ੈ✩‧₊˚
𝔼𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖 𝕃𝕖𝕚𝕝𝕒 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕣
ੈ✩‧₊˚
As consciousness slowly seeped back into my awareness, I felt a sense of disorientation wash over me. My eyelids fluttered open, the harsh glare of fluorescent lights causing me to squint against the brightness. Blinking several times to clear the fog from my mind, I struggled to make sense of my surroundings.
Where was I? Why did everything feel so... sterile?
As my vision adjusted to the harsh lighting, the sight of unfamiliar medical equipment and sterile white walls greeted me. Panic surged through me as fragmented memories flooded back – the sound of gunfire, the sensation of falling, the searing pain that had consumed me.
Then there was nothing. Pure darkness.
But now I didn't feel any sort of pain, was I in a hospital? This room feels like a hospital one. I took in a deep breath before I became aware of my surroundings, frowning and gazing down at the feel of something pressing against my wrist.
He's here.
He was sleeping with his fingers pinned on my wrist. He slept checking my pulse.
I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment to gather what happened. I don't know if we're in a hospital or back at the base or where exactly, but I knew it was safe wherever we are. If my family was there then I know they got us out.
I opened my eyes and tried to move my hand out of his grip, feeling him tense before taking a sharp breath, slowly looking up while blinking until his brown eyes fell on mine, rubbing his hand over them once before they widened as he whispered, "Emmaline."
"Hey," my voice was hoarse, barely audible as I reached out to touch his face, feeling the smoothness of his skin beneath my fingertips, "Ivan, hi."
His expression faltered, confusion clouding his features. I could see the pang of unease shot through him and quickly corrected myself, a small smile tugging at my lips, "I'm kidding. It's Atlas, right?"
A faint smile ghosted across his lips, but the tension in his posture remained, "it was funnier the first time," he replied dryly.
A giggle slipped out of me until I watched his expression soften, "hi, Kai," I finally managed, my thumb tracing a gentle path over his cheek.
"Hey, sunshine," he murmured, gently enveloping my hand with his own, pressing a tender kiss to my palm before placing it back against his cheek, "I missed you, habibti."
My gaze swept across the room, taking in the sterile surroundings and the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, before returning to Kai's comforting presence.
"What happened?" I inquired, my voice tinged with concern as I met his eyes.
"Nothing," he reassured me with a soft smile, his warm gaze unwavering, "you're okay."
I gingerly propped myself up with my elbow, feeling his steadying hands support me against the headboard.
"I was shot," I admitted, swallowing the lump in my throat, "and you— are you okay? Is your arm—"
"I'm fine," he interrupted gently, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear and letting his fingers trail down my face to my neck, his touch grounding and soothing, "as long as you're okay then I'm fine."
I leaned into his touch, feeling the weight of his unspoken worry pressing against my chest. He must have been terrified, just as I had been when he was in a coma. It must have been so hard for him. I don't even know how long I was out for.
"I'm sorry," I let out, my voice barely above a whisper.
"You're forgiven this time," he replied softly, his smile mirroring mine. Then, he leaned closer, resting his forehead against mine, his breath mingling with mine as he spoke, "If you do one thing."
My heart skipped a beat, "what?"
"Stay with me," he implored, his touch gentle against my face, his brown eyes locking onto mine, "I don't want you to leave again. I can't..." he paused, his grip tightening slightly, his emotions laid bare, "I can't do this again, Emmaline. I'm a total wreck without you."
I closed my eyes briefly, relishing in the sensation of his fingertips against my skin. His presence was like an anchor in the storm, grounding me in the midst of my swirling thoughts and fears. I missed him. He was asking me not to leave when I was the one going crazy without him. I was so lost then, it felt so dark, so unsafe without him. Now it was like he pulled me out of this cold storming water where I was drowning, allowing me to breathe again.
But beneath the surface, there lingered a flicker of guilt. Guilt for the pain and worry I had caused him, for the fear that had gripped his heart when he thought he might lose me. Yet, mingled with the guilt was an overwhelming sense of relief. Relief that I was here, alive and breathing, held in his arms once more.
"Leave again?" I tilted my head a little, watching his mouth open then close, making me lower my eyebrows, "Kai, what happened?"
"Nothing—"
"Kai," I cut him off in a stern voice, grabbing his hand to lower it from my face but still in my hold, "what happened?"
I saw him sigh after a moment, looking down, "when you... when you got shot, it was... it was bad."
"How bad?" My heart raced, I heard the beeping sound of the monitor jump, matching my heartbeats.
"You, uh," he shifted in his seat, his expression shifting to uneasiness, "you died for a few minutes."
The world seemed to come crashing down around me as his words hung heavy in the air. I died. The thought sent a chill coursing through my veins, my mind struggling to comprehend the enormity of what he was saying.
"I died?" I repeated, the words feeling foreign on my tongue.
Kai nodded, his grip on my hand tightening slightly, "but I— we managed to bring you back," he continued, his voice thick with emotion.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as the weight of his words washed over me. I had died. The thought was terrifying.
"We?" I blinked up at him, watching him give me a soft smile before leaning in, his arm going around me until his hand reached were a bottom is hanging next to me and pressed it, not a few seconds later James was strolling in.
"What happened? Is she okay—" James paused, his movements halting when his gaze fell on us, on me before his posture relaxed, "Emma."
"Hey," I smiled at him as he walked up to the bed, "did I scare you?"
"Oh, no, not at all," he waved a hand, "just getting kidnapped, shot, almost dying, bloody clothes, no biggie."
A chuckle escaped my lips, and I was about to open my mouth to reply when a familiar voice interrupted, seeing Mum's frame rush through the door, "James, what happened? Is Emma—"
Mum's eyes widened in disbelief before she rushed over to the bed, her hands trembling as she reached out to cup my face. "Oh, Emma," she whispered, tears glistening in her eyes, "thank God you're alright."
I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her, feeling a rush of warmth wash over me at her touch. I didn't have enough time with her before I git shot, I didn't get the chance to actually take a moment to breathe in her precious. I wanted to have all the time in the world now.
"I'm okay, Mum," I reassured her, reaching up to squeeze her hand, "it's okay."
She let out a choked sob, pulling me into a tight embrace. I buried my face in her shoulder, feeling the weight of everything that had happened wash away in her arms. She was here, she was safe, I was safe. It felt like everything is going back to normal now.
As Mum held me close, I felt a presence at the door. Glancing up, I saw Dad standing there. His expression was unreadable, a mixture of relief and worry etched on his face. He stepped into the room, his gaze never leaving mine as he approached the bed. His footsteps were hesitant, as if he was afraid to come any closer, afraid that I'd go to sleep again if he moved.
"Hey, Dad," I said, watching him kneel next to the bed so his face was eye level with mine, letting out a shaky long breath.
"Leila," he whispered, the same way he said it earlier when he found me, when I buried myself into his chest. Only this time it was with more desperation, like he was clinging into me. He watched me die.
For a moment, I couldn't move, couldn't speak. The sight of him standing there, his eyes filled with concern, sent a wave of anguish crashing over me. I caused them all so much distress. So much pain. From the very beginning. I insisted on going to Amelia. I am the one who got stabbed with them on the other line of the phone. I died.
"No," Dad shook his head, his hand covering mine above Mum's own, holding them both between his hands but with his sharp green eyes pinned on mine, "don't do this."
"Do what?"
"Feel this way," he nodded towards me, "you're a part of me, Leila," he swallowed, his eyes softening, "that part dies, I go with it, you understand? Nothing you can or cannot do will ever change that."
I blinked and a tear slipped out, rolling down my face with another following, my eyes burning, but I didn't nothing to stop them. I didn't want to let go of him to wipe the tears that indicates what he can already sense. There was no point in hiding from him.
"What?" Kai's taken aback tone snapped me out of my haze, sniffing and looking over him eyeing Dad with a disturbed look before his gaze met mine, the same expression on his face, whispering as if Dad isn't right in his earshot, "Emmaline, your dad has human feelings."
"Yeah," I let out flatly with a single nod, "I'm aware."
"Woah," he whipped his head back to Dad, "I thought this was a myth."
"I literally talk about how loving this man is all the time in front of you," Mum frowned down at Kai, but he just waved a hand.
"I thought you were fantasizing or just trying to convince yourself that he's a good husband."
"He is a good husband—"
"Damn," Kai leaned back on his chair, looking at nothing in particular, "I need a moment to think about those past five minutes."
I rolled my eyes just when Dad muttered, "idiot."
"Sleeping Beauty!" Kenji's voice beamed from where the door is, snapping my head up to him strolling my way with a smile, "good morning!"
"Hi," I let out a laugh when he pushed James aside, causing him to frown and smack his arm, but he didn't care, walking up to me.
"Excuse me, make way, please," he squeezed himself between Mum and Dad, pushing them away from each other before giving Dad a look when he wouldn't let go of my hand, "bro, come on. Let me say hi."
"Do I have to let her go in order for you to move your mouth and talk?" Dad simply blinked at him, his expression back to blank.
"You know what," Kenji rounded the bed, holding up his palm until I gave him a high five, not letting go as he kneeled down to a similar position like Dad, "hey, little J."
"Hi," I grinned at him, seeing him match my smile, "I didn't get the chance to say this since I was busy, you know, dying—"
"Hey—" Kai, Mum, and Dad objected at the same time, but I cut them off.
"But you were very cool out there."
"See?" He squeezed my hand in excitement, "I told you I was the one saving all their asses all the time—"
"That's not true—"
"Dude, who was the one that sat there watching you yap and panic about J breaking your little fragile heart, huh? Who—"
"My heart is not fragile—"
"And who was the one who took it upon himself to go out of his way to a whole other continent to save your wife, also known as my best friend, by the way, and the woman who we now follow blindly because she's the government?"
"You were the one who insisted on coming with me," Dad fired back, the irritation showing in his expression, "you weren't even invited."
"That's not the point—"
"That is exactly the point," I looked from left to write, watching their comebacks fly between them. This was getting out of hand already, I had to do something.
"Ugh," I let out tiredly as I closed my eyes, throwing my head back against the pillow, pretending I'm faint, squeezing both their hands like I'm in pain.
"Emma—" Kenji started alsong with Mum at the same time.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Dad broke out just when Kai stood up from his seat and shifted closer to me.
"Emmaline? Are you okay—"
I huffed out a laugh, opening my eyes to all of them towering over me, making me let out a giggle at all of them worried about me for a mere groan, "oh my god, this is so much fun."
"Emmaline, seriously, what is this behavior?" Kai frowned, sitting back on his chair with a shake of his head in disappointment, "have you been spending a lot of time with my dad?"
"I'm been spending a lot of time with you," I shot back.
"You should spend a lot of time with me though," Kenji suggested before speaking in a low tone as if nobody would hear him, "don't tell Kai that but you're more fun than this grumpy thing over here."
"I'm literally right here—"
"Shut up, nobody is talking to you," Kenji interrupted him before looking at me again, "what do you say? Deal?"
"Deal—"
"No deal," Dad cut me off with a shake of his head, "you're stealing my daughter from me."
"Just like she's your daughter, she's my best friend," Kenji said.
"She's not your best friend, she's my best friend," Kai scowled at him.
"No, you got promoted to boyfriend. This spot is now free," Kenji smiled with a tilt of his head, making Kai frown more.
"No the hell it's not—"
"Are there no women left on earth for you to befriend? Does it have to be my family? Go have your sleepovers with your wife," Dad squeezed my hand more, like I could be stolen or something.
"My wife is mad at me," Kenji's face dropped, crossing his arms with my hand still in his hold, pulling my arm more with the gesture, "said she was never leave Kai unsupervised again."
"He wasn't unsupervised, he was with you," Mum said.
"She said those two were the same thing."
"Well, I still don't care. She's neither your best friend nor your idiotic son's. She can be my friend."
"Damn, I have so many friends," I murmured to myself, the phrase going unheard before I looked over at James, "James, do you wanna be my friend too?"
"I thought I already was. I know all your secrets Emma."
"Right. Okay, yeah, you're locked in."
"He's locked in? Girl—" Kai sat up straight, "I dedicated my whole life to being your friend, what are you on about—"
"Enough!" My head snapped towards the door at her voice interrupting Kai, my heart skipping a beat when her figure walked into the door, "I could hear you from across the hallway, you're giving the poor girl a whiplash."
"Naz?" I let out with my jaw slightly dropped until she smiled at me. I let out a chuckle, my smile matching hers and pulled my hands out of Kenji's and Dad's grip, pulling the wires connecting the monitor off of my skin.
"Emma—"
I didn't give James a chance to lecture me on how I shouldn't move suddenly, throwing the blanket off of me and rushing into her embrace, wrapping my arms around her waist until she returned my hug, "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, habibti," she replied in a soft , reassuring tone, the familiar scent of her perfume and the warmth of her embrace enveloped me until she pulled back slightly to look at me, "how are you feeling? Does anything still hurt? Are these idiots giving you a hard time?"
"No, just fighting for my friendship," I flipped my hair when I got out of her hold, "nothing I haven't seen before."
"There shouldn't be fighting, it should be obvious," Kai started again until we both looked at him, "and by the way, she misses your food, Mum. Not you—"
"Hey!" I snapped at him, but he just raised an eyebrow before shrugging, crossing his arms.
"She can do whatever she wants," Naz brushed her fingers through my hair from the back of my head, "nobody was talking to you."
"Are we back to being like this already?" Kai frowned, "we were fine yesterday."
"That's because since my wife is bringing another human to this earth, you're now backup, buddy," Kenji mocked Kai, rounding the bed until he patted his shoulder, "your days are numbered in this household."
"No, they're not," Naz scolded, "watch what you're saying."
I looked back at Naz mouthing towards Kai don't worry, you're my favorite Kishimoto and scoffed, looking away from both of them to clear my mind when one word Kai said stuck, making me lower my eyebrow and look his way, "wait, did you say yesterday?"
I watched him blink and look away from Naz, his mouth opening before closing until he cleared his throat, "yeah, you've been sleeping for a day, but James and the girls said it's alright, you just needed to rest."
"It's still morning today though," Mum smiled, "so you didn't even complete a full day sleeping."
I nodded my head slowly before huffing out a breath and looking at James, "can I go to my room? Do you still need to do any checkups?"
"I just need to make sure everything is normal," he stepped towards me, "then you can do whatever you want."
"Okay, good," I nodded again, "cause I'm in desperate need of a shower. How dare you let me sleep like this?"
"You didn't really give us much of a choice, Ems," James's mouth formed into a thin line, "but I promise it'll be quick, come on."
≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫
After James ran some checkups, a few were awake and spent a great few minutes to talk and make sure I'm alright, Jett and Zade were still asleep though, and I haven't seen Atlas so he must have been too, so I only saw Silas for now, who greeted me by reassuring I was still drop dead gorgeous, literally, even on my death bed. It may have earned him a glare or two from Kai, but I left the two to head to my room for a bath because I could feel my head heavy again and really needed to calm myself down in a quiet place.
So instead of just standing underneath the shower, I ran myself a bath in the bathroom, lowering myself into the warm water and letting out a breath that's been stuck in my lungs for a while. But with it, I think I ended the ignorance I kept to what happened since I woke up, letting each breath I inhale next get heavier.
The fact that getting kidnapped was not what scared me anymore says a lot. I accepted that we got kidnapped the moment I let myself sleep the night in that place. The rest though, I couldn't get myself to accept the rest.
Destroying a building full of innocents.
Getting stabbed.
Watching Kai get hurt.
Almost dying.
Killing someone.
Getting shot.
And then... actually dying.
I died.
I died and I shouldn't have been brought back because Kai told me they couldn't find Davis or the guy who kept Kai and I apart to begin with. There was nobody there to heal me. So my soul being brought back to me after lifting was not supposed to happen. But it did. And know I have to live with everything that happened.
I still felt horrible for this. That man let me watch it on the news. They were talking about me and how dangerous I was. How dangerous people will view anyone who has powers was right now. Because of me.
The worst part is that they weren't completely wrong, and it's not even these men's fault. It was a public opinion. It wasn't a lie or someone they could brainwash into their heads, it was reality. And I did it. I killed innocent people and there were what I think were 5 days worth of time for people to let what happened sink in. To feel afraid. To want the academies to close up. To have a reason to not trust us.
But then when my mind jumped to the other thought, to me killing someone. On purpose. I felt such a difference type of fear. When I thought about the building, I felt this crushing guilt that's suffocating me, felt like no matter how long I apologized it would never be enough. But when I thought about when I pulled the trigger, there wasn't an ounce of guilt within me. Just pure horror.
Because Kai was there.
He saw me. He saw how I purposely killed this guy, how I pulled the trigger three times in a row. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had crossed a line that I could never come back from. No matter how much I tried to justify my actions, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was necessary, I couldn't escape my fear.
I had taken a life.
And Kai had seen it.
I tried to take in a long breath, but it felt like I was drowning even when my head was above the water's surface, my hands gripping both sides of the bathtub. The reason I'm scared is that he could have been thrown off. He could view me as a totally different person, as someone he doesn't know.
I was scared because I couldn't bring myself to feel bad about what I did. I didn't care. I wanted to do it to everyone. I wanted to kill everyone in that place, everyone who was against us to begin with.
And I wanted to still be innocent in his eyes.
I felt the salty tears on my lips, realizing how my eyes were burning not just from the steam of water I'm bathing in, but from how much I've been silently crying. This genuinely felt more terrifying than being held hostage, this felt more petrifying than having a gun pointed at my head.
Is it more terrifying than dying though?
The question wrapped in my voice echoed through my mind, making me close my eyes to think. I don't know. When I was dying, I remember begging Kai with my thoughts not to let me die. I didn't want to die, I was scared. I was horrified I'd leave. I think I got my answer though. Dying was pretty scary, there is nothing that can scare me more than not being able to breathe again.
And Kai feeling repulsed by me was equal to me dying.
I felt the same emotions when I thought of both situations. The same amount of terror. The same ache in my heart. The same urge to never let this happen again. I rested my head back against the cool porcelain of the bathtub, sinking deeper until the warm water enveloped my shoulders. My long hair flowing around me, creating a delicate veil on the water's surface as I cubbed water into the palms of my hands, washing my face, hoping it would wash away my tears, blend them with it so I wouldn't know which is which.
But it did nothing, because tears streamed down more, my shoulders shaking at my silent sobs from what I tried so hard not to think about. My powers. No, not mine, hers.
Emmaline.
Emmaline.
Emmaline W̶a̶r̶n̶e̶r̶ Sommers.
I'm not her. I know I'm not her. I don't even know her. I don't... I don't think she even had time to know herself. It broke my heart a little, knowing what she's been through. But that's in the past. Is should stay in the past. I don't think I've thought about her in a really long while, knowing I'm like her was going to be torture. Her powers... they're so powerful. So strong. Way stronger than me. Terrifying.
I couldn't even think straight right now, I couldn't— I couldn't breathe. Suffocating. I suddenly couldn't see anything, felt my ears ringing, my lungs tightening. I can't breathe. It felt like dying again. I was dying again.
You killed innocent people.
You killed someone in front of him.
Emmaline.
You died.
Emmaline Sommers.
Emmaline!
"Emmaline!" I felt someone's gripping my arms, their hold strong enough to pull me up, oxygen flowing into my chest with the sharp gasp I inhaled, blinking rapidly as I reached with my shaky fingers to wrap my hands around their forearm— his forearm.
"Kai," I breathed out, feeling my chest move up and down faster as I looked down, snapping to reality when my eyes landed on where I was, still in a bathtub with water filling the whole thing. Oh. I think I let myself sink underneath the water, that's why my air got cut off.
"What happened?" His voice was still alarmed, his eyes roaming all over me, "I kept knocking and calling your name but you wouldn't answer, so I got worried and when I got in, you— I thought— are you okay?"
"I..." I trailed off, the words feeling heavy on my tongue. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I looked around the bathroom, seeking solace in the tiled walls, letting go of him to brush my hair out of my face, "nothing, um, I think I just got carried away, I just wanted to clear my head."
His hand found its place on the crown of my head, fingers gently weaving through my hair, offering a silent comfort. I hugged my knees closer to my chest, the water lapping gently around me, "you got a lot on your mind?"
I met his gaze, finding his brown eyes soft, focused on me unlike the worried look on them a moment ago. It was tempting to spill out everything, to unburden myself of the weight that drowned me. But the words remained lodged in my throat when I opened my mouth, tangled up, confusing, so I just nodded.
"Want to tell me about it?" He let out in a whisper, his touch calming the storms I built up in my mind, bringing me down to earth from the thoughts that carried me away.
I hesitated, feeling the weight of his patience and care. His willingness to listen was both a lifeline and a trap. A trap that if I walked into, I might regret. I might scare him with how my mind works right now. But I really needed him right now. I leaned back, my voice barely above a whisper as I admitted, "I... I don't know where to begin."
His sigh, soft yet filled with understanding, washed over me like a gentle wave, asking gently, "do you want me to help you?"
"Yes," I found myself saying without meaning to, his tone offering me a sense of safety, comfort I haven't felt for these past days, like I wouldn't be stepping out of my comfort zone if I told him, instead it felt like I would be stepping right into the center, never leaving, "please."
He offered me a smile before his hand left my hair, standing up rom his crouched position beside the bathtub. With purposeful strides, he made his way to the bathroom cabinet, where an array of hair products were. I watched him, a curious furrow forming between my brows as he chose a bottle of shampoo and conditioner.
As he turned back towards me, his gaze met mine with a reassuring smile until I asked, my voice lazed with a hint of confusion, "what are you doing?"
"Multitasking," he simply replied, rounding the bathtub and knelt beside me once more. his fingers deftly opening the bottles of shampoo and conditioner.
Before I could protest or question further, he dipped his hand into the water, wetting my hair with gentle strokes. His touch sent a shiver down my spine, his calm low voice next to my ear making me hold my breath, "how many things are you thinking about?"
He untangled strays of my hairs, each brush of his fingers untying a knot in my heart the same way with my hair. I hummed underneath my breath, thinking of what was happening before he walked in. The things that really mattered, the things that pulled me down came floating to the top of my head, "four."
I destroyed a building.
I killed someone in Kai's presence.
I died.
My powers.
Each one had its own emotions that it brings out, all mixed up together was about to make my head explode. As he worked the shampoo into a lather, his movements were gentle, soft, his fingers massaging my scalp with a practiced ease. I felt the tension that had settled there began to dissipate, allowing me to relax a little bit, closing my eyes.
"What is the first thing that comes to your mind?" he asked softly, his voice a soothing presence in the quiet of the bathroom, "the lightest thought of them?"
I took a deep breath, letting the warm water envelop me as I gathered my thoughts. All of then were horrible, I wanted all of them erased from my memory, but some were a heavier weight on my shoulder than one another, "destroying the building,"
"It wasn't your fault," he said without missing a beat, his fingers not even pausing to comprehend what I said. As if he was sure with no doubt about what he was saying.
"I know," I swallowed, "it was just... chaotic. There was so much happening all at once. People screaming, sirens... And I was in the middle of it all, it was completely out of control."
"It's okay," he dipped his hands in the water again, rinsing the shampoo through my hair, "people make mistakes. You can't always have everything in place."
"I messed up really bad."
"That's okay," he brushed some hair out of my face before opening another bottle, probably the conditioner, applying it to my hair, his touch gentle and soothing as he worked it through the strands, "I know you feel responsible for the aftermath of what happened, and some might blame you," I felt a knot tighten in my chest as he spoke, the weight of my actions pressing down on me like a physical burden, "but like you've always said, let whoever wants to think something think it. We don't care about anyone, okay?"
"What if I feel what they feel about myself?" I asked as his fingers continued to massage my head, spreading the conditioner through my hair.
"Then I'll be here to remind you that you're not defined by your mistakes, Emmaline," he replied firmly, his voice unwavering, "everything will be okay. I'll convince you."
I let myself give him a smile before closed my eyes, letting his words sink in as the warmth of the water and his touch enveloped me. I was so tired of beating myself up with this, I couldn't handle this alone. This was the only one of the four thoughts that didn't terrify me, just weighted me down while all the other three ripped my heart apart, I had to let it go. So I nodded, accepting his offer to help me.
"Tell me about the next thing," he suggested softly, his voice a steady anchor in the swirling chaos of my thoughts.
The next thing. The one that was somehow calmer than the rest, easier to think about. It wasn't easy, it wasn't calm or light, it was everything opposed to this. Darkness, chaos, fear, "I... died."
His hand movements halted, making my heart skip a beat. He could be confused, how me literally dying was not on the top of that list, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him about how scared I was of how he views me now. I don't know why I told him the correct number to begin with. And having her powers was something I almost drowned thinking about. Literally.
"That must have been terrifying," he murmured, his voice filled with empathy.
"It was," I whispered, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I remember... everything going dark, feeling like I was being pulled under..." I paused, blinking a few times before tilting my head back to look at him, "did that scare you? Did I scare you?"
"You didn't scare me," he sighed, brushing his fingers along my cheek, tucking a strand of my wet hair behind my ear, "you dying did. I watched you slip away in my arms, It it my soul out of my body, sunshine."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry for anything," his other hand cubbed the other side of my face, holding my face in his hands, isolating me from the world, from the chaos of my thoughts, making me only focus on him, "I told you before. Enti hayati," he leaned in a fraction, "roohi," I held my breath when his lips brushed against my forehead, kissing it softly before resting his forehead mine, "euyuni, of course I was scared you would take them and leave. I would cease to exist."
Take them and leave. Take his life. His soul.
"I don't want to die again," I whispered. Euyuni. He just said I'm as important to him as his eyes are. I didn't want to take that from him, and I really, really didn't feel like dying again.
"Don't worry," he murmured, his breath warm against my skin. "You won't. I won't let you."
His words were a vow, a promise to shield me from harm, to stand between me and the darkness that threatened to bury me. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch, allowing myself a peace of mind for now until his thumbs brushed against my skin before moving his hands down my arm until they were underneath the water again, washing my hair from the conditioner.
"Tell me about the other things that's bothering you," he asked.
I hesitated, unsure of where to begin. Each worry, each fear, felt like a heavy burden pressing down on me, threatening to drown me in their depths. But I knew I couldn't keep them bottled up inside any longer, "don't tell anyone about my... powers."
"Why?"
"I... I need you to promise me," I began, my heart pounding in my chest. "I need you to promise that you won't tell anyone about my powers."
His brows furrowed in confusion, and I could see the questions forming in his mind. But he nodded, his gaze unwavering.
"I won't tell anyone," he promised, his voice steady. "But why?"
"Because I don't know how they would take it," I sighed, looking back in front of me, "it's... too much."
"I'm sure they're always going to be there for you—"
"Kai," I cut him off, gritting my teeth, "it's not just another power. It doesn't belong to me."
"Of course it does—"
"It's hers," I gritted out, "it's her powers given to me, and," I let out a shaky breath, "I have no idea how to deal with this."
"You'll learn," he let go of my hair after it was finally washed, resting his elbows on the edge of the bathtub, "you'll—"
"That's not what I'm talking about," I looked at him, feeling water well up in my eyes, "Kai... Mum had to kill her sister in order to save her from misery, to save the world. And I know I'm not her. I know Mum gave me her name to honor her somehow, but now? Now it would feel like... like I'm hunting her."
My voice cracked as tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. Kai's expression softened, his eyes reflecting the pain and confusion swirling within me, "she'd never feel this way towards you, Emmaline."
"You don't know that," I slightly shook my head, tears rolling down my cheeks, "maybe she won't want to feel it, but it's not by her control. And that's even worse. She'll beat herself up for feeling this way while my heart aches with guilt every time I look at her."
Kai's hand reached out, his fingers gentle as they brushed away my tears, "Emmaline, your mum loves you more than anything in this world. She knows the sacrifices she made, and she wouldn't want you to carry the weight of her decisions on your shoulders."
"Just promise you won't tell her," I sniffed, "until I'm ready at least."
"I promise," he smiled, "I'm an excellent secret keeper. Remember how we share all our secrets with each other since we were kids. Not once did we snitch on each other, right?"
"You did," I frowned at him, "you would run to tell my dad whenever I hang out or talk to a boy at school."
"That wasn't because I'm a snitch, that was because I was jealous," he admitted, softly fist bumping my shoulder, but I pried his hand off with a shake of my head.
"You didn't even like me," I narrowed my eyes at him.
"False," he said with a single shake of his head, "I didn't know that I liked you."
"Sure," I leaned to rest my back against the bathtub, crossing my arms over my chest underneath the water, "I still don't forgive you."
"Whatever— wait," he frowned, "why the hell are you upset? Did you want to be with other boys?"
"Some of them were nice," I shrugged.
"Oh, get out," he huffed in disbelief, "you were obsessed with me."
"You were obsessed with me."
"I don't see how this cancels out my phrase," he shot back, and I raised my eyebrow at him until I let out a chuckle that turned into a full laugh, looking away then back at him when it sobered, watching him already grinning at me, "how are you feeling?"
"Good," I think I meant it this time. The weight of our conversation with him, the way he took care of me, had eased the tension in my muscles and calmed my racing thoughts. At least for now.
"Good," he echoed, his smile softening, "I'm glad to hear that."
He reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his touch gentle and comforting, "what about the last thing you mentioned? The one that's been weighing on you the most?"
I swallowed hard, feeling a knot form in my stomach, "I... I don't want to talk about it right now," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.
Kai's expression softened further, understanding flickering in his eyes, "that's okay," he said softly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze, "whenever you're ready, I'll be here to listen."
"I know. Thanks," I said, "hey, I'll, uh, I'll finish up and head out, can you wait for me outside?"
"Damn," he tilted his head with a disturbed expression, "this is how you repay me? By kicking me out?"
"Sorry," I gave him an apologetic look when my tone indicated nothing close to an apology.
"Never thought you were the type to take advantage of people," he shook his head but stood up anyway, "I'm going to leave you here to think about what you did."
"Okay," I smiled as he turned to go, "I love you!"
"Sure, yeah," he turned the doorknob, "I love you too, whatever."
My eyes turned into slits at his reply until he closed the door not a second later for it to be opened again, his head popping in, "okay who am I kidding, I'm actually in love with you, sorry."
"You're forgiven."
He grinned at me before shutting the door again. I breathed out a long exhale, running my hands through my wet hair and closing my eyes. This was temporary. I know it was. I'm going to suffer to be able to sleep tonight, but I'm going to benefit from the peace of mind Kai gave me till now, until it's drained out of me. So I grabbed one of the soaps, hoping the familiar routine of washing away the day's grime would provide some solace. The scent of the soap filled the air, calming my racing thoughts as I lathered it between my palms.
With deliberate movements, I began to wash away the tension that clung to my skin, the rhythmic motion of my hands serving as a distraction from the turmoil within. Each stroke was a small act of self-care, a reminder that amidst the chaos, I still had control over my own body.
As the suds cascaded down my skin, I felt a sense of clarity wash over me. For a brief moment, the weight of my worries lifted, replaced by a fleeting sense of peace. It was a fragile respite, but in that moment, it was enough.
With a sigh, I rinsed away the soap, feeling the water wash over me like a cleansing tide. As I opened my eyes, I knew that the tranquility wouldn't last forever, but for now, I would savor the calm before the storm.
≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫
"Atlas," I smiled when I saw him sitting on the window seat, I think this is hiding spot or something, he's always here. His head snapped up to me as I walked over to him, his eyes widening a little, making me smile more, "hi."
"Emma," he shot up from his place, "you're awake."
"Yup," I nodded, tilting my head when I was right in front of him. After I got out of the bathroom and changed into a comfortable sweatshirt and some pants, I told Kai that I wanted to do Jett's party today, I wanted to keep myself busy, and I wanted her to feel like I didn't forget her at the same time. So he went to tell everyone who's awake about what exactly I want to do, "what were you doing?"
"I was just... uh..." he stammered, looking behind him before looking back at me.
"In your hiding spot?" I suggested with a playful grin, gesturing to the window seat.
"I'm not hiding," he stressed.
"Sure," I nodded before my smiled sobered, "how are you?"
"As good as someone who has been kidnapped can be," he made a face but quickly shook his head, "I mean— are you okay? Why are you asking me? You're the one who, you know..."
"Died?" I raised an eyebrow when he struggled to form a proper sentence.
"Yeah— well, you shouldn't say it like that," he pointed at me, "you were just having your beauty sleep."
I chuckled and looked down before nodding to myself and tilting my head back up, "I'm fine. Everything is over now, or for now, whatever you want to call it. But, seriously, what about you? Did you call your parents?"
He opened his mouth, his chest expanding by the deep breath he took before clearing his throat, "uh, yeah. They called me actually, but, um, said I should not leave. It's dangerous."
"And the borders are still closed."
"And the borders are still closed," he repeated with a nod of his head, but something felt off, like he was holding back something, keeping it to himself.
"What about Nia? You said you were close," I tried to change the subject, and I think it worked because he smiled to himself at her name.
"Oh, yeah, she had me wishing I was deaf," he said, "she yaps a lot,"
"Hey," I snapped, giving him a scolding look, "that's not nice, she must have missed you."
"How can someone have this much gossip in only four days?" His eyes widened in disbelief as he leaned in, "I mean, sure, she cried which still indicates that I'm more of an actual friend than a therapist but—"
"No buts, don't be ungrateful," he smiled more until my expression matched his.
"Yeah, you're right," he conceded, his smile fading slightly as he glanced down at his hands. I lowered my eyebrows at his posture, my heart squeezing a little. I don't know when or how it happened, but I started caring about not upsetting Atlas as if he was one of my friends... I think he was one of my friends.
It was weird. Caring about a boy other than Kai as a friend, a real one. I know he'd never be what Kai is to me as a best friend before a boyfriend, but I don't think I hate this level of friendship. I think it was okay to love a friend more than the other and still care deeply about both, so without thinking, I reached out and pulled him in a tight hug, feeling the tension in his muscles slowly melt away as he relaxed, his arms sliding around my back as mine tightened around his neck.
"I hope this doesn't feel weird to you," I whispered, "you just looked like you could use one of those."
He let out a soft laugh, resting his chin on my shoulder, "it doesn't feel weird at all."
"Thank God," I smiled to myself, "because then it would be so awkward and—"
I cut myself off when he tightened his hold around me, sighing against my back, making me stop breathing for a moment. I could feel the tension draining from his body with every breath he took. I put myself in his place, being away from my family, not knowing when I'll be back, having a car accident, getting kidnapped, witnessing someone dying, and then after everything is over, the only comfort he found was by hugging someone he barely knew.
I had a lot who cared about me, he had nobody hear except for Aurora, who was only the sister of his friend. I closed my eyes and felt a single tear slip out of my eye, not realizing my eyes have welled up to start with until I heard something from the doorway, me and Atlas pulling apart to find Kai leaning against the doorframe, looking at us with no expression until his gaze met mine, giving me a soft smile.
"Um, okay, this is going to be awkward, so I'm just gonna go," Atlas cleared his throat before pointing at me, "thanks, by the way."
"Mhm."
"Glad you're okay," Atlas shot at Kai, "for the most part. I'll be locking my door by the way, so don't try anything funny."
"I didn't even say anything," Kai replied flatly.
"Yeah, that's kind of worse than you vocalizing your threats, at least then I know what I'm up against so..." he trailed off, patting my shoulder before walking towards the door, eyeing Kai in alarm until he was out of sight.
"He talks a lot," Kai said, and I scoffed, wiping away the tears from my face, "damn, girl, his hug is that miserable?"
I let out a chuckle, looking up to see him leaning off of the wall, walking up to me, "I knew he wasn't completely perfect," he smiled when he was right in front of me, extending his arms for a hug, "come here, let me fix it."
I walked into his arms, wrapping mine around his back as he rubbed his hands up and down my upper back, "did you like his hug?"
"I like your hug," I murmured against his shirt, inhaling the comforting scent of petrichor and rosemary that clung to him like a soothing embrace after rain.
"Yeah, but what about his hug? Was it good?"
"Your hug is good," I tightened my hold on him.
"You know, you can tell me if you liked his hug, it's okay."
"I don't believe you."
"You—"
"Hey, sorry," Atlas's voice snapped our heads up, leaning back with my Kai's hands going to my waist, mine still clutching onto his shirt as Atlas narrowed his eyes at me, "you liked my hug better than whoever Mr. Bunix is, right?"
"Mr. Bunix?" I frowned.
"Yeah," he nodded, "I'm guessing you know what the hell that is, right?"
"...Jett's stuffed bunny?" I raised an eyebrow, watching his own shoot up, his head jerk back as if offending.
"Mr. Bunix is a stuffed animal?" He snapped, giving me a flabbergasted look as i formed my lips into a thin line, "but my hug is better, right?"
"I can't really answer that," I blinked, motioning to Kai with my eyes until Atlas's gaze went to him, pausing.
"Don't look at me, I never hugged you or Mr. Bunix," Kai answered Atlas's unspoken question, "and I'm sure there is absolutely nothing special about both options."
"Whatever, I don't care," Atlas shrugged before disappearing again, Kai and I looking at each other for a moment, his hand tightening around my waist as if he was about to pull me in again when Atlas appeared again, "Emma, come on—"
"Can you..." Kai nodded towards the door where Atlas was, "we're trying to have a moment here. Your presence is not required."
"Oh, yeah, yeah, sure," Atlas nodded towards Kai, "that's very cute, by the way."
"Don't ever refer to me that way again."
"I was talking about Emma."
"You look good Atlas," Kai started, waiting until Atlas gave him a smile, watching it drop with Kai's next words, "I aim to change that if you're not out of my sight in two seconds."
"Your taste in men is... something, Warner," Atlas pointed out, but I just rolled my eyes until he finally left, causing me to let out a sigh, pull away from Kai.
"Did you tell them about the birthday thing?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "they think it's a good idea to just take a break from all of... this. So, they'll prepare for it."
"Okay, good—"
"Emma," Jett's voice made my heart jump, whipping my head to her at the doorway with her hair up like she always has it when she's just woken up, "you're awake."
"Jett," my legs moved on their own, quickening my pace as I rushed into her embrace, crushing her to me, feeling her throw her arms around me too, "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too," her voice, so close instead of being echoed through vents, scared we'd get caught for simply talking to each other, "how are you?"
"I'm fine," I leaned back, "how are you?"
"I'm fine," she offered me a smile, her gaze shifting to over my shoulder, pinning Kai with a look, "how could you not wake me up when she did?"
"It's okay," I answered for him, "I just came downstairs anyway. Hey, have you seen Zade?"
"Uh, no," she sighed, "he's probably in his room still. Or somewhere with... Amelia."
My lips parted at the sound of her name, shifting from one leg to the other. I haven't seen her since I woke up, I didn't even let myself think about her. I still didn't understand what exactly is the situation with her. All I know is that her birthday was the reason we got kidnapped, her father is the one who bombed the academy, the one who sent Kai to a hospital. Everything James told us Eve said made sense now which wasn't helping Amelia's case too.
"I wanted to see him," I thought out loud, but I think the universe got confused of who I wanted to see become my gaze fell on Amelia through the doorway, and a surge of anger coursed through me. She was standing there, seemingly oblivious to the chaos she had caused. My fists clenched at my sides as I felt the weight of all the unanswered questions I had, the things that happened because of her.
"Amelia," I called as my legs started moving on impulse, marching towards where she was, seeing her look up at me, her posture straightening and took a step back when I reached her, "hi, where were you going? Were you not going to check on me?"
My tone came out more aggressive than interrogating, but I found myself going on when she didn't answer, "do you have something more important to do?" I crossed my arms, taking another step towards her, watching her mirror it backwards, feeling my glare piercing through her, "like planning what you're going to do now? Or figuring out how to get out of the mess you've made?"
I could feel the intensity of my anger radiating off me in waves, but I couldn't stop myself. All the pent-up emotions, the hurt, and the betrayal boiled within me, demanding to be released. And Amelia stood there, silent, her eyes darting away from mine, unable to meet my accusing gaze.
I could feel the intensity of my anger radiating off me in waves, but I couldn't stop myself. All the pent-up emotions, the hurt, and the betrayal boiled within me, demanding to be released. And Amelia stood there, silent, her eyes darting away from mine, unable to meet my accusing gaze.
"I'm talking to you," I pushed her shoulder, causing her to stumble backwards, feeling my eyes burn, "I thought you were always so excited to talk to me, was this a lie too?"
"I didn't lie," Amelia fired back softly, her chest moving up and down faster, "I didn't lie to you about anything—"
"Liar," I interrupted, "do you understand what we've been through because of your father—"
"My father, not me," Amelia fought back, stepping towards me, her eyes turning glassy, "I didn't do anything, I'm just as shocked as all of you are. I don't know what I can do to make you believe it—"
"I died," I yelled, feeling my chest tighten, "Kai got hurt multiple times, Jett, Atlas. Do you know how scary that was? I thought— I thought we were friends."
I couldn't even listen to her right now. I couldn't just trust her blindly like that, even if I wanted to, I was scared. I did it once, and people got hurt, I got hurt. The one friend I thought I gained was now someone I can't fully trust.
"Emma," Zade's familiar voice snapped out of my thoughts, feeling his fingers wrap around my wrist, the cold material of his rings pressing against my skin, "enough."
I blinked a few times, overwhelmed by everything I was feeling right now. Hurt, anger, relief that I finally saw Zade, all at once. I closed my eyes and took a sharp breath, opening them for my eye line to fall on Jett who was suddenly next to me before something snapped in my mind.
I wasn't the only one feeling this mixture of all these emotions. She can sense our emotions too.
"Tell me if she's not lying," I asked, seeing Jett's eyes going from me to Amelia, her lips parting, "you can feel it, right? Is this is how it works?"
"I—" Jett's brows furrowed as she looked between me and Amelia, her expression panicked as we all waited for her to say something. But as seconds stretched into minutes, watching her swallow and take a step back.
"What?" I frowned watched her forehead crease in frustration, and panic flickered in her eyes. She shook her head slightly, her voice shaky as she spoke.
"I... I don't know," she breathed out.
"What do you mean you don't—"
"Emma, enough," Zade tugged on my wrist, pulling me away from Amelia's space, "come on."
"What—"
"Just come with me," he pulled on my wrist again, not giving me a chance to protest this time before he was leading me away from the confrontation. My heart pounded in my chest, my mind swirling with unanswered questions and unresolved emotions. As Zade guided me down the hallway, I couldn't shake the feeling of frustration and uncertainty that lingered within me, "calm down."
Zade let go of me once we were out of their sight, "she didn't do anything."
"If she didn't do anything, Jett would have felt it—"
"Jett doesn't know what she's doing," Zade hissed, pinning me with a look, "she's confused, she's exhausted. Her powers were disabled for days. Can you seriously trust her judgement right now? Give her a break."
"Why are you defending Amelia that hard?" I crossed my arms, scowling at him, "you don't even know her, Zade."
"Uncle Warner literally said she wasn't lying, Emma," Zade snapped, "I'm not defending, I'm just telling you to think before you act."
I opened my mouth then closed it again, running a hand through my hair as I let out a breath of frustration. Zade always saw the best in people, even when they didn't deserve it. That's just who he was—kind, compassionate, and always willing to give others the benefit of the doubt.
But in this situation, his blind trust in Amelia made me uneasy. I knew firsthand the dangers of trusting too easily, of letting your guard down around the wrong people. And seeing Zade, so pure-hearted and trusting, defending someone who could have possibly caused us so much pain filled me with a sense of dread.
"I know you like her," I gently said to calm the tension between us, seeing Zade this worked up was something so new to me, "but you should be careful. I'm not going to force you to stay away from her, but you better make sure what you are and aren't telling her."
"Fine, but just as you want me to take care with trusting people, you should take care not to accuse people with no real proof."
Despite wanting to lash out and tell him how my head is filled with so many thoughts and emotions right now with no room for anyone, I just nodded, giving him a smile, "okay. I'm sorry."
He paused for a moment before smiling, putting a hand on my shoulder, "it's alright. I'm glad you're okay, I was worried about you."
"I'm glad I finally saw you again," I pulled him into a hug, leaning back after a moment, my eyes dropping to his hand, frowning, "hey, where is that last ring you got? You haven't taken it off ever since, grew bored of it already?"
"Not exactly," he made a face, but didn't make any effort to elaborate, so I just let it go, nodding.
"Hey, I'm gonna find Mum, okay?" I lied.
"Yeah, okay. Are you sure you're fine though?"
"Mhm," I just wanted to clear my head, so I gave him another hug and turned on my heals, heading to where the elevator was, about to press the button to the floor my room was in but froze mid air, eyeing the one for the lowest floor. I don't think anyone would be there, and I wanted to be alone for a few minutes without interruptions, so I pressed it and waited until the elevator's doors opened, showing me the unfamiliar surroundings.
As I stepped out of the elevator onto the lowest floor, an eerie silence enveloped me. The corridor stretched out before me, dimly illuminated by flickering lights, my footsteps echoing hollowly as I continued walking with no destination. I just needed to make it through Jett's birthday then I can bury myself in bed and let my mind take over again, I just had to keep it locked away now.
The sound of muffled voices reached my ears, snapping me back to reality. With cautious steps, I followed the sound until I emerged into a chamber bathed in flickering light.
What I saw there froze me in place. My father stood before me, his features contorted with cruelty as he subjected an unknown figure to unspeakable torture. The scene unfolded before me in horrifying detail, sending a shiver down my spine.
"I told you that torturing me won't get you anywhere," the man groaned out from his restrained place, tied up to the wall, "I won't tell you anything."
"Oh, I'm not doing this for information, that's my wife's job," Dad replied flatly, the sound of a blade sharpening, making my breath catch when Dad's frame appeared, "this is for laying a hand on my daughter."
"I never touched your daughter."
"You didn't let me see her for days, same difference, Dad shrugged but then another figure moved next to him, causing me to still in place when I saw her flip her long hair back as she walked to stand next to Dad, taking the long blade out of his hand.
"It's rude not to want to tell us your names, you know," Naz started, "you know ours. Where are your manners?"
"You're turning into your husband, Nazeera," Dad said, "careful."
"Shut up," she warned, "anyway, what do you actually want to do with them? We've been doing this for hours."
Hours. They've been down here for hours. I was going to turn and leave at that, try to ignore what I just saw. I knew they were going to punish them somehow, I just didn't stop to think how.
"I'm going to give you two things," Dad began, turning his head to the three men, his voice lacking of any emotion once more with his back to me, but I could imagine what his face looked like, "humiliation so much worse than death you'd be wishing it," Dad tilted his head, "and then, a slow painful death where you'll experience it every. Step. Of your way to meet your creator."
My lips parted at Dad's threat, his voice still echoing in my head even when he wasn't talking anymore. I think my head was twisted, I was twisted for wanting to see his words form into actions, for wanting to see what he'd do because someone hurt me.
"Damn, that was so cool, how did you think of that," Naz cocked her head to the side.
"I think of that every time I see your husband."
"Hey, that's not—"
"And Ian."
"Valid," her tone quickly changed from warning to neutral.
"And—"
"If you say my son, I'm going to show you how cool your threat was," she strictly threatened, not giving a chance to reply before her attention wavered to one of the three men in front of them, "speaking of my son, I heard that his leg was broken at some point."
The memory of them hurting his already injured leg flashed through my mind, them hurting because of me. My chest tightened at the thought of him hurt.
"You know that saying that goes an eye for an eye, a leg for a leg," she casually said, stepping forward, the long sharp blade hanging from her hand. The man's desperate plea fell on deaf ears as Naz twirled the blade idly, the metallic clang echoing in the dimly lit room. With a swift motion, she swung the blade, and the man's agonized scream filled the space as it cut through his leg, dislocating his knee with a sickening crunch.
The sound sent shivers down my spine, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the scene unfolding before me. They deserve it. They deserve everything that can fall upon them.
Naz didn't flinch, as if she were simply carrying out a mundane task. Dad, on the other hand, watched with a stern gaze, his arms crossed over his chest, like he was watching a show play in front of his eyes. But then he looked up, like he realized something— he sensed something. I quickly backed away, hiding behind the wall before he could turn his head and see me. I wished he didn't see I was here, maybe he got confused, maybe he wouldn't feel my emotions underneath the weight of horror these guys must have felt.
I carefully backed away in order not to make a sound, making sure they don't hear my footsteps until I reached the elevator, riding it to the floor upstairs with a sigh when the doors closed.
Humiliation worse than death.
A slow painful death.
Dad's threat made its way into my head again, covering over the rest of my thoughts. I found myself disappointed. And it wasn't even in myself for not being horrified by the thought, but for wanting to see it and not being able to. I wanted to watch what he'd do to them.
≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫
"Hey there," fingers tickled the back of my neck through my hair, making me gasp and jump in place, turning my head to see Dad smiling at me, "what are you doing alone? Weren't you the one who set this party up?"
I returned his smile before looking away again, hugging my knees to my chest as I leaned back against the wall from my window seat, "yeah, but it's almost over, and I wanted to clear my mind a little to be able to function."
We finally surprised Jett by the birthday party tonight, sang happy birthday, Kai even agreed to dance with Jett. I think she's happy. I kept a smile for as long as I could, started conversations with her like nothing was out of the ordinary, tried to keep us all next to her and not distracted in other's companies except her own, but I needed a break for a few minutes.
"Liars go to fire, sweetheart," he sat across from me as I huffed out a laugh, playing with a strand of my hair when I remembered I was wearing a short sleeved dress, "what's wrong?"
Me. Someone is wrong with me.
I knew from this morning that this would happen. I tried to stay in Kai's company to forget it, but it just backfired. The more he was in my presence, in my eyesight, I remembered the last thought, the one I didn't tell him. I remembered his face looking down at the man I killed, and my heart would hammer against my chest whenever I looked at him the entire time during the party. I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle this level of fear that my mind would scare him away.
"Leila," my heart skipped a beat at the name, blinking to look at Dad who rested his hand on my knee, "you're safe now. I won't let anything ever happen to you again."
"That's not why I'm scared," I admitted, not bothering to hide from him anymore with no point, "I just... did you ever had a moment where you feared how Mum viewed you? If she could be... thrown off by how you think?"
He paused for a moment, his eyes somehow clouding before becoming clear again, "terrified."
"I think something is wrong with me," I swallowed, "I think... if I was someone else, I'd take a step back from myself."
"Why are you saying that?" A worry line appeared between his lowered eyebrows.
"I killed someone, Dad," I pointed out, the phrase not even sounding unfamiliar to my tongue even when this was the first I vocalized it, hearing it on repeat in my head already, "anyone would feel guilty over this, anyone would be scared because of this. But what assures me that I'm nothing near normal is that this is not how I feel," I dug my nails into the fabric of my dress covering my legs, "what terrifies me is mot the fact that I took someone's life but that I did it in front of... Kai. I'm not consumed by guilt or remorse like I should be. Instead, I'm haunted by this... fear of what Kai must think of me now."
I felt my voice tremble, my vision blurring as I fought against the tears begging to roll down, looking away from him towards the window.
"You love him," Dad finally spoke, my head turning to his green eyes now soft, his expression gentle, understanding, "you were protecting him."
I shook my head, feeling a surge of frustration welling up inside me, "I wasn't protecting him then. I was angry. I was furious with them all, with how they treated us, how they hurt him—" my voice cracked, tears falling despite my efforts to dry them away, "they hurt him a lot, Dad. I wanted to kill him. I could have just let him be, he wasn't a threat to him."
"Do you not think Kai loves you enough to kill for you too, Leila?"
"He does," I nodded my head, wiping the tears that hung from my chin as more silent ones kept falling, "he'd kill for me. Not because he felt like it."
"Well, I don't know how to explain this any other way, but some people deserve to die," Dad said, squeezing my knee, "some people even deserve more than that. You shouldn't lose an ounce of sleep over them, you shouldn't shed a tear because you freed this world from someone who was a cause of its distress to begin with."
"But—"
"And Kai loves you," he interrupted, "you did not see how he was when you were asleep. You didn't... you didn't know what he felt when you died."
My heart stopped for a second, the last phrase catching my attention, making me ask in a breathless voice, "how did he feel?"
"Like I felt," he simply said before adding, "like he was dying. His heart was crumbling. Leila, he felt so much that I couldn't bear it. I had to turn my powers off to focus on bringing you back, seeing his body shaking was enough indication of what he was feeling. Someone who feels repulsed by you would not be this horrified at the thought of losing you."
I blinked until there were no more tears and then, not being able to take it anymore, I pried hand hand away before jumping into his embrace, throwing my arms around him in a tight embrace, "I love you so much, Dad."
"I love you more—"
"I'm so sorry," I sniffed, burying my face into his shirt, "I'm so sorry for everything that happened, for everything you had to go through and feel because of me—"
"You did nothing wrong," he reassured, patting my head slowly, "I love you more than anything, you understand that?"
I nodded against his shoulder, leaning back as he brushed the tears away from underneath my eyes, giving me a smile, "what do you want to do now? You want to go back to them? But I think it's over now, a few already headed to bed."
"I should probably go to bed," I backed away before standing up, "I'm exhausted."
After saying goodnight, I basically snuck out of the where everyone was, heading up to my room and waiting there. I wasn't exhausted, I didn't want to head to bed right now. I wanted to see Kai. I wanted him to find me like he did when I would disappear from his sight for, like, more than ten minutes.
And he did. Because there was a knock on the door, twice like we did to know it's us, "come in."
He strolled in, locking the door behind him and giving me a soft smile as he walked up to me. The moment he was close enough, I let my hands slip into his, tugging him even closer. He's safe. He's happy. Be happy with him. I shouldn't bring him down by these feelings I'm suffering from. These memories.
"Hi," I stepped closer, my chest brushing against his as I looked up, seeing him already looking down at me.
"Hey," he replied, his thumbs brushing against my knuckles like they always do, but this time it made me feel warmth I haven't felt in these past few days, I wanted more. I wanted him.
"Are you going to head downstairs again?" I asked in a quiet tone.
"Are you?" He replied, but I just tsk'd and shook my head slightly, watching offer a soft smile, "then no."
I let go of him, my steady fingers going to my dress's zipper, sliding it down as he gave me a look but said nothing before I heard the dress fall with a thud to the ground, holding his forearm to step out of it before my hands went to the hem of his shirt, tugging on it.
"Take that off," I ordered in a low voice, taking a step forward, causing him to stumble one backwards. I saw his eyes roam around my face, his lips parting a little before he worked his jaw, sliding the shirt off of him, throwing it next to my dress on the ground.
"I missed you," I whispered, pulling him down by his shoulders, digging my fingers into his skin when my nose nuzzled against his. Tell me you miss me too. Tell me you still find me the same Emmaline as before. Your Emmaline. It's still me.
I didn't let this thought reach him. I was scared. Scared to let him know what I'm thinking of, to give him the idea of the option of being scared of me to begin with. I wanted to tell him that I'm still the sweet, kind Emmaline with him. That he'll never see that side of me directed at him. But maybe he doesn't want that side of me to exist to begin with.
He didn't answer, only grabbed the back of my thighs, lifting me up and walking us to the bed, sitting on the mattress with me straddling his legs then he said, "I didn't go anywhere."
Then I kissed him. I drew myself out of my head, my thoughts, until I realized he's now on his back, his hands on my waist as I controlled how his head moved, how his lips acted against mine.
"Kai," I sighed, leaning up to look at him as my hair fell over my shoulder to his, watching his hand tuck it behind my ear to look at me.
"Yes, sunshine?"
Sunshine. He still saw me as this bright person he once said I was. He still thought my smile could be enough to lift up this world. The smile I couldn't bring myself to actually feel these past days. The same face that sobbed watching Kai get dragged away from me, the same face that had the mouth that threatened to kill these people. Kill them.
"Do you think you still want to be stuck with me forever?" I tilted my head, my heart thudding harder against my chest. Why am I asking this? I don't want to know. I could've just ignored my thoughts.
"Until the stars exploded, remember?" He smiled at me. So soft. I love his smile. His soft eyes. He was so gentle and sweet. Even when he's not with me. Sure, he treats people like they're invisible but that's just it. He doesn't look down on them or be actually mean. He just sits alone, he's the quiet guy. The one who sits alone, the one nobody knows anything about. He doesn't like to talk, I know. He doesn't like meeting new people or crowds or noise. He doesn't yell, he doesn't get angry.
He almost killed someone for you. I know. I know it's not normal, I know someone who is not me should be scared. But all I thought about these days was killing for him too. I didn't have the right to be scared. Even before I dated Kai, I knew how protective he gets. I just didn't know then that there would be a situation one day where we would meet people we need to hurt to be safe. But it wasn't out of character of him.
Yet he was everything I wasn't. I'm not quiet. I'm all over the place, I talk a lot, I move a lot, I love meeting new people. Everyone knows everything about me because I talk too much... then comes the bad side. I discovered I'm angry. I yell. I act out. I literally lose my mind when it comes to him. It's scaring me. I just hoped it wasn't scaring him.
I felt him lean up, his face getting close to mine to kiss me again but I put my hand on his chest, pushing him back gently, "stay like this."
"Emmaline," he whispered, cubbing the side of my face, "what's wrong, habibti?"
"I would do anything for you," I softly spoke, even when the scenes in my mind were anything but soft, the things I would go, how far I'm willing to do so, "I would do a lot for you. I need you to understand that."
"I know—"
"I know that you know," I cut him off, feeling my heart almost escape past my lungs, my chest from how fast and hard it's beating, "do you understand?"
I didn't want to say it, I wanted him to get what I mean. To know I'm doing it because I love him not because I'm messed up. That hurting people who hurt him should be justified.
"Emmaline, listen to me," he let his hand move to the back of my neck, holding my head in place for my eyes to stay pinned at him as he carefully spoke, "you could tell me you want to set the world on fire, and I'd stand by and watch you burn every corner of this earth to the ground and say nothing about it because in my eyes, you do no wrong."
I felt my lips part, my breath catching until he went on, "do you understand that?"
I think I froze. I couldn't move or speak. I wanted to tell him yes, to at least nod my head, but nothing, I just stared at him, at his dark eyes, no brown left in them until he let out a sigh and rolled me so my back was against the mattress, his fingers brushing my hair away from my face, "I love you, Emmaline."
"I love you too," the heavy weight that stilled my tongue in place listening as the phrase rolled out, seeing him give me a smile before he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against my lips, then another until I was the one pulling him closer to me, not wanting to let him go until he manages to steal my thoughts away from me and lock them up somewhere far, somewhere I couldn't reach when I'm with him.
—————
A/N:
I don't think this is as sad as you thought it would be, but that is just the first step in the staircase loves🥰🫶🏻 (you haven't seen nothing yet)
Also, yall should listen to Apocalypse by cigarets after s*x and reread the bathtub scene. 10/10 experience.
P.S: ily and all the characters I swear😔