To my slight disappointment, my plan to surprise Lex by suddenly appearing on his doorstep is compromised by his building's rigorous security.
So now, I'm awkwardly standing in the lobby with my bag, pizza, pastries, and a pack of beers while the concierge and I wait in silence for Lex to answer his intercom. That gives me some time to overthink, and I hope to God Lex won't mind the change of plans.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when the man before me straightens up as if Lex could see him. "Mr. Coleman. I have someone here who wishes to come up."
There is a moment of silence, and I vaguely hear Lex's muffled answer. The concierge gives me an uneasy look, and I nod encouragingly.
"Well, she insisted on me presenting her with' the fun has arrived,' sir."
When I distinctly hear Lex's laugh, my grin widens. He then says something I can't make out, and the concierge nods. "All right, sir. I shall add Miss Walker to your list, so she can come up without consulting you."
So, Lex doesn't mind my impulsiveness—on the contrary. He's comfortable enough to allow me all the way to his doorstep, which feels important.
We're the real deal. This isn't just a passing fling. We're in love.
Damn, I sound like a bad Telenovela...
On my way up to his floor, I remind myself to take it slowly. Lex isn't in tune with his emotions, and I must respect his pace. I can't push him to go faster than he's comfortable with or force him to confess his feelings.
My excitement to see him is so great that I'm practically vibrating when I get to his door. Before I even need to knock on it, the heavy panel opens. Seeing his gorgeous face makes my breath catch in my throat like some enamored teenager.
He took a shower recently, the short strands on his head still wet, and he's wearing a white T-shirt and black basketball shorts.
His dashing smirk and the content expression on his face evaporates within seconds. The abrupt change of mood destabilizes me, but before I can ask what's going on, he pulls me inside, takes everything I'm holding to set it on the console, and gently grabs my face to angle it with the light.
Fuck, I forgot about the redness on the side of my face. Even the white of my eyes is slightly pink now, but it doesn't hurt much anymore, just a slight warmth.
Even though he radiates fury, his hold on me remains careful and soft, a stark contrast with the ire in his eyes.
"Who did this to you?" he grunts, the rage in his voice barely contained.
"It was...Stefano. He came by Kate's place and tried to start shit."
He tenses, the wrath on his face growing more intense. But the pad of his thumb is delicate when it brushes over my cheekbone. I reach up, resting my hands on his broad chest.
"Lex, I'm okay," I say soothingly.
"You're not. I'm going to fucking—"
"I broke his nose," I cut him. "And my brother beat the shit out of him. Stefano had it ten times worse, so it's all good, baby."
The confusion in his eyes is amusing, but the moment is too intense for that, so I hold back my smile. "You broke his nose?"
"There was so much blood. I didn't expect it to hurt like that," I explain, stretching the hand I punched Kate's ex with. "It's not painful anymore, but I can still feel it."
Lex doesn't answer right away, looking at me with a mix of stupor and what may be respect. After a moment, he takes my hand and gently brings it to his mouth, laying a tender kiss on my knuckles. The warmth of the gesture renders me speechless.
"Is it better?" he asks, gently grazing the spot he just kissed. He's looking down at me with affection, devotion, and what I can now see is love.
I nod, swallowing away the heavy lump in my throat. I'm not ready when he unhurriedly bends, holding my face in place, to give me the softest, most tender kiss on my cheekbone, where the redness is the most intense.
"Better?" he softly murmurs.
Fuck... I love you. I love you. I love you.
"Yes... But for some reason, my lips are a little sore too," I pretend, craving a kiss.
His smile is so genuine, I can hardly believe he was furious moments ago. I successfully calmed him down. Ever so tender, he holds my chin with his index finger and gives me a delicate kiss. He moves back, caressing my bottom lip with his thumb. Our eyes meet, and I drown in his, admiring the dark specs in his gray irises.
"Is it better?" he asks again, his voice so soft it feels like a cloud enveloping me. I'm so enthralled, so emotional, I don't trust my voice to do its job and I shake my head with a slight frown.
He chuckles and bends to kiss me again, harder this time. Before he can move back, I frame his face with both hands and pull him closer. In a few seconds, the tender kiss he initiated is gone. I give him all I have, all I feel, all I want. The ache on the side of my face as I move in unison with him doesn't stop any of this—not when I need him with so much intensity.
It becomes clear that he also wants it all as his large, powerful hands course over my body with hunger. We both move toward the couch, peeling away each other's clothes on our way there, I vaguely think that the pizzas will get cold, but before I can mention it, Lex's skillful mouth engulfs the perky tip of my nipple over the lace of my bra, robbing me of all coherent thoughts.
Nothing matters other than the man in my arms. The man in my heart. The man in my life.
***
Panting, sweating, and exhausted, I'm sprawled over Lex, trying to get down from the immeasurable high I was just in. When I look down at him, he's in the same state of bewilderment as I am, his cheekbones adorably red, his body covered with a thin veil of sweat, his breathing short.
After one last kiss, I move up to dislodge him from within me before wriggling closer to him with my cheek on his firm chest. "I take it you didn't want to help your dad out with his chore?" he says, his voice a little hoarse.
"He was doing fine by himself. And I couldn't stop thinking of you, spending your Sunday evening working. I thought a movie and pizza would be better than working. Unless you already finished it, you'll see what happens to Frodo and the guys."
He lets out an amused chuckle that has me jiggling over him. "I didn't. I wouldn't risk angering you."
"I knew you were a smart man." With a satisfied sigh, I push myself off of him. "I need a moment in the bathroom. Can you get everything ready?"
He nods, we exchange one last kiss, and I'm off to clean myself up. When I'm back, Lex took out the fluffy blanket and put all the food I came in with on the coffee table. The screen is rolled out with a paused frame of Rivendell projected on it.
We're both sparsely dressed now, and only when I sit down do I notice a tube of arnica cream on the table. "Come here," he says as he picks it up.
My mom already smeared my face with an anti-bruising cream earlier, but I'm never one to refuse his touch. I get closer, offering him my face, and watch as he squeezes some of it on his index fingertip. Then I sit there, fighting against my endeared smile as he applies it with the utmost care and gentleness on my cheekbone. The way his face is focused, with so much warmth in his eyes while he works, makes my chest ache with too many emotions.
I'm so stupid for not seeing it earlier. It's right there, in the concern in his steel grays, in the delicate touch of his finger, and merely the fact that he's doing this. At this very moment, I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. Lex is everything.
We both realize I'm tearing up when a drop rolls underneath his cautious caresses. The worry on his face deepens the crease between his brows. "You should have told me I was hurting you, Andrea."
Yes, he's hurting me. In the sweetest, most fantastic way. I love you, Alexander Coleman.
"You're not. I'm just tired."
Not convinced, he finishes his tender treatment with even more meticulousness and then gives me a sweet kiss on the lips. Soon after, we resume our viewing of Peter Jackson's masterpiece. Usually, I'm the type of person to observe a religious silence during a movie, but I'm feeling particularly chatty tonight, and I can't help but talk to him during quiet moments. He doesn't seem to mind, though, asking follow-up questions and taking part.
"Why does it feel like I was gone longer than a day?" I ask, feeling like we were separated for an entire week.
"Maybe it's because the hours felt so long. Five more, and I would have forgotten your face."
I let out an incredulous laugh, turning to him with an offended expression. "Am I this forgettable?"
Instead of answering, he turns his gaze to me, and I silently wait as he examines my face, frowning slightly at the redness on the side. "Every time I see you, I'm reminded of how bewitching you are to look at, so I must keep forgetting."
My jaw drops half an inch, my heart hastens in my chest, my skin flushes, and my mind races with too many feelings to think clearly. For someone who pretends to be bad at romance, he's fucking incredible at it, isn't he? How could I be so blind? Even though it isn't the three words I'm dying to hear, it's basically the same.
After a few seconds of stupor, I take my phone from the coffee table and open the front camera. Before Lex can say anything, I position myself for a selfie with him, resting my head on his shoulder, subtly hiding Stefano's blow.
"What's happening?" he asks, taken aback.
"I'm giving you something to remember my face by."
The first pic is a failure, and I giggle at Lex's expression on it. "We're taking another one. Try not to look like a deer caught in the headlights."
We do a lot better for the next two. Delighted by my enterprise, I sit up, looking at the three shots alternatively, a broad grin on my face. "We look adorable," I say before sending him the photos. His phone buzzes on the table, and I give him a proud smile. "There, now you won't forget me."
His chuckle is contagious, and we share a brief peck. Ready to get back to the movie, I grab a box of cookies from the table and snuggle against him. Now that my mouth is busy with pastries, I'm much quieter.
The only interruption comes when my phone vibrates. It's Oli, answering the thank-you message I sent right before leaving Portland.
No problem. I'm really glad I could help. Just know I'll always be there if you need me, Dora.
I grin slightly at the nickname, and I type my response. Thank you, you're the best. I don't know what I would have done without you. I'll see you tomorrow.
I add a kissing emoji and send it. Getting into Kelex has to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Not only did I find an incredibly fulfilling job with fantastic opportunities and the sense that I'm doing something to improve the world, but I also made great friends and discovered love.
Had I missed their recruitment post on Twitter, none of this would have happened. But as chance would have it, everything lined up just right, and I'm now the happiest I'll ever be.
I squirm closer to Lex, who's absorbed by the movie. Being in the crook of his arm, safely tucked in the blanket with him, feels like home.
My phone buzzes in my hand again, and I mindlessly pull it up, already knowing it's another one from Oli. Maybe it's unfair for me to say this, but I'm in love with you, Andy—
Instantly, I freeze and stop reading.
My heart drops low in my chest, and my breath catches in my throat. My dismay is so great that I can't do anything but stare at Oliver's declaration for a few seconds. I'm in love with you, Andy... What the hell? He can't be in love with me. We went out on one date.
And yet, I'm perfectly aware of how easily it can be to fall in love with someone. Lex used to be the last person I wanted to be with, but now I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
This isn't happening...
With my hand slightly trembling, I'm still staring at the screen, confused, troubled, and ashamed. Ashamed for not noticing, for leading Oliver on for too long, for not preserving him, for letting him fall for me. His feelings can't and won't ever be returned.
Remembering Lex right there, I finally move the phone away, face down. For a few minutes of pure confusion, I stare emptily at the movie unfolding before us. My mind is frozen, unable to think of what to do or what to say—to Lex or Oli.
Lex has always been jealous of Oli, and if he knows this... Things might change at work. His attitude toward Oli and me might take a bad turn. I can't lose Lex or Oli, and I can't let those relationships make things messy at work. My mind is filled with questions and insecurities, and the guilt never fades. I need to read the rest of the text. There's more to it, and I need to know what it says before I decide anything.
I subtly shift away from Lex, moving out of his embrace, and twist just enough so I can hold my phone in a way that won't be suspicious.
My heart beats insanely fast in my chest as I unlock my phone and read on, struggling to keep my hand steady.
Maybe it's unfair for me to say this, but I'm in love with you, Andy. I think I fell for you the moment you first came into the Lair with your Hulk T-shirt and inappropriate jokes. My feelings have only been growing since, and while I know you're seeing someone, I need to say it, or I'll regret it.
I'm not expecting you to drop him and choose me instead. I just need you to know I'm here. I'm an option. I can make you happy, and you'd always come first.
I'm sorry for doing it like this. I tried to tell you so many times, but I always hold back. I'm only now finding the courage to say it after thinking about it all day.
Don't answer right now. Just think it over, and then we can talk about it. Whatever you choose, I'll accept it. I just needed you to know the truth.
By the time I'm done reading, I contend with all sorts of conflicting feelings. Mostly, I'm sad for him because he's a fantastic person who deserves to be loved and cherished by someone. But this someone isn't me. I'm not the woman for him.
There's only one outcome to this, and the sadness of it overwhelms me. His heart will break. Sweet Oli... The kind, gentle, and amazing knight in shining armor who always had my back. I'm going to hurt him because I've been a fucking idiot.
During the rest of the movie, I remain pensive, trying to come to terms with everything happening and think of the best way to handle it. When the credits finally roll in, I'm anxious to leave. Lex's presence near me is making me on edge, which isn't helping with my troubled mind.
I push the blanket away to get up and grab the rest of my clothes. Lex sends me a questioning look, and I offer him a sheepish frown, sorry to cut things short again.
"I have to get back home. This weekend was a fucking mess, and I need to get some sleep before starting the week," I explain, hoping my excuse isn't too weak—my brain isn't very efficient at the moment.
"And you can't do this here because...?"
"You'll wake me up three times for sex, and I'll wake up more tired than I am right now."
"I can also do sexless, you know. Unless that's all I'm good for," he argues, with no traces of humor in his voice.
"I'm sorry, baby," I say, purposefully using the endearment. I don't have the mental capacity to handle this right now. "I have nothing to wear for tomorrow. The past two days have been intense, and I need proper rest."
He doesn't argue, but I can see the matter isn't entirely solved. He rearranges the couch's cushions as I put my clothes on. While he takes care of his shorts, I fold the blanket and put it away. By the time I'm done, I grab my hard drive, do a final sweep to make sure I'm not forgetting anything, and turn to Lex, forcing a smile on my face.
"I'm sorry for abandoning you for the second time this weekend," I say apologetically. "We'll do better next time."
After a dry nod, he accompanies me to the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Coleman," I say, feigning a lightness I'm not feeling.
"Stay safe, Andrea."
With a heavy heart, I give him one last forced smile and make my way into the deserted hallway of his building, eager to be home. Tomorrow, I'm breaking the heart of a wonderful guy. But it's for the best.
It is the right thing to do for all of us.
***
Despite my attempt at getting a proper night of sleep, I don't. My thoughts are still scattered all over my mind, and I'm no closer to figuring out the best way to handle all this.
My main concern is the Oli situation, but I also realized how poorly I handled things with Lex. Back at his place, confusion and dismay made it hard, if not impossible, to think. We had a great time cuddling on his couch, and I was distant and absent-minded in a blink.
So, today, I have two missions. One is to have a serious talk with Oli and make him understand how there would never be anything more than friendship between us. The other is to make it up to Lex and explain the reasons for my weird mood last night.
When Oli arrives ten minutes late, I understand he also got very little sleep. Visibly tense and uncomfortable, he sits in his chair without a glance at me, and my heart clutches. This is it. After today, we won't remain friends.
On his desk, I dropped the box of pastries Kate gave me for him. He takes the note taped on it and reads the few words written in Kate's lovely handwriting. He tries a cookie and turns around to finally look at me. He offers a small, embarrassed smile as he shakes the bitten cookie, and I return one just as awkward.
We all work for a while, and after about two hours of me barely managing to do anything, I send him a message with the company's internal software. Hey, can we talk sometime today?
Anxiously waiting for his answer, I lean forward in my chair. Yes, of course. Could we not do this at work?
I let out a small sigh of relief and bring my hands to my keyboard. Absolutely. Maybe we could grab a beer after work?
A beer sounds perfect. Charlie's?
Charlie's is an Irish pub about five minutes from here. It's always crowded enough to never feel intimate, yet the rich wooden interior and very kitsch decor make it cozy and warm enough to not be too impersonal. I agree with one last message, and we both refocus on work.
Some time later, I get an overly excited text from Kate. OMG! DEEDEE! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!
I wait a few seconds, thinking she will send the rest, but it never comes. Elaborate, you blonde hoe!
You know Monica, that friend who works with Stefano? The one who introduced me to him?
Considering she put him in your life, do you still see her as a friend?
Don't be jealous. You know you're my main bitch. Anyway... She just called me, and it's fucking insane.
The bubbles bounce for a while, confirming that Kate is typing. As the seconds stretch, my guts twist and turn in my stomach, wild scenarios flooding my mind. Kate is worth anything, but I can't bear the idea that I may have endangered others. My brother, his friends, Oliver...
Okay, so apparently, two cops came to their firm this morning to bring Stefano in for questioning. She doesn't have all the details, but from what she heard, they received an anonymous tip, and he embezzled and did all sorts of terrible things for years. And when the cops were reading him the charges, she also heard them mention distribution of nonconsensual pornography.
Utterly shocked, I stare at my screen. What the actual fuck? How can Stefano be an even bigger asshole than I thought? Kate sends more.
He'll probably do some jail time and be registered as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Isn't this crazy?! And that timing... It has to be Oli, right?
The timing is indeed too perfect to be coincidental. I look at Oli, who's busy debugging an app on one of the testing phones. Is this him? From what I know, he has the skills and the spine to pull it off.
It was probably him, yes, I send her.
Shit, the pastries weren't enough. Tell him I'll have his babies.
I chuckle low and put the phone down before sending another look at the back of Oliver's messy red hair. Feeling grateful and indebted, I reopen our conversation on the messaging app. Thank you again for this weekend. Thanks for everything.
You're welcome. I'm glad I could help your friend out.
It's a shame that Kate and Oli live three hours apart because I'm convinced they'd get along well. Oli is basically my male counterpart, and Kate loves the shit out of me. Really, it would be a phenomenal match, and it would literally solve everyone's problems.
Well, just know she's eternally grateful for all you did. She just told me she wanted your babies. Oliver's chuckle is loud enough for me to hear it.
You can tell her I'm touched by the thought, lmao. But the pastries are enough. They're delicious.
Knowing she'd be pissed that I overshared but still amused, I grab my phone to tell her. It buzzes in my hand the moment I do. I expect it to be Kate, but Lex's name is on the screen instead. The sudden lightness I feel vanishes, and concern takes its place.
Right, I still have to make up for my tactless exit—escape—yesterday. I read his message and stare at it for a while, confused. Did you know there are two definitions of what a month is? It can be a period of time between the same dates in successive calendar months, from September 2nd to October 2nd, for instance. It can also be a period of four weeks, from one Monday to four Mondays after that.
It takes an embarrassing amount of time for me to get it.
A month.
According to the second definition, our thing started in his kitchen a month ago. Today could mark the end of our trial period.
This is our make-or-break point. The moment of truth. This is when we decide what we are and what we will become.
I know exactly what I want, but what does he want?
Until yesterday, things were so smooth that this probation period slipped my mind. I've known for a while now that I want to take whatever we have to the next level. And I suspect that Lex wants a lot more of me too. But my stupid insecurities kick in. What if he doesn't? What if he remembers he doesn't do relationships?
I see him type, and I wait, impatient and apprehensive. So, I was wondering, Walker, what definition do you think is more accurate?
Although the tone is usually hard to guess in a text, it doesn't feel like he's sour or annoyed. He sounds...playful. Feeling more confident, I send him my answer, nibbling on my bottom lip. I like four weeks better. It's simpler, more precise, and you don't get random intervals of days between each month.
Around me, the guys stand up to head out to lunch, but I don't budge, waiting for Lex's answer. Brian stops by me, pointing a finger toward the door. "Aren't you coming?"
"I'll join you guys later."
When Lex's answer is finally here, I'm alone. I like it better too. It's neater, rounder, and it means I can ask you out on a proper date earlier than I thought.
The breath I'm holding leaves my lungs with a surprised exhale. A dumbfounded smile slowly grows on my lips, my eyes reading his text over and over. He's asking me out on a date. An official date. A real thing, like real couples do.
After everything we already shared, it's ridiculous for a date to mean so much. First sex, then the proper appreciation for one another, and finally, we'll start dating. Everything is backward.
I so want to go out on dates with him. Maybe it'll be awkward, but I long to go see a movie, to go to dinner, to spend a day somewhere together. Everything has been behind closed doors, and I want us to be rid of the secrecy.
Not even taking the time to turn anything off, I jump out of my chair and swiftly walk out of the office. As I walk upstairs, I cross the paths of several people on their way to the lunchroom, including Tammy, with whom I exchange a smile.
No one's left in the hallway when I reach Lex's door, so I confidently knock on it. His rough, oh-so-familiar voice invites me in, so I obey, my heart hammering a hectic beat against my ribs.
All the way from the door, I notice his sharp gaze behind his glasses, focused on his screen. He lifts his eyes after a few seconds to look at me. I witness his surprise when he sees it's me.
Lex follows my movements as I close the door and walk further in, like a hawk locked on its prey, and I fight back a smile, trying to look displeased instead.
"Did you just ask me out on a date via text?" I ask, raising a falsely condemning eyebrow at him.
A slow, knowing smile bends his lips as he cocks his head to the side, amused. He stands up with his natural elegance and comes toward me. "I was merely making an observation regarding what a month means."
By the end of his sentence, he's a foot away from me. With him towering over me like this, I should feel small and intimidated. Instead, I feel feminine, powerful, and strong. Because he's mine.
My eyes move down to his tempting mouth, its corners barely bent upward in a failed attempt to conceal his amusement. Bewitched, I lick my lips, fighting the temptation. A languorous tension settles around us like static electricity charging the air.
God, how I love him.
Remembering we're in the middle of a meaningful conversation, I gather my few brain cells still functioning and shrug my shoulders. "Oh well, I guess you won't need an answer, then," I declare, forcing myself to turn around.
Before I even take a step, he grabs my arm and tugs me into him. My mouth opens in a silent gasp, a flash of arousal warming me up from the inside out.
"Always a fucking tease," he mumbles, his voice so low it flows like warm sand over my skin, making the tiny hair on the back of my neck rise. "Of course, I need your answer, you impossible dork."
"You have to ask first." My voice is weak, like my legs, but I hold firm.
His crooked grin proves he enjoys this as much as I do. "Andrea Walker, will you go out on a date with me?"
My heart triples in size, pure happiness coursing through my veins. Still, I say, "I'll have to think about it."
I see him flinch before he understands I'm kidding. He groans, tightening his hold on me. "You drive me mad."
"The feeling is mutual."
Rising on the tip of my toes, I move up to claim his lips, but he fights it, making sure his mouth is out of my reach.
"Say it."
My insides melt into a wet pool of need and desire. Hi there, dominant Lex...
"Yes, I'll go on a date with you, Alexander."
I barely have time to finish his name before he hungrily takes possession of my mouth. In an instant, our tongues meet with greed, wet silk grazing and pressing, our hands grasping and pulling.
This isn't forbidden anymore, but right, real, and strong. In our hunger to feel more and get everything, we stumble around until we end near one of the armchairs. Things are getting slightly out of hand, but I don't care. I love this man with all I have; this is all I can think of. He, however, has more restraint than me, delicately pushing me away and framing my face with his warm hands. His loving gaze glides over my probably flushed face.
"We'll work out the details later, but we'll have to disclose it to HR soon," he explains, his thumb caressing the apple of my cheek where I'm still a little red. Two weeks ago, signing those papers sounded so scary and overbearing. Now, I look forward to it.
I take him by surprise and shove his chest hard. He stumbles back onto the armchair, as I intended, and before he can react, I straddle his lap, grabbing his face with determination. His strong hands find their way to my hips, and I sense he's trying to push me away.
"I thought you said we wouldn't have sex in my office again?"
"We aren't having sex; we're just making out. Heavily making out."
I resume my amorous enterprise, but he isn't having it, remarkably reasonable for once. "Andrea, it's the middle of the day," he manages to say, despite the enthusiastic perseverance of my lips.
"They're all downstairs, eating their lunch."
"Anyone could come in."
"They'll knock, and you'll tell them to go to hell," I propose, nibbling at his earlobe.
"I thought you wanted to be discreet."
Lex's gestures grow soothing as he tries his best to quench the lustful hunger I have fallen victim to. My feverishness slowly fades away, and I give him one last, thorough kiss before moving back to look at him.
His fingers graze down my neck and my chest, brushing my hardened nipple as they pass it. His large palm then settles against my ribs, just under my breast, where he can surely feel my heart beat fast and strong.
It's his. Entirely. The heart under his hand, my soul, my body, my mind, my thoughts... I'm his. All of me.
Now's the right time to tell him. Finally. He must know my heart belongs to him, so he'll be sure not to break it.
"Lex, I—"
Two quick knocks on the door interrupt me. Before I can react, the panel opens.
"Sorry, I just saw your—"
Oliver stops dead in his tracks as I rip myself away from Lex, struggling to get on my feet. Pure dread invades me as I stare at Oli's shocked expression.
My eyes move from Lex, still sprawled on the armchair, to Oli, stiffly standing in the doorway. Helpless, I witness how Oli's face sinks into a wounded and troubled expression, and my heart drops low into my stomach.
Fuck, no! Not like this.