Chaelisa Diaries # 1

All We Need (2/2)

21k+ words

WARNINGS: 18+, g!p

* * * * * *

On monday, Lisa showed up to help Roseanne paint her living room wall. She had a gift in tow, and held up a hand to ward off any of Roseanne's protests.

"The NICU nurses said this is the most creative bed available."

Lisa pushed the box she held in her arms toward Roseanne, so she could read the Australian brand-name. The picture showed a bassinet-size bed hanging suspended by a spring and crossbar from a sturdy steel frame.

"They said that every time the baby moves, a gentle rocking motion lulls her back to sleep."

Roseanne started to respond, but like a saleswoman on a mission, Lisa continued. "And, because it's slightly upright, it will help if Valerie has gastric reflux. And she'll feel more secure, cuddled in the curve of the bed, than in a large open and flat crib."

Before Roseanne could say a word, Lisa ripped open the box and fished out the contents, then set to work putting everything together, like a kid on Christmas morning.

"It's lightweight enough to carry from room to room, so you can keep an eye on her, too."

Speechless, Roseanne watched. There would be no refusing her gift. Lisa's gesture of concern for her baby moved her more than she could admit; she shook her head in resignation.

"Why are you doing this?" She'd only meant to think the words, but they snuck out in a whisper.

Temporarily outsmarted by the metal poles, Lisa stopped to scratch her head. She turned to her and, looking earnest as all hell, said, "Because I care."

Roseanne blinked.

Why should you care?

"Well, thank you." A wave of post-partum nostalgia— surely that was what it was?—threatened to overtake her. She glanced away to toughen up. "I'm very touched."

Lisa gazed at her feet, then back up, and whispered, "You're welcome."

Fearing she could get used to being cared about, Roseanne let her gaze dance away. Instead, she forced herself to calculate the steps she'd read for painting a wall—a task she'd never done before.

Desperate to change the feel-good mood in the room, Roseanne spread the drop cloth on the floor and opened the first can of paint, while Lisa distracted herself with setting up the bed.

"So, why are we painting that wall red?" Lisa asked, in a casual, more distant tone. Apparently she'd caught her drift.

Roseanne gave the thick red liquid one last stir with a wooden stick before stopping to answer. "Jennie's grandmother said I needed to bring more of the five energies into my house. This red wall will represent fire." She put her hands on her jeans-clad hips and glanced across the room. "And I'm bringing in water energy with my indoor rock fountain. See?"

Lisa followed her hand and studied her newest purchase, bubbling and rippling over a slab of smooth black rock. She gave a nod. "Nice," she said. "Peaceful."

"And I'm bringing in earth energy with large indoor plants," she said. "Green is good." Spurred on by all the extra reading she'd done on the topic, she felt positive. "I can feel a difference already."

Clearly amused, Lisa gave her a thumbs-up sign. And they passed the next hour side-by-side, painting in quiet, relaxed camaraderie.

In the middle of her using a roller brush to finish the last section of wall, Lisa's cellphone rang. "Can you get that for me, Roseanne?"

Her hands were free, and much cleaner than Lisa's, but she had to fish the phone from her back pocket, flip it open and place it snug against her ear—which felt far too intimate.

She tensed.

"Hello?" Lisa looked at her and nodded her thanks. "Hey, Bambam." She smiled.

Roseanne studied the tiny golden flecks in her dark brown eyes while Lisa concentrated on the conversation. Damn, she was good-looking, and it irritated the hell out of her.

"No kidding?" she said.

With new resolve, Roseanne vowed not to get sidetracked from her goal of being a mother and raising her kid...alone. She looked away, concentrating on her feet. A paint-by-numbers kind of woman herself, who liked everything in life planned out to the tee, she'd never be compatible with a free-form action artist like Lisa, who loved extreme sports and grabbing life by the horns, going with the flow.

Why even think about someone like her? She'd had her chance once, and had chosen to walk away. If she recalled correctly, Lisa hadn't exactly come chasing after her to come back, either.

"I really appreciate it," Lisa said. "I'm a little tight for cash right now."

Roseanne lifted her head with interest.

"Great. Later." Lisa raised her eyebrows, cueing Roseanne to fold up the phone and slip it back into her pocket. She tried not to notice her high and firm rear end while she used two fingers—as if the phone had cooties—to replace it. She resisted a disturbing urge to pat Lisa's bum when she'd finished.

"Hey!" Lisa said with a self-satisfied smile.

Her head shot up faster than a guilty pickpocket.

"Bambam offered me his frequent flyer points." She finished her last stroke on the wall. "So I can fly to Massachusetts and North Carolina for my medical school interviews. As soon as I can make arrangements for time off work, I'm flying out."

"That's fantastic." Roseanne tried to sound more enthusiastic than she felt. An odd empty feeling nibbled at the pit of her stomach. Though happy for her goals and accomplishments, she had let Lisa get too close. She'd have to put an end to it right away. With new determination, she straightened her back. "I really hope your plans work out." She did mean it. Roseanne wanted her to be happy and successful. "I can see you as a doctor. You've got what it takes."

Lisa grinned at her with a sparkle in her eyes, and a pleasant tickling sensation whispered across the back of Roseanne's knees. Damn. Illogical as it was, she wanted to kiss her.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence. I just wish I didn't have to sell my house and move out of state in order to do it," she said, not sounding particularly enthused about the turn of events. A distant, thoughtful look passed over her face while she studied Roseanne's and ended by staring at her mouth.

Had she read her mind?

Roseanne couldn't take another second of Lisa being this close. With news of her leaving town, now was as good a time as any to start distancing herself from Lisa and the silent dreams she could never fulfill.

She went to work cleaning up, getting busy with every ridiculous detail she could think of—anything to break away from her allure.

Oh, but Lisa wouldn't leave well enough alone. She reached for her arm, forcing her to look at her. Blood rushed up Roseanne's neck, settling in her cheeks. Mischievous eyes peered at her.

"You've got paint on your face," Lisa said.

Hands full and busy, she raised her forearm to capture the smudge, not having a clue where it was.

Lisa wiped the paint from her own hands on a rag, and stepped forward. "Let me." She helped her dispose of the paintbrush and roller bin on the tarp, and used her long index finger to gently wipe above her upper lip. Tracing the entire length of her mouth in the same fashion, her fingertip trailed down to her chin.

Heat pulsed all the way to her toes, and she held her breath. Lisa moved closer and took her face in her hands.

Before she could breathe, Lisa covered her lips with her own. Long, sensual seconds passed, with her lush warmth teasing her mouth. Roseanne breathed with her, relaxed, and found her hands pressing the firm curves of her shoulders. And when her tongue lightly flicked hers, she clenched her fingers tight on her solid muscles. She wanted to move closer, but the hands framing her jaw and ears kept them a safe distance apart.

Lisa was in control.

The kiss felt tender, and wonderfully woozy, and she longed for more. Lisa angled her head to delve deeper, pressing harder with her luscious mouth and tongue.

Time stopped.

At that moment in her life, Roseanne realized that no one had ever kissed her like Lisa. Even the other night, when she'd clearly been out of her head with grief, her kiss had both stirred her up and calmed her down. She'd definitely missed her kisses since they'd broken up.

Her knees felt like noodles.

The inviting sounds of their soulful kisses sent chills to her shoulders and breasts. Tingling, familiar tingling, circled her nipples, and she foggily realized her milk was letting down.

Oh, but she didn't want the pleasure to end.

Lisa released her face, taking time to stroke and rearrange her hair before wrapping her firm arms around her, drawing her tight to her chest. Roseanne dropped her head back so their lips could stay connected, and encircled her neck with her hands.

She'd give Lisa whatever she wanted—anything to keep kissing her. Her hips and thighs pressed flush to hers, burning through her clothes. She could feel her coming alive in her jeans, which sent an added thrill through her. Roseanne's fingers knotted into her hair, where, beneath, she found a strong, solid neck to knead. She massaged while Lisa ravished her with her hot, moist mouth.

Full body chills sent her reeling. Milk-mist sprayed from her breasts, soon turning to large and constant drips. Shortly, the front of her blouse was soaked through.

Lisa groaned.

Large hands wandered over her back, shoulders and hips while she continued to devour her mouth. Lisa reached beneath her bottom and hoisted her tighter to her, pulling her up onto her toes. She anchored herself to her neck and chest, wrapping her thigh around her hip, molding body to body.

Their tongues searched deeply and freely, tasting and savoring each other. They breathed together, completely in sync. Her saturated shirt spilled over to her tee shirt...cold, damp...sticky.

Lisa broke from their kiss and gave a puzzled look. Feeling chagrined, Roseanne bit her kiss-swollen lower lip, knitted her brows, and pleaded for understanding with an earnest stare.

Lust glowed in Lisa's eyes. A slow smile evolved on her face. "Can't say I've ever had this effect on a woman before."

* * *

Lisa adjusted herself in her jeans while Roseanne escaped to the bathroom to clean up. No question about it. She knew beyond a doubt that she was in lust with her. And she was the mother of her child. What a tidy little turn of events...a ready-made family of three. And what terrible timing.

Long ago Lisa had decided never to become a mother again, had even signed up for the surgery to make sure she never would. Now, her dream of going to med school was closer than ever. And she might have to leave the state in order to follow through.

What the hell was she supposed to do?

She needed more time to think, and her leaving town would give her the perfect reason to do it.

As soon as Roseanne came back out Lisa'd excuse herself, make plans to leave town and do battle with her conscience some other time.

* * *

The next morning, Dr. Patel's early phone call startled Roseanne. She braced herself.

"We have a good update for you on this delightful day," he said.

A quick prayer of thanks crossed her lips before she responded to his greeting. "Yes?"

"We shall send Valerie home on Friday."

She couldn't believe the words. First she felt joy, and then panic set in.

My God, what do I do now?

She gave herself a pep talk. I can do this. Hadn't she been preparing for this moment ever since Valerie had been born, one month ago?

Joy beyond all dreams circulated through her body.

My baby is coming home!

He continued. "Valerie is maintaining her body temperature while in an open crib, she feeds well by mouth, and there are no recent major medical changes. I recommend that you spend the next day or two giving complete care to your baby. For best success, it is imperative that you know exactly what to expect when she comes to your home."

"Yes, of course," she agreed.

Armed with the most spectacular news of her life— aside from the day her pregnancy test had come back positive—Roseanne jumped from bed and raced to the shower.

Her only regret was that Lisa wasn't there to share it with her.

* * *

Friday came before Roseanne felt completely ready. But would she ever feel totally prepared for being a full-time mom? She'd spent two extensive days with the Newborn Nursery nurses, learning every trick of the trade. She'd worked from morning until night caring for Valerie. She fed, diapered, bathed, managed her medication and fiddled with machinery under trained nursing supervision. And had gone home each night exhausted to her bones.

Every night during the week Roseanne had lain awake worrying, wondering how she'd rate as a true-life mother, yet eager to find out.

Jennie had helped her do one last major house-clean, and given her a surprise gift of a special crib that was attached directly alongside her own bed.

"This will help you sleep better, knowing Valerie's right next to you." Even Jennie had sounded more like an expert than Roseanne felt. "You'll have your own space, but Valerie will be within an arm's reach for nursing or anything else."

"Thank you!" Roseanne said. "You are so smart."

"Actually, my pharmacist suggested it. His sister just had a baby."

* * *

Roseanne's favorite nurse had given her a few last-minute pointers about the importance of using the "sling" to keep Valerie comfy and cozy beside her throughout the day.

And she'd received a crash course on handling the apnea monitor.

"Valerie will have spells," one of the crusty older nurses had informed her. "The monitor will alert you to As and Bs."

"What does that mean?" Roseanne had scratched her head and felt her neck tense.

"Apnea and bradycardia. It won't sound unless she forgets to breathe for twenty seconds or if her heart-rate drops below eighty. Don't panic. Just rub her back or stimulate her to help her remember to breathe." She had glanced over the top of the gold-framed glasses perched on the tip of her nose. "The irritating sound of the monitor warning may even startle her into breathing. Look—" she'd clicked her tongue "—she has these spells several times a day. Preemies generally do. No biggie. Just keep alert...stay on top of it."

Easy for her to say. Her nursing shift ended after eight hours. Roseanne's heart had galloped, and a wave of concern had circled her head.

I can do this. I'm a nurse. Heck, I'm a mother!

They'd also given her a crash course on infant CPR. Sure, she'd practiced annually at work, on unnaturally pink plastic infant dummies. She'd covered the stiff doll's nose and mouth with her own to puff air inside, and had used two fingers between the nipples to quickly beat out the required compressions, but that was pretend.

Before her lay her daughter, the most precious gift she'd ever been given, and Roseanne didn't want to botch anything up.

Valerie had flourished in the past few weeks to a whopping 1700 grams—just a few ounces short of the four-pound goal. But when Roseanne carried her to the car on the day of discharge, Valerie felt as fragile as a tiny antique treasure. Roseanne had held her breath when she'd lifted her from the hospital isolette, and when Valerie had squirmed and mewed, she'd looked on with both wonder and love.

Jennie and her boyfriend had offered to bring Roseanne and Valerie home. She had eagerly accepted. Even Jennies' grandmother had sent over some food guaranteed to increase her milk and give her added energy.

Though the food looked and smelled weird, it meant the world to Roseanne, since her own mother couldn't make the trip out west for a few more weeks.

It took three adult minds and twenty minutes to figure out the placement of the car seat in the back of Roseanne's SUV, but they prevailed. And when they arrived home, other than holding Valerie, Roseanne left Jennie and Kai to carry everything else inside.

"Put that over there," Jennie said when they entered the house. She had gotten very good at bossing Kai around.

The tall man's tiny dark eyes sparkled when he looked at Jennie, and it made Roseanne smile.

The look of love.

He unloaded several bundles of items Roseanne and Jennie had deemed necessary for Valerie: car seat, diaper bag, apnea monitor, pulmonary treatment machine, nursing supplies, another bag of medicine and supplementary formula. He made two trips to the car to bring everything inside.

Over the next hour, the three of them bustled around, setting everything up according to Roseanne's need and desire.

Jennie finally whisked her waist-length hair behind her shoulders, placed her hands on her waist and gave the nursery the once-over. "Anything you need?"

Roseanne scanned the room and shook her head. She'd slipped Valerie into a sling and snuggled her close to her breasts. The baby looked peaceful and content, and Roseanne's confidence grew. "No. I should be fine...really."

After wavering for several seconds, Jennie hugged Roseanne, took Kai by the arm and headed for the door. "Don't hesitate to call for anything, okay?"

When the door closed, Roseanne was surprised by the strong sense of isolation that settled in around her.

The house was dead quiet.

Valerie remained asleep, and Roseanne felt exhausted. She decided to take advantage and put her feet up for a few minutes—maybe even take a catnap. She gingerly angled herself onto the couch and rested her head against the cushion. She repositioned Valerie in the sling onto her abdomen. Roseanne's eyes felt heavy and she welcomed the sluggish feeling lulling her toward sleep. Ah...rest.

A sharp, fussy cry came from the vicinity of her chest. With her brain swimming back from its stupor, Roseanne's head shot up. Valerie had a healthy pair of lungs on her, and, judging by the foul smell wafting through the air, was in need of a diaper change.

* * *

By Sunday night, Roseanne hadn't gotten more than one and a half hours' consecutive sleep at any given time. What was left of her stored energy had evaporated by Saturday morning, and she'd been dragging through the last two days. Deep blue circles under her eyes made her complexion look pasty. Even her normally shiny hair looked droopy and dull, and her brown eyes had turned lifeless.

She'd lied to anyone who'd called to check in and see how she was doing. She'd told every single one of her friends from work, her mother, Jennie and even Dr. Patel, that everything was hunky-dory, she couldn't be happier, all was well.

Secretly, she felt irritated that Lisa hadn't called her once while she'd been gone. But what was the point? So they'd kissed a couple times. Lisa wasn't part of her life anymore than she or Valerie were part of hers.

Exhausted, she wanted to cry. Of course she loved her baby. Roseanne loved every second of caring for Valerie's multiple needs: listening for her to breathe whenever she lay down to rest; nursing every two hours on the dot; bathing her; changing her diapers; giving her breathing treatments. On and on and on.

But over the last seventy-two hours the feather-light bundle constantly attached to her chest while awake, had begun to feel like a brick. Roseanne could hardly hold her own head up, let alone shoulder the full responsibility of caring for Valerie.

She knew she needed to eat, but was too tired to care for herself, too. She'd skipped bathing altogether on Sunday, opting for precious moments of shut-eye whenever Valerie napped. Her nerves twinged raw, she felt edgy, lethargic and sad.

Carefully placing the bedside intercom next to Valerie's crib in the nursery, after lying her on her back, she checked for a third time to make sure the apnea monitor leads were properly attached to her chest. Countless false alarms had fired over the weekend, keeping her on edge and running for the crib due to loose leads. Determined to take a shower during this naptime, she checked them once again.

Roseanne set up the other walkie-talkie monitor on the bathroom counter and switched it on. A static swishing sound reported the humming of the humidifier and total silence from Valerie's bed.

Stripping naked, she changed her mind and ran a tub full of hot water for a bath. Roseanne was shocked when she looked at herself in the mirror. She was now gaunt and flagging, and the glow of pregnancy had disappeared, replaced with exhaustion and depression. Not a glamorous combination.

She dipped her toe into the invitingly warm water in the tub and prepared to slip inside for a few moments of paradise. The loud buzzing of the apnea monitor sounded its alarm. Roseanne reached for her bathrobe and threw it on while rushing to Valerie's side. After tying her sash, she found Valerie peacefully sleeping, with one monitor lead dangling from beneath her cotton drawstring gown.

She carefully reapplied the lead to her tummy, praying she wouldn't wake or disturb her baby. Checking one last time, to make sure all the leads were in place, and the tiny oxygen cannula was set properly inside each nostril, Roseanne retreated.

Walking like a zombie, she found herself in the dining room, weak and leaning against the wall for support. Dismay, melancholy, intense fatigue and a total sense of defeat mixed into a dangerous brew of hopelessness.

Finally coming undone, she felt tears fill her eyes. She slid down the wall to the hardwood floor, where she crumpled into a fetal position and let out a total meltdown wail.

* * *

Where was Valerie? Standing in the newborn ward, Lisa fought off a burst of alarm and searched for one of the nurses. She'd returned home late Friday night, and to make up for taking extra days off had worked a double shift on Saturday. Now, Sunday afternoon, she'd finally found time to visit Peanut. But where was she?

She hurried toward a nurse changing a diaper.

"Where's Valerie?"

"Went home Friday morning," the curt older nurse said over her shoulder.

A crushing sense of loss hit her in the chest. She'd made up her mind about Roseanne and Valerie. She'd searched her soul—even had a long talk with Bambam—and was anxious to follow through on her plans. Now was as good a time as any, but she'd have to wait until she got off work.

* * *

Though still daylight, the shadowy late May afternoon made the house look dark from the porch. Lisa tapped on the door, but Roseanne didn't answer. She cupped her hands to her eyes and peered through the front window.

"Roseanne?" she called.

Nothing.

She caught a glimpse of someone's feet on the dining room floor. Fear shot through her chest, and she dashed for the door and jangled the handle, surprised to find the latch not securely locked. With a little finessing, she got it open. It squeaked against the silence.

A cold chill ran the course of her spine.

Oh, God, what could have happened here?

Rushing through the door, she flipped on a light switch and found Roseanne on the floor, curled up and whimpering. Where was Valerie? She sprinted to the nursery and found her peacefully asleep. Lisa dashed back to Roseanne's side and dropped to her knees.

"Roseanne? What's wrong?"

She stirred. "Go away."

Lisa brushed the blonde hair back from her face. Resembling a wild street urchin, Roseanne blinked and squinted at her.

"Are you sick?"

"I'm fine," she croaked. "Leave me alone."

"Like hell you are." Lisa scooped her hands beneath Roseanne, lifted her up and carried her toward the bedroom. "You look like you haven't slept all week." She laid her down on the bed and carefully tightened the sash on her robe, then tucked her beneath the covers. "Sleep," she said. "I'll take care of everything else."

Roseanne attempted to sit up and climb out, but Lisa gently pushed her back toward the pillow. "Stay right where you are. I'm not kidding, lady. You need to sleep."

"But...the baby..."

"But nothing. I'll take care of the baby. Go to sleep. That's an order." She clicked off the lamp and tiptoed out, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

Roseanne woke up in a pitch-black room. She glanced at the red digital numbers on her clock: 7:00. Nighttime? She shot upright, realizing her nursing schedule was way off. Her breasts felt heavy and tight.

"Oh, my God. Valerie."

She lunged for the door and flung it open, certain her baby had died from neglect. The rest of the house was lit up. She raced to the nursery and found it empty. Fear shocked her like a thrown bucket of cold water. She sped to the dining room and whirled toward the living room.

Lisa sat reading the newspaper while Valerie dozed contentedly nearby, in the hanging bassinette. She looked up and furrowed her brow. "Go back to bed."

A warm, calming wave overlapped Roseanne's terror. She shook her head and fought to take back control.

"I need to feed her."

Lisa made a big to-do about folding up the paper and putting it down. With hands on her knees, she said, "Go back to bed." She glanced at Valerie and back. "As soon as she wakes up, I'll bring her to you." Pointing to the door, she reiterated, "Go."

Over two hours had passed since Roseanne had slipped into oblivion. Wasn't Valerie starving? She had to admit her baby looked quite comfy in the unique hammock-style bed. But knowing well Valerie's routine, Roseanne was assured that she would scream her lungs out when she was hungry—just like she'd done all weekend.

Nodding her head, deciding she could wait a little longer before feeding time, Roseanne somberly returned to her room. She slumped down onto her bed and nestled back for more rest. She knew she needed it. Any "new parent" reference book in her library would tell her to get plenty of sleep. A yawn escaped her lips. Following the lure of her pillow, she quickly dozed off.

A gentle tugging on her shoulder drew her back to the world of the living. Lisa towered above her, looking stunning in the dim light. She extended Valerie, all bundled up and fussing, towards her.

The clock read 8:00.

"She's hungry," Lisa whispered, in a ragged yet gentle voice.

Roseanne sat up, reached for her baby, and positioned her in the crook of her arm. She glanced toward Lisa, who had respectfully turned her back. She offered Valerie her breast and contented suckling noises soon filled the otherwise quiet room.

Lisa walked to the window and gazed outside, but she didn't break the silence. She peered through the blinds, cleared her throat, shifted back and forth on her heels and the balls of her feet, even fiddled with the change in her pockets. But she never said a word. After a while, she sat on the lone chair in the room, closed her eyes and leaned back, lacing her fingers behind her head. Roseanne smiled at her composure.

When she'd finished nursing Valerie, Roseanne cleared her throat, alerting her, and she dutifully retrieved her.

"I'll take over from here," Lisa said. "Go back to sleep."

Woozy from the pleasure of nursing, and craving more rest, Roseanne couldn't bring herself to protest. She rolled onto her side and nestled into her pillow. Eyes heavy with slumber, a contented smile on her face, she forced herself to speak. "Don't forget to burp Valerie and change her dia..."

The door closed.

* * *

Every two to three hours throughout the night Lisa brought Valerie to Roseanne. Repeating the routine, she nursed the baby and handed her back, falling immediately to sleep. And finally, by morning light, she woke up feeling human again. She stretched, lazily yawned, and climbed out of bed, heading for the shower.

First she wandered down the hall, peeked around the corner into the living room, and found Lisa sprawled on the couch, and out to the world. She smiled at the sight. Valerie was nearby in her portable bed. Both were breathing, and she didn't smell any evidence of dirty diapers, so Roseanne went contentedly off to bathe.

* * *

Lisa walked into the kitchen, scratching her eyes and yawning. A promise of fresh-brewed coffee beckoned. Roseanne stood at the counter in loose fitting sports pants and a snug white polo shirt, looking slimmer than she'd remembered before her trip. Her blonde hair, fresh from the shower, hung in damp locks to her shoulders. Even without a stitch of make-up on, she held her immediate and undivided attention.

"Good morning," she said, looking shy and squeaky-clean.

"Good morning." Lisa squeezed her arm on her way to the percolator, unable to decide which smelled better—Roseanne or the coffee. She liked how the natural-as-living greeting felt. She'd have liked it even more if they'd shared the same bed last night.

"Don't you have to go to work?"

She broke into her thoughts while Lisa poured herself a cup. "I worked the weekend and I've got today off." She took a long satisfying sip, made the requisite "ahh" sound, and grinned. "Don't even think about getting rid of me. I'm sticking around. You need me."

In place of the protest she expected, a smile broke across Roseanne's face. But she recovered quickly, leaned against the counter, crossed her arms and watched her, attempting to look stern with giveaway eyes.

Lisa fought the urge to fold her into an embrace, bury her nose in her jasmine-scented hair and kiss her neck until she ripped off her clothes. Instead, she made a nervy, lopsided smirk, daring her to resist her.

"Well," Roseanne said. "In that case, the least I can do is make you breakfast."

* * *

Roseanne had offered her bathroom so Lisa could take a quick shower after they ate. Later, they both found themselves standing before the same sink with Valerie's plastic bathtub, filling it with warm water. She pondered Lisa's intense interest in her child's care. What was that all about?

"Let me do it," Lisa said, and she moved closer to the vanity. Her big hands held over half of Valerie's entire body. The infant squirmed and drew her tiny legs up tight to her pink tummy, and then widened her eyes and pushed the tip of her minuscule tongue to her lips in surprise. One little peep escaped her mouth when Lisa submerged the lower part of her body into the water. After tensing, her scrawny legs relaxed, until she cooed and gurgled.

Valerie liked her bath.

Roseanne laughed at the look of clear amazement in Lisa's eyes. "See—it's fun." She giggled. "I told you."

The smile Lisa gave her almost knocked her flip-flops off her feet. And, oh, what a fine profile she had when she turned back to finish her assigned job of bathing a four-pound infant. Roseanne had never imagined the smell of baby lotion on Lisa could be such an aphrodisiac.

She was puzzled. Either Lisa was a natural at bathing a baby, or she'd done it before. Why did she want to help her? And, more importantly, why did she trust her so much? Lisa had been a godsend last night, and she'd never forget how she'd come to her rescue. But why choose to stick around today?

After the bath, she helped Lisa swathe Valerie in a towel and gently dried the beginnings of the fine, brunette hair on her head. Valerie griped and squirmed.

Roseanne and Lisa looked at each other and gave happy-face smiles over the wonder of it all. And something more, something intense, even urgent, passed between them.

"So, you want to tell me what happened over the weekend?" Lisa asked, while putting a new diaper on Valerie like a pro.

Roseanne sighed and leaned against the counter. "I felt completely overwhelmed—all the equipment, and Valerie's treatments, not to mention nursing her every two hours—I never got to sleep." She closed her eyes and tried to block the horrible feeling of failure from her mind. "It just all caught up with me."

"Why didn't you ask for help?"

She rolled her eyes. "Stubborn. Foolish, I guess. Shouldn't I be able to handle all of this myself?"

"Nope." Lisa attempted to wrap Valerie in a light blanket.

Roseanne stepped in and demonstrated the swaddling technique.

"I can't thank you enough." She touched Lisa's arm and reacted in her gut. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come."

Lisa held Valerie like a football in the bend of her arm. "You'd have pulled yourself together and called someone. That much I know."

Lisa had faith in her.

Her eyes wandered to her face, and she flushed warm when she saw the same look she'd given her the other day, just after their kiss.

"Whew, it's steamy in here." She tore away from Lisa's intense gaze and opened the bathroom door, breaking the moment and escaping her sensual spell.

Over the next several hours they diapered, fed, medicated and spent an inordinate amount of time just watching Valerie. Any and every little thing she did tickled them. Her belches were hysterical, and the look she gave just before pooping had them in stitches. The zapped look of contentment on her face after nursing made them both coo. And when she gurgled? Well, what could they do but beam with pride?

Lisa made sure Roseanne napped regularly and ate properly throughout the day. She also swept the floors, did her laundry, straightened up the house and ran to the market for groceries. At nine o'clock that night, she escorted Roseanne to bed, made her promise she'd call her if she had any problems, and assured her she'd be back the next day, after work.

Roseanne plopped into bed, with Valerie nearby in the attached bedside crib, and securely connected her to the apnea monitor. The wonderful day had come to an end. And the icing on the cake had been a tender goodnight kiss from her new heroine—Lisa. It might have seemed casual to her—her leaning down and gently pressing her lips to her forehead—but to Roseanne it had felt like the kiss she so desperately needed.

The last thought on Roseanne's mind before she drifted off to sleep was how wonderful it was to have someone...

* * *

Tuesday morning, Lisa had just finished making work assignments when her beeper went off. She recognized the number as the emergency room. Knowing they'd have whatever equipment she'd need, she rushed to the stairwell, avoiding the notoriously slow hospital elevators, navigating her way to the ER.

She punched in the code numbers to enter the locked ward and swept through the doors toward the nurses' station. Through the overcrowded bustle and noise, the charge nurse alerted her to the incoming ambulance and its estimated time of arrival.

"SIDS," she said casually, as if it happened every day of the week.

Lisa's heart stopped. What if it was Valerie? All reason about the statistical odds of it actually being her daughter left her head. Her normally steady-as-steel hands trembled like leaves on a windy day. She shook her head to help refocus her vision.

How would she be of any use to the code team, falling apart like this?

"Are you okay?" The charge nurse had picked up on the fact that all the blood had drained from her face.

She couldn't bring herself to answer and fumbled for a chair to sit down. The nurse approached her, waving something she'd pulled from her pocket.

The potent ammonia ampule she'd popped open under her nose burned her lungs, forced her attention, and started her breathing again. Lisa swatted her hand away.

"Just tell me where the baby is coming from, how old it is and is it anyone we know?"

"The paramedics said it's a two-month-old boy. And he's not dead, but he's gone into cardiac arrest."

The emotional whirlwind blew out of her mind. Relieved beyond belief, Lisa gathered her composure, quit thinking like a parent and started thinking like an unflappable respiratory therapist.

She prepared for a battle of life and death, determined along with the rest of the code team to make sure the baby boy had a fighting chance to see his first birthday.

And once she'd made sure the child was stable, first chance she got, she'd call Roseanne and ask how Valerie was doing today.

* * *

The last ten days had passed beautifully with Lisa's help. Roseanne mused what a blessing she'd been on the way home from her six-week postpartum checkup. She had trusted her to babysit while she went, and there were no messages on her cellphone, which was a good sign.

Pulling her car into the driveway, she was delightfully surprised to see Lisa looking huge, and Valerie microscopic, on the front porch. She waved at her with a broad smile. All was well.

She parked and Lisa greeted her on the steps with a kiss on the cheek. Roseanne was in love with her. She couldn't deny it. But she'd keep her secret for now, and most likely for always. By the dreamy look on Lisa's face, she guessed she might have feelings for her, too. She knew what she wished for—now, if she could only read her mind...

"So, how'd it go?" Lisa asked, handing a squirming Valerie to her.

"The good news is I'm doing great," she said, reaching for her baby and making little cooing sounds of comfort and clicks of her tongue. She looked up and grew serious. "The bad news is that means I've got to go back to work in a week."

"Do you feel ready for that?" Lisa raised a brow.

"I'm not sure." She patted Valerie's back.

"What about Peanut?"

"I've made arrangements with one of the retired NICU nurses to watch her while I work, and then my mom will be here for a couple of weeks."

Lisa looked as if she wanted to ask more, but refrained. She opened the door and followed her inside.

"Oh, yeah. She's ready to eat," Lisa said.

Roseanne gave a salute. "Reporting for duty." She smiled and gurgled at Valerie, and carried her into the nursery to feed and put her down, then closed the door.

Valerie liked a long nap in the afternoons, and Roseanne looked forward to some time alone with Lisa. They had grown closer over the last month. Closer than she'd ever been with her ex over the three years they were together—which was rather amazing. And definitely closer than when she and Lisa had dated last year. What had brought about this change? Was it Valerie?

She intended to explore her perplexing feelings for Lisa more, but not right now. Her mind was on something else—something big and gorgeous to look at.

Lisa had been evasive whenever she'd brought up her medical school interviews. "Things went great," she'd say, or, "I'll see whether they accept me or not and go from there." But she'd never go into particulars.

Astounded by the depth of her newfound love for Lisa, Roseanne feared the day she would quit Mercy Hospital and march off to another university across the country, leaving her and Valerie with a huge gap to fill.

For the first time in her life she wanted to risk it all—give her soul, have her heart ripped from her chest or spend the rest of her life alone—for even one moment of paradise with Lisa. No book could tell her how to go about it; she'd have to write this one herself.

So, after her thorough checkup, and at her own request, Dr. Marks had fit Roseanne for a diaphragm. And now, this very afternoon, she had high hopes of getting to use it. After all she had done for her, Lisa had some serious "thank-you" sex due her. Not that she'd think of it that way. But Roseanne was looking for an excuse—any excuse—to make love to her. Her fantasy mission was to spend the afternoon close to her, in her arms.

Under Lisa's tender loving care and feeding, she felt like a new woman. So, after putting Valerie to nap, filled with determination, energy and lust for life—lust for Lisa, anyway—Roseanne closed the nursery door and sauntered into the living room.

Lisa sat in the rocking chair, looking absolutely perfect, reading a magazine. Sunlight shimmered through the shoulder-length hair that framed her face. Her mouth went dry.

"I'm going to get something to drink," she said. "Would you like anything?"

"Sure. Water." Lisa smiled appreciatively.

Her legs felt like water. She needed to regroup, gather more confidence. Positive that she hadn't been misreading the multitude of signals Lisa had given her, she filled one glass, took a few swallows, filled another and headed back to the living room, all the while doing battle with her nerves. Why hadn't she thought to read a book about seducing the woman of your dreams?

She brought the water and handed it to Lisa, then circled behind the chair and placed her hands on her shoulders. She began to gently massage with warm, vigorous strokes. She admired her strength. Lisa groaned and put down the water. Her head fell forward in apparent bliss for a few moments before she straightened.

"Come here," she said, and reached behind for Roseanne's hand. "Sit on my lap."

Taking a subtle deep breath, she complied, sitting sideways across her thighs. Lisa gazed at her and smiled—there was that look again—and a flock of butterflies flew into her chest.

Go for it.

She put her arms around her neck and nuzzled her cheek, awakening nerve-endings she hadn't even known she had. Could the jaw be an erogenous zone?

Her large, warm hand caressed her face and she felt her heart thump in her chest. Lisa turned her head and kissed her, long and hard, building their passion slowly. She pulled back just enough to speak.

"I think that red-hot Feng Shui wall is working wonders on the energy in this room."

Roseanne broke away and gazed into her eyes. "You may be right. But I don't want to think about anything right now." Her body softened, melting onto hers, while their mouths greeted each other again. Lisa probed with her tongue, playful and adventurous, steadily building, firmer and stronger, until the kiss became urgent, desperate. Her hands moved over her back, rubbing, kneading and drawing her tight to her body.

On a whim, and fueled by their kiss, Roseanne shifted her position, swinging her leg over her lap, facing her full-on. She took her face into her hands and kissed her the way she'd dreamed about over the past week. Lisa moaned and gave herself to her, boosting her confidence. She felt her response under her thigh and grew even braver, pressing into it in a full straddle. A surge of sensation coursed through her core and a new boldness emerged. She'd take control and run with it.

Lisa's hands shot to the small of her back and pulled her forward. She pressed her firmly against her arousal, pleasuring and taunting them both.

Roseanne moaned. "More. I want more."

Lisa groaned.

Roseanne broke from her kiss and dropped her head back. Following her hint, Lisa kissed her neck, licking the skin, drawing it into her mouth. Roseanne purred and subtly rocked back and forth with their hips locked in place. It felt too good. Heavenly was more like it.

"You're driving me crazy." Lisa's voice brought her back from wicked, wonderful mindlessness.

Seeing dazed desire in her eyes, Roseanne silently got up and with a trembling hand took hers, then led her down the hall...into her room.

* * *

The bed called out—large, cool and empty.

Lisa had an impulse to grab Roseanne and throw her onto the mattress and ravish her. Instead, practicing self-restraint, she fumbled and unbuttoned her blouse, all the while frantically feathering kisses lightly across her neck and chest. God, she loved how Roseanne responded with shivers. The last button was stubborn, and she popped it open like a snap—hoped she didn't mind. By the intense look on her face, she didn't seem to. Lisa's excitement grew when she unveiled her lace bra and the lovely flesh hiding just beneath. Her fingers explored the bra in total concentration and awe, then boldly removed it.

"So beautiful," she said.

Roseanne's breath caught when Lisa leaned forward and kissed her breasts, gently cupping each one before pressing firmly, memorizing the feel. Her thumb lightly swept each nipple until it pebbled. Lisa pulled her head back, to better admire her, and loved what she saw.

Anxious to be skin to skin, Lisa didn't bother to unbutton her shirt, but ripped it open, sending buttons flying around the room. She laughed as she stripped her sports bra off, and Roseanne did, too. It helped her relax and calm down the tiniest bit.

Aching with desire, Lisa clutched her bare back, holding her tight, caressing the heat of her skin in her palms, amazed by her silky, soft feel.

They finished undressing each other in a frenzied fashion, unzipping, tugging, removing the final barriers. Finally naked, they embraced.

* * *

The thrill was more than Roseanne could bear. Discovering a glorious new joy of touch, she closed her eyes and, with eager hands, savored every centimeter of skin on Lisa's body.

Lisa lowered herself onto the bed and reached for her. Roseanne crawled on top, sharing her breasts, hips and stomach with her flesh. Heat flashed up her body, flaming her desire. Lisa's breathing grew rough when she enfolded her in her arms. Inhaling her scent, Roseanne kissed her, tasted her, loved her.

Lisa rolled her onto her back, kissing her neck and jaw, cupping her breast and nuzzling her hair with her nose.

"You're beautiful," she said, then sat up and praised her with her eyes.

Lisa gave her the distinct impression that at that moment in time she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Roseanne basked in her attention.

Lisa took her peaked breast into her mouth, and a feeling completely different from her motherly role roiled through her. She arched her back and bit her lip to keep from calling out. A hand wandered across her belly and between her legs. She relaxed for her and Lisa gently opened her, stirring new sensations. Seeming intent on giving her pleasure before taking her own, Lisa continued with the gentle massage. Roseanne grew weak and tense at the same time. All the while Lisa watched her, and she tried to look back, but could only concentrate on her intimate touch—until she couldn't take any more. A deep wave of release crested and rolled over her, reaching every cell in her body. When she recovered, she wanted only one thing.

"I need you," she said.

Lisa's eyes blazed with anticipation, and then regret. "I don't have a condom."

Roseanne smiled wisely. "I stopped at the pharmacy on my way home today."

Lisa gave a wicked grin and raised an eyebrow. "You did?" The fire in her eyes made Roseanne's face flare with heat. "Great."

Lisa latched onto her other breast with renewed vigor, taking it into her mouth, once again driving her mad.

Roseanne moaned as her hand reached for the bedside drawer, pulling it open and blindly digging through it, quickly finding the small foil packages. Never once did she think about her new diaphragm. It would mean she'd have to leave her for a minute, and she couldn't bear the thought.

Lisa snatched a packet like lightning, fidgeted with it until it ripped open, then rolled the condom in place. Pressing Roseanne's legs wider, she lunged. Then, as though remembering she'd only given birth six weeks ago, she came to an abrupt stop.

"I'm sorry." Lisa massaged her thigh. "I want you so much, I'm having trouble controlling myself."

Roseanne smiled at her consideration, but longed for the passion in her eyes and the feel of her body as close as only making love allowed. Roseanne bucked her hips in answer.

"You're killing me, Roseanne."

With obvious restraint, in a long, luxuriating move, Lisa entered, pressing slowly and completely into her, then growled.

Roseanne tensed with tenderness, but gradually yielded around her form. They met at a private, primitive place and held each other dangerously close to the edge. Lisa moved deeper, in and out, then deeper still, finding a perfect spot to love. Time was suspended in sensual oblivion. Step by step, Roseanne let go, losing control until she was completely hers. She captured Lisa with her hips, loving her back, asking for more, driving her deeper. Driving herself crazy.

Sweat beaded on Lisa's chest and Roseanne savored the salty taste, loving the hot, damp feel of Lisa on top of her. Heat and juices mixed, making a heady scent, sending primal messages to her core.

Hovering above her, Lisa stared into her face. She was so gone with sensation, she could barely look back. When she did, Roseanne saw raw desire burning in her eyes. Lisa was right there with her, teetering on the edge of bliss, as close as two people could ever be.

Lisa held her hips and tilted her just so, as if it could feel any more perfect—it did. She knotted her legs around her waist and went swimming through time and space, flying out of control on an exquisite adventure with Lisa. She rode the wave of pleasure, praying it would never end, until an apex of spasms slammed her through the other side of heaven. Roseanne gasped with intense shudders...and Lisa quickly followed.

Breathless, Lisa collapsed beside her, seeming sated and slack with exhaustion, staying tangled and twisted with her body. LIsa kissed her forehead and whispered, "I love you." She snuggled into Roseanne's neck, and then she went still.

I love you?

Though limp, and consumed by their lovemaking, Roseanne shot up, ecstatic. "You do?"

Lisa pulled her back down to her embrace. Grinning, and offering gentle kisses all over her face, she said, "Oh, yeah."

Elated, Roseanne relaxed into her arms and sighed. "I love you, too."

The perfect moment stretched into several minutes of joy and peace. Completely together. In love. Totally and monumentally content.

Roseanne drifted toward sleep.

"Are you awake?" Lisa asked.

"Mmm..."

"Who is Valerie's other parent, Roseanne?"

Roseanne studied her face—perfection. A foreign tense feeling formed in her stomach. "Someone who was never meant to be a part of my life, but who had everything to do with my future. No one you'd know."

"A one-night stand?"

"A sperm bank donor."

Obviously grappling with her answer, Lisa furrowed her brow. "How did you choose?"

Folding her hands across her stomach, Roseanne stared at the ceiling. Thinking back, she remembered contemplating that the sperm donor's thoroughly described physical characteristics reminded her of a certain respiratory therapist, at the time.

"Aside from the great vital statistics, you mean?" She grinned, trying to lighten up, but realized Lisa was dead serious and switched tack. "If you want the truth, it came down to a picture of a girl and her sister, and a wonderful essay." She eased into a smile, remembering the moment she'd made the decision that had changed her life forever. "That clinched it for me."

Lisa's hand covered hers. "You know that my sister's name is Valerie, don't you?"

"Yes," she said, and an uneasy feeling developed in her chest. "Isn't that an odd coincidence?"

"I was born with polydactyly, too."

Desperate to turn her logic into joking, Roseanne said, "Oh, and you probably give regularly to the local sperm bank—right?"

"Bambam is my best friend. He's the head of the cryobank."

Roseanne's mind shot nervously to remember Bambam. He'd helped her make the biggest decision of her life. "But it's all confidential. He had no influence over my choice."

"And he never told me a word about you."

Desperate to not make it so, she said, "It's just a coincidence..."

Lisa cleared her throat and began to recite. "'...if, in the end, I've done anything worthwhile with my life, nothing will compare to this...'"

What was she trying to tell her? Roseanne couldn't hear this— not now. "You've seen that on Valerie's wall, that's all."

Lisa sat up, reached for her hand. "I wrote it."

She pulled hers away. "It's not you."

"I gave the cryobank a picture of me and my twin sister for the package. You must have that, too."

Roseanne rolled away from her. "No."

But Lisa wouldn't stop. She wouldn't give up. She had to torture her by driving her point home. Lisa swept the hair from her shoulder and kissed the curve of her back.

She froze.

"I donated to that sperm bank, Roseanne..."

A vise strangled her chest. She turned to face her. "No!"

Lisa grabbed her arms and squeezed tight, forcing her to look at her. Fire glared in her eyes. "I'm Valerie's donor. I'm sure of it."

"You can't be." Roseanne clenched her eyes closed and shook her head back and forth. "No!" Her gaze darted nervously around the room, adding things up in her mind. "Then that means you only came around because you thought Valerie was yours."

"That's not true!"

"How else would you explain it, Lisa? We'd said goodbye before I got pregnant."

She'd been completely duped by Lisa and her scheme to weasel into Valerie's life. The child she'd planned to keep only to herself had another flesh-and-blood mother. Right before her. Never again would she be content to imagine a vial with "Donor #683" marked on it, and feel safe that Valerie was all hers. Lisa had ruined everything.

Two words formed in her throat.

"Get out!"

Silence.

"GET out!" she repeated.

Lisa stood, looking dumbstruck.

Roseanne shouted, "Leave!" Dead serious, she bundled Lisa's clothes and threw them at her. "Now!"

"Listen to me, Roseanne..." Lisa fumbled for her jeans.

Like a child, Roseanne cupped her hands over her ears. "I know all I need to know. How could you?"

Lisa hopped on one leg, slipping the other into her pants. "I never meant to find out. Things just kept adding up." She quickly put on her shirt completely forgetting her bra.

Roseanne's gut twisted so tight, she wanted to throw up. She bit back the sting of tears, refusing to give Lisa the satisfaction of crying. "What a fool I was. To think you were actually interested in me." A wry laugh escaped her lips.

"I love you. Damn it! I wasn't lying."

Lisa tried to grasp her arms. Confused and furious, Roseanne shrugged away.

Valerie woke up crying.

Screaming.

Roseanne pushed past Lisa. "Get out," she reiterated, and stormed through the bedroom door.

Lisa followed her. The baby's shrieks grew louder. Roseanne turned on her. "Leave us alone." She flung her hand toward the nursery and the wailing within. "Don't you see what you're doing to us?"

She saw a horrified look cross Lisa's face, and then resignation.

"This isn't over," Lisa said, retreating back.

"Oh, yes, it is!" She practically ripped the nursery door off its hinges and rushed to Valerie's crib. Forcing herself to calm down for the baby's sake, Roseanne took a deep breath—and heard the front door slam.

Only then did she let her tears flow.

Now, for the first time since she'd started nursing, she had trouble letting down her milk. Her body trembled with anger.

"How could she?" she muttered to Valerie.

What kind of twisted sense of obligation did she have, to have wooed and conquered her just because she'd figured out she was the sperm donor for her baby?

"You're my baby. My baby." She gritted her teeth and wondered where her milk had disappeared. "She has no legal hold on you."

Valerie's eyes watched her earnestly.

Roseanne had studied the cryobank contract, and several other law books she'd checked out on the subject. She knew Lisa had no legal recourse.

Valerie fidgeted, seeming as agitated as Roseanne felt. Things had changed from wonderful to a nightmare, all in a matter of seconds. Working to calm herself and Valerie down, Roseanne forced herself to relax. She repositioned Valerie in her arms and finally felt her milk let down.

With a soft, desperate whisper, she searched her daughter's eyes and asked, "Why did I have to go and fall in love with her?"

* * *

Lisa couldn't believe what had just happened. She'd told Roseanne she loved her and she'd kicked her out. She'd consented and left—only because she'd needed time to regroup.

How had everything backfired so horribly? They had connected, she and Roseanne; they rode the same wavelength in so many ways. She was a great woman, a fantastic mother, and, oh, my God, a lover beyond all others.

Astounding.

Talk about connecting. They'd been so totally in the moment with each other back there it had scared her at first. But only for a moment. Once she'd gotten over the shock of being exactly where she'd wanted to be with Roseanne, she'd recognized the look in her eyes. They knew each other; they were meant to be together.

And her plans never to be a mother again? Shot to hell.

Now bile reared in her stomach and acid in her throat. She loved Roseanne, and thought she loved her back, but she'd just kicked her out of her house and her bed as if she was the world's biggest louse. Lisa had to get things straightened out.

Pushing the pedal to the metal on her hybrid car, she almost hit sixty on the 5 Freeway heading for Silver Lake.

Now what?

Aside from Roseanne, there was only one other person Lisa wanted to talk to.

* * *

"Wow. What happened to you?" Her sister, Valerie, answered the door in jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair in a thick braid.

"I just had my heart ripped out and stomped on. That's what." Lisa entered the familiar home of her twin.

A mischievous smile crossed her sister's lips. "Ah...finally the tables have turned."

"I'm serious. I'm in love."

Lisa plopped down onto the rattan settee and scrubbed her hands across her face. "I need a beer."

Normally, she'd have expected Valerie to tell her to get it herself. But she must have seen the desperation on her face, and she left the room, heading for the kitchen without a single snide remark.

Valerie returned, looking curious, with a can for Lisa and a bottle of water for herself. Sitting across from her, yoga-style on a roomy chair, she settled in.

"Haven't I been telling you for years that when it comes to true love, persistence pays off?"

Lisa nodded, feeling a little queasy and defeated.

Her sister's sympathetic hazel eyes waited expectantly. "Why don't you tell me all about it?"

Lisa took a swig of beer, cleared her throat and began...

* * *

The phone rang again. Roseanne ignored it—again. How many times could a person call without giving up? For two days straight the phone had rung every hour between five and nine p.m. She knew it was Lisa because those were the hours after she got off work. And even now she was considerate of her need for rest by stopping the phone calls at nine.

If Lisa had worked last weekend, she knew she'd have this weekend off. Roseanne prayed she had some big plans to keep her away from them—like studying for term finals or a camping trip with Bambam.

Every day that passed she felt herself grow weaker. She simply couldn't face the fact that she loved Lisa with all of her heart. It wasn't part of her plan.

And Lisa had deceived her. It wasn't really her she was interested in. How could she ever forgive her?

Roseanne picked up the phone to call Jennie for some distraction. On the fifth ring, when Jennie picked up, she realized she'd interrupted something.

"Hello?" Jennie answered, breathless.

"Hey, it's me."

Roseanne heard sheets and blankets rustling, and muffled sounds in the background.

Jennie giggled. "Stop that," she said, just before putting her hand over the receiver. A moment passed. "I'm sorry, Roseanne, you caught me at a bad time."

"I'll call back later."

"No! I want to talk to you, really."

"Call me when you're, uh...er...done." Roseanne smiled for her friend, remembering her own afternoon tryst with Lisa, not so long ago, and hung up.

"I know!" Roseanne made a silly face at Valerie, who was dangling in the snugly sling on her chest, as if the baby understood everything she said. "I'll call Mrs. Lee. Remember her? Your future nanny?" She crossed her eyes and cooed at her daughter, who gurgled and squirmed.

"I'll ask her to come over and walk through your routine again." She strode toward the phone with added purpose. "And then I'll feed you some lunch, okay?"

Roseanne dreaded going back to work and leaving her baby in someone else's care. The only other person she trusted more than herself to care for Valerie was Lisa.

In a perfect world.

But, being a single mother, Roseanne knew she had to make a living. She'd stocked up on freezing her breast milk for the past two weeks. Mrs. Lee, aside from being an ex-nurse, was both a mother and a grandmother. Valerie would be in good hands. All would be well, she chanted.

Roseanne had been scheduled for Sunday as her first day back to work, with Monday off. One day wouldn't be so bad. But, starting next Tuesday, Roseanne would be back to the old grind of a forty-hour work week.

Hang tough for the reward, kiddo.

Her mother's face came to mind. A no-nonsense, stern lady, who'd softened with time. Having given up on men years ago, Eleanor Park had let her hair go steel-gray and had put more than a few extra pounds on her average frame. But she seemed happy now, and for the first time in her life seemed settled in, no longer expectant. She drew her pleasure from good books, quilting and card games with friends she'd made in her middle-management position at a phone company. "This will do," she'd often said to her daughter during their phone conversations. "I don't have any complaints."

Was that all Roseanne had to look forward to? Quilts and card games?

Roseanne knew Valerie would be the light of her grandmother's life when she arrived in another week. And the distraction of having a full-time visitor, while working, would help keep her mind off of Lisa.

She walked to the nursery, with Valerie tethered to her chest in the sling, to fold some laundry. A strange clanking sound came from her backyard. It sounded like someone was hammering.

"What the...?" Roseanne crossed to the window and pulled back the curtain. She gasped.

There worked Lisa, pounding metal pegs into the ground to stabilize a fully erected tent!

Swishing the curtain closed, she strode to the back door and into her tiny yard.

"Are you crazy?" She strangled the words to keep from yelling.

Lisa swaggered toward her. "Only about you, sweet-cakes." She made a quick right turn and yanked on a rope. The front tent flaps opened, showing Roseanne a small, but efficient area, complete with a bed, sleeping bag, clothes and even a chair.

Lisa had moved in? Or outside? In a tent? As irritated as she insisted she was feeling, a tiny twinge of amusement skittered through her brain. She covered for it with an indignant pose, one hand cradling Valerie, the other planted on her hip.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

Lisa ambled toward her and took a peek inside the sling. "Hi, Peanut," she said. "I've missed you."

Roseanne swatted her hand away. "Answer my question."

"It seems a certain headstrong, yet beautiful woman doesn't know what's best for her." Lisa stared at Roseanne until her knees went wobbly. "And, since I've finally figured out what's best for me, I'll be living here until said woman gets the point."

Roseanne's heart jumped to her throat. How could she remain strong with the temptation of Lisa in her very own backyard?

"There is no point to get. You lied to me, took advantage, just so you could be in Valerie's life." She clamped her arms around her baby and took several steps back. "You're just a sperm donor. That doesn't make you her parent."

Lisa stared at her. "You and I both know I'm more than that."

Rushing into the house, she slammed the door closed. Valerie flinched. Roseanne felt horrible, and quickly soothed her with a pat. Only then did she finish her thoughts. I wish things could be different.

She toughened up, looked through the laundry room window, and said, "If you're not out of here in the next hour, I'm calling the police!"

Valerie squealed. Lisa folded her arms, looking resolute. Roseanne turned and marched into the kitchen.

Now what do I do?

* * *

In Roseanne's backyard, over a small portable hibachi, Lisa barbecued vegetables and a boneless chicken breast. Three hours had passed since she'd set up the tent. She knew Roseanne wouldn't call the police. Beneath the rage that filled her eyes, she still saw that look—the look of love.

Taking her sister's advice to heart, she'd come up with this wacky plan. "When it comes to true love," she'd said, "persistence pays off."

Lisa vowed to do whatever was necessary. Even if it meant staying camped out in Roseanne's backyard, however long it took, to get back into her good graces.

Seeing her again just now on the back stoop, she'd felt the passion she had for her slam out of her chest. She needed a moment to recover. God, she missed her—and Valerie.

Lisa had rearranged her entire life to put them at the center, and now she couldn't even get in the back door. But, both patient and resourceful, she'd wait it out, certain it would be only so long before Roseanne couldn't resist her, again.

Dr. Patel had come through for her. Optimistic joy replaced the gloom she'd been harboring in her heart. For the hell of it, she jumped and swung on a low branch of the tree in her yard—until she smelled smoke and realized her chicken breast had caught fire.

* * *

Roseanne systematically went to each window in the house and pulled the shade. She'd shut Lisa out. Block her out of her mind. Whatever it took, she'd do it, to be rid of the woman she still loved. She would never be able to trust that she loved her for her and her alone. No. Valerie was the reason she'd pledged her heart to her...and that wasn't good enough.

Mrs. Lee came and went. Jennie and Kai came for a visit and left. Now Roseanne sat alone in the perfect Feng Shui of her dark living room. She could feel Lisa's life force beckoning, drawing her away from her senses. She had to resist, stand her ground for what she knew was right. She moved two tall potted plants into the path of her energy force, to block it, and sat down on the couch.

If Lisa didn't truly love her, she'd eventually grow bored and move on, leaving not only Roseanne, but also Valerie brokenhearted. She'd never let that happen to her daughter. Not the way it had happened to her, over and over, as a child, with her mother's parade of changing boyfriends.

Roseanne brushed the soft golden waves in her hair, preparing for bed. She tried not to think of Lisa, curled up in a sleeping bag, in a tent, in her backyard. Valerie slept nearby in the bedside crib. One last check of the apnea monitor and Roseanne was set to climb into bed and attempt to sleep. So many thoughts swirled inside her head that she suspected she'd never be able to fall asleep. But the roiling emotions had drained her, and nursing Valerie just minutes before had depleted the last of her physical reserves. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

* * *

The first day at work shocked her back into the reality of being a nurse.

Mrs. Lee had arrived at the house fifteen minutes early, and they'd gone through a quick checklist. When they'd passed through the kitchen, the sight of Lisa's tent had caught the woman's eye.

Roseanne had covered for the unusual circumstances. "Oh, don't mind her. She's harmless." She'd tried to act casual. "She gets away with practically nothing for rent." She had shaken her head. "Some people," she'd said under her breath as she'd opened the freezer to show Mrs. Lee several bags of frozen breast milk.

Roseanne had cried and blubbered as if she was giving her child to an orphanage when it was time to leave. Saying goodbye to Valerie was even harder than saying goodbye to Lisa.

But, like remembering how to ride a bicycle, she slipped into the role of charge nurse the minute her crisp uniform and sensible white shoes entered the pulmonary ward and the distinct smell of hospital entered her nostrils.

Several nurses rushed to greet her, as though she were a celebrity. They hugged each other, and Roseanne shared her photographs of Valerie with them, sending the ladies into cooing and squealing spells.

Well, she is adorable.

Using good old-fashioned common sense, Roseanne assigned herself to be the medicine nurse. She'd tackle total patient care another day. Today she'd push the gray cart on wheels to every patient's room, and distribute medication as directed by their personal physician's orders.

After the end-of-shift report, she delivered everything from antibiotics, to bronchodilators, insulin to IV piggybacks, to the patients on the ward. The routine only allowed time to think about Valerie once or twice an hour.

At lunch, after using the breast pump, she called home to check in on how Valerie and Mrs. Lee were doing.

"Everything is peachy, sweetie. Quit worrying," Mrs. Lee said in a friendly tone, just before sneezing. "Valerie is a wonderful baby. We've got her right on schedule."

"What do you mean 'we'?" Sudden concern that Mrs. Lee had brought a friend over developed in her worrywart head.

"Why, that nice young woman who lives in your backyard. Lisa and I. She heard Valerie fussing in the kitchen while I was defrosting your breast milk, and she tapped on the door."

Roseanne gasped and bit her tongue. "Ouch."

"What was that dear?" Oblivious, Mrs. Lee continued. "She has quite the way with your baby." She sniffed. "Said she always helps out." She blew her nose.

Roseanne worried that the woman might be coming down with a cold, and wanted to snatch Valerie away from her germs.

"Oh, and I let her use your shower. I hope you don't mind."

Are you crazy!?

Knowing she had to be diplomatic, Roseanne stayed calm. "Mrs. Lee, please don't let her into the house again. I should have been more honest this morning. She isn't my friend, and she doesn't really live there. She's my ex-girlfriend and has no business camping in my backyard."

After a suspended silence, Mrs. Lee said, "If you say so. But I have thoroughly enjoyed her company." The woman chuckled.

Going back to work, Roseanne gave out more medicine. She assisted other nurses with treatments for ventilator patients, along with tracheostomy care, and inserted a couple of intravenous lines. She thought about Valerie more, and in between worked on staffing schedules for the following month. Before she knew it, it was time to go home.

She drove her car into the driveway of her house, grateful that Lisa wasn't in view. Thank God she had tomorrow off and Lisa would have to work.

Her homecoming with Valerie was sublime. The infant's little eyes tried their best to focus on her face. And when Roseanne spoke Valerie's tiny tense body relaxed. The obvious recognition of child to mother was a boon to Roseanne's lagging spirit.

Having changed into more comfortable clothes after work, and ready and eager to nurse her baby, she waved goodbye to Mrs. Lee and prepared to sit in the rocker.

Thoughts of her and Lisa doing wild and wonderful things in that very seat caused her to change places. She chose the couch, where the pleasant trickling of water over rocks from her indoor fountain could be heard the best. That Feng Shui really had made her house more of a home, she marveled, and fought back the urge to run to the bathroom.

After a long and pleasant nursing session, Valerie drifted off to sleep and Roseanne scurried to the shower to refresh herself. She lit a lavender-scented candle, stripped naked and reached inside the shower stall to turn on the water. A note had been taped to the spigot.

Mrs. Lee let me use the shower, so I hope you don't mind. I did a lot of thinking about us in here. There's plenty of room to get creative. Look in the back corner. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yeah, that would work.

Roseanne splashed water from the faucet onto her face, and groaned.

I got to see our daughter today. I wish I could see you, too. Look, I screwed up. There are things we need to talk about, if you'll just give me a chance.

I miss you, but you know where to find me.

Love,
L.

As soon as Roseanne had finished bathing, she closed all the window shades on the back part of the house, and wished there was a reference guide on how to handle a situation like this.

The next morning, up at six for a cup of herbal tea before Valerie woke, Roseanne saw Lisa emerge from the tent. Dressed in jogging shorts and a tank top, she caught her watching.

Dang!

Before she could look away, LIsa grinned and waved at her through the window, running down the driveway and onto the street. Roseanne lived a good eight miles from Mercy Hospital, but that distance would mean nothing to a health nut like Lisa.

Roseanne imagined all the nurses by the panorama window in the pulmonary ward, waiting for her usual entrance. If they only had a clue what had transpired over the last six weeks, they'd have a gossip feeding frenzy. Thank God Roseanne could trust Jennie to keep her mouth shut.

Tuesday started with the same old grind: nurse Valerie, greet Mrs. Lee, cry and leave for work. The only difference today was that Lisa would be on the job, too. She dreaded the possibility of seeing her there.

Just before seven a.m., Jennie came shooting through the double doors. Late again, she waved at Roseanne, whirled around and made a beeline for the nurses' lounge.

Some things never change.

Except Jennie looked happier now than Roseanne had ever seen her. Her color was good, she'd put on a few pounds—in the right places—and her eyes glowed with contentment. Roseanne marveled over what love could do for a person, and bitterly remembered how sweet it had been with Lisa for a few weeks. Immediately she put up her guard. Until she left to start medical school it would be a hard, cold fact that she worked at Mercy Hospital, too, and she'd just have to get over it.

At eight o'clock, Lisa rounded the corner to the second floor. Sure enough, she'd assigned herself to the pulmonary ward. Roseanne couldn't stop the spurt of adrenaline. Her heart raced and she grew winded.

Lisa walked right up to her and smiled. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

How dare you ask how I am?

A flush warmed her cheeks. Steeling herself against her kindness, she answered curtly, "I'm fine," and brushed past her with an intravenous bag in her hand. Quickly she tamped down the urge to treat Lisar like a friend, and strode away.

She could feel her eyes on her back and fought the impulse to turn around.

Don't even think about it.

She'd get past this helpless feeling of love if it was the last thing she ever did.

Roseanne's eyes met with Jennie's, which squinted with concern, and then Roseanne noticed several other nurses looking on. Perhaps Jennie hadn't been as trustworthy as Roseanne had given her credit for. She glared at Jennie, who quickly looked away, guilty as charged—like a child getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Damn. They all know.

Roseanne entered the nearest patient room and pretended she needed to do something of importance. The old gentleman there opened his eyes and watched her bite her lip and squint.

"You look like you could use some cheering up," he said, in a winded voice.

Realizing she wasn't alone, she looked up and smiled at the man in the hospital bed, who battled the last stages of emphysema.

"Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Stein." She walked closer to him. His color was off, and the oxygen saturation interpreter clipped on his finger registered below eighty-nine percent, setting off the monitor. The loud beeping reminded her of Valerie's apnea device, but in this case it wasn't a false alarm.

Mr. Stein grew more short of breath. He struggled to inhale, his bony shoulders lifting with each attempt. Roseanne's first response was to increase his oxygen, but she knew with emphysema patients it would only trap more air in his lungs, preventing him from taking in a deep breath, so she left it at one liter.

After readjusting the pulse oximeter on his finger, to make sure it wasn't reflective of cold hands and poor circulation, the saturation dropped even more. She moved the bedside table over his hospital bed and helped him sit up and forward, placing his arms across two pillows on the table. Knowing the position would help open his lung expansion and hopefully allow some air inside, she waited for results.

"Do some pursed-lip breathing, Mr. Stein," she suggested, and puckered her own mouth while he slowly exhaled against the pressure of his lips. If he could get some of the trapped air out, he'd be able to take in more oxygenated air.

The saturation reading dropped to eighty-seven.

His lips were faintly discolored, the fine capillaries on his face looked blue, and his eyes tensed with concern.

One last attempt to readjust his pulse oximeter proved fruitless. The loud beeping continued as Mr. Stein's oxygen declined.

Answering the equipment alarm, Lisa brushed into the room, greeted the patient, quickly assessed the saturation levels, and fished some vials out from her lab jacket. After setting up a handheld nebulizer for Mr. Stein, she kept busy.

Roseanne watched while Lisa worked, calmly and efficiently, like the expert she was. She did have a gift and she should pursue medicine, even if it meant moving to another state.

Her long, lean runner's body moved with an ease and purpose that Roseanne admired against her will.

While holding Mr. Stein's hand for moral support, she read the patient chart and realized he was a DNR— do not resuscitate—and had requested never to be put on a ventilator.

Unconsciously, she grasped his hand a little tighter. The old gentleman nodded his head appreciatively as a silent understanding passed between them.

"After the breathing treatment, I'll do some postural drainage," Lisa said. "We'll get that stubborn mucus out of your lungs."

The patient looked grateful. Roseanne could see his skinny shoulders relax while Lisa auscultated his lungs and then checked his pulse. She looked at Roseanne and nodded, assuring her all would be well. Only then did her nerves unwind.

She left the room and stood outside, considering how dreadful it must be for Mr. Stein to know that one day he would slowly suffocate from his disease...and die.

After a long percussion session, and a symphony of coughing and throat clearing sounds, Lisa emerged from Mr. Stein's room victorious. She sought out Roseanne with intense eyes.

"Well, he's back up to ninety percent oxygen saturation, and feeling a heck of a lot better." Lisa raised a clear specimen jar of discolored sputum. "I think he may have developed an infection. I'll run this to the lab for some cultures."

Quickly averting her eyes—sputum had never been something Roseanne could tolerate looking at—she pretended to have an unnatural interest in the syringe she held. She flashed a glance at Lisa and said, "Thanks for your help." Curt. To the point. Then she moved away, so as not to encourage any further conversation.

Morbid thoughts seemed to color the rest of her day on the ward filled with respiratory challenged patients. The only bright spot was thinking about her daughter, and how she longed to go home to hold her in her arms.

At the end of the day, though tired, she walked briskly to her car in the employee lot, eager to get home. Opening the door, she heard someone running up behind her.

"Roseanne, wait."

It was Lisa.

She refused to turn around, just stood there shaking her head. When she came up behind her, she spoke. "Please leave me alone. I can't deal with this."

Lisa whispered over her shoulder. "I'm not going away. I just want you to know that."

Roseanne felt her breath warm her neck and reacted against her will. She'd changed her clothes in the nurses' lounge, and pulled her hair up into a ponytail, and now she felt chills run down her spine.

Damn her.

Lisa sped off in her running apparel and running shoes, as quickly as she'd come, leaving Roseanne more confused than ever. Why make a promise she knew she could never keep—I'm not going away—when her plans were to quit working at the hospital and attend out-of-state medical school? Why torment her with hope? Rosenne ran her hand across her neck and got into the car, turning the ignition.

Everyone always left. Ask her mother. She'd tell the truth. Roseanne remembered everything just like it was yesterday. The men would wander into Mom's life, make themselves at home, and then, just when she and her mother had gotten used to them, pack up and leave.

She shook her head, quickly becoming distracted at the sight of Lisa sprinting down the road as she passed in the car. For all she knew, considering traffic lights, she'd probably beat her home.

Ten minutes later, when she parked the car and found Leo, Lisa's cat, on her doorstep, she screamed.

No! You may not weasel yourself into my life, Lisa.

The first thing she did, after greeting her baby with a big kiss, and before Lisa arrived in her backyard, was once again close all of the window shades.

What I don't see can't hurt me.

Feeling content that she was standing her ground, she went about her evening routine, trying with all her might to pretend that the woman she loved wasn't camped out in her backyard.

* * *

A loud blaring sound drove her from the pleasant dream she was having about a stunning woman with strong arms carrying her away to paradise.

Loud. Blaring.

Roseanne awoke to the dreadful apnea monitor alarm. Half asleep, she wondered which lead had come undone this time. She stared at her daughter, completely still, who'd somehow managed to squirm into the corner of her bed. She switched on the bedside light and saw that all three leads were in place.

"Valerie?" She gently massaged the baby to stimulate her breathing, but there was no response. "Valerie!" she called again, gently tapping and shaking the sole of her foot, but still no response.

She'd stopped breathing.

Roseanne's hand shot to her mouth. "Oh, my God! Valerie!"

As she lifted the infant from the crib and laid her across the bed, she screamed for Lisa. She was at her side in an instant, dressed in her underwear.

"Valerie's not breathing," she said. "Call 911!"

Looking wild-eyed, Lisa dashed for the phone.

Roseanne gently tilted back Valerie's head. "Breathe, Valerie, breathe!" She checked the baby's airway, lifted her chin with one fingertip and looked, listened and felt for breath.

How could this be happening? Her baby had been thriving more each day, gaining weight, blossoming. Roseanne had to fight off the panicking mother to reach the seasoned nurse within.

Do infant rescue breathing. Quick!

Keeping Valerie's head back and chin lifted, Roseanne placed her mouth over the baby's nose and mouth, then carefully gave two puffs. Her little chest lifted and fell; nothing blocked her airway. Yet the infant didn't breathe on her own. She checked her brachial pulse. Thank God, her heart was still beating.

"Yes, I have an emergency," she heard Lisa say. "Our baby has stopped breathing."

Fear surged through every fiber of her body, but Roseanne fought it. She breathed for her baby every three seconds. "Come on, Valerie, breathe."

The area around the baby's face was starting to turn faintly blue. So were her fingertips. Roseanne breathed for her again. And again.

Oh, my God!

In a trance, she felt her heart palpitating as she felt for her baby's brachial pulse. Nothing. Horror filled her mind.

And from the corner of her eye Roseanne saw Lisa drop the phone as she started cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

Valerie's heart had stopped.

* * *

Two emergency medical technicians barreled into the house with the finesse of a herd of elephants. And, with them, the world as Roseanne knew it came crashing down at her feet. They stormed the kitchen, carrying armloads of equipment, adding to the chaos in her mind.

Shouting back and forth between Lisa, Roseanne and themselves, they said, "SIDS. Rebreathing asphyxia. Blunted response. Hypoxemia. Hypercarbia."

Roseanne moved out of their way. She stood on her toes and shifted her weight from one foot to the other, determined to keep her daughter in sight while they worked.

Lisa identified herself as a respiratory therapist and asked for an airway. Her voice sounded distant.

"What's the smallest you've got in your kit?" Her eyes never wavered from Valerie's still form.

"2.5 millimeter," the larger man dressed in navy blue said, while rifling through a red three-tiered box. He handed a tiny white plastic question-mark-shaped item to Lisa.

The other man held a penlight above Valerie's mouth, shining it toward the back of her throat.

With the skill of an expert, Lisa slipped the airway device inside Valerie's mouth and carefully down her throat. Roseanne knew this was insurance against an obstructed respiratory passage. In mere seconds her mission was accomplished, and the other rescue worker had connected oxygen and an infant Ambu-Bag to act like a bellows for her lungs.

Until she could breathe for herself, they'd breathe for her. Roseanne shuddered. She wouldn't allow herself to think anything negative. Things would be okay. She paced and prayed.

"All clear?" one man said, holding little paddles against Valerie's chest.

They gave a quick electrical shock, waited and watched for a spontaneous rhythm on the monitor. When nothing happened they continued with external compressions, and a few seconds later shocked her again.

Minutes that seemed like hours later, one of the emergency techs made an announcement.

"Sinus rhythm." He'd discovered a faint heartbeat, and indicated the blip on the defibrillation machine.

Thinking the rhythmical beep of the machine was the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard, Roseanne exchanged a relieved look with Lisa, and finally took a breath.

Valerie would live.

* * *

Hours later at the hospital, when Roseanne's trembling hands had steadied, and Dr. Patel had reassured her for the third time that all would be well, she relaxed the tiniest bit.

"It appears that Valerie has a respiratory virus that may have shut down her airways."

A quick flash to Mrs. Lee with her sniffles and sneezes over the last week came to Roseanne's mind. A virus had caused this? Guilt bit like a rabid dog.

Why didn't she stay home with her?

"Due to the baby's premature lungs, the lack of oxygen did not trigger the response that we would normally observe," he said.

Dizzy with anxiety, she couldn't stop thinking over what might have been if she hadn't had the apnea monitor in place. Roseanne needed to sit down. She searched for a chair...anything.

She'd been aware of her constant companion over the last few hours, taken Lisa for granted, even. But not until the moment she lost her balance and Lisa caught her in her arms did she quietly thank God she'd been there throughout the ordeal.

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning on her.

Lisa held her steady and firm against her chest. Roseanne felt her take a breath of relief along with hers.

Feeling as if she owed everyone an explanation, she began to talk. "I had a little wedge under her back so she could sleep on her side. Somehow she'd rolled onto her stomach." Roseanne bit back tears and overcame panic while she replayed the moment in her head. "I found her...in the corner of the bed."

From behind, Lisa grasped her arms and gave a firm squeeze of support.

"Thank God for the apnea monitor," she said.

"You did everything right," Dr. Patel said with a mild nod and a reassuring smile. "These things happen. And thanks be to God for your neighbor, no?"

A smile broke across her lips. "Yes." My heroine. She turned to Lisa and hugged her. With the ease of lifetime friends, Lisa wrapped her in her arms and kissed the top of her head. Her chest vibrated beneath her cheek.

A millisecond before she'd snuggled in close she'd glimpsed a troubled squint in her eyes, a tension that tightened her lips. For a woman who preferred action to feelings, Lisa seemed frazzled and worn out with emotion. Roseanne massaged the tense muscles in her back and refrained from saying a word. They stood and gently rocked back and forth in their comforting embrace for what seemed like eternity, until their breathing became synchronized.

With Valerie safely resuscitated, and sleeping quietly under an oxy-hood for a night of hospital observation, Roseanne and Lisa made their way to the parents' lounge to sit. They held hands, but didn't say a word.

Somewhere along the way Lisa's hand dropped free and her mood shifted. Roseanne felt her palm tremble as Lisa guided her at the small of her back. She glanced at her. Lisa had gone pale. A distant gaze had settled into her eyes, and she seemed to be grappling with the magnitude of what had happened.

Roseanne had read studies about people who performed flawlessly under fire, but once everything was over they fell apart. Maybe she was one of those people. No. That didn't seem like Lisa. At least, she hoped not.

After minutes of silence, while Lisa stared intensely into nothingness, she scrubbed her face and shook her head. As though she'd come to some sort of conclusion, she turned and watched Roseanne with sad eyes, earnestly searching every inch of her face. For what? Understanding? Forgiveness? Her gut tightened with a bad premonition.

Lisa stood. In anticipation, she did, too. Lisa backed away, held up her hands in surrender, pleading with her eyes until a bleak glare of defeat overcame her expression. Lisa shook her head again and said, "I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't. It's too much. I'm sorry."

She walked off, leaving Roseanne stunned and breathless, to collapse into the nearest chair. Alone.

* * *

Two days later Valerie was back home and in perfect form, demanding all of her mother's attention. Thankful for the distraction, Roseanne showered her with love.

Myriad questions circled in her head, but the same answer repeated itself. A sad realization crept up like a stealthy shadow in the night. Lisa couldn't take the demands of having a child...so she'd bowed out of their lives.

Granted, Roseanne hadn't made it easy for her—refusing to let her in, punishing her for being honest with her. But when it had come down to the line, when they'd almost lost Valerie, Lisa hadn't been able to take it. She'd packed up her tent and left her yard...and their lives.

This was the way it was supposed to be from the beginning, she kept reminding herself.

I wanted to be a single parent. I wanted Valerie all to myself.

Another overused saying from her mother popped into her head. "Be careful what you wish for...it may come true."

With Valerie in the sling, Roseanne snuggled against her head and glanced at the pile of books on single parenting on the floor. She'd checked them out from the library. On top was the title A Happy Mother Makes a Happy Baby.

I'll have to work on that.

Noticing Valerie had drifted off to sleep in the sling, and since there was no time like the present, she walked across the perfect Feng Shui of her living room, picked up a book to read and sat in the infamous rocking chair. She planned to move on with her life, but today she needed a reminder that she hadn't always been alone. She vowed to remember and savor her days and hours with Lisa. They hadn't been nearly long enough, but if it was all she'd have, she'd make them stretch across her lifetime.

A quiet tapping on her front door drew her attention. She opened it to a glorious bright day and an angelic silhouette. Sun-glare danced off the most beautiful natural shade of brunette hair Roseanne had ever seen. Miles of it.

A warm breeze scented with apple blossom blew across her face, and a petite pregnant woman smiled at Roseanne.

"Hello. I'm Valerie—Lisa's sister. May I come in?"

Roseanne went loose in recognition. She swept the door wide and invited her in with a gesture, unable to find her voice.

"I've been told I have a niece." Her eyes glanced to the sling and the child within. "I couldn't stay away."

So similar to Lisa in mannerisms, yet her facial features—beyond an identical smile—would never give their relationship away. Yet Roseanne saw traces of the same little girl who had won her over in the childhood picture from the cryobank. A special spirit lived in her eyes, and the reason she named her daughter Valerie couldn't be denied. Immediately, Roseanne liked her.

They sat across from each other in silence, until Roseanne offered her most precious gift. "Would you like to hold her?" Removing the straps of the snuggling sling, Roseanne released her daughter and watched the older Valerie's eyes light up.

Oh, there it was again. The self-same smile. Lisa was indeed her twin sister.

Two cups of herbal tea later, and an abundance of superficial dialogue followed by a diaper change, baby Valerie drifted off to sleep again. Roseanne felt as if she'd made a new friend over the last hour, and she sensed that the feeling was mutual.

Aunt Valerie reached inside her purse and fished out an old and tattered picture. "I thought you'd like to have the original. Lili told me about how Peanut got her name." Her dark brown eyes and her smile brightened an already gleaming face. "I can't tell you how honored I am."

"I never intended to find out who the donor was," Roseanne said, and reached for the photo to study it. "I'm afraid I turned your sister's life upside down. I never meant to."

"The idiot needed it." She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms with the spunk of a sister. "She wanted to be Peter Pan all her life. It was about time someone or something kicked her butt into growing up."

"But I don't want Valerie to dash her dreams. It was all my doing."

"She wanted to come here today, to invite you and Peanut for dinner at her house tonight. But I suggested I come instead. I thought maybe she'd been pushing you too hard, and you might need some space. And I wanted to give you the picture myself." Valerie rose and opened her arms for a hug. "I hope you'll go. She needs you. You have no idea."

Her words sounded heaven-sent.

Lisa needs me.

Roseanne followed Valerie's lead and they embraced. Dainty, like a thin teenager, she smelled like plumeria bath gel. And Roseanne felt like she'd found a long-lost friend.

"Regardless of what happens," Valerie said, reaching for Roseanne's hands, "I'd like to keep in touch."

"I'd like that," she said, squeezing back.

Hesitant to accept the invitation for dinner, but longing to see Lisa again, Roseanne considered the significance of the request. Maybe they needed an official goodbye.

"What time?"

* * *

Leo looked bored where he sat on the porch of Lisa's house, like a large furry pear. He suspiciously watched Roseanne approach, and when she'd reached the halfway point scurried off to the nearby bushes in a blur. Lisa busted out the door with a heartbreaking smile.

"Hey, let me get that," she said, rushing to her side to fetch the diaper bag and baby seat. "Anything else you need?" She glanced toward the car.

Lisa had her hair down, and wore a button-down green flannel shirt rolled up to her elbows with beige lounge pants. Roseanne felt somewhat relieved since she was wearing casual post-pregnancy elastic waistband pants and a plain pullover top.

Drawing close, Lisa's strong hand retrieved the bag. Roseanne caught a jasmine scent and memorized it, wondering if after today she'd ever have the opportunity again. It was obvious that Lisa had gone all out for her, and it touched her heart.

Lisa smiled again, a long, sexy, confident smile, as if Roseanne was the only woman she'd ever seen. Flutters started in her chest and fanned across her stomach. Her eyes widened, and she needed to adjust her glasses on her nose. Her lips pinched into a tense response, and she tightened her grasp around Valerie for support. Lisa wouldn't stop looking at her, which made her feel uncomfortable, so she cleared her throat.

"Shall we go inside?" She pushed the point.

"Oh, sure." After peeking at Valerie in the baby sling, goo-gooing a syllable or two, and more grinning, Lisa led the way to the house.

Compared to the rustic wood exterior, the interior of her home was uncluttered and inviting. A large dark leather armchair sat across from a soft brown couch and a heavy wood coffee table. A redbrick fireplace covered three-quarters of an entire wall. A sliding glass door overlooked a verdant backyard forest of overgrown bushes, trees and shrubs. The room hadn't changed since she'd last been here. It smelled freshly aired out by the breeze, but a hint of last night's fireplace smoke lingered.

Lisa hurried to put the bag and baby seat down, and then reached for Valerie. "May I?"

Roseanne handed her the baby, and Lisa received her as if she was the most precious gift on earth. She held her close to her chest, took a deep whiff of her baby smell and kissed the top of her head. A pained look of loss filled Lisa's eyes as she studied her daughter.

"She's so beautiful." A soft smile crossed her lips. She lifted long brown lashes to look at Roseanne. "We did good, huh?"

"The best."

"Astounding," Lisa said.

They stood in tortured silence for several seconds while Roseanne contemplated their circumstances. Lisa had obviously invited her over for a reason, and she thought she knew why she'd come, but neither was ready to get to the point. She really didn't want to find out that, as she'd always imagined, she'd spend the rest of her life alone.

Seeming a tiny bit nervous, Lisa said, "Listen, I've got a few more things to do before dinner is ready. Why don't you sit down and make yourself comfortable? I'll bring you some watered-down wine and put on some music."

"Should I be drinking?"

"I've read that a little wine helps the milk let down," Lisa said, and grinned. "But you've never had a problem with that, have you?"

She winked, bringing back memories of those few embarrassing moments with Lisa when she'd unexpectedly leaked. The beginnings of a blush started at her neck. She could feel heat rise up her cheeks.

Still grinning, and now within reach, Lisa tugged on the sling left around her neck. "May I borrow this?"

Shaken by her intimate gesture, Roseanne removed the pale pink cloth and handed it to her. Lisa's warm grasp held hers longer than necessary. She didn't want to let go, either. She avoided her eyes while helping Lisa put on the baby sling. She tried not to react to the closeness while adjusting the length, and quickly slid Valerie inside. Standing back and assessing her handiwork, she saw her set off for the kitchen. It touched her more than she dared allow.

Roseanne took a deep breath and relaxed into the couch. After removing her shoes, she put her feet up on the heavy dark wood table. She enjoyed being in Lisa's space, soaking up the essence of her with every detail.

A pair of antique tennis rackets hung crisscrossed on one wall; a picture of a humongous wave with a minuscule surfer emerging from the curl hung on another. An old-fashioned toboggan held wood logs for the fireplace. An authentic fire hydrant stand held a huge bowl of spicy scented pinecones.

She'd always thought the house suited Lisa. Would she find a home where she belonged out of state?

Forced out of her thoughts by an ice-cold glass being placed in her hand, Roseanne startled, almost slopping the drink over the rim. Composing herself, she thanked her. Lisa plopped down next to her on the couch, baby in tow.

"Everything's set. When the timer goes off, dinner will be ready." Lisa removed Valerie from the sling and held her above her with extended arms while guarding her fragile neck. Their baby's legs kicked with freedom, and Lisa and Roseanne grinned at each other.

"Look at those perfect little feet," Lisa said.

Bit by bit Roseanne relaxed, and before dinner was served, against her will, she'd reaffirmed her love for Lisa. Life had really punched a cruel wallop this time around. By accident, she'd found the woman she could love for a lifetime but would never have. And, because of her, she'd become a mother—something Lisa had never wanted to be except as an anonymous donor.

As if she'd read her thoughts, Lisa placed Valerie in the crook of her arm and reached for Roseanne's hand with the other. She brought it to her mouth and kissed each fingertip, sending a regiment of goosebumps marching up her arm. Her big brown eyes carefully watched her face. Roseanne blinked, and tried desperately not to give herself away.

"After dinner, we need to talk," Lisa whispered.

Afraid to appear too eager, Roseanne stopped herself from nodding a millisecond before the timer went off.

* * *

Pasta, bread and salad tasted better to Roseanne than she could ever remember. And if her stomach hadn't been tied up in a knot she would have eaten more. Lisa said the special tang of the sauce had something to do with balsamic vinegar. Feeling gullible, she bought her culinary boast, never once suspecting the sauce might have come out of a jar until she saw an empty one sitting on the counter.

Roseanne glanced into her pasta bowl. Well, at least the mushrooms looked fresh.

Filling her tummy with such delectable food, and her mind with naughty thoughts, Lisa had done a good job of convincing her that packaged tomato sauce was a gourmet delight.

She obviously enjoyed watching her eat, but behind her encouraging stare Roseanne could see traces of the same hesitation she'd seen at the hospital. Hints of sleepless shadows circled her eyes. She could tell Lisa was as wrung out as she was over their situation. What the heck was the next step?

Once again on the same wavelength, she opened up.

"When I was camping in your yard, I had made up my mind. I was certain I wanted to be with you and Valerie."

Roseanne stopped mid-chew, thinking she'd heard wrong.

Lisa hesitated. "Then, after we almost lost Valerie the other night, I knew my original decision to never have kids again was the right one." Lisa stopped eating, held a piece of bread in her hand and tore it apart— along with Roseanne's heart. "I just can't handle the thought of losing someone I love again." Unable to make eye contact, she said, "I'm sorry."

The watered-down wine had acted like a truth serum on Roseanne. With a quick burst of anger, she fought back. "So it's safer to never love or get attached rather than experience loss? What kind of chicken-hearted quality of life is that?"

Lisa nodded, and sniffed with agreement.

"You risk your own life every time you go rock-climbing, and you don't seem to care how it will affect your parents, or your sister—the people that love you the most. Oh, but if someone you love stumbles and falls, that's not fair?" She raised her palms. "No offense, Lisa, but you sound like a coward."

Lisa popped the wad of bread into her mouth and chewed ruggedly. "Yeah, well, if the shoe fits..." Stirring uncomfortably in her chair, she reached for the Parmesan cheese. "I guess I'll have to wear it."

Roseanne thought about biting her tongue. But why not lay it all on the table? She might never have the chance again, and what did she have to lose? And what did Lisa mean when she kept saying "again"? As if this wasn't the first time she'd almost lost someone.

"You're better than that, Lisa. I know it."

Lisa squinted, still not making eye contact, and pinched her lips before speaking. "You deserve better than me. That much I know."

A wry laugh escaped Roseanne's lips. "What a noble cop-out." Lisa sat straighter, finally looking at her, carefully considering her comment.

"There's something else you need to know."

Oh, God. What other bombshell could she drop? That she'd met and befriended another one of her sperm beneficiaries?

"I had a daughter named Emily once. Being Valerie's mother, you must know how much love I felt. I didn't really want to be a parent at twenty-three, but I was willing to accept responsibility." Water formed in her eyes. "She was incredible." Lisa's lips quivered and she tensed them. Once she regained her composure, she continued. "I loved her like nothing else in my life before." Tears brimmed. "And then, one day, she didn't wake up." She fought back the tears, but they fell anyway. "My baby was gone. Just like that." She used her sleeve to swipe away her sadness.

Roseanne wept silently.

"I didn't know how to save Emily. And when Valerie was slipping through my fingers and I couldn't do anything about it..." Lisa stopped to catch her breath. She continued in a controlled voice. "It was like the same nightmare again. I couldn't bear to go through it. What kind of parent does that?"

Silence engulfed the room like a confessional booth. Roseanne's heart wrenched with empathy for Lisa. Of course she'd never want to go through such sadness again.

"I had no idea. I'm so sorry, Lisa." They grasped hands and clung tightly to each other.

But Valerie was alive, dammit. And she deserved a relationship with both of her mothers.

Roseanne swallowed hard and steadied her voice.

"I discovered something in all the reading I've done this past week," she said. "My baby needs a happy mother, and I'm not sure how happy I can be alone...now that I've found you." She reached for her hand. Lisa didn't pull away.

"You opened a new world for me, too, Roseanne. You and Valerie." Lisa squeezed against her firm grasp.

Fighting the desire to turn and run out the door, Roseanne shut her eyes and forced herself to continue. If she couldn't have the ending she dreamed about for herself, at least she could be an advocate for what was best for her daughter. On a deep breath, she spoke her mind.

"You're a woman who likes to take risks. Well, I'd like to challenge you to the biggest adventure of your life. Be a mother to your daughter."

A pained look crossed her eyes. Roseanne didn't give her a chance to respond.

"You don't have to love me, or come around to see me, but for gosh sakes, be there for Valerie. All I'm asking is for you to check in with her on the important dates: her birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, a couple of weeks in the summer. Is that too much to ask? You're a wonderful person, and now that you've been outed as her mom, she deserves to know you. I promise not to get in your way."

"You'd never be in my way, Roseanne." Lisa took her hand and pressed it to her mouth. "And you didn't let me finish my thought."

A ragged inhalation didn't deliver enough oxygen to her brain. Roseanne hadn't fathomed how hard it would be to speak her mind, and, feeling woozy, she squeezed her hand for support.

Clearing her throat, Lisa said, "The thing is, after fighting with myself for the last few days, I don't have any intention of leaving you. I can't. I love you too much."

What had she just said? A shot of adrenaline cleared her head. After a double take, Roseanne settled into Lisa's sincere stare. From the look in those eyes, she meant what she'd just said. Her heart skittered around her chest while she hyperventilated and tried to focus, realizing what Lisa had admitted and knowing it was for real.

"My sister—" she smirked "—in a not so subtle way, kicked my butt into rethinking my original decision. And Dr. Patel went to the wall for me."

Lisa kissed her fingers until Roseanne thought she'd eat her hands. She wanted to giggle, but was too breathless to utter a sound.

"I've worked it all out. I've been offered a free ride at Mercy Hospital University for med school. I won't have to sell my house or leave the state. I'll work a couple days a week to keep up my medical insurance for you and Valerie." A beautiful smile stretched across Lisa's face and her eyes sparkled with delight. "And, if you don't want to work full time, you can stay home with our daughter a few more days a week."

Simultaneously, a giddy snicker of relief crossed their lips.

"That is, if you'll consider my offer..."

At that, Roseanne gasped. Lisa intercepted her hand before it could reach her mouth, and covered it with extra kisses.

"I've never been more scared about anything in my life," she said. "But this rush of feelings I have about you and Valerie is more exciting than skydiving, bungee-jumping and hang-gliding all put together. Now that I know what love is, I want to roll with it."

Shaking her head in disbelief at the turn of events, Roseanne felt her chin quiver. She refused to let her feelings fog the opportunity of the moment. It was too important.

"But you only came to me because of Valerie. If you hadn't thought she was your daughter you'd never have given me a second chance." Holding on to her hands like an anchor in the storm, she clutched as best as she could, and smiled. "I'm no fool, Lisa."

"I could never love a fool." Her penetrating eyes paralyzed her resistance. "It's you that excites me."

"More than white-water rapids?" she asked.

"More than snowboarding the Alps," Lisa said. "You've got it, and I want it all with you."

For long, wondrous moments they gazed at each other in silence. Roseanne's joyous heartbeat pulsed in her head.

"The thing is," Lisa said, "I want Valerie to have a happy mom, too. You've got to understand that, long before Valerie, I had a big thing for you, Nurse Park. The way you strutted around that pulmonary ward with your fine figure, fancy glasses and immaculate uniform about drove me crazy."

Her cheeks grew hot and her eyes wide. This was what she'd longed—no, needed—to hear. "You did?"

Lisa removed her glasses in a quick, yet delicate manner. "You can't imagine how often I've fantasized about your bright brown eyes and sexy mouth." Lisa traced the outline of her lips with a hot finger. "Remembering how it felt to kiss you." Her smile was wicked and playful. She traced her jaw upward, toward her ear.

Unable to resist, Roseanne leaned into her palm. "I had a few fantasies about you, too."

"Before we ever dated, I used to schedule myself to work on your ward just so I could be near you," Lisa said. "I always wondered what it would be like to help you let your hair down." Her fingers weaved through her soft waves. "Man, even with my exceptional imagination, I had no idea how terrific it could really be."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah, really."

Her heart fluttered out of control in her chest and Lisa's face grew blurry. She blinked to focus back in, and tried to swallow.

Lisa bit her lower lip and then cleared her throat— again. "You've got to believe me when I tell you that I wanted you long before you ever got pregnant. I kicked myself from one end of the hospital to the other after we broke up. And I was on the verge of asking you out again when you first started showing and the word around the hospital came that you were pregnant. I figured you'd moved on—found someone else."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Ask Bambam how bummed out I was about that. He'll back me up." Lisa shook her head. "But what a great stroke of luck. You chose me from the list of all the other donors. Doesn't that prove we were meant to be together?"

"It proves I had great taste when it came to picking genes."

"You chose me," Lisa whispered. "I believe it was meant to be."

A rush of emotion whirled in Roseanne's head—she did have a good point. Something about her profile had called out to her from the start. And when she'd read her essay and seen that childhood picture, there hadn't been a thread of doubt about who to choose. Her ears rang with excitement. Feeling suspended in time, Roseanne practically levitated on her chair. "You may be on to something."

Lisa squirmed a little in her seat and looked into her lap. "What I'm trying to ask is..." Her gaze lifted to her eyes. Sincerity delved into her soul. "Will you marry me?"

Relief and joy burst over the moment, sending all doubt into hiding. Love and hope replaced the fear that had had a stronghold on her heart only seconds before.

Without feeling her usual need to do research, or read two books on the subject of predestination and marriage first, she simply knew in her gut what to say. She beamed at Lisa—the woman of her dreams—reeling with joy.

Finally finding her voice, Roseanne answered, "Oh, yes. Valerie and I will marry you."

They grinned like the fools in love they were, and laughed at the wondrous change of events. Her single-minded plan for motherhood had backfired. This was the day of all days for Roseanne, and she could never have predicted it.

She rode a swell of joy as if she was on a magic carpet ride, and at her side sat the woman she loved with all of her heart and soul.

Unsure of how they'd got there, Roseanne and Lisa stood together, shaking, embracing and consoling each other with hugs. Lisa took her face into her warm hands and gave her a special kiss of promise. Roseanne inhaled the scent of the woman she loved and relished the moment with a soft, moist vow of her own. Tightening her knees for support, she returned her kiss with every ounce of love stirring in her heart. And long, luscious moments later, when the kiss that pledged a lifetime together came to an end, they exploded with laughter and joy.

Suddenly remembering Valerie across the room in her baby seat, still and quiet, as if she knew something special was going on, Lisa flew to her side and swept her into her arms. She kissed her pudgy pink cheeks and brought the baby, like a gift, to Roseanne.

Again, they grinned at each other in delight, and cooed over the child they had made together as strangers. Long before they'd completely discovered each other and fallen in love they had created Valerie with their genes. Now, sustained by love, the anonymous experiment of nine months before had become the chance of a lifetime for true happiness.

And, together, Roseanne, Lisa and Valerie would finally be the family they were meant to be.

They looked on with wonder as Valerie squirmed and fussed in Lisa's arms. She twisted up her face and turned pink with effort and concentration, following up with a larger sound than either of them could ever have imagined. And when she had finished her display, Roseanne quickly realized something.

It was time for a diaper change.

* * *

Ten months later...

Chaos couldn't begin to describe what was going on at the Manoban residence. Friends and relatives milled around the overpacked rooms, bumping shoulders and elbows, mumbling pardons and trying not to spill their celebration punch. Roseanne grinned at the sight. The smell of strawberry icing permeated the room. And at the center, in her highchair, sat Princess Valerie, wearing a lopsided golden cone hat held in place by a thin elastic strap under her chin. The sight clutched at Roseanne's heart.

Valerie dutifully held up one finger whenever anyone asked, "How old are you today?" And topped off her talent with a sticky four-tooth grin.

She'd never had another episode of apnea after that one close call ten months earlier. She'd grown healthy and robust, and was blossoming into a beautiful little girl, and Roseanne thanked God for that. She was petite for a one-year-old, and her shiny coral party dress seemed to swallow her up, but Valerie didn't mind at all. Loving being the center of everyone's attention, she kicked her white patent leather Mary-Jane-clad feet and squealed with delight when Mama brought the birthday cake toward her. A huge candle sat at the center, surrounded by sugar bunnies and puppies chasing each other's tails around the number one.

"Ma-Ma. Kay?" Her bright brown eyes sparkled and her plump hands shot to her hair, composed of wispy honey ringlets.

Though only early April, the California sun glowed bright.

Lisa wore a grin broader than the international happy-face sign. "It's your birthday cake, Peanut. How old are you today?"

Out popped Valerie's index finger, accompanied by yet another joyful peep. Her eyes widened and she palmed her cheeks, holding her mouth in an "oh" when everyone in the room began to sing the birthday song.

Through blurry eyes Roseanne watched her daughter beam and squirm with excitement. Joy, thick as the icing on the cake, filled her veins and burst into her heart. Her voice quavered through the anthem along with everyone else's. Her mother stepped beside her and put her arm around her waist. They exchanged the special look only mothers understand.

Jennie, decked out in red satin pedal-pushers and an off-the-shoulder top, snapped several pictures, while Kai, her newly betrothed, ran the digital movie camera. It was hard to tell what gleamed more—the camera flash, or Jennie's huge engagement diamond.

Aunt Valerie stood across the room with her six-month-old baby glued to her hip and her strapping husband by her side. Fidgeting, and eager to get in on the action, their son reached with both arms and screeched in protest when his mother held him tight in place. The picture of health and single-mindedness, the baby resisted his mother's firm grasp.

The scene evoked so much emotion that the rush of blood made Roseanne feel lightheaded. She searched out and sat down in the nearest chair before the song ended.

"Yay!" Everyone cheered at the end, and Valerie clapped her hands.

"Mo," she said, demanding more singing.

Such a simple request couldn't be denied. Lisa started the refrain again, and everyone else joined in. Her eyes roamed the room until they found Roseanne. The grin on her face faded the tiniest bit when she saw her.

"Are you okay?" Lisa mouthed, from across the room.

She nodded, clapped her hands and smiled back at her, pretending to sing at the top of her lungs.

Peanut was a Mama's girl. The sun and the moon rose and set for her with Lisa's presence. And the adoration was mutual. Even though she worked tirelessly in medical school, Lisa allowed for abundant time with her daughter. Roseanne loved their interaction, and only felt jealous of their special bond once in a while.

But not today.

Today she was glad to let Lisa run the show. She'd been feeling weak and nauseated all morning—heck, all week—and the smell of fresh frosting almost made her hurl earlier, when she'd been decorating the cake.

Her mother returned from the kitchen and handed Roseanne a glass of water, with a raised eyebrow and a worried look pasted on her face.

"Thanks," Roseanne said. "I'm okay." She was doing a poor job of convincing her mother everything was fine. But what a rotten time to come down with the flu—and it wasn't even the right season.

An hour later, after every conceivable toddler gift had been torn open and put on display, the cake had been served and the leftover ice cream had melted on the paper plates, Lisa made her way over to her wife. Most of the guests had left. Aunt Valerie entertained both babies on the living room floor.

"What's up? You look exhausted." Her face betrayed her worry.

"I'm just a little tired. Do I look that bad?" Her hand went to her cheek, then ran self-consciously through some strands and hooked them behind her ear.

Lisa shook her head. "You never look bad to me. Maybe just a little pale?" She knelt down next to her and released the strands she'd just pulled back.

Roseanne rested her head on her sturdy shoulder and sighed. "This was great."

"The best," Lisa said, her hand cupping her neck.

Now was as good a time as any, she decided.

"We've been so busy, with work and school and planning everything, that I haven't had a chance to talk to you."

Lisa kissed her cheek. "I know. I've missed you. Are you sure you're okay?" Her warm gaze studied her with both a look of love and of concern pinching at the corner of her eyes.

"Well, actually, I think I may need to take a test."

Lisa hoisted a brow. "What kind of test?"

"Maybe a blood test. Maybe I'm just anemic. I don't know. But I wanted to ask you something first."

"Shoot." Lisa looked eager to get to the heart of her story, and held her hand with a tight, encouraging grasp.

"After you donated to the sperm bank, you said you made sure that you'd never have kids again?"

Lisa straightened her spine and Roseanne saw a lightbulb go off in her eyes. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, I signed up for a vasectomy." Now she was looking sheepish, and her eyes betrayed her change of heart. "But I never actually went through with it, though."

After wanting to crown her for never bothering to tell her that part of the story, Roseanne felt relief wash over her and brighten her mood from night to day.

"So maybe there isn't anything wrong with me that a simple home pregnancy test can't answer?"

Lisa's face flushed red. "You think you're pregnant?"

Roseanne socked her arm. "Why didn't you ever tell me you never got your vasectomy? I haven't been using birth control!"

With elusive typical logic, Lisa shrugged like a kid who'd forgotten to bring her homework to class.

Roseanne dashed across the room. "I'll be right back." She swept into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Fishing through the back of the sink cabinet, she searched for two of the three pregnancy tests she had purchased when she'd signed on at the cryobank. She'd become pregnant after the very first insemination and had never needed the other two. Finding the packages, she checked the expiration date. It was still good. Carefully following the instruction insert, she set to work.

A minute later she heard tapping. "Hey, I want in on this, too," Lisa said from the other side.

Roseanne had kept her eyes closed, waiting the required two minutes to read the response. Now, opening both her eyes, and the door, she welcomed her eager-beaver wife inside. A massive look of expectation covered Lisa's face.

She studied the applicator strip lying flat on the counter. Pointing to the result window displaying a blue "plus" sign, Roseanne reeled with instant knowledge.

Lisa raised her shoulders and eyebrows, waiting for the verdict. "Well?"

"Well, considering you never got the vasectomy, the only question is, why did it take this long?" She showed Lisa the pregnancy test wand. "I'm pregnant!"

Roseanne leapt into Lisa's open arms and wrapped her legs around her waist. Lisa held her firmly and spun around with joy. "Woohoo!"

"This is astounding—just astounding," Lisa kept saying.

They stopped spinning long enough to kiss. Lisa's mouth clamped down on hers until they clanked teeth. Roseanne kissed her as if she hadn't seen her in years, anchoring her head with both of her hands and planting her lips over hers again and again. One large hand held her hips in place while the other roamed her back. Lisa eased her to sit on the bathroom counter so she could be attentive with both of her hands, and delved in for another world-class kiss.

After a few moments, they settled into softer kisses, warmed with love and laughter.

"This time we did it the old-fashioned way," Roseanne said, speaking and grinning over Lisa's plump, moist lips.

Lisa consumed her again with a deep, exploring lunge of her tongue, stealing the thoughts right out of her head. She growled and pulled back a smidgen. Roseanne felt her hot breath on her lips and cheeks when she spoke.

"The old-fashioned way—yeah, definitely my way of choice."

* * * THE END * * *