WILLOW
sums: i promise i'll be there.
"She said she'll be there, stop worrying." Maya smacks my arm and leans to grab her phone from the coffee table. "You don't trust her?"
"Of course I do." the words come out naturally, without any doubt. I do trust her. "I'm just nervous."
"Well, duh." she rolls her eyes. "It's the first time you're performing with her before the event." her lips curve slightly.
I swallow hard, keeping my eyes in the TV in front of us. We're in the middle of October, professor Queens had called every person performing on December, to know where we are. She also said if we're ready, we have to perform it for her.
Summer said she has the whole choreography ready, but she was not excited about this. Told me she wanted to show it to me first but there's no time. Between classes and work, and her dance classes and school– we barely have time to see each other anymore. I've been taking night and longer shifts at Ocean's, since I've realized I'm way too behind with some stuff at school and since we have no food at home. My mother is taking everything away from me.
Summer is also at the studio twelve hours per day, which I told her it's not healthy at all. We talk every day, when we have time, I ask her how her day's going, if she's eaten anything, if she's okay– but it's not the same. I miss her so much it started to hurt.
Five days have passed since we kissed, she never brought it up again, and I haven't either, trying to convince myself that is for the best, even though doesn't feel like that way. I want to make sure if she's okay, if she's taking care of her leg, if she's still limping– and I'm pretty sure she skips a lot of meals. Two days ago I was googling facts of professional ballet dancers and my heart stopped when I click on an article that read 'eating disorders in ballet industry.' I've never read something so carefully, each word ringing in my ear. Apparently, 'people with smaller bodies were favorited by teachers' and a lot of ex-ballerinas have confirmed that the struggle with food starts with their teachers, because they're always comparing each other, always telling them not to eat, pressuring them to go to the gym and some had even go to the police to file a report on violence and harassment. I mean, what the fuck?
After I read it, everything felt wrong and I spent the whole day thinking about it, but then I thought– Summer's moms care too much about her to let her be mistreated like that, they love her, I'm pretty sure they've never raised their voice to any of their children. They're sending her to the most prestigious school on earth, and it's impossible for them to let her daughter in that environment if they know she's not healthy. Right?
Maya waves a hand in my hand, breaking me out of my trance. "I lost you again. Why are you being so weird?"
"What?" I curl my legs underneath me on the small couch.
"Yeah, you've been weird all week. Like spacing out and, I don't know, in another world." she shrugs, leaning her head on the back of the couch. "What's wrong? Do you need to talk?"
I furrow my brows together. "I'm fine, May. Just tired."
"Are you worried about the showcase?" she kicks her feet up on the coffee table.
"A little, yeah." I shrug.
"Well, don't." she chuckles. "You're with the Summer Bennett, the best professional ballerina in Canada, and you're a really great singer. You're going to win."
"Stop treating her like that, May." a long sigh leaves my body. "Being a talented ballerina is not her personality, you know? She's a person, too."
Her nose crinkles with a little smile. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot you're her friend now." she teases at the word 'friend'
Ignoring the burning in my chest, I roll my eyes. "She is my friend." why does it taste wrong?
"I know. You've spending a lot of time with her, practically forgetting about me." she crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows. "Are you treading best friends? Because I won't let you go. You know too much."
I let out a low chuckle. "I would never leave you, May. You're still my best friend."
Maya narrows her eyes at me, nodding with hesitation. "Okay– because I want free tickets to your future concerts, you can introduce me as your sister slash best friend."
My heart flutters at that mention. I still don't know if that's what I want but man, a girl can dream. "Oh, yes. Because we look so much alike."
"Shut up, at least I get free tickets." she shrugs. "Should we go get some pizza?"
My stomach sinks, the smile disappearing from my lips when she mentions food. I don't have any more money to spend on food. Fucking food! because my dear mother just took everything from me. I can't tell Maya, she knows I've been taking a lot of shifts and I'm
supposed to have money, right?
As I search for a quick excuse, Maya stands up and offers me her hand. "My treat, let's go."
"I don't–"
"Willow, come on." she whines, her face turning to the window. "Looks like it's going to rain, so put on a jacket. I'll wait downstairs."
"May–"
"If you're not with me in three minutes I'm dragging your ass down!" she yells, closing the door behind her and leaving me completely alone.
I am going to kill her.
I am downstairs in two minutes– Maya waits for me with arms crossed over her chest, her lips trembling from the cold air and the gray-black clouds don't help with the weather.
Two months ago, I wouldn't ever care about a rainy day– I live in Vancouver, we get those every fucking day, but now the rain only makes me think about Summer and wonder if she's okay. I don't think she knows anything that's happening outside those four walls she's trapped in, but somehow my mind always goes to her.
Maya drives us to Sally's and she's the only one that gets out of the car to order food. I send a text to Josie asking her if she wants to come have lunch with us. Summer's chat stares back at me with her last text, which it said she'll be there. I trust her, I really do– but somehow, I don't trust her ballet teacher. Will she let her come? As far as I know her classes are until six p.m. it's only two p.m. and Professor Queens told us to be at the Art building by three thirty.
"I got half cheese half pineapple." she hands me the box as she gets into the car.
I crinkle my nose at her words but my stomach groans at the smell. "Why do you hate yourself so much?"
"Hey!" she smacks my arm. "Pineapple pizza is great. You should try it."
"Yeah, maybe when I'm dead." I chuckle, placing the box softly on my lap.
"Cheese if fine," she shrugs, staring at me when we hit a red light. "But you'll be hungry again in an hour."
"I'm always hungry."
Maya laughs throwing her head back. "True, my friend. That is true."
Once we get to our dorm, I see Josie's text saying she's at work but we can meet up later, I send a thumbs up emoji before I settle down in my bed with Maya, the pizza in the middle of us.
Maya piles up her pink hair into a messy low ponytail and sits cross-legged in front of me. "Soooo, you know," her eyes narrow. "I've realized you never told me why we were out the other night."
"Huh?"
"That night, at Blue's. You never told me why you were all... weird and sad." she takes a piece of pizza into her mouth, bringing a hand up to cover it as she speaks. "Something ever weirder happened." she swallows. "I went back for you and Jo told me you needed some air, I was worried so I went outside to see if you were okay and I–"
"You saw me with Summer." my cheeks turn red when I interrupt her. "I... I mean, I guess she also saw me and got worried. That was all."
Maya bites the inside of her cheek to hide a smile. "Never asked for an explanation." she says, with a teasing gleam in her brown eyes. "You two looked cozy, though. What's going on with her?"
"There's nothing going on with her." my voice has gone all weird and high-pitched, so I clear my throat and repeat. "There's nothing going on. We're just friends, we connected fast."
"You connected fast." she repeats not even trying to hide the smile on her voice. "That's good. I remember you telling me that you weren't friends just last month."
"Yeah, well. I didn't really know her then." I shrug, my eyes glaring at the pizza like it's the best thing in the world right now. "Y'know, she's an easy person to talk to, she listens and doesn't try to fix your life– she just understands and she's there for you. She's a nice person and I can tell she's going through a lot right now, we're kinda similar in that way. Both of us are going through something and we're relying on each other, it's... I don't know, nice."
"Huh," Maya hums and I bring my eyes to her, breaking my trance. Did I say all that out loud? "What could she possibly be going through right now, though? She has everything. Friends, family, fame, love, being the number one ballerina in the world–"
"That's not what she wants, Maya." I cut her off, almost growling because I'm really tired of her talking about Summer when she doesn't even know her. "That is what you, a person who reads the internet, think. You have no idea the pressure she's in and neither do I. So, stop treating her like a nobody. I mean it. You don't know her."
"And you do?" she raises her brows.
"I know her better than you do, that's for sure." my jaw clenches and she just stares at me– no emotion in her face. "She's a nice person, May. Her whole family is, so stop treating them like shit. They're human beings, not some characters in one of your books that you can criticize based on what you've read."
"Okay, jeez. I'm sorry." she raises her hands in surrender and chuckles. "You know, it's weird— this whole thing started because you were using her and look at you now. Friends with Summer Bennett."
"What? I'm not– I've never said that."
"Um, yeah. You did. When you didn't know if you should say yes or no." she bites another piece of pizza. "It's not a bad thing, though. You didn't really know her at that time. Don't worry."
I frown my way through some memories, never recalling saying I was going to use Summer. Did I really say that? It doesn't sound like me and it does not sound nice. I do remember Maya saying I should use her, but that never felt right.
We spend the next fifteen minutes eating in an awkward silence. Me, lost in my thoughts and Maya staring at me like she's trying to read my mind.
Maya leaves my room after we clean up and I start preparing for the presentation. My chest is tight with nerves, nothing I can do to stop my hands from shaking like a leaf. My old and dusty guitar stares at me, if it were a person– it would be mocking me right now, like, 'do you really think you can win with this old and dusty thing?' All my savings are gone and I don't think I can save up more money to buy a new one by December, so this has to do.
Our campus is so unnecessary big that takes me fifteen minutes to get to the building, people are hanging outside– some reading from a paper and other stretching their muscles. Every presentation is private so I guess some of them are before or after me. I check my phone, the clock saying it's 3:23 and Summer is not here yet.
My heart is beating so fast from anxiety and nerves that I'm scared I'm going to pass out. I had never warmed up my voice before a performance, which teachers I've met, told me it was a good thing– and seeing all these people around me making strange sounds with their voice made me uncomfortable but a little bit jealous, because knowing how to warm up your voice means you had a teacher in your life. I had no one, just my mom using me for money because of my voice.
3:26 and she's not here.
I call her, it goes straight to voicemail.
"Willow James and... uh, Summer Bennett." someone says and my stomach sinks, I want to throw up but I keep my head high and walk inside the auditorium alone.
She's not here. She's not here. She's not here.
Professor Queens and two other men sit on the first row as I walk on quiet feet to the hardwood stage. I glance at the door, hoping she bursts into the room but nothing happens. She's not here.
"Where's Summer?" professor Queens asks.
My tongue feels like I just ate sand, tears pick on my eyes as I try to focus my gaze on her. "She uh, she's at– um, her dance class."
I see the confusion on the professor's eyes. She tilts her head at me, a frown appears between her brows. "Her dance class ended at three. My daughter goes with her, that's why I picked this hour for you."
I freeze. "I, um... I–"
"I'm here! I'm here!" I hear her voice before I hear the door bursting open.
I blow out a sigh of relief, my heart is going into a full-on cardiac arrest when my eyes land on her. She's wearing a soft pink leotard, thighs, a black ballet skirt and ballet shoes. Her hair is in a perfect sleek bun that I wonder how the fuck does it not hurt her.
Summer sounds out of breath when she stands next to me, mouthing a quiet 'I'm so sorry.' that makes me want to hug the hell out of her. I've never been so glad to see her, but she seems tired and her pretty brown eyes are not shining as they usually do. They're puffy and red, has she been crying?
"Summer– you're... dressed." professor Queens says, surprised to see her in her ballet clothes.
The brunette takes a deep breath and nods. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was in the middle of a class and I practically ran out of there. I have to get back as soon as I'm done, so I didn't have time to change. I'm so, so, so sorry." her voice sounds shaky and it kills me. I want to tell her that is okay, she's not late. I don't think it's three thirty yet.
"Mila told me class ended at three, that's why I chose this hour for you. I'm sorry, Summer."
Oh, right. Professor Queen knows Summer. I forgot about that. "It's fine, her class did end at three. Just not me." she smiles and my chest tightens at how sad that smile is.
"You sure you're okay to dance? You look a little..." tired, exhausted, unhappy, drained, I want to hug her. "Not yourself."
Summer chuckles. Again, the sound so broken that I want to call all this thing off. "I'm okay, don't worry. I'm just sorry to be late. I'm ready."
"Okay," the person next to the professor says. He looks in his middle thirty, black hair and dark eyes– I've never seen him in my life and it scares me a little bit. "We're going to do this twice. First, James you will sit on that chair," he points to the chair behind me. "And Bennett will do her choreography in front of you. Then, you will sit here with us and we'll watch Bennett with you– so you can have your own opinion on her dance, okay?"
Summer and I nod at the same time, getting into position. I place the guitar in my lap and take a deep breath. I hear Summer doing the same thing, her eyes meet mine and she gives me a little nod with a smile– like she's telling me everything's going to be okay.
She places her right leg in front of her and her arms up– looking like a real life ballerina. That's because she is, you fucking idiot. I don't miss her frowning face when she twists her ankle a little. She swallows hard, giving herself a little nod and I notice her mouth moving, like she's speaking to herself. Is she okay?
I close my eyes after Queens gives me the go and I lose myself in my song, not looking at Summer, afraid that I might get lost in her and screw up this whole thing. The song is originally three minutes long and I sent it to Summer a few weeks ago, giving her time to prepare herself and it sounds like she did.
Her footsteps knock into the stage with force, her scent intoxicating my lungs when I feel her dancing close to me. Even though I'm not watching her, I can feel her and I can imagine her floating and flying on stage, like she was meant to be in one. My voice and her soft landings echo in the entire auditorium, making me think we work extremely well together and hoping the judges can see it too.
The song is sad and I'm hoping Summer's dance is even more sad. People love depressing shit, they ate it up really fast.
Once I'm done, I open my eyes and immediately search for her– just in time to see her landing so fucking softly on the floor, curling her body so smoothly and hiding her face between her legs– My heart skips a beat at how tiny, tired and broken she looks, I'm about to reach for her when a sniffle brings me back to earth. Summer hears it, too. She stands up and stares at the judges rubbing her knee softly, but never stops smiling.
"Oh, my–" professor Queens wipes a tear away with her thumb and I can't help but smile. "That was heartbreaking. It was so beautiful, girls."
Both men agree, nodding their heads. "It was really good. Congratulations." one of them says and I see the gleam in their eyes.
Summer is suddenly next to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and my entire being freezes. Her soft chuckle rings in my ear and brings goosebumps all over my body. "We did it!" she whispers, I can't stop smiling as I wrap my arms around her tiny waist. She smells so good.
"We did it, princess." the nickname is out of my mouth before I can even think about it. When she takes a step back, I notice the soft blush across her cheeks and the light her eyes were missing is there again. "Are you okay to go again? Does it hurt your leg?"
"What?" she giggles. "Of course I'm fine. I'm Summer Bennett." she teases with a smile. "Come on, I can't wait to show you the dance."
Her hand brushes against mine, a shock of electricity travels through my body as I sit down next to the judges. "Summer, do you need to listen to Willow for the dance? Or are you okay to go solo?"
She shakes her head. "I'm okay. I've memorized the song."
My eyes widen. "You did?"
"Of course. It's my favorite song." my heart flutters with her wide smile. "I'm ready."
There's no music and I tell myself to sing in my mind to see how it looks– I manage to say two words before my mind goes absolutely blank at her sight.
I am completely mesmerized by her moves. I've seen her dance a couple times but never like this. She dances so gently, like the touch of a feather, she moves around the stage like she's floating. She looks so confident, she's so fucking talented that there's no wonder people call her what they call her. She really is the greatest ballerina in the world, and I feel like the luckiest person on earth to get to watch her this close and for free. She jumps, twirls, does a bunch of things that I'm pretty sure have names but I can't name them– I'll do my research later, Sums. I promise.
Summer Bennett is magic, she is an angel and I can't tear my eyes away from her. It's pretty obvious she was born to dance, born to shine brighter than the stars.
She glides across the stage effortlessly, her feet barely touching the ground. She leaps into the air and I suck in a breath. Summer lands with a wobble and a not-so-quiet "Fuck!" and she winces.
My heart goes still, I sit up straighter and I feel the people next to me not breathing anymore, but my beautiful Summer keeps dancing like nothing happened. Her face is unexpressive, her brown eyes flickering with what I think is pain, but she dances, and dances, and dances for what it seems it's hours– then, she's on the floor. Finishing the dance.
No one moves, no one breathes, no one applauds, no one speaks. I see Professor Queens texting someone in her phone, her fingers moving at a speed that it worries me.
My whole body is burning and I don't think I'm breathing anymore, Summer doesn't move, but I see her chest falling and raising fast. My heart feels like it might burst out of my chest.
Everything seems to go in slow motion but I know it's seconds after she finishes when I hear her, and my world falls apart.
She's crying.