*SCHOOL IDOL CLUBROOM - NIJIGASAKI HIGH SCHOOL - ODAIBA - TOKYO*
Today was supposed to be a day for celebration, but I feel as though a dark cloud has been cast.
Though the skies are blue, our minds are not the same. Not only to have learned the news of Setsuna's impending retirement, but to also have learned that she has been struggling with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy... HCM...
It means that when she has given it her all as a school idol, she has felt pain in her chest... And to please her fans, she has pushed through that pain to put on the phenomenal and flashy performances she has been known for, for two years now...
At the Rainbow Hearts Tourney, three performances were enough to burn her out, leaving her open for Lanzhu to sweep the victory. I can't imagine the pain she must have been experiencing, all because I pushed her to try and beat the Clique.
Not only that, but MY idea of crashing Liella!'s Diver City show is what caused Setsuna to get hurt by Hitomi Shiga. As much as I want to feel animosity towards her, I can't... Because that's not what Setsuna wants.
What she DOES want is to go out with a bang, on the best exit possible at the School Idol Festival.
Even so... Three performances were taxing on Setsuna's body enough. While at the Main Stage contest, she'll have to perform FIVE TIMES.
The only one with any position to change that would be me, the School Idol Festival's Chairman. As much as I would want to shorten the number of performances to three, it won't be fair on the other groups.
Plus it will feed into Kanon Shibuya's theory of me being a nepotistic Chairman who only does things to sway things in my group's favor.
That's who I am as a Producer.
But not who I am as a Chairman.
At the School Idol Festival, I want an even playing field just as much as she does. Because when we wipe the smile off of her face I want there to be NO EXCUSES whatsoever.
Because that seems to be all that Liella! are good for today... Excuses for their own shortcomings. Excuses as to why they couldn't defeat Sunny Passion or win Love Live! Yet DiverDiva did it on THEIR HOME TURF on their first try!
Saying that you want it more, or that you worked hard for it is not an excuse. Because NOBODY goes into a school idol competition without WANTING it, without WORKING for it!
But no, Liella! think that they're an exception to that! They think that the world revolves around them like they're superstars. So they had to rely on a major corporation to rig things in their favor.
And that pisses me off!
...I'm sorry.
I'm really on edge today after the news. The slightest of things can irritate me in this state. But more than anything I'm angry at myself for not seeing the signs...
They were all there.
...
NANA: "The school made its best efforts to promote school idol activity. The institution started the club and was so approving of it that they even allowed students from other institutions to join it."
AKI: "W-Wait, the school went that far to promote school idols at Nijigasaki Academy?"
NANA: "Indeed. We believe we promoted school idol activity as much as we could. But if the result for the idea was bad with that much promotion behind it then it just wasn't meant to be. It's a shame because the club seemed fine at first too."
KASUMI: "It went really well at first! Setsuna was actually out there as a bona-fide school idol, too!"
NANA: "Indeed. There was one student who...actually had good results."
AKI: "In that case there shouldn't be any problems if the club has at least one member with good results. So why is the club about to be disbanded then?"
KASUMI: "Um...about that...well... Everyone's actually kind of on a break right now. They should be back eventually...(hopefully...)"
AKI: "Why don't you just make that Setsuna person the leader? If she has actually been out there as one, then she must really love school idols!"
KASUMI: "Setsuna...You see senpai... we... don't talk about that too mu-"
AKI: "Kasumi, let's find Setsuna and ask her to come back!"
KASUMI: "Senpai! She's..."
NANA: "Setsuna Yuki is the one who fractured the School Idol Club in the first place..."
Nana blaming herself for the first School Idol Club's failure. A coping mechanism for her to let go of her Setsuna persona and move on...
...
KASUMI: "B-But why'd you tell us to do something as tough as getting ten members? Y-You didn't want the club to get disbanded either, right?!"
SETSUNA: "I wanted to keep it going, but... I was afraid. Since I'm the one who brought us this low."
SHIZUKU: "No one thinks it's your fault, Setsuna!"
SETSUNA: "No, it is my fault. I loved school idols so much that I couldn't contain it. I wanted to share those feelings with everyone, so I pushed so much onto you girls.
I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't help myself. And I was really afraid that would distance me from all of you."
She couldn't contain it. No matter how hard she tried to let go it was no use. We all gave her hope to continue her school idol career for another year, leading her to neglect her health for the sake of the Club...
Because she was worried that it would distance herself from the other Club members. After all it was Setsuna they were friends with, not Nana... And getting rid of Setsuna meant letting go of the like-minded friends she made.
...
Those early days of how Setsuna would stay late to practice, when her performance was already made.
KARIN: "By the way, I've been wondering, are we allowed to stay late to practice?"
AKI: "Shouldn't be a problem. The teachers gave me permission to let the club stay here until 8pm."
KARIN: "Hmm, is that so? It's about time I perfected my dance, so I'm going to use every minute I have today. Although Setsuna and Kasumi are still the hardest workers."
AKI: "I have to agree with that, they stay late almost every day."
KARIN: "Not to sound harsh here or anything Boss, but I kinda understand why Kasumi stays. She's got a lot of places that have room for improvement."
AKI: "I don't see what's harsh about that, it's just constructive criticism."
KARIN: "It's just... I'm surprised that Setsuna stays too, though. She's the best out of all of us, right? So why bother?"
AKI: "You are? Well, why not ask her yourself? Personally, I think I already know what she'll reply with."
KARIN: "You do? That's a little vexing that you know, and I don't. I'll go ask her right now!
...Hey Setsuna, do you have a minute?"
SETSUNA: "Hmm? Karin? What is it?"
KARIN: "I heard from the Boss that you stay here late almost every day. Is that true?"
SETSUNA: "Yes! I've got so many ideas to try out for the event, so lately I've been putting in extra time. There just aren't enough hours in the day!"
KARIN: "Can I ask why? From my perspective, your performances already look perfect."
SETSUNA: "Haha! Not even close Karin! I'm still exploring many different possibilities."
KARIN: "You're that far ahead and yet still experimenting? Don't you ever think you've perfected a routine?"
SETSUNA: "Well, I can tell when I've improved. But I always then ask myself, is my choreography good enough? Can I sing better? I try to find better alternatives through trial and error."
KARIN: "I don't see how you could do things any better. Your performance fits you like a glove, one that's perfectly suited to your personality."
SETSUNA: "Thank you so much! It really means a lot Karin to hear you say that. But inside, I feel like if I just perform a certain way because it fits my character... Both me and the people watching me will just get bored eventually."
KARIN: "...Bored?"
SETSUNA: "So up until the last second, I always want my inner self Nana Nakagawa and the school idol known as Setsuna Yuki to be scrutinizing each other. And I think... That's the real path to finding a new, higher-level Setsuna Yuki!"
KARIN: "..."
SETSUNA: "Our allotted club time just isn't enough. That's why I stay late. In fact, I've gotta get back to working on myself! Keep up the good work, Karin!"
KARIN: "R-Right... You too."
I don't think that was to do with different possibilities. That was a cover up for stamina training, so that she could maintain holding more frequent performances going forward.
And the comment she made about Setsuna Yuki and Nana Nakagawa scrutinizing each other... She only mentioned a higher level Setsuna Yuki, the side which she would portray on the stage.
But not a higher level Nana Nakagawa... Because she was more comfortable with being Setsuna and believed that wearing the mask would help her to forget the limitations that Nana Nakagawa suffers from.
...
EMMA: "I know it's not a dream, but it sure feels like one."
KARIN: "Emma, want me to pinch your cheek?"
EMMA: "What?!"
SETSUNA: "No pinch me! S-Someone, p-please PINCH ME! THANK YOU SO MUCH AYUMU, I LOVE YOU! MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT!"
AYUMU: "Whoa! Setsuna, hang in there!"
KASUMI: "I'll fan you with my favorite towel!"
After Ayu beat the competition and punched out ticket to the School Idol Festival's Main Stage, Setsuna made a comment about her heart not being able to take the level of excitement. We all thought she was figuratively speaking, but we never knew how literal it was...
...
After the ten contests we held against μ's, we realized that as a team we were nowhere near their level, and that only improving ourselves and getting a deeper understanding of eachother could we ever come together and stand a chance against them on the Main Stage.
Karin used that as an opportunity to get to know the secrets of her rival, Setsuna. As if she was trying to find any weaknesses in her seemingly 'legendary' persona.
KARIN: "I think this is a good opportunity to find out Setsuna's secrets."
SETSUNA: "Wait, my secrets?! Don't you guys already know mine...?"
KARIN: "No one cares that you're the student council president. You are who you are. We want to know the real secrets about Setsuna Yuki, the school idol!"
SETSUNA: "What? I don't have any secrets, though."
AKI: "..."
KARIN: "We want to know what the normal you is like. You must have secrets about your normal life, right?"
SETSUNA: "My normal life..."
SHIZUKU: "I'm curious too. Like whether your expressiveness on stage is a natural talent, or if you do some kind of special training."
KARIN: "Yeah. You're interested about that too, right Shizuku?"
SHIZUKU: "I am."
SETSUNA: "Uhh... Wh-What should I do?"
AKI: *Sigh* "Setsuna, why don't you just show them how you are normally?"
SETSUNA: "But that's... I'm not sure... Just showing you was a big step for me..."
AKI: "You said how it was nice to finally have someone to talk to about the things you like, right?"
SETSUNA: "Right..."
AKI: "They both want to know, so if you explain things you'll have more people to talk to about it."
SETSUNA: "Talk? You're right. If I can't do it, I'll just stop."
AKI: "So, what are you gonna do? We can't force you so-"
SETSUNA: "No, I'm going to do it. Karin, Shizuku, I will tell you my secret!"
She was unusually defensive about the topic, as anyone would be about their secrets. But she was so secretive about manga and anime?
We had all already known that she was a fanatic just from the way she would make frequent references. So personally, I don't think that watching anime was the secret she was hiding.
She was fidgety when Karin asked about her normal life. And while she couldn't say that she suffers from HCM, she could still mention the activities that got her through her childhood.
It's something that she could have told us back then, but she took the burden all upon herself and acted normal so that she wouldn't hold the Club back.
Plus...I know most of our members look up to Setsuna as a source of inspiration, she was the first Nijigasaki High School idol... She feared that if she let them know how much she was struggling within, it would make them lose that fire that she helped to ignite within them.
Knowing a rival's greatest weakness is an invitation to complacency.
...
NANA: "Zzz...Zzz..."
RINA: "Hm?"
AKI: "Oh, Setsuna is sleeping."
SHIZUKU: "Setsuna has been working extra hard at practice lately, and she put a lot of effort into our P.V. So, she's probably exhausted."
AKI: "She said she stayed late yesterday, too. She must have been doing a lot of student council stuff. I just hope that she kept up with it all during the video making. Let's just let her rest a little. We can do this for her."
RINA: "Rina-chan Board says, 'Agreed!'"
When Rina, Shizuku, and I were helping Nana out with her Student Council work, she became increasingly tired rather quickly.
It wasn't normal. We were all working hard towards our P.V, even Rina who lacked stamina back then had no problems doing extra work.
But Setsuna... She was out like a light in no time.
...
Back at her public debate with Shioriko, she mentioned something...
NANA: "My vision for Nijigasaki High School is... A school that students want to attend. A place they want to spend three years at. A school where we can pursue our passions and write our own stories. High School only lasts for three short years of our lives, but I think some things can only be done in these three years."
That quote... 'but I think some things can only be done in these three years'.
She was referring to being a school idol, and how she's completely aware of the fleeting time she has left to be one. After all, she wanted nothing more than to pursue her passions and write the story of Setsuna Yuki.
...
NANA: "By selfishly choosing both the Student Council and school idol activities, I have not only divided my attention but everyone else's, too. This is what she was talking about. Right now, everyone should be focusing in the School Idol Festival preparations and yet..."
AKI: "...What are you trying to say?"
NANA: "Everyone, there's something I want to say to all of you."
KANATA: "Why are you getting all serious on us?"
NANA: "I want to truly thank everyone for all of the help you have given me up to now. I will always rely on your support."
AI: "Of course we'd help you! And we'll always support you!"
NANA: "But from now on, I will rely on your support only in my heart."
AYUMU: "Huh?"
NANA: "I am leaving the School Idol Club. I will take on the Student Council election on my own."
EVERYONE: "What?!"
AKI: "...But we're a team. Right? We're in on this campaign together!"
NANA: "I'm sorry, Akihiko. But you most of all have another job to focus on. You cannot provide a half-hearted School Idol Festival. So I trust in you to focus fully on being the Committee's Chairman."
When Setsuna quit the Club to focus on her campaign, she mentioned that she didn't want to do things half-heartedly.
Not only because she was dividing her time between Student Council duties and school idol activities...
...rather because only half of her heart functions properly, she wanted to push against that.
She was ready to sever her ties with the School Idol Club and lay Setsuna to rest. Only relying on our support in her heart, even though she was leaving us...
Why would she rely on our support in her heart if she was leaving?
Because her heart is a limitation, and she was placing a limit on her friendship with us.
...
NANA: *Sigh* "Some things, Akihiko, cannot be achieved by working in half measures. Winning against Mifune is no easy task. Similarly, reviving the School Idol Festival is no easy task either.
Which is why I want you to focus solely on bringing the School Idol Festival back, not half-heartedly, but wholeheartedly."
When I confronted her after she left the Club, she mentioned how some things 'cannot be achieved by working in half measures'.
She knew...
She knew back then that she wouldn't be able to achieve a full school idol career of three years due to her condition.
Then she told me that she wanted me to focus on the School Idol Festival wholeheartedly, since I have a fully functional heart. She's been alluding to this for a while...
...
NANA: "That's it! I'm done! I can't take it anymore!"
AKI: "Wh-What's wrong, Setsuna?!"
NANA: "Well, listen to me and you'll figure it out."
KARIN: "J-Just calm down, okay? This isn't like you."
EMMA: "Setsuna, here. Have a drink of water."
NANA: "Th-Thank you, Emma. Phew."
RINA: "Do you feel better?"
KANATA: "Now, what happened?"
AKI: "People aren't bullying you are they?"
NANA: "N-No! Well... I talked to my parents about why I retired as Student Council President and told them about secretly being a school idol."
AKI: "Oh?"
NANA: "My parents are really strict. I had some freedom when I was the Student Council President, but when I lost they told me to take some worthwhile lessons instead.
But now that I want to focus on being a school idol, I can't take other lessons. I thought this would be a good opportunity to bring it up to them, but..."
KANATA: "You have been working in secret. Your parents must've been really surprised."
NANA: "Oh, you bet..."
KARIN: "So, did they listen to you?"
NANA: "I kept talking to them because I really wanted them to understand, but... They think I was kicked out of the Student Council because of the school idol thing! They said being a school idol is a waste of time.
That's ridiculous! They just don't understand what school idols are! I want them to understand that this is not something I'm willing to give up on. So...I'm running away!"
Somehow, it doesn't make sense to me... It doesn't add up... How Setsuna said her parents viewed school idol activities as a waste of time.
It presented the image in my head that they were your stereotypically strict parents who want their child to focus on academics.
However, when I actually met Setsuna's parents, they didn't seem anything like that. In fact, they were very supportive of Setsuna and her school idol career.
I don't think that Setsuna was running away from them because they thought school idol activities were beneath her or hindering to her grades...
In actuality, I think Setsuna ran away because they were concerned for her health. Doing something as strenuous as school idol activities would be taxing for Setsuna's heart. Her parents were worried about her, and Setsuna...well...
...Setsuna was in denial. She wanted them to know that she could handle the physical stress being a school idol brings. And when they put their foot down and forbade her, she took drastic measures and ran away from home.
...
SETSUNA: "A text? Oh, it's from Mom!"
EMMA: "What?! Wh-What does it say?"
SETSUNA: "Um... 'Your live performance today was exceptional, Nana. I saw what you wanted to protect. I do not know how long it has been since I last saw you look so lively. What we thought was best for you ended up taking the smile away from your face. From here on, please follow what your heart wants. You have our full support. However, you can't let your grades drop by getting too obsessed with practice, okay? Thank you for inviting us to such a lovely live show today. P.S. Send mine and your father's praise to the other young women. They're all so talented! We can't wait to see the rest of the show!'"
Then when Setsuna actually performed at our Joint Solo Live Show, her parents got to see her sing and dance. They noticed that there was no problem with her physically, and that she could handle it.
Because, personally, I don't think that had they been strictly academic, that it would have taken one performance to change their minds. They would have had excuses about how much time goes into making a live show like that.
Plus, Setsuna's mother commenting about how she didn't know how long it had been since she last saw her so lively. It meant that she was used to seeing her in a depleted state... Referring to a childhood mostly spent without physical activity.
...
Then there was that matter of when I approached Setsuna about making her own fan club.
AKI: "Hey, Setsuna, how do you feel about making your own fan club?"
SETSUNA: "A fan club?"
AKI: "Yeah. Everyone else either has one or is making one, so you should too.
It might help you communicate your thoughts and feelings to more people.
We're getting a lot of messages from fans saying they'd love it if you made one. What do you say?"
SETSUNA: "Well, that's..."
AKI: "You don't seem interested?"
SETSUNA: "I'm sorry. I know you bring it up in good faith, but I don't think I should make one."
AKI: "Ah, shit..."
SETSUNA: "I sincerely apologize. I know you have my best interest in mind, as well as those of my fans."
AKI: "It's fine... Don't worry about it. You've got your own thoughts on the matter."
SETSUNA: "About that... I don't want you to get the wrong idea. It's not that I think fan clubs are a bad thing.
I've definitely noticed how much fun everyone has been having with then on more than one occasion. But..."
AKI: "But?"
SETSUNA: "But I don't think it fits with my current ideals as a school idol."
AKI: "Why's that?"
SETSUNA: "If I made a fan club, I believe I'd want to prioritize its members over everyone else."
AKI: "Shouldn't that fact convince people why they should join?"
SETSUNA: "I'm sure that's what they would want, and I would always want to do my best to meet their expectations.
However, my goal isn't to connect with a select group of people. I want my feelings to reach far and wide, to all the people in the world.
That's why, at the moment, I don't want to create any kind of...exclusivity, if you will."
AKI: "I see. Yeah, you've got a point there. Fan clubs do give a select group of people special treatment."
SETSUNA: "I understand that comes off as stuck up, but it's honestly only because I'm not skillful enough to handle one. Still, I..."
AKI: "No, I think that's a perfectly good reason, and it shows how much thought you put into what you really want to do.
Besides, that's exactly the kind of thing that makes people wanna cheer you on."
SETSUNA: "You really think so?"
AKI: "Of course. I'm saying this as one of your fans. I'll be there to support you all the way through whatever you set your mind to."
SETSUNA: "Th-Thank you very much. I knew you would understand me."
AKI: "I'm glad I got to talk to you about how you feel, too. Let's keep thinking of what we need to do to turn your dreams into reality.
We'll figure out how to make your performances, and your message, spread to as many people as possible."
SETSUNA: "Can I count on you to lend me your strength?"
AKI: "Of course, I'll help with anything you wish to do."
SETSUNA: "Thank you very much!"
While yes, the exclusivity comment does make sense, it lacks a foundation for a school idol.
After all, a school idol is mostly exclusive to their representing school. So why would Setsuna, a school idol, have such a grave problem with exclusivity when it's such a huge part of being school idols?
And for someone who loves it when people gather together to spread their love, it made absolutely no sense that she would refuse to make a fan club. I'm certain she would have loved to have made one, a platform for her to share her love with others...
But...
She knew her time was running out. She didn't want to make a fan club, because she knew there was always the possibility of her condition worsening and forcing her to retire. Why make the fan club when it runs the risk of disappointing the fans who had just signed up to it?
That's because a fan club is a long term deal. And Setsuna...is unfortunately not in a position to make long term deals.
...
SETSUNA: "Shioriko, thank you so much! It was thanks to you that I realized what I needed to focus on.
And thank you for validating me. Our viewpoints may be different, but you didn't reject me. You accepted me... So I feel confident in being who I am.
And that's why at my next live show, I'm going to sing a song that's full of all my feelings of love!
Of course, thinking about what other people love is wonderful in its own right. But it's hard for me to love those things in the same way they do.
You don't love something because you decide to love it. You just realize that you already do."
AYUMU: "..."
SETSUNA: "So I'm not going to sing a song that tries to speak on behalf of others or do what they want of me. I'm going to sing from the heart about what I'm feeling!
Some of my fans might notice that how I feel is a bit different from how they feel as a result. But I can't help that.
A world where everyone can freely say what they love isn't one where people push what they love on others. It's on where no one denies or rejects others for what they love!"
She thanked Shioriko for setting her on the path of solely focusing on being a school idol while she still could.
Plus, how excessively she was spreading love in such a short period of time... Why the rush?
She said 'You don't love something because you decide to love it. You just realize that you already do'. Referring to her own love for being a school idol and that she didn't simply choose to be one... This all chose her. And she wanted to sing from the heart about how much she loves being a school idol.
...
Of course there was the Rainbow Hearts Tourney...
KASUMI: "NO! This can't be happening... Setsuna was our only hope! We know how talented she is and yet even SHE got steamrolled by Lanzhu?!
Th-This isn't happening... The School Idol Club can't have lost!"
SHIZUKU: "It felt like all the other times Lanzhu stole the show... Her performance was so powerful that the sheer strength of her charm just mesmerized everyone watching."
RINA: "Setsuna can usually do that too. But she seemed a bit different this time. Rina-chan Board says, 'Sad'."
KASUMI: "B-But her performance was great! She couldn't have lost from that one little slip afterwards, right?!"
AKI: "No... You may not have seen it, but I did. There were several missed steps in her performance, her voice sounded shaky on those high notes... It's like she wasn't focused."
SETSUNA: *Groan* "I lost by a landslide, you guys!"
AKI: "You did well to make it this far, Setsuna."
SETSUNA: "It was a match I absolutely couldn't lose... And you all pinned your hopes and dreams on me... I'm so, so sorry that I failed you!
I don't know how I can ever make it up to you... I'm so ashamed, I just can't forgive myself."
AKI: "Don't apologize. You didn't let us down, Setsuna. It's not your fault."
SETSUNA: "But it is!"
AKI: "No... It's ours."
EVERYONE: "Huh?"
AKI: "You were too preoccupied with winning on behalf of all of us in the School Idol Club, weren't you? Did that make you unable to enjoy performing like usual?"
SETSUNA: "What?"
AKI: "Take it from someone who's experienced that. It's exactly how I felt against Maki.
Except thankfully, you didn't faint from pressure."
RINA: "I think so too, Setsuna. You weren't your usual self out there."
SHIZUKU: "We put too much pressure on you."
KASUMI: "That's what happened? Nooo, I'm so sorry! It's all my fault because I told you that you HAD to win!
I should've just believed in you, Setsuna! I'm really sorry!"
SETSUNA: "Please don't apologize! Even if that might've been the case, I still should've focused on my performance... I'm too inexperienced. I'm sorry!"
KANATA: "What's going on in here? We could hear you apologizing to each other from the hallway."
EMMA: "Did someone spill a drink or something?"
SHIZUKU: "No, that's not it. We were all apologizing because it's our fault that Setsuna wasn't able to give her usual performance."
SETSUNA: "That's not true, Shizuku! You guys entrusted me with all your passionate hopes, and it's my fault that I couldn't channel that passion into my performance!"
KASUMI: "I'm saying you didn't do anything wrong, Setsuna!
This is all because we lost in the first place. We're the ones who failed you."
KANATA: "Umm... I'm not sure, but I think I'm getting the picture.
Kasumi's apologizing to Setsuna for putting pressure on her, and Setsuna's apologizing for losing under all that pressure. Do I have that right?"
AKI: "Yes..."
KANATA: "This is why we didn't want to compete in the tournament, sorry."
AKI: *Sigh*
EMMA: "Yeah, that's why we didn't participate..."
SETSUNA: "Whether anyone wanted to compete in the tournament or not, there's no reason to apologize for it."
AKI: "Oh... That's enough! Call it a day, go get changed. We lost! Fuck it! But enough of this pity party before I lose my damn mind... We're the Nijigasaki High School Idol Club! I know we're better than...THIS!"
I feel like such an idiot... I saw through the performance and noticed that Setsuna wasn't performing at her best, and then when she tripped over and fell onto Yu, I assumed my suspicions were confirmed.
Setsuna's decline in performance skills I had first assumed to have been due to the pressure we as a Club put on her to defeat Lanzhu and the Clique.
But I had no idea that it was something deeper than that. Because other times when the pressure has been on, Setsuna has delivered.
No... I do believe that pressure did play a factor in that performance. But I think it was the pressure that was pushing her to go past her limits, which led to her fatigue catching up so quickly...
Plus, I didn't want to say it... But she looked a little grey on the stage when Lanzhu received the trophy. I thought that was due to repulsion, not exhaustion...
...
Back when I was helping her train for the Nijigasaki High School Movie Festival, she said something there...
AKI: "So explain the concept of a 'Cuteness Factor' in layman's terms, please."
SETSUNA: "Hmm... It might be a little difficult to express it in words.
For me, it's when looking at a character's gestures, expressions, and emotions tugs at my heart and all I can do is roll around on my bed. I can't help it... It's that intense."
AKI: "You can't help it... Wow..."
That quote, 'all I can do is roll around on my bed'. Meaning that she would often read her manga in bed. Which is bizarre, because I've spent time with her at her place and I've never seen her read a manga on her bed. She's always reading them on her desk.
But growing up reading manga however... She must have spent a lot of time bedridden and reading them.
Hmm...
SETSUNA: "Umm... Big brother! I wanna eat a triple ice cream cone! And I want a bite of yours, too!"
GYAAAAHHH!! Why did I have to think of that all of a sudden?!
...
Intrusive thoughts aside, I can't help but also think back to our 'Nijigasaki Passions' campaign in preparation for the School Idol Showcase.
Setsuna asked me to help her film an episode of 'A Passionate Life'.
SETSUNA: "Oh, I just finished sorting out the run sheet for tomorrow. What do you think about this?
Here's the bit of narration we'll start off with: 'Setsuna Yuki starts the day bright and early'.
As for what time... Let's say about five in the morning. I usually get up at six, but I want an early-morning feel for the footage.
I wake up with a refreshed jolt, change into my training gear, then go for a run. After that-"
AKI: "You've put a lot of thought into this. Paying attention to details."
SETSUNA: "That's because I want more and more people to learn about and love me, Setsuna Yuki!"
It was solely focused on what 'Setsuna Yuki' would do, but never once the mention of what 'Nana Nakagawa' would do.
Sure, it was obviously to protect her secret school idol identity, but the whole run sheet felt...fabricated.
Like it was Setsuna's ideal schedule of what she does throughout the day, but not what Nana herself does.
I knew back then that something felt wrong with the recording, but I guess I failed to figure out that it was because the schedule wasn't genuine...
Setsuna is clearly self-conscious about how people see her.
...
Then that would only make what I said during my big Valentine's freakout even worse...
SETSUNA: "You promised you'd always be on our side, no matter what happens. You'll cheer us on with everything you've got. That was the promise you made when you became Club President...
You're still our Club President, remember?!"
AKI: "I know exactly who I am. I don't have to take identity advice from someone who is too scared to use her own name, Nana."
SETSUNA: "?!"
AKI: "For someone people call 'legendary,' you put on a terrible performance at our last live show."
She knew more than anyone that she was scared to use the name 'Nana Nakagawa'... I didn't have to remind her of that...
Plus, the performance at that live show happened after the School Idol Club impulsively volunteered to help the Basketball Club... There was a lot of running involved with that, and I guess it tired Setsuna out.
Which completely explains her drop in performance, not only due to a lack of training like everyone else...
...
After the tragic night at Diver City, after Hitomi Shiga's kicks... Setsuna was rather quick to try and find a new passion.
SETSUNA: "Ugh, this is so hard... It's tough work writing a story. My head feels like a mess..."
AKI: "Don't push yourself too hard. I don't want to lose you again."
SETSUNA: "H-Hey, I'm gonna take a little run to cool my head!"
AKI: "Seriously?"
SETSUNA: "These are just growing pains, I think. I just have to overcome it.
Well, here I go!"
AKI: "S-Setsuna! Hey! Remember to take it eaaaasssyyyyyy!!!"
She knew that her time as a school idol was drawing to a close. So she started to focus on her drawing skills to become a mangaka.
Plus, when I said that I didn't want to lose her again, her reaction was strange...
She knew that I would inevitably lose her as a school idol anyway, and the pressure in her head became too overwhelming for her to tell me.
So, she ran. I'm guessing she cried... And to cheer herself up, she went to the maid café Koto- *ahem* Minalinsky works at. She must have bumped into Shizuku when running, and they both decided to go together.
...
AKI: "Setsuna, I've got your work all packed up. Did you fill out your entry form for the Newcomer Award yet?"
SETSUNA: "I have most of it filled out, but I'm not sure what to put down as my pen name..."
AKI: "Why can't you use 'Setsuna Yuki'?"
SETSUNA: "That wouldn't feel right..."
Why?
Why wouldn't it feel right?
I've always told her that I see Setsuna Yuki and Nana Nakagawa as the same wonderful person.
So what would be so wrong in using the Setsuna Yuki name? And saying that she didn't write it alone wasn't an excuse either, since I barely did anything.
Rather, I think she didn't want to keep the Setsuna Yuki name alive for much longer... Being a mangaka named 'Setsuna Yuki' keeps the name alive, when she said in her acceptance speech that she would rather see 'Setsuna Yuki' be remembered as a school idol.
...
Something that alluded to it the most was when I was helping her prepare for the acceptance speech.
AKI: "Your award ceremony is next week, I can't wait to see you up there, Setsuna."
SETSUNA: "...Indeed."
AKI: *Sigh* "I knew it."
SETSUNA: "Knew what?"
AKI: "Something's bugging you, isn't there?"
SETSUNA: "Oh, don't worry about it, I'm fine."
AKI: "That only makes me even more worried about you..."
SETSUNA: "..."
AKI: "Setsuna, please... You can tell me."
SETSUNA: "Right, but... Could it please wait until after the ceremony? I'd prefer to focus on that for now."
I see now what was bugging her all along... What she had been neglecting to tell me...
...
Then something weird was said during our preparations for the High School Games Creator Contest...
RINA: "All right, let's begin the strategy meeting."
SETSUNA: "Strategy meeting... That has such a nice ring to it. I couldn't be more excited! Be still, my..."
AKI: "Hm?"
SETSUNA: "...M-My heart! Yeah, that's it."
MIA: "How do you expect to make it to the end if you're already this worked up?"
SETSUNA: "..."
MIA: "Well?"
SETSUNA: "It's okay. If I fall, I'll at least fall forward!"
MIA: "Just make sure you don't collapse on us..."
SETSUNA: "..."
She felt uncomfortable mentioning her heart... And felt insecure when Mia unknowingly joked about Setsuna possibly not being able to make it to the end if she works herself up too much beforehand.
Then, 'If I fall, I'll AT LEAST fall forward'. Why add the 'at least' part to that if you haven't ever experienced that?
The truth was that she had experienced it before and it's from falling forward from collapsing that she knows she can say 'at least' with self-awareness.
...
That same day I spent some time with Nana to help her buy a dress to accept her award in.
Though at first I expected Nana, but I was greeted by Setsuna.
Setsuna shared some details with me about what kind of girl Nana is...
AKI: "Hmm... Though I was expecting to go shopping with Nana, not Setsuna."
SETSUNA: "I'm sorry. It was really tough for me to decide which version of me should accompany you today.
Plus, Nana never really meets up with people, so...wouldn't Setsuna be the better me for something like this?"
AKI: "You didn't spend a lot of time with friends when you were younger?"
SETSUNA: "It's embarrassing, but yes."
AKI: "Relax, it's just me. Plus... Setsuna? Nana? It doesn't really matter to me.
You're both the same wonderful person."
SETSUNA: "Th-Thanks!"
AKI: "Even so, if we're choosing an outfit for Nana Nakagawa, then surely you would want to be her, right?"
SETSUNA: "If that's the case, then you're the first friend she's ever spent time with..."
AKI: "Huh?"
SETSUNA: "Like I said, growing up as Nana, I never had any friends to hang out with... I was too busy...um...studying."
AKI: "Setsuna..."
Me being the first friend Nana hanged out with...
And how Nana never had any friends growing up. The lie about her being too busy studying, when in actuality, she was bedridden and couldn't spend time with the other kids.
...
Lastly, I remembered that during our contest preparations, Setsuna mentioned that we should buy some energy drinks.
In response, I told her that they weren't good for the heart and that we should buy coffee instead.
RINA: "35% with less than 24 hours to go..."
AKI: "It's a tall order, but we'll just have to keep at it."
MIA: "I'm ready to work through the night."
SETSUNA: "Me too. I have coffee as well, so don't worry. I can handle this."
AKI: "Hm? I thought you usually drank energy drinks."
SETSUNA: "Oh, uh, d-don't worry about it! Guess I'm just taking a healthier source of caffeine lately."
AKI: "Oh. That makes sense."
Setsuna is stubborn, so I wouldn't think she'd move onto coffee so suddenly and neglect her favorite energy drinks.
The 'healthier source of caffeine' comment, it referred back to what I told her about energy drinks.
It...scared her into drinking coffee instead out of the worry that something bad would happen to her heart if she continued drinking the energy drinks instead...
...
All of these signs...
All of my self-confidence in thinking that I knew Setsuna better than anyone...
But in actuality, I never knew about her deeply at all. I didn't know the struggles that she has been experiencing daily since the day she was born.
And I feel like an idiot for not noticing these signs sooner...
It makes me wonder if I truly know the others either.
Even though I know it's not healthy to want to know everything about another person...
I guess it's just my obsessive idol fanboy side flaring up again.
Instead of letting those emotions overcome me, I need to put my focus into being a producer.
Because, I've decided to call an emergency meeting with the School Idol Club.
We've got a lot of matters at hand and not much time left to fulfil them without preparing in advance.
- Kanata's Pastry something or whatever Contest coming up.
- Inviting the Hasunosora Girls' High School Idol Club to join the School Idol Festival, as well as Rina meeting her cousin and possibly training with her.
- Everyone training for the Main Stage event.
- That includes...me. The issue of me myself having to train to become a school idol in order for me to take on Katsuo Togo on the Main Stage. Which is practically a career suicide mission on my part.
- Then there's the upcoming farewell party at Uranohoshi, where they will be saying goodbye to the school before it gets shut down.
- Finally... The goodbyes of our own. It's no secret that Kanata, Emma, Karin, and Mia are all going to graduate, ending their tenure at Nijigasaki High School.
Plus on top of that, now we have the matter of Setsuna retiring from being a school idol too...
We're losing five members.
Well... Six if you really think about it. Because what chance in hell do I have of beating Katsuo Togo?
Even if the girls pull off the win, or if Liella! also lose, it won't really matter in terms of my position.
Because I'm already destined to be cut down and banished from the industry at the School Idol Festival.
Meaning...
I won't be able to celebrate their win with them, or attend any school idol live shows in the future.
So, in the time I have left, I want to make as many moves as possible while I'm still in charge of the Club.
Emergency meeting included in those moves.
A/N: Wattpad's 20 image limit per chapter can go to Hell. It is my biggest limitation.