Description- You and Billy try and try for a baby
Warning- miscarriage
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The journey to this moment had been a winding road, filled with hope, disappointment, and a deepening bond between me and Billy. From the early days of excitement and anticipation to the heartache of negative tests and dashed hopes, we had weathered it all together, finding solace and strength in each other's love
As I laid in bed with my heart filled with disappointment and sadness, I felt Billy sit down on the bed and grabbed my hand
"Hey, I know you're disappointed but I don't know I can feel it, next month is our month, it's gonna happen, I just have a feeling." I turned towards him and looked at him with tears In my eyes
"I used to have that feeling, but after spending nearly a thousand dollars on failed pregnancy tests over the past three years, and so many failed attempts to get pregnant that feeling has drifted away from me." Billy looked at me as if he was gonna cry but he just hugged me
"I'm so, so sorry." Billy held me tightly in his arms and I couldn't help but cry my eyes out
"No, Billy, it's not your fault don't apologize." I pulled back from him and wiped away the tears I saw that had fallen down his cheeks
"I know, it's just I know you're hurting and I feel bad." I smiled and gave him a little kiss on the lips, then I gave him a quick hug
"Hey, maybe you're right, the month is almost over, we'll try next month and if you're right then we'll be parents soon. Now, do you wanna go to sleep?" Billy nodded, then we both laid down and went to sleep
~time skip~
I closed the bathroom door and walked around the house to find Billy and when I did he was in the living room waiting for me
"So?" I sat down beside him and laid my head down on his shoulder my heart pumping with anxiety and excitement because if Billy's right this test might just be the first positive test we've seen
"It hasn't said yet, Billy I'm terrified that this will be just another wasted attempt, I'm terrified every attempt will be a wasted attempt." Billy smiled and gave me a kiss on the side of my head, which caused a lot of worry to leave my body
"Sweetheart, don't worry, it'll all work out, okay." I smiled then looked down at the test and gasped when I saw it. It felt like a dream but there it was - a faint, yet undeniable second line
"Oh my! Billy do you see that?!" He nodded and tears of joy streamed down my face as I turned to Billy, who was watching me with hopeful eyes
"We did it," Billy whispered, the weight of years of longing and uncertainty lifting off our shoulders
~time skip~
Almost five months have passed, and as my belly grew round with new life, Billy was there every step of the way. His hand always found its way to my bump
I was hungry so today I decided to start making dinner a little earlier than I usually do but while I was cutting up vegetables I got a sharp pain in my lower abdomen and it was so bad I had to sit down
I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and when I looked over I saw Billy grabbing his keys about to go out somewhere
"Billy." He looked over and worry immediately covered his face as soon as he saw me sitting on the floor, holding my stomach, and crying
"What happened?! Are you okay?! Is the baby okay?!" I shrugged and Billy immediately picked me up and took me outside to the car
"Where are we going?" Billy backed out of the driveway and started driving down the road
"The hospital, it may not be anything but we need to be sure." I nodded and looked forward at the road having so much anxiety about what's gonna happen when we get there
~time skip~
All I could do is look down at my stomach when the doctor left after informing us that I'm experiencing a miscarriage and I'll need to have surgery to remove any excess tissue from my uterus
"I knew it was too good to be true." Billy looked at me with bright red eyes due to the fact he'd been crying
"Hey, there will be plenty of other opportunities to try again." I looked over at him and I broke just thinking about the hours, the money, everything that we've wasted on tests, failed attempts, doctors appointments just to get pregnant then fail
"You don't know that, you do not know that, Billy. You said that it was our time to conceive then nine months later have a little baby of our own but I wasn't pregnant for five months before it was over, you heard the doctor, you saw the ultrasound there's no heartbeat! The baby is dead!" Billy wiped what looked like tears from under his eyes and I sighed regretfully
"Billy, I'm sorry, I'm upset but that doesn't give me an excuse to yell at you, it's not your fault." Billy nodded and looked at me then stood from his chair and sat beside me on the hospital bed
"Yeah, but don't you feel better after getting that off your chest?" I shrugged then nodded my head while leaning closer to him
"Yeah, but doesn't change the fact that our baby is gone." Billy wrapped his arm around me and kissed me on the head
"How about after this surgery we can go on a vacation to try and get a break from all the stress and pain we've been through recently." I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder while we both cried in grief over the loss of our baby
~time skip~
Billy laid in the bed with me since I've been on bed rest after my surgery and he decided to give me some company
Ever since I had the miscarriage Billy has been there for me. He hasn't been to work, he was in the waiting room during my surgery, he's just been by my side. He's been my rock. He held me when I cried, listened when I needed to talk, and simply stayed by my side, a constant reminder that I'm not alone in my pain
"Do you ever feel like it's my fault that we haven't had a baby yet? Like I've not been able to conceive and when I did conceive I couldn't carry the baby completely through my pregnancy." Billy shook his head and placed his hand on my cheek
"I don't blame you at all for our pregnancy problems, for all we know I could be the problem, or there's no problem at all." I turned off my side and onto my back
"I don't know but I wish the sadness of this miscarriage would go away." Billy hugged me and gave me little loving kisses on the neck
"Me too, I know she would've been just as beautiful as her mama." I smiled and looked at Billy with pure love and shock
"You wanted a girl?" Billy nodded and I pouted my lips and smiled at him causing him to shove me playfully
"That's so sweet." Billy rolled his eyes and pulled me closer to him
"It's not sweet, just cause my preferred gender for our baby is a girl doesn't mean it's sweet." I shook my head at him because he didn't understand
"I meant what you said is sweet, that our daughter would be as beautiful as me, that's like the sweetest thing ever." Billy nodded and rubbed his hands up and down my back
~time skip~
I woke up and looked around to notice that Billy was no longer in bed with me but I had a feeling I knew where I could find him. I smiled and leaned in the doorway when I saw him with Desirae laying on his chest while he read a book to her
"Billy, why aren't you in bed? Did she wake up?" Billy shook his head and looked down at Desirae before looking back up at me
"No, I just missed her so I came in here and woke her up." I walked over to the little couch in her room and sat down on it next to Billy
"Billy you've got to let her sleep." When me and Billy had heard her crying when I gave birth to her we both bawled our eyes out because we were so happy to finally have what we'd always wanted. The cherry on top though was when Billy was flipping through the book of baby names and he started crying when he found her name because it's meanings are, desired, wished, and long hoped for
"But I love her so much that the sixteen hours we're awake isn't enough." I laughed and picked her up off his chest and placed her back in her crib
"Go back to sleep baby." I grabbed Billy's hand and we walked out of her room and into mine and Billy's room
"Billy, are you scared of losing her? Cause we're not gonna lose her. This isn't like our first pregnancy, we'll have Desirae for the rest of our lives, yeah she'll grow and eventually move out and have a family of her own but she'll be a call away, heck if we get lucky she may just be a short walk or drive away, and just think the beautiful woman she'll grow into, the beautiful grandkids she'll gift us, we're not losing her." Billy pouted then leaned down to give me a sad kiss
"You know I thought I'd be the one comforting you about this exact thing." I chuckled at him then fixed the collar of his shirt cause it was bent and it was bothering me
"Well I told you this once and I'll tell you again, you may have and tough exterior but on the inside you are a softy." I turned around and when I went to walk into the bedroom Billy smacked me on the butt
"That's what you get for calling me soft, I'm tough and you know it." I stopped in the doorway and turned around because deep down inside I know I agree that 16 hours is too little
"If you promise to let her sleep you can bring the baby in here and let her sleep with us." Billy jumped up at down before running and getting Desirae
"Tough my ass." I walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed while waiting for Billy to get back
When Billy walked in the room Desirae was looking around sleepy and confused and I couldn't help but laugh at her expression and her messy hair
"Hey, sweetie, did daddy wake you up?" She nodded and Billy handed her to me and she laid on my chest
As we laid in bed, watching our baby sleep peacefully, Billy wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. "I love you," he whispered, his voice filled with emotion. "And I love our little family."