travis' pov
"she cut herself trav"
when taylor said that it felt like my whole world just collapsed. y/n was my daughter i was supposed to protect her. i couldn't bare the fact that y/n was going through this much pain.
then i realized i needed to be strong for tay.
"hey it's okay just breathe tay you're gonna be okay. you're gonna make yourself sick" i said as i held her in my arms and rocked her.
"but it's not gonna be okay" she said as she hyperventilated.
"breathe baby breathe" i repeated. then she started to gag so i quickly picked her up and rushed her to the bathroom. i held her hair back and comforted her.
after she finished i just let her cry in my arms. i held her until she was taken over by her tiredness. both my girls were in pain but i needed to be strong for them this wasn't the time to show my emotions. if i did i needed to do it in private.
i scooped up tay and placed her in the bed. i tucked her in and kissed her forehead. then i went to go check on y/n to make sure she was still sleeping which she was. it was pretty late at night but there was no way i was sleeping. there's too much on my mind.
i picked up my phone, a cigar, and a lighter and stepped onto the back porch. i would step out to the front but you know, you never know where those paps are. i sat down on the edge of the porch and lit my cigar. i usually don't smoke that often. the only time i do is at parties, like the superbowl after party, or in this case when i don't know what the fuck my emotions are.
i just sat there. i breathed in the fresh air. listened to the sound of the crickets. felt the breeze on my skin. drowned out any worry i had.
then i heard the door open. i turned around and saw tay.
"trav why aren't you in bed it's late" she asked from the doorway. i just stayed quiet. i tried to talk but nothing came out.
"trav?" she said. she closed the door. i thought she left but then i saw her sit next to me.
"trav, baby?" she said. i turned to look at her. i was emotionless there was no way she could read me. i took one last puff of the cigar then put it out.
"what's going on in that head of yours" she said as she looked at me trying to look for any emotions.
i just shook my head. i tried to speak but nothing came out. i felt like if i'd talk i'd just cry and that's not what i need. i need to be strong.
"hey baby it's okay to show your emotions. you don't need to be strong all the time. it's okay. i'm here baby" tay said. i looked over at her and tear started to well up in my eyes. i put my head in my hands and just cried. why is nothing in the world working? why can't i protect my girls?
" i'm sorry tay" i kept repeating.
"trav what are you sorry for baby?" she asked.
"i couldn't protect you guys. that was my only fucking job and i can't even do that. i can't protect from the fucking—everything is this world! i'm so sorry." i said through tears.
"trav this is not your fault. it is no where near. you hear me? do not blame yourself for this. if anything you are the best thing that has happened to y/n and i." tay said. i just nodded my head.
i guess that made me feel better. i just wish there was more for me to do. i just don't know what to do.
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I HAD TO WRITE ONE LAST PART THAT WAS TRAVIS' I KNOW ITS SHORT BUT I FELT THERE WASNT ENOUGH TRAVIS IN THIS STORY
currently working on some y/n-toddler so leave requests if you have any!