"Hey." Natalie's sleepy voice responded to her night call.
Clem smiled at the sound of her voice, she was aware they had been together earlier today, but she was still very excited to hear her speak again, "Hey. I'm sorry I couldn't call you earlier. My brother visited unexpectedly, so I didn't get a chance to call you before, sorry."
"That's okay." Natalie responded, comfortable in her own bed. She rubbed at her eyes, still groggy from her nap.
"Did I wake you?" Clementine asked.
"Yeah, but just in time to give Prince his dinner." Natalie replied, "I didn't know you had a brother." She responded.
"He's my younger brother, only brother. He's been stressed at school so he took some time off and came to visit me." Clem explained, tired from today's events.
"What's his name?"
"Cameron."
"Another name with a C?" Natalie asked, finding it funny and perhaps unusual.
"Oh yeah, my mama liked that." She smiled in a bittersweet way, remembering her previous conversation with her brother, "My dad's called Charles, another C, and my mom was called Caroline... she liked the idea of all of us sharing the same initials."
"I C."
Clem laughed at her word play, "I told him about you." She blurted out, unsure if that was something you said to someone you weren't even dating... at least not yet.
"You did?" Natalie sounded like she was smiling at that, glad to hear it.
"Yes." Clem said, taking her glass of water from her night stand, taking a sip from it and putting it back where it was, "I told him about your work, too. Can I say something, but don't come at me if you're against it..."
"What?"
"I think you should expose your work at a gallery. I could hook you up with someone I know." Clementine said, because ever since she had seen what Natalie was capable of, she thought it was a crime the world couldn't see it.
"A gallery?"
"You've never thought of it?"
Natalie frowned, feeling a bit against that idea since she was already so comfortable doing commissions and getting paid big bucks for them. It was way easier than being on the public eye, or having people criticize her work. "I have, but I'm not sure. That would require for me to work on a portfolio and it would be a whole thing..."
"Maybe, but you're talented." Clem responded, confident of what she was saying.
Natalie scoffed, "To some extent, but I'm nobody."
"You could be somebody."
"You think so?" Natalie asked, liking the idea that Clementine thought she could be as bright as that, but keeping her mouth shut whether she would do it or not.
"I think so. And I'm disappointed I didn't get to learn anything from you." The black haired doctor replied, because indeed she had gone to her apartment to learn how to paint... and ended up learning she was way more into women than she thought she was.
Natalie giggled, "That's because you seduced me."
"Hey! You were looking at my ass the whole time, and flirting." Clementine said, excusing herself. If she were truthful she would have just said what she thought: she wanted to touch Natalie since the first time their paths had crossed. It had been an instant attraction, some sort of spell had taken place in her life as Natalie did too.
"Okay yes, I am to blame as well." Natalie said, "You were looking way too good in that skirt."
"Ah huh, yeah sure."
"It's true! I told you, you're sexy."
Clem bit her lip, "What exactly do you find sexy about me?" She asked, wondering what caught Natalie's attention so much about her.
"Does it have to be just one thing?"
"No."
"Most things." Natalie said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Like what?" Clementine wanted to know what caught Natalie's attention about her.
"What are you trying to get at?" The redhead responded on the other line of the phone, a tone Clementine knew very well from the past few days they had spent together. Natalie was in the mood to seduce her again.
"What comes to mind?"
"You. You just are... that's all." Natalie responded, unsure still. There was something vulnerable about being honest, but it seemed so silly based on the fact they had seen each other naked.
"I wanna know."
"Your arms."
"My arms?"
"They're strong." Natalie said, "And that freckle in your ribcage, just bellow your left breast." She could hear Natalie was no longer groggy and fully awake, "Where are you?"
Clem closed her eyes for a brief moment and smiled spontaneously, knowing what the redhead was getting at with that question, "In bed."
"And your brother?"
"He's supposed to be sleeping in my guest room."
"Do you think he'd hear you?"
"Hear what?" Clem raised an eyebrow in question.
"If you, uh, made a sound?" Natalie had to make sure.
Clem could have moaned right that moment just by the question, "Why?"
"Because you got me thinking about your body... and about you. Are you available for a little chat? If you're in the mood, obviously."
Clem laughed, knowing what Natalie was implying: phone sex. "Your libido is a dangerous thing, Natalie."
"Is that a yes?"
"It's a maybe." It was a yes. It was a definitely, too, but never a truthful maybe.
"What are you wearing?"
"Pajamas."
"Describe them to me." Natalie said, her voice had turned hot and heavy, just like when they spoke in bed all weekend.
"A camisole, to be more specific." Clem stood from bed, looked out to the corridor to make sure the guest bedroom door was closed.
This felt exciting, arousing, fun. Natalie was fun... yet it felt like there was a spark for something much more meaningful than just fun.
Clem took a deep breath hearing Natalie's worked up one. She locked her door and went back to bed, "It's purple lace."
"Lace... you look really good in lace." Natalie responded, remembering Clementine's red underwear, "Anything else?"
"No."
"Not even panties?"
"Not anymore." Clem said after removing them and throwing them to the floor without any care.
"Good. They were gonna get in the way." Natalie said, and Clem felt a gentle tingle up her spine, wishing Natalie were whispering all of this in her ear.
"What are you wearing?"
"Nothing."
"Ah." Clem could picture it, "Shouldn't you be feeding your cat?" She grinned, because she liked teasing her, even if she was enjoying this just as much as her.
"He can wait a few minutes, he's not impatient like me." Natalie said, "I've been thinking a lot about what we did in my living room."
Clem smiled spontaneously, a sexy smile that Natalie would have loved to see, "When I fucked you?" She wasn't afraid to say it explicitly, and she realized she said it quite proudly. The flashback of her being behind Natalie... she liked that position and view a lot... and it was one that she wanted to repeat.
"Yes..."
"And you strangely referred to me as 'Doctor'."
"Fuck I forgot about that, it was the heat of the moment... but yes, I was thinking about you fucking me... calling me a good girl."
Clementine had to turn off the microphone feature in order to let out an excited squeal without Natalie hearing her. — She felt like she had a teenage crush, acting like a bitch in heat. Natalie made her feel excited and alive, "You like that a lot, I see." Clementine could feel the dampness that began to form in between her legs when she made Natalie come.
"Mhmm... I like it when you call me a good girl." Natalie said.
"And I like it when you're a good girl for me." Clem replied, her voice in a flirtatious tone, "You know what my favorite part was?"
"What?"
"When I got my fingers inside you."
"Mmm... that was my favorite part too." Natalie responded in a husky tone, "I can remember how good it felt."
"Yeah?" Clem smiled, "I want to do it again."
"I get hot when you order me around... so dominant."
"Do you want me to tell you how to play with yourself?" Clem asked, acting like she wasn't panicking over how much she wanted Natalie after having a taste of her.
"Yes, I'd like that."
"Mmm... leave me on speaker. You're gonna need both of your hands." Clem closed her eyes and turned off her light, trying to imagine how Natalie looked like right that moment, in her bed, bare and wet.
"Done."
"Do you have any toys near you?"
"I do." Natalie smirked, opening her nightstand looking for one of her favorites.
"What is it?"
"A dildo."
"Keep it close by." Clem said, feeling herself grow hotter by the minute, "I'm taking off my camisole now."
"How do I know you're not lying?"
"How do I know you're actually naked?" Clem asked, and before Natalie spoke again, she received some very explicit pictures of Natalie right that moment, with said dildo on her night stand. "Fuck, Natalie. You're making me want to go back there and call in sick tomorrow."
"You want me to tell you not to?" She asked, because truly, if Clem decided to head to her place, she wouldn't go against her.
"If I was with you in bed right now, what would you do?" Clem asked, stroking a hand up and down her thigh under the covers, teasing her sensitive skin, wishing it was Natalie the one touching her.
"Kiss you hard, throw you in bed and have my way with you."
"Oh yeah? I like being worshipped."
Natalie laughed, "I'll definitely worship you, baby, I also like it very much when you worship me."
"I want to do that more."
"We can figure something out... maybe Friday again."
"I think Wednesday would be a good day for me to fuck you again." Clem suggested, because there was no way she could survive until Friday with such craving, such surprising lust that came to settle every time she thought of kissing Natalie.
"I'm not against that... in fact all this chat feels like a nice foreplay, but I like to cut right to the chase. Can I see you?"
Clem hesitated, she had never taken much pictures of herself naked, but she trusted Natalie. So she sent a few, "You're fucking hot." Natalie said, "I wanna lick that freckle... and make you feel good."
"Now that you've seen me, and I've seen you... lick the tip of your fingers, and tease your areoles, slowly. Barely touching your skin. I want you to feel every small tingle." She did the same to herself, and smiled when she heard Natalie gasp at every small sensation.
She could get used to this; Natalie. Natalie and her red hair and freckles... her thighs, her voice, her artwork in every wall of her place... perhaps she was daydreaming too much.
Her daydream was cut, a knock on her door, "Clem!" Her brother yelled, knocking on her door again.
"Fuck!" Clem groaned, "Natalie, I've got to go. I'm sorry. My brother..."
"It's fine, it's fine." Natalie panted.
Clementine ended the call and grabbed her robe quickly, wrapping it around her. She went to get the door, "What?!" She said, annoyed her brother had interrupted her just when things were starting to get hot and heavy with Natalie on the phone.
"I'm ordering sushi, want some?"
"We already had dinner." Clem rolled her eyes dramatically. This was why she had to end her phone call with Natalie? Raw fish?
"I'm still hungry, kale might feed you, but not me."
"You came to ask me about sushi?"
"What? Were you sleeping?"
"No."
"Why is the light off?"
"I was meditating." She said, proud that she had managed an answer so fast, without even stuttering.
"Alright... wanna meditate on sushi?"
"Okay fine, order me some sashimi."
"Salmon or tuna?"
"Salmon." Clem said, "Anything else?"
"Wanna get drunk and read mom's diary?"
Clem couldn't help laugh, "Okay fine." She said, even if she was disappointed she didn't get to finish what she had started with Natalie. But she loved spending some time with her brother, so she couldn't stay mad at him. "I have to do something first, I'll join you in the kitchen later."
Cameron didn't ask and kept ordering on his phone, while his sister rushed to her phone to call Natalie and lock herself in the bathroom. "Hey. I'm sorry I left you hanging."
"You didn't..." Natalie's breath remained as worked up as a few minutes ago, "I was touching myself to that picture you sent me."
Clem grinned, "Yeah?"
"Mhmm..."
"I don't recall giving you permission for that."
"You left me hanging, though."
Clem laughed, "I'll make it up to you on Wednesday. Enjoy yourself, Nat."
"Thank you very much." She said sarcastically.
Clem bit her lip, "Be a good girl and fuck yourself for me, yes? Send me a voice note of the noises you make..." She whispered, making sure her brother wouldn't hear a word of what she was asking of Natalie.
Natalie gasped, "I will."
Clem ended the call and made her way out of the bathroom, feeling left on edge. She put on her slippers and went to find her brother in the kitchen, trying to open a bottle of wine. "You little fuck! That's an expensive one!"
"I know." Cameron grinned, fiddling with the corkscrew.
Clementine pushed him out of the way with the swing of her hip, "Hey!" Cameron exclaimed. She took the corkscrew from him and opened the bottle in a smooth movement. "That's because I left it loose for you."
"Yeah, ah-huh." Clementine grabbed two glasses and poured wine into them, a smaller portion for her brother.
"That's not fair... you get a whole ass pool and I get a shot?"
"I'll refill you later, but this is my expensive wine, so I ought to have a pool of it." Mainly because she was still very horny and needed something to calm down, Clementine shrugged her shoulders, "What time is the food coming?"
"In about 30 more minutes." Cameron said. "30 minutes you could use to speak to your girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend." Clementine grabbed the cork and threw it at Cameron. "Stop teasing me about it."
"Natalie and Clem sitting in a tree! K - I - S - S - I - N - G!" Cameron sang, loving how Clementine's features turned into a death glare.
"Stop!" Her deep voice spoke, cutting her brother's kidding around. There was something that made Clementine feel uncomfortable about her brother's visit, like there was a gigantic detail she was missing, something in him that was out of character when it came to his body language.
Cameron tasted his wine, "I kind of saw it coming." He said, taking a seat at the kitchen island.
"What?"
"You being gay."
"How come?"
"Alyah, your 'pal' at school," He said, signaling air quotes with his fingers, "And I guess Lacey, too."
Clementine looked away, "But I always had boyfriends..."
"Yet you were more interested in anything else than them." Cameron said, "Which is fine." Her brother looked at her for a second, his eyes showed understanding and softness, nothing threatening like the eyes her father had. They were the same color, but they were two different souls.
"How did you know?"
"I think it was 7th grade."
"Really?"
"You were watching some movie with your friend and I walked just when the lead was getting his shirt off. My first boner."
"Okay, too much information." Clementine made a face of disgust and took a generous sip of her drink, "Does dad know?"
"Oh he has no idea." He laughed, "He even said I should get in a better shape and asked Dimitri to help me out."
Clementine rolled her eyes, "Of course."
"Gay men are different than lesbians, though. We can have casual sex for years and not catch feelings, but you? I bet you're gonna marry Natalie."
"Oh God, Cameron, I've known her for less than two weeks." It was way too early to think about marriage or spending the rest of her life with Natalie, she only knew they got along and she enjoyed her company very much... besides the sexual factor.
"If you like her now it's going to escalate, just saying..." He said, "...it's not a bad thing, it's just what I've seen. Women are different." Cameron grabbed the bottle and poured himself a bit more, without going overboard. He knew his limits well, yet he was here in her apartment, when he had a life at the other end of the country.
Cameron was like her mother emotionally speaking, and Clementine was like her father, rationally speaking. She was interested in facts and the reality when it came to challenges, she was good at finding the answer to problems, but sometimes she forgot details like feelings or emotional perceptions. Her brother was a soft person, someone that thought from the heart rather than the brain, and his sister was the opposite. — They shared the same black hair, the same chin, but they were so different in many ways. It was a miracle that they understood each other.
"They are." She had to agree. No ex boyfriend had made her so excited and so hormone crazy like Natalie in just a few instances. Women connected in stronger ways, they were more open to emotions and feelings, "You know, when I was in high school I made this project about why women were more capable and better than men and I got an F."
"You did?" Her brother raised an eyebrow, surprised of this new information. They were siblings, but they were also strangers in many ways.
"It was a theory, based on my creativity." Clem smiled, remembering how proud she had been of the thesis she had come up with back then, "I was just philosophically thinking and I made the whole thing up, but I did use very credible evidence."
"How come?"
"I said that the woman or female anatomy was the first human, based on genetics... you know, mitochondrial eve. And I also objected that males maybe were supposed to be another version of women, made to mate but also a mutation after all. Evolution must have gone wrong at some point and mutated their genetics... I explained why I thought so... if you think about it, most psychopaths are men, a grand portion being criminals or serial killers. Men do live less than women, and us women have more brain cells in the grey matter of the brain. It was brilliant, at least to me." Clementine spoke, feeling inspired.
"You should definitely write a paper on that."
"I know right?! It just made sense... and it made even more sense why there are non-binary people... the patriarchy invented those terms after all, divided humans into two categories, which is just not natural. We don't say male whales and female whales... we just say whales. Like, 'Oh, look! A whale!'... humans are so obsessed with labeling everything, it's exhausting."
"Mmm." He looked at her with a side eye.
Clem looked at him with her own side eye, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Because you have been freaking out about your own labels, and now you say it doesn't really matter."
"It doesn't." Clem said, "I guess it becomes an overwhelming subject considering we have lived molded to believe certain things, and I've been intoxicated by it as well." She said, realizing her brother had a point, but also noticing how she had begun to change her usual pattern... after all she had changed her life upside down, and she felt free at last.
Ever since she realized she was getting feelings for Lacey, — obsessions over female celebrities and more, — she began wondering if maybe she had been tricked into living a life she didn't actually want, a life that she was 'supposed' to live. Trillions of fantasy plans like how many kids she would have, how her wedding would be, how her husband would be called... she never truly felt passionate about that, yet she had the understanding she wanted all of that.
"Mmm..."
"Stop 'Mmm'ing me." Clem said, "I'm learning, baby steps. And I know boundaries."
"Lesbians don't know boundaries... women get immersed and blinded by emotions."
"You think men don't?"
"We're rational." Cameron said, someone that cared so hard and so lovingly, "And thanks to the so called patriarchy we can get away with whatever we want. So we do casual sex, and you U-Haul three weeks after you first meet."
"You love your stereotypes I see." Clementine decided to ignore her brother for a second, and focus on a different theme regarding him, "So, university. I thought that was going well."
"It is." He said, avoiding eye contact all of the sudden.
Clem took a seat next to her brother, careful her robe wouldn't slip and keep her fully clothed, "Are you having doubts?" She asked carefully, unsure of what went through her brother's mind.
"I'm not." He said almost automatically.
Clem frowned at his harsh tone, "Then why are you here?" Clem asked, "Don't get me wrong, I love getting to see you. It just seems a bit impulsive of you to just... do this."
"Oh yeah, I forgot I was talking to little Miss Perfect." He spat, making Clementine want to be mean and hurtful, but she fought herself not to be.
"Wow, I'm not fucking fighting with you, just listen to me." She said, "I want to know if there's anything going on... if you're okay."
"I am okay."
"Look, Cam, if you don't want to be a doctor like the rest of us, you don't have to." Clementine said, because after all some days she thought maybe being a doctor wasn't her first idea in mind when she began to study. Hell, there was a reason why she didn't follow her parent's path and became a surgeon like them, instead she was a teeny tiny dermatologist, trapped in four walls most of the day, looking at people's moles and acne.
"It's not about that."
"What is it about then? I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, I just care." She said, careful with her tone, not wanting her brother to think she was attacking or criticizing him in any way, she wanted to understand him and help him if she had the chance to.
"I..."
"You...?"
"I dropped out."
Clem spit out her wine, Cameron grabbed a napkin quickly and helped her clean her mess, "You dropped out?!" She was surprised, she couldn't lie about that. Her brother used to send her texts saying how wonderful campus was, and how much fun he was having.
"Agh, I knew this wasn't going to be easy to tell you."
"Why?"
"You were saying the truth. I never said a word because I didn't want to be a burden on you."
"Don't even think that!"
"I don't want to be a doctor, but I also don't want to be stuck in this limbo of not knowing what to do. I thought I had it covered, you know? Become a doctor like you and our parents have, be successful and earn money and then worry about the rest... but it all feels so beige."
"Beige? Cameron, that's a color not a feeling."
"That's my point. It's a boring color. My life has always been a boring color. I hate medicine, I hate law, I hate art, I hate history, I hate math. I don't like anything." He shrugged his shoulders, drinking the rest of his wine in a large gulp. "I suck at everything, I have no talents... nothing."
"So what? Maybe you just need some time."
"No, Clem. I have no life plan." He laughed drily, "No life plan but my trust fund. That's all I have. I've been moping around since I started university and now... now I quit trying something I didn't want, to do nothing instead."
"Cam..."
"I feel empty." He said, with a tone that spoke that he felt unbothered by the fact that he didn't know what to make of his life, "There's nothing out there for me."
"Maybe you'll find something you like, or you like something and you don't know that you're good at it."
"What? Partying and having casual affairs? Do you think I could get paid by doing that?" He said sarcastically.
Clem bit her lip in thought, unsure what to tell her brother. "Take it day by day, Cam." She said, "Keep going to therapy and get out of your comfort zone... I don't know, really. I'm not the best at giving advice. I just know there's something for you out there."
Sometimes she felt like she failed like a big sister, and she tried to hard to fill in her mother's shoes, too. Maybe it was time she accepted she didn't have all the answers and all the tools in the world... time to let herself make mistakes and experience. Time for her to be herself freely.
Her phone rang, Natalie's texts. She bit her lip wondering if it was what she thought it was, but had to make it through sushi and a documentary before she could listen to her come over and over.
***
Her hair reminded me of tigers.
It was red and reckless, pure locks of fire and sun coming out of her scalp. There was truly no one like this. She was a painting, and no one, not even the greatest artist could capture her beauty. Her skin could be soft, or rough in some edges.
I knew her every texture. I had met the warm waters of the Caribbean sea in between her legs, the strong abdomen of hers, so much like a confectioned bridge, every part of it perfect in its flaws.
Her eyes: they spoke of safety, of calmness, of heaven and hell, of lust and despair – they were the greatest representation of her soul. They spoke of color and love, pure love, the kind of love that could be more than romantic, but a way of practicing love, a way of crawling out of fear in order to love.