She woke up being spooned by Natalie. Her pale hand went up and down her torso, stroking her skin soothingly. She could feel the redhead's tranquil breath against the back of her neck, but she didn't mind it.
"It's Sunday." Clem whispered to herself. She had just realized she had never done this before, stay a whole weekend at someone else's place, having sex and talking. Most of the men she would bed would be out the door the next morning, and never called her again... because that's what she had been for a long time: a nice fuck.
"Yes." Natalie smiled to herself. She was enjoying this time with Clem.
She felt like maybe they had connected in a much more powerful way than she had ever connected with anybody in her lifetime: not just sexually but mentally... even in a chemistry way. Kat had never left her feeling whole, yet Clementine had done that in less than 10 days. How was that possible? Perhaps they just clicked.
"Natalie, it's Sunday." Clem repeated, not believing her own statement.
"I'm aware of that."
"Wow." She had woken up in Natalie's bed once again, and she felt comfortable, somehow she didn't feel like she was being a bother. "Are you uh... okay that I stayed longer than intended?" How long was she intending to stay?
"I'm fine, I don't mind the extra company." Natalie giggled, scooting closer to Clem's body. "Are you... mortified or...?"
"No." Clem said, "I'm okay." She had come to terms with the fact that she liked women, but she was still learning how it would be with one. So far she was into it, maybe too into it.
Natalie got the covers off of them both, "what's this tiny scar here?" She traced her index finger over a scar the size of a pea on her tummy.
"I got my appendix removed, because it burst." Clem said, "I'm cold now, thanks a lot."
Natalie giggled and covered them both again, "The only thing I've gotten removed were my tonsils."
"And how did that go considering you hate hospitals?"
"It was the drama of my life." Natalie said.
Clem laughed, "I can imagine."
"How old were you?"
"I was 13, and it hurt like a bitch." Clem said, "The doctor said that the scar wouldn't be there for too long, but he clearly lied."
"It's very small, but I noticed it last night. I was curious."
"Do you have any scars?"
"Not that I'm aware of." Natalie said, she kissed Clementine's shoulder, "Are you hungry? Or thirsty?"
Clem closed her eyes and chose to relax, to let herself be for today, and leave the thinking for later. "Both."
"I'll bring you some water."
"No, stay." Clem gripped at her arm, "It's nice." She hadn't been cuddled in a while, and she quite liked it. "What time is it?"
"Barely 9, wanna sleep a little longer?"
"Mhmm." Clem mumbled, turning around to look at Natalie. "Yeah I'm still tired."
"So am I." Natalie said, leaning to kiss Clem, who afterwards got cozy and embraced Natalie by the side, getting comfortable to fall asleep again.
They woke up hours later, had a quick late breakfast, a quick fuck and a quick shower. Then Clem decided to leave, fighting against the urge to stay a while longer. "I'll call you when I find my phone, alright?"
"Okay." Natalie kissed Clem again, "Get out before I start taking off your clothes again, I have no self control."
Clementine laughed and kissed Natalie for the last time, "I'll call you."
"Okay."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Finally she left and made her way to her apartment after being gone for two days. She had laundry to do and paperwork she left unattended since Friday. The last couple days in Natalie's flat had been a piece of heaven to her, and also a piece of hell... because now she had so many questions unanswered about herself. Had she always fancied women?
Clementine grabbed herself a can of soda from the fridge and made her way to her living room, to almost have a fucking heart attack.
"Cam! What the fuck?!" She almost dropped her can of soda.
The younger man smiled, "You gave me a spare key, remember?"
"What are you doing here?!"
"It's nice to see you sister." He stood up from Clementine's couch and walked to hug her sister.
"You too, I just didn't expect you to be here." She said, pulling away from her brother's embrace.
"Yeah I also didn't expect you to fly to the other end of the country and leave me rotting in Los Angeles."
"I didn't do that."
"You basically did." He said, taking his previous seat on the couch. Apparently he had made himself comfortable as if this was his own home, he was drinking a beer and had served himself chips.
"You're an adult, with a life. Aren't you supposed to be in college?" Clem said, opening her can of soda and taking a sip from it before joining her younger brother on the couch.
"I told my therapist I was having a nervous breakdown and now I have two weeks off. I decided to come here and see you, yet you haven't been here all weekend."
"You've been here all weekend?!" Her eyes widened at the realization that she was going to have to explain.
"You didn't respond to my missed calls, and turns out you left your phone at work." Cameron spoke, "I went to get it for you."
That's why she didn't find it in her car either... clearly she had forgotten it when she left in a rush to get to Natalie's place. "Thanks... hell, if I had known you were coming I would have been here."
"I know. Why weren't you here?" He smiled, wanting to hear the reason why. Cameron took a sip of his beer and stared at his older sister come up with an excuse.
"I was with a friend."
"All weekend?"
"Yes." She looked away from his piercing blue eyes, the ones that he had inherited from their father.
He scoffed, "You got a boyfriend this quick?"
"It's been a month, and no, no boyfriend."
"That's not what those hickeys say to me." He pointed to Clem's bruised neck.
"I'm the older sister here, I should be the one scolding you like a child for lying to your therapist and getting time off for nothing in the middle of the school year."
"You don't call much, Clem. I've missed you." He shrugged, "I had to take serious measures."
"Yeah sure, you're just one lazy little bitch."
"Okay? Insulting me just because I discovered you were having sex all weekend?"
It was true, so she kept her mouth shut and sipped at her soda. She hated to fight with her sibling, specially because they always got along so it pained her to be a jerk to him.
"So, are we going to have the conversation?" Cam said, putting a hand on his sister's shoulder. "About your lies and probable mid-life crisis?"
Clem couldn't help laugh, "I'm not having a mid-life crisis, Cameron. I told you why I left." And it had been a lie.
"And you told dad something completely different." He seemed like he had been hurt by that.
"He wouldn't have understood." That was why she said she got a better job offer, and her old man didn't hesitate tell her to go.
"Oh definitely, but I've always understood you." Cam said, his voice giving a hint of hurt.
Clem shook her head, "I already told you the truth." She lied, leaving her can on top of the coffee table in front of the couch. She didn't know what to say, really, how to make her brother stop trying to get answers. Clem did everything she could to avoid eye contact, knowing with just a glance her brother would see her guilt.
"I ran into Lacey."
The mention of her name made her heart stop for a few seconds. She felt nauseous, realizing that she had been caught.
"She said you're not friends anymore. And that she was happy to hear you left, she seemed to have no idea where you were."
Clem could have cried right that moment, her wound still fresh even if months had gone by. "You had no right to talk to her about my shit." She said angrily.
"I was worried about you! I knew you were lying to me about that bullshit with Thomas. You've always said you didn't like him, and you expected me to believe you moved away because a guy rejected you?!"
"Well fucking hell, what do you care?!" She exclaimed.
"You're my sister, Clementine! You're the last piece of mom I have and you left!"
"I am not mom! Get that shit in your head then, because I'm not. I can't be there for you all the time, I have a life! You're 24! Stop being a kid!" She exclaimed out of nervousness and anger, unable to think before she spoke as she was sent into a blind rage. Who was she really mad at? Probably herself.
"Now you're being hurtful because you don't want to accept that I see right through your bullshit!"
"I'm gay!"
"What?"
"I'm gay, Cameron. I'm fucking gay. I had feelings for Lacey and I kissed her, she told me she never wanted to see me again." Clem began crying, "I think I'm a lesbian." She surprised herself, saying something she hadn't thought of yet, she hadn't even had time to process what came out of her mouth.
Her brother stared at her in sheer shock, left his beer on the coffee table and moved closer to hug her sister. "I'm sorry."
Clem cried her eyes out, her hands covering her face as she kept shaking in sobs. "I'm a horrible person."
"You're not." He said, detaching his arms from around his sister.
"I needed to leave because Lacey threatened to file a complaint for sexual harassment if I ever spoke to her again... I'm... I'm sorry I lied to you, I just couldn't... I haven't wrapped my own head around it fully. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, I'm sorry." He said, feeling sad all of the sudden. They barely ever argued, and he hated to see his sister cry.
"No you were entitled to be mad at me for lying, I just couldn't..." Clementine trailed off, feeling a weight off her chest as she finally shared her pain with someone else.
"I shouldn't have pushed you."
"Well you did." She let out a breath she had been holding, relaxing her weight back on the cushions.
"I know. I'm sorry." Cameron spoke, "So, you have a girlfriend then?"
Clem laughed, wiping away her tears. "No, I'm getting to know someone, but I'm not dating."
"Why didn't you tell me the truth?" He asked, genuinely curious and concerned.
"I couldn't, Cam. I've been feeling like I'm loosing my mind."
"Do you like your life here?" He asked carefully.
Clem nodded, "Yeah, it's been okay." She got along with her new co-workers, she had a stable job and a nice apartment... now she had Natalie, too.
"Are you mad at me for bursting your bubble?"
"I love you Cameron, but next time call three days before so I can gather my thoughts."
"Well, now that we're at it... I'm gay, too." Cam scratched at the back of his neck, looking at his sister, waiting for a reply.
Clem looked at him with widened eyes, "You are?"
Cameron nodded, and Clem hit him hard in the arm. "Ouch! What the fuck?"
"Why didn't you tell me?!" She exclaimed, hitting him again.
"I could ask you the same."
"It's way different." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I've been fucking Dimitri for the past four years."
"Dimitri?! As in dad's personal trainer?" Clem hit him in the arm once again.
"Ouch! Stop that!" Her brother shrugged his shoulders, "He's hot as fuck."
"Oh God, what else have you been hiding?" Clem ran a hand through her black hair, trying to grasp all the information in her head.
"I found mom's diary, what about you?"
"I had the most amazing sex of my life." She let out a laugh, because it had been true.
"I see that."
Then she went back to reality, leaving the memory of Natalie in the back of her brain for a second, "Mom kept a diary?"
"Yup. And it's horribly gruesome."
"It is?"
"Mhm. Once I finish reading it I'll lend it to you."
"Any trigger warnings?"
"Very explicit sexual thoughts about dad and other people. I vomited after I read a bit I shouldn't have."
"Does dad know she kept a diary?"
"According to what she wrote, nobody knew."
"Where did you find it?"
"Inside her jewelry box."
"You found her jewelry box?! I've been looking for that since I was 17!"
"Dad left it in the basement."
"I miss her." She said, a bittersweet taste on her mouth, "Do you think she would have been okay with us being gay?"
"Yes, I think so, yes."
Clem laughed, "Don't tell me..."
"All I'm saying is that homosexuality is definitely passed through DNA." Cameron shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh God. Is it really that explicit?" Clem couldn't believe it. Her mom? Out of all the people she knew, her mom had felt things for other women as well?
He nodded again laughing, "She used the words 'cock' and 'fanny' multiple times."
"Ew." Clementine made a face of disgust.
"I know."
Clem looked at her brother and decided to ask away the questions she always wondered about in her childhood, "Did she, uh... love dad?"
"To some point she did."
"Who's fanny did she refer to?" She had to ask, considering the fact she was also coming to terms with her sexuality, and the fact that she liked 'fannys' too.
"Aunt Sarah, some woman named Shelby, too."
"Dad's sister?!" She yelled.
"Mhmm." Cameron nodded his head and laughed at Clementine's reactions that were somehow so out of her usual proper character.
"They fucked?!"
"Just once from what I've read."
"Wow. I can't wait for you to finish reading it, send me a copy." Clem said, "I feel like she lived a secret life. Sometimes it feels like she's a secret to me, too."
"Yeah I get what you mean." Cam grabbed his beer and took a swing from it, "I wish I had known her longer."
"Me too." Clem said, even if she had known her longer than her brother ever did. She had been a teenager when everything had happened, 17, and Cameron had been only 7 years old, a little boy that couldn't understand why his mom disappeared from one day to the next. "I wonder what it would be to have her with us to this day."
"Was Lacey your sexual awakening?" Cameron asked out of nowhere, mentioning said woman again.
Clem flinched, "I don't know, really." They fell silent for a couple of seconds. "Does dad know you're here?"
"He probably hasn't even noticed I'm gone."
"So things haven't changed I suppose."
"As if they would change." He laughed.
Clem ran a hand through her short bob, "Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see her."
"Every time I look at you I see her." Cameron said, grabbing his sister's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, "I think it's a blessing rather than a curse. You're just as beautiful as her."
Clementine smiled softly, "I think that's why dad hates me." For her the day she lost her mother was also the day she lost her father. To this day he avoided eye contact with Clem, because every time he looked into her brown eyes, he could see his wife's eyes.
Cameron rolled his eyes, "He just doesn't have any emotional intelligence, he's never had it... Mama brought that in him and then he lost her. It's not your fault."
"I know that, it just sucks." Clem groaned, "I wish we were a normal family that supported one another instead of avoiding the conflict every time something happens."
Then Clem felt herself being taken away by sadness and anxiety once again, a tear falling down her cheek. "Are you alright?" Her brother asked kindly.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to breathe, "I just realized what I told you."
"That you're a lesbian? Or that you look like our Mama?"
"Les... lesbian." She said, "I didn't know that until I said it." Clementine sighed, not knowing how in a matter of seconds she forgot about men completely... and really, had she ever felt something for any of them?
"Mama didn't label herself, you know... I don't either, and you don't have to." He put a comforting hand on Clem's shoulder. "I know it's a shock, but at least you're not in denial."
Clementine had to laugh at that, because of course she wasn't in denial. She wouldn't have stepped in that lesbian bar if she had been, and she wouldn't have invited Natalie over the same night they met, she wouldn't have spent a whole weekend at her place having sex like rabbits either.
"You're blushing. Are you thinking of her?"
Clem nodded, "Her name's Natalie." She smiled, "And she's insanely talented."
"Ew, I didn't want to know about that."
Clem hit her brother in the arm playfully, "No, not that. She's an artist."
"How did you two meet?"
Clementine told her brother the events of the last couple days, leaving out details that she wanted to keep to herself, but as she kept speaking, she kept noticing how it felt so right. It felt right to like her, to feel attracted to her, to want to know more about her. With her ex boyfriends she never had this craving to know every tiny detail about them, and some of them had been very sweet guys, yet she always ended up losing interest fast.
"Just please, for the love of God, don't become a U-Haul lesbian."
"A what?"