Chapter 351 - Will Be Here No Matter What
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
Lin Rui watched the others leave and gave them a grateful glance, though he has no intention of staying at the Academy on weekends, this was something that he couldn't control, there might be a chance when he would have to stay at the academy for either reviewing his learning materials or maybe the teachers might take extra classes. In that case, he could of course have to stay behind - then who knows when he might see Su Wan.
" you - " began Lin Rui but then he noticed the obvious pain of parting flash in Su Wan's eyes and he hurriedly tried to coax her. He didn't want to see Su Wan hurt especially not because of him, though they might be separated for a while, he would try his best to meet her as much as he can " I will come back soon, don't get upset, I - I will write letters to you every day, so you won't miss me much"
Su Wan pursed her lips and looked down at her tippy toes, she wasn't a cry baby. But she knew that though Lin Rui had his weekends off, scholars, they hardly could return home. The path that Lin Rui chose was just as hard as that of a general and a soldier, if a general was the war God at the battlefield then an official was the God of the court if A general could change the fate of a country so could an official, thus, the scholars have to work really hard for attaining the title they dream of, and while pursuing his dream Lin Rui might forget about her. Because she was nothing more than a distraction- damn she shouldn't be thinking like this!
Her husband was working hard to bring glory to their family, she should smile and see him off but her insecurities that were coiled deep in her heart made it impossible for her to not to feel scared.
Wang Tao, that horrible ex-husband of hers had left such a scar that Su Wan was a bit wary of other women especially strangers - if Lin Rui stays in the town then he would come in contact with a lot of women, what if he gets attracted to someone else? Someone purer and more intellectual than her, after all, she only had some basic knowledge and there was nothing great about it.
So, how can this wise boy be into her even when he sees all the bees and butterflies wandering around him? Su Wan could of course threaten, and bind him to her but she didn't believe in 'staying together even when their hearts weren't connected ' , so of course, she wouldn't stop him - but that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt any less.
" hey, you shouldn't be doing that," said Lin Rui as he rubbed her forehead, easing the creases on it. He crouched down so that he was at Su Wan's eye level and gazed deeply into her eyes, his expression was a bit helpless but nothing could hide the love and doting brimming in those inky pools " you know, I am the only one who gets to overthink about every little thing, not you. You are not allowed to be insecure about yourself, you get it?"
" why?" asked Su Wan blinking her eyes in confusion. At first, she had no idea how Lin Rui knew she was letting her thoughts wander about but then again this guy was the master of overthinking.
" because you are perfect, at least for me and for my brothers. I know I don't have the right to talk about what they like or not, but I know for a fact that they like you just as much as I do... No, maybe I like you more than them" said Lin Rui with a chuckle, then he tucked the strand of her hair that has escaped behind her ears and gave her a smile that made her knees go weak, how can someone be this gorgeous and handsome at the same time? " You know everyone believes that I am perfect, that I have everything under control, I don't - there are times where I hope my parents and brothers would see my struggle and stop putting on so much hope in me because I am not perfect, I'm far from it. No one sees it, maybe it's because I know how to pretend - I can fool anyone but you. You see what scares me, and yet you never doubt me, you don't ask me to do the best but tell me to aim for something I can do the best. Just like that, I can see you that maybe sometimes your trust in us wavers"
Su Wan opened her mouth, she never thought that Lin Rui was so observant, that he could catch on to what she felt. If he really knew all along that she couldn't bring herself to trust him and his brothers in the beginning and that her trust would solidify and waver in every other obstacle, then how bad it must have hurt him " I - I don't.."
" you don't have to explain yourself," said Lin Rui interrupting her "as I said, you never asked me why and I won't ask you either. But just have a bit of your faith in me, no matter where I go or what I become, no matter how our life changes whether for worse or best, I would always be by your side - and so will be my brothers. We are not good men, I won't claim to be something that we aren't because if we were good men we would have let you go and let you have a life that you deserve but we won't, we can't. But what I can promise you is that if you want you can do whatever you desire, no matter whether you win or lose, we will be standing just behind you. We won't stop you from doing what you have in mind, if you succeed the glory is yours but if you fall then we will pick up the pieces that you leave behind your wake and rebuild what you lost. Because that's where you belong in our life - as the first person we need to protect, our priority. Mine priority.. So, whatever you have in mind, forget all about it, because whatever becomes of me, I will come back to you and you have to take me in your arms. No matter how unwilling you are"
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Chapter 352 - Stunned By The Hateful Glare
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
If Su Wan wasn't afraid of ruining Lin Rui's farewell she would have sobbed like ugly sobbed until her eyes were swollen, but she couldn't. Shedding tears while saying goodbye wasn't a sign of good luck, so she hugged Lin Rui as tight as she could. Trying to put her feelings in this one hug until she would see him again when she was a kid she could never get the love of her mother and thus, she became a bit obsessed with the idea of a man loving her.
Which was why she jumped on Wang Tao's wagon at the slightest show of gentleness from him, she didn't even know him that well only two months and yet she handed him her entire life just because she thought he was kind to her. By the time she woke up from her obsession, she was an old woman in her thirties with a cheating husband on her back and lots of broken pieces of her heart that she had to pick up from the start.
Her obsession with love vanished and so did her hope of having a fairy tale of her own. She was sure, she was going to spend the rest of her life hating all men, no matter what kind but fortunately, she had these men. They should her what a ' real man ' means, Lin Rui had said the exact words that she wanted to hear, that she was enough, that she was perfect and that he would return to her side no matter how far he goes, how can she not love this man - who understood her so well? How could she not go obsessed and possessive of these brothers when they were everything she dreamed of?
" you have to remember what you said, if you bring another woman back - I will drown her in the well," said Su Wan though she was clearly trying to threaten him, her voice was so nasally that it sounded more cute than threatening.
Lin Rui laughed and then rocked Su Wan, patting her back " the same could be said for you, you aren't allowed to forget me. And you need to answer all my letters or else I will teach you a good lesson when I come back, alright?"
Su Wan pulled back from his chest and stared right into his eyes, nearly losing herself in those eyes like the colour of the night. She grinned like a schoolgirl in love " that's a promise"
" it is a promise," said Lin Rui before furtively looking at the open door of the dormitory and giving her the quickest peck she had in her life, maybe he understood her dissatisfied expression because he leaned closer and whispered " Don't worry I will make it up to you when I come back, can't go freaky in the academy. Now can we?"
His words surprised the heck out of her, she never expected Lin Rui, the calm and collected one to tease her like this but then again after sleeping together, they got a lot closer than before. Su Wan laughed and leaned her forehead against his chest, listening to his thumping heartbeat, which told her that he was just as affected by her as she was by him.
And how she wished that the afternoon would just pause right then and there, so she could stay a little longer, maybe forever in the warmest and safest hug she had in a while.
-
When Su Wan came out of the Xuan academy her eyes were obviously red, ever since she transmigrated, she had been staying with the brothers. They have been around her from the beginning like she was the focal point of their life or something like that- no she wasn't being narcissistic nor did she expects or have hopes that the brothers would stay with her all the time.
It was just her heart that was feeling a myriad of things as if she was leaving a part of herself behind maybe she was - in this world she was all alone and the Lin brothers gave her a sense of safety and in turn, maybe unconsciously she made them her entire world. Now her world had a void with Lin Rui leaving the house - she was reluctant to part with Lin Rui but this was for the best.
She sniffed and rubbed her nose. She knew she should have waited for her uncle and Lin Jing to return before leaving the Academy but she wanted some time alone, though Lin Rui cajoled her well. She wanted a few minutes to herself, to somehow temporarily fix the void she had in her heart and stomp on the reluctance that wouldn't leave her. Su Wan didn't want her uncle and Lin Jing to see her cry like a little brat whose doll was left behind, not that Lin Rui was a doll he was more important than that but you can catch her drift right?
"Oww" Su Wan who hasn't been paying attention knocked into something or more like someone. Startled she retreated back all prepared to apologise but when she looked up, she went face to face with the most unfriendly eyes that she has ever seen. The person she ran headlong with was a woman, though she looked young and with her immaculate makeup, she looked even younger but Su Wan was experienced enough to know that it was all fake. The woman might as well be wearing a mask because she wasn't anywhere as young as she made herself, her hands were old and withered and looked rough despite all the creams and powder that she applied on them.
The skin on her throat was waxy and shrunken - everything about the woman was old and ancient except her face. And that only made her weird, like crazy weird - like she was trying to escape death and ageing by doing all of this, Su Wan was so surprised at her appearance that she forgot to apologise, heck she even forgot to cry.
Not because she was judging the old woman, no but because of the intense glare, that old woman was directing her way like she wanted to swallow her up. Or more possibly maybe she was thinking of the most articulate way to silence her for once and for all.
Su Wan couldn't understand the hate that old woman was directing her, she didn't wake up this morning with an agenda to run into an old lady while she was moping as a child did she? Of course not! It was an accident so why was she glaring at her like she just robbed her of her husband?
" watch where you go, brat!" said the old woman, though Shen Junxi called her husbands the same thing. His tone was much friendlier and teasing, this woman's tone was anything but friendly. In fact, it was like she was trying to curse her - what the?
Then she brushed past Su Wan behind her were a bunch of good looking servants carrying her luggage.
Su Wan who finally got over her shock at being antagonised by a complete stranger, opened her mouth to say something stupid like " you watch where you are going, old hag" but by then the old lady has long walked away from her.
What the hell was that about huh?
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Chapter 353 - Hateful Old Hag
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
A/n: The beginning of Lin Yan's arc will be a bit long, and most of it would be in his pov.
Su Wan watched the figure go further away from her and her brows scrunched up, it was weird. She wasn't someone who would judge a person by their looks but this old woman - she was giving off a rather creepy vibe. Call it her intuition but something was seriously wrong with that old woman, Su Wan didn't want to go around circling such a small incident that happened because of her own mistake but she couldn't stop herself from glaring in the direction where the old woman walked of to, the anger and hatred she was feeling for that woman, it was all instinctive and Su Wan couldn't understand that she wasn't the brooding type and she would never get angry or upset just because someone scolded her - not to mention it was her fault, to begin with!
But she still found herself glaring at the woman, she hated her, despised her, as to why - Su Wan had no accountable reason for that, it was like the Universe was egging her on to hate that old hag.
She pursed her lips and rubbed her nose, before turning her gaze away from the back of the woman. She wasn't going to sulk just because of an unknown woman, even if her heart and gut seemed to hate that woman and was urging her to go and pick up a fight with that woman and show her who was the boss.
" Wan Wan, are you okay? Why did you come out before our return?" just now Lin Jing had seen Su Wan knocking into Su Wan, though he was a bit far away from the two. He could still make out the ancient face from afar, his heart nearly jumped up all the way to his throat when he recognised the woman. He couldn't believe what he was seeing- years ago after that incident, the woman left Dong Tong town and returned to the capital. At that time, Lin Jing thought that he would never see this woman ever again but she was back! Only Lin Jing knew how scared he was when he saw Su Wan standing close to that woman, his knees nearly buckled - that woman, he never wanted her near his family especially Lin Yan and Su Wan. Who knows what that crazy woman might do if she ever got her hands on Lin Yan again.
" I - I wanted some fresh air" responded Su Wan still glaring at the empty alley where the old woman has disappeared. She rubbed her nose and looked up at Lin Jing before softly chastising " I don't know who that crazy woman was, I just knocked into her unconsciously and she scolded me like I ate her babies! She was so rude too who was she looking down at? My clothes are cleaner than her face, I'm afraid if she knocks into someone, that person might get a white job done on their clothes! You didn't see her face, it was even whiter than a eunuch! Who is trying to fool - humph"
Su Wan never bothered about strangers nor did she talk badly about them behind their backs but that old woman - she just hated her too much! Just one glimpse of her face was enough to make Su Wan's teeth itch! Even now Su Wan was feeling so angry that she wanted to hit someone.
Lin Jing smiled, he knew that his wife was more observant than others. So, she must have picked on the creepy vibe that the old woman emitted no wonder she was so upset. However, it was still not safe for her to approach that woman " You are right. That woman was really ugly - but you should stay away from such people she looked like a bad person"
Su Wan rolled her eyes, feeling really surprised and annoyed at Lin Jing's words. He was treating her like a child! Stay away from strangers and don't eat what they give you - did she look like a fool? Of course, she would stay away from this kind of creepy stranger! But she knew he was only saying that because he was worried about her, so she nodded and agreed with him" I get it, I was just saying - that woman doesn't look like a good person. I don't know how to explain but she isn't"
" I know" how can she not be? If she wasn't a bad person then she wouldn't have done what she did to Lin Yan. Lin Jing's eyes flashed with a cold gleam as he shot a frigid look in the direction where that woman went to, he wanted to tell Su Wan about her identity but this wasn't his place to tell her something like that. It was Lin Yan and Lin Yan's own right to tell Su Wan about what happened to him because that nightmare was his, to begin with and so was his sufferings. Lin Jing wouldn't do justice to his pain because he never suffered what his brother did and only knew of surface details.
And if he told Su Wan who that woman was she would definitely rush after that woman, he knew she will. She was just like this overprotective of them like that, but right now they had no power especially not over that woman - and if she was back then it only meant that her husband who kept her in check was gone too.
He clenched his fists, he knew that the future was not going to be easy for them.
" let's go, we should return or else we might miss the cart back to the village. " said Lin Jing, though he knew Su Wan should know about Lin Yan's past and the identity of his tormentor. He should first discuss with it Lin Yan instead of running his mouth and scaring Su Wan. That woman was after all not easy.
-
Smash!
Lin Yu looked down at the teacup that shattered and then looked outside his window at the murky sky. His heart was at unease as he rubbed the knot churning in his stomach " this omen - I fear it's not good"
The clouds crackled and a rare cold shower in the middle of the winter drenched everything.
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Chapter 354 - No!
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
Lin Jing's expression was bad when he returned home with Su Wan though he tried to act as normal as he could, he even sent Su Wan to her room ignoring the inquisitive gaze Shen Junxi was directing in his way before he rushed to look for Lin Yan. His clothes were drenched, and so was his hair and he would shiver once in a while by the normal circumstances he should have gone to change his clothes but instead, he barged inside Lin Yan's room.
"Elder brother? what's wrong? Oh dear - you are soaked! What are you doing? Here take this and wipe your hair, I will bring some clothes for you but first drink this, it's hot ginger and sugar water it will warm you up in no time" Lin Yan was indeed very surprised when he saw that elder brother barged inside his room so suddenly but instead of asking him what was wrong, he fussed around. Too worried about his elder brother catching a cold " really, elder brother no matter how strong you are, you should at least take better care of yourself. What if you catch a cold? It will take no time for the fever to start burning you and your injuries are still healing, how can you be irresponsible? What if your wounds start festering -"
Lin Jing saw his brother fussing over him, and his heart ached even more. He was the elder brother but he couldn't even protect his younger brother but not this time - this time, they will be prepared. He wouldn't let his brother get hurt, but for them to be prepared, he need to tell Lin Yan about her. He didn't want to, the relaxed smile on his brother's face was too beautiful to smoke up but he knew he had no choice. So he, took a deep breath before he dropped the bomb " She is back - Luo Xin, she came back"
As Lin Jing expected, Lin Yan's smile completely vanished as if it wasn't even there and - Bang! The teapot that Lin Yan was holding on to fell on the ground with a loud crash spilling its content all over the floor. The ginger water was still hot but Lin Yan whose clothes were drenched with it, looked like he couldn't even feel it. His face had gone whiter than a ghost and he was trembling, lips to toes.
Lin Jing had to physically locomote him to away from the hot water puddle before Lin Yan dangerously burned himself. He squeezed the hot ginger water from Lin Yan's clothes and did the same with the hem as he crouched down. He could see his brother's struggle as he tried to calm himself down. Lin Jing could feel his heart wrench and then plunge in the bottom of his stomach, eight years or so have gone by after that happened but his brother was still the same. Still locked up in his own prison of fear, shame and humiliation - his brother shouldn't be the one suffering from these emotions, Luo Xin should be the one - she should be the one who should feel guilty for ruining his brother, she wasn't. She was still free and his brother was the one who was trapped in his own nightmares.
" she won't hurt you, I won't let you," said Lin Jing as he placed his hand on top of Lin Yan's hand " I - big brother will protect you but Ah Yan, I think you should tell Wan Wan about this and by telling her I mean everything that the woman did to you so that she won't make light of Luo Xin like Luo Chenxi"
For most of his elder brother speech, Lin Yan remained mum but when he heard his brother asking him to tell everything that happened to him, to Su Wan he jumped up and shrieked " NO! You are not allowed to tell her! You will not! You can't do that! Anything but that -"
" calm down, Yan - I'm just trying to protect the two of you it's the best for both of you-"
But Lin Yan didn't listen to a thing Lin Jing said, he had been off women for most of his life. He was good looking, and if he wanted he could have had his own fair share of women but he didn't, he couldn't. Finally, he was able to find a woman whom he liked without worrying about his disgust for other women, even though he was being tracked down by his stalker tormentor.
Luo Xin was the reason that he couldn't get close to women that he couldn't bring himself to chose a decent woman to get married to when he was in his teens. And he didn't want to talk about her or anything related to her, much less tell Su Wan about how dirty he exactly was - that would be torturous. Maybe by the time he finished telling Su Wan what Luo Xin did to him, she would be so disgusted that she would break away from him. Though he told her an overview of his past but that was simply skimming through the majority of it.
The worst - even he couldn't himself bear to remember.
Lin Yan closed his eyes and bit his lips, after what happened with Luo Xin, he was scared of everything and most of all He was afraid of losing Su Wan.
"She won't judge you, she is not like that-"
" how do you know that?" snapped Lin Yan, not able to take it anymore. " how do you know it? Do you even have any idea what that woman had done to me? You don't right? Then how do you know that she won't judge me?"
Lin Jing opened his mouth but Lin Yan held his hand up " I don't - I don't want to talk about this right now, give me some time. I will think about it and decide what I have to do "
Lin Jing wanted to say something more but he closed his mouth and nodded. Maybe he should give Lin Yan some time to cool off his mind and understand that his suggestion was indeed right.. Su Wan was not a judgemental woman, she didn't judge when Lin Yan told half of his past and she wouldn't judge him if he unravelled his entire past.
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Chapter 355 - Wanted To Die
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
Lin Yan's life has always revolved around his family, he had never thought of leaving his family but then his greedy old hag of a grandmother sent him to the Fu family. He was sent in such a flurry that Lin Yan didn't even get the time to pack his clothes, not that he got any time to pack his things when he ran away from that house. And currently, lying on his bed, Lin Yan wanted to cry, cry until he couldn't cry anymore. He had spent years suppressing those memories, that pain he went through and all the assorted ache that he had in his heart was now bursting through his heart. He had once left it all behind but now his past was catching up to him now.
He sighed and sat up straight rubbing his face as he thought about what he needed to do from now on, telling Su Wan the truth - it wasn't possible. The truth she wouldn't be able to bear it, He himself couldn't bear it - there were times when he wished he died under the hands of that woman and didn't live a life where he was always feeling guilty of his existence.
But even his death wouldn't have been able to save him because death in the hands of Luo Xin would have meant losing his chastity, something he wasn't willing to do.
Lin Yan had countless thoughts, a part of him wanted to tell Su Wan everything but the other half was too scared to see her disgusted gaze - he couldn't, he could never accept being hated by her. That would be as good as killing him - if Su Wan despised him for his past, his dirty body then she might as well plunge a knife in his heart and end his suffering for once and for all.
And truthfully, he wouldn't even blame her on the contrary he would thank her!
And to think this was just beginning! Luo Xin hadn't even come to look for him and he was already thinking of the most painless way to die.
How funny!
Lin Yan chuckled, a mocking sneer curling his lips " ah how many years has it been? Ah yes, more than six or eight?" he didn't remember the exact timeline because he didn't want to remember it at all. But he did remember Luo Xin, thin and muscular - in her late forties but somehow managed to hide her age with all the make-up she applied. Her hair has always been tied up in a chignon, her cheekbones were sharp enough to kill someone and her eyes - God her eyes, even their memory made him tremble. Lin Yan rubbed his arms as a painful memory, a long-suppressed memory wrenched itself out of the lid he had placed on those memories.
The one where he was kneeling and Luo Xin was sitting in front of him in nothing but her undergarments as she played and pressed his member with her foot, her obsessive gaze drilling into his body as she spread her legs " pick it up" she has said as she motioned to the jade cylindrical stick " and thrust it in - remember to thrust it well or else I would have to return the favour"
Lin Yan had been sick, sick to his core. He was sent as a menial worker, not as a boy toy of course he couldn't do what she asked and what was the result? She returned the way.
Even now just thinking about it made his entire body burn with embarrassment.
Him crouching on his four, butt naked, his ass spread apart and something cold being - he shook his head not wanting to remember it at all but Luo Xin's chilling and vulgar words still rang in his mind.
" you worry me Yan, such a small job and you couldn't even do that? What a shame- let me teach you how it's done. So you won't make the same mistake ever again "
Lin Yan laid back down, as humiliation washed over him. He covered his face and warm, hot tears escaped past the cracks of his fingers, no he could never tell Su Wan that, even if his life was hanging by a thread he wouldn't tell Su Wan that, because even he couldn't stop but hate himself for surviving that, how can he expect Su Wan to keep loving him when she finds out that her husband managed to save his chastity but lost everything else.
Everything he had was gone, even his chastity was dirty - like a broken chastity.
-
Lin Yan knew that he couldn't let anyone find out what was going on in his mind. So despite the murky sky dampening his spirits, he still walked out of his room and cooked an entire feast, like he was happy, normal and completely fine. He wasn't, every time Su Wan looked at him with her gaze full of trust and love, He felt sick, nauseous and could hardly eat another bite.
He didn't want to worry Su Wan and thus forced himself to eat his share. For the first time he was thankful for Shen Junxi being at their house because if he wasn't here then tonight was his chance to sleep with Su Wan - with his current condition, how can he bring himself to look at Su Wan? Much less touch her? Even if he forces himself, he couldn't have gotten past kissing her - his past was catching up and his sickness was acting up.
Throughout the dinner, Lin Yan ignored Lin Jing's gaze and avoided looking at his elder brother all together. And it was with a rather alarming grace that he cleaned up the table and went to the backyard to clean the dishes.
The snow was still just as thick as it was in the morning, if anything it got even worse at night. Lin Yan looked at the falling snow, and sighed - right now he wanted to lock himself up and sleep but maybe he wouldn't be able to sleep at all. Luo Xin's memories will haunt him - he was certain of that, he couldn't sleep alone because he was afraid but he couldn't even sleep with someone either - his situation was so troublesome!
Lin Yan picked one of the dirty bowls and started cleaning when something loud, alarming and weird came hurling from somewhere and landed right next to him -hitting the window in its wake with a loud 'thwack!'.
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Chapter 356 - [Bonus ]
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
Really really dark theme - skip if you were uncomfortable in the last chap I forgot to add warning -
Lin Yan turned his head in the direction of the thing that hit the window. His heart thumping wildly as he dropped the bowl in his hands back into the water vat, Lin Yan knew that he shouldn't even get closer to the thing but his damned pride wouldn't let him ignore it. He didn't want anyone else to see it, and if this thing came from the person he has thought it came from then he didn't want to make him look like a coward. He didn't want to show his fear, didn't want to let Luo Xin know that she still terrorized him.
If he did that then it will only give her more power over him.
Lin Yan walked closer to the thing hurled, as he crouched down he realised it was a paper wrapped in a rock the size of a baby's fist. He picked it up and looked around, forcing himself to look proud, arrogant and unafraid as he always did - it wasn't so difficult either. With his cold face as long as he didn't show any expression no one would know what he was feeling, he surveyed his surroundings and called out " who is it? What kind of prank is this? Are you looking for trouble? Get out of here!"
With that, he threw the rock out of the house and turned around leaving the dishes behind. Right now, he had no intention to wash these dishes, not that he could - his heart was jumping in his chest, he was afraid that he might end up fainting right here and now.
He opened the back door of the kitchen and walked inside but before he could shut the door shut, the stone came flying towards him again and landed right in front of him.
Lin Yan looked down at the stone and closed the door with a bang, he knew that he couldn't create a fuss or everyone would realise that something was wrong with anyone, which was why she was doing this, she knew he wouldn't tell anyone or let them know that she was stalking him - again.
Lin Yan wanted to burn the paper without looking at it but as he picked it up, the paper that seemed to have been crumpled up in a tight ball unravelled itself.
His eyes widened at the first sentence, he wanted to stop looking but he couldn't - he gulped, looking away. His cheeks flaming not because of the embarrassment but because of sheer humiliation and shame.
Luo Xin didn't sign it but Lin Yan knew who it was from her, he knew who was the one who sent this letter. That psychotic tormentor of his -Luo Xin.
He took a deep breath and with trembling hands picked up the paper it was not a letter, it wasn't even a threat. It was pure filth - in the paper, he didn't know how she did it but Luo Xin seemed to have drawn a rather horrific and disgusting picture of him. In the picture he was completely naked, bound and gagged, with obvious fear and terror in his eyes.
It was clear that while imagining this, Luo Xin didn't once think of ' consent' , maybe she didn't even know what it was because every man she had in her so-called harem was
brought there against his will. Like him.
Lin Yan looked at the picture and the more he realised how disgusting it was, he was bound - his hands tied up, his member bounded in a stupid tool of her and of course, he was penetrated.
And then it happened before he knew it. Tsunami-like nausea as bile surged up his throat. It came out without a warning and luckily they had a dustbin in the kitchen and Lin Yan emptied his half-eaten dinner in it until nothing was left in his stomach. He felt like he has vomited for an entire eternity, his stomach was heaving as if wanting to come out and his throat was all shrunken and narrowed as he heaved wanting to empty his already empty stomach.
He slid down on the ground and wiped his mouth, feeling more exhausted than ever. He threw the letter in the burning fire watching the once white paper turn black, the entire paper churned and shrivelled up displaying - those horrific words.
-' missed me?'
He pushed himself off the ground and then stumbling he dragged his feet, trying to get to his room as soon as he could. He needed a long sleep, a long painless sleep where everything that just happened was nothing more than a dream. Because the reality was too scary for him to face.
-
" I am sorry!" a stream of cursed words left his mouth as he wiped the kitchen after spilling the entire dish that they were working on after doing the rookie mistake of trying to pick up the pan with his bare hands despite knowing how stupid it was.
" oh my God, are you okay?" Su Wan didn't know what happened today they were supposed to make fesenjan, a special dish that she learned in her modern life - the process was simple all they needed was to make a walnut paste and some pomegranate concentrate and everything was easy, squeezy lemon squeezy but somehow Lin Yan couldn't just get the hang of it, he could learn so many difficult dishes from her but now such a small dish he was having trouble with?
" I'm sorry" repeated Lin Yan as he wiped the counter.
Su Wan frowned and then stopped him from hurting himself, even more, she grasped his hands that have gone red because of the accident, clearly, he was burnt and hurt himself yet he was busy apologising, cursing and acting crazy- what was wrong with him?
However, Lin Yan seemed to have not hurt her, he kept moving. Seeing his maniacal like outburst, Su Wan couldn't help but tighten her hold on his hands which were so red that they seemed to be dripping blood " just stop Yan! What are you doing? Are you in your correct senses what are you doing ?"
Earlier Lin Yan hadn't heard her because he was too engrossed in the incident of last night - but when Su Wan grasped on his hands tightening her hold, he snapped out of his daze.
He looked up at her suddenly feeling like he has gone mad, Su Wan was right in front of him yet he was back on his old habits of hurting himself to erase his guilt?
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Chapter 357 - Scream
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
" stop" repeated Su Wan and Lin Yan stopped not because he wanted to but because her grip on his hands was a lot more hurtful now that his mind was back to his senses. He looked up and swallowed because Su Wan looking at him with that inquisitive stare that he didn't like one bit, she was confused most likely not understanding what was wrong with him.
How can she when you didn't tell her? sneered his consciousness. Lin Yan wished that his consciousness would just go up a cliff and jump down it because it was all because of it that he was so miserable.
His days were getting better and better, weren't the officials building a bridge in the next village or something? Maybe he should go there and try his luck, if his luck was really this bad then maybe the bridge would fall right on top of him and end his misery.
" you are hurt," said Su Wan though she wanted to ask what was wrong with Lin Yan. They had a lot more to worry about his weirdness, though he was staring at her with a blank face, fingers still twitching because of the sheer torture they had to suffer when Lin Yan went ahead and grabbed a blazing hot pot with them. Distantly, she registered that Lin Yan's hands were sticky and warm. He dropped the pot when it was still on the stove which meant it was hot - really hot. And he didn't flinch instead he rushed to clean up the mess.
Su Wan didn't know what was wrong with him, she literally had no idea. Lin Yan was acting weird since the morning, he was completely out of it and the most important thing was that he didn't even go out yesterday. There was no way, he would be this shaken up by his brothers, was there? She wanted to ask what was wrong with him, shake the answers out of his throat but first, she needed to treat his burns. The sight of his red skin was burning her eyes as well.
" alright out with it, What's wrong? why are you acting like you just got caught stealing " said Su Wan as she slowly and softly cleaned Lin Yan's burned skin " you are acting like someone is chasing you... is everything okay?"
Lin Yan didn't know how to respond, he so freaking wanted to jump ten feet high in the air. However, he managed to tame his jumpy nerves as he grinned " it's nothing, I just had a very bad dream - you know something about your uncle chasing me with a cleaver or something"
What Lin Yan didn't say was that he would have loved to have this dream instead of the nightmare he had last night. After the prank that Luo Xin pulled on him, he was too afraid to even close his eyes. And when his body couldn't take it anymore and closed on its own - he was back in that dark room tied to ropes with that she monster in front of him.
Though Lin Yan pretended that he was fine something still bothered Su Wan. His smile was the same and so was he, but today his smile bothered Su Wan on a visceral level.
" Are you sure?"
" Yeah, it was just my mind - nothing, I mean I was acting a bit like a scatter rain. Everyone has those days don't they?"
" well they do but-"
" exactly, let's go and prepare the breakfast or Lin Chen would come hounding asking us to bring his breakfast - and I don't want to listen to his babbling about how we are starving him, that's so annoying right?"
' no, Lin Chen is not someone who babbles. He charges in, snatches what he wants and then leaves but babbling, no he wasn't the babbling type but as for you' thought Su Wan as she stared at Lin Yan's hurrying back. Something was up even if her husband wouldn't tell her, she knew he was hiding something.
Lin Yan knew he messed up now he had two inquisitive gazes locked on him. He didn't have the slightest bit of idea how he finished his breakfast, of course since he burned his hands by ' accident', the cleaning job was taken over by Lin Chen who volunteered after seeing his hands wrapped in thick gauze. Of course, Su Wan's explanation of his stupidity helped.
So, he was free. With no bowls to clean and it's being physically impossible for him to go to the restaurant.
Lin Yan wanted to sleep again to fill up the sleep that he missed on but as he laid down on the bed, he couldn't even close his eyes. He rolled here and then rolled there before jumping up and walking out of his room.
He needed to breathe some fresh air or else ge might go mad. He left his room and went to the front yard - generally he always took a walk in the back yard but after yesterday night's incident he was too scared to go there alone. So he came here in the front where he could see everyone and everything coming and going. Here, Luo Xin wouldn't come to attack him because as a rich woman who has a decent business in the town and capital she too has an image to withhold. There was no chance for her to stand on the road in front of his house and -
His train of thoughts paused, he just walked past by Lin Yu's room when he felt someone's presence behind him. His breath hitched as he tried to stable his shaky hands but it was no good - All he could focus on was the presence behind him looming like a death harbinger, dark and menacing, it wanted him. He couldn't move a finger nor could he bring himself to look who was behind him . He couldn't move. He felt like he was trapped.
He felt his demons escape and touch him in the most intimate way he could think of .
And he screamed.
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Chapter 358 - His Demons
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
" Damn! What's the matter with you second brother?"
All the senses that have given up on him started to return, all the voices returned to him like a crashing tide and his demons were shackled back in the hell where they belonged.
He turned around, his legs cramping as he slowly turned around to look at Lin Yu. The person behind him was Lin Yu, not Luo Xin. He was neither dark nor looming and most definitely not menacing. Currently, Lin Yu was scowling heavily as he stared at him with questionable and annoying expressions. He was on the ground and most probably stumbled because of his sudden scream. Pointing to the brush and paintings, Lin Yu spoke " what in the world is wrong with you? Since last night you are acting weird like you are sitting on pins and needles! Why did you have to scream so suddenly? You gave me such a scare that I tripped on my own foot! What did I do? Are you still mad at me for burying third brother in the snow? I told you I'm sorry there is no need for you to make me eat snow!"
Lin Yu was really annoyed, he was just walking to his room dammit! Was that a crime? His brother screamed so suddenly that he tripped face first in the snow! Lin Yu spluttered the snow that got in his mouth then looked up at his second brother who looked at him with starry eyes? Huh? Why was he staring at him like he was some courageous knight who saved him - the princess? What's going on?
" Are you okay second brother? " Lin Yu couldn't help but ask. He wasn't being insensitive when that happened to Lin Yan, Lin Yu was really young and he didn't know what happened to his second brother and no one told him either. And Because Lin Yan was really sensitive no one bought the topic up - Lin Yu only knew that his second brother was bullied and the woman who bullied him was already gone.
As for how much he knew - it was all censored by the four brothers who didn't want to tell something so ugly and sinister to their younger brother and Lin Yan was too ashamed to tell something like that to his younger brother as well.
It was his greatest shame!
" it's nothing, I'm just getting bored of staying at home and wanted to relieve some of my frustration," said Lin Yan as he helped Lin Yu up, then he picked up everything that Lin Yu had dropped and handed it to him " are you okay?"
"I am fine," said Lin Yu with a wince, his leg was hurting even more of the winter and the fall only made things worse for him but he couldn't take his anger out on his elder brother could he? " are you sure that's the case? Or you are trying to hide something? That was quite a scream"
Lin Yan smiled and waved the matter away, how was he supposed to tell Lin Yu about this? He said something ubiquitous and walked away.
He went back to his room, afraid that he might get scared of someone's shadow next and started at the wall of his room. He didn't know what was wrong with him, it has been year's but he was still jumping on tenterhooks at the slightest mention of Luo Xin. If Lin Yan was a man of the modern world he would have known that what he was experiencing was post-traumatic stress disorder. An ordeal that was developed when one got involved in physical trauma or any threat of corporal harm. It could be characterized as repeated nightmares, flashbacks and an urge to flee.
Lin Yan swallowed and picked up the jug from the table next to his bed. With trembling hands, he brought the cup to his lips and took a nice long sip - with Luo Xin's return he was now on the verge of losing it all. He was living with an intangible terror that wouldn't just budge. Like a ghost, it was following him and the worst thing about this was that it made him remember the time when he was suicidal.
Such things they take a permanent hold on you without you knowing about them. Back then, these things had put him in a dazed hold, Lin Yan couldn't make half of what was going around him - his mind went hazy and then one day he couldn't hold on.
And tried to kill himself.
He couldn't because Lin Jing protected him and brought him back from the gates of Hell.
Lin Yan appreciated it, because after he nearly offed himself. He realised that his actions were no less than that of a coward, a loser who didn't even stop to think about what would happen to his family after he was gone. After that Lin Yan never had such thoughts, even now he wasn't feeling suicidal instead he was feeling something that he always felt when he was trapped in the Luo house.
Terror.
It was practically embedded in his very soul. Hidden itself behind his heart and was now flowing in his blood.
Lin Yan wanted Luo Xin to come out so that he could deal with her for once and for all but he also wanted her to stay away from where he wouldn't have to see her but if he didn't deal with her now then these games would never end.
" damnit! " snapped Lin Yan rubbing his face as he fell back on his bed, to not be able to control his life. Again. How fucked up it was?
He didn't want to live in fear forever, he too had a woman to love, whom he adored and liked but his fears wouldn't let him get close to her! Even more so now, right now he couldn't even bring himself to think of kissing Su Wan - not because he was disgusted by her for being a woman but by himself for being too dirty and disgusting!
In these past few years, he has barely learned how to have a better hold on his emotions. And now Luo Xin's return - this newfound fear was back.
" Yan" the way she said his name, Lin Yan didn't even have to look at her. Her tone cleared all his doubts and he knew that Su Wan was here to question him. She meant business.
Most probably she heard him scream.
Fuck.
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Chapter 359 - Question That I Can't Answer
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
Lin Yan didn't want to act or say anything that might hurt Su Wan but he knew that she wouldn't back down without a fight, so he sighed and sat up straight, looking into her eyes was a physical torment at its worst but Lin Yan understood that he needed to face this, he weakly smiled and said: " you want something, Wan Wan?"
" Sorry, if I disturbed you," said Su Wan eyeing him cautiously as if trying to make something out of his expression. Something that might help her in understanding what was wrong with him but nothing, she couldn't get anything because his expression was a mask of complete calm " I wanted to talk to you, will that be alright?"
Lin Yan nodded trying to control his heart rate that was going totally out of control, as he looked at her and motioned her to go on.
" you dropped this while you were screaming for your life," said Su Wan as she unfurled his hands and placed the red string that he always tied around his wrist. After he nearly killed himself, his mother despite being sick when to the temple in the next village. It was a Temple where the devotee had to kowtow harshly on the stairs of the temple each time they took a step forward. His mother was worried about him being cursed or being haunted so she desperately tried to protect him in her own way, this red string what was she got after she finished kowtowing a hundred steps all the way up the mountain where the temple was situated.
He couldn't believe that he lost it, he has been wearing it for years ever since he was a teen but now the old string seemed to have given up. It was torn, most probably after so many years it's thread got frayed so much that they couldn't hold anymore but to think that it broke now when he needed the heavenly protection the most.
Lin Yan clasped the string in his hand and put it in his pocket, even though he could no longer wear it. He looked up and his gaze met with Su Wan who was eyeing him " is there anything else you want ?"
" Actually, yes," said Su Wan as she crossed her arms and sat on the stool next to his bed " I would like to know why exactly, a healthy, normal man started screaming like he was being butchered in the middle of a beautiful afternoon"
" that - that um...that's because -" damn what was he supposed to tell her " I was just trying to release my stress nothing more"
He thought that Su Wan who was eyeing him would blow up. Demand answers from him but instead, she just smiled, and not just smiled - she gave him a smile that made his knees buckle even though he was sitting on his bed. Wow, that was something new, he could still think of her as beautiful instead of thinking that she was as disgusting as Luo Xin - maybe he wasn't in as much trouble as he thought he was?
" Really?" said Su Wan
" yes, I am more of an outgoing type of guy, I don't like being trapped at the house. And because of the heavy snow that's exactly where I am trapped and I just got a bit frustrated and you know. . ." he trailed off, trying to look away from Su Wan's gorgeous face. He couldn't bring himself to lie to her when she stared at him like she knew he was a lying little bitch but she was still willing to pamper him. Never before did he feel like this, before Su Wan every woman was nothing but an undeniable work of an ass to him, no matter how attractive he would always find them ugly and unattractive but Su Wan was different. Even though he was scared, and repulsed by the idea of a woman being with him, touching him - he was still utterly drawn to Su Wan.
Su Wan raised her eyebrows like she knew that he was feeding her bullcrap and yet she didn't push him like she was giving him time to adjust and come out on his own " if you are that frustrated then maybe we should go on a walk or something? Why don't we -"
" No!" said Lin Yan refusing her suggestion at once, Luo Xin was out there keeping an eye on him. Who knows what she might do if she saw Su Wan with him, though he knew that there was a highly likely chance that she already knew about Su Wan. Lin Yan didn't want to give her an opportunity to hurt his wife " I mean it's too cold and your health is not great as well so why take a risk?"
" you mean to say that you are so bored you are actually screaming like a maniac, but still don't want to get out of the house and do something ?" asked Su Wan her eyes narrowing ever so slightly.
" that- that's sound about right"
" you do realise that every time you speak you are only further contradiction yourself, right? " mused Su Wan and Lin Yan nearly jumped like a rabbit with how he was shaking his leg due to his anxiety. Suddenly, Su Wan moves really closer to him, so that he could see nothing but her starry eyes.
" Really? I don't think so" Lin Yan wasn't willing to give in either, even though he was practically being sandwiched between the headboard of his bed and his wife.
Su Wan shrugged," you know you are looking very upset, Yan" her breath got against his cheek " and as your wife, I think I might like it if I could make you more comfortable" she reached for his cheek and cupped his face.
Lin Yan shivered unconsciously, he never knew that Su Wan eyes were as dark as an abyss. Somehow, they were gauging his soul out of his body and turning him into something else, as his breathing quickened.
But he couldn't touch her, he was afraid that his body might react opposite to how he wanted it to react.
" I...I am fine thank you" under her hypnotic gaze Lin Yan's will almost broke, he didn't know what to say when she was cupping his face, and tracing her fingers on his cheek like this " but if you want, I would like to buy a few new locks, can I do that ?"
" is that so? Are you trying to keep someone out ?" said Su Wan jolting him out of his thoughts at once. He looked away from her eyes and shook his head.
" of course, I don't, that's not - the old locks are too poor and -" he made a countable number of excuses and he knew that Su Wan could of course tell that because his response was a bit too vehement.
It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her but he was afraid of implicating her.
Su Wan narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing him like a criminal in charge, her stare was so pressurising that Lin Yan thought that he might be sentenced to death any second now . But didn't back down and eventually she stopped
.
"Alright Yan, I will take some money out and let someone buy a new lock for you."
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Chapter 360 - Nightmare
Name：Shrewd wife of Lin brothers Author：fairytail72
Su Wan didn't pursue the matter and Lin Yan thought that she managed the entire thing really well. He thought that maybe he fooled her or maybe he was able to dodge the bullet but that was until he woke up screaming hours later on his bed like he was being chased by a beast. His nightmares. Except there was no beast but Luo Xin.
Rigidly, he sat up straight in his bed. Despite the cold weather, he was sweating buckets of ice-cold sweat. As the remnants of his dream danced in front of his eyes like a vicious demon, taunting him for being too weak, for being too despicable as to keep Su Wan by his side when he clearly didn't have the right to. He tried to shove off his memories, tried to calm his heart repeatedly telling himself that he wasn't at the Fu estate and Luo Xin wasn't in his room.
But the threatening letter that he received last night was starting to get to him already.
He dreamed of Luo Xin, that she trapped him again like she did years before - alone and helpless. " you belong to me" she had whispered in his ears while licking his cheek with that horrible weathering tongue of hers " and tonight I'm going to show you just that"
That was the last thing he had heard before he stabbed her in the shoulder and ran away. She had bruised and left him bloody after an hour of whipping but the thought of such a monster touching him alone was enough to make his entire body burn with a need to escape for his life despite the blood dripping down his wounds.
He didn't have to be a genius to know what would have happened if didn't stab and run - she would have ra*ed him.
He heaved, trying to catch his breath. His heart was thumping so wildly in his chest that Lin Yan was sure it was going to burst out of his body, he could feel bile rising up his throat and his head was getting dizzy with each passing second as he tried to grasp on the reality and wrench his mind out of his nightmare.
Everything - Everything was so fucked up. Luo Xin, her letters, his memories started to swim in front of his eyes. And for the second time in his life, Lin Yan felt as if he had no control over his own life. Like his own life didn't belong to him but someone else, frustrated he grabbed the teapot next to his bed and flung it against the wall watching it shatter into pieces just like him.
And then he screamed again, not out of fear but irritation. Why? Why won't she just leave him alone? Was it because of his face? Then should he destroy his face? Burn it? Scar it?
" Damn it!" why was it that he was still thinking about harming himself instead of hurting the one who was the cause of it?
Because you can't touch her, sneered a voice in his head. Of course, he couldn't touch her, she was different from him, she was rich, privileged and protected. He couldn't barge in her house and ruin her life as she did to his, unlike her who could stand outside of his house or send someone to do her dirty bidding, Lin Yan had no such privilege. Because he was poor while she was not - fucking privilege of being rich!
If Luo Xin wanted she could ruin him, his family and his wife. She could easily overpower him by either kidnapping him or threatening him with the life of his loved ones.
Easily. So fucking easily. And he can't do anything against her...
Lin Yan covered his face and was thinking about whether to shed his pretences and cry like a baby when there was a knock on his door. He jumped, staring at his own door like it was a demon before he scampered around the room like a mouse trying to look for anything to fight against his predator. He winced, cursing himself for being too much of a wimp, his younger brothers were a hundred times better than him, they could scheme but would never be schemed against and even if they got schemed against, they were powerful enough to subdue the culprit but him - heh, not only his face was girly, even his strength was more girly than a girl!
The chance of the person outside his door being someone sent by Luo Xin was fairly high...he looked around but then he realised that he was too stupid. He didn't hide a weapon to protect himself, he was just contemplating whether he should break his beloved tea table to make a weapon for self-defence.
When he heard Su Wan's voice.
" Yan are you in there?"
Was that really Su Wan or someone war impersonating her voice?
" Yan are you in there? Open the door!" well that sounded like Su Wan but what was she doing standing in front of his door so late at night? Only then did he realise that maybe he wasn't able to fool Su Wan as well as thought he did.
" YAN!" shouted Su Wan though her voice was still low as if she was afraid to wake others up " you better open the door or I will come inside on my own"
Lin Yan stiffened, he looked at his reflection in the water jug kept on his tea table, he looked pale, his lips were trembling and yea he looked like he was a clammy piece of scaredy work, nope not gonna see his wife when he was like this," I'm fine, go back and sleep " dear lord was this his own voice? He sounded like he was having a bad cold! It was that shallow and weak. So he cleared his throat and in a very bad acting of a tough guy he shouted " I am fine, you can go back "
How can Su Wan go back? If she went back then she wouldn't be Su Wan!