[Trigger Warning. This chapter contains content that may be harmful to some readers. This chapter contains mentions and depictions of the following: self harm, abuse, drug abuse, torture, sexual assault, suicidal ideation and more.]
"How long have you known?" She finally spoke as she sat down on the sidewalk.
I moved and sat down beside her.
"That I'm Klaus's kid?" I looked at her as I asked.
She nodded. I sighed.
"The Salvatore House. Damons thoughts, and he wasn't exactly quiet either." I moved around a rock with my foot. "Then I went and accidentally summoned them in a dream world...."
"You created a dream world?"
I rubbed the back of my neck. "It wasn't really mine. I think it was Elijah's dream. I just entered it and brought Klaus and Bex into it... Honestly probably coulda been killed by Klaus's temper if Elijah wasnt there. Not that I can be killed, I sure as hell have tried before..." I picked up the pebbled as I looked over it, there was some gemstone inside glinting off the streetlight. "Unless its like compulsion and I can only be killed by one of them... But they seem keen on keeping me alive so that plans a bust..."
"Nikolai James." Nyx scolded gently as she moved to kneel in front of me.
I moved my gaze to hers. "What do you mean youve tried before?"
Her voice was soft, softer than I had ever heard her before. I averted my gaze as I looked back down at the rock in my hand.
"Nik... Have you attempted," She paused for a moment. "Suicide... Have you tried to take your own life?"
I let out a breath, nodding slightly.
"Have you been harming yourself?" She asked gently as she watched me.
"Why does it matter... I cant be killed..." I broke the rock open in my hands.
It was a small quartz geode. My eyes changed to a violet color as I magicked the stone into a necklace.
"Nikolai.... Have you recently attempted or harmed yourself in any way?"
I magicked the necklace away to Carolines room as my eyes returned to normal. "Depends on you definition of harm..." I spoke softly.
"Nikolai," she warned, her tone a bit more stern.
I sighed. "Yes okay... Yes I have... Wolfsbane, vervaine, magic... anything you can think of I've done or attempted it.... Except drugs... Human drugs dont work the same... I mean Ive tried human drugs before but my supernatural blood doesnt mix with it, my magic instantly dispels it... And my healing keeps me alive for the most part... If my heart stops I just end up waking up a few hours later... Hell ive had my heart ripped out and it didn't kill me... I just woke up half a day later..."
"Those notebooks of yours you have spelled so no one can read them..."
I froze as she said this. How had she even found my books? Had she gone through my roon? I had a lot of hidden spaces in my room.
"You went through my stuff?..."
THis time she averted her gaze. So she had gone through my stuff. Why would she do that? I never gave her any reasons to. Have I?
"Why did you go through my stuff?..."
"I was worried. You try to hide it, but Ive noticed the changes in your behavior lately." She spoke as she looked back at me. "I wanted to make sure you weren't getting into something you would regret."
"If I was I wouldn't keep evidence in my house... I'm not stupid..."
'Are you involved in anything like that?"
"No. I'm not. Unless you know of any underground fight rings I can join again."
"Hold up, you used to participate in fight rings?"
"Had to make money somehow... Before you found us... And the first year we were here... But that place got raided so I haven't participated in fights in a long time..."
"Why did you participate? Was it just for money?"
"Not at first... Well never really... I never kept the money. Just enough for food or to pay a debt.... Afterwards it was more the thrill of the fight... And if I got my ass beat then well, it was deserved... Pain is... Addicting. Grounding... I miss it sometimes... the thrill of a life or death fight..."
I leaned back against my arms. "And its not safe for me to go to any actual gyms or anything like that... I cant punch a human full force without potentially killing them... Hell even most vampires I cant fully fight with without it..."
"Is this something you think would help with things? If we found a safe way for you to let off steam and work through things with fighting?" She spoke aloud as she moved to sit beside me again.
I looked at her. "How? Sparring?... Its not the same... Wonder if I can get Klaus to fight me... Or Elijah... Theres definitely some underlying anger issues with him too. He hides it better..."
"You want them to beat you up?" Nyx asked incredulously as she looked at me.
"Oh theyd have to try. I can hold my own just fine. You've seen me fight... Hell you've had to rope me back in after Ive lost control..."
"You were also 14 years old. And I don't know what youve been through but the scars you carry tell enough." She answered.
I winced slightly. She was one of the few people who had fully seen my scars. I usually used magic to hide them. Hell even Caroline hadn't seen them. I made extra sure to use my magic to hide things like that.
"Thank you.... For never pushing it... Pushing me about it I mean..."
She gently ruffled my hair, I instinctively leaned into the touch. I looked at her before looking back at the house.
"Lets get back inside alright? You need sleep."
I nodded as we stood up. Letting out a breath as I looked back to the house. I had been pushing their voices and thoughts out of my head. Connors thoughts were blocked. Good. I didnt want to hear his thoughts ever again.
I walked behind Nyx as we went back up to the house. Right before we got to the door she held her hand out to me.
"Hand em over before we go inside." She spoke as she turned to look at me.
"What?"
"The cigarettes Nikolai."
I sighed and dug them out of my pocket handing them to her. "Thats unfair... Its not like their wolfsbane or vervain cigs..."
"Have you smoked those kinds before?"
"Would you believe me if I said no?"
"Not really."
"Then yeah I have. Theyre made diluted so theyre as harmful as cigarettes are to humans... Unless you make em yourelf then you can control the potency."
"If youre gonna be a cop youre gonna wanna stop these little habits. Especially around Liz." She spoke as she ruffled my hair again.
"What the humans dont know wont kill them. Atleast in this instance."
"Yeah speaking of, was any of that true? The stuff you told her."
I shook my head. "Not a bit. Aside from me killing vamps before. And me being attacked. I was just a witch once upon a time. Before the other genes kicked in from my death."
She nodded as she looked at me. "If you can't sleep come see me alright? I'd rather you be with me then stay alone."
I let out a breath. "Are you putting me on watch?..."
"I didnt say that."
"Am I going to get a call later from three worried immortals about this?..."
"As much as I don't want to talk to them, they are your family Nikolai... I swore to myself when I took you three in that I would protect you. Youre my kids. I don't take that title lightly bud. If that means I need to play nice with the Mikaelsons then I will because you are worth it."
I let out another breath as she opened the door at this. Shoving my hands in my pockets to stop the shaking as his scent met me again. He was everywhere. The whole house smelled like him. I tried to stop the panic that rushed me as I walked through the hall to the kitchen.
I went to get some blood from the fridge, but he stopped me as he walked in. No one else was downstairs. Nyx had gone to her office and closed the door. I could hear Skye and Riv upstairs in their rooms. I slowly turned to him as he walked over to me. I flinched as he raised his hand, causing him to smirk as he cupped my face.
I growled lowly at him, but he just smiled.
"Your room. Twenty minutes." He spoke as his hand trailed from my face down my neck and chest.
Dread filled me.
"Connor I don't..."
"Did I give you permission to speak?" His tone was icy. "You will be punished for killing me. And for your indiscretions for the past three years. Or have you forgotten your rules already."
"Babe?" Skyes voice sounded from the doorway.
Connor moved to open the fridge as I took a step back. Skye yawned as she walked into the kitchen. She walked over to us as she wrapped her arms around Connnor from behind. He smiled, his gaze turning to me for a moment before he turned and kissed her.
I let out another growl. They broke apart as Skye blushed and Connor smirked.
"Cmon Nikki, you kiss Caroline all the time." I bit my tongue to stop from making a reaction at the nickname. It was his fault I hated it.
"Thats different." I grumbled.
She shook her head as she moved and ruffled my hair. I looked at her for a moment. She seemed okay. He hadnt hurt her yet. I looked back over at him and his gaze darkened.
"You don't have to be so protective of me. Nyx gave the okay already."
I looked back at her. "Can't help it. Youre my sister. I wanna make sure youre safe and that the guys you date treat you right."
"I promise I will treat her like the queen she is." Connor spoke as he moved back to Skye's side, a bloodbag in his hand as he wrapped his other around her shoulders.
His gaze held a warning. I watched him with her for a moment. "Alright. BUt if you hurt her I will kill you."
Skye rolled her eyes as she flicked my forehead. I pouted slightly as she did.
"Ignore him, babe. Lets go back to bed. Goodnight Nik."
"Night sis..." I spoke softly as I watched them leave.
I stood alone in the kitchen. I hadn't had blood in a while. But I knew now with Connor here, I had to play by the rules. He would find out if I had without his permission. But I also can't let anyone else know about my past. I have to play the part. Maybe if I keep playing the part I can get closer to finding out how to be rid of him.
I sighed and left to my room. I couldnt run from this. He was back and I had to deal with the consequences of my turning him. If I try to go against him he will use Skye and my new family against me. He could hurt them and he could hurt my friends. Caroline. I knew that this was bad. Really bad. But I had to deal with this. Him being alive is my fault. I killed him. Now he was back and things would have to go back to how they were before.
I felt sick. As soon as my door closed, I rushed to my bathroom. Puking up what little food I had left in my system. All the emotions I had spent the last three years trying to hide had been bubbling to the surface since his appearance. I thought I was finally free.
I rinsed my mouth out at the sink and looked at my reflection. I let out a small broken laugh. Yeah right. Like I would ever be free of him. He made sure even if he was dead I would be stuck with the memories. The reminders of what he did. What I am.
I froze at the sound of my bedroom door opening. His scent filled my room. I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard him close the door, and the smell of sage burning filled the room. Then teh sounds of the world around us went silent as well, a silencing spell. I let out a breath before opening my eyes again, meeting his gaze as he stood behind me.
"Do you know why I'm here?"
"To... Punish me..."
He smiled as he moved behind me, pushing me against the sink as his hands caged me in.
"Yes, you deserve to be punished. And you will get your due punishments. Now, I plan to make your life a living hell. You thought it was bad before?" He laughed as his hands went to my waist, pulling me back against him, "You have no idea how bad it will be for you now." his mouth moved against my neck as I felt the familiar sting of fangs piercing my neck.
He moved his hands, ripping the jeans from my body, his own pajama pants falling to the floor as he forced himself into me. I bit into my lip, drawing blood as he drank from me and used my body. Stars started to dot my vision as he continued to drain me.
"Connor please..." I all but whispered as he reluctantly released himself from my neck.
His nails dug into my hips as he continued to use me. My vision blurred in and out of focus as I tried to keep upright. He had taken more blood than I realized. After a few more moments he pulled away from me and moved to the shower and turned it on.
"Get in." He spoke as he removed the rest of his clothes.
I let out a breath and removed my shirt. It was already sticky with blood from my neck. I slowly moved and got into the shower. The water was ice cold. He got in behind me and before I could move, I felt white hot pain in my side.
My vision cleared at the pain as I looked down to see a blade sticking from my side. I moved to touch it, but he grabbed my wrist, pushing me against the shower wall. I groaned as my back hit the tile and he removed the blade. Blood instantly began to come from the wound, the white tile being tainted red. The water tinged a reddish orange as my blood ran down the drain.
I felt myself slipping as my vision began to darken again. My legs giving out. He caught me easily.
"Not so fast." He fed me some of his blood as I felt my energy returning. "If you pass out on me I'll hurt Skylar."
I froze as he spoke. "We have all night. Youre punishments start now."
He covered my mouth to muffle my scream as he shoved his hand into my chest, ripping out one of my ribs as more blood splattered agaisnt the white of the shower. I didn't even feel his blade enter my body again as he lodged it into my shoulder, the blade piercing through my bone and imbedding into the shower wall.
"Now youre gonna stand here and take every punishment like the good little slut you are, and youre going to thank me." He growled out as he started to use my body again.
I choked down the blood that had risen in my throat. "Why here... the basement is better for shit like this... We have a whole set up for full moons..."
"Oh dont worry, the basement will be utilized for other punishments. For now though, you belong to me. Your body is mine. Now shut up."
He continued to torture and use me for what felt like an eternity.He left me slumped in the shower after a few hours. Blood was everywhere. I felt numb. After a moment, I forced myself to stand, using the wall to stabilize myself as my vision blurred more.
With the flick of my wrist, the blood cleared from the walls and curtains. I finally shut the water off as I got out. Blood dripped from all over my body, new wounds all over.
I shakily dug out the medical supplies. I kept a stock, usually for self inflicted injuries. I magicked everything into the air as I took mental stock of my injuries. The biggest one was the gaping wound in my chest. Too big to properly stitch. I looked at the supplies as they floated around me. Grabbing what I could, I bandaged and wrapped that wound as tightly as possible. Moving next to the one on my shoulder.
This one I could atleast stitch up. I used a spell as I guided the needle and thread magically with the help of my reflection to get the backside of my shoulder before I moved and stitched the front side.
My phone rang from the floor where it still stayed in the pocket of my now ruined jeans. I bent down to pick it up, ignoring the wave of pain and nausea from the movement. And ignoring my rib bone that was sat on the bathroom floor. I answered it as I set it on the counter, the sage was still burning and the silencing spells were still up.