I went straight to Sofia's. I couldn't go home, not right now, so I went to my second home. Sofia's little sister answered the door and she let me right in. I went up to my best friend's room, not caring that Jake was there, and knocked on her closed door.
If it's closed, you knock.
Luckily for me, Sofia was fully dressed and looked put together. She looked at my current state and sent her boyfriend away, then pulled me into her arms. I started sobbing instantly. I didn't know what else to do.
She told me I don't need him and that I'll be okay but it still hurts so much. I don't even know how long it'll take for me to feel okay again.
Right before my birthday? Right after his? I got him such an amazing present and he loved it, but now I wish I could take it back and break it right in front of him. Like he broke me.
I worked hard so I could get it for him, worked extra hours, babysat more than ever, and got him a custom glass picture frame with our picture and our song in it.
Fuck this. Fuck him. I don't fucking care anymore.
Sofia said I could stay the night and that she'd call my mom, but I wanted to be alone now. Maybe take a bath and have some me time.
"You sure?" she asked. "I could go lil So-So on his ass if you want."
I chuckled. "I'll be fine. I think I just need a few hours to get myself back on track."
I could tell she didn't want to let me go but knew I actually did need to be by myself. "Okay, bye, babe."
"Bye. I'll call you later."
I didn't call her. I didn't leave my room for three days. I didn't talk to anyone other than my mother who brought me meals and made sure I didn't die from dehydration. I didn't see the point in getting out of bed, especially since I work remotely most of the time, so I didn't.
I hadn't showered since I got home and broke down while hot the water rained down on my skin. My sister had to check on me to make sure I wasn't doing anything... bad. I felt bad for scaring everyone but I just didn't know what else to do other than cry.
I responded to my texts and acted like I was fine via technology, but I had to change a lot of stuff. I archived all my posts with Cole on Instagram, not wanting to delete them just yet, I changed my Facebook status to single, took his name out of my Instagram bio, and even went around my room and took all our pictures down. It was too damn painful to see him everywhere. Because that's how he was in my life — everywhere.
But no matter how much it hurt, I still couldn't make myself take off his fucking hoodie. It was so warm and cozy and made me feel like my life wasn't falling apart. I couldn't even gather the energy to be my usual over-productive self with work. Just did the bare minimum and told my boss I had some family stuff going on.
He understood and asked me if I wanted to take some time off but I declined. I need money. And when I do my little bit of work, I don't think about how the only man I've ever loved never loved me back.
After my Bailey Sarian YouTube video ended, I started another one and rolled over so I could have a headache on both sides. When I'm sad I watch true crime.
I heard some peppy voices downstairs and groaned. I knew my best friends wouldn't let me wallow in self-pity.
I heard Sofia's ringtone and just let it ring out. I'm seriously not in the mood. About ten seconds later, T's started playing. Then Sam's. Even Azalea's and I never talk to her unless it's in our group chat.
Five sets of footsteps could be heard banging on the stairs, and I heard our close friend Lorelei's voice. If they call Lorelei, it's bad. "Wake the fuck up, bitch, we know you're in there."
I groaned. "Go away."
They didn't. They just opened the door and all five girls walked in. Sofia crawled into bed with me, hugging me, while the others just sat on top of the covers. They looked around and wrinkled their noses.
Yes, my room got bad again. I don't want to talk about it.
"Babe, you have to do something. It's been five days," Sofia said, trying to coax me out of bed. Again.
Wait. Five days? Wow, I've lost all concept of time.
"And?" I asked, pausing my video.
"You need to shower, first off," Loralei said, the only one with the balls to tell me this stuff. "You smell like literal death. You have to do something other than cry about Cole. He's an asshole who never deserved you. Now you have a fresh start; we're going out."
"No." I pulled my covers over my head and pulled a pillow on top for good measure. "I'm not going out. I'm staying here and waiting for my pizza."
"Yeah, your mom canceled the pizza," said Sam. "She agrees that you need to go out."
Thanks, Mami.
"Let's go," T said, walking into my closet. "We're going to a country bar. You need to let go and I need some fun before you throw yourself into work again."
"She can work from home," Azalea said, confused.
Thea shrugged. "And I'm bored. Up, Addy."
Sofia pulled my covers back and the pillow off my head. "There she is!"
I love how none of them even noticed I was still in his hoodie with no pants on. My best friends are amazing.
I sat up and crossed my arms over my chest, pouting like a baby. "Do I look like I can or want to go out?"
"You just need a nice refreshing shower." T sat next to me and pulled me into a side hug. "Bad. I love you but you stink."
I shrugged. "I don't care."
"And maybe a good face mask," Sofia added, ignoring me. "And a nice cup of coffee."
I got out of bed for the first time in five days, my legs feeling like jelly. "Fine. Go make me coffee, I'll play dress up."
I hate to admit it, but the shower felt good. I felt gross, my hair was beyond dirty, and my legs desperately needed to be shaved. Thea brought me a ton of products and dumped them on the counter. A sugar scrub that smelled like lime and coconut, a body wash that was very strong, as well as coconut, deodorant, lotion, a face mask, and eye masks. She said to do the eye masks first then bring the sheet mask into my bedroom.
I did as I was told — they also told me to shave everything so that took forever since I also had to wash my hair.
Sofia came into the bathroom to help me wrap my hair up like they said to and put the eye masks on. I think they have something more planned than just going to a country bar, but I don't care. If it gets my mom off my ass, I'll do it.
I went back to my room with the masks on and plopped down on my bed. Thea grinned and started getting out all her skincare goodies. You wouldn't think T is such a girly girl but skincare is one of her favorite things. T's never had a pimple or any kind of imperfection for as long as I've known her.
After my eyemasks were done, T pulled them off and got the sheet mask and one of her face rollers.
"What's the point of this?" I asked, letting her do her thing.
T groaned. "To make you look less dead." She pulled the mask out of the packaging and started unfolding it. "You've been crying for five days and barely sleeping. We're not going out while you look clinically depressed."
"Offensive!" Sam yelled.
I rolled my eyes. They're so dramatic.
The mask felt so weird and slimy. This is why I don't do these masks. She set a timer and told me not to move a fucking muscle. I just folded my hands over my stomach and waited. I'm glad I put my robe on and not clothes. The feeling of getting pampered by my friends was so nice and comforting.
Loralei took my old pink nail polish off before I got in the shower, now she was doing my acrylic fills and painting them red. I usually get my nails done every two weeks to keep up appearances at work but I fell off for a while and have had the same color on for almost a month.
Thea's timer went off, so she pulled the mask off my face and started rolling the product into my face, getting rid of puffiness and shit. She even used a weird heart-shaped one on my jawline and said it would help with puffiness. I don't care what she does if my skin looks like hers in the end.
"You look so zen, girl," Az said from by my feet.
I smiled a little. "I am." I truly feel so at peace right now it's crazy.
"Did you put the lotion on?" T asked.
"No, but I can when you guys are done with me."
She nodded. "Please do. Your whole scent tonight is coconut."
I frowned a little. "But my chapstick is watermelon."
"Not tonight, babe." Sam threw a tube of chapstick at me. "This is your new one."
I opened my eyes and read the label. It was coconut but I hate this brand. It always makes my lips feel like chalk. I'll just sneak my expensive shit later.
I tossed the tube on my nightstand and closed my eyes, letting Thea roll under my eyes. After my nails were dry and my face was... rolled out, I put lotion on and let Sofia, my fashion queen, go through my closet for my outfit. I was having so much fun just getting pampered that I forgot why I was sad in the first place.
Sofia emerged with an outfit that would get me out of my comfort zone. I made a face at the outfit, and all the girls nodded, agreeing it was perfect. So I got up and changed.
I wasn't sure, not feeling very cute after my week of meltdowns, but they all squealed and whistled when I walked back into my room.
I hung my robe up behind my door and went over to my desk. "Am I allowed to do my own makeup?" I asked, pulling everything out.
"Yeah, you're the only one who knows how to do that sexy wing," Loralei said, getting up and pulling her outfit out of the bag she brought.
I did my makeup as I usually would for a night out. I don't go too heavy with foundation or concealer, and my skin's blemish-free, but I did have fun with my wings. I did a thicker black wing then put some brown on my lower lashline to make the whole look smokey. I contoured my face, because I was still puffy from five days of constant crying, and combed my already thick eyebrows, only putting some clear brow gel on.
I topped it all off with some chapstick and a nice nude lip color and felt okayish. My hair still needs to be done, and I figured that's where Azalea comes in. I was proven right when she pulled out a huge curling iron and plugged it in.
"What are you doing to my wonderful hair, Az?" I asked, feeling anxious. I love my hair and usually take good care of it. That's why it's down to my hips and not dead. I keep up with trims and always use a heat protectant when I heat-style it for work.
"I'm curling it so it's less frizzy and looks like someone put effort into it." Az roughly turned my head to face forward. "Don't move, bitch."
"Why do we keep you around again?"
"Because I love her," Sam said, working on her makeup while T did her hair.
I chuckled. "And here I thought you and T would get together."
"Nah, that's us," T teased, making kissing noises.
"Well, I'll just go fuck myself, I guess," Sofia said, sounding hurt.
I peeked at her through the mirror on my desk and started laughing. She was pouting on my bed like a toddler. "I love you, Sofia, the mostest. You know that."
She grinned and started getting herself ready again. "I know. I just wanted to hear you say it."
I chuckled and let Azalea do her thing. I love it when people play with my hair, so I am in heaven right now. If I was a cat I'd be purring so hard right now.
After Az finished, I rushed to the bathroom to see her work, and I squealed with excitement. I'm not the greatest with intentional messy updos but Az knocked it out of the park. When I do it, I look like a trash goblin, but right now, I looked like a super star. I skipped back into my room and pulled my shoes on. I was actually excited to go out now. So what if I'm not in a relationship anymore, I can have more fun now. And spending time with my girls is a lot of fun.
Loralei said that, as much as she'd like to, she's not going to the bar with us because she has a date. I frowned but gave her a big hug and promised her we'd hang out more. She agreed and went on her way after hugging and kissing us all.
The other girls changed and, after saying goodbye to my mother, we were out the door and ready to party.
. . .
Okay, guys, it's going to get good now. I promise. Thank you for being patient while I build this little world that's been in my head for years. I love you guys.