The impending final had Ishan in jitters throughout the day. He found himself pacing back and forth in the nets, unable to sit still for even a moment. Every time he adjusted his pads or gloves, it felt like everything was prickling his skin.
“You seem stressed,” Rishabh remarked.
“Aren’t we all?” Surya said with a sigh.
“No, Ishan looks stressed stressed.”
Ishan clicked his tongue in frustration before flopping down onto the grass. "Forget about playing, I haven't even watched the final all these years," he grunted, his voice tinged with unease.
“Why?” Tilak asked.
“Because Shubman’s team was always in the final,” Rishabh explained with a snort.
“Eh. That’s kind of petty, Ishan bhai.”
Ishan huffed, rolling around on the grass idly. It was true that he had been a little petty, but there was more to it than that. Watching Shubman and Abhishek play in the final would have reminded him of then. He didn't want to feel pathetic and helpless in front of them again.
“It’s okay,” Surya patted his back. “It's not like you haven't reached the finals before. You ended up winning the U-17 league.”
Ishan winced a little at the mention. “I didn't win it, they did.”
“Is it true that you were benched in the mmph-”
Rishabh was too late in covering Tilak’s mouth, and Ishan stilled, his expression darkening.
“Ishan,” Rishabh’s soft voice called out, but he was already on his feet, walking away from them.
"He's still not over it," Surya whispered with a touch of concern, while Rishabh tapped Tilak's head.
Ishan unleashed all his pent-up frustration on the balls, swinging his bat relentlessly for hours. Mayank, Siraj, and Yuzi took turns bowling to him, their movements growing sluggish as Ishan showed no signs of stopping.
"That's enough," Mayank yelled, snatching the bat out of Ishan's grip. "Do you want to kill yourself before the match?"
Ishan scowled. "I'll ask Hardik-"
"No one's going to bowl to you!"
"Fuck off, Mayank. You don't get to order me around," Ishan retorted.
"Give yourself a break,” Mayank snapped. “Tomorrow's important for all of us. We can't afford to have you fall sick.”
“Don’t lecture me,” Ishan grumbled as he grabbed back his bat and walked off, ignoring the other’s words.
Mayank heaved a sigh, running his hand through his sweaty hair in frustration. He scrunched his nose, deciding that he needed an immediate shower.
It was around dinner time that someone asked, “Where’s Ishan?”
“He’s not back yet?” Mayank’s voice grew tense.
It struck everyone as odd for Ishan to be missing after curfew time. Before big matches, they didn't usually stay out practicing for too long. Instead, they would watch a movie together and relax.
“He’s not picking up his phone,” Abhishek said, frowning.
Mayank's instincts told him that something was wrong. "I'm gonna go check in the nets," he announced before rushing out.
His heart sank when he saw Ishan lying motionless on the ground, his eyes widening in panic. He raced closer to his friends, and reached out to hold Ishan in his arms. “Fuck, are you okay?”
Ishan seemed to be hyperventilating, his breaths coming in quick, shallow gasps. “I-I tried to get up but everything is… spinning. I can't d-die before we win.”
Mayank decided against slapping his vulnerable friend and instead lifted him, cradling Ishan in his arms as he rushed back to the dorms. “You fucking idiot, I told you to not overwork yourself.”
“I was not…”
“Shut up, please.”
Everyone crowded into their room, their expressions etched with concern, they couldn't help but exchange worried looks at Ishan, who lay on the bed, his breathing shallow and erratic.
“Kyu karta hai esa?” Rohit fussed as he dampened the cloth and placed it gently on Ishan's forehead. “Haven't you practiced enough all this time?”
Ishan wanted to defend himself, but his words were lost in the haze of dizziness. He could only manage a grunt in response.
“He’s probably dehydrated,” Rishabh remarked, passing him a water bottle.
“This is all because of me,” Tilak muttered weakly. “I’m so sorry, bhaiya.”
Ishan tried to smile, but it probably came off as more of a grimace. “You all should go to sleep,” he mumbled.
They protested, but Mayank managed to convince them that he would take care of Ishan. “Do you want me to inform Coach?” He asked as he fed Ishan his dinner.
Ishan visibly tensed. “No, please, no. He will bench me-”
Mayank shushed him with the next bite. "I won't, okay? Now get some sleep." Ishan nodded, laying back and closing his eyes, only to let out a grunt moments later.
“What, you want cuddles now?” Mayank teased.
Ishan nodded, scooting over to make space for Mayank. The latter sighed and complied, knowing that sick Ishan was clingy. He gently ran his fingers through Ishan's hair, hoping to provide some sort of comfort. At some point, Ishan started drifting into sleep, his breathing becoming more even and his muscles relaxing.
"Shu…Shubi…" He mumbled as he pressed closer to Mayank’s chest.
Mayank was tempted to record it for future blackmail, but it was too much of a hassle to move with Ishan wrapped around him like a koala. "Sleep well, Ish," he whispered, planting a gentle kiss on his friend's forehead before settling down himself.
Ishan convinced himself and everyone that he was fine. He brushed off his unease, insisting it was just pre-match nerves whenever Shastri or anyone else questioned his demeanor.
Despite his efforts, Rohit and Hardik exchanged worried glances, sensing something was off. However, as the match time drew near, everyone's focus shifted, drowning out Ishan's internal struggle.
He met Shubman at the time of toss. The other sneered, “You're about to witness my hat-trick tonight.”
Ishan simply rolled his eyes, not having the will to retort back. Shubman frowned at the unusual response but shrugged it off.
Summit won the toss and chose to bat first.
Ishan and Rohit opened as usual, hitting the ground running with powerful strokes. Ishan tried to sharpen his focus and concentrate on each ball. Rohit kept checking in on him during their brief meetings in the middle of the pitch after scoring boundaries. Meridian's bowlers were more ruthless than any other team Ishan had played. Their precision and aggression on the field were unmatched, making it a challenge to gain momentum. It was clear why they were the reigning champions.
After 11 overs, Summit stood at 119 for 2.
Rohit provided them with a solid start and Rishabh followed suit, allowing Ishan to approach the game with caution. However, his head began to throb slightly as he searched for gaps in the field. The fact that he hadn't hit any boundaries for the last three overs was starting to weigh down on him. He fixed his gloves restlessly as he stood on the non-striker's end. Abhishek smashed some good length deliveries, giving Meridian a few disappointing overs.
In the dugout, Shastri frowned, noticing Ishan’s discomfort. “What's up with him? His strike rate has never been this bad,” He spoke to Hardik.
Hardik glanced at Rohit for help, but the latter only gestured for him to break it to the coach. “Um, he’s not very well. He was hyperventilating yesterday and-”
“And you let him play?” Shastri snapped. “Why was I not informed about this?”
“Ishan asked not to…”
Shastri pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down. "He is disturbed, and it's affecting his batting. At this rate, he's costing us more runs than he's making.”
Shastri called for Tilak who wasn't playing today. “Take the drinks out and tell Ishan to retire hurt in the next over.”
Hardik and Tilak’s eyes widened alike. “But he’s playing-”
Shastri's shook his head. "This isn't cutting it. Look at Gill, he's as calm as ever. They're confident they can chase down whatever we throw at them. They're not even trying to get Ishan out because he's slowing down the game just fine.”
“Ishan will never agree to withdraw,” Hardik muttered, concerned about how the boy would react.
“I'm the Coach, Hardik. Tell him it's my definite order. Lasting on the pitch doesn't matter if he’s not going big. It's for his own good,” Shastri replied sternly, his gaze fixed on the field.
Tilak looked at Hardik, guilt evident in his eyes. “I'm sorry…”
“It's okay,” Hardik sighed, frustration lacing his voice. “Look, I know Ishan wouldn't budge... So, tell him that the whole team wants him to come back.”
“But that will hurt him,” Tilak glanced sadly at Ishan in the distance.
“It will hurt him more if we lose because of him,” Hardik offered with a weak smile, sending off Tilak.
Tilak cleared his throat, watching Ishan grunt as he twisted the bottle’s cap absent-mindedly.
“What’s the message?” Abhishek asked, gulping down some glucose.
Tilak fleeted his eyes nervously between the two of them. “Coach wants Ishan bhai to… retire hurt.”
Ishan froze, feeling something snap inside him. Abhishek shot Tilak an incredulous look, “What? Why?”
Tilak hesitated, looking down. “It's the strike rate… and Coach knows that you’re not well. He says it's affecting your form.”
“I-I am trying. I can do it,” Ishan said as he felt a lump growing at the back of his throat. “It's just-”
“It’s a team decision!” Tilak forced himself to snap. “Hardik bhai, Rohit bhai, everyone, they all want you to step down.”
“No way…”
Hurt and disbelief washed over Ishan’s face as he dared to look over at the dugout, only to be met with the sight of his teammates staring back with empty expressions. It felt like a betrayal, a cold realization sinking in that they didn't trust him. Everything blurred for a moment, transporting him back to a memory he loathed.
Nothing's new.
It was like the U-17 final all over again.
The only difference was that he fought for himself back then.
Ishan glanced over at Shubman, who appeared all too happy while high-fiving his teammates, as if he were mocking their score. Mocking Ishan. Just like that day. He looked back to Abhishek, silently begging to defend him, but the look of pity made Ishan want to throw up.
‘I think it’s for the best,’ the words from then echoed in Ishan’s ears.
‘You’re dragging down the team’.
‘Shubman deserved to be the captain, not you.’
Ishan felt a sharp wave of nausea shoot through him. Life really had a twisted sense of humor, making him realize at once all the things he wasn’t. It was almost masochistic as an ugly tug of hope clung to him, waiting for Abhishek to speak up for him. But it never came. Abhishek didn't speak, didn't protest for Ishan. Instead, he simply nodded and walked back to the crease.
Oh.
Okay.
Ishan did not have to pretend when he fell limp on the ground. The last thing he remembered was Shubman shouting his name before everything faded to black.
♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧
a/n: ye toh likha hua tha isliye post kardiya but next up is the flashback y’all have been asking for. i’ll need time for that, also i’ve got some exams sooo happy suffering until then :)
i don’t think anyone’s wrong in this chp btw. it’s ishan’s brain switching to fight or flight mode. his character is inspired from oikawa and kageyama if anyone noticed. sports angst is the best lmao uske aage love story tragedies are so lame.