Never would I EVER promote being a teen parent. I don't recommend it in the slightest. I'm just lucky I had the people to support me throughout it. I had my dad, Brooke, her grandma, my sister, Jareds parents, and obviously, I had Jared.
It was really, really hard. I worked two jobs. On the weekends, I worked at Huckleberry's. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I worked at Zumiez. And I always took on extra shifts if offered. After school, I'd have to go straight to work. Jared would stay with Elle at my house until I got back. I bought everything for Elle. My dad would get her some stuff as gifts, but I did pitch in with groceries. My dad would tell me no, but I still did. He didn't ask for a child to live there. I remember bringing Elle home for the first time and I made the mistake of inviting people over. I mean, Mika and Jared were already there, but Oliver and Jojo weren't. It just stressed me and Brooke out more. My dad gave up his room that night so Brooke could stay in there, and then Jared and I went out into the living room and just slept out there. I went into my dads room multiple times as the baby woke up and Brooke and I just kinda panicked the whole time, sometimes Elle was hungry, sometimes she was just wanting cuddles, sometimes she just needed help to go back to sleep. And she needed a diaper change.
Brooke stayed at my house for 2 weeks after Elle was born. She slept in my room after that day and we just cared for Elle together. Once she hit 2 months old, that's when we began to stay at our separate houses. But we would still be together all the time. I still went over there to help her with Elle.
I remember how sad we got when she didn't do that newborn scrunch anymore. I miss how tiny she was. I miss being able to hold her and kiss her everywhere. I miss feeding her and teaching her how to walk. I miss her little hugs and her little voice. But I'm so proud to see the person she grew up to be. I still get those hugs, and she is still so tiny in my eyes. She's still my little girl.
Junji was a easy kid. He wouldn't cry as much, but he did want to be held. All. The. Time. Jared bonded with him may more than I did. He used to cry when I held him every time I'd come back from a tour, but the second I put him back into Jared arms, he stopped. It broke my heart and I can tell it would hurt Jared too. He would always have to face Jun over to me and say "that's your daddy." And stuff.
"Awe, come here." I said to Jun as Jared handed him to me when I came back home. Junji instantly began to cry.
"I-oh what?" I said as I just kept holding him, rubbing his back.
"Here." I quickly said handing him back to Jared.
"Oh shush, Junji." Jared said as he began to bounce Jun as he cried.
"W-what happened?" I asked.
"He's probably just uh...not used to you being here. He'll stop though, don't worry." Jared told me.
"Here, come sit with me." He told me as he walked over to the couch to sit down. I followed and we sat together. He cradled Jun in his arms so Jun was facing me.
"Here we go. That's your daddy!" Jared told Jun. Jun just looked at me with a pouty face. I laughed a bit.
"He's too cute. Look at the way he's glaring at me." I said. Jared just smiled and leaned in to kiss me. It took A WEEK for Junji to love me again. Then he just cuddled and loved on me. He would stretch out his arms for me when Jared was holding him, and he would smile and laugh at me. It was so freaking cute. But one time that actually broke me was when Jun was 1 and a half. He could sort of talk by then. He knew yes and no, he could say daddy, he was able to mimic his favorite shows intro, and he could say kitty and cookie! And juice haha. His main phrase was always "oh cookie" or "oh kitty". It was so cute.
Anyways, when he was 1 and a half, I finally came home from tour after a whopping 6 months. He didn't even want to come near me. He would cry, and would run for "daddy", aka Jared. How did I ignore those signs? My own fucking kid didn't know who I was and I still fucking left and made my music more important than my family.
After our Asia and Europe tour, we went back to our homes. My band and I got off the plane and arrived at the private airport in my city and our driver was already there. We loaded our equipment into the van and we got dropped off one by one after unloading the equipment to our studio. He then dropped us off one by one to our homes. I remember stepping out of the car and into the path of my house with my bags and I guess Jared heard the doors shut because Jared literally ran out and jumped into my arms.
"Hi hon!" I said as I hugged him tightly, my bags were dropped to the floor.
"I missed you so much!" Jared said as he began to cry.
"I missed you more, love." I replied as I squeezed a bit tighter. That's when he finally looked up, with his tear-filled eyes, and he kissed me. My band mates just "oooohed" in a joking way before driving off. Junji and Elle were asleep. I just continued to hug and sway him side to side, mainly because I fucking missed him, but he also wouldn't let go.
"I love you so much, babe. God, I missed the feeling of you in my arms." I told him as I kissed his head.
"I love you too." He replied. We stayed like that for about two minutes before he finally let me go inside. He helped bring in my bags and we instantly set them down in our room. Jared literally INSTANTLY pushed me onto the bed and laid on top of me. He snuggled up to me and just sighed in relief. He kissed my neck, jaw, and my lips many times. I would kiss him back, and he would just melt deeper into me. But then, Junji woke up. He started to cry and Jared stopped kissing me and just grinned.
"Wanna see your baby?" He asked.
"You know I do." I replied. He got off of me and he helped me up. We walked into Junji's room as he was sitting up in his crib, crying.
"Junji!" Jared said.
"Daddy!" He cried as he stretched his arms out toward Jared.
"Pick him up, Karma." Jared quickly told me as he pulled me over to him. So I reached in and grabbed Junji. He didn't realize at first, but then he just started whining again and would push me away. Jared quickly got behind me so Junji could see him and put his hand on the side of Jun's face and kissed him.
"That's your daddy!" Jared said.
"Daddy!" Jun yelled, wanting Jared.
"Hi, baby, I missed you so much!" I told him as I cautiously hugged him, he just kept crying and crying, so I handed him to Jared so he would calm down, but, at least Elle woke up! She ran in the room and she jumped into my arms.
"Oh my god! I missed you so much! AUGH!!" I said as I lifted her up and spun her around as she laughed.
"I missed you too dad! I'm so happy your back!" She said as she squeezed tighter. I just laughed and I carried her out of the room as Jared walked behind me with Junji in his arms. We went down stairs and I instantly just cuddled Elle as Jared sat beside me. Junji was just staring at me as Jared had him on his lap.
"Daddy..." Junji said as he leaned into Jared, once again, glaring at me. But this time, I think he finally took a good look at me, because he began to point at me.
"Junbug, that's your daddy!" Jared announced as he grabbed my hand. I cautiously held onto Juns hand and he surprisingly didn't pull away or cry. Maybe he just really wanted Jared this morning, but at the same time, he is very, VERY attached to Jared.
"Want to try to hold him?" He asked. I reached out my arms and Jared carefully put Junji on my lap as Elle was loving on me from the side. He finally wasn't crying, he was just cuddling up to me finally. I just hugged him and kissed his head.
"Awe, so cute." Jared said as he took a picture of us.
"Mmm, my babies." I said as I held onto Jun, hugging Elle with my other arm.
"Aw, now I feel left out!" Jared announced. He then scooted closer and put his arm around my shoulders, and laid his head on me. We turned on a movie and just cuddled up.
There was a time where Jared and I flew out to San Diego, leaving Junji and Elle with his mom. We got an amazing air bnb in La Mesa. We probably fucked about 20 times in a week. There was a time he was just riding me, and right in the middle of it, his mom called. Without even telling me who it was, or that he was gonna answer it, he answered the call. He was out of breath and blamed it on walking around a damn mall as I was quite literally still inside of him! It was Junji though.
"Hey Jun!" He said, shushing me up. I could hear Juns cute little voice on the other side. We spoke for about a minute before they hung up, and Jared just went right back to moving his hips.
"You're crazy." I moaned, beginning to hold onto his hips.
"Fuck yeah I am." He replied. We kept going at it until I finished, and we just cuddled until our dinner reservations crawled up. Jared and I literally ate like pigs. They just kept being food. It was $200 worth of food. But hey! We can afford it!
"God, I can't believe I'm still in love with you." Jared randomly told me.
"What!" I replied.
"It's been years Karma! And it's amazing we are still this in love! I still feel my heart dancing when I'm around you like this!" He replied.
"That's just because I stuffed you earlier." I joked.
"Shut up." He laughed.
"Well, you did crush on me since forever. Of course you would still be in love with me. What if I never liked you back! I wonder how that would've ended up." I replied.
"I probably would've cried a whole bunch if I confessed my feelings for you and you didn't like me back. I also probably would've wanted to die." He told me.
"I love you so much." I told him.
"And I'm so glad you do." Jared told me. I honestly spoiled Jared this trip. He didn't pay for anything. Which was okay because he paid for the kids and everything else while I was gone.
"Wanna top me when we get back?" I asked.
"Of course!" He replied before eating a dumpling. Anyways, today, I found out Nabi is going out to see for 9 FUCKING MONTHS. But!! I plan on flying on over to Germany in a few months to see his family while he's gone! I'll be bringing my kids too. But, NABI IS HERE RIGHT NOW! He came to visit for May. He brought his little family, obviously, and Nabi is finally going to meet Kieran.
"Oh my god this is surreal." Kieran said as he was waiting for Nabi at my house, since Nabi is actually staying with Jareds parents since there's extra rooms. Adam and Mitsu moved back in together, but they are sleeping in different rooms. Mitsu has been sleeping in Jareds old room, it comforts her I suppose. Honestly, it would be therapeutic to me as well. Nabi is sleeping in Farid's old room with his wife and his two kids are in Erin's room. Heidi is 6 now, and their baby boy who is named Claus.
"Nabi is nice, so is his family, don't worry." I replied as I sat next to Kieran. Kieran just get getting nervous, but then, Mitsu pulled up with everyone in the car. Heidi ran out immediately and hugged Jun. she loves Junji!
"Junji!!!" She squealed. Nabi laughed as he got out of the car. I got up and I instantly went to hug him, and Heidi ran and hugged Junji.
"Nabi, Hej!" I said with a tight hug.
"Ughhh I've been needing a hug from my big brother." He replied.
"You scared?" I asked.
"Yes. Oh my god yes. I'm so freaking scared. I can't even bare being without my kids and wife for a week, 9 months!? I'm going to go crazy!" He told me as he stopped hugging.
"I'm scared about losing you! What if you don't come back?" I replied.
"If I die when I'm out there, then my supervisor and some people in my devision will be knocking on my door with an American flag and my tags." He told me, and I saw the tear in his eye. I just hugged him again.
"Karma, I've been training for this. If anything, I'm also excited. I'm not supposed to be telling anyone but, I'm docking in Japan, Yokosuka to be exact." He told me.
"I don't know where that is, but that's awesome! You've always wanted to go there." I told him.
"I get a few hours to explore the place, but it's next to Tokyo. And it's a huge USA naval base, and it's a seaside city that adores the navy. There is a LOT of Ponyo things there." He laughed.
"Ugh, just don't fucking die on me!" I told him, letting go of him. But then Heidi instantly just jumped into my arms. So now I had to hold and talk to her even though she can barely understand me. My dad was meeting with everyone, and Heidi just kept saying hi to me since she couldn't say anything else really.
"Wanna watch Bluey?" I asked her. She heard bluey and her face lit up.
"Ja ja ja!" He squealed as she began to kick her feet. I put her down on the couch and I turned on bluey, and Junji immediately jumped next to her.
"Elisa, hi!" I told my sister-in-law.
"Hey Karma!" She replied as she sat next to me.
"You scared?" I asked.
"I've been crying ever since I found out. I'm sad we are only here for 2 weeks... he's leaving next month. How am I gonna take care of a child AND a baby alone for many months?" She replied.
"Hey, my husband did that. He took care of Junji when he was a baby AND Elle when she was 7, and he did fine. I was out doing stupid music stuff. At least Nabi is out helping the country." I replied.
"I just hate to imagine him out there. Do you know how damn dark it is out there? PITCH BLACK. And he's gonna be out there for months!" She cried.
"He can still communicate with you though! Do not worry. He will be fine, they are protected indefinitely. It will most likely be very difficult for him to die." I laughed, pfft, as if I wasn't just scared of that.
"Ugh, says the celebrity." She replies, "now it's very hard for you to die. You're probably more protected than my military husband."
"Yeahhh... didn't think of that." I replied with a slight smile, "but hey! You're pretty popular too! I've seen your cute doll making videos! Mrs. "I have 10 million subs"! You're getting up there!" I told her.
"Oh, halt die Klappe." She said as she got up with a laugh. I just raised my eyebrows as I watched bluey with the kids.
"Heidi! Komm und sag deinem Opa Hallo!" Nabi announced from across the room. He basically just told her to say hi to her grandpa. Anyways, since Heidi got up, Junji looked over at me.
"What, butt-head." I joked. He just laughed.
"Can you help me practice my Japanese?" He asked. My heart dropped. I mean, I know Japanese, I'm just not confident haha.
"Okay, I can try! Test me." I said.
"こんにちは、私の名前はジュンジで、猫が大好きです." He said.
"こんにちはジュンジ、私はあなたのお父さんです。私も猫が大好きです！好きな食べ物は何ですか" I replied. Wow, maybe I am confident.
"You understood me!!" He laughed as he hugged me.
"You understood ME!" I replied.
"愛してるよ、お父さん" he told me. My heart melted. He just told me he loved me.
"私はあなたが想像する以上にあなたを愛しています" I replied.
"Okay, I only got some of that." He laughed.
"I love you more than you could ever imagine." I replied, holding him close.