and Shubman jumped on him hugging him tight and he felt he had finally reached home even though he might be returning from 'home' only, perhaps then when he felt dearth of 'something' whenever they were seperated, perhaps then whenever Shubman looked up at him while resting head on his lap and the words fell into silence and all he could focus was on that goddamn smile, perhaps then when Shubman's happiness started to matter more than his own, perhaps he had fallen long ago or perhaps he had fallen a moment before, perhaps he knew it all along or perhaps he realised it a moment before, perhaps he kept falling deeper each time or perhaps he fell hard altogether, all he knew is that he couldn't fall out now.
"Ishu, what's up? Is everything okay?"
Raj bhai's concerned voice snapped him out of trance as he took a deep breath, nodding, "Yes, everything is fine, bhaiya. Mai apko baad mein call karta hun, mummy se baat karlunga mai, okay?"
"Han chalo theek hai, hum bhi pahunch hi gye, baad mein baat karte hain, bye"
"Bye"
Ishan hung up tossing the phone away as the click of door opening seized his attention, he looked towards it only to find a tall dark figure timorously entering.
"Ish" Shubman softly yet worriedly called before closing the door behind himself, switching on the lights making things to be visible he proceeded towards Ishan to sit beside him who just quietly stared at him unlike his very rapidly beating heart.
"Ish" Shubman uttered again with lines of brood crimping his forehead, looking like he was about to cry he hesitantly stretched his hand to caress Ishan's cheek, his gaze studying other's swollen eyes, "Tu theek hai?"
He asked and Ishan just nodded in return casting his eyes down causing Shubman's hand to remain in empty air. Pursing his lips, he awkwardly placed it on his own lap, peeking at Ishan's side profile.
"Erm, look I-I am not good at this-" Shubman stuttered hearing Ishan scoff and glance at him, "I know".
Shubman paused before again resuming, "What were you doing sitting alone in the dark and why didn't you come down for dinner?"
Shubman had stayed away from him all day after the practice session and it was a big deal for him, the other had also denied Rohit Bhai for dinner on the call telling him that he was feeling a bit unwell, knowing it wasn't true Shubman decided to give him some space.
"Sogya tha mai" Ishan plainly replied, watching rug on the floor and blocking Shubman even from his peripheral vision.
"Itna pyar karta tha tu usse?" Shubman innocently queried, a factor of envy in his voice perpetual to whenever he talked about someone else in Ishan's life as Ishan met his gaze, instantly melting at the way he was looking at him.
"Kisse?"
"Uss hi ladki se jiske liye tu ro gya"
A smile threatened to etch on Ishan's lips as he sighed covering his face with his palms, shaking his head at the irony of situation before he again met Shubman's gaze who still looked like a lost puppy.
"What if I tell you ki wo ladki nahi hai?"
Shubman furrowed his brows, pondering, widening his eyes a moment after, "Fir kya thi wo?"
Ishan clicked his tongue, averting his eyes for a second before again looking at the oblivious thick-headed boy who barely understood anything rather than cricket, "Thi nahi, hai, Zinda hai", he specified.
"Han matlab sorry" Shubman finally blinked before again gathering the same expressions, "Kon hai wo fir and why didn't you ever tell me about it?
Ishan wordlessly stared at him, his pitch black brows, into his eyes, his lips, his haircut, everything else seemed more interesting than answering his question, however, those very eager eyes awaited an answer and Ishan had to give one.
"What if I tell you...." his voice trailed off, giving it a second thought.
"What?" Shubman stressed and Ishan sighed.
"Can we talk about this some other time?"
"No"
"Please?"
Shubman knitted his brows holding Ishan's hand in both of his own as he gently stroked it, "Ish, it's me, you can talk about anything with me, you know that right?"
Shubman solaced and Ishan dwelled upon if his heart could beat any faster. Was it going to happen everytime they touch now? Damn this inadvertent realisation.
Howbeit, the warmth around his hand felt so peacefully familiar, he couldn't bear to stay away from it yet all he wanted right now was to run off and hide himself under a rock or something, Shubman would find him anyways.
"Ish, why are you zoning out again and again? Baby, you're getting me so worried" Shubman screeched pulling Ishan into a hug and softly kissing his shoulder over the clothes, Ishan's heart thumped at the endearment which he had heard probably more than thousand times but this time it elicit the butterflies to tickle his stomach.
"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, although, I wonder what got you so stuck on this girl all of a sudden", Shubman mumbled at the end, huffing and resting his cheek on Ishan's shoulder who pulled off to look at him and gave a tired yet convincing smile, "It was long ago, I am okay now"
"Are you sure?" Shubman deliberately confirmed cupping Ishan's face acquiring a reassuring nod as he reciprocated a tight-lipped smile ruffling Ishan's hair before trailing his hand down and situating it on latter's shoulder, delicately squeezing it, "Tu khaale kuch, you must be hungry, Shall I order something?"
He gently asked as Ishan nodded gazing profoundly into his eyes, oh those eyes of him, they shouldn't contain so much care.
"Kya khayega?"
"Kuch bhi mangale"
Shubman initiated to get up but Ishan was quick to pull him down and enclose him into a hug as he deeply inhaled burying his face into other's crook of neck, Shubman being puzzled reluctantly wrapped his arms around him as well, soon settling into the tranquility.
"Ish-"
"Let's just stay like this for a while"
Ishan mumbled into his neck as Shubman understandingly nodded while affectionately caressing his back and as always Ishan mollified in his embrace faster than wax. He craved it, he needed it like oxygen, he couldn't let go of this, as much as one side of him wanted to scream his feelings out, the possibility scared him shitless, he couldn't just do it and not think about the consequences when he had so much to lose. He could hide it forever rather than ruining everything, hiding was far better than losing his bestfriend, everything was better than losing Shubman.
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Guess I was away for a while this time, well that's it for today, I'll be back soon with another update.
Lots of love♥️