Bram and Briar had left shortly thereafter, leaving Ezryn alone at the table, quietly laughing at herself.
Of course she had killed his brother. Of course he would want revenge. She knew that feeling all too well. She wanted to grab him and shake him by the shoulders and tell him that revenge will get him nowhere...but she couldn't. She knew she deserved it. Her father did too. Ezryn was glad that he was dead now. But it did nothing to ease the pain of losing her child, or the pain of remembering how soft her hair was or how warm her skin used to be. It didn't give her back those thousands of sleepless nights, it didn't cleanse the never-ending blood on her hands, nor did it heal her skin. It did not and could not change the past.
As for being capable of love, Ezryn knew she was. She loved Kalea. She loved her brother, Kahn. At one point, she loved Aramis. But what was she supposed to do with that? To love was a privilege... one she didn't deserve.
Flashes of Adler's face surfaced in her memory and all she could think about was getting to him and Segan. However, she had no clue of what was to happen after that. Where would they go? How would they live? Would Segan eventually leave to return to his family? Would it end with only her and Adler? Probably.
And why did Segan care so much about her? Why did he stay?
Ezryn sighed and buried her face in her hands. Those were things she would have to ask Segan about. Questions for another day. She couldn't answer everything on her own, and that frustrated her even more.
To have practically zero answers and little control was her foil. She could no longer avoid her dream, and the vision with Bram only solidified that fact. There was something important about it. Something that she was missing.
She was still concerned about Kahn, about why he seemed so off, about how he seemed so...cold. And she was worried that something might happen to Aramis. She had asked him to look into it, and if something were to happen to him, it would be her fault. Like always, it would be her fault.
Someone tapped softly on Ezryn's shoulder, their voice a hesitant whisper. "Keir?"
Ezryn jerked her head up, coming face to face with Kitarni and a girl with puffy brown hair.
"Hi, mister."
Ezryn's eyes immediately softened and she smiled at the child. "Syera, yes?"
She nodded her head vigorously.
Kitarni grinned, her eyes tired and face worn. "I guess you know each other?"
Ezryn gave her a quick nod.
"Good, well...I was wondering if you could take care of her for a bit? I just have to run a quick errand. It'll only take an hour or so."
"Alright. I'll watch her."
Kitarni sighed in relief and pat Syera's head. "Thank you. I'll be back as fast as I can." She hurried out of the tavern, the door slamming behind her.
Ezryn looked down at the girl in front of her and tilted her head. "Where'd you come from?"
"Uh...Miss Kit said I could join everyone on the trip to Brina."
Ezryn's eyebrows furrowed. "Why? Where is your family?"
"What makes you think I have a family."
"You were trying to steal two loaves of bread."
The girl's smile faded. "I don't have a family anymore."
Ezryn stayed quiet, reading the girl's emotions. Her eyes avoided Ezryn's, focusing only on her shuffling feet.
She clearly didn't want to talk about it. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"
Syera immediately brightened at the change of subject and leaned forward. "Can we go see the horses?"
The corner of Ezryn's mouth twitched up. "Uh...yes? Let's go find them. I want to check on Cyrus, anyway." Ezryn stood up from her chair and reached out her hand.
Syera shuffled away. "I'm practically grown. Grown-ups don't hold hands."
Ezryn flexed her hand and tucked it into the pocket of her trousers. It was only habit.
Ezryn pushed open the tavern door and led Syera out past the groups of mingling people. She spotted a red-faced Mairsile talking to the same man from earlier and waved at her.
Mairsile smiled back and motioned for Ezryn to come closer. She sidled up next to her, Syera tucking herself behind Ezryn's back.
"Keir, this is Enver. He'll be joining us on our trip."
Ezryn stuck her hand out for the man to shake and he took it gladly, a proud grin on his face. He was a stocky man with a hooked nose, heavy brows, and dark scruff around his mouth and chin.
"It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry for not introducing myself to you before. It's been an awfully long day."
As he spoke, Ezryn's attention was drawn to a small mole at the top of his right smile line. "Don't fret over it. I was told you were being honored for your bravery? I'm very glad to be around such wonderful people."
He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Thank you. You are definitely something as well. Remind me not to get on your bad side. I always lose to Bram. I would definitely lose to you."
Ezryn smiled and paused to look behind her, feeling Syera tug on her shirt. "Oh. Um...where are the stables? I was gonna go check on my horse and let him meet Syera."
Mairsile raised her eyebrows. "Syera?"
She poked her head out from behind Ezryn's back and waved. "Hi."
"Oh! Hi, there. You can call me Mair, if you want." Mairsile looked at Ezryn curiously. "Where'd she come from?"
"Kitarni wanted me to keep an eye on her while she went somewhere. I'm not exactly sure why."
Mairsile glanced at Enver and pursed her lips. "Interesting. Alright. I'll walk you to the stables. Do you want to tag along, Enver?"
He nodded and followed behind as they began walking.
They walked past Kitarni's red door and down a hill to an open area with separated fields and one small barn adjacent to a house. Enver unlatched the stable door and lit a lantern. He placed it on a small ledge in the middle of the stables, and turned to grin at Mairsile, making her blush.
"Wh-which one is your horse, Keir?" she stammered, quickly hiding her face from Enver.
Ezryn peeked her head in the nearby stalls but didn't see her boy. "Cyrus?" she called, clicking her tongue. He quickly poked his head out from his stall a few feet down. Ezryn strode over and opened her arms, letting Cyrus bury his head in her chest. He huffed out a sigh and snorted as she rubbed her hands over his jowls and up behind his ears. She pressed a soft kiss onto his forehead and patted his side. She glanced down at Syera and over at Mairsile. "This is Cyrus."
Both beamed and walked over, with Syera practically jumping. She looked up at Ezryn and gave her her best puppy-like eyes. "Can I pet him?"
Ezryn nodded and guided Cyrus's head lower so that she could reach above his pink-toned muzzle. Her small hands lightly traced Cyrus' forelock, the hair twisting between her fingers. She giggled and leaned closer as he snorted and pushed his head against her side. Ezryn continued to keep a firm hand on the horse's chest, so that he wouldn't knock her over. He had done it before to Kalea. He wasn't rough, he just liked kids. He was practically enamoured with them.
Mairsile leaned over and rubbed a hand over his side. "Where did you ever get a horse this big? He's like a...war horse. A destrier." She was spot on.
Ezryn gulped. "He was a gift from a friend." It was close to the truth. It was a wedding gift. And Aramis was...a friend.
"That is quite the friend. He must have come from money. High-born?"
"He was a viscount." A viscount in another kingdom before her father gave him a new title and a new wife.
"I see. Friends in high places." Mairsile chuckled and pet Cyrus one last time before stepping away and joining Enver, who was checking on another horse.
Ezryn sighed and tangled her fingers through Cyrus' mane. He lifted his head, and rested on top of her shoulder, as if giving her a hug. Somehow and in some odd way, he could always read her emotions.
Syera grinned at the sight. "He loves you."
Ezryn's eyes widened. "You think?"
Syera nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "He just seems like he does, no?"
The corners of Ezryn's mouth lifted. She tilted her head against Cyrus's, wisps of her hair falling into her eyes. "Perhaps. We sort of grew up together. It might just be familiarity."
Enver overheard and walked back over, shaking his head. "No. He definitely loves you. See how he's showing you affection. His ears are forward, he's relaxed, and he obeys you. He wants to be as close to you as possible."
Ezryn pulled away and looked at the horse. He stared back at her and nickered.
A slight rattle caused Ezryn and the others to turn towards the opposite side of the barn, where a door was cracked open. Quiet voices began to travel through.
"...right? Did Kit have another...?"
"I think so."
"Should we follow her to the caves?"
"No. You know how she gets. We don't need to make it any worse. I'll check on her when she gets back."
The door was pushed open and a worried looking Bram stepped through, with Garrett following behind him. They both stopped at the sight of the group.
"Uh. What is everyone doing in here?" Garrett smiled curiously, his teeth slightly clenched.
"Keir wanted to check on his horse."
"Oh. Haha. Alright." He coughed and walked over to a stool in one of the extra stalls. "Speaking of. I have your satchel and bag."
Ezryn brightened. "Ah. Thank you."
"I was gonna have to find you at some point tonight to return them to you as per Kitarni's orders, but here you are. You made it easy on me." He handed the bags to Ezryn, dropping them in her arms. She shuffled them over her shoulder. "And I don't think we have officially met. I'm Garren, the stablehand. Enver here is my older brother. He'll be taking care of the horses on your trip this time round. I unfortunately have my own business to attend to."
"Nice to meet you, Garrett. I'm Keir."
He grinned lightly before turning to Bram and heading towards the exit. "I'm going to head to bed. Big day tomorrow. I'll see you all in the morning before you leave."
"Goodnight, Garrett."
"Night."
Bram looked at Ezryn and then beside her, his gaze turning downwards. "Who is the kid?"
"This is Syera. Kitarni told me to watch her."
He raised his brows and squatted down. "Hi, Syera." Bram smiled softly, holding his hand out for her to shake. "I'm Bram."
Her cheeks turned red as she took his hand.
"Where did you come from?"
Syera stammered, searching for her words. She grabbed Ezryn's hand, and looked up at her, eyes wide.
"She...uh...her mother is friends with Kitarni. She's tagging along with us to Brina."
"Oh, nice. You'll get along well with the twins. They're coming as well. I reckon they're about your age."
Syera grinned nervously and squeezed Ezryn's hand.
"See. You'll have fun." Ezryn smiled at Syera and squeezed her hand back reassuringly.
Mairsile made eye contact with Ezryn, her lips parting ever so slightly. "Regarding the trip, we should probably get to bed. Keir? Are you tired? I know Kit wants you to watch Syera, but it's getting late."
Ezryn waved her hand in dismissal. "I'm fine. And I don't have a way to get into my room. I don't have a key." She glanced at Syera. "Are you tired?"
Syera shook her head.
"You two could always sleep at mine until she gets back."
Syera shook her head even harder. "I want to go see the flowers. Please? I haven't been able to really see them in a while."
Bram tilted his head. "It's night. You mean you want to see the Einar flowers?"
"The ones from the Pure Forest that glow?"
"Those are Einar flowers. I'll go with you both. They're the prettiest at night."
Ezryn gulped. It was already confusing being in the same room with him. It seemed like he was constantly pulling her in, like he had an invisible hold on her. There was something different about him. Briar too. Then there was the vision from their fight. Why was she always in Noam's body? Who was that woman?
Again, a flurry of questions tortured her. There was too much she didn't know. Maybe if she prodded him for answers...maybe if she was subtle...she might figure something out?
But did she deserve to prod him for answers? Was her clarity really all that important when she was a source of hatred for him? Could she chance becoming close with him, just to know? Was it right for her to do so? Could she just play along? What did it matter to him anyway? He would never find out about her identity. And if he did, it wouldn't matter. He was just a man who wanted to kill her. She had experienced her fair share of those before.
Mairsile chuckled and shrugged. "Alright. I'll see you all in the morning." She waved goodbye and turned to leave, her eyes lingering on Enver.
"I'll walk you back." He smiled and followed her out.
Bram glanced at Ezryn, a self-satisfied look pasted on his face.
Keir stared at him, eyes furrowed.
"They have been like that for the past month. I finally got Enver to work up his courage and get close to her...but alas. Neither of them will take the next step." He shook his head and sighed.
"Do you like playing match-maker?"
"No! Not at all. I only did it because Briar asked me to. She was sick of Mairsile complaining to her all the time about Enver."
"They're close, huh?"
"They have been since we were kids. Briar thinks of her as an older sister. Oren's practically her father." He stepped over to the door and grabbed the latch, motioning for Ezryn and Syera to step out.
"Forgive me, I thought you were all related?"
He chuckled and fastened the barn shut. "No. Oren took us in. Our parents were killed. He found us and helped us."
"Oh. I'm sorry." Ezryn scratched the side of her nose, surprised at how nonchalant he sounded. "So, what about you?"
"What about me?" Bram began to walk further behind the barn, and onto a stone path between a small wave of trees.
"Is Mairsile not like a sister? Is Oren not like a father to you?"
"Mair...is complicated. She didn't really like me when we were younger, so we were never truly close. We still aren't. And Oren will never be my father. I care about him. I'm loyal to him. But he is not my father and will never take the place of my father."
"I see." Ezryn couldn't even fathom a healthy father and child relationship. Her father was a blood-thirsty king, and Aramis was often absent. What would it have been like to experience that kind of love?
Ezryn glanced down at Syera, who was happily humming a familiar lullaby and swinging their arms.
"What about you? I know you said that your parents are...gone now. What was your relationship with them like?"
"Complicated." Ezryn breathed out a sigh. "My parents were not very warm people. We were never close."
"I see."
"Anyway! The Einar flowers. How far away are they?"
Bram motioned ahead. "Just up here."
It was then that Ezryn noticed the light from the three moons. It spilled across the ground in soft, muted waves and filtered through the leaves above. The pebbles underneath her boots shone brilliantly, pearl-like and coated in luster.
Syera leaned down, grabbing a handful and rotating them in the beams. She let them fall from her hand, one by one, the sound bright and clear against the quiet of the woods. She turned and beamed at Ezryn before sprinting further in the light.
Ezryn followed, hands in her pockets, and eyes up towards the branches.
When the path finally opened up, all Ezryn could do was stop and stare. Unlike before, the light was eternally brilliant, white and intense as the sun. Hundreds of translucent flowers littered the grass, shining like glitter. Syera sat among them, legs crossed. She held one in her hands, delicately turning and peeling back the petals. She raised one to her eye and gazed through it, a smile spreading over her lips.
"What are you doing?" Ezryn asked, sitting down next to the girl. Bram sat on a wooden bench across from them.
Syera plucked another petal and handed it to Ezryn. "Look through it."
As she placed it in her hand, a feeling of great sadness pressed into Ezryn's heart. Forlorn and desolate. But when she held it to her eye and looked into it, elation riveted through her soul. The glass-like petal soaked the world in something resembling water. Clear, pure, and smooth, it smothered her. It sparkled and clung to the moonlight, decorating life with small stars that shattered upon sight. It was death — the thing holding her. And it was the joy following death that eased the pain.
"Do you know how Einar are grown?" Bram asked, leaning his head on his injured hand.
The petal fell from Ezryn's hand, floating back down to the grass. "No."
"They can only grow in soil born from decayed bodies."
Ezryn bit her cheek and gulped. "So below us..."
Bram nodded.
Ezryn stared at him, watching as the edges of his lips tilted downwards, as his eyes grew sad, and as he hid his face behind his arm.
Syera pressed the palms of her hands to the ground and grinned softly, tears welling up in her eyes. "It's wonderful how they could create something so beautiful."
"...It is."
Syera stood up and brushed the dirt from her clothes. She grabbed Ezryn's hand and pulled her to the right, where a pile of fresh soil was spread. She simply looked at it and held Ezryn's hand tighter. The crickets chirped. The wind bristled through the trees. All Ezryn could focus on was the look on Syera's face. "I wanted to see her one last time. You know, before we left?" She sniffled.
Ezryn leaned down and rubbed her thumbs over the back of Syera's hands.
"It's been less than a day, but I miss her. I miss my mama." Her face reddened and her bottom lip began to quiver.
"Is that why you are coming to Brina with us?"
"I have no family here." She sobbed. "No friends. Miss Kit knew my mama. She promised her... she'd take care of me."
A breath was lodged in Ezryn's throat, her heart and lungs aching. "Well, I know for a fact that you are the strongest girl in the entirety of Thedo. I know you tried your very best to help your mother. And I know you are making her very proud by being so brave. You will be just fine. And you already have so many friends here. You have Bram. You have Mairsile and Enver." Ezryn smiled, hoping it would ease Syera's sobs. "You have me."
Syera jumped into Ezryn's arms, wrapping herself around her, and nuzzling her head into the crook of Ezryn's neck. "...Thank you, mister."
Ezryn knew that she would have to leave eventually, and the promise of friendship would backfire on her in the future, but she couldn't bear to have Syera believe that she was alone.
No one should have to feel alone.