"Unhand her now, Colin!"
Penelope jumped at the sound of Anthony's voice, panicked at the thought of being caught. Colin must have felt the same way as he finally loosened his grip on her waist. Immediately she distanced herself from him, a heated blush creeping across her cheeks at the sight of the Viscount and his wife standing a few feet away. While Anthony was busy glaring at Colin, Kate Bridgerton's eyes studied her with concern.
Although he had never been unkind to her, a part of her had always been intimidated by the eldest Bridgerton sibling. While Benedict was affable and charming, Anthony was the opposite and his stern demeanor tended to make her nervous. So to be caught by him in such a shameful manner – Penelope wanted the earth to swallow her up, she was too embarrassed to speak.
"What is going on here?" Anthony demanded, glaring at Colin. "Did you hurt her? Are you alright, Penelope?"
"Stay out of this, brother!"
"I'm fine."
She and Colin replied in unison.
Penelope cast Colin a quick glance, warning him silently to go along with the lie. "My dress had a tear in it and Colin was helping me."
Neither Anthony nor Kate looked like they believed her. Fortunately, they did not push back.
"You both know better than to be alone out here without a chaperone," Anthony chastised. "If anyone were to see the two of you-"
"Fortunately, it was only us," Kate interjected, approaching Penelope with an assuring smile. "Anthony, why don't you and Colin go back in and fetch us some champagne? After I help Penelope with her dress, we can meet you inside."
"Pen and I still have much to discuss," Colin said in a firm tone.
She threw an irritated glance at Colin. While he was within his rights to argue with his family, she certainly didn't have the same privilege – and it brought further attention to how oblivious he was when it came to her.
There was a time when she used to believe all of his gestures of intimacy were indicative of his love, but since the night she overheard him it became clear that had never been the case. His words – "you do not count, you're Pen" – was how he truly felt. She wasn't someone he viewed romantically, rather he didn't view her as a proper lady at all. It's why he never worried about others misconstruing their relationship, why he never hesitated to spend time with her unchaperoned, why he kissed her tonight with such recklessness when he would never dare to do so with other young ladies of the ton. And even though he wasn't purposely being hurtful, it still angered her to recognize how careless he was with her. In the past she was too much in love with Colin to worry about her own reputation but now she couldn't afford a scandal. Not when she was so close to gaining freedom and living the life she wanted. "There's nothing further to say."
"In that case, brother, you and I shall head inside," Anthony ordered sternly. "And Kate and Penelope may join us when they're ready."
Colin turned to her, peering at her, demanding silently that she meet his gaze. "I will call on you tomorrow," he stated angrily when she refused to look at him.
"I have a prior engagement," was her immediate reply.
"With whom?"
"Now!" Anthony barked.
Finally Colin tore his eyes from her and stormed away. He didn't wait for Anthony, instead marching past his brother.
"I apologize for his behaviour." Anthony shook his head. "If my brother has said or done anything to harm you-"
"He hasn't," she replied quickly. "As I said, he was simply assisting me. But you are right, we should not have been out here without a chaperone."
"Rest assured it won't happen again."
Then his attention darted to his wife, and it was as if the Anthony she had known since childhood was instantly changed. In his place was a soft and tender man, eyes flooded with love as his gaze swept over the Viscountess. They were simply standing there yet Penelope felt like she was intruding on a private moment between the couple, the affection between them so potent. And seeing them so much in love filled her heart with joy, but there was also an aching sadness that pricked at her. Because she knew Colin would never look at her that way or love her as fiercely as his brother did Kate.
"Are you alright?" Kate asked.
Realizing her face must have given her away, Penelope quickly composed herself. "I'm fine. Thank you for your concern, Viscountess."
"I shall see you inside," Anthony said softly before taking his leave.
"I'm fine, truly. I just need a few minutes of fresh air and I will go back in," Pen said in a rush, feeling nervous around the other woman.
"I require some fresh air myself. I hope you don't mind if I keep you company?" Kate smiled.
"Of course not, Lady Kate. It would be a pleasure."
"Kate. Please. And I hope you don't mind if I call you Penelope?"
"I would like that."
"Perhaps I can fashion something out of my shawl for you," Kate said, removing the fabric around her shoulders and draping it over Penelope's. After a few seconds of trifling with the material, she stepped back to examine her handiwork. "Yes, that looks quite pretty. Don't you think?"
Penelope glanced down at herself. Not only did the fabric hide her torn sleeve, but also the marks on her breasts. Bite marks left by Colin when he'd laved her skin with his tongue and teeth, same marks that must have been visible to Anthony earlier. Shame flooded over Penelope, she wanted to die.
"Shall we take a stroll around the maze before we go inside?" Kate suggested.
Penelope nodded, too embarrassed to speak.
Looping her arm through Penelope's, Kate started walking alongside her. "I admit I don't know Colin very well. He started his travels soon after the wedding and we didn't have much time to get to know one another. However, I've always found him to be witty and good-natured."
Penelope remained silent.
"Which is why the last few days have been such a surprise. He has been unusually agitated and others have noticed as well."
"Have they?" Penelope muttered. "He's probably having difficulties settling back into his old life after his recent adventures."
"Yes, Benedict thought so too."
"They are quite close as brothers."
"True, but I suspect it has more to do with matters of the heart." Kate paused in her tracks. "Perhaps you're the reason?"
Penelope shook her head. "I don't think so."
"He seemed quite upset just now."
"Not because of me, I'm sure. I'm incapable of eliciting strong emotions in Colin."
Kate gave her a curious glance. "Why do you say so?"
Penelope shrugged her shoulders. "Because Colin and I are friends. That's all."
"Your rendezvous with him tonight would suggest otherwise, Penelope."
"You would think so, but it doesn't." She sent Kate a bitter smile. "I'm Pen. His friend. And that means he doesn't view me in the same light as he does other ladies. Normal rules of society don't apply to me."
"That can't be true."
She leveled the older woman with a pained gaze. "Colin would never exchange private letters with any of the young ladies of the ton, he'd be too worried about jeopardizing their reputation. And he certainly wouldn't cause a scandal by spending time with them unchaperoned. Yet here I am, recipient of both."
Kate looked taken aback by her words. "That doesn't sound like the actions of a friend."
"I assure you Colin isn't a duplicitous person, he genuinely doesn't mean to cause harm. However, he's oblivious when it comes to me. I might as well be invisible to him."
"I see male idiocy isn't reserved for Anthony alone," Kate sighed, resuming their walk again. "In my experience tihe Bridgerton men can be quite... foolish when it comes to romance." She squeezed Penelope's arm. "But once they get over their stubbornness, they are fierce with their love."
"I will have to take your word for it."
"Have you talked to Colin about how you feel? Perhaps if you-"
"Lady Kate, I don't mean to be rude." Penelope smiled stiffly at the Viscountess. "But there's no point in discussing this any further. How I feel about Colin doesn't matter."
"You care deeply for him. I can see that."
Penelope paused. The only person she'd ever confessed her feelings about Colin was to Arthur Debling and even that took a while.
"You shouldn't deny your feelings, Penelope."
"I'm not denying them. I know how I feel, and I recognize my feelings will probably never go away. But that doesn't mean I have to wallow in heartache." She stared out at the garden, ruminating on the measures she'd taken to secure the life she wanted. "I used to think I would only be happy if I married Colin, but I've come to realize that is no longer true. There are other forms of happiness, little things that can bring a lot of joy if one is open to it." She graced Kate with a shy smile. "I intend to move on and pursue some of my other dreams. Maybe even have small adventures along the way."
"Is that what you would like?"
Penelope bit down on her lip. A part of her felt anxious about sharing her secret desires but the kindness in Kate's eyes made her think that not only would the older woman not mock her but she might actually understand. "Very much so."
Kate returned her smile. "In that case, I hope you get everything your heart desires."
"Thank you."
"But I feel I must warn you." Concern shone brightly in Kate's dark eyes. "The look I saw on Colin tonight, it's an expression I'm familiar with having seen it on my husband's face many times. I don't think my brother-in-law will go quietly into the night. He may make it difficult for you to move on."
"That's not who Colin is." She reached out to touch her neck, only to remember that there was now a scarf covering the area. Her skin still burned with the memory of his mouth voraciously roving over her, hot and urgent. She dropped her hand immediately. "As soon as he realizes things have changed between us, he will move on. And there will not be any shortage of ladies vying for his attention. It's only a matter of time before I become a distant memory to him."
"You underestimate your own worth," Kate replied, a hint of sternness in her voice.
Pen shrugged to herself. "I only speak the truth."
Kate didn't respond, instead squeezing her arm. They made their way back inside, both women deep in thought.
***
Later that night Penelope was waiting for her carriage outside while listening to the nearby chatter of a group of gentlemen who were gossiping idly. Often her biggest source of news were men of the ton themselves. While there was no doubt women liked to gossip, they were far more discreet than the opposite sex, something Lady Whistledown benefitted from. She was busy cataloguing the topics they were discussing when she suddenly found herself with company. Her breath halted in her throat when Colin appeared beside her.
"You're avoiding me," he said quietly, sounding both hurt and angry.
She kept her voice deliberately steady. "It's late, Colin. I wish to go home."
"We need to discuss what happened tonight."
Her stomach clenched at the thought. "I'd rather not."
The intensity within him clamored for her full attention even as his entitled words filled her with rage. There was a respectable amount of space between them but it was as if he was pressed against her like before, heat emanating from him. And the way he was looking at her, eyes burning bright with emotion as they swept over her skin, pausing on the same spot where he left bite marks - she couldn't think around him. She desperately needed an escape.
"You owe me the truth, Pen. I demand it. You must tell me who the gentleman is." He took a step closer. "I have a responsibility to protect you, to keep you safe." Another step. "Your reputation could have been compromised-"
"You didn't seem to care about that earlier when you followed me into the garden," she fired back at him. "What if someone had caught us, Colin? Do you even know what that would've done to my reputation?"
He stiffened. "We would have been forced to marry."
She noted the immediate panic that flitted across his face, his voice drowning in misery at the thought of marrying her. It was clear the idea of a romantic bond between them horrified him, and even though she'd come to accept that fact already it still felt like someone had ripped her heart out and stomped all over it. But she would die before letting him see how much his rejection hurt. Straightening her back, she gave him a cold glance. "You don't need to worry. I would never force you into that." She turned to look at the carriage that had come to a stop in front of her. "I think it's best if we keep our distance going forward. Good night, Colin."
He offered his hand to help her into the carriage but she ignored it. However, he didn't step aside. "This conversation is not over. I will call on you tomorrow."
"And I will not be available."
Before he could say anything further, she slammed the carriage door in his face.