Nagising ako kinabukasan nasa kama na ako. We are hugging each other and he's still asleep. Gumalaw ako at inabot ang cellphone ko sa side table, he pull me closer to him.
"It's early." His voice is still sleepy.
"I need to go."
"Maaga pa, ihahatid kita Mamaya." At siniksik pa ang sarili saakin. "I wish I could hug like this every morning when I wake up."
I want it too, I wish it too but there are things that we want but we can't have maybe in the right time will do.
"Don't worry, soon we will be hugging each other like this at hindi natin kailangang magtago." Well, in his family side okay lang naman pero siyempre sa side ko hindi because I was a girl.
"Let's buy condo near our school." He suggested pero hindi pa din pwede. "Or should I say, I'll buy and we will live together."
"Shadrach, we can't live together alam mo naman na hindi pa pwede e."
He chuckled. "You know I can feed you, I can give you home I can give what you want... We can live together Zeyn."
"Alam ko naman yon pero we're still young there will be right time for that okay?" I rubbed his hair.
"Okay, I won't say anything na."
After cuddling we went downstairs nasa dining room na sila at naghahanda na naman para sa breakfast.
"Good morning, tita... Good morning guys." Bati ko.
Ngumiti ngiti si shayder ng iba. "Good morning, lovebirds parang puyat kayo a."
"Oo nga, pero parang maganda ang gising." At isa pa tong Kent na to.
"Will you stop, Shayder and Kent? You're thinking too much... Mga utak niyo talaga." Irap ko.
Nakangiti lang si Shadrach na nagsasandok ng pagkain ko.
"How was your sleep, ijha?" Bati ba naman si tita?
"Titaaa..."
They laughed. "What? I'm just asking here." Natatawang sabi ni tita Amanda.
"Kayo po talaga." After breakfast ay nagpaalam ako ay uuwi na.
"Come again, ijha. You're always welcome here."
"Opo, dadalawin ko po kayo sa susunod." I kiss her cheeks. "Una na ako, kryler, Kent at Shayder pakisabi na din kay ate krisha na nauna na ako."
"Bye, sister in law!" Sigaw pa ni Shayder.
Nakangiti akong pumasok sa passenger seat ng sasakyan ni Shadrach hanggang sa nagmaneho na siya. I can't just stop smiling because of his family na talagang tinanggap ako.
"You're family is great Shadrach." Sambit ko at tumingin sa kanya.
"They are, and I'm so happy that they treated you like a family kasal na lang talaga ang kulang." Masyado siyang nag iisip sa future.
"Naku, matagal pa yan."
"Malapit na yan zeyn, after you graduate papakasalan na kita."
How this man can be sure of me? Can be sure that we are meant to be? I'm not saying na hindi ako sigurado sa kanya but there are some case na nagpaplano ng future but ended up in a break up. I just want us to enjoy what we had now kasi tadhana naman ang huhusga kung kami talaga.
"You're very sure to me..." I stated.
"Yes, because I know in my heart thay you're the one I don't want other zeyn just you... Why you're not sure to me?"
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. "I love you, Shadrach." I don't want to answer him. Things can change in a minute at hindi natin alam ang mangyayari sa susunod na araw.
"Tita, good afternoon po." Bati níya kay mommy. "Good afternoon, zerl." Sa kuya ko naman na masama na naman ang tingin habang naka upo sa sofa.
"Good afternoon, ijho. Thank you for sending my daughter home."
"It's my job/ it's his job mom." Sabay na sabi ni Shadrach at kuya. "And you can leave now, Shadrach." Ani kuya.
"Zerl you're so rude. Act based on what I taught you." Sita ni mommy. "I'm sorry ijho."
"It's okay po."
"Mom, uuwi na po si Shad." Singit ko. Iba na kasi talaga ang kilos ni kuya, sumusobra na siya. "Shad, call me when you're home."
He kissed me in my forehead before leaving. "Bye, love."
"Bye, take care. Ingat sa pagdadrive."
As soon as Shadrach leave ay pinaupo ako ni kuya, mag uusap daw kami ng masinsinan na akala mo e ang laki ng kasalanan ko.
"Bakit ba kuya." Naiinis na ako.
"Simula nung naging kayo ganyan kana."
"Anong ganyan? What I am doing?"
"Yan, you're always there! Dun sa bahay nila at hindi mo man lang maisip na walang kasama si mommy dito. See, every weekend you were there halos tumira kana don."
"Zerl, stop it anak."
"No mommy! Masyado niyo kasing kinakampihan yan e kaya nagkakaganyan." Wow ah! He's just overreacting! Masyado niyang palinapalaki ang issue.
"Will you please stop overreacting kuya! Masyado ka ng nangengealam yet I didn't get involves on your things."
"Ganun? Masyado akong nangengealam? I'm overreacting? Sige magmula ngayon wala ng pakialamanan!" He shouted.
"I said stop!" Bulyaw din ni mommy. "Can't you here me? Wala na ba akong karapatan na bumoses nilang Ina niyo?" Mommy is mad and since I came in mind ay hindi ko pa siya nakitang nagalit ng ganito. "You are siblings tapos kayo pa ang mag aaway? Kayo... Kayo na lang ang meron ako." And now she started to cry and I hate it. "Kayo na lang tapos mag aaway away pa kayo? Zerl you're the older and you should understand your sister alam kong prinoprotektahan mo lang siya but anak, she's now a lady and give her a freedom may tiwala naman tayo sa kanya and I know that she will never do things na hindi nararapat."
"I'm just being concerned mommy."
"Yes, I know that son pero hayaan mo ang kapatid mo she how to think what's best for her." Mommy holds my hand. "And zeyn, hindi dahil binibigyan ka ng kalayaan ay sasagarin mo na. Ijha, we love you that's why we give you freedom with a limitations at sana naman makinig ka minsan sa kuya he's just thinking about what's good for you. Mahal na mahal ko kayo at ayokong nakikita ko kayong nag aaway tayo na lang ang magkakasama ngayon and we should respect and love each other just like before."
"I'm sorry, Mmy." Kuya said at umalis mommy called him pero hindi na siya lumingon pa.
"I'm sorry Mommy."
Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at niyakap ako. "Naging masama ba akong Ina? Bakit parang I felt like I didn't took care of you while you were growing maybe nagkulang ako sa pag alaga."
"No, mommy. You're more than anything you gives us love at hindi ka po nagkulang."
Hinanap niya ako. "Ijha, is it okay if I'll permission to you?"
Huh? For what?
"Bakit po?" Kinakabahan ako.
"Uhm, your tita Marga wants me to go in her place remember sa new Zealand? I just want a break I was very exhausted this last few months dahil sa nangyari and she wants me to chill and relax for the mean time i already said to your kuya and he told me na okay lang naman daw and I want to ask permission to you too."
Parang hindi ko kayang umalis si mommy I felt like I was so empty without her at mawawalan ako ng kakampi. "Mommy do you really want to go?"
Tumango siya. "Just a week anak, ayaw mo ba?"
I pouted and hug her again. "I want pero parang hindi ko kaya na wala ka mommy e. Pero for your mental health naman po and I don't want you stress you more."
"Anak, it's okay if you don't want I'll stay here na lang okay? Don't worry I'll be fine."
Umiling ako. "No, mommy. Okay lang po tsaka uuwi ka din naman po diba?"
"Yes anak."
Pumayag ako sa gusto ni mommy at umalis nga siya. I don't what happened next basta ang alam ko ay hindi umuwi si mommy at isang buwan na siya doon tita Marga said na.... "Hayaan mo muna ang mommy ijha, just give her a break." Tita Marga knows about sa annulment nila daddy and mommy kaya siguru ay ayaw pa niyang pauwiin.
"Just take care of her na lang po tita."
"I will ijha."
Isang buwan na hindi umuwi si kuya dito sa bahay at ganun din si zurl. I don't know what happened to them. Kuya was living on his friend's condo at talagang hindi na ako kinausap kahit na nagkikita kami sa school he's acting like walking ice berg kung tratuhin ako.
I called zurl pero hindi ako sinasagot. Napatawag kasi ako sa dean's office ng university na hindi na daw pumapasok si zurl at nakikita daw nilang nagbabanda.
One time I went to his gig at kinausap about his study.
"Bakit ba ate? Ito na ang gusto ko ngayon will you just please support me with this?"
"Zurl kasi... Sayang yung pag aaral mo paano na ang future mo pag hindi ka nagpatuloy sa pag aaral? Ayaw nina mommy na ganyan ang ginagawa mo."
"What? Are they care about us? About me? Can't you see iniwan tayo ng mga magulang natin wala na silang pakialam saatin ate hindi mo ba gets?"
"That's not true zurl!" Gusto kong umiyak dahil sa sinasabi niya saan niya nakuha ang ganyang ideya? Anong nakain niya? "That's not true zurl they loves us. Lumayo lang si mommy kasi she wants to breathe she wants to relax her mind dahil sa nangyari this past few months she didn't left us."
"Really? Well I don't care anymore! Just support me katulad ng pagsuporta saakin ni kuya-"
"What do you mean? He supports you on your band kesa pabalikin sa pag aaral?" I cut him off.
"Yes! And you should do the same kasi wala kang ibang choice. I love what I am doing now, nawawala ang mga iniisip kong mapait whenever I'm singing for people ate... This is my escape."
"Zurl... Please as your sister I want you back on your study."
"I'm sorry I can't and please leave me."
Luhaan akong umalis doon. Naiinis ako kay kuya he supports him kahit alam niyang makakasama sa pag aaral niya does he thinking?
"Kuya!" I shouted when his friend let me in sa tinutuluyan niyang condo. Nakikitira na siya dito since nung nag away kami at hindi na talaga umuwi sa bahay.
Nabigla siya pero inirapan ako. "What are you doing here?"
"I went to zurl's gig. I talked to him na bumalik na siya sa pag aaral niya but he refused."
"Then?" Arg!
"Kaya pala ayaw niya dahil you supported him! Hinayaan mo siyang gawin yon kahit alam mong masisira ang pag aaral niya? How could you? You're the older pero you're not suit on that place."
"Can you please let him do what he wants zeyn, he's old may sarili na siyang pag iisip if he wants to band just let him."
Wala siyang kwentang kausap.
"Oh my god kuya!" His friend was silent. "Do you hear yourself? You think okay lang yun? I'm concerned about his study pero ikaw? Sinuportahan mo pa talaga sa maling gawain?"
"Don't ever tell that he's thing was bad zeyn hindi mo alam kung paano niya nakakalimutan ang problema niya dahil sa banda na yon. You know nothing."
"Oo na! He didn't do anything bad pero sinisira niya ang kinabukasan niya dahil don!"
Umiling siya. "Just leave! Nakakahiya sa mga barkada ko. I don't want to see you anymore bugging about that thing." He force me to leave.
Umuwi ako sa bahay na hinang hina. Iniisip ko kung bakit nagkaganito ganito lahat nga bagay.
Weeks past na mag isa ako sa bahay then I woke up one ay birthday ko na. Bumaba ako hagdan, tahimik ang bahay my eyes went to living room kung saan kami madalas mag bonding na magpapamilya before and then the TV and sofa kung saan kami umuupo pag nanonood kami.
My tears fall I continue to walk then I saw the ding room and dining table kung saan kami kumakain ng sabay noon and the kitchen where mom and I used to cook.
I miss them, I miss them so much.