He loved her.God.How he loved her.
Tommy's whole demeanour, his whole self is a product of pain. The entirety of his aura speaks volumes, just a mere second in his company is more than enough to view the underlying trauma that stems within him, his aura speaks volumes yet is equivalent to a simple whisper, barely any words need to be spoken to understand that he's a shadow of the boy he used to be.
Learning is a gift even when pain is your teacher.
The simple story of Tommy's life, inevitably with learning comes mistakes, something Tommy struggled to deal with, mistakes and losses.
It eats at him, consumes his every thought, intensifies his urges to be on top. At all Times.
Losses have never been a foreign concept to Tommy, they've just been unpleasant and aggravating.
However it didn't just sting to experience a loss this time round,it pained him to know that,
Charlotte Windsor had been his biggest loss of all.
Behind the pain in his eyes was a small fire that burnt, a small flame that kept the ghost of his old self alive, it required constant relighting to restrain itself from blowing out, the lighter in need only belonged to one person and one person only, Charlotte.
The only Woman that had the power to reinforce that Tommy, the only women that had the power to bring a smile to his face, the only women that could have him begging, the only women who's presence is significant to who he is a person.
Significance alone is an understatement.
It was clear he loved her, clear as a summer day, and she loved him.
A Fact Tommy couldn't always wrap his head around, since returning from the war it was so easy for him to create his own narrative that he was unloveable. It was what fuelled his decisions the past two years, no calls, no fight, only one apology because he couldn't hurt her from a distance. Even if grace didn't happen, they wouldn't have lasted because he doesn't deserve her, she's a good person and he's Tommy Shelby.
He believed that leaving her was the absolute rightful thing to do because it meant she could remove herself from the deluded state she was in when she said she loved him, it wasn't possible, after the war, he was unloveable.
And that was final.
However, since their re involvement in each other's lives, Tommy came to understand the depths of his love for her a little bit better. She loved him, she didn't love the name, the reputation, the Shelby good looks, she loved him, he was loved on purpose.
~
The night of Charlotte's show, The 43 Soho.
Hurt, the only word that could describe what he was feeling as he listened to the words that fell from her mouth.
Because nothing makes me happier, and nothing makes me sadder, than you.
Although he was aware her words were from an irrational state, and hyper aware she was under an incredibly false delusion that he had voluntarily been under the flirtatious touch of another women. It still hurt, more so because he knew the words to be true, he didn't just know, in-fact it was something that kept him awake at night.
Over the two years they were separated, Tommy tortured himself every single night without fail reliving the night she left, vividly remembering the pure hurt that didn't just fall from the tears in her eyes but lingered there, her vibrant eyes that held little to no entity within them.
All they did was accommodate her sobs, displaying a broken-hearted girl.
In them nights, he'd often think of his mother and what she would be thinking of all this. He knew full well she wouldn't be happy, his mother was always fond of Charlotte, so much so they would joke that she loved her more then her own. Not just because of the wonderful girl she was but because of the undeniable love she had for her son, her tommy. He knew she'd say he was absolutely foolish, losing a beautiful soul like Charlotte, who adored him.
Perhaps she would believe it was a good thing, after all it meant Charlotte could go and achieve her dreams and that she did. That exact thought made the thought of them two ever rekindling a slightly unpleasant one for Tommy, only because it reinforced his narrative that Charlotte really was better off without him, that he was no good for her, unfortunately for him however,he knew full well that he'd have to hold a lot of self control to withdraw himself from returning back to her if he ever had the option to, the one and only time Tommy Shelby wouldn't be the master of resistance.
Deep down however, he knew what his mother would really be thinking, you can both go off and pursue your dreams that lead you to the top of your own personal empires, business and showbiz but really it all means nothing if you don't have each other.
"Charlotte please, listen to me" Tommy rasped, "i pulled away as soon as she done that, you must of looked away just before" he added, evidently growing stressed at the miscommunication.
"can you blame me?" she spoke through the slight furrow of her eyebrows. "Lottie you have to understand,i would never do that again" he spoke, internally wincing at the last word. "how can i trust you?" she questioned her voice cracking as she did so. Sighing heavily in return "charlotte i am so sorry for what i did, in-fact i've never regretted something so much, i've done a lot of bad things yet hurting you will always be at the top of my list." he rasped, sighing once more. "but.. but charlotte this will never work if you can't trust me" he finished, noticing how her eyes very slightly glazed over. "do you love me?"
she deadpanned, clearly displaying her own internal doubts. Frowning instinctively at her words, his jaw clenched minimally. "course i do, i'm a different fucking person when i'm around you" he admitted, softening his expression. "but-?"
"you think i want to be with anyone else?" he snapped. "you think i want to see you with anyone else?" he sighed, instantly regretting how he raised his voice slightly, however she knew it hadn't been frustration towards her but rather towards the situation itself.
Biting her lip, she pondered on what to say, how to say it. "i love you charlotte, but we either do this or we don't." he spoke just over a whisper, internally praying she doesn't pick the latter.
Rising to her tiptoes, she placed her hand on his jaw pulling him towards her and placing her lips on his, a kiss he was eager to return.
Pulling away ever so slightly, she met his gaze. "we're doing this, but break my heart again Thomas and i'll break yours worse then you can imagine." she chuckled, watching as a light laugh left his lips.
"come with me" she whispered.
Stood on the rooftop of the Club she was due to be performing at very soon, the pair let their eyes wander over the probably only pleasant view of London.
"the view is so pretty" she spoke, as her hair blew ever so slightly in the light wind, a small smile on her face.
"yes it is" he whispered,while observing her features.
Through the slight crack in the door stood a group of people who couldn't help but watch the pair,minimally in awe.
Thomas Shelby, a cold, notorious Birmingham gangster,has a heart.
The Times
The Shelby Princess.
"Charlotte Windsor accompanied by Notorious Gangster Thomas Shelby on the night of one of her performances in The 43 Soho, the courageous first appearance of the pair takes the city by storm as controversy's strike. Are they first time lovers or Childhood sweethearts?. What we do know is the pair are deeply in love, their shared glances portraying just that."
Arthur chuckled, placing the paper down on the table after reading the headline to his brother. "i'm happy for you brother, but do you think this is a good idea?" he questioned, referencing to the publicity. "it's inevitable" tommy shrugged, pouring a glass of whiskey.
"is it?" he prospered, furrowing his brows. "that's her life now, he loves her and will put up with it if it comes with being with her" polly nonchalantly replied, making her presence known.
Releasing an amused nod at how his aunt hit the nail on the head, he met his brothers gaze which held a very similar smirk. "well brother, i'm just warning ya that your gonna have eyes on ya from now on" Arthur shrugged, pouring himself a whiskey.
"i know" tommy nodded once again, diverting his attention to the door that had just slammed.
"anyone seen Lottie? we're meant to be going to the pictures" john questioned,nicking the slice of bread and jam pol had made for finn.
"she's at the garrison, went to see harry" tommy responded, not lifting his head from the paper. In a matter of seconds a small smirk had been plastered over his little brothers face.
"how do you bloody know that?" he chuckled, watching as minuscule amused looks plastered everyone else's as-well. "i told ya" Arthur snickered,referring to how he always protested the pair would end up back together. "you owe me 20 bob" Arthur added, his own smile widening as johns decreased rapidly.
"stop making bets on your brothers love life, will you?" polly intervened, however there was clear amusement behind her tone. "come on then Arthur, ill get ya a drink up the pub" he spoke, walking towards the door, Arthur in suit. "when was the last time we paid for a drink" he scoffed, slamming the door on his way out, leaving an undoubtedly amused Tommy.
Later on that same evening, the garrison was fairly busy, occupied by of course the Shelby's alongside everyone who had returned from St. Andrews.
"America isn't all that" Charlotte chuckled. "i suppose i prefer home" she added, growing tired at all the questions that had been fired at her since she walked in. "give the poor girl a break" polly smiled, evidently deterring the men away from their curious interrogation. "thanks pol" she laughed, offering her a drink which she gladly took. "i'm really glad to see you genuinely happy again, love." polly's eyes danced with happiness, aswell as accompanying an i told you so expression. Before anyone else could utter a word the pub fell to silence, informing everyone of who just walked in. Although Polly didn't need that to be made aware of who walked in, she knew the second Charlotte's eyes met his. Even with her back towards him.
"i'll let you go see him love" polly smirked, as charlotte's cheeks turned slightly rosy. Kissing pol on the cheek, she rose from her seat, her presence being replaced by Esme instead who watched as the pair spoke.
"you know,you can see in his eyes the love he feels for her, some people may have issues in believing in soulmates, but when you look at Tommy and Charlotte, it's hard not to believe" Esme spoke, breaking the silence and diverting her attention away from them and back to polly.
"they found their way back to each other after all."
"You know Tommy, someone once told me you always end up where your meant to be, and this is where i'm meant to be, with you" she spoke just above a whisper, watching as a small smile of contentment plastered his face whilst he gently removed a strand of her hair out of her face. "me and you against the world Lottie" he winked, smiling at how she blushed slightly, glancing to the floor. Lifting her head up by her chin, he leant down placing a loving but tender kiss on her lips.
Unbeknownst to the pair, they had,had an audience, each and every Shelby wearing their own relieved and overjoyed smile.
War was Over.
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