Avni POV
Knife.
I need a knife to kill myself .
"Avni, you are saying you have problem that you can feel your husband' s touch" dr. Malini retorted in shock and i nodded my head.
It's 8:00 am in the morning and I am here in the hospital with gyanocologist Dr. Malini I took a special appointment to meet her this early because what happened last night after that i definitely need a doctor.
"Okay, but why it's a problem" why , good question because we are not in real marriage .
No that's not the fucking problem my subconscious mind yelled at me.
Zindagi to aise baarbaad hai ki maan krta hai kisiko khud ko marne ke paise dedu.
( Life is the worst in a way that i should bribe someone to kill my ownself )
I stayed silent , last time when I visited a gyanocologist it didn't go well and right now I don't know how to tell her about my personal life.
"Okay, if you guys have an issue then why did you let him touch you" she changed her question and i gulped last night's memories coming in front of my eyes.
"You might have married him but you can never satisfy him .
"your sick emotionless body can't do anything"
"he will leave you like Mikky"
Shyla's last night's heart wrenching word ranged in my ear though i slapped her but no matter what i had did it won't change the truth.
"I had a previous relationship but I never had any orgasm but last night i did" i confessed .
Mikky , my x bf whom Ranvijay saw last night and lost his control.
Mikky was the first person whom I let come closer to me people think I loved him but the truth was I wanted to have someone so i could escape from my loneliness.
It was a cruel way.
But, there is a saying the child who never felt loved will become an adult who will never know how to love.
We had a relationship for almost 2 years I was never so lovey dovey type girlfriend but 2 years is enough for anyone to get attached to someone.
And.
In reality, Attachment sucks.
"How was your sex life in a previous relationship " she retorted,
"I was like a dead body I won't feel anything " i replied
After, 1 year of relationship he convinced me that If we get into a physical relationship then it might fix our relationship which was getting worse because of my own distanat behaviour but it didn't.., instead my emotionless body in bed made it worse.
After a few months i found he was cheating on me , that day i realised there is no thing like happy ending in the end you are gonna die alone.
"You think anyone can love you or your this body which is not even fuckable." his exact words after I found him cheating on me.
"I get that but what type of sex did your previous partner "
"Type?"
"Means how he did it , direct penetration or with foreplay or something else" she asks , i can't believe I am discussing my sex life like this.
"Direct penetration ", i stated, it's getting irritating I don't want to talk or think about him just tell me how the hell I started feeling it.
"Direct penetration , was it painful"
"It was , but not that much most of time I won't feel anything " i retorted,
"And with your husband " she inquired.
My husband Ranvijay Chauhan with him ?
What do i feel with him ?
His touches are like the delicate stroke of my painting brush on my canvas-like body .Those touches ignite fire in my body and I don't know how to control the fire. His one touch and i started melting like ice in him but no matter what i feel I know it's just lust.
It's. Just. lust.
"It felt like I was feeling his every touch" i said and my phone rang i ignored it.
"What your husband did "she asked calmly.
The thought of his mere touch on my core is making my throat sore and lips dry. What i felt last night was beyond explanation i Avni Chauhan submitted herself to someone but why .
Because.
I wanted to make Mikky regret?
No, I don't do these pitty things.
I don't want Ranvijay to leave me ?
Absolutely no, I don't need anyone.
I was so angry at myself that for once wanted to feel something ?
Yes , absolutely yes this can be the only reason for my reckless behaviour.
"Avni , there is nothing you should hide with a doctor, be comfortable dear" she says and smiled at me to make me comfortable.
"Umm - , it wasn't direct he - he was stimulating me-with his...
"His ?"uhhh can't she understand.
"Fingers" i stated, and closed my eyes, why the hell i am being such a shy when I was talking about Mikky it was like I was talking about some awful past but it was different for him.
"And, who told you that you are the one who isn't fine" she urged, and passed me the glass of water.
"A gyanocologist "
"Gyanocologist ? " she asked amused by my answer and i nodded my head.
"Mikky and i visited to his one of friend gyanocologist and she told me that my body is like these that's why I will never feel anything in bed" i stated all that.
It was also one of the reasons to get married . A normal man would have never accepted me with this fault
but with Ranvijay i didn't had to worry about it.
But look like now I have something to worry.
"A gyanocologist told you that you have some type of fault, can you please ask her if she knows the difference between a gyanocologist and illiterate " she spat in anger like she isn't even believing what i said.
"What do you mean" I asked confusingly
"Avni , men and women are different women never get orgasm by direct penetration they need stimulation or good foreplay" she urged and i froze what is she even saying.
Did Mikky tricked me ?.
"I- " she cut me off.
"You are completely fine sweetheart there is nothing wrong with you it can be possible that your body might be complicated in comparison with others but if your partner is good at it then it's okay" she said and I closed my eyes.
Breathe. Avni. Breathe
I am not even shocked because the type of naraccist he was he would never let anyone knows about his impotence but what's making me worry that how the fuck i believed him
Bastard Manipulator.
For God , sake he tricked me for years and a part of me thought he cheated on me because I couldn't give him anything.
"I am fine ? " I asked again just so I can confirm that how idiot i was.
"Yes"
"Thank you, Dr. Malini i think i should leave now " i urged and stepped out of her chamber.
I need some time to process all this I need something to break or destroy if it's Mikky's face than it would be best thing.
My phone ranged again what's with Malhotra why the hell he is calling me this early.
I settled myself in the car and started driving to the institute.
"Hello ,Vyom why the hell you are calling me in the morning" i yelled at him.
"Good morning to you too dear Avni and it's almost 9 :00 am" he greeted me in his usual happy and loving voice which is irritating me.
"Vyom " i said annoyingly.
"Okay, remember you burnt your palm a week ago"
"I do, but who told you about it" I don't remember him telling about my hand.
"Just after that day your husband called dad and says he will invest in our project if we shut our Jaipur's branch for a week --"
"What , why would he do that ?" I got an email that there is a construction issue in the office so that's why it will be shut.
"Let me complete it , you must not have any type of work to do at home and you shouldn't know that it was done by him " he ranted , I was shocked Ranvijay did all this because my palm was burnt.
Impossible.
Why would he care for his contract wife.
"You are telling me Ranvijay called uncle so he can get me urgent leave for week " that's why when next day i tried to leave home for studio he asked me where i am going so I lied that I am visiting my friend .
"Yes, and i swear Avni how I deal with dad i can't even explain you he was asking, your position and why you are still working with us , be grateful that he is in U.S so i somehow managed it"
"You are telling me this after a week " i urged ,what if that day I have told Ranvijay that I am going to the office .
"Idiot."
"How many times I have texted you ma'am and if you are forgetting i have a company to run " he is right even after so much he is trying his best to help me.
"I know, thanks for handling all this alone but right now I am trapped in a very bad way" i said to him ,
Vyom was my first friend and investor for my first exhibition too. I was 19 when i met him at an exhibition he loved my paintings so he says that he will invest money for my own exhibition and help me to build my own art institute.
Firstly, I didn't get why a billionaire son wants to work with a stranger then later i realised he is like that he does what he wants to without thinking about anyone.
"The story doesn't end here sweetheart" he says teasingly.
"Ab kya bacha hua hai , zindagi nahi doremon ka pocket hogya hai problems nikle hi ja rhi hai "
"What's left now, it's looking like that it's not life instead it is doremon's pocket" i urged annoyingly I don't want to kill someone before the day ends.
"Apke pati dev ne apke liye bhojan aur guldasta bheja hai priye "
"Your dear husband has sent breakfast and bouquet for you love " i choked on air after listening to him and his Hindi both.
Is this morning or shock morning what is it with these things I am not a toddler who can't buy her own food and I don't like fucking roses.
Didn't we have a deal that there will be only 2 people living together nothing less nothing more.
"Throw them in the garbage i don't care " i said sternly, he shouldn't do all these types of things.
I have been trying to talk with him since last week but he mostly stays at the office or hospital in night he always come too late.
"Avni, you should try at least" he says politely.
"I won't lie Vyom , there is nothing left to try , give the food to someone who needs and threw the flowers in dustbin" i said and cut the call.
I reached at the institute i stepped out of the car and a heard notification bell on my phone.
It was Ranvijay he was asking me about those flowers and food .
Last night, i locked the room and didn't even let him enter because I was very embarrassed to face him and still he is doing this things for me.
God.
I am doing this just for humanity.
Just for humanity.
I texted him back simple yes without any gratitude I hope he doesn't take it in a wrong way .
I dialled Vyom's number again he picked it after 3 rings.
"Send them at my institute" he was munching some food.
"What"
"Food and flowers, idiot"
"Food ? , I gave it someone who needs it " he stated , is he is the one who is eating it.
"Whom do you gave it" I asked suspiciously.
"To myself"
"Kutta hai kya tu Jo ek bichari
Ladki ka Khana kha gya "
"Are you dog , that you eat an innocent girl's food "how the hell did he eat that food Ranvi has sent them for me.
"Tune hi to bola tha jarurat mand ko dede, bhaut tasty khana tha avni"
"You were the one who said that give someone who needs it , it was very tasty food avni " i clenched my jaw after hearing him bastard ate my food.
"Jarurat mand ko bola tha tere jaise sand billionaire ko nahi"
"I talked about someone who needs it not a bull billionaire like you " i huffed, agressivly and cut the call.
The start of the day is worse than i expected. And that vyom bastard he ate the food sent by my Ranvijay it's not like I am dying to eat its just I am respecting it as a human.
After an hour later, i was in my studio
working on a canvas and then I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in " i said and started painting again.
"Ma'am there is a bouquet for you" shanvi's voice came into my ear.
"Send it inside " i said and she hummed.
Shanvi walked inside with the beautiful bouquet of daisy. There is not any typical red rose it's daisy my favourite flower.
It's beautiful.
I took the bouquet and placed it gently on my table. The fragrance of daisy is enchanting.
I might have accepted this but we have to talk.
I was lost in my thoughts then my phone ranged again it was Ranvijay's call.
"Hello" i gulped after listening his voice.
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I have Target for you guys if it gets completed then I will do a double update.
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Avni ka POV kaise lga ?
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