Written: March 18, 2024
After a few weeks of North panicking about the wedding, South Korea pulling North's leg, and Japan throwing medicine textbooks at them, a date for the wedding is determined. North will get married in May. I walk down the streets of Naha, passing by the buzz of tall buildings and small businesses. Out of the blue, my ears pick up three familiar voices.
"Whad'ya think'll happen to Lester?" Camp Kinser's elderly gravelly voice asks. America's bases are here. Curious, I take a peek around the corner. Camp Kinser, Camp Foster, and Torii Station are sitting at a table outside a cafe.
Camp Kinser is the oldest of them. He's green with red and gold outlines. In the center of his face, is a torii gate with the US Marine coat of arms resting in front.
Across from him is Camp Foster, or Zukeran. He is a white flag with a blue outline. In gold words, the blue trimming reads, "Marine Corps Base. Camp Smedley D. Butler." In the center of his flag is a bright red torii gate, just like Kinser.
Beside him, sits the unsmiling Torii Station. His face is black with the US Army star in the center. Behind it is a white and gold torii gate.
I listen in on their conversation. Camp Foster takes a sip from his coffee and answers Kinser. "Lester? I heard that Ame's planning on returning him to Okinawa."
"Hah! Like that's ever gonna happen." Kinser scoffs. "The contract was made ages ago. The only progress made is the closing of the Naval Hospital!"
"Camp Zama up in Tokyo says that part of Foster and you will be given back, too." Torii reports.
"You soldiers know nothing." Foster interjects. "Ame don't keep no promises."
I watch as the older bases discuss their possible return home. Camp Kinser seems to have a more optimistic outlook, while Camp Foster seems more pessimistic that he may return. I'm intrigued by their conversation, particularly Foster's response about the contract and broken promises. I wonder if all bases across the world will be returned, or just these three in Okinawa. I'm also surprised that the younger bases in Tokyo, such as Camp Zama, could soon be returning as well.
"You know, yer just mad because Dunkin Donuts revoked their contract with the US Armed Forces." Kinser nodded at Foster. Foster gasped.
"It's true." Torii said coolly. "You Marines are getting fat anyway."
"That's not what Kadena says." Kinser calmly adds. "Be nice to your brother, Torii."
"That's cuz Deena has the best quality of life for the military families." Foster huffs. He straightens his position before turning to Torii. "What's to come of Camp Hansen, Courtney, and Schwab?" Torii mixes his drink, eyes fixed on a distant point before answering.
"Courtney and Hansen...they're meant for housing. Schwab hold our assets."
"The little tots won't be here long." Kinser sighs. "Foster and I already renovated and built more living spaces."
"Yeah, Courtney and Hansen can go. They're useless to us." Foster crushes his cup and tosses it in the trash.
"I'll ask Deena more about the situation. Maybe even White Beach." Kinser says, taking a sip. "Those ladies know some things."
"Or we could ask Torii. He's in charge of everything." Foster and Kinser turn their heads to the unsmiling Station.
"Courtney and Hansen are likely to be returned to Okinawa." Torii repots, his tone grave for whatever reason.
"Ah, right! Speaking of which, I saw Oki with Ame on my camp a while back." Foster slaps his hand on the table, causing Kinser's eyebrows to scrunch up.
"What 'bout er?"
"Last I heard from her, she was with White Beach collecting sea glass." Torri discards his cup. "But that was months ago."
Foster looks in my direction, catching sight of me. "There's Okinawa right now!" He points. A heat rises in my cheeks.
"C'mere, sweetie." Kinser beckons. "Please join us." I take a seat between Torii and Kinser, a little shy.
"So, did you hear about Fort Lee changing his name again?" Foster attempts to change the subject.
"Which one's Lee again?" Kinser asks.
"Fort Lee. The one in Virginia named after Robert E. Lee. He changed it to Gregg-Adams." Torii adds.
"Lee, Gregg, and Adams were all sustainers." Kinser nods. "Lucky that Lee changed his name before them snowflakes went wild."
I listen intently to the bases gossiping about Fort Lee and its renaming. Kinser seems to know a lot of military history, including the names of the sustainers. Foster seems to have an understanding as well, calling the three sustainers by name.
"Hey, Okinawa." Kinser pokes my arm a little. "Is everything alright, sweetie? You're never this quiet!" I quickly nod. I frantically think of a question to divert the attention from me.
"Do you guys miss the USA?"
The three of them freeze and look at one another. "Haven't seen the states since 1996." Foster shrugs. "From what I hear, they've all gone soft."
"For me, it's 1972." Torii adds. "Just for the sake of America countering China and North Korea." Torii pauses for a moment. "Our presence here isn't even to protect you and your sister anymore, Okinawa. It's just for the sake of being able to get into China and North Korea more quickly in case of a war."
"Which of course we will start and blame on the Communists." Kinser solemnly adds. "South Korea is chock-full of our cousin bases." Kinser looks down, eyes heavy with guilt.
"Ol' Kinser hasn't seen home since 1949." Foster places a comforting hand on the old man's shoulder. Kinser nods.
I'm taken aback by the honesty in Foster's response, and the guilt on Kinser's face. He clearly regrets the actions of U.S. in regards to starting and initiating the conflict between North Korea and China. South Korea is also filled with multiple cousin bases, giving the U.S. influence over multiple countries and continents. It sounds like the bases are constantly keeping a watchful eye on each other, all for the sake of "maintaining world peace."
"Well, America's an instigator, so we have no choice but to play along." Foster shrugs. "Torii is our backbone, honestly."
"He's unlikely to betray his comrades." Kinser adds.
"I am loyal to the United States of America." Torii sharply cuts. "And unless it's a blatant infringement of the Geneva Code, I'm not one of the traitors."
"Chill out, Torii." Foster snaps. The Station goes silent, taking a deep breath.
"So, what were we saying about Courtney and Hansen?" Kinser attempts to alleviate the tension. Foster snaps his fingers in remembrance.
"Ah, right. Torii said they might return to America." He bites his lips. "The brats are useless." Kinser nods solemnly. It seems he really loves children. "As useless as Italy was to the Axis Powers." Kinser cringes at the mention.
"If Deena-I mean, Kadena were here, she'd slap you." Torii quips. "And it seems Kinser is about to."
As the bases continue speaking to each other, a sudden tension emerges whenever a controversial topic is brought up. It seems that all of the bases are pretty open about the actions of the U.S. Government. Torii seems to be a staunch supporter of the United States and will defend it no matter what. Kinser is a man who's seen war and wishes nothing but good for everyone because of its horrors. Foster...well, Foster is a little random—always speaking out of pocket. I stealthily escape the conversation, heading back home.
"Useless child." I think. "Useless child." The phrase grows more repetitive. It gets louder and more menacing each time as it echoes in my brain. The phrase is repeated over and over again in my brain like a taunt, as if someone, or something, is calling me out for my uselessness. A chill runs down my spine. The longer I try to ignore it, the worse it gets. The volume becomes overwhelming, the words becoming louder, and my mind begins to feel foggy as tears start to well up in my eyes.
_______
"Stupid girl!" My father shouts. I stood in front of him, gaze downcast. "Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you be a normal girl?" The last word was punched with venom as he kicked me away. I had been playing outside and digging holes to play with worms.
I felt my stomach turn at the words my father screamed at me. He always thought I was the problem, no matter what I did. His harsh words filled me with a feeling of dread and despair, as if I was really the problem that caused all of this. I was just playing outside with the bugs, but this act was deemed as "not something that a normal girl should do."
South Korea cautiously approaches with arched brows. He assesses me for any abnormality, the only ones being my shorts dirty, my knees scraped, and mud rubbed all over me. He gently pushes me aside as he tries to reason with Father.
"Otō, she didn't mean to get so dirty." He intoned.
Father's eyes meet mine, an aura of hostility emitting from him. He looks at me with contempt as he sneers, "So what? Should I simply allow her to do whatever she wants? Just let her play in the dirt and play with worms like a boy?"
"It doesn't matter yet, Otō—"
"Don't talk to me like that." Father snapped, slapping South. "Go to your room." South meekly nodded and made his way to his room, gazing at me sorrowfully. Father turned his attention back to me, his eyes burning through me.
"Otō?" I squeaked. "I got a worm for you too." I held out my hand to present a bright pink, wriggling earthworm. I had thought that maybe giving him the worm I picked out for him would make him happy with me.
Just once.
"Give that to me." His words are short and harsh, and the way he says it causes me to flinch and shrink in on my self. The worm, however, I refuse to give him. He's going to kill it. "Give it!" He shouts venomously.
His shout fills me with fear and causes me to hesitate, but I can't give him the worm, no matter how much he shouts or demands. I found the worm, and I'm keeping it regardless of his actions.
"No." I whisper, keeping the worm firmly gripped in my grip. Suddenly, a sharp pain meets my stomach, causing me to fall back. Father had kicked me again. I try to catch my breath but can't as I curl up to lessen the pain. Father's kick causes me to cry out in pain, but he doesn't seem to care. His actions are cruel and heartless, and he only seems to see me as an inconvenience.
"I wish you never existed!" He shrieks. "I wish I was never cursed with such a useless and burdensome child as you!"
For some reason, his words hurt more than any blow he lands on me.
Am I useless?
Am I just a bother?
Tears flood my eyes as I let out a whimper of pain and sadness. I feel like nothing but a burden to him, someone he constantly resents for being born. He never seems to be happy with anything I do, and I feel like I'll never be able to satisfy him.
Would my mom have thought of me the same way?
I can't just give the worm to my father. He's going to kill it. I know he will. A hand yanks me by the hair. I was forced towards my father. He picked me up with such a vicious force.
"I can't stand you." He growls. "I hate you." He throws me to the ground once again, punctuating the action with a kick. The worm flies out of my hand and under my father's foot.
"Don't..." I whisper, but it's too late. He crushes the worm, and to my horror, it ends up under his shoe. Tears of sadness and anger fill my eyes as I lie on the ground, curled up in a ball. He's killed something perfect, a living creature, something I picked for him. My heart feels like it's being ripped to shreds by his actions.
If he has no mercy for a worm, what makes me think he'll spare me?
"Get up." My father orders. I stay curled in pain, tears about to fall. "Are you deaf? Get up!" I remain in my position, unsure of what to do. "You're just as incompetent as your mother!" He snaps, causing me to stand up. I hate to admit it, but there's a truth to his words. Whenever he would say I was "useless and burdensome" or that I was "incompetent", I'd cry and try to deny it, but deep down I know he's right.
I am useless, and sometimes I'm a burden to everyone around me, constantly being in the way and having others do tasks for me. It just hurts to hear it straight from him.
"Useless. Useless. Useless!" My father punctuates each word with a blow.
"Otō-chan!" Japan rushes over. "What is going on here?" Japan's familiar voice rings out, and for once, the word "Otō-chan" doesn't sound so grating coming from her. It seems she's here to protect me from my father's blows. I remain a curled-up mess on the ground, unable to stop crying and in too much pain to properly respond.
"Otō-chan, she's still learning." Japan picks me up. "I can teach her myself. I'm eighteen now, after all." Our father squints, then waves his hand in dismissal.
"You're growing to be a good woman. Lead by example, and maybe Okinawa has a chance." He hisses.
Tears flow down my cheeks and my heart fills with sadness as his words sink in. I'm obviously never going to measure up to his standards, so why even bother trying? I'm never going to be good enough for him, and I'll always be a failure in his eyes.
Japan carries me to my room and sits me on my bed, handing me Usagi, my stuffed bunny. "Sit here, Okinawa." She orders. Japan leaves the room and returns with a wet cloth and a clean dress for me.
Japan hands me the dress and the wet cloth, but she doesn't force them on me. I'm able to take as much time as I need to calm down and get changed. When I finish, Japan is there with a warm cup of milk to help me calm down even more. She stays with me in silence, allowing me to gather myself. It's a relief to have her by my side, a contrast to my father's harshness.
Japan sighs. "If it makes you feel any better, Otō-chan is just in a bad mood." Japan ties a light pink bow in my hair. "It's nothing personal, I'm sure."
"I know..." I sniffle, trying to hold in any further tears. "But he's always in a bad mood whenever I'm around. It's like he wants me to feel like less than nothing. I just can't seem to please him no matter how much I try." I sigh as she ties my hair into a light pink bow, which reminds me of the pink worm I handed him. I miss that worm, even though it's such a small thing.
"When North gets back, I'll send him your way." Japan pauses. "He understands you more than I do."
The mention of my older brother, North, causes me to perk up slightly. Japan mentions that he understands me more than she does, which is comforting to hear. Perhaps he will give me the appreciation that I crave from my father.
"And-and we can play with my toys?" My thoughts come too quickly for me to speak eloquently. Japan nods.
"Sit tight, Oki." Japan kisses my forehead. "I'll check on South, okay?" She says before leaving.
The mention of playing with toys gives me a thrill of excitement that I hadn't felt in God knows how long. It's an unexpected source of joy but also something I crave because I find playing with toys to be comforting and fun. When Japan leaves the room to check on South, I remain where I am, trying to resist the urge to jump up and find toys to play with.
North comes home in a sour mood. As Japan ordered, he enters my room. Just typical sixteen year-old behavior, as Japan says.
"What do you want?" North growls, causing me to tense up the slightest bit. No, he wouldn't hurt me on purpose! At least, I hope he won't. I cautiously approach to hug my brother.
"Am I a useless child?" I ask, my voice barely audible.
"Useless? No." His response is unexpected. I assume he'll be just like my father in the way that his attitude towards me is, but North's words seem genuine and not said out of anger or contempt.
"A burden? Yes," he finishes his statement, his words now filled with truth. I can't help but wince at his honest answer. I cling onto North as Japan bursts in the room, upset with North.
"Come on, dipshit. Your sister needs you." She tells him, irritated.
"You're her brother. Be there for her." Japan snaps at North, demanding he show me the same kind of affection she has. "For the sake of all that's holy! She's five!"
He gives her a huff, obviously not happy with her orders, but slowly nods his head in agreement. North peels me off him and sits at the blanket I lied out on the floor for a tea party.
"What happened this time, Oki?" North stares soullessly at me as I pour him an imaginary cup of tea.
"Otō-chan hit me again." I nonchalantly relpy. North sighs, raking his hair.
"Why?"
"I played in the mud and brought him a worm and he said that's not what girls do." I pause. "And he killed the worm." I add, my tone drowned in melancholy.
North sighs and opens his arms out. I perk up and run into them. I bury my face in his shoulder, feeling as North gently rocks me. He responds in a tired, disappointed, and sympathetic way, telling me he's used to this kind of behavior from our father.
"Why?" He sighs, stroking my hair. I lean against him, comforted in his embrace as he rocks me gently. His actions provide both comfort and a sense of safety, like the love I crave but never receive from anyone but him. Even if I can never get that love from my father, at the very least I can find it here with North.
His repeated question only serves to remind me of my sadness, and his disappointed sigh fills me with dread. I bury my face in his shoulder again to shelter my feelings. My reply is soft and sad. "I don't know..."
"Why?" North asks yet again, his voice filled with care but also a hint of exasperation. I can tell that he's tired of seeing me come home from our father's abuse, and it's making him upset.
My reply is still sad and soft, but my voice becomes more defiant as I continue to try and stand up for myself. "I don't know... he says these things, and... I just don't understand. I've tried everything I can to make him happy, but nothing seems to be good enough for him."
North kisses my hair and tightens his grip. "If it were up to me, you wouldn't sit so sad on my lap right now...or have that ugly bruise on your face."
"I just don't know what to do..." The sadness and despair in my voice is overwhelming, and I bury my face in North's chest to hide my tears. He rubs my back gently, his soft touches providing a sort of balm for my wounded soul. He offers no solutions, but sometimes, simply being there for me when no one else is is enough.
"Listen, you're always going to be the number two in my life." North reassures. My ears perk up.
"Who's number one?" I ask, tilting my head.
"Amma...She's been dead for-for so long, but she will always be my number one." North answers, heavy with unspoken melancholy.
His words catch me off guard, and it takes me a moment to understand his true meaning. His number one is our Amma, the woman who passed away and is always going to mean the most to him. I respect his feelings and am grateful that he was willing to open up to me like that.
"Will I ever be equal to her?", I ask softly, my voice tinged with bitterness and sadness. I know she's his mother, a bond that's stronger and different from the one between a brother and sister, but I still long to be as important in his life.
"You'll never be equal to her." North whispers, and I can hear the regret in his voice as he delivers this blow to my heart. I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness wash over me, but that sadness is tinged with frustration as well. It's clear that North sees his love for our Amma as something sacred and untouchable, a bond that no one can measure up to.
"Do you love her more than me?" I ask softly, my voice quivering with emotion.
"Yes." North answers flatly, his words causing further pain in my heart. I take a deep breath, trying to suppress the emotions that I know will overflow if I let them out. I've spent my whole life loving North and trying to gain his affection, but now I hear him declare that he loves a long-dead woman more than he loves me. It hurts in ways I don't want to acknowledge.
What if I screw something up? Maybe North will forget about me then. The mention of screwing up sparks fear deep inside me, and I'm suddenly plagued with anxiety. What if I mess up and North no longer wants me around? If I were to screw something up, he may forget about me and no longer have a place for me in his heart. That thought terrifies me, and I can't bear the thought of losing North's love and affection.
It's not the same as Japan or South's. It's not! I cling onto North, my grip like a vice. I'm never going to be his top priority, but he will always be mine.
I just hope I'm not going to become useless and burdensome to him as well...
Teehee, Oki abuse.
ANYWAY, HERE ARE ✨️DA BASE BOIS✨️
Old grandpa. We love himmmmmmmm💓
Goofy Marine dude who's most likely sniffing combat truck exhaust💅
This one was so hard to do. His flag is black, but I had to make it gray TwT...ANYWAY, SOLDIER BOIIIIIIII 😍