Pretending that everything is fine when my life is falling apart is unexpectedly easy. But maybe that's because Kate and Tammy get along so well, and we spend the weekend focusing on ourselves and self-care. They even drag me to a proper facility, where I get a bikini wax that apparently needs to cover my butt crack too.
Oli and I have a date on Wednesday, which I won't postpone again, no matter what. Getting waxed is an overkill because I know nothing will happen. "Just in case," the girls insist.
I forgot how much that shit hurt, and as I'm holding my knees against my chest so the technician can work her magic down there, I wonder why the fuck we do this to ourselves.
My blonde friend hasn't peeped a word about Friday evening's events, but I know she's dying to hear some details. Kate is too smart not to know who reduced me to such a state of advanced debauchery, but she understands the matter isn't funny or up for debate.
The night from Sunday to Monday provides little rest, even though I have the whole bed to myself again. I keep tossing and turning, wondering how things will be in the morning. There's a reason why bosses and employees don't mingle. It never ends well.
When my alarm rings on Monday morning, I have scarcely slept for three hours at best, and I'm in no shape to face whatever the day will throw at me. I consider calling in sick, but it's too cowardly.
So, I get ready and go to work, bottling everything up.
To my relief, Lex isn't in yet. The strong facade I built deflates at once, reassured to see the confrontation won't be happening right away. I sit on my chair, and as my computer boots, I stare at my keyboard, holding my head between my hands, elbows of the glass desk.
Today, Steven and Mason start their work on the app. I already devised a work schedule and prepared the scripts they'll work on first, but Lex hasn't gone through it yet.
It won't do any harm to hand them my schedule, so I head downstairs. A mini heart attack strikes me as soon as I enter the Troll's Lair.
He is there. Lex is at his desk with the guys.
Is he avoiding me, or is he needed down here?
"Hi, guys," I say, hoping I sound natural. They lift their heads and greet me back, except Lex, who imperceptibly tenses.
Oliver gives me a wink and a grin when our eyes meet on my way to Steven, and I smile back, admittedly awkwardly.
I spend a solid hour there, talking to Steven, then Mace. They don't seem to take the fact that I'm the project leader poorly, even though I'm the most recent hire. They are above that and are also very aware of the commendable work I did with this app.
Even when I'm back up to Lex's empty office, I can't fully relax. Despite trying to focus, I'm constantly distracted by the fact that he might come in at any second. Every time I hear someone's footsteps, I tense, and every single time someone knocks on a door in the hallway, my heart drops—even though Lex doesn't knock, a fact I'm painfully aware of.
After lunch with Tammy, Dakota, and Kat, I climb upstairs again.
This time, the office isn't empty.
Lex is on his computer, working on something. Our eyes meet over his screens, and I hold his gaze for as long as I can—not very long—before looking away and moving for my seat.
"Don't worry. I just need a few things, and I'll get back downstairs," he coldly explains.
Does it mean he's working downstairs to avoid me? We're grown adults. It's ridiculous to go to these lengths. Even if it was the most incredible kiss of my life, and I almost got his dick inside me in the process.
"Don't feel obliged to on my account," I say, trying to be professional. "It was just a kiss."
His gray eyes instantly seek mine, veiled with dark anger. I can see it clearly, despite his glasses.
Although many thoughts seem to cross his mind, he doesn't say anything and returns to his screen. I sit down to get back to work, tired of feeling like shit all the time. We remain in utter silence for a long time, and my attention span becomes that of a four-year-old. I end up breaking the silence out of necessity.
"Would you mind checking on the shared calendar and tell me if everything seems alright?" I try to give my voice an assertiveness I'm most definitely not feeling.
"I've gone through it already. I didn't see anything wrong."
From him, it's almost a compliment. Then, about half an hour later, I'm alone again. I let out a long sigh, the tension leaving my body slowly.
I sincerely hope things settle down soon because this isn't a sustainable work environment.
And I have more important things to care about. Like my date with Oli, for instance.
Of course, my wishful thinking does jack squat, and the uncomfortable tension persists for the following days. Even though Lex is barely here, away for meetings or working downstairs, there's this silent animosity in the air whenever we come across each other.
We both pretend the kiss never happened, and basically ignore each other's existence altogether. Or at least, I pretended to ignore him. Because no matter how hard I try, I can't wipe those memories out of my head. That kiss, that amazing, earth-shattering kiss, is now engraved in my brain, and I keep reliving it.
Not even Idris doing overtime is enough to chase away the need that grows in my core when I think of those steamy minutes in his car. My poor clit is about to fall off at this point, but it still manifests itself whenever our gazes accidentally meet. I really, really need to get laid.
And conveniently enough, I have a date coming up. Not that I expect anything to happen from it, but it's a first step to a potential relationship with Oli. With every day that passes, I like him more, with his gentleness, humor, attentiveness... Were it not for my frustrating boss, I'm pretty sure I would have developed more sensuous feelings for him by now.
Tamika is sitting on my bed as I browse through my things for my date with him in less than an hour. When she claps her hands to get my attention, I twist around, holding a white dress.
"I know you wore it recently, but the black dress you had for the sale's dinner looks amazing on you. And Oli hasn't seen it yet, so he won't care."
I shake my head, determined not to wear this dress ever again. For all I care, it can be thrown into an incinerator. By the twelfth outfit that gets discounted, I'm starting to understand why some girls take hours to get ready. This is draining. But finally, I end up with something that gets validation from both Tammy and Kate—the latter being included via a video call.
The final choice is a black, high-waisted bell skirt with overlay lace, and a white, off-the-shoulders boho crop top. The ensemble is cute and in good taste, perfect for a first date. My midriff is slightly exposed between the two pieces, acting as a little teaser and counterbalancing the modesty of the outfit. This time, I wear heels, and Tammy helps me again with my makeup.
She's rooting so hard for this date to succeed that she even lends me a pair of large gold hoops and an assorted necklace that highlights my neck and collarbones.
After one massive hug, and the promise of my abuela's chilaquiles to thank her, I leave. On my way out, I utter a silent prayer to whatever gods might be listening—Hindu, Norse, Muslim, Greek, Jewish...any of them, I'm not picky.
Please, make it so everything goes perfectly. Make it so a spark finally ignites, and the unwanted obsession I have over my boss transfers to Oli instead.
Lex is a matter of the flesh, and Oli is a matter of the mind. And I'm pretty strong-minded.
I learned my lesson, so I take an Uber this time. The driver drops me at the corner, fifty yards from where Oliver is waiting for me, pacing anxiously. With an amused smile on my lips, I approach my date on foot, unnoticed. He's wearing an elegant outfit—camel pants, a white T-shirt, a navy blue jacket, and at his feet, immaculate white Vans.
When I come closer, he notices my presence and turns to me. Tammy's great work makes him stop in his tracks, his jaw dropping slightly, visibly flabbergasted.
"Hi," I greet him once I'm in front of him.
He remains mute for a short moment before shaking himself out of it. "Sorry, I'm— Wow... Andy, you look—" Short of words, he shakes his head again.
"I take it Tamika did a good job, then," I say coyly, spinning a little to show off the extent of her miracle.
"You're always stunning, but now, I'm really wondering how a guy like me could get a date with a girl like you."
"You look pretty good yourself, Oliver Paulson. And I'll get back to my chucks and superhero tees in no time," I joke, sliding my arm under his. "So, where are you taking me?"
My date scores a whole lot of points when he guides me to a Korean restaurant. "The best in the city, according to Yelp," he says with pride, cleverly disclosing he did his homework to woo me.
"Good evening," a middle-aged woman welcomes us, approaching when we enter. She's even smaller than me and has a thick Korean accent. The quaint little place isn't overly decorated, with wood panels on the walls and a few paintings hanging. The furniture is simple yet elegant.
"Good evening. I have a reservation under Paulson."
"Ah! Yes! You finally here. This the girl?" she asks, looking at me with curiosity. Oli nods, and she smirks. "She very pretty. Worth the wait."
We follow her to our table, where she hands us our menus before leaving.
"She's very friendly. Have you eaten here before?" I ask Oli.
"No, it's my first time here. She knows me because I called her three times to postpone the reservation."
Fuck, right... I handled those first two attempts terribly. Now that it's happening, I'll make the best of it. "Yes, sorry about that."
"It's alright. What matters is that we finally got to do it."
The restaurant is a bullseye, perfect in so many aspects. The food is so stellar that I can cross Korea off my bucket list. Ain't no way it gets any better than this.
I have no doubt that Oli and I are highly compatible, but the date more than confirms it. Our brain chemistry matches and there isn't one moment of silence throughout. Our humor is essentially the same, and the anecdotes we share never fail to work on the other one. Our alikeness was never as evident as tonight, and I often find myself thinking of what a great couple we'd make. It seems impossible we'd even argue, and I already know our matching tastes in movies and topics would provide us with an endless supply of discussions.
At some point, long after the dessert plates are gone, he admits to having never seen Jaws, and it properly shocks me. "What! How is this even possible?"
"I don't know, I just never got to watch it," he defends himself with a laugh.
"We have to remedy this right now! Okay. You get the check, I get an Uber, and after we pay, we go to my place to watch it. I'm not letting you live another day without having seen Jaws."
He tenses for a split second, but I barely pay attention to it, already whipping out my phone from my tiny purse to get us a car. Eventually, he complies. By the time he's back, I have secured our ride to my apartment.
"Do they take credit cards?" I ask.
"It's all paid for, don't worry."
"What? Oli, we should have split."
"Call me old school, but I like to pay on a first date."
I open my mouth to insist but close it abruptly. Somehow, it momentarily slipped my mind that we are on a date. And now we're heading back to my place after our very nice dinner. Yes, it's to watch a legendary movie, but still... We ate, drank, talked, laughed... And we're now going where my bed is. Is Oli thinking about that too?
There's nothing about the way he is acting that indicates any expectation. He doesn't strike me as the pushy kind, so when he agrees to come home for a movie, I'm sure that's okay with him. But...still...
Maybe it's my realization, maybe it's the unspoken possibility of what comes next, but for the first time tonight, we're out of things to say. That silence lingers as we walk to the corner where the Uber will pick us up, and I have no idea what to do to lighten the mood. Now that the sun is down, it's much colder out here. Maybe I can mention that to get us back on track.
I must have shivered because as I'm observing the street, watching out for our car, Oli's warm jacket slips on my shoulders.
"How is it that women never take a jacket or something when they go out?" he says with humor.
"Well, I don't know about other women, but I can hardly wear one with this top. It would ruin the outfit."
He chuckles, shaking his head. "You'd look lovely in anything. I'd rather have you not catching a cold than be able to glimpse at your pretty shoulders. I'll always remember that day you arrived with that Hulk T-shirt, surprising everyone. I never saw a geek this pretty. And then you worked on that script and showed me I had never seen one this smart either."
When I turn to him, slightly shocked by his bold declaration, his eyes stare into mine. I can read many things in them, including a few I'm not ready for yet.
Some strong emotion causes my chest to tighten. As much as I wish it were love or affection, it's mostly guilt. I want his compliments to make something flutter in my stomach, like when Lex gives me the tiniest bit of attention. I want Oli to awaken something in me I didn't know existed, like Lex did. I want to want Oli because he's what I need, what's best for me. By a whole fucking mile.
A car stops next to us, breaking the moment, and the driver rolls his window down. "Are you Andrea?"
"Yes, that's me."
Oli, who can do no wrong, opens the door for me. I climb into the sleek black Honda, then slide to the other seat to allow him inside. The car takes off, and I get lost in my thoughts again.
But they aren't for Oliver.
Why do I crave Alexander so much? Why do I harbor so many fantasies about him? Why can't I get over the passionate kiss we exchanged Friday?
I don't even like the man. The little I know isn't to my taste. It makes no sense why I'd be so absurdly attracted to him when I can barely stand him. What kind of fucked up primitive impulse is that? Fuck the smart and athletic man, have his babies, and ensure the longevity and success of your lineage. I'm not a brainless animal living on instinct. I have a fully developed frontal lobe and free will. I don't have to feel like this for Lex.
I shouldn't wish so hard that the stranger never stopped us, that I fucked Lex in his car right there, that we spent the rest of the night in my bed, trying out every position we came up with. I shouldn't wish I knew what it was like to have him ramming inside me, to know the sensation of my walls pulsing around his girth as he makes me come hard.
"I'm thrilled we finally got to do this," Oli lets out beside me, ripping me away from my thoughts.
Shame. An enormous amount of shame takes over me. I'm right here next to Oli, out on a date with him, and my thoughts are for Alexander fucking Coleman. Not only that, but I'm wet at the idea of him.
I try to stop myself, but I can't. My head is filled with images of Friday night, flashing in my brain, awaking lustful needs—needs I'd give anything to feel for the man sitting next to me.
Maybe it's time to take the matter into my own hands. It's time to make it happen.
So I do just that, grabbing Oli's face to force him down onto mine, crashing our lips together.