"We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever."
-Haruki Murakami
~~~~
Tay
Fuck.
It was the second time we were kept waiting for almost an hour. New Thitipoom seemed to have a habit of being late for special occasions, almost as if he was doing it deliberately.
I glanced back at the crowd, eagerly awaiting his arrival from the back door of the house. Our event was taking place in the backyard, a decision my father had advised, and I didn't mind it.
The setting sun painted the sky in a golden hue, harmonizing with the party's theme of gold and white. The Vihokratana family wore white while the Techaapaikhun family was dressed in gold.
The backyard was adorned with fairy lights and candles, with tables and chairs set up for guests. A grand stage occupied the center, making me wonder if this was just a party or if my father was already planning a marriage for us.
I squinted at the sparkling decor, and Joss joined me, "Your wife is taking quite a while," he commented with a smirk.
I responded with a roll of my eyes, "Please focus on your matters, Joss. Your behavior is becoming increasingly like Gemini's."
Surprised, Joss recoiled, "What do you mean? I'm just noting the impatience around here." He retreated when I shot him a disapproving look.
"You're not waiting for Thitipoom to make an entrance, it's Gawin, isn't it?"
Caught off guard, Joss hesitated before exclaiming, "Leave it, P'Tay! It's not what you think!"
Unyielding, I continued, "Oh, really? After the incident earlier, I had my suspicions-"
"Fine! Let's drop it. I understand your point. Apologies." Joss smiled and moved away towards Gemini, who was standing with a blank expression. He appeared detached, merely nodding along to Joss's chatter. I sighed, realizing Gemini was reluctant to be there; his presence at the party was mandated by our father to uphold the family's perfect image. How ironic, given our fractured family dynamic.
It is indeed ironic how money can't mend a broken family.
Feeling the need for a drink, I headed towards the bar in our backyard. As I turned away from the stage, my attention was drawn to the large twin wooden door opening, capturing everyone's curiosity.
Mr. and Mrs. Techaapaikhun entered first, followed by Dad engaging in conversation with them. Servants and Gawin with P'Mook emerged next, with Joss eager to join them. Observing Joss pulling Gawin towards where Gemini sat, I noticed Gawin's dismissive reaction.
As Dad announced the imminent arrival of a highly anticipated guest over the mic, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the dramatic tone. This wasn't a movie.
Nevertheless, I found myself fixated on the open door, awaiting his arrival. Then like a flash... There he was. Despite my anticipation, he suddenly appeared at the open door, dressed in a golden undershirt with a jacket over it, and tight leather pants that clung to his skin. Each step he took echoed in the backyard as he approached me, revealing a glimpse of skin beneath his shirt as someone linked arms with him. Phuwin stood beside him, seemingly unbothered by my presence, with a slight smile on his lips. Returning my attention to Thitipoom, I saw his glowing face and was taken aback by his unreal beauty, almost god-like. Fuck me.
"Stop staring," a voice whispered next to me, startling me. I regained my composure and glared at Off, who winked in response.
I grumbled, "Next time, maybe wear a fucking bell so I know you're close."
"Don't use inappropriate language!" Arm scolded me, giving me a stern look before smiling at someone behind me.
As I turned around, my breath caught. He was standing close, looking even more stunning. Phuwin stood next to him, both smiling.
"We've met before," Arm beamed at Thitipoom, who blushed and nodded.
Off, feeling slighted, introduced himself and mentioned his friendship with me before Arm.
"You're acting like a child, Off," Arm teased, causing Thitipoom to chuckle.
The evening passed in a blur, with Dad and Uncle Push giving a mundane speech about our impending marriage. Engaging in small talk with guests and capturing numerous photographs took up our time. The dinner was elaborate, and gradually, guests began departing.
Taking advantage of a moment, I slipped away to the bar and indulged in some drinks. Glancing to the side, I saw New Thitipoom conversing with some older individuals. As he crouched down to speak to a young girl, all I could focus on was how appealing he appeared. That fucking ass. Those thoughts stirred a desire in me, causing my pants to tighten. I tried to dismiss them as mere alcohol-induced fantasies.
As only family remained, everyone began to retire to rest for the night. Dad approached me, "Do not overindulge in drinking, Tawan. You have barely engaged with others. It has been a long day; go back and rest."
I responded dismissively, "I am not a child. Don't tell me what to do!"
Before Dad could continue, Arm and Off swiftly intervened, stating, "Uncle, we will take care of him."
Father nodded, gesturing for the siblings to join the group conversing with Joss and Gemini. As he left, servants closed the door behind him. Gawin entered first and introduced himself to Off and Arm. P'Mook arrived with Thitipoom close behind. Observing Joss attempting to persuade Gemini to join, I doubted his willingness to participate, as he typically avoids events involving me, including my birthday parties.
Unexpectedly, Thitipoom rose and approached them, prompting Arm to tug at my shirt while raising his eyebrows. Uncertain about the unfolding situation, I shrugged in response.
I swiftly finished my Bourbon and requested another round from the server. Off commented on my pace, "Tay, slow down."
A prolonged silence filled the room until an unexpected turn of events occurred - Gemini approached our group. New Thitipoom was smiling and sat beside P'Mook. Joss was grinning like a fool and pulled over a barstool to sit beside Gawin, who in turn glared at him. Something was going on between them.
"P'Mook, can we switch seats?" Gawin suddenly asked.
P'Mook declined with a gesture before ordering a tequila for herself. Gawin continued to sulk until Arm offered to switch seats. I noticed the tense look Joss gave Arm.
"What's going on with you two?" Off inquired, glancing at Joss and Gawin.
"Nothing!" They both exclaimed simultaneously.
Laughter filled the air, except for me and Gemini, who remained awkwardly silent.
As drinks were ordered, Off, Arm, and Joss chose bourbon, similar to my choice. Gawin opted for tequila shots like P'Mook. Thitipoom opted for orange juice with Phuwin and Gemini.
Off started rambling about his fondness for Gun, already quite drunk. Joss smiled and rested his head on the counter. P'Mook had already left after the third round. After we finished drinking, I felt the effects of inebriation. Some staff assisted others to their rooms.
I declined assistance, so Phuwin and Thitipoom stayed with me and offered to escort me to my room. I showed them my room.
"It's next to your room, P'New," Phuwin said. "Should I stay with you tonight?"
"No, he won't stay with you! I'll shave your head," I warned Phuwin.
He laughed, "Be quiet, P'Tay. If I let you down, you'll fall."
"Phu, stop. He's drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying," Thitipoom said, trying to support me.
"I know what I'm saying!" I glared at Thitipoom.
"He's heavy, let's get him inside quickly," Phuwin said as we reached the door. Thitipoom tried to open it, but there was no handle. Phuwin pushed, but it wouldn't budge. I groaned at their struggle.
Phuwin expressed frustration, "How do we open this door? I dislike dealing with wealthy people! Why don't they have normal stuff at home?"
I pressed my fingers, and some sequence of numbers appeared on the door. I heard Thitipoom and Phuwin gasping and smirked. "Kao. Kao. Kao. Kao." I said, not being able to see the numbers properly. My vision blurred from being drunk.
"What?" Phuwin asked.
"The passcode," I said.
After inputting the passcode on the door, Phuwin exclaimed, "Fuck! Finally!"
"Language, Phuwin." Thitipoom scolded.
"Why do you act like Arm?" I asked Thitipoom but he remained quiet. I'll see how long he will keep up that attitude. Once inside, they helped me settle on the bed as I drifted off, hearing their conversation in the background.
"P'New... That painting." Phuwin said.
Phuwin pointed out a painting, sparking a surprised reaction from Thitipoom. I wondered if they were referring to the painting of my mom that hung on the wall. Their subsequent words became indistinct to me as I started to doze off.
A hand gently stroked my hair as a soothing voice bid me good night before the door closed with a loud slam.
"Good night, Te."
∆∆∆
Upon waking up with a heavy hangover, I was graciously greeted by P'Som, who offered me soup and medicine. Gratefully, I accepted and proceeded to the bathroom to shower due to the overpowering odor of alcohol. Despite the difficulty in making my way there, my progress came to a halt when I spotted Thitipoom standing near the large mirror in the bathroom. Half-dressed with a towel around his waist, my initial reaction was one of surprise and desire.
Approaching him, I felt an intense urge to touch his fair skin. He only opened his eyes when I moved closer and locked him in place by placing my hands next to his on the counter. Startled, he gasped and attempted to push me away, but I stood my ground, edging closer to him. "W-what are you... H-how did," he stammered while trying to resist me, but I maintained my position.
"I wanted to do this yesterday," I couldn't help but smirk at his reaction. I leaned in closer, inhaling the scent of lavender emanating from his body.
In his attempts to evade me, he inadvertently struck me. I seized both his wrists, immobilizing them behind his back. I increased the pressure on his wrists as he winced.
His complexion reddened, and he let out a small cry when I ran a finger along his spine. I silently criticized his perceived weakness.
"D-don't touch me," he stuttered, his eyes shut tightly.
I derided his plea, "You like me touching you. You're behaving like a fucking slut."
Despite his protests, I touched his flushed cheeks and chapped lips before halting at his collarbone, where red marks and a half-heart pendant on a chain were noticeable.
I seized the pendant. "Stop!" He yelled, breathing heavily.
Earth. So, is this a present from his boyfriend?
I yanked it out forcefully, breaking the chain as Thitipoom cried out in pain. Tears welled up in his eyes. "Does it hurt? It didn't hurt when he was with you? Sucking you?" I stared at him.
He gasped, "What-"
"Oh, your boyfriend, Earth, didn't leave these marks on you?" I gestured at the bruises on his collarbone. He flinched when I touched them. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Why are you crying, you faggot!"
"Let me go," he trembled.
"Not until I get what I desire," I smirked, imagining how I wanted to indulge in his beautiful skin. He let out a whimper as my lips made contact with his neck, savoring his skin. He tasted divine. The bulge in my pants grew uncomfortably hard. I wanted relief.
I removed the towel covering his lower body, and he was flushed all over. He sobbed harder, "P-please... Let me go." I felt my senses give up seeing him naked and squirming at my touch. He looked fragile yet cute and sexy. But he trembled so badly.
I trailed my hands down his waist, fitting perfectly in my palm. He had chocolate abs and was slim and curvy. I squeezed his ass gently, and he whimpered, "Te... Let me go," freezing me in place.
Te. It had been years since anyone called me that. Mint was the only one allowed before she cheated on me. She was my only love, but she shattered me beyond repair.
I saw Thitipoom, crying with eyes shut tightly. What was I doing with a naked guy in a bathroom? What was I thinking? I released him abruptly, causing him to stumble. He hurriedly covered himself with the towel, collected the broken chain and pendant, and rushed towards the bathroom door. He paused at the door, turned slightly, and locked eyes with me, tears still flowing down his cheeks.
"You're an asshole, Tawan. I hope you rot in hell," he uttered before leaving and shutting the door.
I remained immobile for five minutes, reflecting on my actions. How could I betray my sexuality by touching him? I'm straight! Why did I feel the inclination to touch him and become aroused at the thought? I felt repulsed by my behavior. Despite his numerous pleas to let go, If it weren't for his words triggering memories of the past, would I have behaved differently if he hadn't? Fuck!
In that moment of connection, I saw not just Thitipoom's reflection, but a glimpse of my own deepest fears and vulnerabilities mirrored back at me. It was a haunting realization.
The intensity of his gaze, coupled with the steely resolve clouding his features, spoke volumes about the seething animosity brewing beneath the surface.
Before Thitipoom's departure, I noticed a striking resemblance in the emotions reflected in his eyes to those that I harbored within my own being...
Hatred.