Hello friends ♥️
I'm planning 4 shows for the clancy tour and to one I'll be going with Tschelzii and it'll be their first time which I'm so excited about bc I've been telling them I wanna be at their first TOP show and now we can make it happennn and I'm sooo happy about that!
How are we feeling after next semester dropped? Fucked me up real fucking bad. Tyler being so blunt about his attempt is fucking insane and I was so fucking shocked when I heard it the first time. So glad I was strong enough to not listen to any of the leaks for once haha and that I got to hear it the first time together with the video ♥️ bawled my eyes out but it's fineee I'm fineeee
I just love them so much it hurts lol. I'm so obsessed with these guys and knowing something so personal about tyler and then seeing how he's been referencing it in so many videos... the goner mv in the snow with the footsteps in between the tire tracks, the truce mv where he plays piano in the middle of the road, the fucking hds video ... gives me so much chills but I love him so much. Now realizing all those things and seeing how he's been referencing it this whole time... feels absolutely insane and it genuinely shocked me so much and made me so anxious and sad but like ... i love it lol
anyways. let's dive into this chapter 🫶🏻 I'm trying to stay ahead so I can upload 3 chapters next week but I can't guarantee it unfortunately. Maybe it'll be 2, and I'm so sorry, but please don't be mad ok I'm trying reaaally hard 🥺🥺
Hope to write something more today so I can stay ahead. I'll do my best! I hope to see your votes and hear your thoughts 'cause they mean a lot and are such a motivation. Thank you for being here, please enjoy this chapter ♥️
Word count: 3606
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The next day, Josh woke up in Tyler's arms again. This time, no steamy stuff had happened between him and Tyler; they'd just played the game until late at night, then went to bed and talked while they cuddled. That was it. Josh was okay with that, absolutely, but he still kind of missed it. He wished he could feel Tyler's lips on his skin again, his hands on his body, his breath against his skin, his tongue on his neck, his fingers exploring every part of him...
Josh had to stop himself from thinking like that real quick, or he'd be getting way too turned on, and he really did not want to have a hard on as he was innocently cuddling with Tyler that morning.
Tyler once more thanked Josh for the gift, and how much he had loved playing the game. He also told him how he couldn't wait to play it again.
They had breakfast with the four of them, and Lucas told them he'd go do groceries for Steve that day. "I expect to be gone for several hours so I can restock everything here properly", Lucas said. "You really don't have to, Lukie", Steve said. "I can get someone else to do it, or I can order groceries. You're not responsible for that", he said. "I know baby, but I want to. I like doing mundane things for my special babies", he smiled. "Well I gotta admit, there's always something special about knowing you're the one who's done my groceries for me", he said with a soft laugh. "'Cause I know how much love, thought and care went into picking it all out for me."
Lucas smiled at that. "I do put a lot of love into it", he said. "I know, I appreciate it so much", Steve smiled. "I'm gonna inventorize your entire house and plan the grocery list accordingly", he chuckled. "Would you like to go with me J? You can also stay here if you want, either is more than fine", Lucas said. "Oh no I- I'll go with you, it sounds pretty fun", he smiled. "And you'll hopefully be done sooner if I help."
"Great", Lucas smiled. "What're we gonna do?" Tyler asked Steve. "We can write maybe?" He asked. Tyler nodded. "Sounds good", he smiled. "Perfect, we'll go do groceries and then we can let you guys work", Lucas said. "Now I'll go inventorize and after that, we can go", Lucas smiled as he got up. "We'll clean up", Steve said as he grabbed Lucas' hand and he pulled him closer, pressing a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you baby", Lucas said. "No, thank you", Steve told him.
As Lucas went about his task, the others quickly cleaned the breakfast table and Tyler then dragged Josh to the couch so they could play a little bit more of his game. It didn't feel right playing the game without Josh now, so he was using that moment to get a little more time in with him.
When Lucas finished, he and Josh got ready to go and they hugged their soulmates goodbye before they left. They took Steve's car as they went to the store.
"I think we'll be doing this for a while", Lucas chuckled. "My list is huge."
They started their grocery journey, going to one store first, grabbing whatever they need, before going to the next store, and the next. In between, they had lunch together, having a poke bowl and a drink, before they continued the shopping. Josh actually had a lot of fun doing so with Lucas, as it was an opportunity for them to talk so much, and Josh felt how much closer he got to Lucas with every word they shared.
Lucas truly felt like Josh's big brother, his guardian angel, watching out for him and making sure he's protected and cared for. He meant a great deal to Josh, and Josh meant a great deal to Lucas.
Finally, after about five hours, they went back home to Steve's apartment. They had to make a few trips up and down from the car to the apartment as they put everything on the kitchen island. As they did so, they heard loud music coming from the floor above them; Steve and Lucas were working in the small studio. Lucas smiled as he heard the music and Tyler's voice, but Josh was kind of freaking out. Okay, yeah, he'd been spending several days with Tyler fucking Joseph by now, and they'd done a lot of things, but still casually hearing Tyler's new music or things he was working on, was gonna freak him the fuck out. He was still a huge fan of Tyler too and that hadn't faded, not even a little bit.
Josh and Lucas put the frozen goods and items that had to go into the fridge away, leaving the rest of the stuff for now as they went upstairs, Josh following Lucas. The music got louder and clearer, and Josh's heart was pounding as they heard Tyler sing.
"Yeah I loved that", Steve then commented as the music stopped. "That works better." "I thought so too, yeah", Tyler nodded. "Let's do it one more time."
"Yes please", Lucas said, and Steve and Tyler jumped up a little. "Oh! Hi! We didn't hear you come in!" Tyler said with a smile as he got up to hug both of them, one arm around each of them. He kissed Lucas' cheek, then Josh's. "You were gone for so long!" He commented. "We went to so many stores", Lucas chuckled. "And had lunch. Did you have lunch?" He asked. Steve nodded. "I made Tyler and me something", he smiled. Lucas returned the smile thankfully, glad Steve made sure to take care of Tyler having three meals a day.
"We brought dinner, by the way", Lucas said. "But first, show us what you've been working on?" he asked. "Of course, yes, sit down", Tyler said as he grabbed both of their hands, guiding him into the room as he made them sit down on spare chairs.
"So we've worked on three songs, none are fully finished", Tyler said. "I mean, we're still only in the demo phase too but like, we don't have the lyrics or plans for the full songs yet either. Uhm... Which one first?" Tyler asked. "The fuck-you to your exes?" Steve proposed. "Let's do it", Tyler smiled. "it's a uh... a slower song, but so far I like it", Tyler said. "It's about... about them making me feel like I couldn't do anything myself and I was worthless without them. So... here it goes", he said.
Steve hit the button on his laptop to start some of the music they'd produced, then he played along on the acoustic guitar. He used his foot to count down for Tyler, then he started singing.
"I started down the highway, running from my feelings. Said I'm never going back 'cause I don't wanna feel it. Pardon my intrusion, got nowhere to stay. I've been going through it, feeling down these days", Tyler sang. "Oh, I'm ready to go, I'm ready to grow, do it all on my o- o- o- own", he sang. "Oh I'm ready to see what this world has for me, and do it all on my o- o- o- own."
"Then the next part isn't really set in stone yet", Tyler said. "Was playing around with this. Uhm... I think it might go like this", he said, before he sang another part. "Wish you'd told me no one's perfect, so I'd feel okay. Should've told me that I'm worth it and you'd want me to stay. I've tried explaining everything I think about, but that's long overdue; I've moved past that now."
"That's all I got for that one", he said. "I think it's a really strong start", Steve smiled. "I hope so", Tyler smiled. "That sounded so pretty, Ty", Lucas smiled. "And your guitar playing too, Steve. I think it's really good", he said.
"What do you think?" Tyler asked Josh with a smile after he thanked Lucas. "Oh", Josh blushed. "Uhm... I- I don't know what to say", he said with a shy laugh. "I think it's gorgeous", he shrugged shyly with a blush. "And I think I appreciate it even more now knowing the story behind the lyrics much more than before", he blushed. "You got all the inside information now", Tyler said with a smirk. "Thank you, J. I really appreciate that", he said.
"So next we also worked on a song about this beautiful man here", Tyler smiled as he gently caressed Steve's cheek. "We don't know what we'd do with this song as it's kind of explicit in some ways and we don't think we'd be able to release that, at least not if I'd sing it", Tyler chuckled. "Maybe Brian wants to do it, and the other guys of course, or maybe it'll be another song that'll never see the light of day, but... I really do like it", Tyler said. "You play guitar baby?" Tyler asked Steve, who nodded.
"You'll know what it is about when I start singing", Tyler told them. "Let's hear it", Lucas nodded.
Steve started to play the electric guitar, a soft, serene melody with low tones. It sounded safe, like a comforting blanket. (A/N: this is a song from kid cudi but I don't listen to that version, I've been listening to chance peña's cover of it and that's the version I imagine tyler singing)
"Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit. Feeling lit, feeling right, 2 AM, summer night", Tyler sang. "I don't care, hand on the wheel. Driving high, I'm doing my thing. Rolling in the Midwest side and out, living my life, getting out dreams", he sang.
"People told me 'slow my roll', I'm screaming out 'fuck that'. I'ma do just what I want, looking ahead, no turning back. If I fall, if I die, know I lived it to the fullest. If I fall, if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets. I'm on the pursuit of happiness, and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold. Yeah, I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good."
"Gosh", Lucas said softly as he wiped some tears away. "I can never not cry about songs about your past addiction", he sniffled softly. Steve reached out for Lucas and he got up, hugging Steve tightly. "I'm just so glad you're here and you didn't leave before we had the opportunity to meet you, and get to know you, and realize you're our soulmate", he whispered. "Every day I'm so incredibly thankful for your life, Steve."
Josh felt the tears brimming in his eyes. Lucas saying that to Steve was making him emotional and on the verge of tears too. The lyrics were so raw, and so gorgeous, and he wanted to hear Tyler sing it time after time so Josh could torture himself with knowing exactly what it was about and realizing how Steve could've very well not been there anymore as he got really close to leaving the world behind too many times because of that addiction.
Tyler saw Josh's response and he got up to comfort him too, smiling softly at him as he rubbed his back and he pressed a kiss on his temple. "He's okay now, going nowhere", Tyler said. Josh nodded. "Just- just hard to hear", he sniffled. Tyler nodded. "Hard to sing, too", he said with a soft laugh. "I cried the first hour working on this", he chuckled. "But he's here, he's okay. Our baby', Tyler smiled.
Josh let out a shaky sigh. "Just glad you guys never knew me when I was addicted", Steve said. "I'm glad we didn't know each other until I got out of that shit." He kissed Lucas' cheek firmly. "Let me and Ty show you guys the other song and we can go eat, yeah? I'm hungry", he said with a laugh. "Of course baby", Lucas grabbed Steve's head as he pressed a kiss on top of his hair. "Love you so so much."
"Let's do this last one", Tyler said. "I think we may have finished the lyrics but... maybe later we'll add to it. Not sure yet. And of course we might make changes in what we have right now", he said. "But this one is about me and Steve, about how I broke up with him... but it's kind of in third person", he said. "You got me curious now, c'mon, show us", Lucas smiled. He looked over to Josh and he sent him a comforting wink, which made Josh smile as he reached out to Lucas who intertwined his hand with Josh's.
Steve started on the acoustic guitar again, as Tyler smiled as he listened, swaying to the music softly.
"I know it hurts, but it wasn't meant to last", he started. "There was your first and, no, it won't be the last in the pages of your heart. It's bad, it's bad, but it'll make you who you are", he continued. "Carry on with the lessons that they taught with good intentions; that don't mean it's not hard. You loved and lost, and that's alright. Just cry, just cry, you don't have to say you're fine", Tyler sang. He was then quiet for a while as Steve played some more guitar, Tyler still swaying to the music as he slightly nodded along. The music changed slightly as the second part of the song was just a little bit more uptempo than the slow beginning was.
"Don't know why they had to fuck around and throw it away. The love you have is better spent in some other place. In time, you'll find another who will love you the way you want, and it won't matter that this one got away. Baby, I can't tell you this won't happen again. Oh, all the pain you're feeling, well, it is what it is. Oh, it's rough, but don't you let it turn you away from love. They were wrong for leaving, but remember that you're enough."
They finished playing, and it was quiet for a moment. "...so if I got this right..." Lucas trailed. "This is you talking about yourself to Steve?" He asked. "...basically, yeah", Tyler said. Lucas shook his head softly. "Why are you talking yourself down like that?" he asked. "I'm not", Tyler said. "I told him that too but he stands by it", Steve said. "We already tweaked the first part to make it less filled with self-hate", he said. "We made that more of a... more like an understanding and accepting part", he said. "That it was okay to be heartbroken and sad about it but still realizing it was the best and not like he was this monster for using me and breaking up 'cause that was never the case", Steve said.
"...but that second part I couldn't change Tyler's mind about so we kept that", Steve said. "...and it works great for a song", he shrugged. "But believe me, it was ten times worse when he showed me the first draft and I couldn't continue with that 'cause it just felt like another way of Tyler self-destructing", he said.
"I'm glad you did that", Lucas said. "It truly is a wonderful song, it's beautiful and raw and gorgeous, but I don't like it when you talk badly about yourself Ty", Lucas said.
"Sometimes I deserve it", Tyler replied. "No you don't. You're our favorite person in the world Ty, you try to be the best you can and look out for others. Everyone messes up and no one is perfect but your heart is in the right place and your heart is good. You are not an evil person. You don't deserve that", Lucas said as he hugged Tyler tightly.
"But as I said... the song is gorgeous, and I love the idea of you talking about yourself to Steve as well. Just glad Steve didn't let you rip yourself to shreds in this one", Lucas said. "It wasn't that bad", Tyler said. "I don't believe you", Lucas said with a gentle laugh. "Come on, let's go have dinner. I hear tummies growling", Lucas said.
They went downstairs and Lucas heated up the noodles that they'd gotten from an Asian fusion place, before they sat on the balcony on the couches as they had dinner together and talked. Steve offered to help them put the rest of the items away after dinner, and Tyler wanted to help too, which Lucas and Josh gladly accepted.
As they finished dinner and put everything away, they weren't sure what to do with the rest of their night, so Lucas offered to play some board games, which they all agreed to. They turned the lights down low, put on music, got drinks and a few snacks and they sat at the dinner table. They played Ticket to Ride, Pandemic, and some other smaller games, like Exploding Kittens.
They had the most fun, laughing and joking and teasing each other, Tyler was dying of laughter as he sat next to Josh and he'd reach out and seek his touch once in a while. Josh loved seeing Tyler laugh so hard it made him cry, he loved strategizing with them to win Pandemic together, he loved how tense and nervous Tyler got when he realized he might not actually win Ticket to Ride, and he loved how he was defeated with Exploding Kittens first, making Tyler frustrated and the others just laughed about it because they loved seeing Tyler get so into the games they played.
The night felt perfect to Josh. So relaxed, so safe, so home-y; he truly felt at home being around Steve, Lucas and Tyler. He felt like he was part of their little self-made family and it meant the world.
Josh didn't know how he had to go about telling him that he had to leave in two days, or his plane ticket wouldn't be valid anymore. His heart was heavy as he thought about it; he wanted to stay so much longer, forever if they'd let him. But at least they had two more days together.
Two more days, and then, the uncertainties of Josh going back to LA without them would start. Uncertain if they'd reach out to him, if they'd text or call, if they'd wanna see him again or if they'd never reach out again. Josh tried to shake the feeling quickly. He didn't want to think about that now. He was gonna enjoy those two more days to the fullest before he had to leave.
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Aww mannn
What did you think? I'd love to hear! Really wanted Josh to have some quality time with both Steve as in last chapter as well as Lucas in this one. Really thought it was something important I wanted to incorporate!
And Joshie heard some new soooongs, can you imagine being at Tyler's and him just showing songs he's been working on lol that'd just be insane. can you imagine how josh is feeling.
I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and I really hope you can leave a like <3 it really means the world and makes writing so worth it and I just truly hope you still enjoy this story.
Thank you for being here, I'll see you next week with the next chapter ♥️