Muna
The more I tried to stop my tears, the more they filled my eyes. The more I tried to calm myself, the heavier my heart felt. Anger had taken over me, replacing all the good feelings with a bitter taste of betrayal.
I thought there was something real between us, and I thought he felt it too. The feelings that immersed me whenever we spent time together, and each time our bodies were in contact with one another. Including the emotions that filled us when we kissed in the elevator.
After turning off the washing sink, I reached for a towel to dab my face dry. Walking into my bedroom, I made an effort to hold back the tears threatening to moisten my cheeks. Sinking into my bed, my eyes settled on the plant seated on my TV stand, and there was a sense of comfort that filled me as I stared at it.
I stared even harder, my eyes seeming not to want to let go. It was always like that, it was thriving and beautiful. It always managed to steal all my attention.
Sometimes it gave me the creeps, and I knew it was because of who I got it from. But then, Tim and his plant were the least of my worries right now.
My bedroom felt colder and stuffier. I needed some air. I needed to breathe. It suddenly felt like a four-wall small room with no ventilation in here.
I rose from my bed and walked to my closet. I was too exhausted to go to the gym, all I had to do was go for a walk and I would be fine. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and its matching sweatshirt. Walking to the nightstand, I grabbed my phone and some money from my purse before leaving my apartment.
Walking out of the lobby, the evening air kissed my skin, and I was a little confused about if I really wanted to walk. For some reason, I wanted to go back inside and bawl my eyes out. I hated that I was feeling this way, I didn't know why it was this bad.
Nicklaus and I were just friends. Nothing but just friends, and the kiss was a mistake. A mistake that wasn't supposed to and wouldn't happen again.
Maybe he still loved her, maybe there was something between them. Most times when exes stay friends, there is always some possibility of them still being in love with one another. Maybe I was an intruder, and If Nicklaus decided to be with Ashley, I wouldn't stop him. Not like he said he wanted to be with me.
But then, I felt cheated on. It wasn't even up to twenty minutes since we shared a passionate kiss, and there he was with her tongue down his throat.
Maybe not down his throat, but their lips were on each other's when I walked in. I was feeling stupid, used and cheated. I hated this feeling, and I swore never to let myself go through it again.
I was already walking down the street when I heard my name, and my gaze fell on the figure walking towards me with hurried steps. I blinked back the tears in my eyes for clearer vision.
"Muna, are you okay?" He halted in front of me. "I know that you've been crying. Tell me, did he do this to you?" He asked, sounding annoyed.
I blinked, confused. What did he mean by he knew? "Huh?"
"Sorry, I mean, you look like you've been crying."
Yes, I had and I needed a friend now. I needed Maya, maybe I should give her a call. I needed her to come over here. "I'm fine," I tried to smile.
"No, you're not," Tim said, studying my face like there were answers on it. Or maybe there was. I couldn't even imagine how I looked right now. "Let's get you a place to sit down."
"No, I wanna take a-" My phone started ringing, stopping me mid-sentence. I glanced down at my phone and it was Nicklaus. Quickly, I turned my phone screen off. I needed to sit, and not walk because seeing his name on my phone screen infuriated me even more. He should spend time with his girl and leave me alone. I looked at Tim, whose gaze also went from my phone to my face. "Okay," I said.
A few minutes later, we were seated in the closest coffee shop we could find. Tim was seated across from me and there were two cups of coffee suited on the table, in front of us. There were like four other people in here, and right now as I stared at Tim, I was beginning to feel like this was not a good idea.
It was Tim, the guy that might be stalking me. The guy that on many occasions had me feeling a weird type of way.
But he was calm at this moment, giving me some time to get myself together, some time to read Nicklaus's text asking where I was, which I ignored. He was calm in a way that made me doubt if he had really been stalking me all this time. Maybe it was me. Maybe Tim meant no harm.
"You know you don't have to talk if you don't feel like it," He said and took a sip of his coffee.
I reached for mine and also took a sip. It was warm and sweet. "Thank you."
"What for?"
"For this," I said, pointing the cup to him before taking another sip. "And for not pressuring me to talk." I tried to force out a small smile.
"I would never do that," he said, the corner of his lips twitching in a smile.
Wait a minute. It suddenly occurred to me, that again, Tim had from nowhere, appeared in front of me.
"Tim, please tell me you're a nice guy." I was beginning to feel something creepy on my skin.
A ghost of a smile appeared across his lips as he glanced around the coffee shop. "Why do you ask that?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "It's just, I don't know. You always managed to be wherever I was. Not saying it's everywhere but-" My phone buzzed, its screen lightening up and my gaze fell on it. But I didn't miss the sudden look that flashed across Tim's face when I spoke.
I was going to overlook the text until I noticed it wasn't from Nicklaus this time. It was from Carl. I grabbed my phone off the table, unlocked and clicked on the text.
Unknown- I am coming to New York in a few days. And we need to talk, Muna.
I read the text over and over again, and at each word, my chest grew tighter and my heart felt heavier than it was. I couldn't say if it was anger or fear but my hand, which was holding my phone was slightly trembling. And the other one holding the hem of my sweatshirt, gripped it tighter. I wasn't feeling okay.
I guess Tim noticed since he leaned towards me, asking if I was okay. I guess I shook my head 'no," because the next thing he did was ask who was texting me.
"My ex," I said before I could stop myself, my eyes still on my phone screen, reading the text all over again. I was angry. I was furious. Carl should leave me alone, and it was time I spelt it out for him.
My fingers ran through my keypad. Me- LEAVE ME ALONE CARL. I FUCKING HATE YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE!
After I clicked the send button, I went on and blocked his number.
"I just hate him, I hate him so much," I said, looking up at Tim. "Why wouldn't he leave me alone? He was the one that cheated, he was the one that ruined the relationship!"
"Muna... calm down, okay," Tim said in a low tone, glancing around the place and I realized I was speaking a little loud. "Breath," he added, focusing his gaze on me.
I released my clenched teeth and did just like he said. I needed to breathe because it felt like, I hadn't been doing that for some time now. If it wasn't Tim sitting in front of me right now, I would have talked more about how much I hated Carl, but it was Tim and I wasn't comfortable sharing that with him.
"What did he say?" He asked, and I stared at him. "Your ex, what did his text say?"
I wanted to talk to someone in detail about Carl, I hadn't done that since he started texting me, but not to Tim. "It's nothing... it's nothing serious," I shrugged.
"You don't want to tell?" Tim asked, there was no hint of emotion on his face. His eyes were empty. "Don't you trust me?"
"Uhm... no, I just," I shrugged. "I shouldn't worry you about my problem."
"No, you're not worrying me at all-"
"No, Tim, I know what I'm saying, okay? I don't wanna talk about Carl, not to you." The words already left my lips before I realized what was said, and the tone it was said in.
Tim stared at me without saying a word and scared of what he might say next, I decided to pick up my phone. I read through the five different texts from Nicklaus, asking where I was. The last one was him saying that I pick up his call or reply to his text. If he didn't stop, I might have to block him too.
Dropping my phone, I looked up at Tim and met his gaze which hadn't left me. It was hard to figure out what he was thinking or feeling. The calm mask he was wearing was very strong.
"Not to me?" He asked, but when I said nothing, he continued talking. "It's too bad you don't trust me, Muna." He stared at me, clenching his jaw.
As I stared back at him, I saw a twisted blend of frustration and disappointment etched across his face. It sent shivers down my spine, fear replacing the previous emotion I was feeling. The words, "It's too bad you don't trust me," echoed in my ears, a veiled threat hidden behind it.
"Do you not feel safe around me?"
Those words sounded more like a trap than a question. I was so uncomfortable. It was time to go. I glanced around the coffee shop, we were the only ones remaining in there.
I glanced at the door and back to him, "I- Uh-"
"Is that why you wouldn't go out with me? Because you don't feel safe around me? Because you don't trust me?" His voice grew firmer and colder. I was beginning to feel real fear. Tim might actually be dangerous. I needed to leave, like right now. "Do I scare-"
"Tim," I swallowed. "I appreciate you coming out here with me, but I really have to leave now." Not giving him a chance, I stood and flashed him a smile. "See you later, Tim."
I dragged out the seat behind me, and the screeching sound filled the air. Of course, I wasn't going to see him again. I only said that to get myself out of there.
I walked out of the coffee shop without sparing him another glance. I was trying to walk as normally as possible, which I did until I was at a safe distance away from the coffee shop.
I quickened my steps, looking over my shoulder a few times. There was a figure who looked like Tim not very far behind. There was no way he would follow me, maybe I was imagining it. It was all in my head.
My steps were still on fire until I realized I wasn't with my phone. I wasn't with my damn phone. What if I needed to call for help?
I halted in my steps, shoving my hands in my pants pockets, and finding out it wasn't in them sent me into a deep panic.
I didn't want to stay out here any longer, and walking back to the coffee shop would delay me from getting to my apartment. It was the only place I would feel safe.
I was still in panic mode when I heard my name from behind, and It was him. It was Tim.
I whirled my body in his direction, and Tim halted in front of me. His face was blank and his tone was flat, "Here, you forgot your cell phone." He said, handing it out.
My gaze fell on my phone and lingered for a second or two before I took it from him, saying a "Thank you." And hoping the rise in my heartbeat wasn't reaching his ears.
When my gaze levelled up to his again, I saw a flash of something in his eyes. It seemed like a disturbing satisfaction hidden beneath calmness.
Something felt off, leaving an unsettling chill on my skin. Not saying any more words, I turned and hurried off, my heartbeat echoing loudly in my ears.
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See you guys next week! And happy Easter holidays!