One self aware-ful mistake
Leading towards a deep pit filled with painful needles and arrows
Made by the contradicting question
" Do you really love me? "
I'm taken >aback<
Feeling my heart beat as if it were hit by a drumstick
Deep needles and pins made from metal, wood, rock
Deep bullet wounds devotedly dig themselves into my skin
It continuously misuses me like a serial killer let on the loose
I ask every insignificant part of my body
Why does this question strikes me in such an austere way
It moves around reckless
Damaging the tissues around it
The strings cut loosely
Scars left and right
Left deeply in contemplation
Figuring out how to voice all the knives jabbed into me all at once
Many cuts and slits leaving a past love that can only do so much
But within love, pain is followed with it
Deep connections like grave vines
Watered down by pesticides
Chemicals eating my skin alive
As my thoughts are once again corrupted
Only replaying a part distant to any other pain
Each one layering another shell of unresolved trauma
While I stand there spiritually and emotionally naked
I sit back in thought
While my head sinks underwater
Full of profound thoughts
Only ever seen within our reflections
With the mirrors our apartments required
I answer " how could I not love you? "
How could anyone look and say
They didn't see your light
A beautiful soul
In this existence
Past lives filled with sorrow
With a future that'd shine across room
Filled with the things I'd never received as a child
No insignificant existence could ever out maneuver you
The way you make a creation deeply profoundly wounded
Bloody weapons, scars, blood haul across my clothes
Filled with engraved thorns
I have only met one soul that has re-lived the animation of mine
And that title
The crown is truly yours
Viruses now spawn continuously inside of my head
Havoc's of fear now caused
By the moments where we fight
Now I obtain a face filled with only alarm
As my feelings form into one
I only feel trepidation
Scared of losing the only soul who has
Comforted me like clothes that layer on top of your skin
Only leaving a sense of warmth
A warmth that all the cold winters have not gave me
Despite my walls each with their own names
Depression, Anxiety, BPD, Rapid attachment, Separation anxiety, Fear of loss, Fear
Walls caused to ignore the pain
Only to cause an indefinite amount of pain
Constantly broken down by the own creation it was meant to keep away
Building walls for my heart to ignore all the pain
Although the walls will be crushed by the weight of the wounds
Never enough to make how much " i love you " go away.