•:For Fucks Sake:•
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—Rafe—
Livid isn't a strong enough word for the red that flashed behind my eyes and the anger that burned under my skin when I saw my truck. The paint scratched off in thick lines, up and down the side.
I didn't have to wonder who did it; I knew.
I wanted to light her up, piss her off and made sure she'd see me kiss whoever the hell it was. It was my entire goal to set her off I just didn't think she'd fucking do this..
I had every fucking intention as I had my pedal to the floor the whole way to the cut, to do something to her. My knuckles ached and burned at how goddamn tight I gripped the steering wheel, my tires screeching around every corner and turn I took. Practically sweating from the anger fucking boiling inside of me. I wouldn't have hit her or some sick shit like that. Although I don't mind that she thinks I would..or I didn't..
I didn't know what I was going to do but I knew I had to do something to punish her, she wasn't going to get away with that shit. I contemplated bringing my gun with me just to scare her, I wanted to scare her. Until I was there and that's exactly what happened.. she was scared of me. I left my gun in the center console of my truck where it usually is.
It was like fucking déjà vu pulling up her driveway, except this time I didn't reach for it, I just left it. The last time I was here I didn't have a second thought about bringing it and using it to scare her, fucking petrify her.
I could feel her pulse, practically hear her heart pounding in her chest and hear the way her breath shook as I held her in my grasp. Her eyes watching me, round with exactly what I wanted.. fear.
She's always running that mouth, saying shit in situations where she needs to keep it fucking shut but she won't. Except for last night, I've never seen her so afraid and I didn't like it one fucking bit.
I didn't like how she watched me like she was trying to prepare herself for what I'd do next. My anger faded the minute she hurt herself trying to get away from me. I followed her into the small room of hers, feeling the foreignness of myself calming down.
Very few times when I'm angry do I calm down. I either punch something until my knuckles are bloody and bruised or snort so much cocaine and get shit faced that I can't remember my own fucking name.
The direction of where the night was going changing the second I had her pinned underneath me. Hearing her ask me not to hurt her made a sort of nauseous feeling kick me in the fucking stomach. Before, I would have fed off of that and I probably would have done something else to enforce that fear in her but that wasn't there. Instead I fucking hated it. I hated the way her chest heaved up and down with panic, feeling her pulse pound against my thumb as I held her wrists together above her head.
Knowing she couldn't get away and she'd end up hurting herself if she tried. I didn't want her to feel like she needed to.
I didn't like the way she dominated the circumstances of our deal the other night. Trying to change the rules I'd laid down. Instead of using her, we'd just fuck and she'd get equal pleasure out of it was never the plan or even a thought to me, that was her idea that melted down my will to tell her to fucking forget that idea and that it's a punishment not a fuck for all until she gets my fucking money.
But the second her hands slid up under my shirt and her lips met my neck, I was fucked. The mind in my pants took control and I needed to be buried inside of her.
Maybe she was right, watching her enjoy it is a fuck of a lot more rewarding than using and humiliating her, I'd just never let her know she won.
She's still under my control, she's still mine to use until her debt is paid, the rules have just been changed.
I knew she slept around but what I didn't know is what a fucking freak she is. She'd let me do absolutely anything to her and she'd want it just as bad. I've had some kinky sluts in my sheets before but nothing like her, the way she does it. I could fuck her for hours and still want more. Her body, her mouth, her cunt that feels like nothing else I've ever had before, the shit she says, the things she'll do. Having her in my mouth last night just about made me come in my pants like stupid a fourteen year old with a girl on his lap for the first time. I need to taste her on my tongue again.
Aside from what happens in bed with her, she's still a drug addicted pogue who owes me. Owes me for what she bought from me, owes me for what she borrowed from Nico and now for my truck. I don't look at her any differently as a person so I'm not sure why in the fuck I felt the way I did last night when I knew she was scared of me.
And how in the fuck I ended up staying with her is beyond me.
I stare down at her as she sleeps, her cheek pressed against her pillow, her dark red hair scattered out. Some odd sick feeling washing over me as I look down at her. The softness to her expression as she sleeps, thinking about when I came in here that night and she was overdosing. She still has no idea what happened that night or that I gave her narcan.
What makes me want to vomit is that I had every intention to use my gun to scare her. I wouldn't have shot her, I'm not a fucking murderer but I would have played around with it, just to watch her be petrified. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that she was fucking overdosing.
The sun now starting to come up. I never fell asleep, I couldn't. My fucking mind was racing about what why the fuck I didn't threaten her, bash the window in shoot my gun off next to her to scare the fuck out of her. That's what I would have done a few weeks ago. I would have done whatever I could to terrify her.
I was trying to piss her off, I wanted to light her up and see what she'd do and I got that. I couldn't really turn around and fucking punish her for it. Although a month ago I wouldn't have given a fuck, I would have.
I would blame it on withdrawals but those came and went. I haven't touched coke in fucking weeks. Not after sitting in the hospital with Liam for hours after his sixteen year old brother overdosed and barely made it out alive a month ago. I should have stopped when I almost killed myself and Sarah found me almost a year ago.
I scrub my hands down my face, feeling my brows draw together and I stare at the gauze wrapped around her arm.
It's not the first time I've noticed it but it's the first time I wondered what the fuck it was. Just below her wrist.
Reaching down and carefully pulling it back before seeing red lines scratched deep into her skin and I sigh, pulling the gauze up back and dropping her wrist. Feeling some strange feeling come over me.
Fuck
I zone out for I don't know how long, only the sunlight blaring in the window pulls me out of it and I stand pulling my sweatshirt over my head.
She mumbles softly her eyes fluttering open as she looks up at me, the green in her eyes appearing so much for vibrant from the sunlight , a grin already on her lips.
"I thought you would have made sure to leave before I woke up" she says, her smart ass attitude not resting for a second. "That was the plan" I say through my teeth as I sigh and she sits up. Her eyes falling to the wrap on her arm before they come to me.
Watching as she stands and moves over to her dresser, pulling a long sleeve shirt on over her tank top, slamming it shut when I take a step towards her, sparking curiosity of what made her do that.
Narrowing my eyes on her when she winces as she steps. "I think you bruised me" she tells me, shoving past me and grabbing a hair brush off her night stand before pulling it through her long red hair.
I wouldn't be surprised if I did. I take the opportunity to yank the drawer open, seeing shirts folded, particularly stacked higher on the one side. "Get out of there" she shouts at me trying to shove me away and close it but I wrap my arm around her small body, pinning hers to her sides as I hold her against me. Wiggling and trying to pull away.
"Rafe I swear to god get out!" She practically hisses but I ignore her, unfazed by her attempts to get away as I shove the shirts to the side, a baggy full of a light bluish colored powder that looks like it was crushed up, a lighter and a razor blade knife.
"Mm what do we have here?" I ask, holding up the baggy in front of us. Realizing it's some sort of crushed up pills... "You use this shit?" I ask her and she growls at me trying to get away. I knew she used oxy, I didn't know she smoked it or snorted it or whatever the hell she plans to do with it in a crushed form. It's fifty fucking times more potent that way..and she almost killed herself with just the pills before.
"Let me go!" She grunts, trying to smack her head against my chest. My god she is nuts, she rather hurt herself than stay still. Both of us turn our heads hearing someone shout her name down the hallway. "Rafe let me go!" She hisses and I do before she rips the bag from my hand, quickly shoving it back in the drawer just before her door pops open and both her sisters come to stand in the doorway.
We're not done with this conversation..
The older ones eyes move from me to Lily before she gives her an ear shit and die look. "What are you doing here?" The little one asks and my eyes fall to her, holding a overly stuffed back pack. "He..he was helping me with..something" Lily answers for me, pressing her palm to her forehead before looking over her shoulder at me. Haley scrunching up her nose and smiling up at me making my chest feel warm for some stupid fuck reason. Feeling almost proud of the fact that she doesn't think I'm a 'jerk' anymore.
"I'm sure he was" Aria says raising his brows at Lily who shoots her a death stare. Letting me know she must have told her.
"I wondered whose expensive truck was in the driveway, what the hell happened to the side of it?" Aria asks and I glare over at Lily. "Ask your sister" I say and Lily shakes her head, swatting her hand at me to shut up.
"We stole pancake mix from the store on our way here" Haley says, dropping her backpack on the floor and pulling out a box of fucking pancake mix holding it up for her sister and Lily takes it from her unfazed by the fact that her toddler sister stole fucking pancake mix. "And syrup!" Aria chimes in, pulling a bottle of syrup from her bag and holding it up.
What the fuck..
"I want pancakes" Haley tells us and I just look between the three of them. "The stove is still broken" Lily tells them, all three of them simultaneously turning to look at me and I roll my eyes.
For fucks sake.
—Alilia—
"Why the hell is the stove broken?" Rafe asks through his teeth as Haley and Aria go to put their stuff away from their sleepover. I wasn't expecting them back so early but oh well.
I also wasn't expecting Rafe to still be here when I woke up. I do my best to ignore the subtle pain between my legs as I move into the kitchen. I lost my virginity at fourteen and I've had plenty of sex in between yet I feel like I just lost it last night.
He was a little rougher than normal and it felt like fucking ecstasy but I'm paying for it today.
My skin tingles and heat rises in my cheeks remembering how good is mouth felt last night and how he licked every inch between my thighs until I was dripping down my legs. I want him to do that again.
"Alilia?"
"Huh?!" I almost jump at Rafes voice startling me out of my thoughts and my cheeks burn red when I meet his eyes.
Swearing I catch a grin on his lips, can he read my mind?
"I said why is the stove broken?"
"Uh it's not really it's unplugged..because it's broken" I explain earning a disgusted look. I sigh, pushing my hair out of my face. "Theres a short in the cord, you'll have to pull it out" I add and he shakes his head. "It pulls out?"
"It's old" I defend the piece of junk. He growls in his throat before reluctantly moving over to the stove, sliding it away from the wall with ease. I shouldn't find things like that attractive..it's a fucking stove and this is fucking Rafe.
I watch as he squats down, messing around with the cord and I move over to stand next to him. "What the hell" he mutters, clanking something around.
"What the fuck did you guys do it this? It's almost snapped in half" he tells me, pulling the cord up and I watch the end of it dangle. "Like I said..it's old" I shrug and he shakes his head. "Do you have electrical tape?" He sighs, resting on his knees before turning and looking up at me. Making butterflies zoom around my stomach, the way he's on his knees in front of me, only reminding me again of what he did to me last night. For fucks sake, why does he make me feel like a horny mess all the time? I'll blame it on the fact that I haven't had someone's mouth on me like that in a long time it just has me..worked up!
My cheeks turn red and he smirks up at me. "What Lily?" He asks and I kick him.
"Nothing I'll get tape" I say moving away from him as fast as possible. "Do you know what you're doing?" I hear Haley shout as she passes me, heading into the kitchen.
I rummage through the bathroom drawer searching for tape. I know why have both duct tape and electrical tape. We use it to fix just about everything that breaks around here. It's the only affordable option for fixing things..
"He's spending the night now? I thought you hated him" Aria startles me and I look up as she leans against the door way. "He's not..I do" I tell her feeling the bitterness of a lie roll off my tongue although I don't know where it comes from. I'm not lying.
"He just ended up here and I didn't want to be alone" I tell her truthfully, finding the small roll of tape in the drawer and snatching it up. "So he's being nice now?" She asks following me down the hallway. "No not even close" I tell her as I move back into the kitchen.
"Do you have a permit for that? I don't think you should touch that without gloves" I hear Haley rambling things off, annoying Rafe as he fidgets with something behind the stove. "How the hell do you even know what a permit is?" He asks, his attention still on whatever he's doing. "You shouldn't say hell" she crosses her arms over her chest. "You just did" he tells her and her eyes widen. "Shit" she shouts and Rafe looks over his shoulder at her with his brows furrowed before they come to me.
"Don't cuss Haley" Aria tells her, taking her hand and pulling her away from Rafe. "He doesn't have a permit" she tells her and I roll my eyes moving over to Rafe.
"Here" I tell him and he turns to look at me. "Why do you have this?" He asks taking it from me and I glare at him. "To keep the door handle on" I tell him truthfully and he looks at me disgusted before turning his attention back to the stove.
I watch as Haley stabs her cut up pancakes violently before pushing the end of her fork around in syrup.
"I don't know how I feel about you just being here in our kitchen" Aria taunts Rafe as he uses a screw driver to twist the screws back into the door handle. "Would you like me to move two feet into the living room?" He asks, insulting our tiny little house.
I'm not sure how to feel about having him here or that he's not only fixed the stove but the front door knob too. It's been hanging on with duct and electrical tape just waiting for someone to break in.
I really didn't think he'd stay and fix the stove let alone the door knob too..
"Can you fix my headphones while your at it?" Aria asks, pulling them from her ears and dangling them out in front of her, Rafe only looks at them like their a disease, held together with duct tape "Get a new pair" he says flatly and she rolls her eyes. "Oh I hadn't thought of that yet" she says sarcastically. "She can't we're poor" Haley chimes in, saying it as if it's something to be proud of. She thinks she's really funny..
A few minutes later my eyes follow him as he moves over to the front door before spending a few minutes screwing the door knob back on.
"I'm leaving" he tells us with zero emotion on his face and Haley jumps up from beside me at the table before running over to him. "Can't you stay longer?" She asks, her eyes round.
I watch as he stares down at her with a perplexed look on his face before he surprises me and crouches down in front of her. "No I have to go home" he tells her, his tone so much softer. I don't think I've ever heard him speak so softly before. She pouts her lip before putting her little arms out to him. He hesitates for a minute before pulling her into his arms and she wraps her arms around his neck. His hand almost the size of her head as he pats it before setting her down and she runs back over to finish her pancakes.
I follow him back down to my room, as he grabs his keys off my dresser. Standing awkwardly in the room as I watch him. "What?" He asks coming to stand in front of me and I shrug. "Nothing, stop being an ass" I tell him, my stomach fluttering when he steps forward towering over me. Hearing Haley shout for my mom down the hall. She must have just gotten home.
"I just fixed your piece of shit stove and the door knob so no one breaks in and kills your sisters and you call me an ass?" He says tilting my chin up. "I didn't call you an ass I said stop being an ass" I correct him and he smirks. My god does nothing faze him?
It's so infuriating! He is infuriating.
My breath catches in my throat when he lowers his face to mine and I feel his warm breath on my lips. "Don't think I forgot about what's in that drawer" he says low, pushing my bottom lip down before he pushes past me leaving me frozen for a second before I snap out of it and follow him.
"Mommy Rafe fixed the stove!" Haley tells our mother as Rafe and I come to stand in the living room. Her eyes move between the two of us before settling on Rafe with a surprised look on her face. Dressed in her blue nurse scrubs, holding Haley on her hip. "Rafe as in Sarah's brother?" She asks and I nod. "How did you know?!" Haley asks throwing her arms in the air and my mom sets her down. "Well thank you Rafe" she tells him, crossing her arms over her chest, fighting a smile and she raises her brow subtly at me. "He fixed the door knob too" Aria chimes in.
My mother has never been one to hover or pry into my business. She makes sure to the best of her ability.. that I'm being safe and not doing anything reckless or stupid but she gives me my privacy. "I appreciate that, did you buy the pancake mix too?" She asks and both Aria and my eyes widen. "No your children stole it" he tells her and I elbow him in the side, but he only ignores me, a grin on his lips. "It wasn't me" I defend myself watching as my mother looks over at Aria. "Haley instigated it" Aria says putting her hands up.
"Don't worry no one saw, my theifery skills are great" Haley tells us proudly and my mother reaches up rubbing her forehead. "Okay!" She sighs clasping her hands together.
"Well thank you again Rafe I really do appreciate your help, if you don't mind me asking what happened to your truck?" She asks and my face falls. Why do they all have to ask? My eyes move to his, the same grin on his lips only deepening before he looks down at me then back to my mother. "Some jealous girl" he shrugs and I feel anger burn under my skin. I was not jealous!
"That sounds a bit..psychotic" she tells him and he smirks. "It does doesn't it?" He says. Her eyes moving between us again and I do my best to avoid looking at her again. "Okay! Well Rafe has to go..now" I interrupt practically shoving him out the door hearing my mother shout goodbye to him. "Bye.." he pauses not knowing her name. "Katie" she tells him. "Bye Katie"
"What is wrong with you? Why would you tell her that?" I shout at him once we're at his truck and my eyes widen, my mouth falling open as I see now in the daylight what I did. Oh..my..god
How fucking drunk was I? Oh my god. "Close your mouth princess"
"I did that?" I ask in disbelief. "No Haley did, yes you did you fucking dumbass" he snaps at me and I feel some sort of guilt wash over me. I know how much he likes his truck and I practically destroyed the side of it. "I would apologize but it's not really in my nature" I tell him. "I'm aware" he mutters before climbing into his truck and starting the engine, watching until his truck disappears down the driveway.
Dodging my mother as I try and make it down the hallway and into my room but she comes through the door not even a minute later. "So what was that?" She asks, an excited smirk on her lips and she wiggles her eyes brows at me. "Nothing" I tell her and she narrows her eyes on me. "Oh honey I could feel that tension from where I was standing" she tells me, shaking my shoulders.
"You like him don't you?" She asks and I scrunch my nose up in disgust. If she only knew what's been going on between us she'd probably disown me. Not only because of the dirty sex but how it started..my drug use.
"What? No..no he's just..a friend" I lie, he's not a friend. We are not friends. "Just a friend?"
"He's Sarah's brother mom..trust me he is just a friend"
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I turn over in bed again, worried sick about what we're going to do for Haley's birthday in two days..two days and I can't even afford a little cake.
And also because Rafe hasn't said a word to me in five days and I have no idea why he's ignoring me.
I haven't given in and texted him and I won't but it's eating me alive wondering why he hasn't called me over to be his personal sex toy like he has been all along, especially now that the rules are different.
I wondered if he's still mad about his truck although I'm sure he had it fixed the next day after he left. Paying for it is nothing to them and I'm sure Ward took care of it all.
I wondered if it was finding the drugs in my drawer the Kade brought me but he'd have no reason to have any reaction to them, he knows I do drugs that's how this whole thing started.
I sigh, rolling over and checking my phone again seeing there's still no text from him. I set it back down burying my face in the pillow.
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"Can't you just ask him for it?" Aria asks and I shake my head. Pulling my shirt on over my head. "No he won't give it to me and I can't ask for anything else from Sarah and Kie" I explain tugging my shoes on and she sighs nervously. "Lily if he catches you..he'll be pissed" she tells me.
Yes he will be. Probably more so than when I fucked his truck up but I have no other options and he's been ignoring me anyways. I don't feel any sort of guilt about it. He's being an asshole. "He won't, he's not home right now" I explain. Only knowing that because I texted Sarah and she told me he's at the island club, working out with Liam and Topper.
"Just be carful" she tells me and I nod before leaving, starting my walk to the cut.
I'll climb up the lattice like I did before and threw his window. I racked my brain over how we'll pay for anything for Haley until I remember the wad of cash he has shoved in his drawer. I don't care about stealing from him. I started to feel bad about what I did to his truck but not anymore and won't feel bad about this either, not if he's going to ignore me like this. Like I just don't exist after doing the things he's done to me. He can go fuck himself.
It'll be fine. As long as I don't get caught..
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