"One of the unspoken rules in the BAU is don't make Spencer cry."
"Love is insanity, isn't it?" - Jane Hanratty (Offscreen)
With her phone held up to her ear, Erwyna approached the same doors she had come across many times before. Before January 16th, 2006, these doors gave her a sense of peace and tranquility. But that was before. Before, when she hadn't been to Italy; before, when she still had family within miles of her. Before, when her mother was still alive.
Many times within the last twelve months, her mother's colleagues had contacted her, requesting her to remove her mother's belongings from her desk. The very things that proved her mother had even stepped foot in that place at one point, they wanted to remove.
Erwyna understood where they were coming from, and she had tried plenty of times within the last year. But she could never push herself through the entrance. She would always make it to the sidewalk in front of her mother's law firm, but she could never even set a single foot inside. Knowing her mother wouldn't be there to greet her this time wasn't something Erwyna believed she would be able to cope with. She didn't want proof that her mother was gone. Yes, she had watched as they placed her mother's corpse six feet underground. But she still wanted this to be a fever dream. If she went inside and took one last glance at her mother's desk, she'd have to face the fact again that her mother was never coming back. She couldn't deal with that. Not until today, at least.
"Erwyna, you can do this." The voice on the other side of the phone rang through the constraining air, uplifting Erwyna.
Erwyna stayed silent as she stared at the doors, frozen in place. "No, Cal-"
Callie cut off Erwyna, not wanting to listen to her bullshit. "You aren't a coward, Erwie. You are Erwyna motherfucking Torres, and the one thing about us Torres women is that we don't give up." Erwyna could almost hear Callie smiling at her, as absurd as that sounds, as she continued to speak. "I know this is tough, but I'm here okay, Erwie? I am always here."
Erwyna took a deep breath as she reluctantly nodded and began to walk inside. But as soon as she stepped over the threshold between the front doors and the office, she immediately stopped in her tracks once again. "I'll- I'll just do this tomorrow-"
"Erwyna!"
"Fine, fine. I'll go in," Erwyna continued to amble again. "I'm just- I'm going to hang up now so I can focus... thank you, though, Callie."
"Anytime. I have to get back to work myself anyways." Callie responded. The Torres women both removed their phones from their ears. Erwyna then advanced to the doors made of glass that would lead her to her mother's true resting place.
As she pushed the doors open, everybody immediately noticed her. However, they watched her every move as if she were their prey in a crowded forest. Not one person could bring themselves to stand up as she walked past them. However, a few people let out their sympathetic, "I'm so sorry, your mother was an angel," while they remained in their seats.
Erwyna approached her mother's desk at once, and she could feel the grief veil over her head. Erwyna sat down in the office chair her mother had sat in countless times before, striving to put the malicious men and women of our world away. She noticed that everything of her mother's was exactly as she had left it- even the case files she had recently managed to finish. Erwyna chalked them still being there up to her mother's colleagues making copies of the files. Her leather jacket was also still draped over the back of the seat, and Erwyna's picture from when she still had those dreadful bangs was still framed underneath the computer screen. Her mother probably kept it to remind herself that her daughter was safe even if she was countries away from her perturbed mother.
Erwyna could feel the tears start to fall, but she neglected to throw a fit like she had last month at the police station. Nobody in here was responsible for her mother's death anyway. They didn't deserve an outburst, at least not now. She picked the picture up and began to run her thumb over the glass protection, hoping to feel her mother's warm touch again.
As she placed the picture back down, she let out a loud exhale before standing up and grabbing every remnant of her mother's being, something she couldn't bring herself to do at her own house. But that was different, merely anybody visited her mother's house besides her. Here, everyone cared about her mother of course. But they couldn't just keep her mother's position and desk vacant for longer than a year, understandably.
Erwyna smelled the jacket and she swore she could still smell her mother's perfume so vividly. Its iridescent rose scent made the hairs on every part of her body stand up. At last, she grabbed her picture as she finally noticed everyone's looks of compassion. She could feel their hearts throbbing for her, but she knew they would likely never understand her pain to this degree. This sense of pain that kept her awake at night, that kept her walking into her mother's bedroom nearly every night hoping to find her asleep. This sense of pain that kept her screaming at the sky every morning and every night in hopes of receiving a response.
The car came into view as Erwyna stumbled out, nearly dropping everything inside her hands- she couldn't bear to take more than one trip. The troubled looks from her mother's found family would linger on her again, and she hated that pitiful attention.
As she managed to open the back door, her phone began to ring again. She fumbled with her mother's precious belongings before delicately placing them down and raising the phone to her ear like she had just ten minutes ago.
"Callie, this is not funny. I'm fine, you don't nee-"
"Uh, Callie? This is JJ, we have a case.."
"Oh, just- I'll be there in half an hour, don't worry."
And with the most antiquated part of Rosemary's past erased, Erwyna stepped into the car and threw her phone into the passenger seat in a more vulgar fashion. Meanwhile, she let a few more salty tears drip down onto the center console before she started the car and took off, never to revisit this building ever again.
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
Like every single active-case day Erwyna had participated in before at the BAU, she stood in front of the doors, stationary. Except, every day it was for a different reason; her first day, it was because, of course, it was her first. On her second day, she stood in front of those doors for an immensely fleeting amount of time due to it being her first time on the jet, as ridiculous as that sounds, and today it was to regain her composure. She had only been working there for a month, she didn't want to cause a commotion by having yet another nervous breakdown just inside the bureau.
When she finally decided that she was adequately composed, Erwyna decided to enter the colossal edifice with her poker face disguising her distress.
The elevator ride was avidly desolate with her being the only person inside the entire time, allowing her to have another brief breakdown. However, this also gave her the chance to recompose herself.
A loud, meretricious beep suddenly informed her that she had reached her desired floor and, as she wiped the remaining tears, Erwyna entered the BAU. Everybody else - besides Gideon - was already there, but Emily was the only person waiting for Erwyna in the bullpen. She stood up as she watched Erwyna walk in, immediately being able to see through the disguise.
She approached Erwyna with a reassuring smile on her face as she questioned, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Erwyna tried to withdraw from the uncomfortable confrontation, but Emily gently brushed her hand against Erwyna's arm, forcing her to turn around.
"You're not fine. Come on, just tell me. We used to tell each other everything, can't we just be like that again? Just for a minute?"
Erwyna scoffed. "You screwed that up yourself, Agent Prentiss."
Emily's smile faded a bit as Erwyna finally broke Emily's grasp and began to walk away while Emily called out, "It's your mother, isn't it?"
Erwyna stopped at this inquiry, yet she refused to turn around as she responded, her voice breaking a bit, "You don't get to ask about my mother." while also venturing into the table room.
Erwyna took a seat beside Hotch while JJ spoke. "1996, the ribcage of a male was found in the Desert Rose National Park, it was never identified. This morning, the remains of two victims were found in almost exactly the same area."
Emily spoke up as she took her own seat. "Well, one year later is cause for concern, but ten years? That could be a coincidence."
As the photos came into Erwyna's view, she couldn't help but put a hand over her mouth as they took the air right out of her lungs. She hadn't seen a decomposed body before as not only was nobody killed in her Interpol days, but she also hadn't seen anything like this even in the upwards of eleven months she had spent in other bureaus before coming to the BAU.
Hotch watched her carefully as she remained unable to look at the photos, mirthless as this had become just another part of his day. But he also worried, as he knew that she didn't have much experience with human remains, let alone those in this level of decomposition. His gaze remained on her even after she took her hand away from her mouth, still lingering to see if he would need to clean up in aisle Erwyna.
In the meantime, Spencer placed some of the ribcage photos in front of Emily. "It would be a coincidence if the unidentified male wasn't missing a right rib bone."
Hotch then stood up, placing more of the crime scene photos on top of the table, but making sure to place them as far away from Erwyna as he possibly could. He didn't want to distress her if it wasn't completely necessary. "And the torso found this morning is missing exactly the same bone."
"Both of them seem to be surgically removed, and the advanced rate of decomposition on the male means that he died far before the female."
"Oh- Katherine Hale, they found a bracelet on her wrist. She ran away about two weeks ago from her small Colorado town." JJ said as she noticed it was her turn to speak.
"Unsub's crossing state lines, he's mobile."
Gideon finally made his entrance as Derek talked. "If the remains are related to the same killer, where's he been for ten years?"
"Killing." Gideon declared as he placed a cardboard box beside the aforementioned Erwyna-proof files. "Unsolved case files going back thirty years." He carelessly threw the files onto the table as everyone picked one up and Hotch handed one to Erwyna, who was satisfied that there was at least something she could look at. "Every case, the victimology is the same; the unwanted. This box is just the tip of the iceberg. Thirteen cases spanning thirty years, same M.O., right rib bone is missing. It's him, Hotch, it's the same killer."
Erwyna let a minuscule frown come onto her face as she read through her own files, with Hotch speaking up once again. "All the remains were dumped in remote areas and always near Interstate Eighty and up 'till now, no remains this intact or this close to the actual time of kill have been found."
"Never two victims dumped at the same time in the same place."
"All of these killings are the work of just one man?" Emily queried as everybody else, especially Erwyna, stayed relatively silent.
"The most prolific serial killer ever."
And with that, everybody was sent to the jet. Erwyna was particularly quiet as she approached the jet, which was typical for her even with her outburst last month. Nobody expected her to fit in and feel comfortable speaking everything on her mind right away, but they all expected her to say something. But right now, all Erwyna could say was nothing.
During the jet ride, a few uncertain glances were exchanged between the other agents and Erwyna's unresponsive face, but nothing came of it. Erwyna had no reason to give these agents an answer, though she did have a right to grieve on her own.
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
Once the jet arrived in Nevada, Derek, Hotch, and Gideon went to the dumpsite while Erwyna, Emily, and Spencer went to the station. Hotch had determined that Erwyna was in no state of mind to be visiting the crime scene and seeing a dead body just yet. He knew her mother's death must have been hard on her and even though he could see that she tried to be composed around the others, she was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
As the other triad of agents arrived at the front desk of the police station, they felt extremely shunned.
Spencer voiced this concern as he asked, "Is it just me, or do you get the feeling that we're not welcome here?"
"It's not us, it's what we represent," Emily stated as she subtly looked over her shoulder at the sluggish junior agent who could barely keep track of the two. Her mind was clouded with an invisible cloud of smoke. Emily let out a small sigh as she looked away, hoping Erwyna would recover from whatever this was on her own. "Government's not all that popular out here."
As they walked further into the station, they could hear a woman very distinctly putting up a fight. "No, you can't make me go! I know what my rights are! No, don't make me go! I don't want to go home!" She noticed the agent in the back, in particular, as the police officer dragged her out. "What are you looking at, princess?"
Ultimately, the cop in charge of this woman's custody decided to let her stay. But, she continued to fight him. She then walked up to Spencer and put her hands on his shoulders, frantically trying to protect him. "He's coming. He's coming back, and there's nothing you can do about it! Do you hear me, nothing?!" and as the cop pulled her away, an object fell from her pocket.
Erwyna stepped forward and picked up the unfamiliar item and handed it back to the woman she now knew as Jane, as the cop had addressed her. The cop tried to force Erwyna to just throw the item aside, but she ignored him and looked softly at Jane with a smile. "I believe you dropped this."
Jane thanked Erwyna as the cop continued to pull her off. Not wanting to ask questions, Erwyna just watched Jane walk off with the smile still on her face, immediately being able to tell how fragile and sensitive Jane was.
Emily, on the other hand, questioned what it was. To which, Jane brought it to her lips and began to blow.
"A psycho with a whistle, that's not too weird." Spencer sarcastically stated as he looked on, watching Jane go off.
"She's not a psycho, she's a victim," Erwyna claimed as she brushed her fingers together, still feeling the texture of the previously mentioned whistle.
"What?" Spencer questioned as both he and Emily turned their heads to look at Erwyna.
Erwyna regarded Spencer directly and clicked her tongue for a brief amount of time. "You didn't see that? How her first instinct was to fight, how she came up to you and talked about 'him,' and how attached she seemed to be to that whistle? That woman's seen some messed-up shit."
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
The three just waited patiently for the others to join them. Eventually, Garcia sent over some disgusting, yet Erwyna-proof, information. Spencer then printed out and began to hand everybody copies. "Early toxicological investigations of the victim's blood indicated high levels of ketamine."
"Ketamine is primarily a horse tranquilizer. It's also used as a date rape drug. In street lingo, it's known as being stuck in a K-hole." Hotch explained to the police surrounding him.
"So his victims were completely conscious when he killed them?" The cop, who everybody now knew as Sheriff Georgia "George" Davis, asked. "Imagine what she must have gone through."
"It's essential for this unsub that he sees the terror in his victim's eyes, that is what gets him off," Emily informed everyone.
Erwyna was still a bit stiff around Emily, and everybody could still see how evident this was. But she had improved in that aspect ever since they "met" a month ago. She could now speak around her, just still not to her that well yet.
"He's either had medical training, or he's honed his skills over the years," Hotch stated, adding to the profile.
Next, Gideon spoke up. "Look for a man in his mid-to-late fifties, highly intelligent, methodically and obsessively clean."
"His vehicle is most likely an RV muted in color, neither old nor new, in perfect working order," Emily added once again.
Derek looked amongst the detectives before him. "It will have a CB, radar detectors, and police-band radio; all these things have helped him evade you."
Erwyna took a deep breath as she spoke, delivering the first profile of her career with the BAU. "And this vehicle is his killing room. It'll-" Erwyna then trailed off before imagining her mother in the crowd smiling at her, which improved her confidence and planted a smile on her face. "It'll be soundproofed, surgical instruments are on the walls, and there's a stirrup chair or an autopsy table in it."
Gideon smiled softly at Erwyna as he began to speak. "All of his kills are recorded. If not on video, in a journal that he carries with him in his right-hand inside jacket pocket."
"How could you know that?" An unknown sheriff inquired.
"Tool marks on the remains indicate that he's left-handed." Emily returned.
Gideon finished his statement from before as he put his hands inside his own jacket pockets. "This man is void of all normal human feelings."
-
As everybody dispersed to catch this crook, Hotch walked over while Emily leaned against the doorframe, an elusive grin planted delicately on her face. She knew Erwyna wouldn't enjoy being granted such praise just for delivering a part of a profile, so she just watched over her like a proud motherbird.
"Congratulations on your first profile, Agent Torres." Hotch revered her, still maintaining the stationary look on his face.
"It was nothing," Erwyna stated as Sheriff Davis approached the agents. She had come to inform them of a connection between this unsub and Jane, the Jane Erwyna had met before.
Sheriff Davis unlocked Jane's holding cell as they all reached the doors. She walked inside first before the agents followed suit. "How are you feeling, Jane?"
Jane, seeming much calmer than before, responded, "I don't want to go home, George. Please don't make me go home."
"Jane, these people are from the FBI," Jane peered her head out from George's side to look at the four; Gideon, Prentiss, Reid, and Torres. "I'd like you to tell them your story."
"Why, so they can make fun of me too?" Jane looked away from everybody, not wanting to expose her vulnerability to such people who had the possibility of just mocking her and leaving her feeling the same as every time before; afraid and left with words unheard.
However, Erwyna walked over to Jane with a soft smile on her face. "That whistle's very pretty, did you make it?"
Jane dangled the whistle in front of Erwyna as she stated happily, "It was a gift."
Erwyna maintained her smile and nodded, seating herself beside Jane as she looked her in the eyes. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to you?"
Erwyna had this gut feeling ever since they had arrived that Jane had seen something terrible to be forced into this miserable lifestyle. Or, at least, she hoped that she had so she wouldn't have a reason to judge this poor woman.
Jane, getting everybody in the room except for Erwyna's approval, began to tell her story, feeling completely heard for the first time in a while. "My car broke down. The engine went out on me and... you know, in those days, we didn't have cellphones, so I tried to fix it myself. Then I felt a presence, and then everything went white. I was in a spaceship, and I could see myself- it was like time was suspended, I could feel everything and there were strange maps on the walls- diagrams of all the stars. I was cold- it was very, very cold. And the alien, he did things to me. He touched me very softly, and he stroked my hair, and he drew lines all over my body and the whole time, he was standing there, smiling down on me.. and then I looked into his eyes, and I wasn't afraid anymore. I don't know why."
Erwyna could feel herself start to despise the fact that she was right, that this woman had been through some messed up shit before.
"Then what did he do?" Gideon questioned from across the room.
"And then I.. was back in my own bed, and it was the next morning."
Erwyna was confused by this statement, but she didn't let it show. She knew Jane had been through something extremely traumatizing- nobody comes up with that story off the top of their head.
Emily, shaking off Jane's latest statement, asked, "How long ago did this happen?"
"I was nineteen; it was thirty years ago."
"Did you ever see him again?" Erwyna inquired, now clasping her hands together and meticulously digging one of her elongated nails into her skin at the appalling nature of Jane's story.
"Oh, I see him. I see him every time I shut my eyes." Jane said, her face dropping as the agents and Sheriff Davis exited the enclosed dungeon. Erwyna left a small mark on her palm but shook it off as she finally released her hands.
"The strange maps on the walls could have been anatomical drawings." Reid pointed out.
Emily added, "What about the fact that she could see herself?"
"A mirrored ceiling," Gideon responded, which made total sense to the agents.
Erwyna's eyes became glossy as she continued to think about Jane's story, and how Jane had ended up; a woman who everybody just assumes is psychotic just because of the way her brain was formed. But Jane just hadn't ever found a healthy way to cope with what she had gone through. "So his victims could see themselves being dismembered.." she stated as she shook her head and looked at the ground. "Poor Jane."
"Her subconscious mind has created a delusion that she was abducted by an alien," Gideon stated, joining in Erwyna's sorrow.
Emily looked at Erwyna to make sure she was okay for a second before averting her gaze to the others. "It's possible she's the only one who survived."
"Why did he let her go?" Sheriff Davis inquired.
"She said when she looked into his eyes, she felt relaxed. And in that moment, the one thing he wanted..." Erwyna started, unable to continue her thought as she looked back down the hallway they had just come from. Jane didn't deserve this- nobody deserved this, but Jane was already so fragile when she was captured. In all reality, Erwyna was now questioning if Jane would have been better off dead. Being left alive just meant that Jane was left to be either institutionalized and treated like shit, or left to torture herself all the same.
"She didn't give him," Gideon continued Erwyna's statement for her.
"Fear," Emily concluded the testimony as she subtly glanced over at Erwyna again. She was still in a state of grief over someone she hadn't lost as she continued to stare down the hallway. Emily watched over Erwyna until she finally brought herself back to reality, and all the agents headed to an RV park.
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
"We set up a nationwide tip line, but all we've really got so far is white male, mid-to-late fifties, and tall with a medium build," Hotch stated as the agents, Sheriff Davis, and another male sheriff stood in a circle near the RVs.
"From the remains discovered this morning, we know he doesn't keep his victims long. We've got more cops arriving by the hour to help find this guy. We also put out a nationwide A.P.B." Sheriff Davis advised the circle.
Derek additionally assured everybody, "If he is still in this town, and we believe he is, he has absolutely no way out."
"What are we waiting for? Let's go catch this S.O.B." The male sheriff stated as the group dispersed with Spencer, Erwyna, and Emily together. Erwyna had decided to 'put her past with Emily beside,' which both of them knew was nearly impossible for her, but she did this to stay beside Spencer. Erwyna genuinely just believed that Spencer was the nicest guy in the bureau, and he wouldn't say a single mean word to her, which is what she needed now. Emily just came as a part of the package.
They knocked on a countless amount of doors, but nobody said a word to them. Nobody in the group even said a single thing amongst themselves either. Spencer had said a few words here and there, but he never got an answer back. He'd just get small, inattentive glances from both of the women before they'd go back to succinct staring matches. They both had so much to say only meant for each other but still not wanting to say them to each other.
"To get away with murder, you simply don't tell anyone," Spencer spoke, finally achieving a response from one of the two women constantly following him.
"And the only people he told were the people he killed, and then he took from them what he needed; cash, credit cards." Emily chimed up.
"I'm gonna call Garcia and see if anything Katherine Hale owned was used after her death," Spencer said as he walked away for a few minutes, finally leaving Erwyna and Emily alone for the first time in weeks.
Emily shared a glance with Erwyna for a minute before asking, "So- is it about your mom? That look in your eyes?"
Erwyna sighed and shook her head. "I already told you that you don't get to ask about my mother, what does it matter?"
"Erwyna, I still care about you. Believe that, please. I'm only asking this because I care about you."
"You let me leave without giving me a solid answer, Emily. You couldn't choose between me and a literal terrorist. To me, that doesn't seem like 'care.' So no, I won't believe that." Erwyna declared woefully, asserting her very definite conviction about Emily as she watched Spencer return, leaving a disenchanted Emily in her midst.
-
Spencer and Erwyna began to walk along the coarse dirt with Emily lingering behind, much like earlier in the police precinct except Emily and Erwyna had now switched places.
All of a sudden, Spencer got that 'Sherlock Holmes' look on his face. "Maybe he's not using an RV. Maybe he's towing a trailer."
"That way, he could unhook and move about freely," Erwyna stated, this realization now making sense to her as well.
"He could also hide it, and that's why we can't find him."
"He's waiting for the roadblocks to clear," Emily added, now recovering from her conversation with Erwyna just moments prior. "Okay.. if he has a truck, it's gonna be just like his trailer- muted in color and American-made."
Erwyna stated, "It's going to be dark soon," honestly just trying to make small talk as Spencer nodded at her.
"Yeah, we should get back and call Gideon."
The three rushed over to their place of origination with Emily and Erwyna sharing subtle, apologetic glances with every step, which Spencer was completely oblivious to. Erwyna had picked the right group.
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
"It's clear," Derek announced as Erwyna approached the apparent crime scene, noticing the blood left on Sheriff Davis' kitchen floor.
While the male sheriff from before began to bluster about how they hadn't caught this man yet, Erwyna couldn't stop staring at the blood. It seemed so uncanny, a sheriff just being abducted at night - and god knows what else - without any witnesses. Something like this wouldn't happen in Quantico, surely somebody would live near the sheriff and speak up there.
Erwyna averted her gaze to Sheriff Davis' gun on the floor while Derek and Emily began to piece together what happened, clearing her throat as she attempted to compose herself.
"He's never taken anyone of prominence, why take the sheriff?"
Erwyna finally raised her eyes. "And not her gun..."
"Silo, call your office, see if she was planning to meet anyone," Hotch demanded, clearly wanting to get to the bottom of this.
"No way a cop would take chase without their gun. Definitely looks like she tried to make a go for it,"
Spencer added as he kneeled to sterilely pick up the syringe, "But she didn't make it."
The male sheriff approached the group again, a concerned look placed upon his face. "Guys, George brought Crazy Jane home with her."
"So, he takes control of George, then goes after what he came here for."
"Jane." Erwyna rebutted, not wanting Jane to be defined by her 'craziness' anymore. Yes, Jane had problems with her mental health even before the incident with the unsub. But Erwyna firmly believed that the reason it had gotten this bad was because of the unsub. She didn't want Jane to be defined by the very event she already defined herself by.
A moment later, JJ called Hotch to provide essential information which he then notified the rest of the group of. "Katherine Hale's cellphone just came back on in the middle of town."
"He thinks we have Jane."
"Which means he wants a trade."
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
Hotch, Emily, Spencer, and Erwyna went to Jane's house while the others headed to the location of the cellphone ping, prepared for any scenario.
As they all stood with their backs against the door, Emily looked around and noted, "Guys- these wind chimes are made of bone! I think it's human rib bones."
Spencer and Erwyna shared a horrified glance at Emily's realization as they too looked around, registering that Emily was telling the truth. These wind chimes really were made of such a thing.
-
The three junior agents examined the wind chimes while Hotch came out, audibly tense. "Completely empty, she's not here."
"Well, he's obviously been here before and left these gifts for her," Spencer remarked, turning the wind chime over in his hand.
"How romantic," Emily sarcastically expressed, to which she got a slight grimace from Erwyna- of course, Erwyna didn't view this as romantic. She just didn't believe, for some reason, that Emily had the right to judge another person's romantic ideals.
Hotch added, "His version of romance," to which Erwyna finally spoke.
"Some people just have different versions of romance, doesn't mean you should judge them. It's their lives, after all. Not ours." Erwyna looked directly into Emily's eyes, to which Emily just scoffed and looked back at her wind chime.
"You do realize you're talking about a serial killer?" Emily refuted, amused by Erwyna's attempt at showing her "hatred."
"Shut up."
Emily shook her head at Erwyna's antics as she spoke once again. "But wait- Hotch, are you trying to say that he keeps coming back here because he's in love with her?"
"That's impossible, a sexual sadist can't feel love." Spencer placed a wind chime in the box that the police officer was offering.
"Well, define love."
Erwyna averted her gaze to the wind chime in her hands as she painfully ran her gloved thumbs over it, not quite knowing what to do while Spencer spoke. "Chemically, it involves surging brain elements called monoamines, dopamines, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Love chemicals controlled by phenethylamine, also found in-"
"Chocolate! I love chocolate." Emily smiled softly as she continued to fiddle with the wind chimes, leaving a slightly forlorned Erwyna stranded with her own wind chimes as she remembered Emily's favorite type of chocolate; milk chocolate. It had always been her favorite, which explained so much; Emily melted when somebody were to touch her. It had been one of Erwyna's favorite things about Emily once upon a time, and she was extremely sweet. But at the same time, she was incapable of being bitter. She could so easily push her feelings aside and pretend that nothing existed beyond the BAU walls.
Meanwhile, Erwyna could only be bitter. She had nothing else to hold onto, and this was the one thing keeping her from crawling back to Emily. She had to be bitter so that the sweetness wouldn't seep through and cause the mutual fondness to turn sour.
"Peas, too! It's also found in peas!"
"Peas?" Emily questioned, a small smile making its resting place on her face.
"Reid? Reid, stop!" Erwyna demanded, nearly throwing the wind chime onto the ground. Of course, she knew that Spencer didn't deserve that. He's just being Spencer, it's just what he does. But at the same time, she needed a moment of peace and quiet to recollect her thoughts.
Reid began to look like a little kid who had just lost his mother in a grocery store, he had all the characteristics; quivering lip, glossy eyes, and frantically looking around to find his mommy. "You've- you've never yelled at me before."
Every single person in earshot stared at Erwyna like she were the one who had taken Sheriff Davis, their daggers just inches away from her face as she confessed. "I'm so sorry, I didn't-"
"You didn't think, we know." Emily's face turned upwards as she teased Erwyna, "One of the unspoken rules in the BAU is don't make Spencer cry. Spencer is the kid brother you don't want to upset, everybody will have your ass on a platter for it."
Erwyna glared her own daggers back at Emily, shaking her head as Hotch told the sheriffs to spread out. In the meantime, he noticed an outlandish grange in the backyard.
The FBI agents all entered the shack with a few police officers behind them, staking out this obscure barrack. The four noticed a camper just outside the shack and they scaled the side of it very carefully before entering it, still on guard.
The enclosure's stench came off immediately and as Erwyna looked around, she could barely fathom the sight; a singular bloodied rag in the sink, seeping into the once-white basin. Her mouth was agape as she looked around, additionally noticing the surgical tools and anatomical diagrams now.
"I thought I'd seen everything," Hotch commented as he too looked around this monstrosity, noting every single element before stopping his gaze just to the side of his shoe. "Guys."
Erwyna positioned her palm over her mouth as she looked down at it, her jaw still visibly dropped. "What is it?"
"It's a coffin." Hotch additionally stated as he opened the coffin, exposing the lifeless body of an unrecognizable woman, maybe in her thirties or forties.
Erwyna couldn't stop staring at the gorgeous woman, squatting down beside her and just placing her hands on her knees as she whispered, "I'm so sorry. I am so... so sorry, you didn't deserve that. You are- you deserve to be-"
While Hotch and Spencer walked over at Emily's mention of there being another coffin, Emily herself hung back to comfort Erwyna. As she placed her hand on Erwyna's shoulder, she didn't flinch. For the first time in forever, Erwyna was completely content with Emily's touch- as a matter of fact, she required Emily's touch to remain in the real world. In the real world, where men and women alike are slaughtered for no real reason other than satisfaction.
Erwyna could feel her eyes begin to water as she gently stroked the portion of the woman's hair that wasn't contaminated with her coughed-up blood. In the meantime, she whispered countless amounts of assertions of contrition. As she let a tear fall onto the frigid and insentient woman's hair, she leaned back and touched her hand to Emily's, embracing the support she now had here. The support that even if your relationship is in a state of disrepair when faced with a sorrowful situation, the other person can put all of their nonsensical sentiments aside to comfort you.
Emily smiled reassuringly at Erwyna as she finally realized that Hotch had escorted Sheriff Davis out of the other coffin and back onto solid ground. They were already heading away while Spencer was watching over Erwyna alongside Emily.
He knew that this couldn't be easy; seeing her first dead body in the field. He'd had nightmares about this for a long time when he had first started working here. Both Spencer and Emily knew almost exactly how Erwyna was feeling at the moment.
As Erwyna slowly stood up and exited the RV, Emily trailed her hand along Erwyna's shoulder before losing her grip and following after her. "Do you think she'll ever recover from this?" Emily queried, gently biting on the inside of her cheek.
"We did."
══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════
Moments like at the diner were what would prove to make the deaths at least a little easier for Erwyna; the reunifications of survivors and their loved ones. The aforementioned agents all watched on as Sheriff Davis' husband sprinted over to hug his wife.
Their hug was one that you'd only experience once in a lifetime. Of course, you didn't want to witness or be the victim in the events that led up to it, but it still proved such devotion between partners.
Such devotion was hard to come by nowadays, but Erwyna had found that once. She had found it and had neglected to realize it in the moment. Furthermore, Erwyna had decided to maintain the decision that she wouldn't search for that devotion ever again. She wouldn't be able to handle the wrath of pain that would come if she were left in silence for a third time.
That's when George finally let out that the woman Erwyna had shed, and would shed, so many tears over was her son's teacher, Annie. Annie. She had a name, not just a face.
-
Erwyna followed the other three agents to the patrol car Deputy Silo had just arrived in with Jane in the back. She smiled as large as she could at Jane through the glass, though she knew this served no purpose. For one, Erwyna couldn't put much of a smile on her face and for two, Jane had just been plucked off the streets by the human equivalent of animal control.
"Jane, he's been coming back to this town for years to see you," Hotch claimed.
"All those years? Why?"
"He says he's in love with you."
"He's in love with me? Why?!"
"He hides out in your old barn, and he watches you. And when he leaves, he leaves these wind chimes as gifts." Erwyna softly spoke, attempting to explain this absurd situation to Jane.
Jane questioned, "They're beautiful, aren't they?" as she beamed.
Erwyna thought it was exceptionally melancholic how Jane could so easily turn on a man she had just been describing as cold and conceited yesterday morning. However, Erwyna too would think this if she hadn't been shown true love before, so she tried not to judge too excessively.
"They're not beautiful, Jane. They are the remains of the people he took, tortured, and killed. He isn't an alien, your brain formed this.. sort of fantasy to cope with the fact that you were abducted by a serial killer." Erwyna maintained her comforting smile as she placed her hands on Jane's arms, not wanting her to have one of those fits she had experienced yesterday.
"But he did come for me, didn't he? Not George! He came for me, didn't he?" Jane asked as she turned out of Erwyna's grasp, glancing back at George to find comfort.
"That's what he says," Hotch stated.
"You told me to run, but I didn't want to run. I wanted to see him again, to see his eyes and see his face and I don't know- somehow it just felt like I was coming home."
Erwyna could barely believe what she was hearing come out of Jane's mouth, though she understood. She understood that feeling of coming home, even if it was bittersweet.
Just as Erwyna began to compile her thoughts, Derek and Gideon dragged the unsub they had come to know as Frank Breitkopf within the last few hours outside as he yelled, "Jane!"
Jane attempted to run towards Frank but George held her back as she exclaimed, "He has the children, Jane!"
"And we will find them," Derek assured, completely aware of any consequences that could occur if they didn't comply with Frank's wishes.
"And if we don't, they'll die of exposure!" Silo let out, visibly temperamental. "He hasn't got Tommy, George, but what if he did? Hand him over."
"Silo." George belted, knowing what was likely to happen if Frank was handed over; he wouldn't inform them of where the children were and they would stay stranded, and die alone.
"What choice do we have?"
"Not this one!"
Frank then responded, "Tell them, Jason. Tell them I'm not interested in harming children. You've studied me for years, have I ever once harmed a child? It does nothing for me. Give me Jane, and they'll have their children back."
"Is she part of this with you?" Silo questioned as Erwyna clicked her tongue in disbelief and looked over at the deputy.
"Look at her. I said look at her!" Erwyna finally got Silo's attention as he looked at Jane. "She's not a part of anything. She's as much, if not more so his victim as you are."
"With Jane in my life, I will never harm another human being," Frank remarked, this likely being the most honest thing he had told the agents all day.
"Take me with you, Frank. Just you and me." Gideon responded, somewhat satisfied with this outcome- it wasn't the best, but to him, it was the only one that had a possibility of stopping Frank for good.
"And my Jane?"
"You'll take me to where the kids are?"
"Happily," Frank bellowed, more than pleased to be closing this deal. For the small price of fifteen schoolchildren surviving, he'd get Jane. To him, this was the perfect deal. "I couldn't have that on my conscience." The three then began to walk away. "I will take a vehicle of my choice. Jason will drive. Once I'm satisfied no one is following, I will take Jason to where I have the children. He will then call. If anyone follows, the story will end in tears."
As the three drove away, Erwyna watched on while she stood in between George and Emily, longing for Jane to be safe. She didn't deserve to go through any more trauma, even if they did just send her to live with a serial killer. Erwyna wanted Jane to be happy, even if that meant being a murderer's muse.
-
A while later, Erwyna stared into the sunset as she watched Gideon and Hotch walk down together, while Emily strolled up to her. "Hey.."
Erwyna shuddered a bit but just stood there, ever so slightly turning her head towards Emily. "Jane deserved help."
Emily watched Erwyna's facial movements for a minute before nodding and looking out at the horizon as well. "You can't save everyone, J-" Emily, realizing her grave mistake in word choice, fixed it. "Erwyna."
Erwyna decided to shake off the nearly misspoken word as nothing while the two remained in silence for a minute. As she could see Hotch and Gideon turning around to come back, she whispered faintly to Emily. "My mom died. She died a year ago yesterday, and I'm still not over it."
Emily looked directly at Erwyna as she spoke delicately, an equally delicate look placed on her face. "I'm so sorry, I- I didn't know."
Erwyna chuckled softly as she kept her eyes focused on the sunset, not wanting to give herself any chance at all to crawl back to Emily. "How could you have?"
Emily shrugged while she looked at the grieving daughter compassionately. "I don't know, I just... you could have told me."
Erwyna shook her head as she turned to walk away. "No, I couldn't have." She removed the artificial smile from her face before Emily called out after her.
"Hey- by the way, that's not just something you get over. It takes time."
With a small smile, Erwyna looked over her shoulder at Emily, though the jaded sensation still filled the Emily-sized hole in her heart. The hole that Erwyna herself had partially caused, though she didn't want to admit it. And what she knew was that no matter what she did, that hole had only one fix; a fix that Erwyna had pledged many moons ago to never exercise ever again.
─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
A/N
there will most likely be a bigger gap in between this chapter and the next chapters because they go hand-in-hand!! i'll still try to get them out ASAP of course :)
these chapters are so long, I apologize sincerely <3
word count (7462) 😭