Sai and I are sitting outside the barn, keeping an eye out as we realize we aren't all that helpful inside. The time is passing quickly, and the sun is beginning its descent into the hills. Staring at the light that was slowly fading, my mind started racing. I can't seem to reconcile the Ronan I have seen with Sai and Deirdre to the one I experienced as a child. Sure, he's cocky and he doesn't want me around, but don't I make it known that I don't want him around? Am I the issue?
The first time I had ever even taken note of his existence was when we were ten, and he'd just come to manifest his wind powers.
The teachers had announced it at school, and all the students went around and gave him congratulations, including myself. I had smiled at him, but he just gave me a shy smile and a wave before shuffling along to the next class, but there was no animosity. Normally, my classmates would either ignore me completely OR they would relentlessly bully me, beating me up verbally and physically. I had hoped, after seeing Ronan smile at me, that maybe I had found someone who could at least be neutral to me.
Later that same day when I was walking home to Safe Haven, a group of some older students had followed me to the cliffside. They'd surprised me, and forced me over the cliff's edge with their gifts and sent me sprawling down to the Ravine. My telekinesis had just manifested as well, and wasn't strong enough to save me from the fall. I was terrified- I'd never been down there without my mom before. I had tried to grip the rocks and roots jutting out on the wall, but it was no use. I landed at the bottom with a heavy thud, and my hands were raw, bleeding, and all of my fingernails had been ripped off. Looking up, I had seen Ronan- I had tried to plead for help. Either he couldn't hear me, or he didn't care. Any time I tried to climb back up to the top, he would help send wind to knock me down again.
Nausea threatened to take hold of me. Those memories? How could I ever reconcile the kids who did that to me with any decent fucking human being? They were monsters. Yes, we were young, but so was I, and I had more drive than anyone to be a little cunt bag. Was I? Fucking NO. There's no excuse.
Waiting for my stomach to settle, I try to think about something else, but it's difficult when I'm sitting outside a stupid stable, keeping watch for a total asshole so that we can go steal from his old guild. Sai and Deirdre are the only reasons I'm here and yet I find myself worried about their genuine feelings because of what stupid Nina told me in the bathroom last night.
I just feel like I'm drowning. If I think about everything too much, I want to crumble into a million pieces. I'm trying so hard every day to show up and be the best version of myself. I'm trying to carve out a space in the Sky Faction for my mother and I, and nothing works with me, only against me.
My thoughts are so consuming that the sounds of shuffling and hooves hitting the ground doesn't register before I'm being yanked into the air and tossed, landing abruptly on the back of the taller horse.
"Ummm excuse me?" I'm sprawled over the saddle, hanging off both sides. "What the fuck?"
"Sorry, Angel, but we only have two horses and so you're going to have to ride with one of us. I'm more experienced, so Sai asked me to do it," Ronan's gruff voice came from the ground, I can't see him with my hair sprawled over my eyes.
"Yes, I did ask you to take her, but I expect you to be gentle with her. Also, angel is a nickname only for Deirdre and I to use." Sai huffs, already on his horse.
I crawl around, trying to maneuver to an upright and comfortable position, but I feel like a baby deer trying to walk for the first time. How the hell-
"Have you ever been on a horse before?" Ronan is fighting a fucking smile - and losing.
"Is it that obvious?" My face heats up. This is the last thing I want - to rely on Ronan and his cocky attitude ready to loom over me because he can sit the correct way on a stupid animal. Not a stupid animal... A majestic animal that I'm totally jealous that he can ride. A majestic animal that I'll be damned to learn how to ride from him.
Ronan just rolls his eyes, grabbing me by my belt loops and shoving me to the front of the saddle while my mind is still spinning into turmoil.
"Watch it!" I hiss. He perks up an eyebrow.
"I need room to get on and your big ass is in the way," he shrugged. My face is molten lava at this point.
"Be nice to my angel before I regret letting you ride with her," Sai grits out, eyeing me wearily.
Ronan lifted his hands in surrender, "I'm just trying to get on the horse so we can get this over with. If you remember right, I didn't even want her to come in the first place so don't complain about what I have to do now that she's here." Sai's shoulders release a little tension, he's realizing he's being unreasonable, damn it. I wish he would keep being rude to Ronan.
"Also, if I can't call her angel, what nickname would I give her? There aren't any I can think of that are quite as nice," Ronan smirks before hoisting himself up onto the saddle. Sai's eyes were murderous as Ronan settles in snugly behind me.
I sat up as straight as possible. He had pressed himself against my ass as he got on, and I was not about to let him ride up on me like that. Not only will I not be able to think straight, but I also have more self respect. Ronan is so handsome that the gods could mistake him as one of their own, with his perfectly messy blonde hair and his eyes that make the ocean jealous BUT that's no reason for me to lose myself and fawn over him. He's been rude to me all day. No nice nicknames? What the hell does that even mean?
Ronan clicked at our horse and began leading us down a trail as the orange and purple rays of the sun started to slowly disappear behind the mountain. Sai, clearly sulking, rode behind us, not saying a word.
It must have been at least forty-five minutes and my back is getting sore from sitting so rigid. "Why did we have to ride so far?" The melodical sound of the horses walking through the field makes me want to relax and take a nap, but that would mean giving into the temptation of leaning into Ronan.
"We have to look like we're trying to clean up for the day, which is always the last thing farmers do. If there's still light to work, there's no reason to clean. That's why we had to start at the least-used stable, as it's unlikely anyone would be taking these horses out today AND we have to ride a great distance to look like we're actively trying to get somewhere to finish up," He stated, as if it were obvious. When I looked back at him, he was looking at me with his eyebrows all scrunched up as if he was worried about me being a gods damned idiot. I turned back to the road swiftly.
Sai is still sulking, he hasn't spoken much at all since we'd left. Every time I glance back at him, he looks pissed. Awesome. Sighing to myself, I focus on the task at hand.
We reach the crest of a hill and I take the opportunity to use my sight and scan for what looks like a brand new barn. I think I see it ahead, but I can't be sure because Ronan never gave a description of what it looked like. However, based on our trajectory, the time and the fact that I can see some extra sheets of plywood, I'd be pretty confident betting that's our target. It's about five miles away still and I can't help but feel awe for the vast amount of land in the farmer's guild. Longing burns in my chest as I imagine the freedom of living out in the countryside. Growing a family, raising animals, creating a home that can be used for generations-
Ronan's chest rumbles and interrupts my thoughts. He's chuckling quietly to himself. I give him a look, but decide against asking him what is so amusing to him. I don't care.
Ronan's free hand rubs up my arm and pulls me slightly against him, but I fight it and turn to give him a glare. He inches forward, his hand resting on my arm.
"Would you scoot back? I have hardly any space up here," I grumble.
"Why would I do that when scooting up is so funny? Not only do I get to piss you off, but Sai is back there absolutely fuming. It's hilarious," he's almost giggling in joy.
I elbow him hard in the kidney. His breath gets forced out and I can feel the daggers he's directing to the back of my skull. I spare a glance back, avoiding Ronan's eyes and going straight for Sai. Sai's eyes are hidden, but he is white-knuckling the reins and his head might as well be on fire.
"That was not very nice," Ronan hisses into my ear as he scoots back in the saddle. I scoot back as well, claiming the space that is rightfully mine, but when I do, he rests his hands on the sides of my thighs.
"What the actual fuck are you doing?" I snap.
"Just making Sai sweat a little bit. It's funny, just relax ," He breathes into my ear. I turn slightly to look at him, our faces dangerously close.
He looks into my eyes, searching for anything, "It's not like we like each other. The only reason we put ourselves through this suffering is because of Sai and Deirdre, and I know they both would be going crazy if they saw us a little closer than they're comfortable with."
I give him my best you've got to be kidding me look before turning back to the road. He leans into me again.
"I mean, have you seen Sai right now? He's so pissed he can't even speak. Let's give them a little dose of misery, as return for ours," Ronan breathes into my ear, almost pleading. His last words send a slight shiver up my spine. Ronan begging for me? I never thought I'd see the day.
He's right. We don't like each other. I think he's a complete douchebag, but I also have been frustrated with our situation. Sai invited me here when I hadn't been invited to come! He and Deirdre are forcing us together like a big happy family even though they know what Ronan and many of our other classmates put me through... it's a devious plan for revenge but even better if I can take it far enough that Sai and Deirdre kick him out of our circle because they get pissed off enough. I don't see this working out in Ronan's favor, not if I know Sai and Deirdre the way I think I do.
Looking back, I can tell Sai is pissed. If I can get him mad enough, he might kick Ronan to the curb.. Ronan might think that this is a harmless game with Sai's emotions, but I'm hoping it'll get him permanently out of Sai's life, and by extension, mine.
I smile to myself noting that even though Ronan thought of this plan, there's no way he'll play it better than I can. I lean back into his chest, grabbing onto his hands and drag them towards my inner thighs. His breath hitches and I have to suppress a grin over the power I've only just realized I have over him.
"Alright, Ronan. Let's do this."