Shubman came out to Ishan in tenth grade. Ishan was already stressed about the looming board exams and how they crashed with the IPL schedule, so he didn’t notice the way Shubman bounced his leg nervously or the way he was extra fidgety today or the way he was unnaturally quiet.
“Do you think I’ll pass History if I make a quick trip to Wankhede the night before?” Ishan asked with a frown.
“You’ll mess up the dates,” Shubman replied inattentively. “Ishan, can we talk for a second?”
The latter shut his book close, glad to have a distraction from studying. “Do you want to trade your Dhoni trump card?”
“No, it’s not about cricket.”
Ishan sat straight, looking carefully at the boy. “O-kay then.”
Shubman rubbed his palms against the fabric of his pants, drumming his fingers to calm his nerves. “So, I’ve been thinking-”
“Not a good sign.”
Shubman shot him a glare, adding, “About my sexuality.”
Ishan blinked. “What, like you wanna have sex?”
“No, that’s not what it means.” Shubman flicked his eyes across the room, wondering how he could possibly get it through his best friend's thick head. “Have you heard of gay people?”
“As in, happy people?”
“Nice, you’ve stopped sleeping in English class.” Shubman’s lip twitched in an irritated smile. “As in, boys who like boys, and girls who like girls. Both, sometimes.”
Ishan's mouth formed an 'O' shape in realization. “Ah, that.”
Shubman nodded. He wasn’t sure if the low emphasis on “that” was a good sign. “What do you think?”
“How does it matter what I think?” Ishan quirked an eyebrow.
“It matters,” Shubman said with a sharp inhale. “To me.”
“I’m not sure where you’re getting at.” Ishan chuckled nervously.
Shubman’s eyes visibly softened as he leaned forward. “Ishan, I am-”
“I- um- I need to wee.” Ishan got up abruptly. “Be right back.”
Shubman watched Ishan dash out faster than he ever had. He let out a shaky breath and dropped his head onto the table. He fucked up. Ishan would definitely not ‘be right back’. The boy was probably at the doorstep, about to leave and never see Shubman’s face again.
He knows. He hates it. He hates me.
A frustrated tear slid down Shubman's cheek as he felt himself sniffle. Why did he have to go and ruin everything? He could have lived with his new discovery hidden forever. He could have lived pretending to understand when Ishan and Abhi fawned over the pretty girls in their class. He could have lived without expecting Ishan’s support. He could have lived a normal life.
But he couldn’t live without Ishan. Without their friendship.
He only realized he was full-blown sobbing when he felt a pair of arms around him, pulling him closer.
“What happened? Why are you crying?” Ishan asked in a panicked voice.
Shubman cried harder, clutching onto Ishan’s shirt tightly. “You’re back.”
“Was I not supposed to be?”
Shubman chuckled softly, wiping away his tears. “I thought I lost you.”
Ishan frowned, pulling away a little to look at the boy in his arms. “Do you not feel well? Do I need to call your mom-”
“Ishan, I’m gay.”
Ishan winced ever so slightly and it almost broke Shubman’s heart before the former said, “It’s okay. You’re still my Shubi.”
Shubman’s lip jutted out in a pout. “You don’t look okay. I’m sorry.”
Ishan grazed his fingers against Shubman’s tear streaked cheeks. “What are you sorry for, idiot?”
“I don’t know. For hurting you, I guess.”
“I’m sure you’ve been the one hurting, Shubi.”
Shubman's eyes welled up once again upon hearing that. He pulled Ishan into a tight hug, shaking against his shoulder. “It hurts so much, Ishu. I don’t want to be like this.”
Ishan rubbed gentle circles on Shubman’s back, trying to comfort the younger. “You’re so brave, Shubi. I’m so proud of you,” he whispered into his ears.
Shubman’s breath hitched with his little sobs. “Why can’t I be like you and Abhi?”
Ishan smiled. “Girls don’t even talk to us, I think you’re better off not being like us.”
“They talk to me,” Shubman mumbled with a small smile.
“Good for us, we’ve got less competition now!” Ishan giggled, ruffling the other’s hair.
“Bad for me, I’ll die alone!”
Ishan huffed. “Nonsense. Look at these cuties.” He poked Shubman’s dimples, causing him to giggle.
Ishan cooed, planting a sloppy kiss on Shubman’s left cheek. The boy blushed a little, saying, “You don’t have to do that anymore if you’re uncomfortable.”
Ishan rolled his eyes, planting another kiss on Shubman’s right cheek. “I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that you think I’d ever be uncomfortable with you.”
Shubman wiped away the wetness around his eyes, smiling up at Ishan. “Sorry, I thought it would be hard to understand.”
Ishan rubbed his neck with a small nod. “I’m not going to lie, it’s a…new concept to me. But I’ve always liked trying new things with you, haven’t I?” He paused, adding, “Can you give me some time?”
Shubman smiled fondly. “I can give you years, Ishan. All the years of my life if you asked.”
Ishan smiled, his lips curling upwards at the corners. “I know.”
Shubman slowly inched closer to press a light kiss on his friend’s forehead. “Do you know I love you?”
Ishan grinned. “Do you know I love you too?”
Boys, they never really said “I love you” to other boys. Shubman realized that it was going to change for him. He also realized that he had been saying it to Ishan in all other ways.
+
“Do you think I’m pretty?” Ishan asked once, wiggling his eyebrows.
Shubman shot him an unimpressed look before going back to his comic. “Pretty ugly, yeah.”
“Bad Shubi!” Ishan threw a light punch at the boy’s arm.
“Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I like every boy, Ishan,” Shubman said in a sing-a-song manner prompting the other to pout.
“Can’t you throw in a little compliment sometimes for your best friend? How rude.”
Shubman smiled behind his comic. “You want a compliment from me?”
“I know right? God, desperate times are the worst.”
Shubman kicked Ishan, who was sitting at the edge of the bed. The latter let out a whine. “Tell me I’m pretty or I’ll bite your ankles!”
Shubman snorted as he turned over on his side. “You’re pretty. There you go.”
“That sounds like I’m forcing you!”
“Maybe because you are?”
“Shubiiiiii.”
Shubman sighed, putting his comic down. “You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, Ishan.”
The other blinked, a subtle dust of blush gracing his face. “P-Pretty would have been enough.”
Shubman simply rolled his eyes and went back to reading. “I was just being honest.”
♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧
a/n: i decided to write flashbacks separately so lucky you, getting double update lmao.
for me, their love was completely platonic in the past but to each their own. believe what you want.
also, you guys liked my little sketch so i made another one. they look like 12 year olds but whatever. im cursed with this art style.